Deleted scenes: Year two

Another year's worth of photos, videos and blog self-flagellations that weren't good enough to be uploaded at the time, or just didn't fit in with whatever agenda I was trying to push.

Does not include South Korea, which has enough leftovers for a dedicated post.

The Dark Museum Off

When I started travelling, I considered museums essential destinations. I'd always had a passing interest in ancient history, so the art museums of Florence, the National Archaeological Museum of Athens and the charmingly run-down Egyptian Museum in Cairo took me on a fascinating journey backwards through time.

I didn't visit many museums after that, at least not many mainstream ones, as curiosity led me to develop a taste for something more niche. Over the past 18 months, I've made a hobby of tracking down museums that are sometimes sinister, mostly morbid and definitely dark.

Second first impressions

Drawn back to South East Asia by the lower cost of private rooms and paying people to cook all my meals for me (it really is all about that), the obsessive-compulsive, collector part of my brain is annoyed that there aren't many new lands left to visit in these parts, but the realistic part of my brain that occasionally speaks up reminded me that that's not important. It's not like I'm out here collecting passport stamps, this is my actual life.

Travelling extensively in this part of the world has taught me which countries I like and which are to be avoided, and there's always more to see - especially in countries I didn't visit for so long the first time around. Indonesia is an obvious choice, as even though I had some of my worst travel experiences in that country I've only been to two of its islands, but I opted for the Philippines again, which I really didn't see much of in 2011 thanks to arriving at the height of typhoon season. Maybe plans are useful sometimes.

I was so disappointed by the Philippines last time, mostly the fault of the typhoons admittedly, that I passed some time trapped in my rain-battered hotel room recalling my first impressions of all the countries I'd visited up to that point, to see whether my initial experiences coloured my overall opinion of a place. The jury's still out, so I've brought the list up to date with more first impressions of the countries I've visited since.

I checked the weather forecast for Cebu and it looked peachy, so I was optimistic that the Philippines would do better the second time around. I was wrong. But that's probably a good thing, as it turns out people enjoy my blog most when I'm angry, stressed, uncomfortable and generally not enjoying myself for your entertainment. Always glad to be of service.

On the buses

Night buses seemed like the ideal scenario when I started out travelling on a budget - by getting your cross-country journeys out of the way at night time, you could miss out on the boring parts of travel while simultaneously avoiding paying for a night's accommodation, thereby killing two birds with one bus. The perfect crime!

It wasn't until I actually took one and realised it's impossible to sleep when there's no leg room and an inconsiderate DVD player screening realistic rape scenes at inappropriate volume at 1AM that I started to realise the night bus' false economy.

Even after I took on more work and stopped living on such a tight budget, I still fell for the night bus trap occasionally, but with the benefit of experience I made sure each trip was followed by a day with no tourism obligations so I could catch up with afternoon naps. Over time I've got more used to sleeping on buses and can now manage as much as two interrupted hours most of the time. At this rate, I should be capable of falling asleep on any given surface at the drop of a hat when I'm an old man, which fits in well with my retirement plans.

Here's an unreliable breakdown of night buses by country, based on my own experience that's usually with a single firm and may not be representative of countries as a whole. But let's face it, most of them are pretty bad.

Mm, that's nice too

Iiiiit's October 28th again, and you know what that means! No? It means I just noticed it's the pointless anniversary of a day when I presumably wasn't doing very much last year, so made a greatest hits compilation of photos of ace natural sights I'd seen over the previous year.

I'm not exactly running low on new things to show you - I've got almost two months of backblog scheduled in case I get hospitalised or something and can't provide you with your bi-weekly fix of disappointing, low resolution photos of things you'll have to trust looked spectacular when I looked at them with my eyes through slightly wrong prescription glasses. But a tradition's a tradition, even a pointless, non-existent tradition, so here's another year's worth of nice nature things.

Japan vs Korea

Image: Althistory Wiki

I'm not suggesting that the State of Japan and Republic of Korea should have a fight to decide which one is the best, though Korea would probably win. The Japanese might outnumber them more than two to one (127.5 million to 48.9 million), but Japan isn't allowed an army after being a bit naughty last time, whereas you can't walk down a Korean street or get on a bus without seeing drafted teenagers in military garb, thanks to the country's dodgy neighbour to the north. I'm hoping that by using such childish language, I can downplay the severity of these things.

Those are the only things resembling facts or statistics you're going to see in this post by the way, which will be an entirely subjective, meandering analysis of which country I personally like spending my time in more out of two countries that I like quite a lot. These are definitely the places I feel most comfortable in Asia without getting bored - Singapore falls at that second hurdle, as well as for its over-the-top commercialism and general corruption. Plus, there's only so much unpleasant spitting and public bogie evacuations I can take. And it's a bit hot.

Japan's larger size and tectonic plate boundary naturally mean it's got more going on and there's more chance of an interesting volcano or forest sprouting up, but this has the contrasting effect of making Korea more appealing to my obscure tastes as the underdog. I'd heard a lot about Japan before I went there (there were still some surprises), but I knew practically nothing about Korea before I started travelling, and slowly put the pieces into place as I went along by making friends and more-than-friends. If you want to pretend this blog and my travels have any story behind them to make the random nature of life more meaningful, I had Japan in mind as a possible, far-off destination before I even started, but it was arriving in Korea that really felt like I'd accomplished something.

And now I'm back for a bit more, now the sun's come out, the ice has melted and I can visit all those national parks that would have killed me last time.

Just as sloshed as Schlegel

I didn't feel noticeably wiser after traversing the Path of Philosophy (哲学の道) in Higashiyama, which connects many of Kyoto's most significant historical sites, though that could have been partly due to the fact that my soundtrack to the journey was Daniel Defoe's celebrated imperialist horror Robinson Crusoe, and the rage was clouding my judgement.

Don't read it unless you're the sort of person who thinks the extermination of backwards indigenous cultures by the progressive regime of Catholicism is a good thing, especially if you've visited countries where this has actually happened. If that sounds like you, you can stop reading my blog while you're at it.

Despite my unwise choice of audiobook, this was a nice walk and a pleasant way to spend my last few days in Japan. This time. It's ridiculous and very bad news for our planet that it's cheaper for me to leave this country and come back again later than it is just to take a train between cities. I'm screwing our environment and putting human civilisation in jeopardy. I'm like a 21st century Crusoe.

I won't lie to you, this post is pretty much all temples, shrines and pagodas again. But if you behave, I might throw in some more unpleasant schoolgirl costumes. Aren't you lucky?

Geisha not from around here

When I headed to Gion on my first day in Kyoto, I was hoping to snap a couple of photos of elusive geishas in the wild, like I failed to do with Yakuza gangsters in Kabukichō. But I wasn't planning on being too obvious about it - a blurry, over the shoulder stealth shot would satisfy my sightseeing checklist, without getting in these women's way or making them feel like freak shows.

But I forgot this is Japan, where taking photos is as necessary as going to the bathroom (camera functions are often easier to get your head around than their complicated sci-fi toilets too), and these painted ladies seemed happy/resigned to stand around for five minutes each time they turned a corner and were swarmed by a new crowd of Japanese and foreign tourists.

Come and gawp then.

Kyoto-tal recall

If Tokyo was a sci-fi utopia (let's face it, it practically is), its jumbled anagram namesake Kyoto would be the evil dystopian twin. But once you've spent some time walking between pleasant temples and gardens on this city's convenient grid layout, you realise it's sprawling Tokyo that's the evil, unhinged one. The used schoolgirl panties vending machines should have been a hint, really.

But evil is always a lot more fun, so Kyoto unfortunately seems a little boring by comparison. I hope you like temples and things.

Q: Are there really used schoolgirl panties vending machines in Japan?

This was the question I and some people I was talking to in the hostel became committed to answering after we read contradictory and doubtful accounts of this unique and extremely dubious aspect of Japanese 'culture.'

If you've been following my excellent adventures for a while, you might remember how disappointed I felt at the end of my Malaysia trip when I failed in my quest to find the world's largest pencil. This new task felt similarly vital, and I knew I couldn't move on from Tokyo until the matter was settled, and I could be sure this city's more depraved residents had a convenient way to get their perverted fix. I don't think I could have stomached another failure, though admittedly the prospect of success was similarly stomach-churning.

I didn't really want these things to exist, but I had a mission and I intended to see it through in spite of taste or decency. Join my unholy quest.

A childish day out again again again again again again again again

In retrospect, this looks less whimsical and a lot creepier than intended

I didn't have any kind of plan when I took the JR train to Ueno, feeling restless and assuming there'd be something to occupy me there.

It didn't take too long before I ran into some critters that inspired me to visit my sixth zoo in a year and a half (not counting sanctuaries and wild critters). By myself. With lazy beard growth and wearing a T-shirt of an infectious parasite. I wonder why all the parents and school group supervisors were making sure the kids kept their distance? Just courtesy, I guess.

Maid in Japan

I hadn't heard of maid cafes before I saw these morally dubious flyer girls on every street corner in Akihabara, but as someone who was brought up with the controversial world view of gender equality, and having seen enough preachy Star Trek allegories to know that servitude isn't generally something to be encouraged, things didn't look promising.

When I later found out what sort of stuff goes on behind that cheery facade it wasn't quite as bad as I feared, but was still pretty sickening. Which basically means the girls are paid to find all of their customers' conversations fascinating and their personal quirks endearing rather then creepy, but that any excitement the customer may get from this endorsed superiority has to remain a secret. He has to keep his hands to himself, and not in that way.

I'm using the third person because I decided not to cross the moral line and visit a maid cafe myself, but once I'd come up with the blog title I had to mention it some time. Plus, it was pretty expensive and I wanted to save my yen for the cat cafe, which isn't an outrageous Are You Being Served? style euphemism for pussy. They're cafes where you hang out with some cats. It's ridiculous, but at least they don't make the cats wear debasing French maid outfits. Actually, what am I talking about - they definitely do.

Where are my goddamn freaks?

There are no freaks in this picture. Even I'm not that mean

I don't like being a slave to someone else's schedule, and usually go to places when it's convenient for me. But having heard that Tokyo's resident misfits, show-offs and other assorted, self-appointed freaks like to gather in Yoyogi Park on Sundays to spend time together and out-weird each other with sexy or horrific Cosplay outfits (or both), that gave me a clear deadline for my day out in west Tokyo.

Maybe I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, or maybe The Man is stamping down on these freaks' freedom of confusing expression, but I didn't get to gawp at the freaks today... or did I? Who's to say the businessmen, shoppers, students and tourists dashing across the five-way intersections and packing into the narrow lanes of Shibuya and Harajuku aren't the real freak show?

No, I just double checked and the ones who dress up like dead school kids are the freaks, obviously. I don't know what I was thinking. At least the park was nice.

Tokyo good experiencing joy you 6 garden

Enough of wilderness excursions, cosmic choreography and minging museums, I know what you want from Tokyo. Shibuya is probably the best place to see iconic Tokyo sights like too many people crowding into cramped streets, cyberpunk fashions and deafening arcades packed with pensioners, though these static photos probably give a misleading impression of how stressful and frenzied it all isn't.

Even when my senses are being overloaded, I still feel a lot more relaxed in Japan than in most other countries I've visited (Korea excepted), and even during rush hour, the scales are tipped more in favour of order than chaos. That doesn't mean this city always makes sense and isn't completely bewildering on occasion - it's Tokyo, after all. Perhaps you've heard of it?

Another totally disgusting museum

Another ghastly blog you shouldn't read if you're squeamish or were planning on eating today, about another macabre museum I urgently needed to visit as soon as I read about it.

The assorted tapeworms and other organisms displayed at the Meguro Parasitological Museum in Tokyo aren't as shocking as the deformed baby corpses and crushed skulls of Bangkok's Siriraj Medical Museum, but this research centre still probably isn't a place to take your kids on a family day out in Tokyo. Unless it's me as a kid.

I saw an eclipse today... honestly

They don't call me Dave 'Hubble' Warburton for... obvious reasons

On the morning of 21 May, I stepped outside to get a can of hot coffee from the vending machine (that sentence alone might have merited a blog post back when these things weren't normal) and saw a few people from my hostel gathered on the other side of the street, swapping around what looked like three pairs of differently shaped sunglasses clumsily fixed together. Because that's what it was.

Apparently, there was an annular solar eclipse going on that I hadn't even known about, but was able to enjoy through this crude and extremely medically inadvisable apparatus. Don't try this at home, and certainly don't try to take a photo through it with your camera. It will look shit. But I thought it might amuse you. It should have looked a bit more like this:

Ring of Fire, as seen from the Ring of Fire.
But enough about my anal fissures (Image: Wikipedia)

I saw Mount Fuji today... honestly

Mount Fuji from Mount Takao, as seen with my natural eyes.
Photo: Japanory

This may not be news to you, but Tokyo is pretty big. So big, you can travel on an express train for 90 minutes and still be well within the city limits. So big, you can escape the squashed city streets for the serenity of the mountains and not even get close to the edge of the local rail map.

I've been trying to pack in as much as I can during my brief stay in Tokyo, and filling my 'off' days with work due to inflated worries about how much Japan's costing me (not too much and I'm doing fine, but don't waste your effort trying to assuage my paranoia with facts and maths). So discovering that the day trip to tranquil Mount Takao would only take about an hour and 1000 yen or so each way, this seemed like a great way to spend the best part of my Saturday.

I love nature walks, and from the websites I read, this seemed to be my perfect type of national park - not too far out, well signposted trails, the teasing prospect of monkeys and easily accessible even by old women, so I can clamber over tree roots past the old dears and delude myself about my physical superiority.

Unfortunately, this promise of Zen serenity was splintered into annoyance and more financial worries when I arrived at Takaosanguchi station and dug around in my bag to find my camera was missing.

Tokyold and new

Tokyo may be a sci-fi city set permanently in the future, but there's some nice old stuff here as well. Or at least, what remains of old stuff and reconstructions of old stuff destroyed in some obscure Asian conflict called 'World War II.'

Budgeting my days out is fun and a refreshing bit of strategic thriftiness after being able to travel ridiculous distances in Thailand, Malaysia and even Korea for practically nothing, so today I planned out a rapid tour of Tokyo's east side that took in the old, the faux-old and the brand spanking new. What you won't see is the tangled subway knots and train connections linking these places together, which was all part of the experience.

Tallest, oldest, sexiest

...but enough about me! Brilliant, Dave. This blog was inspired by my visit to (look at) the Tokyo Sky Tree (東京スカイツリー) a few days before the grand opening of THE WORLD'S TALLEST tower.

It wasn't all that impressive. Maybe I've seen too many doc-off structures in the last couple of years or maybe I only visited reluctantly out of a sense of obligation - after all, if you've already seen a few examples of a thing, you have to complete the set, no matter what the cost to your finances and patience. That's what those never-ending Dinosaurs and Star Trek Fact Files magazines taught me as a kid (or taught my mother, who had to buy the bloody things).

Maybe having some official goals would make me feel more motivated and excited, and make it easier to obscure the pointless futility of life. Here's some far from complete brainstorming.

Sleep like the dead

I thought long and hard about where to go next after not exactly being blown away by Sri Lanka, before ultimately making an impulse decision again after spotting an absurdly cheap flight to Tokyo. It was as good a reason as any, and this time I was a lot more excited about Japan, having strategically lowered my quality of life in recent weeks rather than coming straight from comfortable Korea like last time.

In the short term, I was particularly excited about spending my first night in a capsule hotel - you know, those extremely cramped, utilitarian bed/coffin arrangements that sprang up as a cheap accommodation alternative in the overcrowded megatropolis of Tokyo.

You might have seen these on TV shows highlighting how kerrrazy Japan is. I thought I had, but clearly I hadn't, as the image I had in my mind was of a fully grown man in pyjamas sliding horizontally into a barely-human-sized slot, like a poor family keeping its children in a chest of drawers (citation needed).

It turns out it's really not that bad, and I found there to be more than enough space. Though I have spent a lot of time in bunks over the last 20 months, which generally offered a lot less room and privacy (especially last time I was in Japan). You'll have to try harder than that to shock me, Tokyo - please take on the challenge.