Thursday, April 7, 2011

By George! (Town)

This is what The Real Georgetown looks like: no pavements, typical Asian traffic and charming open-air sewers making their valuable contributions to the fascinating bouquet of disgusting smells. Welcome to Penang!

But it isn't all bad, especially when you head to the Historic City of George Town World Heritage Site (wow, UNESCO really hands these things out) where Malay, Chinese, Arabic, Indian and colonial influences mix on every street, and cultures from all over the world get together to celebrate their different, incorrect beliefs (don't you know Raƫlism is the true faith? Stupid earthlings).

So plug up your nose, look upwards and share the wonders I've seen. (It's mainly old buildings and stuff). This is what happens when you give a detailed tourist map to a borderline obsessive person with an afternoon to fill.

Historic City of George Town

George Town esplanade: no esplanadetions needed

Town Hall and City Hall (different things, apparently) + War Memorial

Queen Victoria Memorial Clock Tower (1897)
and Weird Sci-Fi Egg Thing (2285)

Cathedral of the Assumption, I assume? (1861)

St George's Church (1818), notable for being constructed entirely out of origami

Pigeons come to worship at the Goddess of Mercy Temple (1800)

Mahamariamman Temple (1883).
Impressive name, sure, but it would score shit-all in Scrabble

Teochew Temple (Bless you. 1870)

Kapitan Keling Mosque (1801), the tallest old thing in Georgetown. Big whoop!

KOMTAR (1978), the tallest new thing in Georgetown. Whoopee-shit

Cheah Kongsi (1870s), a Chinese temple featuring British lion heads apparently.
I dunno, they all look the same to me

Masjid Melayu Lebuh Acheh Mosque (1808).
I cannot think of any disrespectful jokes about Allah or His prophet Muhammad (pbuh)

Church Street Pier (1897). Its antique value is compromised slightly by plastering a gaudy ad banner for strippers on the front of it

Brilliantly ramshackle Chew clan jetties.
Where people still choose to live on water even though there's perfectly good land available

The Blue Mansion (1880s), famous because some rich dead guy lived there.
And for being blue

Check out which street it's on!
The Leith Walk of Penang. I thought the smell of heroinny vomit was familiar

Benggali Mosque (1803), complete with foreboding loudspeakers.
I'm just glad I don't stay near here, that's the last thing my recovering sleep pattern needs

Hey now, it's the Hainan Temple (1895)

Genuinely terrifying sign for a clumsy wanderer like me

Fort Cornwallis (1786)

Rickety old cannon

Lighthouse and massive cobweb

Dave loves war (I really don't)

Captain Francis Light's commemorative statue (1978)

Captain Francis Light's rotting corpse (21st October 1794).

This was a lucky find, as I only went into the peaceful cemetery to escape the sun and find some amusing period character names for the story I'm supposed to be writing

...That's normal behaviour right?
(RIP btw)


  1. Mariel and Rich were just there. Did you see them?

    Also, I was thinking about your surname recently. Before I lazily associated it with bread, but then I looked harder: War (war) and burton (tailors? I don't know, but they sell clothes so they might make them too) so your name means tailor of war. You DO love war. (You really do!)

  2. So by that same logic, what do YOU like?

    Hoist by your own gay wood!

  3. To be honest, I'd rather like homosexuals (or homosexual erections/timber/forests/whichever angle you were going for) than the senseless massacring of millions over some commodity or piece of land that you probably don't even need in the first place.

    Why do you do it, Dave? :(

  4. Hahahaha! you guys are the funniest buddies I have ever met. I totally enjoy just listening to your convo(and now reading your comments)! You guys should come over Philippines sometime, specially you OLIVER! If you have not put Philippines on your list then you are missing out a lot!

  5. The egg thingy u mentioned earlier was not an egg.. It's actually a sculpture representing the island's name *I bet you knew what the island's name is* in Malay it is called buah pinang or in English areca nut. That's what it is.

    1. Thanks for the correction! I actually thought it was just an artistic sculpture, I didn't know it was supposed to be something. This was my first stop in Malaysia so I know I made some mistakes, I learned a lot more about the country later!