Alrightreads: Preliminary

Nigel Kneale, Tomato Cain and Other Stories

1949 / Ebook / 256 pages

***

A diverse assortment of Manx produce, but a disappointing debut for one of the first great TV writers.

Faves: 'Chains,' 'Curphey's Follower,' 'The Pond'

Mark Millar, Nigel Kitching and Daniel Vallely, Saviour, Book One

1989-90 (collected 1990) / Ebook / 128 pages

**

The incomplete, derivative saga of tramp Jesus and His inexplicably Jonathan Ross-faced adversary.

David Lee Brodbeck, Brahms: Symphony No. 1

1997 / Ebook / 126 pages

***

Beethoven: The Next Generation.

Charlie Brooker, Unnovations

2002 / Ebook / 128 pages

****

A glans-watering opulence of morbid, inappropriate and deranged essentials.

Roald Dahl, The Gremlins

1943 / Ebook / 52 pages

***

Surprisingly non-jingoistic World War II fantasy with mismatched but interesting Disney concept art.

Doctor Disguise Unicorn by Aimee

Alrightgames: Monopoly Junior – My Little Pony

Monopoly Junior: My Little Pony – Friendship Is Magic

2015 / Trading board game / 2-4 players

***

Simplified almost to the brink of pointlessness, but still a step up from Orchard preschool games. I made sure to get the version that actually had places on the board rather than characters, I'd rather she become a ruthless landlord than a slaveowner.

Alrightgames: Catz

Catz

2002 / Game Boy Advance emulator game / 1 player

***

I took on the recreational stress of feeding reminders so she didn't have to, what's one more critter to worry about? Kitty Eden deciding to join her on the bed was a heartwarming moment.

Alrightreads: Games V

Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer, Shooting Stars with Reeves and Mortimer

1996 / Ebook / 120 pages

**

The game was the least interesting aspect of the show, and this DIY dilution seems awkward and fiddly, but their Viz-style top tips elsewhere gave some chuckles.

Mike Dugdale, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine – The Ultimate Quiz Book

2012 / Ebook / 33 pages

**

"Ultimate" is overselling this blog post with ideas above its space station, but it put me through my paces, scoring a respectable 123/150 (though I dispute what counts as a two-parter, and the false claim that PKD's 'We Can Remember It for You Wholesale' is a novel). There were also at least five typos, can't win 'em all.

Rusel DeMaria and Zach Meston, Sonic the Hedgehog 1 & 2: Sega's Official Player's Guide

1993 / Ebook / 173 pages

****

About time I learned how to play these. Why are all the badniks gendered as male? Because they don't have ribbons and big eyelashes, I guess.

Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

2020 / Audiobook / 446 pages

***

A gamer's gateway to reading, like adventure gamebooks didn't nail that in the 8-bit era.

Callista J. Hawkes, Spurtacus: A Choose Your Own Erotic Story

2014 / Ebook / 237 pages

**

An authentic slavery simulator, particularly in the way it teases you with the illusion of choice. They don't care if you've got a headache.

Alrightreads: Sizes

Alan Partridge with Neil Gibbons, Rob Gibbons and Steve Coogan, Big Beacon

2023 / Audiobook / 304 pages

*****

With an innovative, experimental structure and supernatural leanings, Partridge soars to literary heights in what's either the second, third or fourth round of autobiography, it's a bit confusing and borderline incoherent at this point.

Mark Z. Danielewski and Regina M. Gonzales, The Little Blue Kite

2019 / Ebook / 96 pages

***

The Little Prince goes to art college. The artist gets a big credit on the last page, so it's totally fine that she's not credited on the cover and subsequently on websites, it's not as if the author set out to mislead probably.

Unknown, The Satanic Children's Big Book of Activities

2014 / Ebook / 10 pages

**

I've seen bigger, but maybe deceit is part of the credo.

Rhys Hughes, Dabbler in Drabbles, Volume One: 100 Short Stories

2024 / Ebook / 114 pages

***

What to do with yourself after completing a decades-long 1,000-story cycle than commit to doing it again over the course of a year, albeit in miniature. As ever, these brief sketches are mainly based around variably terrible puns that he somehow – astonishingly – hadn't done yet.

Faves: 'Ghost Skeletons,' 'The Watering Can,' 'Ice Monster'

Alan Moore and Oscar Zárate, A Small Killing

1991 / Ebook / 96 pages

****

I'd read this before, but hadn't logged it for some reason, and that won't do. Still not sure what his point is, but it's a good story.

Alrightreads: Romance

Susan Youens, Schubert: Die Schöne Müllerin

1992 / Ebook / 129 pages

****

This deep analysis would be appreciated for any good concept album. It ends up more lit crit than music study, so is more on my level than most of these.

Charles Addams, Happily Ever After: A Collection of Cartoons to Chill the Heart of Your Loved One

1937-? (collected 2006) / Ebook / 165 pages

****

A generous spread of morbid funnies and impenetrable enigmas.

Michel Chion, Eyes Wide Shut

2002 / Ebook / 96 pages

**

I remember liking this film, but this celebration of painstaking banality accidentally makes it sound like a load of shit.

Matthew Gregory Lewis, The Monk: A Romance

1796 / Audiobook / 431 pages

****

Always go to the source. Deserving of a cobwebbed throne in the Gothic pantheon, though less inviting to return visits than most.

William Blake, Poetical Sketches

1769-77 (collected 1783) / Ebook / 72 pages

***

This aptly-titled private chapbook is more juvenilia scrapbook than promising demo, but I liked the darker ones.

Faves: 'To Winter,' 'Fair Eleanor,' 'Mad Song'

Babyliography CLXI

G. M. Berrow, My Little Pony: Applejack and the Secret Diary

2020 / Library book / 160 pages

**

She insisted on trying a Bigger Children Book, but we only made it a few chapters in. It's nice to know there are some original stories and not only adaptations out there.

Yujin Shin, My Magical Forest

2021 / Library book / 10 pages

**

A unicorn sequel by any other name.

Katie Cottle, The Green Giant

2019 / Preschool book / 32 pages

**

I have the strangest craving for tinned peas.

Helen Yoon, I'm a Unicorn

2022 / Ebook/audiobook / 32 pages

***

A different take, and a nice message, with a proper unicorn cameo to avoid complaints.

Suzy Senior and Leire Martin, Unicorn Club

2019 / Ebook/audiobook / 28 pages

**

The kid has a cool name.

Babyliography CLX

Simon Philip and Ella Bailey, I Don't Know What to Call My Cat

2017 / Library book / 32 pages

*

Not much of a point or throughline, but maybe you like cats.

Pippa Goodhart and Augusta Kirkwood, Happy Sad

2022 / Library book / 24 pages

**

A thoughtful feelings story, shame it has to make up words.

David Walser and Jan Pieńkowski, Meg's Christmas

2018 / Paperback / 32 pages

**

Not noticeably worse than the originals, apart from forgetting how to draw Owl's beak on occasion.

Walter de la Mare and Carolina Rabei, Snow

2014 / Library book / 32 pages

*

Mismatched poetry and Christmas clipart.

Brenda Li, I Turned My Mom into a Unicorn

2019 / Ebook/audiobook / 36 pages

***

The predictable consequences of metamorphosis.

Horrifying thing I drew when I was six

A while ago, I showed my four-year-old some of the surviving notebooks from my childhood, for something to do and to buck her ideas up. There was one image in particular that stuck in her mind and would be brought up out of the blue months later, usually when getting ready for bed. This one:

I remember drawing that (my dad had taken me to visit the farm, bright and early, but for some reason I'd stubbornly insisted on staying in the car while he worked for however long, so I had to entertain myself by drawing, it turns out, terrifying nightmare fuel), but I can't remember where the idea came from. It seems too messed up for a six-year-old to invent, but he has been raised on the likes of Knightmare and Beetlejuice, so I wouldn't put it past him.

On a lighter note, your child asking to colour in the "Doctor Disguise Colouring-Book!" you made in 1992 is a strange, new emotion, but a nice one.