I've been writing this blog for nearly a year now - stubbornly refusing to keep a travel diary of my experiences for what seemed like a long time, but can only have been a week at most (it was in Florence that I wrote a couple of entries on WordPress, before getting pissed off and switching to good old, unreliable Blogger).
One of my favourite features of Blogger (aside from its dodgy spam detection filters that mistakenly restrict access to my blogs and then finally restore them after I lodge an appeal, but with all the images accidentally, permanently deleted) is its 'Stats' button, which allows me to autistically keep track of everyone who stumbles across my pages through Google image searches for sexy teachers and Michigan cheerleaders.
And sometimes a travel-based search term too. But let's be honest, it's mainly the sexy teachers and cheerleaders.
Sexiest search terms
I can't really get pissed off at this depraved audience, because when I performed my own Google Image searches for the pictures illustrating this very blog post, I can't say I hung around the source websites afterwards. Though I'd hazard a guess they weren't someone's travel diary using the pictures semi-ironically like I am (but who am I to judge? And does it still count as irony if you find them slightly genuinely exciting?)
Here are some of the top search terms (and ones I just found funny) that have brought people to my blog through Google. Other search engines are available, but why would you use them? Are you trying to prove something?
I've linked to the specific blogs these queries relate to, when I can actually tell and it's not just insane.
hot teachers
top 10 asian country which has most hot girl
asian hymen (I used this phrase metaphorically in my blog - my guess is they were after something a little more literal)
chinese vs south korean girls easier (good luck with that)
how to surround myself with hot women (can't be any help there)
raymond written in chinese (ah yes, that common Oriential name)
alien wasps (do they even exist?)
spider is sitting on the toiler (sic) (And sick)
big dead fish
kuala lumpur me (did they expect to find a photo of themselves by searching 'me?')
moral grey area (pretty much sums up this blog)
gay site:http://freelanceflaneur.blogspot.com (someone specifically typed this. Twice. Was it you?)
white supremacy string bracelets (believe it or not, this isn't the scariest search term that's brought people here - there are some others I really don't want to type)
disgusting (of all the depraved pits on the filthy internet, this brought someone to mine)
I daresay some of these people will have been extremely disappointed by what they found - such as the guy looking for 'asian girls going all the way,' which I found quite charmingly coy for a porn search (possibly presumptuous of me to assume it was a guy. It definitely was though).
I'm also aware that listing all these sensitive keyphrases here in this way might only serve to make this page a big hit for further sex-obsessed search terms in the future. Goddammit. By way of apology to people who accidentally arrived here looking for teachers getting sexi, I've included a couple of bonus saucy photos for you.
Used ironically, of course. Well, semi.
Most popular posts (as of September 2011)
Sexy teachers.
Cheerleaders.
This is confusing - there are no heaving breasts in sight. Do people really want to look at my travel photos? Or could it be the unrelated discussion about sexy teachers in the comments thread that's drawing the perverts in?
Travel photos that mostly aren't mine, as photography restrictions in the tombs meant I had to steal them from elsewhere. Which makes them better than mine and understandably more popular.
Pretty obvious why this one's popular - ample-bosomed Hindu cow-woman goddess Kamadhenu is herding them in like cattle.
Two human breasts plus four cow udders - that's even better value than the mutant prostitute in Total Recall! I don't think we need any more proof that Hinduism is the best faith - if this year of blogging has taught us nothing else, it's that it's all about tits.
