Junior Gamesmaster: Tails of Equestria – The Fake Pain

My Little Pony: Tails of Equestria – The Fake Pain

DIY roleplaying game adventure

For someone who claims the official, child-friendly Halloween adventure is too scary to ever play again, her own improvisations can get pretty dark, this one involving child poltergeist attacks, but I helped steer it towards the conventional happy ending. She'd be happy enough just playing with the toys, so we're lucky I'm on hand to remind her about character traits and dice rolls and keep myself interested, aren't we?

Junior Gamesmaster: Tails of Equestria – Wind or Blood / Mystery of History (DIY)

My Little Pony: Tails of Equestria – Wind or Blood / Mystery of History

DIY roleplaying game adventures

After only a little persuasion to try out some dice-randomised food festival antics while we were in town, courtesy of The Games-Master's Book of More Random Encounters (an oddly appropriate eyeball-meatball food cart and unnecessarily brutal tattooing), the young GM had us explore the classic dilemma: wind or blood? She got to tell a story with plenty of dice stuff along the way, and Draculaura added a new spell to her page, inspired by Final Fantasy's limit breaks.

Our next session took things into the third dimension as we tried to scale and dig under a seemingly infinite wall, likely inspired by Minecraft, but keeping things on brand and finding creative uses for our stock spells and skills. I don't need to bother planning these outings any more.

Junior Gamesmaster: Tails of Equestria – Magice / Scary Lights (DIY)

My Little Pony: Tails of Equestria – Magice / Scary Lights

DIY roleplaying game adventures

A quick improv double feature before bedtime: one in the traditional mould, incorporating dice and pony standees, as we explored the Everfree Forest to find a potion to reverse a spell and save the day; the second a Monster High doll play session helping her to process her first optician visit.

Aimee's art review 2026

More eloquent opinions on flicking through The Art Book.

Tom Wesselmann, Great American Nude No. 27 (1962)

"I mean, like, what is going on in this? This is rubbish."

Jackson Pollock, Number 1A, 1948 (1948)

"This is the worst painting in the whole entire world because it's just scribbles."

Lorenzo Lotto, Portrait of a Woman Inspired by Lucretia (1533)

"This is very detailed, and I like the different colours in it and how they made it."

Morris Louis, Alpha-Phi (1961)

"Is that all on the painting? Because that's rubbish."

Lucian Freud, Girl with a White Dog (1952)

"This is incredibly rude because she's showing her boob."

Helen Frankenthaler, Mountains and Sea (1952)

"Why is this even art? It's just scribbles like other ones, it's rubbish."

Willem de Kooning, Marilyn Monroe (1954)

"What is this? It's stupid."

Jeff Koons, Puppy (1992)

"This is so real and I love that they put lots of detail in it, but I think that it just looks very fake."

Odilon Redon, The Cyclops (1914)

"What is this? This is, like, the worst painting in the whole entire world. Look, he hasn't got an eyeball on the other one!"

Junior Gamesmaster: Tails of Equestria – Shiva

My Little Pony: Tails of Equestria – Shiva

DIY roleplaying game adventure

Besides some plot holes I didn't poke into, there's now little difference between this six-year-old's semi-planned RPG sandbox challenges and my own, to the extent that she preempted the specific plot point of finding a password in a book in a library that was going to feature in my follow-up. She pointed out that we were both nicking it from Final Fantasy VII anyway.

Aimee songs again

New York

New York, oooh, ho yeah

I love New York, it's such a nice place

It's so cool, yeah, I know

It's the best place ever

You know I'm at the back

Oh no, am going to the front

Chorus:

I love New York, it's the best place ever

It makes me feel so good, oh yeah

New New New New York

Oh, New New New York

New York, I would love to go there

I know it sounds crazy, but you got to understand things

So what

You know I'm at the back

Oh no, am going to the front

I love New York, it's the best place ever

It makes me feel so good, oh yeah

New New New New York

Oh, New New New York

I like New York, no matter what

So try to make it the best place ever

So maybe I'll change back

I love New York, it's the best place ever

It makes me feel so good, oh yeah

New New New New York

Oh, New New New York

Aaaaa

I love New York, it's the best place ever

It makes me feel so good, oh yeah

New New New New York

Oh, New New New York

New York

The Silliest Song Ever

Oo oo ooooooo oo

Ee ee eeeeeee

Foo foo foooooo

Doo doo doo?

This is the silliest song ever

No, Shaun, stop pecking me!

I'm so sorry about that, I just -

Shaun! I said stop! Shaun!

[Sigh]. So sorry about that.

This is the craziest song ever...

Oh, I need the toilet. Wait a sec.

[Flush]

Sorry. Let me go back to that.

This is the silliest song ever...

Oh, I'm itchy. Sorry about that.

This is the craziest song ever...

[Ring ring]

Yes? No.

This is the craziest song ever...

[Cough]

This is the craziest song ever...

Atchoo!

This is the craziest song ever...

Oh, um... yeah, just... go do it, then.

This is the craziest song ever...

Can you just wait, Marjorie?

This is the craziest song ever...

Marjorie!

This is the craziest song ever...

Poo poo! Stop! Go over there. That's why I called you that name, because you always poo in your pants.

This is the craziest song ever...

And that's why I'm saying:

Wee.

Junior Gamesmaster: Tails of Equestria – Finding a Kid

My Little Pony: Tails of Equestria – Finding a Kid

DIY roleplaying game adventure

We hadn't played "story game" in a while, but after giving an impromptu presentation about the game system to her Nana, she naturally wanted to have a go with our latest, untested characters. I had another generic dungeon occult library ready to go, but she preferred to tell her own story and set her own challenges, which turned out somewhat reminiscent of a scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Being preoccupied as Game Master and going easy on herself meant she neglected her character's development, but I squeezed some educational alchemical accidents in to help my guy along, I can't afford to be complacent with her in charge.

The Smiling Balloon by Aimee

The Smiling Balloon

One day, a lady was just having breakfast. She had three pieces of toast with honey on them. She ate them all up.

She looked outside. There was nothing strange going on. All she saw was a duck toy that she never saw before. She didn't buy it. She never saw it. It was standing there.

The next morning, she looked out and she saw the duck toy again. It had moved from the spot where it was before.

The next day, she looked out and she saw the duck toy and a monkey toy.

The next day, she saw the duck toy, a monkey toy and a rabbit toy.

The next day, she saw the duck toy, a monkey toy, a rabbit toy and a bee toy.

Thw next day, she saw a Monster High toy lying down on the ground.

Every day, she saw something different in her garden. One day, when she was going in town, she saw her iPad on the ground. She picked it up and thought, 'I left it at home, I never bring that out.' She went home, she put it back.

She went back to the same spot and the iPad was there again. She went home and put it back.

She went back to the same spot, and it was still there again. She didn't pick it up, she went back home.

The iPad wasn't there, so it was the same iPad.

She saw the market in a different place where the toy shop was, and the toy shop where the market was. She didn't know what was going on. She asked some people, 'why did it move?' They said its always been like that.

She looked up in the sky. She saw grey clouds and rain coming down, but she didn't feel wet at all. She didn't have an umbrella, she didn't even have a coat, and everybody else got wet.

She looked up in the sky again. She saw a balloon with a smiley face on it, grinning at her.

She went back home, she was so confused, but this time the rain was coming inside her house, and outside it was sunny. She looked outside. The balloon was grinning at her. Soon enough, it was in her house. She popped it.

Then her breakfast that she had this morning suddenly appeared and it was night time in the middle of the night and she still saw that balloon grinning outside. And then she fainted.

We don't know why the balloon went inside her body.

Stories by Aimee

Junior Gamesmaster: Tails of Equestria – Run Away Danger (DIY)

My Little Pony: Tails of Equestria – Run Away Danger

DIY roleplaying game adventure

The longest meandering adventure in our relatively short roleplaying history, this epic Dantean trek through the multiverse spanned most of the school summer holiday, like the 90s Spider Man cartoon in cardboard standees, and about as coherent.

The young Game Master didn't waste any time on gradual escalation, plotting or other boring storytelling conventions, instead launching us straight into boss rush mode using all the biggest figures from the box to devastate the players (including herselves) and their supply of emergency tokens. After that onslaught, things got more cerebrally bleak as we travelled to the future and found it naught but a black void ("because it hasn't happened yet"), but still filled with more monsters down its multiple-choice paths that ate one of us.

I passed on the advice from the rulebook that GMs should be fans of the players who actually want them to enjoy themselves, and she reined it in to be about 20% less nihilistic after that.

Junior Gamesmaster: Tails of Equestria – The Glitter Fight (DIY)

My Little Pony: Tails of Equestria – The Glitter Fight

DIY roleplaying game adventure

After a thorough retreading of the official Ogres & Oubliettes adventure that saw the young player opting to exhaust all 10 random encounters, she still wasn't full on D&D Lite, so improvised her own sequel on the fly, and I got to experience being a clueless player under her tyranny again. I think I was doing okay until the final boss, when it stopped making any semblance of sense, but we were having foolish fun without screens, and that's what it's all about.

Aimee's art review

Albrecht Altdorfer, The Battle of Alexander at Issus (1529)

"I like this one. All the people, the message in the sky and the sun and the moon, it's very detailed. It's my favourite one."

Tsuguhara Foujita, Girl in the Park (1957)

"I like this one because it's bright and detailed."

Sam Francis, Around the Blues (1962)

"I don't like that one, it's rubbish."

Agnolo Bronzino, An Allegory of Venus and Cupid (1545)

"This is rude, because they're naked. There's a bottom there, a bottom there, there's even a willy. It's rude. I like it!"

Josef Albers, Homage to the Square (1964)

"The best thing about it is nothing. The worst thing about it is that it's just totally yellow. That's the worst one."

More songs by Aimee

The artist's second EP of song lyrics and stock photo selections following her 2024 debut.

I'll Always Have Your Back

You have to always remember

That I'll have your back

Forever

But didn't you know

That I'm sticking together with you

Some day we might be apart

But I don't think we will

Because we're together

I'll always have your back

No matter what

Because we're together

Forever

But didn't you know

That I'm sticking together with you

Forever

I'll always have your back

No matter what

Because we're together

Forever

Didn't you know

That we're sticking together

I'll always have your back

No matter what

Because we're together

Forever

Together Forever

How I shine

Shine though it's dark

You and me

You and me

That's a good reason why you love me

That's a good reason why you make me smile

And that is what I did with you

That is the reason why I have long hair like you

That is the reason I have black hair

Ohh ohh

Look at me, look at you, we're together now

Together all of us

We're all together, forever

Always be together, no matter what

I know we're together forever

You never worry about me being apart

I'll never forget you're me, you're in my heart

You were the reason that you made me fly in my dreams

The Money Song

[A half-hour financial epic improvised live at the playground and on the walk home, only a few fragments were recorded for posterity]

The money so-o-ong

Mo-o-o-o, mo-ney

Mo-o-o-o, mo-ney

Mo-o-o-on, ey-ey

Mo-o-o-on, ey-ey

You can do a painting job

You did the painting really well

And you get paid

You get the money today

Money, it's easy to get

You plant the crop

You plant the potatoes

You plant anything

Or you can do a different job

Like in the cafe

Be a babysitter

Whatever

And you'll get money, money

You'll get lots of money

Right in your day

You can get a coin

Put it in the locker, if you have one

My friend always has something in common

So let's pray for the day and shine bright with each other

So we can see the money, the mone-e-e-ey

Gloves Endless Song

[Scene: Wearing a pair of gloves on a hot summer day]

I'm definitely not taking my gloves off

Even though it's hot

I've got a secret, in my head...

Fine.

[Takes the gloves off]

Junior Gamesmaster: Tails of Equestria – Big Insect Monster High (DIY)

My Little Pony: Tails of Equestria – Big Insect Monster High

DIY roleplaying game adventure

The five-year-old GM came up with a cosmic horror story at school that we played out, featuring a planet-sized interdimensional insect, verbatim scenes from a Monster High movie and a musical interlude, culminating in a cataclysmic dice fest courtesy of One Deck Dungeon. It was genuinely better than the equivalent third chapter of our ongoing Dark Skies Over Equestria campaign that I'd planned to skip anyway.

Junior Gamesmaster: Tails of Equestria – Bubblegum Has a Choice (DIY)

My Little Pony: Tails of Equestria – Bubblegum Has a Choice

DIY roleplaying game adventure

I don't normally document my five-year-old's improvised doll stories, but incorporate a few dice rolls and apparently they're validated as roleplaying modules? Looks like it!

After seeing her dad step up to GM his own short adventure, she felt like giving it a go, to take back some narrative power and have more say over her beloved character's fate. Coming prepared only with a story hook (the ponies turn into people!), substitute Barbie/LOL dolls, and on-the-fly prompts courtesy of Story Cubes and various figures grabbed from the box, she took us on an emotional journey that ended up in a different place than she may have anticipated, at least consciously, and smoothed the transition to the next generation. Like any good writer, she came up with the title after.

It was also interesting for me to experience being a player for once and having to relinquish my usual godlike powers. Temporarily.

I mean, I expected some of my goth tastes might rub off on my daughter as she grew up...

...but she got here on her own.

Free ebook: 1001 Books That My Preschooler Has Read

1001 Books That My Preschooler Has Read: The Complete Babyliography 2020–24

Mostly read to her, but audiobooks count. Doesn't include unknown nursery books.

Unhelpfully reviewed by a man in his late 30s based on his own taste in literature.

Proper school and a new era of literacy starts tomorrow, but it'll still probably be mostly unicorns.

Download PDF

(0.9 MB)

Songs by Aimee

How Do We Swim

How do we swim

Under there

See what I can see

What is the water like

Is it the swimming

How do I swim

Real in true life

You can never guess

What happens

There was a mermaid

Under the sea

And I really underwater

Want to see

To see a mermaid in the sea

Deep and dark, shadowy

I really wonder

What underwater could be

Rainbow Dash Does a Sonic Rainboom

Rainbow Dash dashing through the clouds

Making the Sonic Rainboom really high

We love Rainbow Dash so much

Rainbow Dash dashing through the clouds

Rainbow Dash flies through the sweets

Rainbow Dash loves to make a Sonic Rainboom

Yeah, you gotta street

Rainbow Dash is dashing through the clouds

Very neat

Where you gonna eat?

Rainbow Dash is drowning through the clouds

Rainbow Dash hugs Twilight on the street

Rainbow Dash loves dashing the sweets

Dance! Dancing through the street

Rainbow Dash is coming...

Oh Dear, Tinky Winky by Aimee

When I was a (considerably older) child, I wrote a story on the Amiga about Tinky Winky being constipated and ultimately pooing everywhere. It's a great comfort to see my legacy continued.

Strange Invitation by Aimee