Deleted scenes: Year two

Another year's worth of photos, videos and blog self-flagellations that weren't good enough to be uploaded at the time, or just didn't fit in with whatever agenda I was trying to push.

Does not include South Korea, which has enough leftovers for a dedicated post.

Second first impressions

Drawn back to South East Asia by the lower cost of private rooms and paying people to cook all my meals for me (it really is all about that), the obsessive-compulsive, collector part of my brain is annoyed that there aren't many new lands left to visit in these parts, but the realistic part of my brain that occasionally speaks up reminded me that that's not important. It's not like I'm out here collecting passport stamps, this is my actual life.

Travelling extensively in this part of the world has taught me which countries I like and which are to be avoided, and there's always more to see - especially in countries I didn't visit for so long the first time around. Indonesia is an obvious choice, as even though I had some of my worst travel experiences in that country I've only been to two of its islands, but I opted for the Philippines again, which I really didn't see much of in 2011 thanks to arriving at the height of typhoon season. Maybe plans are useful sometimes.

I was so disappointed by the Philippines last time, mostly the fault of the typhoons admittedly, that I passed some time trapped in my rain-battered hotel room recalling my first impressions of all the countries I'd visited up to that point, to see whether my initial experiences coloured my overall opinion of a place. The jury's still out, so I've brought the list up to date with more first impressions of the countries I've visited since.

I checked the weather forecast for Cebu and it looked peachy, so I was optimistic that the Philippines would do better the second time around. I was wrong. But that's probably a good thing, as it turns out people enjoy my blog most when I'm angry, stressed, uncomfortable and generally not enjoying myself for your entertainment. Always glad to be of service.

Mm, that's nice too

Iiiiit's October 28th again, and you know what that means! No? It means I just noticed it's the pointless anniversary of a day when I presumably wasn't doing very much last year, so made a greatest hits compilation of photos of ace natural sights I'd seen over the previous year.

I'm not exactly running low on new things to show you - I've got almost two months of backblog scheduled in case I get hospitalised or something and can't provide you with your bi-weekly fix of disappointing, low resolution photos of things you'll have to trust looked spectacular when I looked at them with my eyes through slightly wrong prescription glasses. But a tradition's a tradition, even a pointless, non-existent tradition, so here's another year's worth of nice nature things.

The longest month

I got a bit fed up of South Asia towards the end of last year, but after seeing through a Korean winter it seemed like a good idea to go back to these warmer climates. I probably should have stayed away longer.

Sri Lanka requires a certain state of mind, and if you're heading here for a relaxing holiday, on a spiritual retreat or for any other reason that doesn't rely on technology or prompt service, it might not be so bad. Then again, it's only a couple of extra hours to South East Asia, so I'm not sure why you'd feel the need to stop off here. Maybe like me you wanted to see something different and made an arbitrary decision based on budget flights.

I might have been able to achieve this state of mind if my livelihood didn't depend on a reliable power supply and Wi-Fi connections capable of at least loading Gmail in basic HTML mode without crashing. I've hopefully learned a lesson (or reminded myself after forgetting) that some countries just aren't suited to dependence on an internet connection and electricity. I've also learned that one month isn't always too brief a stay in a country, especially when many days are frustrating ordeals that make me wonder why I didn't just stay in Korea for the spring.

I (don't) have the powerrrrrr

Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
Anyway, I'm just a plug;
Get some perspective.

The day I had long feared finally arrived as I gazed down at the power cord tethered umbilically to the left side of my laptop to find its familiar white glow absent. Tenderly wiggling it around in its socket and aggressively forcing the prongs in and out of the wall, I was unable to re-ignite the spark of life. My laptop plug had delivered its final charge and gone to join the toasters in silicon heaven.

I was screwed.

We fort them hard, we fort them well

I regretted my decision to take the train down Sri Lanka's west coast before I boarded the vehicle, which began rapidly filling up with human cattle even before it came to a halt on the platform. Clearly, these people aggressively shoving past disembarking old women knew something I didn't, and my comparative politeness left me spending most of the sweaty three hour journey squeezing myself into the space in front of people's knees as an endless stream of snack sellers tried to mow down standing passengers with their aisle-wide carts.

Maybe that's why I was so relieved to arrive in Galle's historic Fort district, which felt a lot more peaceful and spacious than other cities in this country, and where I was only pestered by about one taxi driver per minute as I stubbornly walked to my hotel - an unprecedented improvement. I thought Kandy was quite nice, mainly for not being Colombo, but this place is properly nice. I couldn't wait to de-stress and get my work done before heading out early the next morning to take photos.

After a good sleep, Galle seemed less spectacular in the harsh light of day, but it's still the most attractive dilapidated colonial outpost I've visited - more relaxed than Georgetown and Malacca, less sterile than Singapore and the less said about Manila and Malang the better. I like it when people actually live in these heritage attractions, though I had a familiar sense of vague ancestral guilt that the place I felt most comfortable in Sri Lanka was the one largely built by Europeans.

Into the lion's den

There's a lot to see in Sri Lanka's northern provinces, but weighing up how much I was prepared to spend and how many days' worth of blogs I really needed to get out of this place (come on, let's get to the insanity of Tokyo already), I decided the only other thing I really had to see before heading back south was the Sigiriya rock fortress.

I didn't feel like relocating to another part of the country for a few days just for the sake of 90 minutes' sightseeing, so I took the unprecedented luxury travel option of making the couple of hours' journey by taxi. These five days in Anuradhapura I've basically had a driver, like I'm Lady Penelope or something, because after dealing with bus hassle in Kandy and rail closures in Colombo I really couldn't be bothered any more.

It wasn't too long ago that I explained how travelling hadn't changed me, but that was before South Korea reminded me about quality of life. Hopefully this is just temporary wastefulness brought about by a couple of weeks of higher travel stress than usual, otherwise this blog could serve as a chronicle of my transformation into a monster.

Speaking of monsters, check this place out. No wisecracking commentary this time, just enjoy the journey.

How many New Years do you people need?

Four months into 2012, I'd already had to endure three new years in the countries I visited. The Solar New Year (1 January) and Lunar New Year (23 January) in Korea were easy enough to avoid, and the swarming streets didn't look much different from the safety of my tower. But the Sinhalese New Year in Sri Lanka (13 April) was a different matter, as the family-owned shops, restaurants and hotels that are so pleasingly prevalent in developing countries all took the day off so they could go swimming in the lake. Where's an evil corporation when you need one? I'm thirsty.

It was like being back in the UK during that dead period between 25 December and 3 January when the Western world shuts down (I never did work out what was going on there). It's my own fault for not doing my research, as I'm pretty sure there are websites and leaflets out there designed specifically to inform me about this. If I'd known the country would be sleeping for 48 hours I wouldn't have spent my Thursday uploading photos of old ruins on a tediously slow connection - I could have done some emergency stockpiling instead. But if there's one thing you will have noticed about me in recent months, it's that I'm incapable of planning ahead.

Bodhi langurage

The pleasantly mouldering temples of Anuradhapura aren't just curiosities for tourists to visit and write ace blogs about. Even the more remote ones attract their fair share of interactive scenery (i.e. local people), and major ones like the Bodhi Tree Temple are extremely hard to take vacant photos of without some bloody humans getting into frame. Sometimes I can't tell if I'm a perfectionist or a misanthrope.

The Bodhi tree itself is reputed to date back to 288 BC, which is really, really old. Impressive, sure, but did this tree uproot itself and fly hundreds of miles to join its owner in exile, like the Tobiume plum tree at Dazaifu definitely actually did? Didn't think so - bad luck Bodhi, you get second place.

Citadel

'Citadel' is another word I love, like 'dilapidated' (and there's plenty of that here too). It's one of those terms that feels loaded with historical intrigue, like 'labyrinth,' 'catacombs' and 'Maharajah.' Or maybe these words just take me back to early-90s dungeon quest Amiga games. Either way it felt very satisfying to be wading through overgrown fields and discovering parts of Anuradhapura's forgotten city.

At least it feels forgotten compared to the likes of Angkor in Cambodia. I didn't have to make use of odd angles and strategic cropping to avoid the tourists this time - no one was here except me and my monkeys.

The fresh prince of bell stupas

(Yeah, I know - but it was either that or an even worse Star Wars pun based on these bell-shaped shrines being called 'dagobas' in Sinhalese).

The difficult-to-pun Anuradhapura was my third major stop in Sri Lanka, and the point at which this country finally became good. Wandering around in the overgrown ruins of the citadel was my favourite experience in this country, but the dagobas were pretty nice too - mainly for being absurdly gigantic on occasion. These were among the biggest structures in the ancient world, and not all of them have been annoyingly renovated and made to look nice.

Walking around on these vast stone plateaus took me back to the Egyptian pyramids, and I had a similar feeling of awe about the achievements of early human civilisation, long before the founding of Rome or Athens.

Or aliens did it, whichever.

Eye Kandy

Despite receiving a typically bad first impression of taxi drivers in Sri Lanka when a driver charged me 100 rupees to retrieve my own bag from his vehicle (to be fair, I had left it on the seat and he'd had to drive back around the corner again to find me, but still - prick), and generally having to shoo away more relentless taxi touts than mosquitoes in this country, I gave them a second chance by arranging a tour of Kandy and the surrounding area with a more reputable driver.

I was hesitant because I don't feel comfortable having my own dedicated driver, the same way I don't like people serving me in restaurants (you can cook the food, but at least let me do the washing up). But I wanted to see as much as I could in as short a time as possible, so as with Siem Reap and Jeju Island I ticked off a week's worth of blog material in one day, giving myself plenty of free time to lie around in my pants reading novels about Benedictine monks and eating ginger nuts. Makes you wonder why I complain so much, doesn't it?

This was supposed to be a day tour, but because I'm an efficient, unfeeling android with no interest in lingering in places beyond the time it takes to collect sufficient photos to document their existence in this blog (and because I passed up the factory visits after experience in Egypt taught me most of this time would be spent politely declining samples in the stores) we were finished by lunchtime.

Elexphloitantion

I exploited an elephant again today. These Sri Lankan elephants at least seemed better cared for than the filthy, depressing ones I rode in Chiang Mai last year, but since no one got back to me with any photos from that day of me riding a jumbo, it was necessary to recreate the evidence of my crimes against nature. Yes, that's the excuse we'll go with. File it alongside the camel, the monkey and those other elephants.

Riding around on a massive animal was fun, but I won't do it again. Fortunately, I was able to hypocritically alleviate some of this guilt by visiting the nearby elephant orphanage and contributing towards the care of the rehabilitated herd. Throwing money at a problem is much easier than helping out.

Live and unplugged in Kandy

It was live for me, anyway. You know, at the time

It won't have escaped your attention that I'm not exactly in the best place at the moment, both mentally and geographically speaking. It was tougher than I expected to get used to poor countries again, even though I'm far from being a luxury traveller and have spent most of the last two years in what could be arrogantly described as the Third World.

Most of the time I'm happy to assimilate - taking the local bus, eating at humble restaurants and staying at places that are not called things like 'Sri Lancashire Guesthouse' (it's like someone won a competition to come up with the hotel name that would appeal to me the least).

But when I arrive at a remote hotel that promises Wi-Fi access on its website and turns out not even to have a phone line, I tend to forget where I am and slide back into righteously indignant consumer mode. I'd considered taking some time off work and blogs and going unplugged, but didn't appreciate this being forced upon me.

S(or)ri(e), Lanka

'I'm no psychologist sir, but maybe the bleak, lonely, pointless emptiness of our hopeless, futile predicament is beginning to get to him'

- Kryten, Red Dwarf

Sorry Sri Lankans, I might have been a bit unfair to you in the last couple of posts. The good news is, I've now had encounters with a few locals who haven't been primarily concerned with trying to rip me off - like my friendly guest house owner and inquisitive street urchins - so I don't have to create a YouTube account and spam every pleasant Sri Lanka video I come across with groundless racist abuse.

Colombo may have reminded me of Manila (and must therefore never be spoken of again), but away from the city, this country has reminded me most of my first week in Bali, when I stayed at a similarly middle-of-nowhere place and might have been in the most relaxed state of mind I've experienced at any point over the last year. Or maybe it just seemed that way in contrast to the extreme stress of my first few days there, which might have been the greatest anxiety I've experienced since I started travelling. Whichever, the same thing has happened in Sri Lanka, and by Day Four I feel a lot more relaxed and ready to enjoy this place and its friendly/irritating people.

My wife loves your city

If there was anything worth showing you in Colombo, you would have been spared that terrible joke. Unfortunately, there really isn't.

There are some quite attractive colonial buildings that seem symbolic in their decrepitude, and it's always nice to see colourful back-street temples demonstrating the diversity of religions, but it's nothing I haven't seen before in Malaysia. I didn't enjoy the compulsory sightseeing walk-about as much as usual, as I often had to make a choice between walking in the crazy road or walking through actual shit and around dead birds being eaten by their friends. Plus, this is Sri Lanka, so there were people pretending to give a shit about me because their brother owned a car rental company.

Staying in the Little India areas of Malaysian cities and Singapore gave me a taste (sometimes literally - yum, yum) of what South Central Asia might be like, but if it's this bad in Sri Lanka I'm now almost convinced I don't want to go to India. As remarkable as its jungles, crumbling ruins and wildlife would be (my idea of India is a little outdated and is largely based on The Jungle Book), I don't know why I'd choose to subject myself to more terrible cities like this when I could be relaxing on some pleasant island or something instead. I have the choice.

At least spending the morning in Colombo made me appreciate my little resort town more, relentless touts and all. And I did enjoy the train journey along the coast - even cheaper and more rickety than Thailand trains - which makes me optimistic that I might get away with never having to use the roads while I'm here. Yeah, right.

So friendly

Let's start my Sri Lanka blogs off with a complaint. Just to be different.

I don't usually do a lot of research before I arrive in a country, beyond trying to find the lowest priced room and getting a rough idea of the exchange rate so I won't be violated too roughly by taxi drivers. This lazy research is probably the reason I end up booking these cheap hotels several hours distant from the airport, when I really could have done with something closer on a day I hadn't slept for about 40 hours (I wasn't going to rely on my alarm after last time).

But one constant that shone through in the various websites I read about Sri Lanka is just how friendly the people are. Seriously, these people are almost paranormally friendly - so friendly, they'll follow you down the street when you're trying to enjoy a peaceful walk, reminding you that they can give you a tour of the city in their taxi even after you've politely declined several times.

The waiters are extremely friendly too, standing right next to you and distracting you slightly from your lamprais, in case you suddenly change your mind about getting that second bottle of ginger beer and they can run to your aid. Despite previously having made you wait up to 30 minutes to take your order, making the lethargic Italians look like Sonic the Arseing Hedgehog.

The three-wheeler taxi drivers are the friendliest of all though. So friendly, they'll even take you to a hotel you didn't ask to be taken to, because they're concerned about your wellbeing and finances. Despite your protests that you've already booked a hotel and told them the specific address when you finally gave in to their nagging at the bus station and realised the extra cost of a taxi would be worth it for getting to your hotel faster than taking another bus, not having accounted for these time-wasting detours.

Hey ma look, it's me!

I was gathering together some photos of me from this blog recently after someone requested them, so I thought I'd share them with you. This is the most self-indulgent post I've ever made, even by this blog's usual Onanistic standards, but this chronological collection could at least be useful for nutrionists interested in charting my weight loss throughout my travels (apparently I got fat before I left Edinburgh and was a shrivelled wreck again by the time I got to Thailand - really? How did I not notice?)

Putting this together, I noticed that I really don't take that many photos of myself any more - like I don't feel the need to get in the frame as evidence that I actually visited a place (unless it seems funny). Either the novelty of having a camera was finally worn off, or I've become less vain over time. Says the guy who just spent a couple of hours compiling a blog post all about himself, consisting entirely of images of himself.

This is just photos of me that you've probably already seen (though some are from slightly different angles - exciting!) It might be me next to a thing, me doing a thing or me wearing a thing, but the subject is still me. Seriously, there are about 50 of them - this is the equivalent of my Facebook tagged images or something. If you're not interested in me, don't read more.