Alrightreads: Tartarus R Us

Arthur Machen, A Fragment of Life

1904 (collected 2000) / Audiobook / 137 pages / UK

****

The same story he always writes, this time via Edwardian soap opera.

Sarban, The Sacrifice and Other Stories

2002 / Ebook / 256 pages / UK

***

Terrifying tales of freaks and foreigners!

Faves: 'Number Fourteen,' 'The Sacrifice'

Elizabeth Jane Howard, Three Miles Up and Other Strange Stories

1951-75 (collected 2003) / Ebook/audiobook / 216 pages / UK

***

Haunting journeys via various modes of transport.

Faves: 'Left Luggage,' 'Mr Wrong'

Mark Valentine, Herald of the Hidden and Other Stories

1983-2013 (collected 2013) / Ebook / 230 pages / UK

***

Enthusiastic, largely indistinguishable tributes to old-school occult detecting and other supernatural miscellany free from postmodern cynicism, save my own.

Faves: 'Herald of the Hidden,' 'Go to the West'

Various, Strange Tales V

2015 / Ebook / 267 pages / Various

***

Nicely varied interpretations of the broad brief, from creaky horror to sci-fi and even a wholesome fairy tale.

Faves: Elise Forier Edie's 'You-Go-Back,' David Rix's 'Henge,' Yarrow Paisley's 'Mary Alice in the Mirror'

Ranking the Star Trek film soundtracks

As inconsistent across productions as their inextricably associated visuals, the Star Trek movie soundtracks are naturally evocative for fans of the films, but many are also worthwhile on their own merits. I mean, probably. It's not like anyone knows.

Here are my The Top 13 Star Track Sound Treks.

Alrightgames: Usborne Book and 3 Jigsaws – Santa

Usborne Book and 3 Jigsaws: Santa

2021 / Book and jigsaw set / UK

**

It was at least a Christmas too late for 9-piece jigsaws to pose any kind of challenge, even when we tried them mixed. They'll probably be part of her future Christmas nostalgia regardless.

Alrightgames: Top Trumps – My Little Pony

Top Trumps: My Little Pony

2016 / Card game / 1+ players

***

Primarily bought to have some cheap 'Pony cards and doodling references, a 3+ age rating was appropriate for once, as she understood how to play and was capable of sound judgement, though isn't competitive enough to always bother. We use it more as Guess Who(of).

Shame about all the inexplicable, counter-intuitive stats though. The 'beauty' stat is the stuff wars are made on.

Alrightgames: The Simpsons Trading Cards

The Simpsons Trading Cards

1990 / Collectible cards + puzzle / USA

***

I don't think of Bartmania as being among my big childhood crazes (no doubt mainly because we didn't have Sky), but I was there for the peak hype, and the most nostalgic Simpsons products have always been those that were clearly rushed out prematurely to capitalise on it. That normally means a disproportionate emphasis on short-lived season one characters like Marvin Monroe, but the Topps trading cards went even more primordial by sourcing all of their distinctly off-model, off-colour screencaps from the Tracey Ullman Show shorts. Cowabunga!

As a kid, this unexplained uncannyness would have been so intriguing, on par with the red-bandana Turtles (I'll solve it for you: cheaper licensing). As a grown-up coming across some Gen-Xer's once-prized collection in a charity shop, I couldn't resist the indulgence, especially for 50p.

The back of the cards handily make an (incomplete) jigsaw that it turned out my daughter did actually want to do, so I got away with it, and we watched some prime retro Simpsons after that it turned out she's way too young for.

Alrightgames: Walking Hard Game

Walking Hard Game

2022 / Improvised board game / 1+ players / UK

***

Our stupid cat was predictably scared of the birthday present my daughter chose for him, but we're still getting our money's worth, most recently by unofficially expanding Bugs Building. A few more unwanted pet gadgets and we could really be on to something.

Babyliography CIII

Kate Nolan and Violeta Dabija, Santa and the Elves

2021/ Hardback / 10 pages / UK/Moldova

*

I hope they didn't have the cheek to release this separately from the jigsaw set, because it's hardly even added value there.

Unknown, Peppa Pig: The Official Annual 2023

2022 / Hardback / 64 pages / UK

***

Random episode adaptations, sticker book activities without the stickers and craft ideas, some of which may even be worth trying.

Unknown, My Little Pony Early Readers: Twilight Sparkle's Princess Spell / Rainbow Dash's Big Race

2016-17 / Paperbacks / 128 pages / UK

***

Simple bedtime novelisations at this point, but they'll be there as a possibly more appealing alternative to Ginn Reading 360 when she starts going solo.

Roger Hargreaves, Mr. Happy / Mr. Muddle

1971/76 / Library books / 64 pages / UK

****

A couple of classics, as far as these go. Mr Happy (in the Arthur Lowe version) was a pillar of my casually surreal childhood.

Julia Donaldson and Lydia Monks, Princess Mirror-Belle and the Dragon Pox

2014 / Library book / 32 pages / UK

***

A decent one-shot. I can't see the inevitable sequels having much to add, but maybe they'll surprise me.

Babyliography CII

Jane Clarke and Britta Teckentrup, Leap Frog

2019 / Library book / 30 pages / UK/Germany

***

Intimate day-glo jungle trek.

Julia Donaldson and Lydia Monks, Sharing a Shell

2005 / Library book / 32 pages / UK

***

She was distracted by the artist's interpretation of the anemone as a kind of decapitated head. I think it's about divorce or something.

Adam Hargreaves, Little Miss Trouble and the Mermaid

2005 / Library book / 32 pages / UK

**

Always her second pick after unicorns. Sorry girls.

Tim Hopgood, Walter's Wonderful Web

2016 / Library book / 32 pages / UK

**

It could have explained the relationship between geometry and structural integrity better, but maybe that's asking a bit much from a spider picture book.

Adam and Charlotte Guillain and Garry Parsons, Molly's Magic Wardrobe: Search for the Fairy Star

2018 / Library book / 32 pages / UK

***

Little Miss Benn.

Babyliography CI

Simon Philip and Lucia Gaggiotti, I Really Want to Shout!

2020 / Library book / 40 pages / UK/Italy

**

Overlong for its point. She's still a bit literal-minded for the symbolism.

Julia Donaldson and Lydia Monks, The Princess and the Wizard

2006 / Library book / 32 pages / UK

***

Repetitive but convincing modern fairy tale.

Lydia Monks, Rabbit Races Ahead

2019 / Library book / 32 pages / UK

**

Rabbits are more altruistic than hares.

Unknown, My Little Pony activity booklet

2009 / Ebook / 8 pages / USA

**

I don't know what this is from, but it passed a couple of minutes and taught us some names.

Tom Fletcher and Greg Abbott, There's a Unicorn in Your Book

2021 / Library book / 32 pages / UK

***

Another series stretched by courtesy of the same stock characters, but she enjoys them and they're free, aren't they? It's better than Peppa Pig.

Babyliography C

Kes Gray and Garry Parsons, Nuddy Ned / Nuddy Ned's Christmas

2013/16 / Library book/ebook / 64 pages / UK

**

A bit heavy on the innuendo, but she's spared from knowing what those look like yet.

Ruth Brown, A Dark, Dark Tale

1981 / Hardback / 32 pages / UK

****

She enjoyed this in an anthology, but it was worth upgrading to the full-size, unabridged, even creepier art.

Axel Scheffler, Pip and Posy: The New Friend

2016 / Library book / 32 pages / Germany

**

Mostly predictable, but the seagull stealing the dog's ice cream was some unforeseen excitement.

Heather Pindar and Barbara Bakos, Froggy Day

2018 / Library book / 32 pages / UK/Hungary

**

Some familiarity with weather reports and the surrealist movement might have seen her at least crack a smile.

Lucy Cousins, Maisy's Circus Show

2022 / Library book / 10 pages / UK

*

Someone else has a circus, there are her mates, go on, move them about. Do you still get anything out of this?

Babyliography XCIX

Unknown, Peppa Pig: The Story of Peppa Pig / Peppa's Magical Unicorn

2010/2018 / Ebooks / 64 pages / UK

**

I think we're done with Little Miss, but I could have done without this reversion.

Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

1957 / Hardback / 64 pages / USA

***

This always looked a bit harder and less quirky at the end of her collection, so I told her all year that we'd wait until Christmas, by which time it was on the same level as her library books. She didn't get as much out of it as Fox in Socks and the like. Dickens next year.

Sam Taplin and Federica Iossa, Usborne Sound Books: Arctic Animal Sound Book

2022 / Library book / 10 pages / UK/Italy

**

Some only get a footstep noise when their vocalisations are presumably unimpressive.

Libby Frost and Lucy Fleming, Princess Snowbelle and the Snowstorm

2017 / Library book / 32 pages / UK

**

Deceptively wholesome cash-in on Frozen fever, with a dash of My Little Pony and probably other ingredients I've been spared so far. The back covers shows they're already desperately milking it as a franchise. I suppose this is what it takes to survive these days.

Unknown, Disney Pixar Finding Nemo: The Graphic Novel

2010 / Hardback / 48 pages / USA

**

When it's bedtime and your parents don't let you just watch things. It doesn't count as her first proper comic. I think my equivalent was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze.

Babyliography XCVIII

Viviane Cohen and Colette David, Mr. Grumble

1990 / Library book / 32 pages / France

*

The French era remains sarcastically on brand with a bloody wizard doing it.

Sue Hendra and Paul Linnet, Snowball

2018 / Library book / 32 pages / UK

**

Not really any applicable lessons, unless we get into metaphor.

Sam Taplin and Ana Martin Larranaga, Usborne Touchy-feely Sounds: Don't Tickle the Reindeer!

2022 / Library book / 10 pages / UK/Spain

**

Noisy fluff? It's so crazy, it just might work.

Willow Evans and Tom Knight, My School Unicorn

2020 / Library book / 32 pages / UK

***

Presumably there'll be unicorn-themed books to guide her every step of the way to adulthood. At least this one found a pun.

Jennifer Christie and Lyn Fletcher, My Little Pony: Pinkie Pie's Special Day

2009 / Ebook / 24 pages / USA

*

She's already got two parallel generations on the go, so I kept her away from older ponies for simplicity until she saw something appealing in this cover. I can't say I really get the crossover appeal of the later series, but it's Breaking Bad compared to this shite.

Babyliography XCVII

Mike Brownlow and Simon Rickerty, Ten Little Robots

2018 / Library book / 32 pages / UK

**

Industrial horror remake of Five Little Ducks. It's left ambiguous whether they really survived or they just made new ones.

Emma Adams and Mike Byrne, Who Pooed in My Loo?

2020 / Library book / 32 pages / UK

**

The unicorn is just one of an imaginary parade. They know what they're doing. Hook, line and sinker. As if poo isn't enough of a draw already.

Daniel and Heidi Howarth, Little Hedgehog's Big Day

2015 / Library book / 24 pages / UK

**

With unrelatable concerns and a misleadingly archaic uniform, this wasn't particularly helpful.

Viviane Cohen and Colette David, Little Miss Busy

1990 / Library book / 32 pages / France

**

More petit mademoiselles.

Adam Hargreaves, Mr. Rude

2003 / Library book / 32 pages / UK

**

Authentically drab revival.

Babyliography XCVI

Sue Hendra and Paul Linnet, Supertato

2014 / Ebook / 32 pages / UK

***

She doesn't have the basis for superhero parodies and puns yet. I hope it doesn't make her suspicious of peas.

Unknown, The Elf on the Shelf: Search and Find

2020 / Paperback / 40 pages

***

At least this cash-in rip-off is on theme.

Roger Hargreaves, Mr. Impossible

1976 / Library book / 32 pages / UK

**

The most overpowered Mr. Man baggsies several potentials in one.

Adam Hargreaves, Little Miss Inventor

2018 / Library book / 32 pages / UK

*

These are basically a scam at this point.

Nick Sharratt, Octopus Socktopus

2009 / Library book / 20 pages / UK

**

At least this churn bothers with flaps and rhyme, however desperate.