"The very premise of writing a review on a 1980s arcade game today may seem a little silly and unnecessary, however this is not the case: it is good." – Ms. Pac-Man review, 2003
I lost interest in computer games around the time people stopped calling them "computer games," but when writing "consumer reviews" became my £1-a-day job as a penniless teenager and then student, I got plenty of mileage out of digging up the classics (and less than classics). When those ran out, and I needed a steady stream of fresh topics to write about to keep up the momentum, I cracked open the 16-bit ROM library to see what treasures or otherwise lay therein.
Here are 79,000 words of inherently unhelpful game reviews written for dooyoo.co.uk between 2000 and 2010, mainly concentrated in the middle of that span.
Nearly all of them are much too long and go into more detail than would be strictly necessary even if the games weren't obsolete, because waffling on meant higher ratings and more chance of getting a coveted crown (£1.50!) from the majority of people who didn't actually bother to read what they clicked on and mistakenly equated quantity with quality.
I apologise for the occasional interruptions by "modern" (i.e. late 1990s to early 2000s) games. Most of these are early abberations before I set myself straight and clogged up the site with worthless product suggestions just for me.
Key:
Amiga games (31)
PC games (10)
Sega Mega Drive games (27)
Super Nintendo games (3)
Sony PlayStation games (5)
Sega Dreamcast games (3)
A
Kooky
Written on 04.03.07
****
The high profile remake of ‘The Addams Family’ in 1991 spawned an inevitable 16-bit video game spin-off that, as was customary for all such titles, bears such a tenuous relationship to the film that it can easily be played without having knowledge of the storyline. This also means that the biggest fan of the movie can comfortably avoid this game for eternity, without feeling like he or she has missed out on a great piece of tie-in merchandise, as it doesn’t add anything to the experience.
The game is called ‘The Addams Family,’ the box sports the film poster, and the characters have the same names. Beyond this, there’s nothing that gives off a distinctly pungent Addams Family whiff, and this could easily be the template for any generic horror-based platform game. Bizarrely, this games looks more like an adaptation of the 1960s TV show rather than the film, from the appearance of Gomez in a pinstripe suit with a likeness that’s more John Astin than Raúl Juliá (though the graphics aren’t up to much) and Thing’s confinement to red boxes rather than the newfound freedom the helpful hand gained in the feature film. It seems very strange that such a game should ignore the revamp and risk alienating the young players whose experience of the family is likely restricted to the film. There isn’t even the excuse of rushing this out for release before the film was properly developed: this game was released a year later, in 1992.
With the film’s plot ignored (which focused on the return of long-lost Uncle Fester), this game starts from scratch with the arcane nuclear family’s everyday life disrupted. In a plot that’s more than a little reminiscent of Super Mario Bros., as well as pretty much every cartoonish platform game released between 1987 and 1993, the player must travel across varied terrain in a number of areas with the goal of rescuing kidnapped family members at the end. Lacking the luxury of character selection, the player controls Gomez Addams, a pint-sized, large-headed caricature of the man of the household. Gomez is controlled with the Amiga’s joystick, and can be moved left or right, and can jump to reach higher platforms. When in possession of a ‘beanie’ – red fez hat with a propeller, that really has nothing whatsoever to do with anything – Gomez can fly for a limited period, necessary in reaching otherwise impossible areas such as the roof of the Addams’ mansion, and avoiding a nasty death over lava. Each level is intended to represent a different part of the Addams’ mansion, from underneath the garden/graveyard to hallways, the dining room and the ridiculously long boiler room, and each contains individual enemies that can be dispatched with a Mario-style bop on the head. If they have a head, that is.
The graphics are fairly basic 16-bit fare, and there’s nothing that tries to impress aside from the start menu screen, which attempts to reproduce the film’s logo and ends up emphasising the limitations of the format. Gomez and the other human (?) characters are drawn in an exaggerated manner comparable to that of the similar adaptation game ‘’Allo ’Allo: Cartoon Fun,’ but it’s quite noticeable that the enemy designs don’t fit in too well. Partly thanks to bright colours, it’s always obvious whether a sprite is an object that can be collected, such as dollar signs or the flying fez, or a beastie that will take one of Gomez’ three life hearts. As for the sound, the music in the interior levels can get pretty annoying as the faux-organ score repeats endlessly, but there’s a nice contrast in the exteriors where the music is more subdued and some convincing wind effects dominate. The sound effects are the least inspired aspect of all, and not a lot of thought seems to have been put into the ‘bop,’ ‘quock’ and ‘ding’ effects that accompany the limited range of actions. Players who die frequently, as I always did, are treated again and again to an organ synth of the Addams Family theme tune every time they pass on, which I’ve now been conditioned into expecting to hear when I kick the bucket for real.
Despite all the criticism I’ve given, this was actually a very enjoyable platform game, and one which I remember fondly from the Amiga 1200. The enemies and levels are what can be expected from a horror themed game – flying skulls and bats swooping from above, walking trees and werewolves below – but the design of the levels themselves makes gameplay interesting. The majority of the game is very confined, and though hearing Gomez quock as he hits his head on the ceiling can get very repetitive, this invites a degree of strategic thinking, especially in uncovering hidden areas. By contrast, the ‘default’ location outside the mansion is the perfect junction between levels, although not all can be reached from here, and is nicely expansive. Even though they sometimes lack logical sense, the levels are nicely varied, and the game is satisfyingly challenging rather than frustratingly difficult. Experienced players could likely complete the game in a relatively short time, but it takes a while to learn the layout.
Taken on its own merits as a platform game, ‘The Addams Family’ was one of the better realised such releases for the Amiga, and is very similar to its excellent contemporary ‘Yo! Joe’ as well as ‘Superfrog,’ the Amiga’s attempted answer to Sonic and Mario. The attempt to flog this horror-style platformer as an Addams Family game is quite weak, and in fact, I’d rather consider it a stand-alone game about a well manicured vigilante in a purple pinstripe suit exploring a creepy house and emancipating prisoners. Unfortunately, that damn death music has been so drilled into my head that I don’t think such escapism is possible. As a successful attempt to translate the old Addams Family comic strips, sitcom and film to the video game format, this gets one star, and only for not featuring that god-awful rap mix of the theme song that played over the end credits. As one of the most entertaining Amiga platform games, it scores significantly higher. It’s just a shame you couldn’t play as Lurch.
From Agrabah Rooftops
Written on 04.06.07
***
The inevitable 16-bit video game tie-in to Disney's 1993 film really holds no surprises for players familiar with other releases of the time such as 'The Jungle Book,' 'Pinocchio,' 'Ariel: Disney's The Little Mermaid' and later 'The Lion King' and 'Pocahontas,' including anything featuring Mickey Mouse and that bunch. Virgin once again set about translating Disney's feature film fairy tale to Sega MegaDrive format in the form of a platform game starring the story's main character, and adapting (or where necessary, making up) the plot to accommodate eight or nine levels of platform hopping and enemy busting.
In truth, the 'Aladdin' game is among the better of those listed above, and as a high profile, high budget game, it is consequently well designed and clearly well tested. Fans of the film will be thankful that the character designs are very faithful, even if the platform game format requires significant departures from the plot in many ways, including the seemingly endless cloning of the same three or four palace guards throughout. It's bright, colourful and doesn't appear rushed, but this is essentially a short-term money-making attempt by Disney and Virgin that doesn't seek to push video games forward, but is rather content to steal successful ideas from elsewhere. If not for the nice graphics and animation, there would be little to distinguish this from the countless run-of-the-mill platform games produced in the late eighties and early nineties.
The plot of the game roughly follows that of the film, although the major events are explained in-between stages by brief dialogue exchanges. The stages themselves are essentially areas that need to be successful navigated from one end to the other, although the second and third levels require specific items to be found for progress to continue. It's obvious that some aspects of the Disney plot are more suited to this style of game than others, such as Aladdin's introduction thieving from the 'Agrabah Rooftops' or the fast-paced flying carpet escape with the lamp from the 'Cave of Wonders,' while others such as the magic carpet ride with Princess Jasmine are conspicuously absent (the Princess herself only appears briefly in a couple of storyboards between levels). Elsewhere, entirely original sections such as the 'Desert' and 'Inside the Lamp' are introduced to better demonstrate the progress of the plot in game form, and to provide an excuse for some zany genie antics.
One issue with the game is essentially true for most platform games, in that there's an awful lot of repetition. Not only enemies, but recognisable obstacles appear again and again even in seemingly unrelated levels, and it's only really the madness of the 'Inside the Lamp' and 'Escape' levels that provide a vastly different playing experience. The last level in particular is disappointing, as it re-uses objects from multiple levels and assumes players won't notice if they are coloured gold, rather than dark blue. In terms of the gameplay itself, the large Aladdin sprite is more frustrating to control than the smaller heroes of other notable platform games, such as Sonic, Mario or even Superfrog, his wide stance making it very difficult to accurately leap onto falling or retracting platforms in areas where fast movement is essential.
The close focus on the character similarly makes it impossible, in many instances, to know what's coming next, and a common occurrence in the game is the 'leap into the unknown' off to the right of the current screen, which will mostly result in landing on a previously unseen platform, but can sometimes spell death. Thankfully, the generous helpings of extra lives and continues mean that the game can be mastered quite simply through a learning process as stages are repeated again and again. Aside from the basic left-to-right platform elements, the game manages to stay memorable by introducing mini-games, featuring Aladdin's simian sidekick Abu, and a pot luck, fruit machine type round at the end of each level, fuelled by grinning Genie heads the player has collected. A shopkeeper also springs up from time to time, even inexplicably in the depths of the magic lamp, where red gems can be traded for extra lives or continues.
The game is controlled with the MegaDrive joypad, and the controls, which can be changed on the Options screen, can be mastered within mere seconds of gameplay; the C button is the jump button, as with most but not all games of this type, while B will swipe Aladdin's sword in front of him, and A will throw any apples that have been collected. A combination of both these attacks is most successful for traversing the game, and later boss enemies, including the final opponent Jafar, can only be dispatched with fruit, which is generously replenished in these stages. Upon starting the game, the player is overloaded with information in the form of a static screen detailing every power-up and interactive object in the game, including Genie vase restart points and Abu bonus level tokens, but many of these are either obvious, or can be learned after playing a couple of levels. There's really no need to get out a notepad and start scribbling down that a blue heart balloon replenishes health.
The game music is a nice touch, comprised of a mixture of primitive synthesised variations on songs from the Aladdin soundtrack and original, generic pieces that evoke a 'Dungeon' or 'Desert' atmosphere. Particularly memorable are the renditions of the genie song for the 'Inside the Lamp' level, which noticeably lacks the addition of Robin Williams' singing, and themes used for the Agrabah rooftops and marketplace. There is a limited use of voice sampling for Aladdin's triumphs and disasters, and for enemy deaths and taunts, which is executed impressively free of the hissing and muffled distortion that befell many games of the time that attempted to feature human voice ('Altered Beast' remains the most hilarious example of quite poor execution).
As a player with a casual hatred of all that Disney stands for, but simultaneously a casual fan of generic retro video games, and more importantly someone who had the film on video when he was a child, this is probably the best job that could have been done in translating the film across mediums, providing a fairly interesting and compelling game that will satisfy fans of the film, which I never really was. In any case, there's nothing funny about me reviewing 'Aladdin,' it's far from the most embarrassing Disney film tie-in for a twenty-one-year-old to be playing. I never played the 'Little Mermaid' game for instance, and anyone who said I did is lying. [Stealing a Richard Herring catchphrase.]
Advantages: A reasonably faithful, good looking adaptation that could have been a lot worse.
Disadvantages: Awkward to control in places, and endlessly repetitive.
Alien³
Game Over, Man! Game Over
Written on 16.08.07
*
16-bit video game adaptations of contemporary films never made for the most memorable gaming experience, and Probe’s translation of ‘Alien 3’ lives up to the cash-in standards of the time by being largely irrelevant and unfaithful to its source. If anyone really remembers the third Alien film after all this time (the sort of film that creates quite a buzz when first released that soon dies down as audiences realise it really wasn’t that good compared to its predecessors), it once again starred Sigourney Weaver as the sci-fi action heroine Ellen Ripley, facing her third attack of terrifying H.R. Giger-designed extraterrestrial menaces in a run-down prison complex out in the galactic fringes. Using only the limited, outdated technology at their disposal, the prisoners and guards alike attempt to track down the beast with the aid of Ripley’s experience, before it inevitably kills them one by one.
The third Alien film was a disappointment after the excellent first film and the fun second outing, and the game version even more so. Released as usual across all the popular formats of the time – the Sega MegaDrive, Super Nintendo, Commodore Amiga and less advanced equivalents of each system – the game of Alien 3 was clearly designed, like many of these games with a fixed release deadline, with little knowledge or interest about the actual plot of the film, relying instead it seems on promotional trailers and photos to incorporate Ripley’s commando look and the general idea of the setting. Produced, predictably, as a side-scrolling shoot-em-up, the player controls Ripley across a number of industrial and alien terrains with the objective of rescuing captured humans and proceeding to the exit to the next level. Evidently based much more on ‘Aliens’ than Alien 3, Ripley is armed with an assortment of weapons in complete contradiction to the latter film, and the base is plagued with seemingly endless alien menaces rather than the solitary and different-looking adversary of Alien 3.
Of course, this is just a mindless shoot-em-up, and the target audience of children and young teenagers isn’t going to care how faithful it is to the film, but the game still fails to distinguish itself from the overcrowded market of similar products. The gameplay is incredibly repetitive throughout, running from right to left, up and down ladders and ducts and blasting the emerging aliens along the way, and it’s frustratingly hard like most shoot-em-ups to prevent the player from completing it successfully and ending up disappointed. Using the example of the Sega MegaDrive version, the controller’s A button switches between Ripley’s arsenal of a machine gun, flamethrower, shotgun (or maybe some kind of bazooka, I can’t tell), and hand grenades, each accompanied by a reminder of how much ammo is left, additional rounds being scattered liberally around the game area. The B button fires the selected weapon, and the C button performs a jump. The directional buttons perform as expected, moving Ripley left of right accordingly, while the up and down functions prove more useful than in many games by guiding Ripley up and down ladders, aiming her weapon in either direction, activating door opening panels and crouching.
The game screen is quite a jumble of information, most of which is essentially useless. Present as ever is the score counter, pointless unless playing competitively on an arcade machine or against a friend, and the usual counter of lives (automatically set at three, but which can be set anywhere from one to nine on the options menu) and energy, top-ups for the latter being obtained from medipacks. Most frivolous of all is the radar feature in the top right corner of the screen, which registers the presence of nearby aliens or captured humans only when they’re already in sight on the playing screen. This ridiculously limited range makes this feature entirely useless – it was clearly the game designer showing off – especially as any time spent looking at it tentatively will likely get you attacked by the blue dot that suddenly appears once the alien is on top of you. Each level also has a time limit of four minutes which is fair and keeps things moving, and a counter of the number of humans left to ‘rescue,’ which simply entails walking in front of them to make them fall to the floor and vanish.
In terms of the graphics and sound, this is just another among countless games that fails to stand out from the crowd, entrenched firmly in the average range. You can tell the main character is supposed to be Ripley because she has a shaved head, and the aliens are obviously aliens because they look kind of similar, even if the proportions and details are a little off. Otherwise, the backgrounds, objects and collectables might as well have been borrowed from any of the similar games around at the time, and were likely modified very little from the generic templates used by the graphics team. The sound effects are bland, unconvincing and uninteresting, the most distinctive being the simulated shout of ‘ugh!’ whenever Ripley is hurt that couldn’t sound less like Sigourney Weaver’s voice. The music is the usual tedious background electronic stuff that largely goes unnoticed, apart from in the game’s brief opening animation (plagiarised completely from the original 1979 trailer for ‘Alien’), when a menacing thrum is replaced with a ridiculously out-of-place jazzy title theme. Fans of retro video game music will leave disappointed.
Probe’s adaptation of Alien 3 did its job to an entirely mediocre and minimal degree, providing a further piece of merchandise to benefit from the film’s profits. Very rarely were such franchising games worthwhile and enjoyable in their own right, and more often than not, as with this one, they bore very little resemblance to the film they were supposed to be imitating. I’d recommend you avoid playing this no-longer-available video game, which ought to be a very easy task indeed in 2007.
Advantages: SNES version features the above quote in the relevant place (even if it's from the wrong film).
Disadvantages: A very weak, uninspired and irrelevant cash-in.
Amiga in general
A Bit of Fun
Written on 11.10.03
*****
I must stress that this review is not intended to persuade you to go out and buy an Amiga computer, as you might as well save your money. [That's the general disclaimer out of the way.] This is mainly intended for nostalgia purposes, for all those people like me who were brought up on the old computer games and still love to play them.
The Amiga was one of the most successful, and probably the most advanced, home and office computer before the big Windows 3.1 boom, and as such demands respect. Its 'Wordworth' word processor and 'Deluxe Paint' animation and drawing packages were unbeaten at the time, and allowed me to develop creativity very early on. music making programmes such as 'Octamed' allowed my brother to make funny sounding tunes before realising he had no interest in furthering a musical career, and the later models even had limited internet capability. but we don't care about that, let's go on to the games!
The Amiga still resides in my family's kitchen, and is often a very enjoyable alternative to the PC... but only when that's in use. There are very few modern computer games that I find worth my while playing, I'm much more a TV series guy, but the Amiga games still hold appeal. I think the formula must go something like this:
Nostalgia + simplicity + pretty rubbish + someone's using the good computer = fun!
From the platform games such as "Zool" and "Arabian Knights" [Sic] to the detailed adventure games "The Secret of Monkey Island" and "Simon the Sorceror" [Sic] (I still play these on the PC as well) and even to some of the sport games which I usually hate, the good thing about the Amiga 600 and 1200 computers was that copied games were very easy to come by. In fact, goin through the disk boxes it was a chore to find games with official covers that didn't have sticky labels and biro writing on. Oh yeah, I forgot "Golden Axe," fantastic! My dad's Amiga obsession of the late 90s also led to him buying several Amigas for very low prices, along with an unhealthy amount of games. These didn't get played much though, as the nostalgia part of the formula was missing. That Bomberman rip-off where you play as a man's willy got a few plays though, ha ha. [See: 'Bomb'X.']
Don't go and buy an Amiga to use as yuor computer, you'll be lucky if it manages to load your homepage. If you already have one though, or similar old computers such as the Amstrad, Spectrum and Commodore 64s, why not celebrate by pulling up a chair and playing Pacman or something? Some legends will never die, long live Amiga! Except I think it's technically died.
Advantages: More enjoyable games, Very cheap, Also pretty good wordprocessors and paint programs, etc.
Disadvantages: Well, it's not as good as a modern PC is it? 5 stars all the same!
Animaniacs
Only Adequately Zany
Written on 13.08.06
***
Konami’s video game tie-in to Warner Bros’ self-aware cartoon series is as conscious of its fictional status as the show itself, beginning with the characters discussing their relevance to the video game format. Animaniacs is shown to be more than a standard platform game right from the onset, an enjoyable quasi-puzzle game that makes full use of the three playable characters, each possessing different vital abilities ala ‘The Lost Vikings’ or ‘Cyberpunks.’
With their monochrome features and dated attire, Yakko, Wakko and Dot look like rejects from the early days of animation. As the cartoon series explains, that’s precisely what they are; locked for eternity in a water tower on the Warner Studios lot, from which they are prone to escaping. In the opening animation (which, technically speaking, is nothing spectacular), Yakko tells his siblings of his plan to open a hip pop-culture shop, for which they will need famous film props. Cue a variety of game stages based on recognisable films, all ever-so-slightly different to avoid copyright infringement.
The game involves three characters, but can only be played by one player. All three characters move at the same speed and jump to the same, slightly ridiculous height, but each is capable of at least one distinctive special move that is essential to progress through the game. The tallest, Yakko is able to move wooden crates when encountered, providing access to higher areas or preventing death over pits. He can also bop enemies with his bat-and-ball. Wakko is armed with a huge comedy mallet, which can push switches, break blocks and interact with large obstacles, while Dot blows kisses that cause most males to become enamoured and immobile, regardless of their species.
All of these special moves are simple to accomplish, despite some areas requiring precision, such as Wakko’s block-breaking. Once the player gets to grips with the characters’ abilities, and proceeds through enough examples, the solutions to each ‘puzzle’ become immediately apparent. The rather sexist nature of Dot’s value, merely as someone to kiss and distract men, is fitting to the era that ‘Animaniacs’ seeks to parody, but it’s debatable whether this was an intentional decision by the game’s designers…
After a brief practice stage escaping the water tower, which features several of the game’s many irrelevant cameos by other characters from the cartoon series, the player is given the option to select the desired stage. Each of the stages is of relatively equal difficulty depending on the player’s abilities (I always found stage 2 the hardest, but my brother disagreed), and divided into a number of sub-stages. If the characters die, either by losing all their health or falling to their doom, gameplay restarts at the start of the sub-stage rather than the beginning of the entire level.
The Sega MegaDrive game utilises the A, B and C buttons of the joypad, but almost completely neglects the ‘up’ and ‘down’ parts of the directional pad, which are only useful when making selections. Left and right move the characters in either direction, and progress through each stage always moves from left to right. The basic controls are set as A for action, B for jump and C for change, but these can be switched on the options screen, as can the game’s language.
The four respective stages are ‘The Adventures of Dirk Rugged VII’ (based on an Indiana Jones-type character), ‘Space Wars’ (you know that one), ‘Swing ’em Low, Hang ’em High’ (a generic western) and ‘Bloodmask: Part 32,’ intended as a parody the ‘Friday the Thirteenth’ Jason films, but incorporating all the stereotypical elements of classic haunted house horror. Each stage features appropriate enemies, occasionally from the cartoon series itself, such as that fat warden guy who likes to catch the Animaniacs in a net. Despite losing points for originality, as every level is generic and predictable in lampooning a genre, the premise is saved by the ever-present subliminal hints that these are all merely studio sets, complete with lighting rigs visible in places and the occasional camera or clapperboard dotted around the landscape. That’s studio sets with real alligators and real kamikaze spaceships.
As with all 16-bit cartoon adaptations, the graphics are acceptable and believable as they don’t need to strive for realism. It’s disappointing that no actual animation was created for this game’s introductory sequence, which instead only features moving mouths on static character faces and their speech blipping up as different-coloured text, but the in-game movement animations are nice enough, if still a little static. The game lacks a little coherence between the style of the characters taken directly from the TV series, and the random enemy creatures and landscapes created especially for the game, resulting in something of an uncomfortable mix of two styles that could have been avoided with a little more artistic care. The music is fun and enjoyable, despite repeating endlessly as all MegaDrive music did, and several different, appropriate pieces appear within each level and sub-stage. There are no character voices, aside from some strange synthesised squawks when they get hit.
‘Animaniacs’ is fairly difficult, but fortunately the game incorporates a password system. This can be access straight from the title screen, and is based on a 3 x 3 grid of the three main characters’ faces. Each time a level is complete, a password is given based on the levels accomplished so far, and the player’s remaining lives. This means that constant repeated play-throughs of the same tedious levels can be avoided, leaving more time to concentrate on those that you either avoid, or have previously found too difficult.
The characters move fairly slowly, and this becomes a little irritating at times, although the majority of the game is spent in enclosed or moving areas so it doesn’t prove much of a problem. The major frustration lies in the specificity of certain puzzle solutions, causing players to wander round in circles again and again in repeated attempts to strike a set of blocks from exactly the right distance. Time is a factor, and unlike most platform games which provide a greater time limit than necessary, it’s a frequent occurrence that every second counts in this game. Thankfully, extra time items can be picked up in most of the offending areas.
A successful adaptation of the show’s spirit, ‘Animaniacs’ would probably not hold up so well if not for the cheap trick of the self-conscious stuff, but I like that. It’s more than a simple left-to-right standard platform game with a cartoon character’s head superimposed, and although the plot is equally pointless, the game’s trickiness leads to very satisfying results once difficult stages are cleared. The game is repetitive after a while, indicating something of a rushed or half-bothered production, and it’s annoying seeing the graphic artists try to squeeze in as many meaningless and distracting characters from the TV series as possible, rather than incorporating them properly into the gameplay in place of the arbitrary obstacles (Pinky and The Brain do nothing more than scurry across the bottom of the game screen in the second level).
The Sega MegaDrive version differs greatly from that made for its rival the Super Nintendo, and disappointingly the Sega version is inferior. The Nintendo game featured similar character tagging, but the three could interact with each other to pass obstacles, the opening water tower scene actually held some relevance, and there was a greater focus on secondary characters. All this is lacking from the Sega version, but as both follow different plots, the Sega levels are at least unique to the format. ‘Animaniacs’ isn’t a great puzzle game, nor a great platform game, nor a flawless cartoon adaptation, but something in-between. At least it’s better than all the Disney ones.
Advantages: Intelligent gameplay.
Disadvantages: Repetitive and limited, and pales in comparison to the SNES edition.
Another World
Beware the Black Beast Bear
Written on 14.08.06
***
Delphine Software were one of the prominent adventure game designers of the early 90s, licensed under Virgin. Released in 1991, 'Another World' operates at its basic level like a simplistic platform game, the player moving left and right through two-dimensional areas and interacting with the environment, but the game requires a greater degree of intelligence, skill and perseverance than the standard platform fare.
Like 'Flashback,' its superior successor, this game is an incredibly tricky puzzle adventure for older players and demands an extreme degree of patience right from the onset. The most accurate label for 'Another World' is 'interactive movie.' A movie that plays the same scene over and over and over and over again until the character finally stops getting zapped. A movie for which the player has no script, unless they have access to a handy walkthrough guide.
The player is almost completely denied free will as each section must be completed in the only way possible before advancing to the next. The only freedom available is to err, and hang around trying to work out what to do before you solve it or get killed, the latter being more likely. This restriction of free will is perhaps most evident in situations where direction of travel appears to be optional, but is always directed by the next puzzle. For example, a lift that needs to be taken down can ascend just as easily- but there won't be anything of value there.
The game received critical acclaim for its unique graphical style at the time, and although it's been usurped by advances in technology, it still looks really good. The style strives for realism, especially in portrayal of human or humanoid characters and beasts. All are proportionally perfect, and movement is smooth and completely believable, based on animations copied verbatim from filmed human activity. The game never attains a lifelike quality due to the nature of the format and the time, and the graphic artists are evidently very much aware of this: all shading consists simply of one light and one dark layer, similar to an animé style, and as such all areas become rather messy, wobbly blobs. The game features a lot of cut scenes that integrate perfectly into the action by using precisely the same graphics, but from a more cinematic angle than the standard sideways presentation of the playing field.
Gameplay itself is where 'Another World' really lets itself down, and this is a big disappointment. Controls are fiddly despite being carried out through a digital joypad, and precision is constantly needed. Any time the player is struck by an enemy or encounters something else fatal, a bed of spikes for example, death is instant and the level restarts. Each level is relatively small at only a few screens in length, but there are usually several tricky, life-endangering tasks to be accomplished before progress can be made to the next. In total there are roughly seven or eight major areas, each split into a number of screens.
A deliberate choice has been made not to clutter the game screen with pointless details, and as such there is an uncharacteristic lack of any information on the screen whatsoever: no score, no inventory and no live count (the game provides infinite lives at least). This increases the cinematic quality and serves to involve the player further in the adventure, as they don’t get distracted by numerals. There is minimal emphasis on sound also, as events are communicated in actions and images rather than speech (or text), although there is a written introduction that accompanies the opening animation if the title screen is left untouched for a while. The music isn't particularly notable at any point, and the game works better in the many silent areas; you can easily play the game with a CD on in the background, though it's sometimes useful to hear whether you’ve erected force-fields successfully if your vision of them is blocked.
The plot itself is fairly interesting, and enjoyable to work through if you have the skill and patience. A red-headed professor is sent literally to another world after his particle accelerator is struck by lightning, and after surviving a few scrapes with native creatures, he is captured by humanoid aliens. The brilliantly smooth animated opening invites interpretation: was the scientist reckless? Was he trying to play God, and was the lightning strike and terrestrial exile his humbling punishment? You control the jailbreak, led by your new alien comrade, and try to find a way out of the city and into freedom. The story works consistently as the game progresses, and the ending is quite nice and not the norm for this kind of adventure. As usual in these silent games, it's actually quite easy to be drawn to certain characters despite their simplicity and lack of any real development, and I'm a big fan of the helpful, bulky alien buddy.
'Another World' is still available for emulators of the Amiga and Sega MegaDrive, and has reportedly been re-released for GameBoy Advance. The 32-bit home computer versions boast greatly superior graphics to the 16-bit console, but everything else is identical. My version is for the MegaDrive, and is controlled with the standard directional pad, and B and C buttons (A performs the same functions as B). The player can walk or run through areas, take running leaps or more measured standing jumps, and is able to fire and recharge his trusty, multi-purpose weapon after its initial equip.
The game is too frustrating to be considered a true classic, although it was doubtless influential in moving movie-style games on from 'Dragon's Lair' and 'Space Ace' in the 80s to the filmed versions that followed. If you don't mind using your brain, and then trying to do precisely what your brain tells you to do even if you die endlessly in the process, you will be able to appreciate the beauty of 'Another World.' If you are a regular human being with average tolerance level, you're best avoiding it and watching a sci-fi adventure film instead. 'Another World' is the likely origin of survival horror, as 'Resident Evil' isn't a million light years away from this, despite being about zombies rather than bald alien thugs. The overall purple and orange colour scheme is very pleasant.
Advantages: Innovative approach to graphics and gameplay.
Disadvantages: Tedious, frustrating, fiddly and far too difficult to be really enjoyable.
Arabian Nights
To Look Fear in the Fez
Written on 13.07.06
***
A couple of years before Disney’s ‘Aladdin’ imposed that corporation’s universal vision of Arabian mythology onto the world’s youth, Krysalis Software attempted something similar, only infinitely less successful and targeting only young Amiga users. ‘Arabian Nights’ is yet another one-player platform game, which was easily among the most popular and over-used formats for early 90s computer games, but succeeds in distinguishing itself as a worthwhile and entertaining use of the player’s time through friendly graphics, nice handling and dabbles in mixing game genres.
An animated opening sequence (easily skipped by pressing the joystick’s fire button) lays down the plot: the player controls Sinbad Jnr., a lowly but skilled gardener who is secretly in love with a Princess. While finishing off an impressive bear-shaped bush, he witnesses the Princess being grabbed and whisked away by an ugly, red flying demon thing, and immediately runs to her rescue. Unfortunately, the palace guards are stupid, and mistakenly believe that Sinbad Jnr. was responsible for their Princess’ disappearance. He is imprisoned in a dungeon, and you must help him escape.
Animated intros were always great features of early video games, and like most from this period, the dialogue is all typed rather than spoken, appearing on title cards between animations in a process reminiscent of silent films. There’s a damsel in distress, and her plucky, young would-be rescuer is out on his own. There’s no point dwelling on some of the stupider points of the plot as this is all just the necessary scene-setting for some simplistic platform fun. Needless to say, Sinbad’s gardening technique never comes in useful in the game, understandable as you are too busy tracking down the Princess to mess around trimming bushes into bear shapes, though Sinbad is quick off the draw with his little cutlass.
The general look of Arabian Nights is instantly reminiscent of the more popular ‘Soccer Kid,’ also released by Krysalis. It’s clear that the same art team was involved, as both Sinbad Jnr. and Soccer Kid have the self-same oversized head, but the backgrounds, setting and enemy / obstacle design are completely different, owing to the differing time periods of both games. Arabian Nights also tends to be a little more claustrophobic in terms of level design, with most areas involving vertical movement as much as sideways, whereas Soccer Kid follows a more standard left-to-right scrolling style. The graphics are colourful but measured, and there’s plenty of variety due to the multiple locations of the game, from the pastel-pink dungeon to a lush forest, sunken galleon and ice palace. The enemies are all nicely detailed with easily discernible facial features, and it’s always obvious as to which objects are background details and which are props or collectables. The game’s sound effects are fairly good, but nothing too impressive, and the music is quite energetic and fast-paced with something of a Middle Eastern flavour.
Primarily a platform game, Arabian Nights is marketed as something of a puzzle game, although the puzzles themselves are nothing too complex, perhaps targeting children of around seven to ten years. Levels commonly feature keys that are needed to progress through locked doors, and some of these are stealthily hidden, necessitating some backwards movement through the stages. A couple of one-off puzzles are perhaps a little intimidating for younger players, but many can be discovered by accident, and these are often repeated throughout levels to allow the player a smug sense of satisfaction at having solved the riddles so early. The prime example is the large pots in the dungeon level that can be entered by pulling the joystick down. The other heavily marketed aspect of the game is actually fairly disappointing, and sees a shift from platform game format to flying carpet frolics between select stages, reminiscent of poorly thought-out racing simulators. These sections are essentially mini-games, but progress through them is essential and the player’s lives can be lost to the numerous obstacles such as flying galleons and parachuting sheep.
The main appeal of Arabian Nights lies in the ease of its controls, a feat that many games of the time sadly failed to achieve. As expected, two-dimensional movement of Sinbad Jnr. is controlled by the joystick’s left and right clicks, with ‘up’ for jump and ‘down’ for duck. The fire button swings the player’s sword, which only has a very limited range but can at least be held down to slice the air indefinitely. The keyboard also comes into play, with the space bar activating the glowing light bulbs that appear above the character’s head when puzzle events occur. This is a fairly small feature of the game, hardly ever coming into play, unlike genuine platform-puzzle games like the excellent ‘Dizzy’ series. Other customary keyboard commands include ‘P’ to pause the game, and ‘Esc’ to exit to the title screen. The game manual comes as standard and may be needed by players who are unsure how to use the inventory, as well as providing copy protection at the start of level two. Software pirates and thieves can play level one though; that’s fine.
Arabian Nights is a nice game to pick up and play, without the burden that comes with many modern video games. Sinbad Jnr’s fez-and-waistcoat appearance and stupid name don’t serve to eradicate Western stereotypes of mythical Arabia, and the damsel-in-distress plot is equally subject to scrutiny, but in terms of gameplay and pleasing graphics this is an above average Amiga game. The afore-mentioned ‘Soccer Kid’ is better in both of these areas, but Arabian Nights has a nice, naïve charm in its attempt to rise above being a mere platform game by introducing an inventory. Thankfully, it works, and the sunken galleon level remains one of my favourite stages from the hundreds of platform games I have on this dumb old computer.
This 16-bit game comes on a single floppy disc, and is playable on Amiga 500, 500+, 600, 1200 and 4000 machines. Alternatively, get an emulator.
Advantages: Nice, colourful graphics and varied level designs, as well as easy and enjoyable to control
Disadvantages: Puzzles are rudimentary, music is repetitive and irritating, genre encourages crap pun titles
Atomic Robo Kid
Written on 16.08.06
***
It’s a fairly bleak premise: an extraterrestrial Earth colony in the 21st century has been bombarded with radiation, and then subsequently attacked by a fleet of robots. The colonists’ only hope is a boy in a sophisticated battle suit, who must traverse hostile terrain and wipe out the intruders. Despite the emphasis on plot, and some other nice tricks that make this game stand out, it’s classifiable as standard R-Type shoot-em-up fare, as the player moves through caverns, avoids laser bullets, collects power-ups and unleashes severe firepower.
Released on the Sega MegaDrive in 1988, Treco’s ‘Atomic Robo-Kid’ is more sophisticated than the average shoot-em-up, and far more playable as a result. Gone is the constantly scrolling screen of ‘R-Type’ and ‘Disposable Hero,’ as it’s now up to the player to confront the action ahead rather than having to withstand its inevitable approach. There’s also unique incorporation of platform game traits, as the character begins the game in a standing rather than jet-propelled floating position, and can return to this pose any time by touching down on floor level. Almost all of the game involves being airborne, but there are some great advantages to wandering around on foot that prove essential as the game progresses.
Each level is designated as an ‘Act,’ and although these proceed consecutively through the game, it soon becomes clear that levels are grouped in fours. Every third stage ends in an encounter with a ridiculously enormous boss enemy, and the fourth stage consist of a more rewarding and evenly weighted face-off with another robot creature similar to the player’s character, and possessing the same abilities. Although incredibly brief, whichever way victory goes, these evenly weighted duels are perhaps the most instantly rewarding parts of the whole game.
Terrain for the regular stages varies, beginning in a customary industrial cyberpunk setting and proceeding to levels with varying degrees of strangeness, such as the inside of a body and a more pleasant rocky desert wasteland. The enemy designs are fairly consistent throughout, and are nothing extraordinary for anyone who’s played this type of shoot-em-up before. There’s an attempt to give Robo-Kid some personality at the end of every fourth stage, as he engages in a brief, typed dialogue with his CPU, using words such as ‘gnarly.’ Rad. This isn’t a puzzle game however, and the plot details they describe – such as ‘find a merchant and make an arms deal’ – have no bearing on your actions, which remain simple and laser-based.
There are a finite number of weapon upgrades that can be collected by the player, all of which accumulate and can be switched by pressing the joypad’s ‘B’ button, unlike similar games such as ‘Zero Wing’ which feature only one weapon at a time, until the next is picked up as replacement. The full arsenal doesn’t take long to accumulate through power-ups left behind intermittently by enemies, especially as these power-ups can be spun round and round by firing at them until they indicate the desired option. A fiery pulse laser replaces the stinking mediocre thing you start gameplay with, and this can be joined by a 3-way white laser, a beam ray with wide area, and a missile that can destroy enemy bullets in flight as well as break through rocks in specific areas. The game ensures that all four are effective in different scenarios, although a lot of it’s down to player preference.
Despite the sarcastic advice of Robo-Kid’s CPU that he’ll do fine as long as he shoots everything, it can be more prudent at times to try to avoid more difficult enemies if there’s a clear escape route. The player won’t actually get damaged by encountering an enemy’s physical form, only their energy weapons. As such, a lot of fun can be had switching to a standing rather than flying mode, and jumping past a load of them to lower ground. When not in flight, the ‘B’ button causes the character to jump rather than switch between weapons, and the ‘A’ and ‘C’ buttons both act as the fire button, which need to be pushed repeatedly and hastily to achieve any kind of real progress.
The original arcade game was 2-player compatible, but this feature is lacking from the home console release. An options screen allows the player to select game difficulty, which for once is automatically set to ‘Easy,’ something that should hopefully offend serious shoot-em-up fans. Changing game difficulty has no effect on the gameplay, merely increasing or decreasing the number of available lives and continue credits. As such, upgrading to the more hardcore options seems pretty pointless.
For a game originally released in 1988, the graphics and sound are nothing too impressive, but are better than less professional releases. Robo-Kid’s movements are animated nicely, and there’s a nice sense of three-dimensional playing due to the background moving at a different speed, a technique that would be perfected in ‘Sonic the Hedgehog.’ It’s a colourful and aesthetically pleasing game, but the colour schemes are always sensibly limited within each level to avoid clashing, and to allow players to concentrate on the action. The music is standard racy 16-bit techno fare, fairly annoying but strangely endearing all the same, and there’s enough variation in sound effects to distinguish between enemy attacks and friendly fire, and the different weapons in your own arsenal. I still wouldn’t recommend playing the game if you’re blind though.
A middle-of-the-road arcade-at-home shoot-em-up, ‘Atomic Robo-Kid’ is notable for its incorporation of (player-controlled) gravity. This is a game it would be fun to be great at, as the ground movement adds a nice extra dimension to play. The game should be equally appealing to children and adults, as the character is fairly cute despite being one step from a Dalek, and the colours prominent but restrained. My main gripe is the lack of a health or energy bar for the player, meaning that each and every shot brings on instant death. This makes the game a lot harder and more frustrating than necessary, and it really does your thumb joints in.
Advantages: Great use of gravity.
Disadvantages: Instant deaths make gameplay frustrating.
Back to the Future Part III
You Didn't Peach Clapa
Written on 14.04.04
*
My father is, and always will be, an Amigan. A dying race of people whose belief in and respect for the Amiga series of computers forever prevents them from entering the 21st century. As a self-professed Amigan, he was understandably hurt when my brother and I asked for a Sega MegaDrive console on which to play some popular games in 1992.
The only factor that seemed to quell his frustration was when he noticed a video game edition of Back to the Future part III at a low price, which would at least allow him to play on the new console.
Unfortunately for this Amigan, that game is terrible.
PREMISE
The Back to the Future series of films (1985-1991) concerned the friendship between a young, evolving man called Marty and an aged, eccentric scientist commonly known as "Doc" as they travelled to different points in the past and future, either by accident or honourable intent. The third and final part of the trilogy saw Marty travelling to the Old West of 1885 with the time-travelling car to rescue the Doc who, it becomes apparent, will be shot in the back unless helped. The majority of the film is tasteful Western shenanigans, and this game takes four events at random and extends them into badly designed levels.
LEVEL 1
A horse chase. With no regard for those who wish to know the film's plot, the player is thrust straight into the action as they control Doc Brown on horseback in an attempt to catch up with his beloved Clara before she plummets off a ravine.
The constantly moving player must duck to avoid crows and shots of a bandit, or jump over crates and pits. Any impact causes Doc to fall off his horse and there are three tries before game over. As well as the obstacles there are green and blue objects to pick up which can speed up or slow down the horse, but these are not essential.
This level is incredibly hard and far too fast, and in my experience playing the game I was only able to complete it by knowing exactly what the order of obstacles was. Most players will get bored with the game before they complete this level, especially after seeing the image of Clara going over the ravine at the end: if you were worrying about my spelling or sanity in the title of this review, the game is so poorly drawn in places that the message "YOU DIDN'T REACH CLARA" at the game over screen reads on a TV as "YOU DIDN'T PEACH CLAPA"- they clearly need to work on their 'R's.
LEVEL 2
At one point in the film, Marty demonstrates his 'Wild Gunman' expertise once again by shooting all the wooden ducks at a shooting gallery. The game foolishly decides to turn this into a level, in which the player must move their slow and tedious cursor over ducks and bandits, shooting them but avoiding civilians. Incredibly dull stuff.
LEVEL 3
Few players ever made it this far, and even fewer have played this level and enjoyed it. Pie throwing: sound familiar to the last level? Essentially, the player controls Marty as he throws pies in the faces of Buford "Mad Dog" Tannen's cronies.
LEVEL 4
The fourth and final level seems at last to be the start of the proper game, but in premise is identical to the first level, but on foot and not scrolling. The player controls Marty McFly as he jumps along the train and collects the seven special logs (I'm sure it was just three in the film. Well I could be mistaken. No, I am not) to shove in the furnace. This is all done under a seemingly impossible time limit and to add insult to tedium, enemies appear once again that can be taken out with, that's right, pie trays.
CONTROLS
This game is designed for use on the MegaDrive's joypad as it uses the directional buttons (up, down, left, right) and the three action buttons (A, B and C) to carry out different moves. The shooting levels are contolled by pressing any action button to fire. Despite being simple to use, these controls leave the player pressing buttons frantically and angrily, and will likely cause more controller malfunctions through a bad temper than other games.
VERDICT
This is the definition of a cash-in game, clearly brought out in a hurry to meet the film's release date and with absolutely nothing to add to the player's grasp of video game technology. The levels are boring, incredibly tedious and poorly designed, and it would be easy to leave this cartridge sitting at the bottom of a toy box to be eternally crushed by assorted, dusty Batmobiles. The Back to the Future series was very funny, exciting and original, but these games add nothing to the BTTF experience. Sorry Dad.
Advantages: None that I can see - fans of the films will be disappointed
Disadvantages: Boring, Unoriginal, Badly designed
Blockout
Another Brick in the Wall
Written on 17.08.06
***
“How shall I fill the final places? How should I complete the wall?”
Roger Waters, ‘Empty Spaces’ [I was going through my Pink Floyd phase]
When California Dreams had the bright idea of making Tetris with a Z-axis, they were probably convinced that their creation would make them gods of the video game realm. Instead, it’s remembered by most as quite an enjoyable Tetris clone that provided a bit of fun, but was too difficult to make any real progress. To me, ‘Block Out’ is yet another frustrating and addictive puzzle game to help waste my life away.
Released on Sega MegaDrive under license from Electronic Arts in 1991, ‘Block Out’ is easy to get to grips with, but fiendishly difficult to master. Unlike many games where extreme difficulty was merely a way to compensate for lack of originality, this three-dimensional puzzle game could easily spawn an elite group of players, who have mastered the three-dimensional logic. The average player will probably take a while to get past level 3.
The game screen is disorienting at first, until you orientate yourself properly. The player effectively looks down from the top of a Tetris grid, and pieces fall from directly in front of the line of sight to meet the wall at the far end. Gameplay is identical to Tetris: the pieces are constantly moving, and increase in speed as the levels progress. The player needs to position the pieces on screen, which often involves rotating them to fit, and they can then be hurtled towards the far wall to slot in-between the other bricks.
The bricks are mostly the same four-cube ones seen in Tetris, but the game is a little more lenient and introduces a couple of two- and three-cube variants, especially useful for corners. The classic ‘straight line’ brick is replaced here by shorter versions, as a length of four would do some serious damage on this game’s smaller grid. Each brick is initially red, until the player shoves a block out into the Z-axis, where it becomes orange. Each wall can only be destroyed when every square of the grid is filled, which can become frustrating if you accidentally block off a couple of holes with a block in the far foreground.
After orange the colours cycle, logically, through yellow, dark green, light blue, dark blue, purple and then back to red. In the standard game, the foremost ‘game over’ blocks will be light blue. Leaving the title screen alone, a helpful demo begins to demonstrate gameplay. Unfortunately, it does deceive viewers into thinking the game is a lot easier than it really is, as the level count never increases, and the player thus has no problem completing his red walls.
“He’s intelligent, but not experienced. His pattern indicates two-dimensional thinking.”
Spock, Star Trek II
Bricks can be rotated with the joypad’s A, B and C buttons, although it takes a very long time for the controls to become instinctive, and there’s going to be a lot of guess-work and mistakes early on. The C button is the least mind-bending, rotating pieces nice and easily through 360 degrees, but A and B are more complicated, rotating pieces in what would be the X and Y axes… if the game wasn’t seen sideways-on. The best strategy is to build flat, two-dimensional walls for as much of the game as possible, only venturing into the third dimension when a piece doesn’t perfectly fit. In these instances, players should rotate pieces until the furthest block or blocks plug the remaining hole(s), and the back wall will vanish, leaving only the remainder of the final brick.
It’s a fun game and fairly addictive, although the difficulty will eventually dissuade most players from trying again. The game becomes speedy as early as level three, and I’ve never survived past level six. In most cases, it’s clear that a couple of botched blocks in the later levels equate to a point of no return, and the remaining seconds of gameplay can be spent having some destructive fun, sending blocks hurtling towards the furthest wall, which gets closer and closer each time. The game has a score counter, which is only really useful if you wish to compete with someone by taking turns, but unfortunately there’s no ‘next block’ indicator, common to many Tetris-style games, which would prove handy in aiding short-term strategy. As it is, the game is completely down to on-the-spot thinking.
For anyone crazy enough to venture beyond the standard game, ‘Block Out’ boasts some real hardcore options. The ‘3D Mania’ option features three-dimensional bricks – I’ll clarify: that means bricks that can never be placed flat on the back wall. Oh dear – and ‘Out of Control,’ featuring similar blocks to the regular game, but extended variants consisting of up to six cubes. Oh dear oh dear. There’s also an option to build a custom level, choosing the block type and dimensions of the grid. It seems that the game designers were generous with the pre-set level, as it already uses the maximum depth of 12. The standard 5x5x12 level is undoubtedly the most rewarding, as the maximum possibility of 7x7x12 just takes too long.
If you ever compulsively played Tetris and wondered what it would be like to stand at the top and chuck blocks down, ‘Block Out’ may give you some idea. There’s a free online clone at http://www.3dtris.de/ which manages to be even more confusing than the original, but the MegaDrive’s custom joypad makes for a far superior experience.
It would be interesting to encounter any other strange attempts to change the viewpoint of classic video games. I’d suggest ‘Point-of-View PacMan’ and ‘Far Away Frogger.’
Advantages: Interesting and well developed take on Tetris.
Disadvantages: Doesn't convince me of its superiority, especially as it's far too difficult.
Bomb'X
Written on 02.10.07
**
I can picture the scene. Independent game producer Fabrice Decroix is sitting at home playing the arcade classic ‘Bomberman,’ recently released for home computer systems, breaking through blocks and working his way towards the exit in the middle. After completing all fifty levels he feels fairly satisfied, but can’t help thinking, “this game would be much better if Bomberman was a penis, the exit was a woman lying in a bed, and the whole game was tailored around the flimsy contrivance of him getting his end away.” Desperate to patent his idea before all the other eagle-eyed programmers noticed the gaping hole in the market for smutty knock-offs of superior arcade favourites, Decroix unleashed ‘Bomb X’ into the Amiga world in 1993, just in time to satisfy those who were getting fairly bored of the really terrible ‘Viz’ game.
‘Bomb X’ is a reasonably straightforward Bomberman clone that relies solely on its sexual premise for sales, though it was only ever released as a budget title. Its four-player option is a definite bonus, as each player controls a differently shaped version of the main character wearing a differently coloured waistcoat, selectable on the title screen. Aside from the default blue player, who I assume represents the male norm, there is a short and podgy character, a thin and withered one, and one with quite lumpy legs – or rather, the two appendages that these characters use for legs. All of them except the thin one wear a form of pink beret, the thin one’s skin being too taut for headwear to reveal itself, and there is no multi-racial option. Gameplay is almost exactly the same as Bomberman, as each player races against each other to destroy brown blocks with their emissions, avoiding or shooting enemies and collecting power-ups along the way. It’s very limited in appeal, but provides an enjoyable cheap laugh for a few minutes, if you’re thirteen years old, and even beyond the gimmicks it’s quite an enjoyable game.
The game lasts for an alleged fifty levels, all of which are pretty much the same; a green background, a blonde woman lying patiently in the centre, with destructible brown blocks, invincible metallic blue blocks, green trap-doors and several roaming enemies who regenerate after death. The enemies are a little abstract, one being a sort of generic germ or virus and the other a chomping set of teeth, about which players can draw their own conclusions. Needless to say, donning the protective rubber ‘shield’ (that’s what we told my little brother it was called, when he was slightly too young to really understand what was going on) protects against these germs for a limited time, though it has the side-effect of the player no longer being able to shoot.
Once the path to the coquettish exit is cleared, the player must seek out the ‘shield’ in order to enter its gates protected, and bounce around in joy for a few seconds before the next level starts all over again. In disappointing contrast to these enemies and the rubber protector, the other collectables take the form of a life-giving heart and a cake, demonstrating a real laziness. Could he really not think of anything else smutty to include instead? Collecting a pair of hotpants allows the player to race around at an increased speed, while the skull is a red herring that causes death, similar to the Robotnik monitors in the Sonic the Hedgehog games and purple mushrooms in Mario. [Insert purple mushroom joke here.]
Although it gets very old very fast, this is an enjoyable, fast-paced game that multiples in enjoyment when playing against other people. The joystick wobbles your willy around the screen and the fire button shoots his magic bullets, an extended press of the button leaving behind the all-important puddles that clear the path to the centre. Probably the best touch is the need to re-fuel every so often, demonstrated by the character becoming dishevelled and less priapic, while the race for the Johnny adds a nicely competitive element to the multiplayer experience. The sound effects are hardly worth mentioning, and could easily be recycled between any number of games, but the graphics are fairly enjoyable and simplistic, too cartoony to be considered truly offensive or explicit (in a ‘Wicked Willie’ style) but detailed enough to discern what’s going on. There is very limited use of animation that keeps the disk space low, merely amounting to the opening animation of a bloke opening his coat to reveal his un-detailed, nude body, and the bouncing around that’s somehow supposed to signify intercourse at the end of each level. The nicest little touch is the character’s dizzy spell after they receive a blow from an enemy (or rather, a chomp), as its head swings in a dazed circle.
‘Bomb X’ was released on a single floppy disk (yes, yes) and was compatible with the Amiga 500, 600 and 1200, but wasn’t hard disk installable (yes, yes, calm down). There is absolutely nothing beyond the flimsy cartoon-sex premise to distinguish this from other Bomberman clones, and in fact the array of power-ups and special features is significantly less than in the original game itself – the phallus can only shoot one blob at a time, for example. It’s amusing at about the most simplistic level possible, but what I actually enjoy about it more is the moral ground it takes in demonstrating the need for protection by forcing the player to wear it before they can have their fun at the end. It’s a bit of a convoluted advertisement for safe sex, and not one I can imagine them introducing into the National Curriculum, but if someone told you they had a Bomberman game where the player controlled a penis who was trying to have sex, you would, wouldn’t you?
Advantages: 4-player fun and very cheap laughs.
Disadvantages: Appeal is about as limited as you would expect.
Boogerman
The Ren & Stimpy Generation: Fart II [See: Earthworm Jim]
**
Despite some nicely smooth graphics, ‘Boogerman’ is nothing more than bog-standard 16-bit left-to-right platform fare, only done a little worse. Published by Interplay under what must have been a fairly large budget, this ‘Pick ’n’ Flick Adventure’ relies entirely on an exaggerated toilet humour premise to appeal to the younger demographic that took so fondly to ‘Ren & Stimpy,’ ‘Toxic Crusaders’ and ‘Earthworm Jim.’
Boogerman is a super-hero who flies around on hot chilli farts and takes out bad guys with an arsenal of bodily functions: he can burp, spit, fart and flick nose goblins. Stop sniggering. Oh wait, you weren’t. I can’t criticise kids for finding the premise entertaining, despite their parents’ best efforts to raise enlightened offspring, as I remember finding the idea quite funny when I first heard about it on its original release. Unfortunately, Boogerman almost literally takes a dump on enthusiastic players with its entirely mediocre gameplay.
As is standard for all simplistic platform games, an elaborate and insignificant premise is set up to explain why the player controls a snot-flicking super-hero in a strange forest that seems to take its nutrients from a sewer. As expected it’s pretty weak; no one lost any sleep there. A ‘Star Wars’ style introductory crawl informs us that environmentally conscious Professor Stinkbaum has devised a method to rid the world of all pollution, by transferring it inter-dimensionally to Dimension X-crement. The subsequent animation shows health inspector Snotty Ragsdale accidentally sneezing on the machine one night while hoovering the lab, resulting in some contraption or other going haywire, and essentially drags him down into its bowels. The plot’s not important, it’s mainly there for the cynics, and for once it doesn’t even dictate the final villain of the game.
The game exploits toilet humour right from the start, featuring a literal pair of toilets on the title screen, one to start the game and one to input a password pictogram. Selecting either of these toilets by pressing the down button causes the depraved hero to spin into its depths. These toilets appear within the game, providing access to subterranean sewer stages underneath the regular levels, while slimy portaloos act like the star-posts in ‘Sonic the Hedgehog,’ providing a place from which to restart when the character dies. Levels such as the opening ‘Flatulent Swamps’ are perhaps not as disgusting as they might first sound, due to the cartoon graphics, but pretty much everything is covered in a layer of bright green slime.
Anyone who’s played a platform game before will pick up the controls instantly. Left and right move Boogerman in those directions, generally heading right to proceed through each level, while up and down are handy when climbing dripping vines. The down button is the more useful of the two, providing access to the afore-mentioned toilets, digging in heaps of soil to find items, and also causing Boogerman to duck in a strained position with his rear end very prominent. One of his bodily attacks can only be accomplished in this squat position.
The joypad’s ‘A’ button flicks snot from an exhaustible supply indicated by the nose-picking icon in the top left of the screen, ‘B’ jumps, and ‘C’ unleashes the burp (or, if squatting, the bottom burp). Holding the C button down for longer will release a more extreme fart or burp respectively, which can dispatch more enemies or destroy rock walls, just like in real life. Eating a chilli gives these attacks a longer range, while milk replaces the snot option with more effective saliva. If the player uses up all their snot and burp power, they’ll have to rely on the old method of bouncing on the enemies’ heads until they locate more slime.
Boogerman’s graphics are the only real area in which it impresses, although not to the extent of some of its contemporaries. The artists succeed in capturing the exaggerated cartoon style of shows like ‘Ren & Stimpy,’ ‘The Tick’ and everything on Nickelodeon ever. The main character moves with impressive fluidity, which is especially relevant on the slick landscape, and if you leave him alone for a while he’ll go through several animated procedures, based predictably on snot and farts. The enemy designs are also pretty nice, although they don’t really fit into the toilet humour side of the game, the best ones looking more like rejects from ‘The Real Ghostbusters.’ Overall, ‘Earthworm Jim’ is a far, far more impressive game.
Like EWJ, Boogerman incorporates audio recordings of voice samples, something that was fairly risky in 16-bit consoles as the results were almost invariably distorted and muffled. Picking up items causes the character to praise ‘cool’ or ‘rad,’ and every time a new life begins he announces his would-be catch-phrase, ‘Booger!’ I’ll bet whoever came up with that was crossing his fingers that it would become a popular saying in school playgrounds, but fortunately no-one really noticed. The game’s average sound effects quickly become tiresome, based as they are on slime and flushes. The music is deep and bassy and feels somehow appropriate as the soundtrack to this exploration of the lower bodily functions.
Boogerman has no real value, artistic or entertaining, but was probably snapped up by a small but dedicated minority on its release. Too reliant on the expectation that flicking bogies will make a funny game, it really doesn’t last out. I would have been at least impressed if the designers had provided more incentive to continue playing, by making later scenarios or power-ups increasingly disgusting and even X-rated as the game approaches its conclusion, but there’s not so much as a single wee-wee or number two. Strangely for a game so obsessed with PG-level depravity, there’s a noticeable lack of attention devoted to armpits, and perhaps a tad too much on noses.
Educated comedian Stewart Lee was right when he said that the funniest occurrence in the entire month-long run of the Edinburgh Fringe festival (with all of its avant-garde progressive comedy) would be an old man, by himself, doing a fart in a wood. But would you really base a video game on it?
Advantages: Fluid motion.
Disadvantages: It stinks.
The Chaos Engine
Written on 29.06.06
****
The Bitmap Brothers' 1992 shoot-em-up was a major participant in the evolution of that genre from the simplistic early space games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Galaxians' to the three-dimensional revolution of 'Doom' and 'Quake.' While still firmly entrenched in the second dimension, the playing field viewed from above, the excellent 'The Chaos Engine' is one of my all-time favourite games of the genre.
Set in a post-apocalyptic alternative past at the turn of the twentieth century, the game is much like any other shoot-em-up: the player controls the movement of a heavily armed character around various terrains, pulverising everything that moves and collecting power-ups until, eventually, they come across the over-the-top enemy at the game's climax and make things right again.
The storyline is intriguing, and the steampunk style looks very original as elements of Victorian England merge with futuristic technology. One or two players each control one of the "hard-nailed mercenaries for hire" (in one player mode, the computer controls the second character with impressive cooperative A.I.). These mercenaries must battle across the ravaged English landscape to find the source of all its disarray: the eponymous Chaos Engine, created by a mad scientist before it went haywire and morphed its creator and everything in the vicinity into savage supernatural beasts. This premise is primarily there to excuse a number of excellent and increasingly disturbing enemy designs throughout the game, from prehistoric monsters and rock creatures to huge crawling hands and insects.
The player(s) can choose between six playable characters, all of which boast different strengths. Brigand and Mercenary are middle-of-the-road types balancing out the extreme quick-witted speed of the otherwise vulnerable Gentleman and Scientist and the sluggish, thick-skinned Navvie and Thug. The character art is excellent, and along with the brief biographies ensures that players select their favourite characters based on more than just statistics - who would choose the neanderthal Thug over Navvie's winking bearded face? An unusual difference between this Sega Mega-Drive version and the Amiga version I'm more familiar with is the substitution of the perverse Preacher for the less controversial Scientist; both characters are essentially exactly the same, however the profile art of the Preacher’s dog collar has been tinkered with to resemble the top button of a shirt. The bespectacled and maniacally grinning Mercenary was another of my favourites, although Gentleman's cool, respectable air is also quite enticing.
The gameplay itself is very fun and fast, and avoids many of the common flaws with this type of game. For a start, the levels are completely free-roaming, meaning the players can take things at their own pace and even retreat completely to previously emptied areas in instances of ambush. Once destroyed, enemies (the locations of which are entirely pre-set) remain dead, but there are plenty of nasty surprises that will startle all but the most experienced player. A great aspect of the game is the shop that opens after clearing two areas (each world consists of four areas, and there are four worlds in total). Using the money that can be collected from dispatching enemies, the players can choose how to upgrade the characters' statistics, weapons and special attacks. Unlike other games, there's neither the time nor the funds to fashion a perfect superman character with maxed-out stats, and all decisions must be made carefully, tailored to the player's own strengths and preferences.
There's not much difference between the home computer and console version of this game ported to the Mega-Drive. In this, the directional pad moves the characters around in 2-D as would be expected, and holding the A and C buttons unleashes the players' relentless torrents of firepower. The B button activates the special power, which can be replenished from the shop or by finding objects in the playing field. The player has to activate a number of nodes and other hidden objects for progress to continue in each level before walking through the final portcullis.
This is really a pretty difficult game, and it takes an incredibly long time and a lot of luck to reach the finale. Players are given password codes after each area, tailored specifically to the player's stats and life count. The first forest world is by far the most aesthetically pleasing, with its varied terrain of rocks, foliage and bridged swamps, while the later levels tend to get a bit visually repetitive. 'The Chaos Engine' is still highly playable today, despite the aerial-view format looking a little dated, and can still provide hours of frustration for one or two trigger-happy players.
Advantages: Very enjoyable, Great characters add to the effect, Cheap thrills
Disadvantages: Nothing too original, Frustrating at times
Chuck Rock
Unga Bunga
Written on 07.03.07
**
Not a poorly conceived movie tie-in this time, though like every cartoon and video game dealing with dinosaurs or cavemen since the 1960s, ‘Chuck Rock’ owes an awful lot to the Flintstones. One of the more memorable 16-bit platform games largely for its obese prehistoric protagonist, Chuck Rock is reasonably difficult and fairly enjoyable, and another solid release from the ever-reliable Core Design.
In this game, the player controls the eponymous Chuck Rock, whose special talent lies in – you guessed it – lobbing boulders. Anyone who has ever played a platform game will be familiar with the controls and gameplay, as the player moves Chuck from the extreme left to the extreme right of each short level, jumping between platforms and over obstacles along the way. It really is very mediocre, but as usual, the graphic artists at Core Design load it with enough cute cartoon graphics to make it a fun game to come back to. The stone cars and houses may be lifted entirely from the Flintstones, but the enemies are a lot of fun, if repetitive. This would all be improved in the much better sequel ‘Chuck Rock II: Son of Chuck,’ as everything seems either too far away or too small to be as well defined here. This original also lacks the great parallax scrolling that made the sequel, and many other games of the era such as the Sonic series, look so good and pseudo-three-dimensional. It’s all well defined enough to differentiate collectable objects, enemies and background features. The colour schemes for each level are all really well defined, and it’s a pleasure to watch them change as the game progresses.
Chuck is controlled with a joystick or joypad, depending on the system, with the usual controls of left and right moving in appropriate directions, up for jump and down for duck. The fire button, or B button the Sega Mega Drive, causes Chuck to unleash his primary attack of bashing nasties with his beer gut, while the C button (or down and fire on joysticks) picks up any rock that Chuck stands in front of. With rock in hand, the belly attack is automatically substituted for a rock throw, though rocks can be more carefully dropped in place by holding down. These rocks are the only real element of strategy in the game, as they are vital for crossing deadly areas that would otherwise be too wide for Chuck’s jump ability, impaired even further by gravity if Chuck tries jumping with rock in hand.
It’s important to keep Chuck alive on his quest to rescue his wife (called Ophelia and given a proper exposition in the Amiga version, but merely the token damsel-in-distress in console equivalents). As the relentless barrage of lookalike dinos and evil cavemen inflict their damage, Chuck’s life can be replenished by picking up the very obvious red heart items. As is the case for most games of the time, a score system is still in place despite being largely redundant apart from awarding extra lives at certain junctures, and points can be gained by picking up the other collectable objects – meat. That’s right, from small sausages and chops to more hearty feasts like a pig’s head stuffed with an apple, this is clearly the most inspired aspect of the game. The levels get noticeably harder later on, but even the early stages are littered with enemies and natural traps, many of which are indestructible (such as thorny spiked bushes, bouncing balls of dust and impassable water). Fortunately, a helpful breed of dinos are also present, which occasionally offer transportation services over sea and air.
The game’s music is of predictably lo-fi synthesised quality, and sadly isn’t all it could have been. The sound team went down the prehistoric-techno route, and lacking the pretend electric guitars that made other game themes legendary (‘Golden Axe’ will always be my favourite) there isn’t much that’s memorable here, though the sounds of nature that are attempted – such as wood and stone style percussion – contribute to the camp caveman atmosphere. Even the band seen on the title screen doesn’t play anything impressive. By far the best aspect of the sound effects, all of which are entirely average, comes in the vocal sample provided for Chuck at the opening of each level, where he exclaims “unga bunga!” It’s quite amusing in its poor quality, but lacks the absolute hilarity of something like ‘Altered Beast.’
Had the caveman aesthetic been something new and original, ‘Chuck Rock’ would be a legendary game. In reality, it’s little more than an average platform game appropriating the Flintstones style. Chuck’s main belly attack is a little annoying to pull off, as it only touches enemies who are within gut-bashing distance and on the same level, meaning that anything flying at head height has to be ducked under. The rock technique is quite enjoyable, but occasionally difficult to pull off, and frustratingly imprecise. It would also be funnier if they tried to make Chuck talk more. ‘Son of Chuck’ is much better, improving on the graphics, sound, playability and variety of level design, but for a 1991 game this isn’t too bad.
Advantages: Another pretty platform game from Core Design
Disadvantages: Weaker than the team's other efforts
Chuck Rock 2: Son of Chuck
Written on 24.04.04
***
In the ancient world of the early 1990s (AD), many computer and console video games were inevitably very similar in style. Whether they were sports games, shoot-em-ups, flight sims or just another PacMan clone, the originality of the genre would soon be diluted by a string of fairly mediocre releases. This was especially true for the format known as the platform game; the player would guide a character, usually rendered in 'cute' and colourful graphics to appeal to younger players, through levels of a game in which they would face countless minor enemies, collect things, and defeat the occasional boss. Sound familiar?
The sequel to Core design's Flintstones-inspired 'Chuck Rock' was imaginatively titled 'Chuck Rock 2: Son of Chuck,' and although in many ways it is an enjoyable and good-looking game, there is little to make it stand out ten years down the line.
PREMISE
Aside from the more adult world of roleplaying games, platform titles would be based upon a flimsy and very straightforward story that would explain roughly what the character and the player were striving to accomplish. In this case, a nice series of images introduce the storyline before the game starts.
Chuck Rock, the caveman who rescued his true love Ophelia in the first game, has become an important executive in a company that manufactures primitive automobiles (depressingly similar to the rock-wheeled transport of the famous yet wildly historically inaccurate cartoon series), but suddenly he disappears. It is up to Chuck Junior, for some reason, to traverse the prehistoric landscape and rescue his father from the clutches of Brick Jagger.
Chuck Jnr. was brought to the happy couple by a Stork, indicating that either fertilisation through sexual intercourse had not been invented in them days, or that Core were a little wary about their target age group.
LEVELS & GAMEPLAY
Chuck Junior is controlled by the player as he moves through the different levels. 'Stoneage Suburbs' begin in a very Flintstones way, with irate cavemen attacking and small dinosaurs providing transport, but it is only after the five rounds of this stage that the game becomes a little interesting. A fun level based on the back of a large Diplodocus leads into less token environments, from the primate jungle of 'Monkey Trouble' through 'Trouble in the Tree' and finally an Alpine landscape.
The character of Chuck Jnr. is a little irritating to control as he feels very slow and sluggish, with such a big head and small legs. His "special abilities" consist of jumping a little, and balancing on his club to avoid smaller ground-based obstacles, but the lack of agility makes the character far less impressive and enjoyable than more well-known playable characters in games such as the fast-paced Sonic series on the Sega Megadrive.
CONTROLS
The game is played with a good old Amiga joystick, and even without the game manual it would be easy to guess the moves. Moving the joystick in appropriate directions causes Chuck Jnr. to walk left and right, jump and balance, while the fire button swings his club to hit enemies. Aside from these basic controls there are some variants: pulling the joystick back (or 'down') when next to a tame dinosaur allows the baby to ride it.
The game cannot be controlled by the keyboard, but the 'P' button performs the usual pause function, and accidentally hitting 'Escape' will take you back to the title screen.
GRAPHICS & SOUND
The graphics are the aspect of the game that redeem its unoriginal style, and it is the quirky and colourful cartoon designs of Lee Pullen and Richard Morton that cuased me to keep coming back to this game. The levels are all designed in an interesting cartoon style and there is nothing in the game that requires the player to squint. Very user-friendly and appealing.
Martin Iveson's music compliments the game's upbeat style and never gets irritating, although the same can't be said for the in-game sounds. The moans and wails of the lead character are very irritating (even more incentive not to get hit by the enemies) and the stones you hit with the club really don't sound like they're made of rock as much as a lightweight timber.
VERDICT
The whole Flintstones nature of the game makes it unoriginal and badly-planned, but some of the levels are genuinely enjoyable and relaxing to play through. There is little to set this apart from other platform games of the era released by Core and many other designers, but at the time it was quite a nice game to own. You know, a bit.
Core Design were one of my favourite game developers for the Amiga as I was a big fan of games such as these, although this is noticeable less impressive than some of their other, similarly cartoon efforts such as the complicated puzzlers 'Bubba 'n' Stix' and 'Blob.'
Cliffhanger
Sixteen-Bit Stallone
Written on 13.09.07
**
Another Hollywood action film, another rushed video game tie-in. Just like my last review of a Stallone film cash-in with ‘Demolition Man,’ I have been fortunate enough not to see the film on which the game is based, allowing me to approach this with an unbiased mind. Well, apart from the obvious preconception that almost all 16-bit games based on contemporary films were universally rubbish.
‘Cliffhanger’ isn’t as bad as ‘Demolition Man,’ and in fact resembles the type of games I have enjoyed playing greatly in the past, namely the Streets of Rage and Golden Axe series. Controlling Stallone’s character Gabe, who only resembles the actor as much as early 90s graphics permit, the action is largely based on the side-scrolling beat-em-up format that was ludicrously popular at the time, where the player can move up, down, left and right within the confines of the screen to trash the repetitive bad guys before being permitted to move onto the next wave. ‘Streets of Rage’ is the most obvious influence, the basic punch, kick and jump moves being in place and the bad guys occasionally dropping weapons such as knives that can be picked up and used for a slightly more powerful attack until the weapon becomes damaged. Unlike Streets of Rage, the number of enemy character designs is extremely limited, and the snowy mountain terrain far less enticing and varied than the seedy backstreets and strip clubs of that stupid and violent classic.
The controls for Cliffhanger on the MegaDrive are the usual directional buttons for movement, and A, B and C buttons for punch, kick and jump respectively. Feeling the need to add some variety, pressing A and B together unleashes a powerful spinning kick complete with a flailing rope, a move that costs the player health in executing, while B and C together will allow for a defensive block from mid-range attacks. All the ingredients are there for a game that some players will be brilliant at, while others like me get by through a combination of luck and tediously repetitive jump-kicks. Despite being rushed to release before excitement over the film died down, the gameplay is free from bugs or annoying glitches, most likely as there were enough earlier templates to copy. The most impressive features of the game are the stages that try something new, including a downhill chase by an avalanche that replaces enemies with obstacles that must be jumped over or otherwise navigated, and a frustrating climbing level on a rock face, where you will be shot at and hit again and again without being able to fight back. These effective mini-games aren’t too impressive, but work well to break up the monotony between bosses.
This is an extremely difficult game, and mercifully the title screen offers the option to increase the player’s life count from the default three to five or seven. There’s also the usual ‘continue’ option when lives run out, which for me is usually in rapid succession. Like all games of this type, it’s easy to learn the strategies of the fairly stupid enemies quite quickly, and the best method to dispatch them that can be recycled again and again, but the endless onslaught does become tiring. Using a knife makes the player’s hand attack more powerful, and standard enemies can be dispatched in two hits, their health bar appearing in the top right of the screen when confronted. The enemy intelligence really is quite low, and most only pose a threat if encountered in groups of three or more, especially if they throw a knife from afar. Apart from the main objective of retrieving gold in order to get your friend freed from terrorists, all detailed in the short and basic opening animation that I expect mirrors the early scenes of the film, the game adds a completely redundant points system for defeating enemies that is of no use whatsoever.
In terms of appearance, this game is fairly average for 1993. The snowy ground becomes tiring quite quickly, and it’s amusing to see how perfectly straight and wide all of the mountain paths somehow manage to be, including neatly right angled pits that must be jumped over. The sound effects are the usual unconvincing biffs and screams, but the music manages to prove slightly irritating for being in the higher pitch range, as opposed to the usual basslines that dominate these games. The title screen music sounds structured and accomplished enough that it’s easy to assume it’s a primitive synthesised rendition of the film’s main theme, but the in-game music is less impressive and should really be played on mute, if at all. The game was also released in a more primitive form for the 8-bit NES and Sega Master System, which will only be more irritating and disappointing.
The video game of ‘Cliffhanger’ is easy to pick up and play regardless of the player’s familiarity with the film, as the basic plot is outlined as it goes, and doesn’t really impact on the brainless fist fights that dominate the playing experience. It’s not too violent, there being no blood or real depictions of pain, but also nothing new to offer those who have already played superior examples of the genre, most notably the afore-mentioned ‘Streets of Rage,’ ‘Golden Axe’ and, to a lesser extent but still noteworthy, ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Hyperstone Heist.’ There isn’t an awful lot to this game, but it ought to satisfy the kind of people that enjoy Stallone films in the first place.
Advantages: An enjoyable side-scrolling beat-em-up.
Disadvantages: Gets very dull and very hard very fast.
Dalek Attack
Written on 05.02.2010 [After I finally got a proper job, I only wrote a handful of late period reviews for love rather than money, since there was no way I was ever going to meet the cash-in limit again. So this one's basically just Me.]
**
An early 1990s video game based on Doctor Who, Dalek Attack is one of those arbitrary artefacts - like The Raggydolls and Asda Billy Bear luncheon meat - that has the undeserved accolade of being a core part of my childhood merely through the virtue of being in it and taking up valuable time.
Fortunately not very much, as I couldn't even beat the second level.
It's not that much of a Doctor Who game, or at least it doesn't offer anything that will appeal especially to Doctor Who fans beyond the licensing and use of familiar characters. It's mainly based around doing big jumps and shooting baddies with laser beams, something I can't remember featuring too heavily in classic Doctor Who episodes. Maybe I'm wrong, and there really is an episode in which the Doctor floats through London's sewers in a hovercraft shooting laser beams at giant snake heads and collecting pieces of his own branded logo circa 1975 (I'll be honest; the further I got into that supposedly sarcastic sentence, the more I believed the first level might actually be an authentic adaptation of 'The Serpent of Flengroth' or something).
What I'm saying is that there's probably very little overlap on the Venn diagram of people who like Doctor Who and people who like repetitive, generic platform shoot-em-up games. Who am I kidding, there was never any difference.
Daleks have always provided an effective source of terror. Alright, so they may look like pepper pots and have the voice of Zippy from Rainbow, but their alien appearance means they aren't as time-bound as something like the Cybermen, whose design tried to keep up with the speed of technology and thus changed with pretty much every appearance. Daleks can be pretty terrifying, and unless you really have watched old Dalek episodes so many times that the effect has worn off - or simpler, watched any episode of the new Doctor Who - it's still pretty terrifying the first time you pop through a door and see one on the left side of the screen yelling at itself to exterminate your poor character. The fact that getting shot by a Dalek really, really hurts makes the threat all the greater.
The story's as basic and obvious as it needs to be, to justify inserting the Doctor into Dalek-occupied London of the late twentieth century. I can't really remember it, but I know it has something to do with their creator Davros, who presumably crops up at a later stage than I was ever able to access.
There were a number of video games we had for the Amiga that ended up being most memorable for the quality of their animated intro sequence (Bullfrog's 'Syndicate' springs to mind, mainly because I never worked out how to actually play the damn thing), and while Dalek Attack isn't quite in this league, the sad truth remains that the opening animation is a lot better than the actual game: a melodious synthesised rendition of the iconic Doctor Who theme accompanies a pretty basic visual of a swirling galaxy before a face that's supposed to be Sylvester McCoy's executes the most drawn-out wink I've ever seen, and after the title card appears we're given the brief plot exposition, with a nice backing beat.
Actually, for all its flaws it should be noted that this animation is only slightly worse than what actually passed for the show's opening titles in the 80s, and the synthesised theme only slightly less jarring. What was wrong with the murky tunnel effect of the 70s? That was brilliant.
Probably the best thing about the game, and its only real attentive detail for fans, was that you could choose to play as one of several Doctors, while the second player - if you plugged in a second joystick or, more hilariously and impossibly, a mouse - could play as what I imagine are supposed to be some of the more famous human companions that accompanied the Doctor on his televised voyages. I always played as Tom Baker, who could be known by his trademark scarf. I think another one was supposed to be Patrick Troughton, or at least some short, wrinkly get in a tuxedo, and Sylvester McCoy if you couldn't be bothered to change from the default, or were strange.
The gameplay is easy to pick up, and the same as thousands of other platform-based shoot-em-ups that involve leaping between platforms, going in and out of repetitive rooms, shooting the same sprites again and again and collecting things because they're there and presumably good for you. The worst aspect of the game was its sound effects, which - beyond the aforementioned title song and sampling of "exterminate" - were just terrible. There was a sort of grunt sound for deaths, pitched low when it was robot baddies and pitched high when it was unfortunate humans, and the lack of background music made the whole thing feel sparse and empty, and not in a clever way.
So it's not that much of a Doctor Who game, but I can't hold that against it, as anyone checking out the box - with its cover image of Dalek devastation and necessary Doctor Who logo shrunk to a size more fitting to its loose association with the series - would know what they were letting themselves in for. It wasn't a very good game, but it wasn't terrible. Nothing for you to worry about though, as there's zero percent chance you'll ever come across it or find it influencing your life in a significant way. Makes you wonder what the point of me reviewing it is, really.
Demolition Man
Another Pointless Tie-in
Written on 18.05.07
*
This pointlessly ancient shoot-em-up for one player was published for the Sega MegaDrive in 1995 by the misleadingly named Acclaim, responsible for such mediocre franchise cash-ins as ‘Bart vs. the Space Mutants’ and ‘Terminator 2: The Arcade Game’ (they’re certainly no Konami). The opening credits inform me that this game is based on a film of the same name, a fact you no doubt know already but of which I was in complete blissful ignorance, giving me the opportunity to review the game independent of its cinematic counterpart. Let’s face it, it would only ever prove disappointing in comparison, and these ancient pieces of merchandising are all pretty much the same game with a different title screen anyway.
The title screen boasts a life-like graphic of what I assume to be Sylvester Stallone in profile (I really don’t know this, and I’m aware that I could look it up in three seconds, but I enjoy being ignorant). He is accompanied by the brief description: ‘the 21st century’s most dangerous cop,’ while his opponent is similarly labelled ‘the 21st century’s most ruthless criminal.’ I don’t know who the other guy is, except that his laughing face pops up on the frequently seen Game Over screen and I’ve never seen him in the game itself. Fortunately, the player is spared the tedious and badly executed intro animations that plague many of these games, and these brief synopses are really all the background I need to know.
The title screen contains the usual ‘start’ and ‘options’ selections, as well as a handy ‘actions’ feature that informs the player how to shoot in six different ways, as well as offering some handy advice. The options screen informs that the game is controlled, as expected, by the directional pad of the MegaDrive controller, with the A, B and C buttons enabling the player to throw, shoot and jump respectively. More interestingly, the game difficulty can be alternated between calm, crazed and total demolition, and I wouldn’t be doing this job properly if I didn’t select the enticing final option.
...Alright, maybe this time I’ll select the more modest crazed option.
As expected from the game’s title alone, and my experience with action-film-to-console releases in general, the player’s goal is to proceed from left to the right across a generic cityscape, killing identical adversaries in an endlessly repetitive process. There are some slightly interesting touches, mainly the ability to climb across wires and up walls, and the attempt to replicate human movements (albeit very exaggerated, especially the distance that can be covered by jumping) is quite good. Still, this is nothing that hadn’t been accomplished by earlier and far more memorable games than this latecomer to the console, and doesn’t diversify it enough to make it stand out from the pile of dusty cartridges.
This game is really hard, which is really off-putting but at least leaves open the possibility that something more interesting is looming over the horizon, although it is inevitably not. The enemies are the standard dumb cannon fodder that you get in all games of this type, dying far too easily in comparison to the main character’s life bar, but they manage to shoot often, and with unnerving accuracy. This makes progress difficult, and impossible even as the early stages progress, unless the player masters the special ‘actions’ mentioned earlier. By learning how to duck and shoot, among other techniques, nasty head wounds can be avoided, and the life bar, which isn’t anywhere near as generous as I probably made it sound, can be preserved for longer until a medipack is chanced upon. The player’s standard attack is the unlimited handgun, which takes out most regular enemies in two shots, but grenades can also be collected in groups of five, which cause a nice little flaming mess and cause more damage as a result. The gameplay is fast and fluid, and is mainly hindered by the persistent and repetitive enemies, as well as annoying pieces of scenery that can sometimes be climbed, and other times prove to be background.
The graphics do leave a lot to be desired, and can’t fall back on the excuse that the MegaDrive is a 16-bit system, as there are plenty of better looking games that attempted similarly realistic detail and succeeded, and earlier than 1995 by which point most graphics were being pre-rendered in 3D. The sound is similarly bland and run-of-the-mill, even disappointing me with the main title theme, which I was hoping would be some great piece of synthesised symphonic rubbish like the ‘Terminator’ theme but which I can’t even remember once the title screen fades away. Like many later MegaDrive games, this one tries to impress by incorporating human voice samples very briefly, and the results are really poor. ‘Earthworm Jim’ did it perfectly, and ‘Altered Beast’ did it hilariously badly, but here it just draws attention to the limitations of a console on its last legs, about to be overtaken by Sony’s PlayStation and the Nintendo 64.
If you ever find yourself digging through a red plastic box of old video games in a charity shop and you come across an immaculate edition of ‘Demolition Man’ that appears virtually untouched, get the message, and opt for one of the unboxed, sun-bleached and well-chewed Sonic cartridges instead. The film is probably terrible, but the game is definitely worse.
Advantages: Nostalgic for earlier, similar, superior games.
Disadvantages: Frustratingly difficult, and outdated even on its release.
Diablo
Down in the Dungeons
Written on 24.08.03
*****
Being a hardened veteran of Diablo II, the game that eventually followed this one as you may have guessed, it is difficult to avoid comparisons. Needless to say, the newer Diablo II had more of everything (characters, skills, items, quests, locations) and the online features are far superior, but Diablo doesn't disappoint in being a top quality roleplay sword and sorcery hack-em-up of the highest calibre, especially considering it was brought out in 1996 when they were still bringing pinball games out on the Amiga.
The essential plot of Diablo is that this big, red monster called Diablo (he's sort of the Devil, but he has brothers) has been up to no good, converting local kings and priests to turn to the dark side and so on, and you arrive in the lovely town of Tristram on a cold Friday night to proceed down into the Knightmare-esque labyrinth where Diablo and plenty of less terrifying, but cool, monsters dwell.
The player can choose from three classes, essentially based around strength, dexterity and magic; the Warrior, the Rogue and the Sorceror respectively. My personal favourite choice is the Sorceror, because I like the way he looks and I just usually find magic characters more interesting on games like these, but the game's not more or less difficult for each character. There are instances where monsters can leave through a door one by one and get deftly cleaved into oblivion by a Warrior, trapped skeletons in rooms with windows can be popped off one by one by the Rogue, and occasionally a small room can be opened to reveal it is full to the brim of skeletons, to which the Sorceror can respond with some fire walls. It's all good.
There are many varieties of monster, all of which crop up again and again as necessary, but there's enough variation in types to keep it from getting boring. Often incredibly annoying, when Succubi shoot their incredibly powerful energy at you and those little spitty creatures spit corrosive acid all over you, but the death animations and sound effects of some of these beasts make it all worthwhile. On to my personal favourite feature of the Diablo games:
Quests! Yes, no classic style fantasy game would be complete without your hero having nothing to do aside from kill stuff. The game has numerous quests, many more than can occur in one game so you'll always have some different ones every time you play, and the rewards can be incredible. My favourite quests are ones which are triggered by venturing into a particularly scary new area, with the goal of slaying the dead/malformed occupier and his skeletal horde, such as the Butcher and Lazarus, for anyone familiar with this game. Who am I kidding, I'll only get one reader at 11am on a Sunday. And of course, the final goal: the killing of Diablo. Does he get vanquished? Well it's pretty easy to guess that the game wants to satisfy your Diablo-kill hunger but also leave room for a sequel which he's also in.
As for the online feature, I don't know if this was the first multiplayer online game but it was definitely one of the earliest along with the likes of Starcraft, also made by Blizzard. Online characters need to be made from scratch, you can't simply load up your level 27 Sorceror who's got through the game and now has nothing to do. The only problem is that the variety within the game is lost online, with only four constant quests that can be done. I usually save Diablo II for my online needs, and have Diablo I as an offline game.
For a 1996 game the graphics are very good, but the more limited colour palette is quite obvious throughout. The sound quality is also excellent, and has obviously had some thought put into it to come up with the really pleasant Tristram ballad, while features such as the map, town portals to save on shoe leather and numerous bogstandard, special and ultra-special items make it all the more fun. My only real problem with the game, unfortunately due to playing Diablo II a lot more beforehand, is the lack of freedom for the player. The dungeon levels (16 in all) are large and take a long time to clear (of enemies), but the only possible movement is up and down levels. It just unfortunately feels a little limited. My game also didn't come with the often-talked about manual, apparently a real eye-catcher which would not surprise me considering the high quality of the Diablo II manual, but that's what you get from buying reduced price games with the name of a reduced price games company emblazoned over the top. A really enjoyable game that will last much longer than many of the more modern games.
Advantages: Very fun and very cheap, Pioneered the isometric hack n slash RPG genre, Online ability
Disadvantages: Quite hard sometimes, balanced by the "save and load anywhere" feature, Doesn't stand up against some newer equivalents
Diablo II
Written on 02.08.03
*****
Often seen as the pinnacle of roleplaying, hack 'n slash-em-up, Diablo II was the first game of its type I played, and although I've now been exposed to more complex and potentially involving PC games, this is still the one that I find most fun and enjoyable.
A little bit about the game itself:
In brief, the player can choose from 5 character classes (2 more with the expansion set), and get the characters through 4 acts (again, 5 with the expansion), gaining better equipment and skills all the time. The best thing about the game however, in my opinion, is the huge range of character 'styles' available.
While the huge number of online regulars will generally stick to what has been proven "most nails" or easiest to use, such as using a Barbarian skilled with sword using the Whirlwind attack (sorry for all the jargon, but I'm restricting myself as much as I can!), each character's skills are arranged in skill trees of 10 skills each, all sub-divided. As an example, the Sorceress character's skill trees range through "Fire Skills", Ice and Lightning, and each has its advantages (although don't mention that online or you'll likely receive a lot of illiterate abuse, possibly related to your lineage, although more often than not simply expressed as "f****** noob!") This review is essentially a guide to the online features and experience of Diablo II, told by a true veteran with far too much time on his hands. For more information on the characters, quests, mlocations and all the interesting stuff, I reccomend you look at some other reviews by people that know what they're talking about.
Unlike a lot of games of this type, your character's basically just going to get through the game by killing loads of interesting, and less interesting, monsters, often finding an important item at the end of a long killing haul; it's basically a kill-fest. However, more joy is available in t he rare, unique or set items that can be:
- found in the game, if one is lucky enough,
- traded online, if you can find anyone without all their insanely-protective hacked armours being the only unaffordable currency,
- or bought off eBay, if you're my mate Dan.
Nevertheless, it's the online feature, with a maximum of eight players per game and a friend list that can keep track of your buddies, or enemies if you feel like a bit of abuse, that keeps me playing. Without this ability, I'd not like the game as much. Basically, online games can be classed as:
- playing. Getting your character through the quests and levels, often aided by a high level player in return for a perfect skull, the currency of choice for the player who has everything several times over plus more on another online account,
- duelling. Characters of the same type, usually, battle it out to see who's chosen the best skills. Not as obsolete as one would think in the modern Diablo world of Barbarian clones,
-trading. A load of people standing around, occasionally swapping items, and
-"cowing." The easiest way to gain levels once the game has been completed, for a while anyway, the Secret Cow Level is basically a huge area where giant cows walk around brandishing huge axes and making hilarious, unconvinving "moos"- I read it was the Blizzard team who created the game. Boring as it sounds, a Friday cow session, preferably following a watch of Conan the Barbarian, makes a perfect night. Tried and tested... last summer was great!
In between games, a lot of time will also be spent inevitably in the chat channels, often the centre for trade with phrases like "need 888 offer soj, ps", often the centre for intense philosophical debate, "huge weaving was the guy in matrix and lotr as the elf leader guy", or occasionally just profane abuse "haaaa f****** noobs, they r all gay."
Diablo II is one of the few video games that I play, but the amount of time I've put into it, mainly online, does more than balance that out. With my home computer currently incapacitated, Fridays just aren't the same without a (healthy/unhealthy - delete as appropriate) dose of "cowing." I know it seems like I've taken a lot of stabs at the online community, but it's only the truth- such things can be avoided though. The game offline simply seems a lot less interesting and more lonely once you're used to the online, and a final benefit is that a wiping of one's hard drive does not mean that online characters will be lost! There's always the chance that Blizzard will screw them up though. By the way, this game's usually dead cheap, as it's three years old.
For anyone who's played the game and interested, my favourite character to play is the Necromancer, even though he's not so appreciated. What can I say, I love skeletons and vampires, all the good stuff. Well, not good. I also play paladins a lot, and I've started using sorceresses which is turning out great. The barbarian is fun, but now I've played him I don;t find him as interesting to return to, and the Amazon just isn't for me, even though I like their attitude to tight clothing. Assuming the Diablo II Expansion is available on here for review, expect that to follow shortly, but it won't be pretty...
Advantages: Online ability multiplies that enjoyment to truly addictive, Fantasttically developed game, constantly being updated,
Disadvantages: Not everyone is always happy online, The game can become tedious after a lot of play
There Is Another [Just to confuse franchises]
Written on 23.07.07
****
The inevitable expansion set for Blizzard's Diablo II can usually be found for the same discounted price as the main game itself, which nowadays can be as little as five pounds from major retailers, and it requires an install of the main game to run. Developed, like all expansion sets, to build upon the existing game and add new reasons for experienced players to keep playing, 'Lord of Destruction' succeeds in broadening the horizon as far as it reasonably could, but perhaps responds a little too enthusiastically to misguided criticism of the earlier game in cheapening the overall experience. As this is a review of the expansion set in its entirety, I won't go into the mechanics of the Diablo II game itself, something I will remedy with a future review. In the simplest possible terms, Diablo II is a roleplaying hack-n-slash-em-up viewed in isometric from diagonally above, in which the player controls a pre-set character and evolves them in their own preferred way, entirely through the repeated killing of monsters of varying size, shape and colour across a game map that changes with each new game. There are quests to be completed, with rewards to be gained, and the ultimate purpose it to kill the biggest boss monster at the end of each Act without dying too often.
The most instantly noticeable addition in 'Lord of Destruction' is that of a fifth Act, tagged straight on after what was previously the end of the game, and done so rather clumsily. An icy environment was the obvious choice after the woodland, desert, jungle and hellish Acts of Diablo II, but fortunately the frosty Barbarian Highlands fit nicely into the game's established storyline. The layout follows the same pattern of Acts one to three, rather than the truncated fourth Act, with a safe 'town' location provided as a starting point by the pleasant warrior barracks of Harrogath, filled with the usual merchants and talkative townsfolk, and an extensive map across dangerous terrain, including caves and dungeons, to the ultimate confrontation with the Act boss (Baal in this instance) in its lair. Perhaps due to the greater focus on creating a single Act for the expansion, Act V looks and plays absolutely brilliantly, and it's clear that Blizzard's development team was attentive to feedback on what worked and what didn't in Diablo II, particularly it seems in regard to the unpopular third Act.
The Bloody Foothills, the first hostile area outside Harrogath, is just about the perfect place to combat monster after monster and gain valuable experience points, presented as a narrow mountain path up to the Frigid Highlands that avoids the usual wandering left and right to find enemy encounters by conveniently making 'up' the only option. Fortified weapon towers and doors that must be beaten down to progress are nice touches that now seem lacking in the earlier game, and although both underground and exterior locations follow the same sort of pattern as all the previous Acts – but with snow this time – it helps that they look fantastic, a vast improvement over some of the more tedious and repetitive later Acts in regular Diablo II. The final confrontation with Baal is ultimately a bit of a let-down after all the pomp that went into summoning forth Diablo at the end of Act IV, but it's handled in a different and rather unusual way to avoid being too repetitive, even if it borders on arcade game territory in this final showdown.
The second major addition aside from the fifth Act is the introduction of two new playable character types alongside the original five, in the form of the female Assassin and male Druid. The problem here is that, unlike the icy niche of Act V, the existing characters essentially covered all the bases, expanding on the basic trio of Warrior, Rogue and Sorcerer from the first Diablo game to present the mighty Barbarian, noble Paladin, swift Amazon, sinister Necromancer and wise Sorceress. Skilled in ninja-style combat, setting up traps and fighting hand-to-hand with specialised equipment, the Assassin most resembles the idea of the Amazon, while the Druid, aside from his unique ability to shape-shift into Werewolf or amusing Werebear forms, is more like a watered down mixture of the Necromancer and Sorceress. It's really no fault of Blizzard's that there was no gap left to fill, and these character classes have remained popular among players, but as someone who came to the expansion set a long time after having immersed myself in the larger game, I still have never quite accepted them. Nevertheless, the experience of controlling these new characters, particularly the Assassin with her charged attacks and clones of herself, is just about as different as the earlier characters were from each other, and although the Druid's ability to summon ravens, mammals and vines, and harness elemental magics of fire, ice and wind, are very similar to existing powers of other characters, there really is nothing else like morphing into a huge Werebear form maxed out for maximum longevity and having some friendly banter with Deckard Cain or Charsi.
The rest of the changes made by the expansion set are all designed to compliment existing elements of the game itself, and it's here that my (perhaps snobbish) aversion comes to the fore, just as changes often irk old people. Everything has clearly been designed to improve the game based on players' feedback, and in many ways the game does benefit. The ability to add armour and weaponry to hired computer-controlled mercenaries is a huge benefit that prevents them from being a mere meat shield in later Acts, and the larger size of the player's Private Stash is hugely helpful compared to the miniscule amount of space afforded to store special items and gems in Diablo II. The expansion also adds some more all-important hotkeys for faster access to the characters' skills, and the option to play in the more detailed and distant 800x600 resolution for the first time, which can be helpful in seeing enemies approach from afar. Getting even more technical, the introduction of jewels and runes complicate the socketing system previously based entirely on gems and skulls, while character-specific items – such as shrunken heads that can be used as shields only by Necromancers, that benefit specific Necromancer skills, or wolf heads that Druids can use as helmets – are an intelligent addition the game, particularly in the early stages.
A few of the changes make the game more fiendish, such as the larger physical immunity of monsters in the hardest game setting ('Hell mode'), which prevents melee characters such as the Barbarian from speeding through the game faster than magic-based players, and of course the fifth Act means an extended playing time before each difficulty setting can be completed, but it sadly seems that the majority of changes made by Blizzard were designed simply to make the game easier. Characters can now gain experience points far more easily than in Diablo II, especially noticeable at the higher player levels, and the quantity of unique and 'set' items (too much terminology to go into here) has been doubled from the regular game, the newer items generally being far more ludicrously generous in the benefits they offer. All of these 'improvements' lead me to grumpily un-click the 'Expansion Character' option whenever I create an online character and struggle through like we had to in the olden days, when Diablo was really about Diablo, none of this new-fangled 'Baal' nonsense, and we were content to make do with a smaller stash size and harder monsters. I still have to play off the expansion disc though, as my old Diablo II play disc is too mouldy and old. And no, I don't often play the first Diablo game and think they never should have made a sequel, as Diablo II is miles better. It isn't 1996 any more, granddad.
Aside from my aversions to playing long-term on the expansion, especially in the online community which appears far more concerned with obtaining pointlessly fantastic items rather than having some fun killing brightly-coloured shrieking monsters, 'Lord of Destruction' is still a worthwhile and valuable addition to the Diablo II playing experience when used as an alternative. The fifth Act looks superb and is a lot of fun to play, making it easily the best since the first two Acts, and the quests have been well thought-out. It's also nice to see the Barbarians getting some attention in the storyline and having the opportunity to work alongside their brethren, and my character of choice the Necromancer gets the chance to pit his infernal skills against the villainous Nihlathak in his Halls of the Damned. I haven't even mentioned the musical score for this Act, which is perhaps the finest in the whole game in its epic symphonic majesty, though I'll always have the softest spot for the sitar-strumming of Act I, based on Tristram in the first Diablo game.
Unlike the new character classes which seem very tagged-on, the fifth Act is a full and authentic successor to its predecessors, and the new items and possibilities grant even more life to a game that's still going strong so many years after its release, with news of a third Diablo game in the works. [It eventually came out five years later. Not played it.] Both Diablo II and the 'Lord of Destruction' expansion are fairly old games now, and will play on computers with Windows 95 or NT 4.0 or higher (I've always played on Windows XP), and the expansion requires a maximum of 800MB hard drive space to install the full experience, including the pretty computer-animated sequences before and after the fifth Act. The game is all contained on a single CD which doubles as the play disc and replaces the Diablo II play disc after install, meaning the old timer can be stored away for a few years until you buy a new computer and need to re-install it, only to find that it no longer works. The expansion can be bought for £9.98 on Amazon.co.uk, and it requires the original game which can also be bought for £9.98. Just be warned that this ridiculously enjoyable and uncomplicated RPG may take over a substantial part of your life.
Advantages: Great looking fifth Act, interesting new characters and game alterations.
Disadvantages: Cheapens the previous game in some ways.
Treasure Island Dizzy
Written on 06.09.07
***
The sequel to ‘Dizzy – The Ultimate Cartoon Adventure’ by talented geeks the Oliver Twins was one of the most popular in the series, despite still having a few of the bugs and frustrating features left over from its impossibly hard predecessor. A platform adventure game, the player controls Dizzy – a smiling egg with arms and legs – across a number of screens in the game world, coming across obstacles that can only be conquered by picking up and using the correct item, or skilfully jumping to avoid. As Dizzy cannot destroy the numerous enemies and traps that get in his way across land, sea and sky, the game requires a degree of skill and patience. As Dizzy only has one life, without even the health bar that would be added to all later sequels, the relatively small game will likely never be completed.
The setting of ‘Treasure Island Dizzy’ can be deduced from its title: Dizzy starts the game on a beach by a deadly sea that requires a snorkel to enter, and the only other direction is left. Unfortunately, the jump up to the rock face is slightly too high, meaning Dizzy will have to pick up the empty treasure chest lying around in the sand, move it to the foot of the cliff, and use it as a step. This first, basic puzzle sets the game up nicely, but is perhaps too deceptively simple, as the numerous items that will be found thereafter are often perplexing even in the long-run. Dizzy can only carry three items at any one time, and without the easy inventory system of later games, whichever item he picked up first will be dropped before the others whenever the fire button is pressed. This adds an even greater degree of difficulty to a game that was already overflowing with danger, as carelessly picking up an object while underwater could potentially lead to dropping your invaluable snorkel and floating silently to game over.
The Dizzy games were some of my favourites on the Amiga, and despite the added frustrations that came with this game, its unique layout and attractive setting make it one of the most memorable, particularly compared to the more fantasy- and castle-based games in the series, which became a little repetitive. The game map is a modest size compared to some of the later games, but an awful lot of retreading left and right is required, and it’s likely that most players will never see some of the later screens up in the clouds and over the other side of the ocean. Dizzy’s obstacles include wooden cages in the treehouse village that can fall and capture him – these merely need to be avoided by jumping across the landing area or finding a way over or under it – and huge flying insects that don’t hurt him like the underwater enemies, but instead have quite strange and interesting effects.
As well as solving each of the puzzles as it comes by selecting the correct item to use, or (more likely) having to head back to wherever you left the seemingly pointless item to retrieve it, the player is also required to find every single golden coin scattered throughout the game in order to return home at the end. To make matters even worse, many of these are hidden behind bushes and doorways or in other locations, meaning that players will effectively have to press the joystick’s ‘fire’ button (or the ‘enter’ key as keyboard equivalent) on every suspicious piece of scenery they pass. With this mix of puzzle solving ingenuity and patience-testing, the game can be enjoyed by people of all ages, including young children, who will perhaps learn a thing or two from the solutions posed.
Unusually for an early video game made in the late 80s, one of the best features of ‘Treasure Island Dizzy’ is its soundtrack. Lacking sound effects of any kind, the only noise is the synthesised main theme looping tirelessly, with one of my all-time favourite video game themes (alongside those from ‘Golden Axe,’ obviously). Unlike ‘Spellbound Dizzy,’ the theme doesn’t grate on my nerves over time as it’s based equally in the high and low ranges, and it would sound really excellent in a primitive electric guitar version. The graphics are less impressive, far flatter and less detailed than the later games in the series and lacking in the shading, causing Dizzy to basically resemble a white oval with a crude black outline dotted around him, his facial features also seeming quite crushed into the available space. The terrain is very repetitive also, perhaps a necessity of the space available on the original floppy disc or cassette tape, but in terms of the actual gameplay itself there’s very little to date this. The extreme difficulty is quite unfair, particularly when the player nears the end only to die in an accidental mis-jump due to the difficult controls, but the basic premise of Dizzy games makes them just as enjoyable today as they were originally, if a lot harder to come by.
Many of the staples of the series such as the Yolkfolk, the energy bar, the inventory screen and Dizzy’s hat would only come into place with the next game, ‘Fantasy World Dizzy,’ and I would recommend the games that came after as the most easily playable and satisfying in the series. Nevertheless, ‘Treasure Island Dizzy’ was an important early development that vastly improved over the original and introduced many of the elements, enemy designs and items that Codemasters would continue to rip off in future games of the series. And as I said, that primitive synthesised music is completely great. [Lapsing into Kevin Turvey.]
Advantages: Increased focus on item-based puzzle solving, with less [Fewer] enemies.
Disadvantages: Unfairly and tediously difficult.
Fantasy World Dizzy
Written on 01.11.07
****
The third game in the Dizzy series, the last to be designed by creators the Oliver Twins themselves, fixes the problems of its frustratingly difficult predecessors and fleshes (shells?) out the character’s world and the abilities of the platform adventure game format. This was the first game to introduce Dizzy’s eggy brethren the Yolkfolk, the first to afford multiple lives (rather than the evil, instant game over of ‘Treasure Island Dizzy’), and the first to take place in a typical fantasy setting, complete with trademark Dizzy castles, dragons and ogres – hence the name. It’s also memorable for being the only game in the franchise to depict the in-game character in the safari hat he’s always seen wearing on the boxes.
Although its immediate successors were a little more sleek and attractive, this pivotal title remains one of the most enjoyable and successful of the Dizzy games, and features some truly weird ideas of the like that would never really be seen again once design of the games was handed over fully to Codemasters. The game map is a little larger than ‘Treasure Island Dizzy’ and further exploits travel up and down through castles and tree-house complexes in addition to the game’s usual wanderings to the left and right. The action begins in a castle dungeon where the player must negotiate with the severely ugly guard for their freedom – not as difficult as it sounds, merely requiring handing over the juicy apple already lodging in your inventory. Working your way to the surface is probably the single most treacherous part of the game, with evil rats, spikes and water poised to splatter Dizzy into the amusing (and rather sick) fried egg that he becomes when losing a life, and although it makes the initial playing a little frustrating for newcomers to the game’s style, this treacherous crash course is adequate preparation for what lies outside.
The Yolkfolk are scattered throughout the land, and a word in their shell-likes will reveal in most cases that an item or errand is required in order to send them home. Dizzy’s own progress is achieved through the logical use of items that can be carried around in his inventory or dumped anywhere to save for later once its three compartments are full, and while there’s a certain degree of obvious logic to most dilemmas – tying the snapping gator’s mouth together with the tough rope and putting out fires with jugs of water, for example – some ‘solutions’ are much harder to understand due to the very specific programming of the Oliver Twins, and some areas essentially require a life or two to be lost trying out the possibilities. The most notable example comes with the weird armour-plated rhino dinosaur thing to the left of the castle drawbridge, which has to be lured into a cave by dropping a chop there and leaping to safety before it lunges forward to crush Dizzy. Early scenes feature handy hints as to how to proceed, but the majority of the game is based on trial and significant error, perhaps nowhere more evident than with the four lift control stations operated by the same key, which I still struggle to get my head around fifteen years later.
As with all the Dizzy games, the original simplistic, 8-bit version was released in tandem with a more advanced and full-colour 16-bit version for higher spec computers (we’re talking 1989, remember), and comparing the hi-tech version of this game to that of its slightly crude and plain-looking predecessor, there’s certainly been a step forward. In fact, this is the only game where the Dizzy sprite itself has been significantly redesigned from the usual white, happy-looking oval with red gloves and boots, and the greater amount of detail in his attire and facial features (he even has a nose) require the sprite to be enlarged from is usual size, which is oddly disconcerting, having becoming accustomed the similar Dizzies of the other games, all of which use the same basic template forsaken here. The environment itself can also appear a little unpleasant at times, the orange rocks and bland backdrops tending to merge a little too much with the predominantly brown objects and monsters – or in the case of the grey castle, grey objects and monsters – to the extent that the game sometimes seems lacking in a colour palette, something that’s certainly not the case in the hi-tech release. There are no sound effects as usual, but the whole playing experience is drenched in another immortal Dizzy score, not my personal favourite (that accolade unquestionably belongs to ‘Treasure Island Dizzy’), but certainly one of the most memorable, and the one unapologetically stolen by Allister Brimble for the enjoyable Dizzy rip-off ‘Wibble World Giddy’ four years later. As always, the bubbly, chirpy music won’t be to everyone’s taste and may become severely irritating if playing for long periods at a time, but surely you could just switch your speakers off? Do I have to do everything for you?
‘Fantasy World Dizzy’ is the earliest game in the series to finally achieve a good balance in order to remain playable rather than simply frustrating, although the energy bar wouldn’t be implemented until the following year’s sequels, meaning that one touch from an enemy or sharp object causes Dizzy to splatter everywhere – fortunately he has three lives this time around. Although there’s a relative lack of characters to interact with compared to ‘Magicland Dizzy’ and the rest that came after, this game is packed with some really fun ideas and basically achieves everything the Oliver Twins wanted from the franchise, which became a little more down-to-earth hereafter (or at least, didn’t include anything like the crazy upside-down screens here when Dizzy travels through the Earth’s core to the other side). The game was released on floppy disk and cassette for Amiga, Amstrad, Atari, Spectrum, Commodore 64 and DOS, and in most cases was controlled by a simple one-button joystick or, in its absence, simple keyboard commands. Although there were no major differences between the higher quality formats, the Amiga version was clearly best – what a machine!
The graphics are a little messy and soft, avoiding the brash, cartoonish outlines of its predecessor but lacking a little tangibility in the process, but it’s great to see the mythical creatures (both friend and foe) and introduction of Dizzy’s bland cheerleader girlfriend and the rest of his one-dimensional homeys. As the final, perfected masterwork of the Oliver Twins’ yolky vision before they moved on to other things (mostly poor quality simulators), this is technically the only Dizzy game anyone needs to play, though the ones that followed were all a little better.
A re-make of the lower-spec version can be downloaded from the Dizzy fansite at http://www.yolkfolk.com/site/games.php?game_id=71 [Doesn't work]
Advantages: The Oliver Twins' swan song (swans lay eggs, geddit?) fixes the problems of their first two games.
Disadvantages: Too great a reliance on fatal trial-and-error to solve puzzles.
Magicland Dizzy
Yolkfolk Poached!
Written on 30.08.07
****
The fourth game in the popular budget Dizzy series, ‘Magicland Dizzy’ was the first to be produced by Codemasters without the direct involvement of its original creators the Oliver Twins, although they retained supervision privileges to ensure their egg was being looked after. ‘Magicland Dizzy’ is thus quite similar to its immediate predecessor, ‘Fantasy World Dizzy,’ but with improvements in graphics and more involved, extended gameplay. Once again, Dizzy’s friends and family the Yolkfolk have been transported to a strange, fantastical land by the evil wizard Zaks, and the brave, boxing glove-clad Dizzy sets out to rescue them and return them all home.
This particular game was always one of my favourites, and the first in the Dizzy series to offer a really engrossing and great-looking adventure game, alongside ‘Spellbound Dizzy’ which was produced at the same time by different staff. The screens are all very nicely detailed and realised, from the opening Stonehenge clearing to the vast castle and ice palace interiors, and the treacherous volcano. Like most games in the series (with the exception of the extensive underground complex in ‘Spellbound’), the game primarily involves moving Dizzy to the left or right of each screen to progress to the next, with some important but less prevalent movement up and down, aided by stairs, lifts and cloud hopping. The game is a puzzle adventure, meaning that it plays like a platform game (moving Dizzy with the joystick or keyboard), but progress is made by picking up items and using them in the correct places. There are a number of enemies that need to be avoided, as Dizzy can’t harm them – apart from one instance with the ghosts, which is amusingly inspired by PacMan. The player has three lives and an energy bar that depletes with damage, but some obstacles such as the annoying water will kill instantly.
Targeted mainly at children, there’s still a lot of enjoyment to be had from ‘Magicland’ for all ages, even seventeen years after the game was first released. The graphics are fairly basic, though attractive and fully coloured on the more hi-tech Amiga version, but as a simplistic (yet difficult) puzzle game it isn’t restricted by age in the way that other games would be, intended as a cheap budget release in the first place. The controls are very easy to master, even if some of the obstacles could do with a little rethinking, and unlike some earlier games in the series, the objects and puzzles are relatively abundant and occasionally even multi-purpose. Continuing from the previous game, Dizzy must use some items on the Yolkfolk themselves in order to rescue them from their fiendishly metaphorical predicaments – for example, the hippie Dylan has been transformed into a bush, while cool Denzil has been frozen in a block of ice. The ultimate objective is to rescue Dizzy’s token blonde girlfriend Daisy, who is trapped inside Zaks’ ice palace, but the nature of the game means that, while some degree of freedom is granted, many events need to be set in motion in a fairly linear order to progress.
‘Magicland’ is one of many Dizzy games to feature castles and fields, and the one I view as the most definitive. The fantasy setting is explored better than in the previous game, despite that having ‘Fantasy’ in the title, with a handsome Prince (well, he’s not my type, but that’s what he’s called), a green witch and even a Billy Goat Gruff. The interaction with these characters and others makes for a more interesting Dizzy game than the first couple, where greedy shopkeepers were pretty much the only contacts, and the map has been nicely designed to stay interesting and not too annoying in the inevitable back and forth travels that constitute most of the playing time. This is an annoying feature of Dizzy games, particularly as there are permanent dangers that must be traversed with every journey, but fortunately the majority of the game takes place roughly in the middle of the map, with only sections near to the end occurring in the ice palace to the far left and the volcano (or is it Hell?) to the far right. This brings up my biggest complaint with the game, which is sadly completely intentional: some areas require jumping from such a specific point that even the most experienced player could slip up and lose, just when they were about to finish. This is most noticeable in the screens between the start and the castle, with both a well and a moat to cross, but is even more dangerous when crossing the witch’s lake, particularly as annoying birds swoop down to have a peck at you. They wouldn’t like you doing that to their eggs, so why should Dizzy have to put up with it?
Although I will always have a softer spot for its brother ‘Spellbound Dizzy’ (informally ‘Dizzy 5’), ‘Magicland’ excels in providing a more authentic Dizzy experience, and perhaps even setting the standard. There are no sound effects as usual in these early games, but the music manages to avoid the annoying whistling tone of ‘Spellbound’ in favour of quite a pleasant tune that repeats endlessly but gives me a lot of nostalgia, so that doesn’t present a problem – sadly, it’s not quite up to the excellent early standard set by the ‘Treasure Island Dizzy’ theme. The Dizzy games never looked better than this, despite some cosmetic alterations and side-scrolling introduced to the bigger budget later releases, and the idea of cursing the anthropomorphised Yolkfolk with predicaments that act as metaphors for their personalities is a very nice touch that would be repeated a few times afterwards: gotta love that evil wizard’s sense of humour.
Interestingly, long-dead ‘CU Amiga’ magazine gave away a demo of this game that acted as a prelude, in which players had to complete a brief but entirely unique quest to activate the machine that transported Dizzy into Magicland in the first place. Titled ‘Into Magicland: Dizzy 3½,’ this is a fun addition that can still be found online along with the original game from the Theo’s Grotto fansite at http://www.yolkfolk.com/site/games.php?type=2&rowstart=100 (albeit in the more primitive version). [URL naturally doesn't work after more than a decade, find it yourself.] For the 16-bit version, purchase an Amiga 600 from eBay.
Advantages: Everything that made Dizzy games so enjoyable for all, the best looking yet.
Disadvantages: Retracing steps across dangerous terrain becomes annoying fairly soon.
Spellbound Dizzy
Dizzy's Egg-cellent Adv-egg-ture
Written on 23.08.07
****
As the fifth game in the popular ‘Dizzy’ series, it could be expected that the repetitive format of the games would start to impede enjoyment, but the excellent ‘Spellbound Dizzy’ expands the scope of the platform adventure series and requires even more patience and ingenuity than its predecessors.
The Dizzy games were originally designed by the Oliver Twins for the Commodore, Amiga, Spectrum and other home computer systems of the late 1980s, but by this point in the series their involvement was minimal. Far from causing a downturn in the quality of the games for moving away from their original style, the fresh ideas of the Codemasters team kept each Dizzy sequel distinctive and far more enjoyable than another basic left-to-right game set in a tiny horizontal world would prove, demonstrated by the less successful follow-up ‘Prince of the Yolkfolk’ which attempted such a back-to-basics approach. The size and shape of the game map is the most noticeable difference in Spellbound Dizzy, as the majority of the game takes place underground at various depths, either accessed through the central ‘Windy Shaft’ (I didn’t realise the comic potential as a child) or through undersea travels. Like all Dizzy games, progress also requires that Dizzy take to the skies to access key areas and find items, achieved by bouncing from spinning mushroom springs and between clouds.
Although targeted as an adventure game, the Dizzy series is essentially a platform game that is easy to control and understand, but full of logic puzzles in the form of obstacles, items and characters that need to interact with each other through the liaison of the main character. Dizzy is an egg with a face, boxing glove-clad arms and red boots, and his friends and family have, as usual, been teleported into various sticky situations from which they can’t extract themselves. This time however, it was Dizzy’s unseen spell book meddling that caused them to be trapped in the vast underground cavern, and the wizard Theo can only send them home one by one if Dizzy gives him one of their personal belongings (acquired by finding and talking to each character) along with five of the gold stars scattered liberally (but finitely) throughout the game world.
The rescue of the Yolkfolk may be the main objective, but the game is a continuous battle of puzzle solving, most of which involves Dizzy having to re-trace his steps repeatedly to return with the appropriate item that will solve the dilemma. Action is not entirely linear, and each player will progress differently both at the beginning and even once they learn the game, but many actions need to be set in motion before further ones can be unlocked. The most obvious example is the Windy Shaft, which can only be entered (yes, yes) by carrying a rock to make Dizzy heavier. The more rocks he carries in his maximum capacity of four (two before finding a handy bag), the further he can travel, and the more items and characters he will encounter.
Like all good adventure games, whether point-n-click, text-based or a two-dimensional platform game such as this, the game’s lifespan is extensive, and it takes a very long time to complete even if you know exactly what you’re supposed to be doing. The downside is that the game has no save option (unless you’re using an emulator with a built-in save facility, of course), meaning that my seven-year-old self would have to pause the game whenever I was forced to go anywhere, and switch off the Amiga monitor (so it looks like the computer’s off; I was crafty). This makes the dangerous obstacles posed by the enemies (fish, fire and various flying creatures), as well as the possibility of drowning, a severe risk, as Dizzy only has three lives. Food in the form of fruit and cakes can be eaten if found lying around on the floor, which replenishes Dizzy’s energy bar.
Dizzy’s movements are controlled with a joystick, or the keyboard if you don’t have one, with ‘up’ causing Dizzy to jump vertically, and left and right moving in the respective directions. Diagonal jumping is achieved by pushing in the relevant direction, and the fire button brings up the small inventory, or interacts with any object or character that Dizzy is standing in front of. The fairly low budget game was shipped in a small box on a single floppy disc, and available in two different versions depending on the power of the personal computer, the main difference being in the coloured graphics and sound quality. The music is another drawback of the game, however nostalgic it makes me feel, as like all early Dizzy games the single tune is repeated endlessly throughout the game, which features no sound effects at all to break it up. The only release from the jolly synthesised flute and 80s bassline is the brief death melody when Dizzy loses a life.
By contrast, the graphics (on the superior version at least) are very nice, if a little primitive. The predominant colours of orange rocks and black background become a little repetitive in the underground areas, but there’s enough variety in the form of foliage above ground and underwater areas to keep things from being too samey. Dizzy and the enemies are very clearly defined, and the only area that really suffers is the small images representing the items, as some are difficult to define until picked up, when they receive a brief text description. Character animation is limited, Dizzy’s default pose being a happy face with constantly waving arms, but it all serves to keep the costs down by avoiding unnecessary detail.
Although dated as a video game, Spellbound Dizzy is as playable and enjoyable today as it was in 1990, although much harder to come by. It remains my favourite of all the Dizzy games for its different approach and distinctive look and feel, but essentially plays the same as the rest, even recycling one or two obstacle/solution ideas from its predecessors. It doesn’t look too impressive, and sounds tediously awful, but underneath the surface it’s a timeless game, and children will likely learn a thing or two from its imaginative and practical solutions to problems (examples include using the pepper pot on Willy Whale to make him sneeze a helpful jet of water from his blowhole, and fixing the minecart ride with a hammer and by adding a brakeshoe, to avoid going off the rails). Embedded advertisements for then-new Codemasters releases and references to Jeff Capes keep this firmly embedded in its time, and grant an endearing air of non-professionalism that is completely absent from the perfect programming.
There are a few annoying aspects to gameplay in the form of jumps that can only be made from a very specific point, vital items that can be mistaken for scenery or accidental landings right in front of a deadly crab with no time to escape, but it’s a game I would return to repeatedly to enjoy playing again, despite knowing all the answers and knowing how much of my day it would consume. Some of the classic Dizzy games were made available to download at the Theo’s Grotto website at www.yolkfolk.com, but it looks like they’ve been taken down now due to copyright issues, though the lower quality fan games should still be available. Just find somewhere else to download them illegally instead, or failing that buy an old Amiga from eBay. What a machine!
Advantages: Entertaining puzzle solving fun for all ages.
Disadvantages: Lack of save option adds to the frustration.
Dizzy: Prince of the Yolkfolk
Written on 15.11.07
****
The sixth Dizzy game is a bit of an oddball in the series, the final to be produced in the original budget format before ‘Fantastic Dizzy’ launched a larger, more complex and more expensive style and aimed it at game consoles. Based on exactly the same format as the previous year’s ‘Magicland Dizzy,’ right down to recycling the graphics and some of the ideas, ‘Prince of the Yolkfolk’ primarily acts as a parting gift to fans before the franchise spirals out of control and inevitably falls through its over-ambition.
A great deal of thought was evidently put into this game’s production to make it as appealing as possible to the fans, and it’s easy to assume that much of its design, in particular its layout, was sculpted according to positive feedback and criticism of its predecessors. At the same time there’s really nothing new here that hasn’t been seen time and again in the Dizzy series: items must be picked up, carried around and exchanged or applied to solve problems, and the landscape is littered with dangers in the form of animals, monsters, spikes and water to impede Dizzy’s progress towards rescuing his girlfriend Daisy, who has once again been captured and imprisoned in a tower (this is really getting old now). The Yolkfolk all return with their amusingly stereotypical mannerisms, from hippie Dylan to senile Grand-Dizzy, and as with ‘Magicland’ there are numerous friendly characters to interact with along the way, which keeps the game from feeling lonely and isolated as its immediate precursor ‘Spellbound Dizzy’ tended to.
The most significant change for this game, and the example most cited, is its much smaller size in terms of screens progressing left and right (and occasionally, up and down when steps or cliffs are involved). This seems to have been a deliberate decision to avoid the tedium of wasting shoe leather (or whatever Dizzy’s bright red boots are made from) wandering from one end of the game to the other and most likely dying in the process, as even the furthest extremes of the two opposing castles are easily navigated by jumping through the clouds or taking the more dangerous route along the ground. With this smaller size comes a corresponding shorter lifespan, as this is the Dizzy game it takes the shortest time to complete – this was perhaps part of the reason it was initially released only as a part of a compilation, before receiving the usual budget release from Codemasters some time later. That’s not to say it’s any less enjoyable, and the time that’s saved walking from one area to the next across a dull and repetitive landscape does indeed make for a more entertaining and less annoying playing experience.
It’s easy to see this game as a direct sequel to ‘Magicland,’ and although the direct similarities are at first a little disappointing, this at least ensures that it benefits from the other’s high quality look and design (though personally I prefer the earlier game). The music is chirpy and somehow manages to sound original even this far into the series, and to save on costs and disk space there are once again no sound effects, for the last time ever. The designers are real veterans now and create a more natural, less static landscape that trumps the dull, square maps of the earlier releases and makes strolling through the wilderness areas a real pleasure rather than a chore, and the limited animations given to enemy sprites and interactive characters add a nice cartoon feel to the whole thing, particularly with the delighted, dancing Grim Reaper figure who remains eternally pleased for the lump of gold you provide him with for his services. In this way, ‘Prince of the Yolkfolk’ is perhaps the most advanced and perfected Dizzy game, but that would be to ignore the successes and styles of the older precursors to which it is entirely in debt.
The Dizzy games were the classics of the platform adventure genre, and the opening of this game provides the most elementary crash course in how to go about it. Dizzy is trapped in an underground dungeon behind a locked door, with only a pile of dry leaves, a match and a jug of cold water lying around, all of which can conveniently be picked up and inserted into the noble egg’s three inventory slots. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that these initial objects should be placed in front of the door in the order of leaves, match, water to burn it down and then afford safe passage, but what may seem patronising to veterans works as the perfect training course for newcomers and younger players – that’s right, this game isn’t only for immature twenty-two year-olds with a nostalgia issue. The game is difficult to complete, as are all Dizzy games, but the deaths suffered feel more fair than some of the shock traps of the earlier games, and a degree of patience will see the players through on perhaps their fifth or six attempt (this is a complete guess, and it obviously depends on how much is accomplished each time, and how often the player decides it’s worth risking a casual, rather than strategic jump onto the fast-moving boat – it never is).
‘Dizzy: Prince of the Yolkfolk’ is both a disappointing re-tread of ‘Magicland Dizzy’ and a superior update based on critical and personal feedback, but its position at the end of the line before the series was revamped makes it seem a little superfluous. It’s almost certainly the best Dizzy game for newcomers, with its more logical puzzle solutions, smaller size and reduction of annoying elements, but at the same time it doesn’t really offer anything new to those who have completed the similarly themed ‘Fantasy World Dizzy’ and ‘Magicland Dizzy’ of previous years, so it’s a bit of a shame that a new genre or setting wasn’t played around with, as has been the case with some of the others. The low-tech version (pictured on Dooyoo) has been replicated by the Dizzy fan site at http://www.yolkfolk.com/site/games.php?game_id=70 and is available to download for free, while more attractive and colourful versions were originally released for the Amiga, Atari and Spectrum, amongst other systems.
Advantages: The game Dizzy fans had been waiting for?
Disadvantages: Too similar to 'Magicland Dizzy' to really stand out.
Fast Food
Out to Lunch
Written on 20.09.07
**
The first hints of the successful licensed franchise that the Oliver Twins’ anthropomorphic egg Dizzy would never become came with ‘Fast Food,’ released at the end of 1987. Essentially a quick, cheap and fairly unimpressive PacMan clone designed for a budget sale, the game was completely redesigned several years later to take advantage of the Amiga and Spectrum’s superior abilities, for inclusion on the ‘Dizzy Collection’ compilation of all the early Dizzy games.
Despite the revised moniker (in the style of ‘Star Wars: A New Hope’), this game is completely unrelated to Codemasters’ primary series of Dizzy games, which were excellent and thoughtfully crafted puzzle adventure games released between 1986 and 1992. More of a sentimental tie-in for creators the Oliver Twins, ‘Fast Food’ stars the title character of that series, an egg with a face, boxing glove hands and red boots, and situates him in the role of PacMan. The box art attempts to provide some sort of storyline for this scenario: presumably, the mad chef has noticed that Dizzy is an egg, and is determined to go to great lengths to catch him so he can cook him and feed him to people, rather than going down the street to buy six or more eggs from the corner shop, which would be too convoluted. Perhaps he’s noticed Dizzy’s unusual size and seen it as a long-lasting solution for this egg detritus he seems to keep experiencing? Or is there something about the way Dizzy is running away, wearing clothes and having a face that has awakened the entrepreneur within the chef, and made him realise the potential of exhibiting The Amazing Panting Egg Man in a travelling circus along with the rest of the food around him that he doesn’t seem to notice all has faces anyway? As with most early arcade style games such as this, the plot is irrelevant and merely distracts from the simple enjoyment of the silly game if you try to make any sense of it.
Much like PacMan (well alright, pretty much exactly like PacMan), ‘Fast Food’ involves guiding Dizzy around the angular corridors of a maze, picking up all of the collectable objects and avoiding the monsters. The main difference is that the food Dizzy has to collect is – can you guess from the title? – always in motion, and has to be chased down. Unlike PacMan there is a limited quantity of food, rather than the abundance of pills on every available section of that other game’s mazes, and numerous items can be collected to aid or impede Dizzy’s progress. As I am only familiar with the updated 16-bit version released on the Dizzy collection, rather than the more primitive original release, I should note that the later version expanded the maze to cover more than one screen, as many versions of PacMan do, allowing for greater freedom as well as a greater challenge. The improved graphical abilities of this later version also allow the artists to render a number of different settings, depending on the difficulty level chosen by the player: easy mode is a literal hedge maze, complete with some nice wooden footpaths, bridges and water features, and the monsters evolve from mere squashy face things in the original version to full-bodied colourful ghoulies. Don’t ask me why Dizzy has to chase down and catch the food at such risk to his own eggy life, I have no idea. Just enjoy the game for the brief life span it offers.
The controls of ‘Fast Food’ will be immediately obvious to anyone who has ever played an arcade or home computer game before. Moving the joystick up, down, left or right moves Dizzy in those directions, and like PacMan his direction can only be changed once he hits a wall. The game’s music is the usual lazy and irritating jingly theme of the era, and the whole thing apparently took the Oliver Twins and their cohorts all of two weeks from start to finish. I would never have recommended that people buy this even on its original release, as more traditional PacMan clones are much better and the poorly contrived Dizzy interest is nothing more than a cheap promotional tool: according to Wikipedia, the game was originally designed to publicise Happy Eater restaurants (remember them?), before deals presumably fell flat once the chain realised how mediocre and pointless the game would be. It’s an acceptable addition to Dizzy compilations merely for completeness’ sake, and because several Dizzy games could easily fit onto an Amiga floppy disk, but it’s nothing to write home about. Certainly nothing to write a review about twenty years later; that would be truly stupid.
Advantages: Several minutes of unadulterated arcade fun.
Disadvantages: Boxed away for eternity thereafter.
Kwik Snax
Scramble!
Written on 27.09.07
***
1990 was the busiest year for Dizzy and the Yolkfolk, as Codemasters released two of the finest games in the puzzle adventure series while the Oliver Twins, Dizzy’s original creators who handed its responsibilities over to Codemasters’ own programmers, instead opted to concentrate on a small-scale Dizzy spin-off in the same league as the earlier ‘Fast Food.’ Except much different, as Fast Food was a load of rubbish.
While still based on a top-down maze format, ‘Kwik Snax’ moves on from simple PacMan clone to something more original, inventive and satisfyingly taxing, a memorable puzzle game in the tradition of many great computer puzzle games of the time (including a particularly popular concept that was used by numerous different titles, including ‘Dozer’ and ‘Shove It: The Warehouse Game’) based on the movement of blocks. This time there’s a proper concept and motive for Dizzy to be taking part in the action, illustrated in the 16-bit version of the game with a very nice introduction sequence, as the evil wizard Zaks has once again magicked Dizzy’s friends and family into a strange realm, which Dizzy has to go and sort out because he’s the world’s most heroic egg or whatever.
Like that year’s “proper” Dizzy game ‘Magicland Dizzy,’ each of the Yolkfolk’s governing personality traits has determined their fate; thus the cool Denzil is trapped in an ice world (Dizzy games would continue to use this weak joke in every game released through the series’ remaining lifespan), hippie Dylan is tripping out with some evil flowers, and senile old Grand Dizzy is in a literal cloud-cuckoo land. As usual, Dizzy’s apparent girlfriend Daisy has been awarded the most difficult and hellish area in Zaks’ own palace, either because Zaks knows Dizzy must come to save her or perhaps simply because she has no personality to exploit, being a cheerleader. The player can choose between each of these four levels that increase gradually in difficulty.
‘Kwik Snax’ is an enjoyable game, and was a nice extra feature of Codemasters’ first ‘Dizzy Collection’ released shortly after, snugly fitting onto a floppy disk alongside the inferior ‘Fast Food’ and the great ‘Magicland Dizzy.’ The presence of authentic characters and a genuine puzzle format makes this much more of a true Dizzy game than its rubbish predecessor ever was, and the enhanced graphics of the 16-bit version look really good, the aerial view of Dizzy’s disgruntled features being an amusing sight as he pushes the blocks along. Each stage is very compact and self-contained, but it can be incredibly hard trying to navigate: like PacMan, there are gaps in the maze at the edges of the screen that form a continuous loop, as Dizzy will appear from the bottom of the screen if he exits at the top, and so on. This is also true for the blocks that Dizzy can push, in stacks of one or more depending on how many blocks lie adjacent to each other, and the several scattered enemies that move randomly through available sections of the maze.
Using cunning, the player is expected to manipulate the moveable blocks of scenery to their advantage in freeing up new avenues of exploration and trapping enemies in a corner, their ultimate goal being to reach their eggy comrade in the centre of the screen. I make it sound quite complicated, but it’s actually a lot harder, even though the player is granted a number of health points signified by hearts in each level. Although ‘Kwik Snax’ is, by design, quite a short-lived game, it’s still very commendable for a budget release. The graphics are nice and simple, the music changes with each level and is never too annoying, the title screen in particular featuring a memorable farty bass melody. Similarly, the controls are very easy to understand, being based purely on movements up, down, left and right. It’s quite unlike any other puzzle game I’ve played, so it would be interesting to see an updated or rip-off version released on a free gaming website somewhere, though knowing me I’ll stick to the dusty old Amiga 1200 and its dodgy blue disks. By the way, I have no idea what the game’s name means, other than a badly spelled variation on ‘Fast Food.’
Advantages: A unique and entertaining budget puzzle game.
Disadvantages: Limited in scope, repetitive and extremely hard.
Dr. Robotniks Mean Bean Machine
Written on 14.01.06
*
An example of franchise licensing gone mad and pointless, Dr. Robotnik’s Mean Bean Machine coats a boring puzzle game in a completely unnecessary Sonic the Hedgehog background. There are two possible reasons for its existence: either the creator of this tedious Tetris-style game impressed Sega so much that they added the Sonic frills to help it sell, or Sega were desperate to squeeze as much money as they could out of kids who already owned Sonic games 1, 2 and 3 and the similarly arbitrary Sonic Spinball, and were awaiting the not-so-long-awaited Sonic and Knuckles, and made this up on the spot. Either way, Dr. Robotnik’s Mean Bean Machine is not a game that was ever worth noticing, let alone writing a review on thirteen years later.
DRMBM (which I pronounce dr’m-b’m) was produced by Sega, although like Sonic Spinball not by the talented Sonic Team themselves, for both Sega and Nintendo systems. This decision to sell out part of a popular franchise to their biggest rivals is amusing in the 21st century, as all Sonic games are now produced solely for Nintendo’s GameCube and GameBoy systems. Despite Dooyoo’s categorisation, this game was never released for the Amiga: the site categorises all old game systems under this title, with photos of each respective console determining which is which.
There is a get-out clause that avoids Nintendo having too great a victory, in that the principal characters Sonic and Tails don’t feature at all, and the source for Sonic’s enemy Dr. Robotnik and his ‘badnik’ robot creations is the cartoon series of the time, ‘Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog.’ (You can tell this by Robotnik’s goofy rather than menacing appearance, and the presence of his henchmen created for the cartoon). If anything, this only makes it less appealing as a double cash-in of the original games.
The important thing to realise about DRMBM then, especially for Sonic fans, is that its relation to the other Sonic games is purely by its title, crude animated opening sequence and the look of a couple of robots. That’s it. It’s unclear exactly who the player controls, there may be an unstated hope that this lack of information could lead players into thinking they were controlling Sonic, but it’s some benevolent force trying to beat robots of increasing difficulty.
So your parents have bought the game you wanted, and you insert the cartridge, eager to indulge in another high-speed hedgehog adventure.
The opening sequence does the expected job of attempting to craft a link between the game that is about to start and the reason for the ‘Robotnik’ in the title. Also as expected, it does a very bad job. The Doctor’s first line is: “Witness my evil dream to rid Mobius of music and fun forever!” and it only gets worse from there. Robotnik explains his plan to his bumbling henchmen Grounder and Scratch, flawed chicken robots and travesties of the original game’s enemy designs, and the plan is this: Robotnik’s Mean Bean Machine will turn ‘the fun-loving jolly beans of Beanville’ into robot slaves... but there are so many of them, Robotnik’s badniks are going to have to collect them.
The game screen is split into two equal areas: the player’s on the left, and the opponent’s on the right, whether this is a second player or the computer. Like Tetris, objects (the jolly beans of Beanville) fall slowly from above and have to be arranged so that similar colours go together and disappear (are saved). The opponent is presumably doing the same thing, but their contrived scenario is that grouping colours ‘captures’ the jolly beans. Of Beanville, remember.
It’s all a little unclear and stupid, but leaving the story aside, which isn’t hard to do as it actually plays no part in the game, there is only very limited appeal here. The lack of addictiveness is surprising, considering it’s based on Tetris (I hate you Tetris, you life-stealer), but the controls are so awkward that it becomes frustrating very easily. Leaving the title screen running, a demo begins which is helpful in explaining the few things the player needs to know:
The A, B and C buttons on the MegaDrive pad (that’s red, yellow and blue on Super Nintendo) rotate the jolly beans of Beanville clockwise as they fall. The jolly beans of Beanville are different shapes and arranged in either twos or threes, and gravity acts on any jolly beans of Beanville that are left poking out to the side once they have settled. Pressing down on the pad speeds their descent, as with most games like this.
Progress is made by grouping four or more jolly beans of Beanville, which at least means the player has to use their head a little when arranging them, and the level ends when the jolly beans of Beanville reach the top of one of the screens – game over if it’s yours, or continuation if you’ve beaten the opponent. There is one final addition in the form of ‘refugee beans’ (I’m not making all of this up, honestly) which look like rocks and can’t be destroyed / saved by themselves, and can only be taken away when caught in the removal of surrounding coloured jolly beans. The refugee beans are sent to a player when their opponent does something clever, like remove two sets of coloured jolly beans in one move by using gravity and their brain, and if you’re playing against an adept player, these can stack up quickly and lead to a fasts defeat.
As well as an exercise mode that allows players to practice by themselves, taking as long as they like to get used to the controls and the gameplay without being rushed by a second player, the game is split into ‘scenario mode’ and ‘1p vs. 2p mode.’ The latter is obviously the most enjoyable, and perhaps the only reason to dig this game out for repeated plays, but if a player doesn’t have any friends or siblings, or wants to pretend that they’re playing a real Sonic game with a storyline, they can opt for scenario mode and face badniks in a sequence that starts off quite hard and only gets harder. This mode rewards players with passwords each time they complete a stage, and these simple four symbol codes can be entered whenever the game is loaded.
A final note on the graphics and sound, which aren’t memorable or impressive but serve their purpose. The music isn’t very fitting for a Sonic game, reminding the player that this isn’t one, as it’s less melodic and simplistic, but as it isn’t essential to gameplay, early 90s children could listen to their Right Said Fred or MC Hammer albums or whatever else they had. The sound effects aren’t much better, as even a two-player game against the computer makes no distinction in either volume or tone between the player’s actions and those of their opponent, so sometimes it becomes a flurry of annoying beeps and boops. The characters aren’t required to do much in the way of animation, and probably the most active sequence is Robotnik’s madman jumps in the opening sequence, which are animated in about five basic, slow-paced frames. The beans all look identical apart from their colours, with two eyes staring out of the television screen at the player to elicit sympathy, but as these are the only thing that need to be concentrated on, there’s no real problem here.
‘Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog’ was a poor cartoon that had very little to do with the worlds crafted in the original games (which was continued excellently by Nigel Kitching of the UK’s long-running Sonic the Comic), and as such this is a fairly fitting if ridiculous game adaptation. The story is stupid and patronising, and the game itself pales in comparison to its influences. Every Sonic the Hedgehog collection is complete without it.
Advantages: May be the only two-player game you have
Disadvantages: Tedious, limited and disappointing
Earthworm Jim
The Ren & Stimpy Generation
Written on 09.07.05
****
In the early 90s, exaggerated animated graphics and jokes about snot and bottoms were all that was needed for a successful television or 16-bit video game franchise aimed at the kids. But while the 'Ren & Stimpy' game was frustrating and pointless, and 'Boogerman' was undoubtedly the most unsuccessful attempt at combining toilet humour and platform game to date, 'Earthworm Jim' was a highly entertaining and pleasantly bizarre production that went on to spawn an acceptable cartoon series and some disappointing sequels.
PREMISE
Jim is a worm whose encounter with a bulky space suit led him to pursue adventures in outer space, or something. I don’t know, the cartoon tried explaining it, but all pre-3D games should be allowed a license for accepting what you see without wondering exactly why a worm wants to fly around shooting things and killing a huge termite queen. There are eight different areas to play through, which are different and entertaining enough to justify multiple replays.
Predominantly a platform game, the player controls Jim, or more specifically his super-suit, through a limited number of actions. Running, jumping and shooting enemies are handled pretty much identically to other games, although the suit can also use Jim as a fleshy whip to destroy enemies without using up any of that semi-valuable ammo, or to swing on hooks between platforms. The division of suit and limbless worm control is one of the best features of the game, and Jim is left naked for the player on a few occasions where his ability to jump, crouch and wiggle slowly to the left or right proves how dependent the minibeast community is on radioactive suits falling from space for their use.
STAGES
'NEW JUNK CITY' is a standard platform level to introduce the game, and it works very well. From the secrets such as the toilet Jim can flush himself down to the end of the level and such odd actions as launching a cow by dropping a fridge on a see-saw (which triggers the on-screen message 'Cow Launched' in case the player missed that), this is fun if a little silly and over the top. For example, the end boss armpit-farts and burps constantly, which is a little unnecessary but was lapped up by the 90s kids. Not literally.
The 'ANDY ASTEROIDS' are played between each different planet, and this is essentially a long tunnel (or wormhole or something, I don't know) in which Jim must avoid rocks and reach the end before his nemesis Psycrow. If he fails, a reasonably hard fight will ensue.
'WHAT THE HECK?' features some of the best music of the game, a synthesised rendition of Mussorgsky's 'Night on a Bare Mountain' that switches to a tranquil flute piece, as well as a jolly piano ditty for the Snowman battle, but the level itself is fairly unremarkable. The hellish scenery works well, as do the stereotypical enemies, but the puzzles are a little repetitive and irritating.
'DOWN THE TUBES' and 'TUBE RACE' are my least enjoyable levels, simply because they are so fiddly and frustrating. The platform sections set in an underwater complex inexplicably run by a goldfish, populated by cats and prison to giant cat-eating hamsters are quite fun, but manoeuvring between sections in a fragile glass pod is nowhere near as enjoyable.
'SNOT A PROBLEM' is an interesting level in that it's a competitive bungee duel between Jim and Major Mucus, a large bogie with a face. Three rounds that get progressively harder.
'LEVEL FIVE,' the imaginatively titled fifth stage, is expansive and hard, the scientific laboratory of Professor Monkey-for-a-Head. 'WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS?' is an enjoyable sub-level for those that are interested, and not afraid of the dark, while the mechanical flying chicken thing (I don't know) is a truly fearsome boss.
'FOR PETE'S SAKE' will be the favourite level of those that liked early 90s Comic Relief video game 'Sleepwalker.' Jim must whip and shoot an ignorant purple puppy over and under obstacles and dog-eating plants, lest he release his drooling, worm-eating Mr Hyde side. Satisfying when eventually completed.
'BUTTVILLE' is the final level, and suitably difficult and frustrating. Not as interesting as what has come before, but that is mainly due to the purple and black colour scheme getting a little drab. There is a fun Jim-head-as-a-helicopter opening though.
VERDICT
Earthworm Jim was a successful and fairly high-budget game at the time, featured on 'Gamesmaster' and other long-dead video game programmes, and the effort that went into its graphics, sound and diversity of gameplay is obvious. There is enough substance here to keep players interested for a long time, despite the similarity of many stages: the hook-swinging thing becomes especially tiring after being necessary in five of the seven stages.
A little over the top in the toilet humour sometimes maybe, but that was oddly popular at the time with children and those adults who, despite their age, still watched the shows and made computer games. The Sega MegaDrive version featured an additional level before Buttville, 'Intestinal Distress,' but this was by far the least interesting of the lot and was omitted from the Super Nintendo version, allowing for (for once) a superior version in terms of graphics to be released on that console. Adding a purple lens flare to a level may not seem like much now, but at a time when graphic artists struggled to find a balance between bogies and "hilarious" animals such as cows (ha ha, cows. I get it. Draw another cow on the last level, the kids will love it), such genuine advances were a real godsend.
'Jim' is an outdated game but still has appeal, I wouldn't be surprised if a revised version is brought out for a modern console, ala 'Alfred Chicken,' 'Toejam and Earl' or anything unoriginal released on the Xbox ever. May cause disorder of the digestive system.
Written on 01.04.08 [Not actually written for dooyoo, for money, but instead posted irrelevantly to my paranormal group's website between sincere articles about ghosts and aliens as a cliquey April Fool's "joke." It would probably be slightly better if the sceenshots had survived.]
Introduction
The Book of Exodus is one of the most well-known of all the Old Testament stories, and its tale of Moses leading the Israelites to their freedom is one that continues to enthral audiences everywhere.
There have been many attempts to re-tell this classic story in modern times, most famously in 1956's The Ten Commandments and more recently Disnep's Moses: Prince of Egypt or whatever it was called, but none have succeeded to the extent of this distressingly unknown 1993 video game from Wisdom Tree, Inc., published independently and without fanfare for the then-contemporary Sega MegaDrive/Genesis console. It is very literally a Biblical feast.
Definitively titled Exodus: Journey to the Promised Land, for indeed it is as definitive a version as we're likely to get in our lifetimes, the game combines the classic Bible story with a Dig Dug/Boulderdash style game format and an educational Sunday School attitude, in an unparalleled attempt to bridge those three distinct worlds.
With Exodus, learning the Bible becomes a truly entertaining multimedia experience for "children" of all ages, regardless of religious orientation or any other prejudice. It merely requires that the player has the use of their two hands in order to manipulate the joypad controls (coincidentally consistent with God's disdain for amputees), and some rudimentary grasp of the English language. And an outmoded Sega MegaDrive/Genesis console.
Translation
The player is, naturally, cast in the role of Moses, whom Bible readers will recognise by his blue cloak and staff, and white beard and Patrick Stewart style side tufts of hair on either side of his bald head. For those newcomers who may be playing the game without having read the story before, for whom the relevance of the blue cloak will thus not be immediately apparent, the menu screen informs them that the character is Moses by featuring the character's sprite adjacent to the word "Moses." (They have done this because that's who it is).
The introductory menu then proceeds to explain the identity of the other game sprites, adapted from the generic Boulderdash engine but bearing uncanny similarity to the events of the Exodus story itself. It is tempting to speculate that these sprites were originally conceived with the Biblical context in mind, especially pertinent for the elements that were originally nothing more than bits of sort of rock and stuff that needed to be shifted in order to clear a path, but are now much more appropriately restructured as the "Murmurings of God" and "Doubting God" obstacles requiring Moses' "word" (i.e. W-shaped blasts that spring forth from his staff) in order to be thwarted.
The extent of metaphor in this game is extraordinary and has clearly been given an enormous degree of thought. It is perhaps this overt literariness that has deterred casual players and caused Exodus to remain something of a cult title through the years (not that I am suggesting Christianity is a cult). To reimaginate boulders as breakable "Obstacles to Faith" and provide its logical conclusion with the indestructible "Limitations of Man," the programmers inject an element of pathos not usually found in less intelligently conceived Dig Dug/Bomberman variants.
Foes
One of the issues that may deter religious parents from purchasing this for their children could be the implication of violence (not otherwise found in the morally-infallible Old Testament) as Moses shoots at Pharaoh's Magicians, pink-skinned Taskmasters and Soldiers, resulting in these characters exploding in a flash of light. Of course, being devoted Christians, these parents will then naturally inspect the matter with their usual logical scrutiny and see that, in fact, these characters are being blessed by the "Word of God" (or, if Moses gets a power-up, the more devastating "Authority of God" - nice!) and are renouncing their decision to attack him. Due to the limitations of the format, the only manner in which this process is achievable is to see the enemies vanishing in an explosion of light, but they aren't dead probably.
Gameplay
It is Dig Dug/Boulderdash.
Bible Questions
In a standard video game, the player may rejoice once the level is cleared and objective achieved, but things are not permitted to be that simple here, as Exodus turns momentary triumph into initial disappointment followed by humility and finally excitement as another challenge presents itself.
It is, of course, not enough to be able to clear an area of enemies and Murmurings of God/soil, as any heathen monkey could do that. The real test comes in proving one's Exodus knowledge in a series of five questions at the end of each level, based on the events of the narrative. Correct answers are rewarded with Bibles in a fascinatingly anachronistic turn of events (surely Moses would not possess a completed Bible while the story was still in progress, yet the programmers' achievements elsewhere make me confident that this was a deliberate mistake to test the faith of doubtful players, the same way God put pretend dinosaur bones in the ground to fool scientists into thinking the world was loads older than it is, with extra God magic applied to fool carbon dating equipment).
As you can see from the image, in this instance I only got four of five questions correct which currently places me in the legion of the damned, but I am confident that, as there are only so many Exodus-based questions that a 16-bit cartridge can contain, repeated plays will allow me to learn the answers off by heart through process of elimination, and my soul will be saved (sort of like when Jeffrey Dahmer the Milwaukee Cannibal became Catholic and repented his sins at the last minute prior to execution, and was allowed into heaven with the other good people, provided they didn't forget to apologise at the last minute as well. It is a fair and wise system).
As a further reward, the player is then presented with a technicolour illustration of a relevant Exodus scene, in this case one from near the beginning of the story. I'm guessing that later levels end with an illustration of the next stage in the story, but I wouldn't know really. I got a bit bored at this point, to be honest.
Final Fantasy VII
Cry of the Planet
Written on 10.08.04
*****
Released by Squaresoft in 1996 to overwhelming critical acclaim, Final Fantasy VII (FF7) rapidly became the biggest selling game on Sony’ PlayStation console, and remained in the number one spot as most popular game in consumer surveys right up to the replacement of that console with the PS2. It’s easy to see why FF7 was so popular as, despite some of its graphical limitations and gameplay flaws, it remains unbeaten as the most engrossing and atmospheric console RPG (role-playing game) without having to introduce difficult elements that make some PC equivalents less attractive to the average gamer.
BACKGROUND
Like all good RPGs, the player controls a character who becomes more powerful and able as he becomes more experienced. In FF7, that character is Cloud (the default name and the one which I will use, although there are options to re-name every character as they are introduced). Cloud begins the game with a very brief and mysterious backstory: he used to work for the oppressive mega-corporation Shinra as one of their elite soldiers, but is now working as a mercenary for whoever pays him highest. As we join Cloud, he has joined the rebellious underground movement ‘Avalanche’ in helping them destroy one of Shinra’s pollutive reactors in the capital city of Midgar.
The plot undergoes a number of shifts as locations and motives change, but it is essentially Cloud’s story. As the game progresses, the character’s real background is explored and contradicted, but thankfully his comrades from Avalanche, his childhood and the new places the group travel through help Cloud in his dual quests to discover the truth about himself, and to stop the real threat – the evil Sephiroth – before the planet is doomed.
Characters (don’t worry, I’ll be brief):
Cloud – ex-Soldier and childhood friend of Tifa, Cloud has strange gaps in his memory that can only be sorted out by pursuing his enemy Sephiroth.
Barret – a dead ringer for Mr T (and the guys that write his dialogue seem to realise this), Barret’s missing arm has been replaced with a large weapon. Dedicated to his daughter and the destruction of Shinra, whose pollution is destroying the planet.
Tifa – huge-breasted young woman who also believes in Avalanche’s cause, but who becomes more concerned for Cloud’s sanity and protection.
Aeris – the last of the Ancients, Aeris’ telepathic powers make her a target for Shinra’s experiments. She escapes captivity with Cloud and the others, but her abilities make her the most hunted of them all.
Red XIII – a speaking dog-like animal who hails from Cosmo Canyon (his grandfather is a floating fat man with no legs, so draw your own conclusions). Red XIII, as he is classed by Shinra, has an impressive grasp of fire magic.
Cid Highwind – potty-mouthed, grumpy old man who was never allowed into space by Shinra. Cid comes into the story much later on, but he is dedicated to the overthrow of the corporation and is also an expert pilot.
Cait Sith – pretty silly and not to be trusted, this is a stuffed animal that is remotely controlled by a Shinra operative.
Vincent & Yuffie – these characters are not vital to the story, but can be sought out if desired.
Sephiroth – the deranged menace who is intent on summoning a meteor to destroy the planet.
GAMEPLAY
This game was designed primarily for the PlayStation console and as such utilises all of the joypad buttons in an incredibly user-friendly manner (it is also available on the PC, but is doubtless more difficult to control on that secondary format). Although the player controls Cloud’s movements, there will always be two other characters in your party to fight and explore alongside you, unless the story requires otherwise. The gameplay is split into several different styles, all of which are quite different but manage to integrate seamlessly together:
The Playing Field – the most common form of gameplay that involves moving Cloud (and the other members of your party) around pre-rendered screens within an environment. Entry and exit points to other screens can always be seen, while there are always factors to interact with – items that can be picked up, people that can be talked to, parts of the environment that can be manipulated and enemies that can sneak up on you.
Battle – there are areas of the game where battles will always take place and areas devoid of battles, but most of the time there are random attacks every so often as the player moves around the areas. In the battles the characters cannot be moved (although you can often escape), and the turn-based actions are selected through menus. Needless to say, this being a fantasy game there are a combination of physical and magical attacks that work in varying degrees of effectiveness, but items can also be used to bring back lost players or attack the enemies.
The World Map – once the game is in full swing, there is a level of non-linear decision making that involves traversing the map of the world – a fairly abstract presentation that shouldn’t be taken literally, especially as Cloud is displayed as large as a city, but the freedom and lack of time constraint involved here makes this one of the most enjoyable parts of the game. There are fights everywhere which can be annoying if you’re simply passing between locations, or very useful if you’re hanging around in forested areas with the intention of gaining more fighting experience or other benefits of battles such as finding items. Once different modes of transport (air, land and sea) are discovered, these travel over the same map and are controlled in the same way.
Dialogue – within the playing field there are characters who can be talked to, either automatically or by choice, and responses or new questions can be put forward by selecting from a short list.
Mini-games – rare events, but there are several places in the game where the playing style goes out of the window and Cloud is placed in a completely different situation, mostly for some light relief from the storyline. Chocobo Racing, motorbike chases, submarine attacks and snowboarding all play minor roles in the game but can be replayed in the ‘Gold Saucer’ area, which is basically a large and quite annoying amusement park on the world map.
STYLE, GRAPHICS & SOUND
This game can literally be enjoyed by people of all ages, assuming it is the sort of thing that interests them. Children enjoy the fighting, ‘levelling-up’ and bright colours, more mature people may enjoy the mysterious and ever-changing storyline as well as the ecological and spiritual issues explored, while confused adolescents may enjoy Tifa’s very large and very pixellated bosom. I didn’t though, even if you think you have photos, it will have just been a trick of the light.
The graphics clearly show the Japanese origin of the game through the Manga style of the characters and locations, and although the three-dimensional graphics and characters are quite basic (this was the first Final Fantasy game to be 3D) this doesn’t spoil the enjoyment of the game at all. The backdrops are all rendered beautifully and create a believable and intriguing world, and although this is a contender for most overly colourful game ever made, the enemies and locations do tend to stick to the themes of the setting so as not to seem over-the-top. Amidst other settings there is the usual mix of industrialised city, forest, desert, snow, sea, rocks and strange abstract lifestream environment.
One of the game's graphical strengths comes in the full motion video cut-scenes which permeate the action every so often. Featuring much more life-like presentations of the characters and their surroundings, these make for some long-lasting imagery and provide the extra drama that would be sadly missing if the same events were carried out by the awkward polgons of the characters during gameplay.
The sound effects on the game are fairly bland and unimpressive, but the score by Nobuo Uematsu is one of the definite highlights: using only a limited number of synthesised instruments, Uematsu’s score gives the game and its locations a much clearer identity and, although the music is probably nothing special when listened to separately, it takes me right back to my first play through the game when I was seriously engrossed.
PLAYABILITY
This is where the game is faulted: on my first play through I found the game appropriately challenging as I learned how to get to grips with the magic and other factors, eventually getting so excited when I defeated the final boss on my first attempt that I phoned my friend who had already done it and told him. He wasn’t as bothered, unsurprisingly. The problem is that the game doesn’t offer many alternatives on future play-throughs: there are always more items to find that may have been missed, and a couple of nice touches that can slightly alter the storyline temporarily (having a date with Barret as opposed to Aeris or Tifa is something I’ve only heard about and have never been able to put into practice), but the events are always the same.
It’s not the similarity that’s really the problem, as this game is so engrossing that a replay is always required, but once the player has become completely accustomed to the controls and knows what works best in every situation – something they will have definitely achieved by the time their first game is over – then subsequent replays lack any real challenge whatsoever. Enemies are too weak and die far too soon, and aside from a couple of non-vital enemies that can be fought by choice if you feel the need to prove your own greatness (I buried them), there is a distinct lack of anything challenging. The later FF games sorted this out perfectly, but unfortunately lacked the other qualities that made this game so enjoyable.
VERDICT
This game is getting on a bit now (when did I grow old?) [He's 18], but its popularity means that it can easily be found either second-hand from eBay and video game retailers, or occasionally brand new and for a much lower price than it would have originally held. Being a PlayStation game it will also work on PS2 consoles so there’s no need to dig out the old machine or buy one from a young cousin for ten quid and some pornography, and I would recommend this game to anyone who enjoys a large-scale video game adventure. The graphics don’t present a problem, and even the lack of difficulty won’t matter on the first play through (it took me so long to get used to the ‘Materia,’ no matter how many tedious lectures I sat through).
I’m not a big fan of video games in general, especially those released post-Sega Megadrive, but FF7 captured my then-fourteen year old imagination. I completed it in two weeks (only stopping for school and some very minimal sleeping), and then spent a stupidly long time fighting the non-vital bosses and seeking out all the elusive materia. Long live obsessiveness.
FF7 was the turning point in the console RPG and the one on which every subsequent RPG has been based, aside from the more complex PC games which involve a lot more thinking and a basic grasp of Dungeons & Dragons rules. This is easy to play and, although it will effectively waste many, many hours of your life, an incredible eco-cyberpunk-fantasy-mythological-adventure-fighter-discovery romp. The best.
Advantages: Original and groundbreaking, Long-lasting and replayable, Excellent soundtrack and storyline
Disadvantages: Far easier than it should be, Some areas become tedious, Character graphics are a little too basic
Forgotten Worlds
Written on 24.05.07
***
My seemingly endless trawl through the obsolete Sega MegaDrive archive this week highlights ‘Forgotten Worlds,’ a game that may, indeed, have become forgotten in the nineteen years since it first hit arcades partly due to its uselessly misleading title. Rather than being one of those early role-playing ‘Lord of the Rings’ style games that were quite good, if a little unoriginal, it is instead a scrolling shoot-em-up set in a post-nuclear ‘The Terminator’ style world in which the player’s goal is to blast the hell out of everything. Again, not the most original concept, but still something of an arcade niche in 1988.
Published by Capcom, ‘Forgotten Worlds’ has much in common with the ‘R-type’ shoot-em-up, replacing the standard spaceship with a meataxe Aryan marine dressed in blue, with shades (or if you’re playing in two player mode, a black marine dressed in red, with shades). These characters hover in a crouched position through the level by means that are probably explained in the original game manual, though perhaps not; suspension of disbelief is pretty much required in these 80s arcade games, and a swarm of enemy craft make sure to zip onto the screen before too much time is allowed to dwell on such things.
The object of the game is essentially to shoot everything you can as the screen scrolls along to the right, pausing only when confronted with a ridiculously oversized boss at the end of each stage. As well as the floods of hostile spaceships, robots and monsters, the game features many obstacles of terrain that have to be navigated carefully. The game makes some effort to differentiate itself through featuring a human character rather than the traditional spaceship, meaning that touching walls does not mean instant death, and that the bottom of the level is indeed the ground of some post-apocalyptic city, from which convenient shops can spring. As usual in games of this type, money can be collected from destroying enemies, and this can be used to upgrade weaponry and defences in the store, which become more elaborate and destructive as the game progresses. The ability to buy back the player’s health makes the playing experience less frustrating and terrifying than something like ‘Zero Wing,’ where one touch by an enemy laser would cause instant death.
The most notable idea incorporated into the game is the ability to shoot in a complete circle, 360 degrees around the character, although the game continues to scroll to the right and this is where most of the enemies originate. This handily eliminates the blind spot when a group of ships snakes its way back and forth along the screen, but also takes a degree of practice to master. Helpful in the initial stages, this technique proves vital in later levels, and on the static screens of the end-of-stage bosses. It’s not too difficult to master, but it does become something of a burden having to return to the ‘base’ forwards position after pretty much every wave of enemies.
Ported to the Sega MegaDrive, the arcade controls are adapted to the three-button joypad, with the directional buttons logically moving the character up, down, left or right along the scrolling playing field, while the B button shoots. The A and C buttons rotate the marine clockwise and anti-clockwise respectively, spinning rapidly if the button is held down or simply nudged a little in each direction if tapped. The options screen offers the helpful ability of ‘autofire,’ which eliminates the need to press the B button by making the buzzing stream of friendly fire constant, and all but necessitates muting the television to avoid being driven insane by the relentless uninventive sound effect of the guns.
The sound effects are all practical and unambiguous, as would be hoped and expected, and the in-game music is typical arcade fare: a weakly synthesised techno bass rhythm overlaid by a jarring dramatic score of beeps that strives to be an electric guitar on occasion, but fails to compare to something like ‘Golden Axe.’ Even the main title theme is nothing to write home about, which always disappoints me in games of this type which have the potential to sound really good. The graphics are similarly standard, and evidently not an area in which the producers decided to be innovative; the players and enemies look vastly different, largely the result of the typical multi-coloured format, and while it’s nice that a little attention has been paid to the background, it amounts to little more than a skyline and starfield so as not to distract the player. The walls and boundaries make themselves very obvious, and it’s impossible to miss the flashing laser bullets approaching from all angles.
‘Forgotten Worlds’ is far from being one in a million. It’s probably more like one in five or so, in that it’s pretty much exactly the same as a ton of other games, but is able to grab the passing arcade customer’s attention with its fancy rotating gun technique, and super-short demo clips that show the two players working cooperatively with some seriously impressive firepower that the player can’t seriously hope to acquire for some considerable time. Like all of these games, it becomes repetitive and tedious after a very short time, and the incentive of beating the game or racking up the highest score is clearly far more suited to its original free-standing environment than a home console cartridge, but this game still manages to remain more memorable than most other R-types, mainly for featuring a half-naked, flying, beefy Duke Nukem guy rather than just another spaceship. You know, just because it’s different and stuff. There’s nothing funny about me.
Advantages: Quick to start, and a lot of fun for two players, with handy shop system.
Disadvantages: Not much different from the other R-types, and inferior to the genre leaders.
Frogger
The F-Word [Unexplained League of Gentlemen reference. Not so much having unreasonable faith in my audience's reference points as not caring or trying to cultivate an audience]
Written on 24.08.06
**
One of the most fondly remembered arcade classics along with the likes of ‘PacMan,’ Konami’s ‘Frogger’ is a brightly coloured, strangely rewarding and immensely frustrating video game in which the player guides five frogs across treacherous obstacles to reach their homes across the river.
As with all early games, there have been countless variants published in varying degrees of legitimacy over the game’s twenty-five-year life, but Konami’s original still remains the definitive version. This original was released for the Sega Mega Drive in 1998 at a fitting budget price, and was the last game released for that extinct system.
The premise of Frogger is incredibly simple to grasp: on starting the game, the player is presented with a plan view of the game area, with a bright green-and-yellow frog at the very bottom and five square openings visible at the top. All the player can do, and all the player has to do, is to get the frog into one of these openings, and repeat four times with the new, identical frogs that appear afterwards. Only one frog can inhabit each ‘home,’ and the fast moving platforms often make it difficult to reach the left-most homes. Once all five frogs are safely taken home, a little musical jingle will play and the game proceeds to the next level, with harder, faster obstacles. The game screen is split into two halves throughout the game: the bottom half, which needs to be traversed first, is a busy road with five lanes, on which various forms of automobile and bicycle head left and right at dangerous speed. The second, after a tiny safe gap, is a river that the frog will drown in if not carried safely across on the system of logs and turtles, avoiding alligators and being careful to abandon turtles quickly if they begin to submerge.
The player can move the frog up, down, left and right on the screen, with whichever control system is at hand; joystick, joypad or keyboard. The original sticky joystick of the arcade is by far the most satisfying, allowing the player to really feel the frog’s movements and perhaps, for one fleeting moment, even believe that what they’re seeing is real. Before snapping out of it and narrowly missing a truck. The frog moves very rapidly, and it may take some time for players to fully grasp the ‘feel’ of the frog. As everything is based on very simplistic programming, there are no real surprises to be found in the game.
The appearance of evil and benevolent forces can’t be predicted, and there are plenty of times when even a hardened Frogger veteran will squeal in panic as the log they had been banking on arriving from off-screen turns out to have sharp teeth. Similarly, tasty flies and fatal spiders occasionally materialise in the frog homes for a brief period, calling for some more quick thinking by the player. For the most part, it’s technically easy to traverse the road and the river, but the busier and more dangerous they get, the harder the game becomes. The programmers deliver a final blow by giving the player allotted time with each frog, displayed in a green bar at the bottom of the screen, before it croaks. This makes the game incredibly frustrating at times when the player’s waiting around for openings and such. The player begins the game with six lives, and extra lives can be earned by amassing points, displayed at the top of the screen.
It’s clear that much of the acclaim Frogger receives is due only to its age, but the game can become addictive like all good arcade classics, depending on the player’s ability. The graphics and sound are obviously incredibly dated, only adding to the game’s charm (I believe an up-to-date 3D version was released on the PlayStation a few years ago. I really don’t get that). The colours are bright and completely unrealistic, with purple pavements, red-shelled turtles and fluorescent traffic, but all the shapes are very clearly defined. The frog itself looks fantastic in its simplicity, never varying its stance even as it hops all over the screen. There are a couple of instances of animated sprites, apart from all the movement obviously, as the alligators open and shut their mouths and the turtles splash down into the river and then reappear.
The music is perhaps the most irritating aspect of the game, but fortunately it’s only used very sparingly. An annoyingly pitched jingle plays after each level is complete, which really doesn’t strike me as gratitude for the player getting all those little frogs home. The sound effects are better, the frog itself making a peculiar “boing” sound effect that sounds strangely like a human voice, and appropriate splat and splash effects for the player’s death. Near-misses with traffic are greeted with a car horn, which is a very nice touch. The majority of the game is silent, save for all the boings, allowing the player to concentrate on the important task at hand. How those frogs got so far from home in the first place without your help baffles, unless this is some kind of ‘Animals of Farthing Wood’ style journey to a new home. Perhaps I’m looking too much into it.
Frogger’s legacy may not match that of its arcade rival PacMan, but this is entirely justified as the latter is so much better. A late episode of Seinfeld, once the show entered its downward spiralling surreal phase, based a part of its plot on the game, and featured the game itself (the episode was called ‘The Frogger.’) This isn’t a game I’d urge anyone to rush out and buy, even less encourage anyone to feed in the arcade tokens, but it’s an enjoyable, pointless reminder of a simpler time for video games. The people of old didn’t need customisable characters, realistic graphics and convoluted plots. All they needed was a joystick, a frog and an endlessly repetitive and unrewarding playing field, and that was so much better.
What am I talking about? This game’s rubbish.
Advantages: Original premise, suitably difficult.
Disadvantages: Terrible music, limited appeal.
Frontier: Elite II
Written on 31.05.05
****
The sequel to the best-selling space trade and combat simulator ‘Elite,’ voted best game of the 80s on the BBC Micro and early Amigas, Frontier surpasses its predecessor in every way. And a good job too, considering it was five years in the making.
David Braben’s epic and mind-numbingly vast game puts you in the pilot seat of your own space craft, docked in one of several selectable locations throughout the Milky Way galaxy. And that’s it. From the start, the choice of gameplay is yours: will you lead the quiet life, trading between star systems to afford those upgrades and larger, faster ships? Or will you do some illegal mining and blast the cops out of the sky?
GAMEPLAY
This game was released over 10 years ago on floppy disc. The graphics aren’t incredible, and the presentation is simplistic. But if high quality graphics are your criteria for a great game, feel the power of beam laser. Frontier is immense, involving and addictive, as well as fairly realistic – once you get past the noisy lasers in space and the same three faces recycled between all the people you meet.
Frontier is still available as Shareware for the PC from eliteclub.co.uk, at the cost of £5. I still play my old Amiga version, which is pretty much identical and runs efficiently from the hard drive. The controls take some time to pick up, and manoeuvres such as combat and docking take a long time to master, but the keyboard keys and mouse selections are straightforward to use and learn. An important feature of the game is that time can be manipulated: essential when travelling to a distant location within a solar system, and for pausing battles because Farscape’s just come on.
After naming your character, a feature that is only needed for the gravestone on the Game Over screen, the choice really is yours. Piloting can be done manually if you think you’re good enough (you aren’t), or everything can be left to the autopilot. Assuming you can afford one, and keep it in good nick.
GRAPHICS
Frontier exists in a universe of simplistic three-dimensional polygons, where space is blue and a ‘Detail: High’ option still leaves everything looking like that badly-thought-out eighties film ‘The Last Starfighter.’ This means that everything is smooth and fits onto a single floppy disc, as well as showing just how much people will pay nowadays for fussiness over graphics. Frontier is still beautiful and comprehensible, but the player does suffer occasionally through not being shown distant objects clearly. The graphical style is far more entrenched in the glitzy futuristic world of Arthur C. Clarke and ‘Star Trek’ (a world of white, angular space stations with blinking lights) than the run-down industrial universe of ‘Star Wars’ or ‘Alien.’
MUSIC
Continuing with the ‘2001’ influence, David Lowe and Aidan Bell (composer of Rocky Horror’s ‘Time Warp’) synthesised a number of classical compositions of various moods to suit different events in gameplay, while also composing the excellent opening theme. The effect of these simplistic MIDI renditions is enjoyable, but nowhere near as powerful as more detailed recreations would have been, but this is again due to the age of the game. Notable scores include Grieg’s ‘Hall of the Mountain King’ from Peer Gynt, Mussorgsky’s ‘Night on a Bare Mountain,’ Wagner’s ‘Ride of the Valkyries’ and, of course, Strauss’ ‘Blue Danube Waltz’ when docking with a space station. No ‘Also Sprach Zarathustra’ here.
The ten or so musical pieces can be switched on an off, depending on the preference of the listener, and can be alternated between ‘event’ and ‘continuous,’ if you can really stand the chirpy computer music playing throughout this very, very long game. Braben includes a ‘no music’ option for those who prefer to blast some Vangelis from their stereo while playing.
VERDICT
Frontier is a game for grown-ups and geeks, that is uncontested. No cool, together person would spend their free time worrying about hydrogen fuel and looking forward to a time when they can afford three passenger cabins. But Frontier is a great game for geeks, and is truly rewarding and engrossing as gameplay progresses and you find yourself drawn into Braben’s twenty-second century.
The game isn’t without its problems though. Ignoring the occasional glitches and major errors (a famous example being that the game’s calculations for vast distances on the Amiga version resulted in it giving up at the outer edges of the galaxy, so a single tonne of fuel could take you all the way to the opposite edge of the Milky Way), the similarity between locations, vessels, planets and character faces does detract from the credibility. Character voices and more freedom of movement – exploring space stations and actually seeing your character move away from the cockpit – would be a more complex game, and a very different game. But it’s disappointments like this, facts about the game that have dismayed players since it was first released, that prevent this from achieving five stars.
Hawking would be proud. I bet he’s been playing this for years as a real badass.
Advantages: Engrossing and addictive, Memorable style and music, Open-ended with no annoying storyloine or cut-scenes
Disadvantages: Difficult to get into, Simplistic graphics and sound
Golden Axe
Written on 01.10.05
****
In the golden age of video game arcades, scrolling beat-em-ups loosely based on Masters of the Universe archetypes and Tolkienian fantasy lands earned companies like Konami millions from impressionable eighties youths' pocket money. Perhaps the lord of all these ridiculously similar semi-violent offerings was Sega's 'Golden Axe,' flawlessly converted to home computer format for Commodore's Amiga 600.
PREMISE
Golden Axe is the story of three heroes, seeking out the evil knight Death Adder for revenge and plunder. One or two players rely on the characters' brute strength, fighting tactics, magic powers and helpful monster transport as they charge through Death Adder's evil, endlessly repeated minions in search for his castle.
Players can choose which of the three heroes suits their playing style and/or aesthetic preference. The characters are:
Ax-Battler: sword-wielding barbarian warrior in tight blue underwear
Tyrus Flare: busty valkyrie fighter, very sexy (if you are a bit strange)
Gilius Thunderhead: armed with the Golden Axe, this diminutive dwarf can execute deadly sweep attacks
Each character is master of elemental magic, obtained and improved by collecting potions looted from thieves. Most basic attack moves are as effective with all characters, meaning the difference between characters is more down to imagination than having any effect on the difficulty of the game, but crazily there was a time when details like that didn't really matter and people would pump in the arcade tokens.
GAMEPLAY
The Amiga joystick controls the characters' movements, the customary 'up/forward' action making the character jump and the fire triggers controlling physical attacks. The only additional, non-joystick commands are the keyboard's 'Enter' and 'P' keys, unleashing magic and pausing the game respectively. Player 2 can be controlled by a joystick in the second port or, if you are enjoy an impossible challenge or are mad, the mouse can be used. The Amiga game came on one purple-labelled floppy disc and operated on the Amiga 500, 500+, 600, 1200 and 4000 desktop machines.
Presented as a sideways-scrolling, two-dimensional fighting adventure game, players move from left to right across varying terrain. Gameplay is centred on the area the characters inhabit, and progress can only be made once all the enemies of that screen have been destroyed, indicated by a klaxon and flashing arrow labelled 'Go.'
Although there are occasional platforms and raised or lowered areas that players can choose between, the primary movements are left and right across the screen and up or down the 'depth' of the terrain to run around enemies. Novel aspects of the game include riding on wild, magical beats and using their natural fighting abilities in addition to your own, and striking the light-footed thieves to obtain food (health) and extra magic. Aside from these features, this plays as an average scrolling beat-em-up in the style of 'Streets of Rage' and Komani's 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' offerings.
GRAPHICS & SOUND
This looks every bit the colourful 16-bit arcade game, each level roughly based on a different colour scheme in terms of the landscape and enemy characters but the brightness of the main characters and their magic attacks going more for a cartoon-like feel than the attempts at realistic shading in the sequels. Each character's face is something of a shadowy blur due to the limited pixels, but the anatomy and size of the enemies in proportion is fairly accurate, excluding the occasional pint-sized runaway villager. Despite the repetition, enemies range from warriors of different types to clobbering giants, sinister skeletons and dragon riders. The text, used only sparingly and mainly in the interludes, is written clearly and precisely in what appears to be a blocky size 8 font.
A side of the game that deserves to be mentioned is the excellent soundtrack: synthesised at low quality, the melodies nevertheless manage to sound memorable, catchy and entirely relevant. As someone who owns the soundtrack on CD I may be taking this nostalgia thing a little too far, but the quasi-epic background music alternates between two excellent compositions, repeating over and over after lasting for somewhere in the region of one and a half minutes but never growing old. Of course other tracks are less impressive and border on frustratingly piercing, especially when high notes are attempted.
The in-game effects aren't so impressive, play dominated by weapon swipes and the thuds of falling bodies but occasionally broken through with a badly recorded dying yelp. Basic sound effects are necessary for the enjoyment of a game like this, and Golden Axe performs adequately.
LONGEVITY
Golden Axe has passed the test of time, remaining as fun and addictive as it presumably was in 1989. Limitations of the time and format, such as the tiny playable area and repetition of the same four or five enemies in different coloured shirts throughout, now seem forgivably cute and nostalgic, not to mention the fact that this game can be obtained second-hand for next to no money at all from eBay or private sellers, or emulated for free.
The recent obsession with nostalgia on consoles such as Microsoft's XBox makes a contemporary Golden Axe release plausible and even a little inevitable (seeing as they released 'Gauntlet'), but a jazzy three-dimensional version would steal none of the original game's charm. There's also no way it would be anywhere near as enjoyable.
A relic from a time when video games were just as expensive but simplistically addictive, and when men with huge torsos could be drawn in bright thongs and labelled 'barbarians,' Golden Axe is just as fun and frustrating for people of all ages today.
And axe-wielding dwarf Gilius Thunderhead is clearly best.
Ideas for future games
Written on 07.01.06
What a great category. And an interesting one for me to consider, as I've found my interest in video games steadily decreasing with every new year. Some may see this as a natural sign of my growth from infantile childhood to 20-year-old attempted childhood, and they're probably right. As well as the fact that I don't have any money. But I feel disillusioned - in the early 1990s, when video game console fever was arguably at its height, Carol Vorderman assured us that virtual reality was going to be the next big thing, right before that faded away and more realistic three-dimensional versions of the same games began production.
Wouldn't that be fantastic? Admittedly, the demonstration I remember being shown was just a common kitchen, reproduced perfectly and absolutely indistinguishable from the real thing apart from the fact that there were no colours and everything was made of sharp-edged polygons, but if the necessary funding and effort had been put into that, kids everywhere could plug in their VR headsets and experience a real kitchen, all coloured in and everything and with perhaps some pixellated food they could pretend to eat, before being called by their mothers to come downstairs to the real kitchen and stop playing that stupid, pointless kitchen game.
Of course, there will have to be parental guidance and strict monitoring of the programs being used. Every significant leap in technology inevitably gets tangled up in sex, and it wouldn't take long for multimedia pornographic companies like Playboy, Private and Bazooka (I think I'm making them up now. But probably not) to get involved. Which is great, as long as it's all legal. And as long as it doesn't all run on Windows. Ha ha, brilliant.
Star Trek never showed that. Deep Space Nine came close, with its passing reference to "Vulcan Love Slave," evidently a popular choice for patrons of the holosuite, while a post-watershed timeslot saw Red Dwarf admitting that open-ended artificial reality trips are desirable almost entirely for their erogenous potential:
"That groinal attachment's supposed to have a lifetime guarantee, you've worn it out in nearly three weeks."
Roleplayers would clearly benefit the most. Skimming over the hilarious 1980s William Shatner-esque jokes about the opportunity for them to see a nude woman for once, in the digitised flesh, roleplaying games would take the final jump into virtual perfection, a far cry from the text-based MUD games roleplaying fans used to have to settle for.
I can't really think of a game genre that wouldn't translate effectively to this new style, although some existing attempts to make two-dimensional arcade classics like PacMan into three-dimensional format haven't impressed me very much, and assuming this purely visual medium evolves into a tangible experience, much like - let's face it, exactly like Star Trek's holodeck, regular players of video games will get to exercise more than just their thumbs.
Flight simulators, war games, shoot-em-ups, cartoon platform adventures, it'd all be a lot of fun. Difficulty settings would become of even greater importance, based on the player's fitness and tiredness, and the pornography industry would hit the jackpot.
There is, however, one thing that worries me with this otherwise flawless plan. Not the fact that such technology is clearly either a long way off or simply destined never to see the light of day (at least in a wholly successful and convincing form), and not even that it will likely cause even greater monopolies for evil soulless companies. And not even that players will become so engrossed that they develop forms of holodiction and an inability to return to the "real world."
I'm worried about morons who will set about recreating the real world in all its mundane glory, not change a thing, and con people into paying extortionate amounts of money to walk down a computer-generated replica of their own street. Open your eyes people!
Looking back, what was so wrong with 'Pong' anyway?
The Incredible Crash Dummies
Clunk Click Every Trip [Ruined retro reference]
Written on 09.06.07
**
If you grew up in the early nineties, you may remember repetitive advertisements for ‘The Incredible Crash Dummies,’ a line of action figures that combined child car safety awareness with a limited, sub-Transformers range of toys. The inevitable video game concept was produced in 1993 by the disconcertingly obscure Gray Matter Productions, noted as ‘a division of Chris Gray Enterprises,’ that world-renowned tycoon. Despite lacking a reputable producer, the game works reasonably well and was successfully ported to the Amiga 1200 and Sega MegaDrive among other systems, but a game based on a mediocre and short-lived toy franchise was never really going to take off.
As always, there’s a ridiculous plot tagged on that really does nothing but attempt to provide a purpose to a game that the player was going to play anyway, without dwelling too much on the larger consequences of moving a dismantleable man across various terrains, picking up tools and jumping on peoples’ heads. The story is explained in a very basic storyboard animation that follows the title screen, in which Dr. Zub, presumably creator of the Crash Dummies and a Crash Dummy himself, reveals that your arch nemesis Junkman intends to learn the secrets of his powerful Torso-9000 body known only to the doctor, and produce an army of evil Crash Dummies. As he is explaining this to our red and black heroes, he is predictably kidnapped and the dismantled protagonists interchange an extremely long list of weak gags in jovial ignorance to the serious consequences of the events around them, featuring such highlights as ‘going to pieces,’ ‘pull yourself together,’ ‘I lost my head there for a second’ and ‘need a hand?’
Of course, the best thing about novelty games like these is how they bring something original to the over-saturated platform game genre, and in the case of ‘Incredible Crash Dummies,’ this a memorable and really enjoyable attempt to authentically fuse the toys with the game. Primarily, this means that Slick, the playable Crash Dummy with a red star on his torso, has detachable limbs that become lost when he incurs damage. Getting hit once will cause him to lose his foremost leg and getting hit twice will lose the other leg, reducing him to a legless (in the literal sense) crawler. After the legs comes the arms, and two hits later on his final health point, Slick is nothing more than a wiggling torso with a head and holes where his limbs should be. It’s a lot of fun, and subject to a weird error also, as the arm or leg that is destroyed first will always be the one in the foreground, no matter which direction Slick is facing. Presumably through laziness of the artist simply flipping the image, the missing arm or leg will always swap on every turn.
Thankfully, collecting an orange screwdriver will fix the last limb that became damaged, while grey spanners can be thrown at enemies as missiles. Other power-ups are less exciting and more run-of-the-mill, such as the nuclear symbols which can be collected simply for points (and who cares about that?), or the yellow lightning strike symbols which increase Slick’s speed for a limited duration. Stealing an idea from ‘Super Mario World,’ the character can be inflated like a balloon from collecting an ‘A’ token, allowing him to reach areas that were previously too high. As well as the abundance of evil Crash Dummies and mechanical menaces such as mini aeroplanes, the game is replete with danger in the form of spikes and pits, usually presented as electricity, and an incredibly tedious set of moving platforms that prove more frustrating than in any other game using the idea.
The game is for one player only, without any options whatsoever, and uses the Sega MegaDrive joypad. Left and right predictably move Slick in those directions, the up button doesn’t do an awful lot, and the down allows him to duck – or rather, dismantle temporarily into a heap on the ground. The joypad B button throws spanners if the player has them, and C is the all-important jump action that can clear and avoid obstacles, and also assault hostile Crash Dummies and things. As with most games, the enemies repeat endlessly but still fail to be completely predictable in their deployment, either standing stationary or bouncing on the spot and thus being easy to mark and avoid, or otherwise zooming on from the left or right of the screen on ground level or in the air. It’s fast moving, and in the earliest stages it’s possible to pretty much bounce your way through from left to right of the course without too much of a problem, but all subsequent levels are multi-staged, requiring Slick to climb and be patient in many instances, also featuring a less generous smattering of screwdrivers. The yellow and black hazard symbol marks the end of each stage, and merely has to be stepped (or rolled) on for Slick to be launched.
The most generous comment I can make about this game is that its unique system for character disintegration keeps it memorable fourteen years later, but beyond that there’s little to keep players hooked on this game after the first four or so levels, when the novelty starts to wear off, everything new has been done, and the frustration of those moving platforms overtakes the simple enjoyment that would previously be had each time Slick falls into the electricity and becomes shorter. It’s a little strange that a spin-off like this wouldn’t, in fact, include cars of any kind, but at least it’s better than unrecognisable adaptations such as the video game version of ‘Baby’s Day Out.’
This game will potentially induce children to become masochists, as I have to admit charging ahead in a more reckless manner than I would on other games just to get to the dangerous yet amusing position of a wriggling bean shaped Crash Dummy with no limbs, forcing himself along the metal floor by thrusting his head forwards. Come to think of it, isn’t the whole idea of a line of action figures that encourages kids to crash them apart violently somewhat risqué? I guess that’s part of the reason you don’t hear too much about ‘The Incredible Crash Dummies’ these days.
Advantages: It's enjoyable to see those limbs go flying off everywhere.
Disadvantages: Repetitive and incredibly tedious.
It Came From The Desert
Written on 31.05.07
*
I expected more from a game packaged in a box featuring a B-movie style screaming woman getting terrified by an enormous ant. Despite the intriguing title, 'It Came From the Desert' isn't a comedy game, combining a basic and tediously difficult survival game with a not-so-subtle anti-nuclear message that's likely all inspired by the B-classic 'Them!' The player must track down the cause of the mutations as the most evil and destructive creature of them all: a giant ant! I mean humankind, responsible for these mutations in the first place, obviously. But there is a giant ant too. It's also, sadly, one of those games where the opening animation ends up being far superior to the game that follows, and only in this instance for being painted in particularly pleasing shades of red.
The playing screen is simple to understand, and the player is thrown into the action immediately. The joypad controls the two dimensional movements (alright, so jumping is technically a third dimension if you're going to be pedantic) of a man viewed from above who we later learn is called Buzz, donning a flamethrower, some grenades and a rucksack, and essentially dressed in far more layers than could be comfortable in this generic desert environment. The extent of the playing field is relatively small, as the action primarily moves upwards, but further ground can be accessed by moving a little to the left or right of the default screen. Besides picking up the occasional power-ups that can be salvaged from the ground, such as vital replacement grenades, the object of the game is to make it from the bottom of the level to the top of the level, avoiding the rolling sand trails and burning any pesky oversized green bugs that get in Buzz's way. At the end of each level is a character who Buzz will chat with automatically, revealing the intricate details of the poor excuse for a plot.
The problems with 'ICFTD' are twofold; firstly, it's an overused and very limited idea, and secondly it's fairly impossible to complete each individual area without multiple re-tries. This seems to be a trend with desert-based survival games of the era, and was perfected elsewhere in the great public domain release 'Egyptian Run,' produced independently by some Australian guy for the Amiga on what must have been a fraction of the cost, and to a far greater degree of white knuckle entertainment and hilarious frustration. In 'ICFTD' there's no enjoyment to be found in the anger, as the player is given enough breathing and thinking time as each level begins to deceive them into a false sense of entertainment, before the impassable barrier trails across and the game is inevitably over.
In an attempt to add value, the game box offers a cooperative two player option that sounds at first like a promising way to pass the terrain more quickly and effectively. Unfortunately, it's only two player in the 'Ms. PacMan' sense, with each player taking it in turns to control the same green-coated and green-bandana-wearing character in exactly the same situation. Seriously, how difficult would it have been to just change the colour of the clothes from green to red, or give one player dark skin or blonde hair? Suffice to say, there are several thousand better two player experiences out there, and it's no further incentive to buy this game. Slightly annoyingly, the turn-taking method doesn't even eliminate the need for a second MegaDrive controller as it does with some games, still requiring a second pad plugged into Port 2, or for more desperate players to switch ports with their existing, very well-worn pad on which the writing is no longer legible.
So what can be salvaged from this game, almost twenty years later? Often there's something memorable in the graphics or sound department, but not so here aside from the nice 'blood red sky' mentioned earlier, that even has attention drawn to it in the scrolling story exposition text that comes after. The desert sand is pretty boring, and even when desert roads or the streets of Lovelock usurp it, it all looks very dull, flat and square, lacking the jaunty angles of the many similar games that followed a diagonal isometric plan. The first time I played the game on mute, I anticipated that the opening animation, with its bouncing rabbit, plummeting bird, wide vista and cataclysmic nuclear mushroom cloud would offer something interesting, but instead it's overlaid with nothing more than a simple bass rhythm that evokes none of the necessary emotions. I know this is cheap 16-bit video game music I'm talking about, and indeed I may never learn how futile this all is, but it could have been so much better. The title screen is a little more interesting as a melodic range is added over the top, and even the in-game music (which even I don't expect to be anything special. I'm not that mad) is quite good, with appropriate burny and bangy sound effects, though lacking a boingy or deadey one.
It's cute that programmer Matthew Harmon and co-designer and artist Jon Gwyn attempted to craft a serious story around this game, one that only becomes relevant in the brief pauses between levels. This was clearly something of a pet project for them, however pleased they may have been with their finished product, but despite claiming 'Quality Assurance' by one Mario Escamilla and an extensive list of 'Special Thanks' in the credits, 'It Came From the Desert' can only claim to be memorable due to its cool title (but one that I can't help feeling should be 'It Came From Beneath the Desert,' which would still technically work) and box art of a woman being afraid of a giant bug. Still an all-too-common occurrence in twenty-first century life, though normal sized rather than gigantic ones, obviously.
Advantages: Great box art and B-movie vibe, as well as some attempt at constructing a plot.
Disadvantages: Far too tedious and difficult to be rewarding.
James Pond 2: Robocod
Written on 20.11.05
****
You'd think that a video game franchise based primarily on fishy puns of popular films and dogged with product placement of Penguin chocolate bars would be disappointing at best, but Millennium's entertaining piscine romp combined the best elements of platform games over the previous five years and became of the best-loved games of 1991.
PREMISE
In the first game, James Pond was an aquatic secret agent, working for the intelligence agency FI5H against the evil Dr. Maybe. (Yes, some of the more contrived similarities to Bond are a bit pathetic). In 'Robocod' the parody is less direct and the layout more accessible, Pond's goal now simply being to save a load of penguins from Dr. Maybe at the Arctic Toy Factory. He's, I don't know... turning them into robots or something. The plot didn't seem to matter so much in those golden years.
This sets up a nice surreal environment of oversized toys, board games, desserts and other sweet foodstuffs that never really gets tiresome. It also avoids the very tedious underwater setting of the first game by making Pond able to breathe air. The idea of a 'world map' was developing in platform games at the time, but 'Robocod' promises a little more than it can really offer in this department by allowing the player to select which areas to play, although there are never more than two doors unlocked at a time on the toy factory, a la 'Mickey Mouse in the Castle of Illusion.'
Now codenamed Robocod, Pond has a metal casing on his body, between his huge head and tail (which he now uses as legs, being literally a fish out of water). This doesn't really influence gameplay too much, but Pond's body can extend vertically for as far as the player chooses, being able to grab onto ceilings and platforms along the way, or to land heavily on enemies.
GAMEPLAY
This is primarily a platform game, but one that tries to impress by adding little distractions. The occasional permanently scrolling level means death to the character if the player doesn't keep up with the action, while breaking a large box every so often will produce one of many different vehicles that can aid progress in the level, from mundane items such as toy cars and trains to the really strange flying bath. Robocod's movements are controlled in the usual way, whether using the joystick or joypad: left and right move him in those directions, up causes him to jump and down sees him ducking into his suit.
The enemies are dispatched by jumping on their heads in classic non-violent, simplistic platform game style, while boxes can be knocked to reveal items that either increase the player's health or lives, or simply their score (an increasingly outdated facet of arcade games that still survived but didn't mean too much any more). After every couple of levels, Pond can choose whether to continue to the next stage or face the themed enemy boss: either way, all doors must be unlocked to complete the game and face Dr. Maybe.
There are secret exits and passages in many levels, adding another element of enjoyment that is a credit to the programmers, but the usual way to complete a level is to rescue (read "run into") the penguins you can find until the exit beacon flashes and you can approach it.
GRAPHICS & SOUND
This is an area in which the game both excels and becomes very, very annoying. James Pond 2 is bright and colourful, and when playing on a television as opposed to a monitor, the slight blurring effect really does injure the eyes over time. It all looks quite nice though, and everything is easily discernible in the way that the first game occasionally wasn't.
There is no voice acting in this game, and the sound effects are all very basic, repetitive and unrealistic. The music is the usual cheery 16-bit soundtrack common to all games at the time, but it does sound a little more festive as yet another subtle Christmas theme running through the multi-religion-acceptable game. The compositions do get repetitive, repeating every so often even as play advances to the higher levels that have little else in common with the beginning, and this is a little distracting.
VERDICT
1991 was the year of Sonic: the Hedgehog with attitude, and Robocod's polite rescue of toys so that Christmas can go ahead seemed, in contrast, a little childish. Millennium evidently tried to increase competition by repackaging the case to feature a less cutesy and gormless Robocod, transforming him to an eyebrow-tilting cool character holding a gun. Such weapons are not present in the game, but perhaps it was also necessary to give some controversy to the otherwise family-friendly game. This was the era of gangsta rap after all, it wasn't just the Hedgehog's domain.
Robocod is a pretty hard game, but very addictive and entertaining. If I admit that it has taken me ten years to complete I'd probably be misleading you on its true longevity: rest assured that years passed where I didn't even put the floppy disc into the Amiga, but I finally got round to it. Better than the early Mario games, but not as good as the following year's 'Super Mario World,' Robocod is the peak of the shorter-lived James Pond franchise which ended with the disappointing third game in 1994 and whatever irrelevant spin-offs were brought out in-between.
The Bond and secret agent jokes are hardly present at all, which is good as that's very distracting when foregrounded in the later 'James Pond 3: Operation StarFI5H.' Robocod remains a platform classic and proof that, with the right people for the job, you really can start with just a title.
Joe & Mac
Wrath of the Caveman Ninja
Written on 09.12.07
**
With the Flintstones having defined the prehistoric cartoon genre, it was inevitable that any children's video game concerning dinosaurs or cavemen would find itself unable to resist essentially ripping it off, and combining the two historically incompatible species. 1991 weirdly saw a boom in stone age video games, a year before the impact of 'Jurassic Park' saw countless dinosaur-themed titles appearing everywhere in its wake, with Derby's Core Design releasing the memorable 'Chuck Rock' for numerous systems, France's Titus Interactive offering the less good 'Prehistorik' for Amiga, and Japan's Data East creating this slightly strange caveman ninja arcade beat-em-up.
'Joe & Mac: Caveman Ninja' shows a few notable signs of its Japanese origins outside of its grammatically awkward title, but like the contemporary 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' cartoon series, its focus is on a more child-friendly, fantastical style of ninjitsu than anything that should be of concern to parents (but you know what those squares are like). The title characters are drawn in a Manga style, complete with inexplicable green and blue hair, and they progress from left to right across a series of very short stages leaping around and dispatching identical enemies with an inexhaustible supply of projectile objects. Whether playing one or two player, the premise is incredibly simple: an opening animation shows three evil Fred Flintstone / Tarzan blokes marching into a wigwam under cloak of night, and departing with three screaming maidens. Launching straight into the opening level, it's obvious that your objective is to rescue these multiple damsels from the evil clones and from dinosaur bosses that don't have a particular vested interest, but decide to hinder your progress anyway. And that can also breathe fire.
The Sega MegaDrive port stays true to the arcade original, and watching the title screen and demos cycle on your TV screen or monitor really feels like being in an old arcade. The graphics are fairly simplistic, completely flat and two-dimensional, brightly coloured and lacking in anything really interesting, but you can mostly discern what the anachronistic burgers and cans you're collecting are supposed to be. The main disappointment is that the enemies are all so similar - when I say similar, I mean that every single enemy caveman has the exact same face on the exact same body in the same clothing, and any novelties such as dinosaur adversaries will soon be followed by their identical friend a few seconds later. Even for 1991 this is all a bit lazy, but as an easily playable piece of nostalgia it doesn't really affect its enjoyment.
Each level scrolls for a disappointingly short time from left to right, and like the early Mario games you can't retrace your steps once a screen is passed. The terrain features occasional interesting deviations allowing for vertical movement, such as floating platforms or stationary dinos, and can be used strategically, as thrown rocks amusingly backfire on the enemies when they roll back towards their shocked, 16-bit faces due to the gravity they had yet to discover. The controls are the usual left and right on the joypad, with the MegaDrive's A button launching into a high, twirling jump, B button throwing whatever object your character currently possesses, and C executing a more modest, small jump. Both characters start out with a basic weapon that kills (i.e. hits enemies with a comic 'thwack!' exclamation and throws them off the screen) most foes in one hit and takes a while to finish off the meaner ones, but more powerful stone and metal items can be picked up from the ground, all of which can be used endlessly in the illogical spirit of 'Gauntlet.'
What sets this apart from other side-scrolling beat-em-ups in the much-imitated 'Streets of Rage'/'Golden Axe' style is firstly that it's about cavemen, but secondly the variety it offers on multiple plays, as players are often presented with a choice of which direction to take after completing a level, allowing for multiple routes and extending its lifespan. As it's essentially a kid's game, it's also quite lenient on the level of difficulty that can be tampered with, the options screen allowing the default lives to be shifted from two to one or three; continues from one to a maximum of four (or zero if you feel lucky, or a need to prove your manliness); while difficulty can be shifted from 'normal' to 'easy' or 'hard' likewise. The options screen also allows players to customise the three joypad buttons however it suits them best, if they're used to a specific style from a different game, and there's a nice sound test featuring all the music and effects that are okay, though Chuck Rock's take on prehistoric ditties was much better.
'Joe & Mac: Cavem(e)n Ninja(s)' wasn't one of the most impressive games of its type, but its fun, cartoon graphics and the presence of dinosaurs were enough to single it out from the competition. It's a little too easy for older players, but they've already been provided with gritty urban violence in the form of the 'Streets of Rage' series, so shouldn't really be playing this. Unless of course, they have a hypothetical desire to upset their younger siblings by scoring repeated victories and knocking them off the score board. They wouldn't even have the sense of humour to make each entry a rude word either, insisting on entering DPW every time to really rub it in - apart from the one time they accidentally entered DPV because of the clumsy joypad controls, and had to knock that abhorrent entry off by playing even more. Hypothetically.
Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver
Written on 15.07.00
*****
Soul Reaver is a very original and spooky game which looks almost as well on Playstation as on Dreamcast. However, this game is not included in the Dreamcast listings, although I have suggested it, so here are cheats for the Dreamcast version. I hope someone finds them here! They need to be entered quickly, so if they don't work at first you may need to keep trying until they do.
R= Right. L= Left. U= Up. D= Down. B= B Button. A= A Button. Y= Y Button. X= X Button.
SHIFT DIMENSIONS AT ANY TIME
To shift from the material plane to the spectral plane at any time and any place you want, press U, U, D, D, R, R, L, B, R, L, D. You still need full energy to cross over.
HEALTH AND MAGIC:
REFILL HEALTH D, B, U, L, U, L.
RAISE HEALTH COIL TO NEXT LEVEL R, A, L, Y, U, D.
RAISE HEALTH COIL TO MAXIMUM R, B, D, U, D, U.
REFILL MAGIC R, R, L, Y, R, D.
RAISE MAGIC TO MAXIMUM Y, R, D, R, U, Y, L.
ABILITIES:
(YOU NORMALLY ONLY GET THESE AFTER DEFEATING BOSSES)
PASS THROUGH BARRIERS D, B, B, L, R, Y, U.
SOUL REAVER ABILITY D, Y, X, R, R, D, D, L, R, D, R.
CRAWLING CRACKED WALLS Y, D, X, R, U, D.
FORCE PROJECTILE L, R, B, L, R, L.
SWIM U, B, D, R, B, L, U.
CONSTRICT D, U, R, R, B, U, U, D.
THE SOUL REAVER:
FORGE SOUL REAVER WITH FIRE D, U, R, U, D, L, B, R, D.
RED REAVER Y, R, D, B, U.
YELLOW REAVER A, R, U, U, Y, L, L, R, U.
RED AND BLACK REAVER A, B, R, Y, L, L, R, U.
SPELLS:
FORCE GLYPH D, L, Y, D, U.
STONE GLYPH D, B, U, L, D, R, R.
SOUND GLYPH R, R, D, B, U, U, D.
WATER GLYPH D, B, U, D, R.
FIRE GLYPH U, U, R, U, Y, X, R.
SUNLIGHT GLYPH L, B, L, R, R, U, U, L.
That's all the cheats I've got, so I hope they come in useful to someone.
[Yeah. There was a lot of this about in the early days, fortunately it was my only one. The cretins who awarded it an aggregate 'Very Useful' rating didn't help. Even though it admits it's not in the right category and is just me getting credit (and money) for copy-pasting cheats from a website rather than bothering to write a review (which would have been a challenge, as we didn't have this game).]
Loom
Written on 18.01.08
****
Brian Moriarty's 'Loom' is one of the classic graphic adventure games produced by LucasArts in the early 1990s, bearing many similarities to Ron Gilbert's genre-defining 'Secret of Monkey IslandTM' as well as notable differences that make it unique in the easily repetitive point 'n' click genre. The links with Monkey IslandTM amusingly work in the opposite direction, this less famous title being referenced several times in Gilbert's more successful adventure game in the form of semi-joking adverts and character crossovers, which provide some nice continuity and in-jokes for adventure game fans but always left me a little confused as a child, wondering who exactly Bobbin Threadbare was.
Loom is an interesting fantasy tale spun with the typical comedic twist present in all the best adventure games from the golden era, and the fictional world it weaves is an intriguing and ever-expanding one that players can take delight in inhabiting for a short time. Using the computer mouse, the player controls Bobbin Threadbare, an amateur Weaver from the provincial island of Loom, where the permanently hooded Guild of Weavers tend to the vast and complex loom that seems to hold together the frail fabric of the universe, or "the pattern" as they casually refer to it. Although Bobbin considers his own weaving skills to be all but non-existent, having even been fired from training school, he is placed in the position of unlikely but destined hero and saviour of the universe following a catastrophe that transforms the island Elders into swans and spirits them away.
A good adventure game relies heavily on the strength of its protagonist, a character the player may have to spend an awful lot of time with, and Bobbin is an interesting take on the idea. Still young, naive and sarcastic in the spirit of Monkey IslandTM's Guybrush Threepwood (my childhood hero... who am I kidding, he's still one of my rode models), Bobbin is nevertheless a little dull and lacking in the biting wit usually associated with these characters, but the script remains light-hearted enough, without being distracting or farcical, to avoid becoming a dreary fantasy. The most unique aspect of the game is the control method, which completely forsakes the usual list of verbs to control the character's actions ("Walk to," "Look at," "Push," etc.) and replaces them with a stick, the only item Bobbin will ever need to interact with those elements of the environment that are conveniently highlighted. The staff is accompanied by a musical scale, a full octave ranging from low c to high C, and all of Bobbin's actions consist of spinning these "threads," unique combinations of four notes, to affect the object or character selected on screen.
As this is a linear adventure game with an evolving narrative, Bobbin's skills evolve from an amateur grasp of only the first three notes (c, d and e) and see him achieve further notes as he demonstrates his Weaver powers throughout the game. Obviously, the obstacles that come in his way - from an impassable whirlwind to the eventual tearing in the fabric of the universe - can all be passed with the level of skill Bobbin is assigned at that point in the narrative, always helpfully providing the musical score of their own demise themselves, and inability to cross a certain area inevitably means backtracking to previous screens to see what you've missed. This is where the game suffers to some degree, as there's an uncomfortable mixture of puzzles that are insultingly simple to solve, especially at the very end of the game, and ones that really require guesswork or even the ultimate last resort of waving the mouse madly over every part of the screen looking for highlighted sections, and experimenting with increasingly desperate thread spells on an object that you know aren't going to get you anywhere (we've all been there). Fortunately, almost all of the solutions are logical and can be deduced from a few moments of thought, but this has the unfortunate side-effect of limiting the game severely for more experienced adventure game veterans.
This is where my main issue with the game comes in: it's far too short. It's my own fault for not choosing the 'Expert' option on the title screen, but even in 'Standard' it plods along at a steady, linear pace and only took me half a day to complete. This isn't bragging, as there were several times I felt really stuck and had to waste a lot of time exploring the same areas over and over, but the second half of the game particularly is fairly straightforward and obvious stuff, and lacks the sneakiness of the early sections on Loom island. As some vague examples of gameplay to avoid spoiling the specific instances for anyone who might play, Bobbin learns from observing a bubbling pot that the notes "ddcd" dye wool green, something he is free to apply to any clothes or tapestries that the player comes across in their more desperate moments but that will eventually pay off on a later shore, while a desire to read the inscription carved on a gravestone obscured by the tail feathers of an owl requires a nearby thorn bush to be disturbed to send scurrying a rabbit that said owl can rather brutally claim as his dinner, leaving the gravestone clearly legible. It's a fun game when the puzzles are needlessly contrived like this, but the humour becomes lost later on when the fantasy elements are permitted to take over and Moriarty seems too intent on bringing his story to a close.
The dingy, homely starting locations are always my favourite in these type of games despite the grand and magical multi-coloured lands the characters eventually get to visit (I always much preferred Melee IslandTM to Monkey IslandTM for example), and the graphics do a similarly excellent job rendering the island's limited, dramatic angles in glorious 2-D pixels. The graphics obviously aren't up to the standards of modern games, but are as good as an adventure game ever required, and make for an enjoyable companion to the early Monkey IslandTM titles with similar humans, ghosts and seagulls. There isn't a great degree of variation between the original floppy disk version and the more advanced CD edition beyond the soundtrack, which is less digitised in the latter and features voice actors as well as the original text, though I always eagerly select the muted option on these games.
'Loom' is a classic adventure game with a nice difference that will appeal to anyone who enjoyed Monkey IslandTM, Simon the Sorcerer and Beneath a Steel Sky among others, but it isn't as satisfying or involving as those, finishing too soon and losing some of its charm towards the end. The player is credited with some intelligence by having to work out elementary skills on their own - such as casting a spell backwards to reverse its effect - without the aid of rubbish on-screen dialogue prompts, though these may have been contained in the original manual, but no one reads those anyway. I'm glad I finally played this game after spending most of my life wondering whether it genuinely existed or was just a bizarre LucasArts in-joke, and although it was a little disappointing, it was a great feeling to be absorbed in a scruffily pixellated graphic adventure again, even if it ended up eating away less days of my life than I had hoped for.
Advantages: Interesting concept and some classic adventure game shenanigans.
Disadvantages: Some puzzles are far too easy, and the gameplay becomes repetitive.
Marble Madness
Losing My Sanity, Again Again [Running gag in review titles, or just a Teletubbies reference for no reason?]
Written on 15.06.07
***
A classic frustrating release from Atari Games Corporation, ‘Marble Madness’ involves guiding a heavy glass marble across a raised course of obstacles and adversaries against the clock. The game is based on an isometric grid, viewing the events diagonally, a format later used by RPGs in the vein of ‘Diablo,’ and games boasting to be three-dimensional, such as the terrible ‘Sonic 3D’ which basically replaced the marble sprite with a hedgehog. Numerous tricky obstacles and enemies with varying degrees of intelligence and randomness attempt to impede your red marble’s innocent progress through the race, which can also be taken head-to-head with a second blue player, but the game generously provides an unlimited supply of lives/marbles, making the valuable seconds wasted on falling into oblivion, shattering from a short fall or being swallowed by weird green slimy slinky things the only concern.
This game is perfectly suited as a time filler between more serious exercises, as game length for the average player won’t exceed a few minutes. Each level is relatively short, though long and convoluted enough that the ‘goal’ won’t be in sight until the marble is almost on top of it, and as expected the difficulty increases between each of the six stages as nastier obstacles are introduced, while the sharpness of right angle U-turns and the gradient of narrow slopes are menacingly increased. The game is based largely on realistic physics, or rather programmer Michael Schwartz’s best attempt to replicate it; the exception being in the fourth level which intentionally inverts the gravity, and proceeds from the lowest point upwards, unlike the other five stages. The momentum certainly feels genuine, as the player very soon becomes accustomed to the implied heaviness of the marble, but there are a few too many inconsistencies to make it truly believable, particularly the way in which the marble smashes when rolled into a relatively narrow drop, but only becomes dazed when catapulted across the screen or bounced. The reproduction of gravity is authentic enough, as the marble rolls on its own momentum along tilted platforms, but this is nothing that contemporary pinball games hadn’t already cracked, especially those by Digital Illusions.
The title screen boasts a number of options to extend the lifespan of the game as far as possible, the most relevant of which is the two-player option. A competitive race, the game plays exactly as it does for one player, but now the ‘camera’ that usually follows player one will centre on whichever marble is in the lead. If the lagging marble ends up so far behind that it’s off the screen, sometimes occurring because the players decide to take different routes, it is simply zapped to a position near the leading marble and given a five second penalty. Each player has their own time limit and score on the top left and right corners of the screen, and the loser is removed from play after their time runs out, leaving the winner to continue the game as normal, making the loser watch in a bored manner. The two player game is more enjoyable than the single player and it’s great that it was incorporated in this competitive manner, rather than a turn-taking process that would be tedious and pointless. It’s not so much fun playing against your very young brother, but when players are evenly matched and confident it can be made as competitive or cooperative as they wish, with lots of swearing.
The original arcade game was based on a unique trackball, but in home versions, the only controls needed for the game are the four directional buttons left, right, up and down of a joypad, or the corresponding movements of a joystick or keyboard. A ‘start’ or fire button equivalent is only needed to get past the title screen and start the game, which requires only that the player move the marble in the eight directions of the compass, making extensive use of diagonal movements (pressing up and right at the same time, for instance). The controls soon become familiar, if frustrating and fiddly as the game intends, and I wouldn’t recommend the alternative ‘grid’ option for movement that can be selected from the title screen, as it requires the player to see through the angled perspective and control the game as if it were presented as a straight-on plan view. Difficulty can be changed between normal, easy and hard, the only difference being in the time granted to finish the first race (after the practice race): the normal game gives 75 seconds, the easy game 80 seconds, and the hard game only 60 seconds. The time limit of additional levels is calculated based on the time remaining at the end of the previous stage, making it a very tricky downward spiral for most players.
As with most games of the time, ability and success are measured primarily in points, the game asking for your name after you break the comparatively easy high score barrier of 14,500. Points are awarded simply for moving across the game screen, jumping up by 10 with each movement, but the biggest scores come from completing levels in impressive time. As all but the most competitive minded, maths-loving player will know, the real sense of satisfaction comes from beating the early levels and reaching previously unseen areas (often for about five seconds before the time runs out and it’s Game Over), and the varying colour schemes and layouts of each level give a strong incentive to see what’s coming next. Each stage, initially, brings new nasties, from the evil black marble that seems intent on bouncing the player into pits, often sacrificing its own life in kamikaze fashion to ensure its success, to the less destructible green slime that slithers its way around the floor, or slinks in a circle looking for marbles to pounce upon. Elsewhere, vacuum cleaners spring to attention without warning and suck down your entrails, vicious right angles make skidding to a halt impossible, and bouncers throw your momentum right off. Pipes, bridges and springs offer a dangerous helping hand.
The graphics themselves are very simplistic, seeming to use no more than 32 shades (this is just an uninformed guess, it could easily be 16) but animating the movements of the bright green enemies remarkably smoothly. It’s always easy to tell the enemies straight away, and although by its very nature the exact composition and angling of the grey floor can be a little harder to spot, it at least avoids the horrible bright colours found elsewhere in the game, especially the offensive turquoise. It seems that graphical limitations prevented the artists from taking a wholly realistic approach, introducing little gags like dizzy stars for a minor fall and a dustpan and brush hastily sweeping away the shattered remains for something more major, and it would have been nice to see something resembling a genuine marble run attempted. Similarly, the lifespan of the game would have been vastly extended if additional levels of the same difficulty were included that could be played instead, rather than the exact same order each time.
‘Marble Madness’ is a fast and fun puzzle game that likely exists in many forms for free on the internet today, so it’s a little strange to imagine paying twenty pounds or more for it in 1991. The artificial gravity and bouncy, rubbery walls make it more of an adrenaline-fuelled survival game than a simple race for no reason (or for points, which equates to no reason when playing on a read-only Sega cartridge that can’t save them), and like most games that offer a two-player option, it adds to the enjoyment. The last and certainly least aspect to cover is the game’s music and sound, fairly unimportant to the gameplay and probably composed by Steve Hayes at the last minute. The only major sound effects are the ‘wheee’ of the marble falling to its death, a sound that is repeated again and again as the levels become more difficult, along with some boings and smashes. The basic synthesised melodies are the usual puzzle game fair: oddly jolly sounding and distracting for the large part, especially in the orange ‘aerial’ level which features a repeated organ strike that’s really off-putting, and perhaps an error (I honestly can’t tell). Even though I almost always play the game on mute outside of this review, I still blame this irritating music for my lack of progress on that particular level. It’s the music’s fault I’m so rubbish.
Advantages: A timelessly fun and frustrating marble run survival game.
Disadvantages: Only lasts a few minutes, and has really annoying music.
The Secret of Monkey Island
Written on 24.11.03
*****
At a time when video game equivalents of Dungeons & Dragons style games were incredibly complex and dull, the 'point-n-click' genre leader "The Secret of Monkey Island" provided many eager game players with the opportunity to take part in a swashbuckling adventure.
The player takes on the role of Guybrush Threepwood, a pirate wannabe who isn't really cut out for anything. Guybrush has arrived at the seedy Melee Island with the premise of "seeking his fortune," and provided you stuck with it and weren't put off by the quality of the graphics or the frustration of getting stuck again and again, he eventually found... well, he had an adventure anyway.
The location exteriors and interiors were expertly drawn, really creating the atmosphere of a dingy island at first, before becoming much brighter and tropical for the later stages of the game. If you're interested in what any of it looks like, this was the first useful image gallery I found:
http://www.mobygames.com/game/shots/gameid,616/ [Fourteen-year-old URL actually works! (via redirect)]
The game's style, especially compared to modern day roleplaying games, was very linear in that the player basically had to do everything in order, but this simplicity is part of its appeal. Once within a general location there was room for freedom, but this was the main problem with games of this type. The value for money was incredible however, as I recently played right through it in around 5 hours round my friend's house and I already knew how to do virtually everything. First time round I shamedly had to resort to a hint guide at more than one occasion, but it didn't stop me enjoying the characters and the humour.
That's what was required in lengthy games of the early 1990s, plenty of attempted comedy to keep the player entertained. Monkey Island's excessive use of the tm trademark where unnecessary was only the start of its attempts to keep the entertainment level up, while I can't keep a straight face looking at the shrunken Navigator head when it cracks a cheesy joke and grins.
The game is split into four parts, the first and third being the only ones of considerable length and complexity, titled "The Three Trials," "The Journey," "Under Monkey Island" and "Guybrush Kicks Butt." You play the wisecracking character Guybrush, named due to the original filename of his image on the Amiga's Deluxe Paint program, "guy.brush," through the game where he encounters such fellow characters as his love Elaine Marley, Herman Toothrot, the Men of Low Moral Fiber, Bob the skeleton and the evil Ghost Pirate LeChuck. Guybrush plans to kill LeChuck to rescue Elaine, but it's a bit of a problem as he's already dead. An uncomplicated story line which is very fun to follow, especially as it leads to new locations. The musical score is great and really fits the game, which was produced by Lucasfilm.
Monkey 1 will not have the same ability to entertain the younger players of today, although it may be a title worth considering for the older player. [I was still in school when I wrote this.] I know that if I had an office job with a bit of slack, it'd be one of the games I'd sneak to work to keep myself amused. [Good that I've exceeded my low ambitions.] Simple to pick up and play, but often very difficult; it's also often hard to remember where you were up to if your save game has been left for a while. This was my favourite computer game for years, and was definitely an important milestone in the videogame industry. For the Amiga at least.
The game spawned the sequel "Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge," which followed the same format but was less interesting and atmospheric, and the later PC releases "The Curse of Monkey Island" and "Escape from Monkey Island." I personally finds these high-graphics sequels far less enjoyable as the original style was the perfect way to go. Since the characters actually have voices in these latter two it's also a lot more easy to find Guybrush getting on your nerves, as his accent is more annoying than his previous white text.
Advantages: Inspiring and immovative
Disadvantages: It's very old now, and I'm sure my enjoyment is around 90% nostalgia-based [Not true]
Written on 17.07.06
****
LucasArts’ not-very-long-awaited sequel to the critically acclaimed ‘The Secret of Monkey Island’ is every bit the equal of its predecessor. In fact, it’s practically and technically identical, relying and making very few improvements upon the original’s style. But these were the days of simplistic point-n-click ‘adventure games,’ nothing like the complex RPGs that consume whole months of players’ lives today. Changing the backgrounds, characters and plot was enough to make for a completely different game, and the complexity and enjoyment level were determined by the ability and ingenuity of the writers. Ron Gilbert was the clear leader of the genre.
Monkey Island 2 (excitingly sub-titled ‘Le Chuck’s Revenge!’) is controlled by one player in the customary point-n-click manner. The player controls Guybrush Threepwood, a naïve but sarcastic self-made pirate hero, who can be moved around the static area screens with the control panel at the bottom of the screen set to the automatic ‘Walk to’ command. Guybrush can interact with the environment and other characters by selecting the relevant command from the control panel, including options ‘Talk to,’ ‘Use,’ ‘Give,’ ‘Pick up,’ ‘Push,’ ‘Pull’ and ‘Wear’ among others. Gameplay is fairly vast, and consumes many hours even for experienced players who already know the solutions to the puzzles, and the correct order in which to do them. For newcomers it can take weeks, months or perhaps even years, and for this reason a save game feature is handily included.
Following his heroic defeat of the Ghost Pirate LeChuck, Guybrush Threepwood has been exploring backwater islands of the Caribbean in search of the legendary treasure ‘Big Whoop!’ Unfortunately, he’s somehow wound up on the depressing Scabb Island, where all the native pirates are forced to sit around toasting marshmallows due to an embargo placed on ship traffic by the island’s sleazy, pint-sized governer of sorts, Largo LaGrande. Feeling heroic once more, and accidentally losing all the wealth he’d managed to accrue prior to the game, Guybrush decides it’s his duty to sort out this Largo guy. But things become more terrifying, sinister and sequel-like when it becomes clear that Largo is merely the puppet of the resurrected Zombie Pirate LeChuck, who is also after Big Whoop and wants revenge against Guybrush. Guybrush must kill LeChuck again, searching the Tri-Island region for the ancient map pieces that will lead him to the bounty. The problem is, LeChuck’s dead already. But that didn’t stop Guybrush last time.
As both a sequel and an independent release, Monkey Island 2 is an excellent adventure game, certainly one of the best made along with the first Monkey Island, AdventureSoft’s ‘Simon the Sorcerer’ and Revolution’s ‘Beneath a Steel Sky.’ It’s technically playable by people of all ages, though the very young (or, contrastingly, very old) may need help deciphering the logic of some courses of action. In truth, everyone’s going to get stuck in the game pretty often. Unlike some bad adventure games (I’m reminded of ‘Simon the Sorcerer 2: The Lion, the Wizard and the Wardrobe’), all of the puzzles here make logical sense and are relevant to advancing the plot, they aren’t merely there to make use of extraneous items. Of course, there are a fair few red herrings along the way to keep gameplay more open-ended, but this is primarily a linear game. The freedom lies in the player’s disgression of which island (Booty or Phatt) to play through first.
The control panel of verbs may put people off at first, but once players settle into it, it’s very straightforward and becomes familiar. This so-called ‘SCUMM’ system is a huge step above the frustrating text formats of earlier games, where commands had to be typed (and typed precisely) in order to work. Guybrush’s inventory is represented by pictograms here, unlike the simpler text descriptions of the first game, but all items can be thoroughly examined through the ‘Look at’ command to uncover hints at their application. Another very handy feature is that the control panel doesn’t need to be visited all that often, as highlighting the desired interactive object or character in the playing field will semi-highlight the most likely option from the bottom, for example ‘Talk to’ if it’s another character, or ‘Open’ if it’s a closed door or chest. Right-clicking the mouse acts upon these suggestions.
The graphics are of the same style used in the first game, but lose something of the simplistic charm in their over-the-top shading and attempted attention to detail. Unfortunately, the 16-bit (or 8-bit depending on the format) graphics aren’t enough to really distinguish whether that’s a beard around Guybrush’s mouth, or just some brown mess he’s made. The game features a few, very few animated sequences that are nicely done, but almost entirely takes place in the ‘playing field’ window that dominates the screen. Every so often, after the player accomplishes something particularly noteworthy, the control panel will vanish and brief cut-scenes of character dialogue take place to advance the plot. Locations are nicely detailed, and it’s always clear exactly what everything is, and where the all-important exits are. The change of locations from island to island, and then to other, more / less exotic locations like LeChuck’s fortress (which is foreshadowed nicely in cut-scenes) keep things from getting dull, and at least avoid the ‘Melee Island depression’ of the first game, in which only one island was playable at a time.
As with the first game, the music here is excellent, and is primarily composed by Michael Land. Primitive synthesised pirate tunes won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but you may be surprised. In fact, the CD version of the game featured music specially recorded that’s playable even on a home stereo. This isn’t a John Williams score or anything, so there’s not much in the way of specific character themes overlapping and carrying underlying meaning, but each of the islands has its specific, relevant theme: Booty Island sounds French and fun, while Phatt Island sounds silly and farty. The game’s once again let down by poor sound effects, all sounding irritatingly chirpy on the rare occasions that they’re necessary. Just be sure not to play this game on a low-spec PC, as the game opts to play sounds through the computer’s internal speaker in these instances, leading to some truly horrible results. 16-bit synthesised pirate music is one thing: special, nostalgic, even beautiful. Discordant bleeps unstoppably emitting at loud volume from a computer you mistakenly believed to be your friend is another.
Walkthrough solutions have always been available for Monkey Island 2, both from LucasArts itself, which actually features in the game in a strange, anachronistic scene in which Guybrush phones the company for help, or in magazines and, more recently, on the internet. This is a cult game that’s still readily available, often in a double pack with the first, superior Monkey Island game or similar titles. Fans of the first game will be happy to see the return of familiar faces, but these nostalgia trips aren’t severe enough to put off newcomers by making them feel that they’ve missed out. They have though: Monkey Island 1 was a lot better.
The second game may not live up to the first, many of the puzzles simply seeming like re-hashes of previous ideas, but it’s a nice continuation, and the storyline and witty dialogue are far better than the childish humour that dominates the sequels. The PC version comes on a CD, whether accompanied by other games or not, and the original Amiga version was spread over an insane total of 11 floppy disks, plus whatever the player used for a save disk. Thankfully, these disks weren’t copy-protected and could be backed up, and the game could be transferred to the hard drive to avoid the annoying disk-swapping that would otherwise only be possible by buying 10 additional floppy drives. Depends how much you like the game, I guess.
Michael Land’s two-disc musical score can be downloaded free of charge from ScummBar. http://www.scummbar.com//resources/downloads/index.php?todo=MP3 [Blow me down, it still works.]
Advantages: Entertaining and intelligent, nice graphics and sound, funny dialogue
Disadvantages: Nothing new after the first game, can be frustrating at times
Mortal Kombat
Written on 11.10.07
***
I was never much good at arcade fighting games, or in fact any game that didn’t involve repeatedly guiding a cute cartoon animal or egg across floating platforms from left to right, but Midway’s ‘Mortal Kombat’ series unusually captivated me when it was obtained for my much-loved Amiga 1200 in the mid-90s. Designed as an arcade competitor to Capcom’s ‘Street Fighter’ in a similar way to the Mario and Sonic rivalry of home video game consoles, Mortal Kombat relied on extreme violence and purported realism to win over simple-minded arcade junkies and young gore-obsessed freaks playing reclusively in their home at 32 Ashley Meadow, Haslington, Cheshire (or, you know, anywhere).
Mortal Kombat achieved a fair degree of notoriety for its apparently unprecedented violence that only added to its appeal, coming along just as graphical capabilities became capable of rendering something resembling a real human being ready and willing to spray large amounts of bright red blood upon the slightest blow from an assailant. Crucial to this realism was the novel idea of using real digitised photos of actors for the character sprites, as opposed to the cartoon style or attempted, unsuccessful realism of other contemporary games. This ended up looking a lot better than it perhaps sounds, as the 16-bit graphics were able to successfully capture the profiles and limited movements of the game’s actors and sole actress and incorporate them into the character selection screen, the mini-games and most importantly, the main game itself. The animation of these moves is fairly limited, with actions such as a kick or punch consisting of no more than four stills of each actor being photographed in a slightly different position, but it gives a great and original graphical style to this game that continued into the sequels.
As for the violence itself, the game is set in an ‘Enter the Dragon’/’Tekken’ style Oriental arena where competitors fight to the death, and as such involved various acts of extreme violence, particularly in the option to execute special and comically violent ‘Fatality’ moves unique to each character to deliver the final blow (Sub-Zero’s finishing move, for example, involved ripping the head off his opponent, which brought the dangling spinal cord along with it, while others involved incineration). Anyone with a sense of humour, or in fact any sense at all in being able to discern between a 16-bit arcade game and the real, high-def world, will be able to take these extreme and often fantastical acts with a pinch of salt (ouch), and although the more realistic kicks and punches all look convincing, based as they are on real life models, the bright blood and inferior quality sound effects make it clear that this is just a game. In fact, even when this genre received the 3-D treatment with ‘Mortal Kombat IV’ and the early ‘Tekken’ releases, the characters were all too clearly composed of angular polygons. Other moves caused controversy for slightly different reasons, most memorably Johnny Cage’s so-called ‘package check’ that directs his fist towards a specific part of the characters’ anatomy. This move doesn’t work against Sonya, for some reason that my Dad still won’t tell me, but obviously finds amusing. I am so innocent.
Compared to its immediate sequel, the first Mortal Kombat appears quite disappointing, with less arenas (though these are all pretty much the same, and only different cosmetically) and only half as many playable characters with far fewer special moves, also leading to a shorter playing experience on the whole as the player ascends the ladder defeating each computer-controlled opponent before facing off against the four-armed Goro (still based on digitised photos, this time of a clay miniature) and the overlord Shang Tsung. The characters represent a fair range of types, all of which handle exactly the same, as the series still lacks complexity at this early stage: the only real difference comes in each character’s unique special moves, and of course the player’s personal preference. The human characters are Liu Kang (Ho Sung Pak, who also plays Shang Tsung), essentially a Bruce Lee character with a backstory to match; Johnny Cage (Daniel Pesina), an arrogant Hollywood type who fights in indestructible sunglasses; and Sonya Blade (Elizabeth Malecki), the tough b**** Special Forces commando – and of course, the game’s only woman. Keeping up the fantasy side of things are the cyborg Kano (Richard Divizio); the magical masked ninjas Scorpion and Sub-Zero (both also played by Pesina), armed with a harpoon and ice enchantment respectively; and the Thunder God Raiden (Carlos Pesina), who could easily waste them all with his electrifying powers but elects to tone down his abilities for the contest, or something like that. There is a vague storyline and background for each character explained in the manual, and in a brief text finale upon completing the game, but this is the sort of game where the plot is beyond secondary – it’s not even duodenary.
The Amiga port of the game suffers from inferior graphics to the original arcade version due to the compression onto floppy disks, as do the console cartridge versions, but it fortunately lacks the family-friendly editing applied to the butchered Nintendo version. The game is controlled by the joystick in an adaptation of the original arcade stick and buttons, with left and right moving towards and away from the opponent (also necessary for executing special combo moves), the joystick up acting as the ‘jump’ button, and down similarly acting as crouch, allowing for some lower ground-based varieties of the standard moves. The joystick’s fire button controls all the kicks, punches and combo variations (blocking if pressing away and fire, or down and fire for that ever-so-handy uppercut), and an options screen allows the player to choose their difficulty setting, which includes ‘Very Easy’ for wusses and ‘Very Hard’ for show-offs. The game is a little awkward to control with the joystick at first, especially in comparison to the console joypad versions (though players could easily buy an Amiga joypad), but on the whole the Amiga version was an impressive reproduction of the original, and obviously a whole lot cheaper and more relaxed.
Despite its simplistic, retro fun, the original ‘Mortal Kombat’ suffers from its age, having been usurped within a few years by three-dimensional equivalents in the form of ‘Tekken’ particularly, and as such it feels very primitive and lacking in a way that games of other, more unique styles such as the ever-reliable 2-D platformer never have. The graphics were exceptional for the time, and the music a fairly enjoyable and appropriate series of Oriental melodies, but as soon as ‘Mortal Kombat II’ came along there became very little reason to play this inferior predecessor. It’s important as a piece of video game history, and was integral in spurring angry parents towards forming the Entertainment Software Rating Board and age ratings for games, but otherwise it is of little interest today. Makes you wonder why I’m reviewing it, doesn’t it?
Advantages: Exciting evolution for arcade beat-em-ups.
Disadvantages: Badly dated and extremely limited.
Mortal Kombat II
Written on 21.07.06
****
The sequel to the hit arcade fighting game ‘Mortal Kombat’ did everything a good sequel should do: improve upon the original, expand the series’ potential, and stand alone as an independent game. Developed for arcades by Probe in 1993, and released on home console / computer formats in 1994, Mortal Kombat II held its own in the face of increasing competition on both formats, most notably from the ‘Street Fighter’ series.
Although very similar in premise and gameplay to its rivals, Mortal Kombat II achieved popularity for its addictive two-player option and replay value, aided by the comparably vast selection of playable characters available. The game’s emphasis on (attempted) realism through the graphics led to more graphic violence than was common for video games of the time, as graphic capabilities continued to evolve. As expected, this led to a difference of opinion among young players and their over-protective parents.
The premise of Mortal Kombat II is similar to its later three-dimensional successor, the ‘Tekken’ series, and is evidently inspired by the Bruce Lee film ‘Enter the Dragon.’ Competitors have been gathered from across the globe to compete in a series of brutal, one-on-one matches for their lives. In one-player mode, the player selects a character and proceeds up a figurative mountain of competitors in the form of the other playable characters, the final battles being with the mighty Kintaro and the mysterious Shao Khan.
There are twelve playable characters this time round, twice as many as in the first game, although most of the old faces return and some of the new ones are similar enough as to be considered pretty identical and interchangeable. The masked ninjas Scorpion and Sub-Zero are supplemented with the third ninja Reptile, capable of green acid attacks and telepathy, and as with the new female faces Mileena and Kitana, these characters are visually identical in all but their colours. The Bruce Lee rip-off Liu Kang, heavyweight Jax, bandit Kung Lao and Hollywood scoundrel Johnny Cage represent the more human side of things against the mutant Baraka and the thunder god Rayden (thunder’s the flashing electrical stuff, right?). The disappointing enemy Shang Tsung from the first game is now a playable grunt like the rest.
Mortal Kombat II learns from its predecessor, resulting in a vastly improved playing experience. As usual, victory is achieved by attacking the opponent until his, her or its health bar is reduced to zero and they are either knocked unconscious or, as the second best-of-three round permits, destroyed in all manner of grisly ways. This time round there are no distracting mini-games, and the score system has been completely removed due to its irrelevance. The Amiga version of the game boots from three floppy disks, and gameplay is controlled entirely with the joystick or joypad, exempting additional keyboard commands to pause the game and enter cheat codes. In the two-dimensional environment, characters can be moved left and right, thus towards or away from the opponent, as well as being able to jump and duck. The fire button controls arm and leg actions; advanced moves and special attacks are carried out through a combination of joystick waggling and button bashing.
The primary fun of this game comes in the two player rounds, as long as both you and your competing friend, relative or arch enemy are of a comparable standard. The number of continues can be set up to a maximum of 30, and round time is still automatically set to 99 seconds. Unless you’re playing two-player with a complete coward this is always going to be far more than enough time in which to kill or be killed. The one-player game has the advantage of unlocking secret characters and levels, as well as the satisfaction of completing a personal quest, but can still prove fairly daunting even with the game difficulty set to a feeble ‘very easy’ standard. As such, two-player is more fun and can even provide an arena in which to test out a character’s special moves and fatal blows without an Amiga-controlled character relentlessly jumping in your face.
As mentioned earlier, the Mortal Kombat series strives for realism, and this is enhanced by the photographic style of the characters. All proportions are anatomically correct for humans, unlike the cartoon style of Street Fighter, and the shading and realistic faces are evidently based on photographic actors. The blood itself isn’t too realistic, and the primitive sound effects aren’t going to have anyone wincing, but the violence itself may be a cause for concern. The backdrops are all rendered quite nicely and there are enough of them in rotation that it never becomes too repetitive, but the limited colour palette in some areas does lead to some visible errors of colour bleeding and substitution.
There are some nice touches to the sound beyond the suitable but unimpressive oriental music score, primarily in the sampling of a booming voice that commands and commends the characters appropriately, especially in the lethal command to ‘finish him!’ Mortal Kombat II expands massively upon the special fatality moves of the first game, providing hours of fun as codes are tried out to make the characters kill each other in really horrible ways. As well as the fatalities, players can cause ‘babalities’ (turning the defeated opponent into a miniature baby version of itself) and the ridiculous but entertaining ‘friendship’ in which all is forgiven and the loser is given a nice present, rather than having his, her or its arms ripped off by Jax.
Mortal Kombat II is a classic beat-em-up that’s a lot of fun, but one that’s really been usurped by its more impressive three-dimensional successors. The game suffers for its limitations such as the basic similarity of all the characters beyond a few individualised tricks, and for the fact that some very simple moves, such as the ever-popular uppercut punch, are incredibly easy to perform and are very damaging, while more complex special moves may not be worth the effort. The Amiga version is particularly annoying for its constant disk-swapping, although this can be avoided if the computer has three floppy drives, which was common in the early 90s. The game couldn’t be loaded onto the hard drive, and this lack of virtual memory meant that some edits had to be made from the superior console versions, mainly additional graphical touches such as animated backgrounds. The joystick was also a little difficult to handle in comparison to joypads or the classic arcade set-up, but this computer version was nevertheless an enormously popular, now enormously dated fighting game.
Advantages: Fast 1 or 2 player fun, with a variety of characters and special abilities
Disadvantages: Too repetitive. Doesn't hold up to modern equivalents
Ms. Pac-Man
PacMan's Sex Change
Written on 27.11.03
***
The very premise of writing a review on a 1980s arcade game, which can be easily downloaded in any number of formats, may seem a little silly and unnecessary however this is not the case: it is good. You probably only read this review because the title had 'sex' in it anyway.
The early 1982 arcade game PacMan, released by the retro genius company Namco, must be familiar to a large proportion of the world's citizens. The purpose was to guide a yellow disc man around a blue maze to eat all of the pill-shaped items in order to advance to the next level which looked quite similar. The adversaries of PacMan were four brightly coloured and occasionally surprisingly intelligent ghosts who could make him evaporate with a single touch, however the true genius and fun of the game came from eating the large pills in the far corners of the level; in plot twist worthy of the finest authors, Pac was now able to consume the attacking ghouls for a limited time and get his revenge.
Whether the game was an attempt to depict the dangerous yet exciting life of a twentieth century drug addict being pursued by the law or a rival street gang, or whether it was just easy to show something eating dots rather than more difficult to draw food, is unclear, however one thing is certain: Ms. PacMan was exactly the same game, except "she has a bow in her hair" (Noah Vanderhoff, Wayne's World).
Now anyone who had an Amiga, Commodore, Amiga, Spectrum, Atari, Amiga, Amstrad or any of the early computers such as the Amiga will likely have possessed at least four different rip-offs of PacMan, all of which had been made in the late 1980s or early 1990s and were a lot better in terms of level design and enjoyment. I personally played PacMan Deluxe, MouthMan and even Jungle Jim on a regular basis, however it was not until recently that I had the opportunity to try Ms. PacMan, the official sequel to the original.
I was very disappointed with this game as far from being a definitive successor in its own right it was the exact same game where everything just looked a little different. The monsters' eyes and colours had been slightly modified from the red, orange, pink and blue of the original while the female PacMan looked very poor indeed. Where her featureless husband had presented an easy character with which to play, Ms Pacman's heavily made-up eye, lips and cheek distract from the gameplay and do not fit well on to the yellow face. Even the animations between every level pair are the same, while the fact that she is a female has no effect on the gameplay whatsoever. An interesting twist and plot should have been added to the end of the game, in which it turns out that Mr PacMan was simply masquerading as a female by putting on unconvincing make-up; as I have never completed this game I'm not sure whether Namco may have already set up this shocker conclusion. This difficulty is certainly a feature common to many arcade games as they are often very addictive due to their difficulty and avant-garde style. That's right, I used 'avant-garde'.
Overall, still a very fun and classic game, however the modification of PacMan into a woman seems irrelevant and highly distracting. Not in a sexual way though, I didn't mean that.
Advantages: The original was innovative and highly enjoyable
Disadvantages: This is exactly the same, yet worse
Oddworld: Abe's Oddysee
Dare to be Different
Written on 04.07.00
***
Abe's Odysee dares to try out the old-fashioned genre of two-dimensional platforming which at first seems strange, but eventually you forget as it's just so enjoyable.
While taking a while to get into the real action, it's fun to explore the strange world Abe lives in, although some parts do seem too hard, and need a bit too precise handling to be accomplished.
The amazing animated sequences every so often are also breathtaking, and the game's also funny. the first time you see Abe talk to a fellow Mudokon and hear the lines, "Hello." "Hello." "Follow me." "Okay," it's hysterical. their voices are so high-pitched, they sound like babies underwater.
The enemies and other creatures are also very well drawn, and the game is satisfyingly large. There are also two endings, adding the element that you have to rescue enough Mudokons to "properly" win it, much like you need all the Chaos Emeralds to "properly" win the old Mega Drive Sonic games. [The only time I ever correctly spaced out 'Mega Drive.' These shorter reviews are much more readable too. Clearly it was all downhill from 14.]
Overall, a very funny and lengthy game that is well worth the money.
Advantages: Long and thought-provoking.
Disadvantages: Some parts are too tricky, and it seems a little too old-fashioned.
Oscar
The Voice in My Head
Written on 19.06.04
***
(A mobile classroom in Cheshire, circa 1993)
“Thanks everybody!”
What was that? Oh, must have been my mind. That was a bit strange, ha ha. Oh well, on with my work on the Anglo Saxons or whatever it was I did in year three.
“Bonus letter!”
That had to be a person that time… no, everyone’s just doing their work on the Anglo Saxons, as I mentioned just then. I’ll just carry on colouring in this longboat and stuff.
“Find the clapperboard”
Oh no, there’s no hiding it any more: I’m going strange. I’m hearing voices from a computer game in my eight-year-old head, I am losing it.
Produced by Flair Design, Oscar was another attempt by a video game manufacturer to entice younger players through the use of an attitude-possessing animal, although to be fair there were many original ideas; for a start the character was not particularly likeable and was reasonably grotesque, but this gave him a distinct character as he was played through different genres of film (and television) in a large cinema complex. There was nothing inherently special about Oscar, but as it was the first computer game I ever played it will always hold a special place in my mind (not my heart, that’s just veiny muscle).
STYLE & GAMEPLAY
Oscar was an Amiga and PC platform game, and as such shared a common control method and layout with most other platform games of the time. The joystick, or keyboard if you were desperate, could move Oscar left and right, the forward ‘up’ position making him jump and the back ‘down’ position causing him to duck. The fire button performed tasks such as starting the game and selecting ‘OK,’ but during play it could only control Oscar’s weapon, the yo-yo, when it was collected. The layout of the levels was clearly given a lot of attention as there is a fair degree of variety between the different stages, which was perhaps one of the reasons that this game was offered in several promotional packs for the Amiga 1200 and CD32.
On each level, Oscar’s goal was to collect all of the small Oscar trophies and then proceed to the clapperboard where a director would announce ‘Cut!’ (ha ha). The enemies were fairly repetitive and based on very similar principles in each stage – a mixture of flying menaces and larger, wandering beasts, all of which would move in a very basic, set path. Variety was added through the bonuses and power-ups that Oscar could collect from the many film canisters; although these mostly contained simple ‘treasure,’ ‘food’ and ‘points’ that were added up after the end of the level, a number of special items could be found on each stage. Picking one up would cancel out any currently being used, but many simply wore off quite quickly in any case and as such some strategic thinking could be required. Not too much though obviously, it was only ‘Oscar’:
Yo-yo – Oscar’s weapon of choice, this could be swung at enemies or used to swing across platforms to provide access to areas otherwise unreachable. It could also smash obvious blocks, and was the only use of the ‘fire’ button during gameplay.
Wings – These allowed Oscar to float upwards and across to any destination for about thirty to sixty seconds.
Shield – Invincibility for a limited time, although pitfalls such as drowning and literal pit falls were still lethal.
Invisibility – With a vocal comment of “I’m invisible,” Oscar would become undetectable for a brief period. Note that this is a useless and avoidable item, considering every enemy is on a pre-programmed path and thus it only causes frustration when trying to jump over gaps.
Springy shoes – A much higher and nicer feeling jump that would soon wear off.
Bonus / Bogus letters – On most levels, the individual letters B, O, N, U, S and G could be collected. Spelling ‘BONUS’ would lead the player to a bonus level after that stage, while accidentally collecting the ‘G’ and the ‘BOUS’ letters and failing to replace it with an ‘N’ would lead to the bogus level where the player dies if they don’t reach the end in time. It looked nicer though.
STAGES
Accessed from the cinema lobby, there are seven levels each comprising three stages each. Unlike some similar games there are no ‘boss’ enemies, although bonus levels can be played after completion of each area.
Sci-Fi - An obvious but necessary choice, this level is perhaps the most difficult. Influenced heavily by films such as ‘Alien’ and ‘Forbidden Planet’ rather than something like Star Trek or Doctor Who. Oscar is kitted out in ‘cyberpunk’ gear, I expect, which consist of sunglasses (sorry, I mean shades) and a sparkly trench-coat thing.
Horror - One of the most visually appealing and diverse levels, this features large castles that can be wandered into and explored as well as a lot of underwater sections that have nice backgrounds. Oscar is dressed as Dracula or something, but the enemies are all very fun – there’s even a Frankingstein.
Cartoon - A little irritating and featuring the most annoying enemies in the form of rapid and very small wasps, this sees Oscar retaining his T-shirt, shorts and cap from the foyer.
Western - The first level I completed, this level has been designed very well and never gets tiresome considering it’s mainly deserts and saloons and things. Some unexpected underwater bits as well; I feel like playing this now actually.
War - Interesting but also dull due to the decision of making this a black-and-white level, although this is contrasted with Oscar and the nice backdrops (which are in full colour). A bit depressing and with too many falling platforms to be that entertaining, this is still quite good.
Game Show - Personally I can’t see myself going to a cinema to watch a game show, but Flair Design obviously see things differently. Or they just ran out of film genres. This is my least favourite level as the red and blue colour scheme gets very dull, as do the ever-present signs and game show motifs.
Prehistoric - Owing more to the Flintstones than Jurassic Park, this is nonetheless a fun outdoor level after the claustrophobic previous ones. It also has the silliness of the cartoon level, which is nice.
THE ‘TROLLS’ FACTOR
As much as I thoroughly enjoyed (and still occasionally play) ‘Oscar,’ there is a large factor that unfortunately counts against it in terms of unoriginality: it is an almost direct rip-off of Flair’s own, slightly earlier game ‘Trolls,’ starring those purple-haired monstrous dolls that girls used to have in their rooms for some weird reason. The graphics and sound are almost identical, the only changes being in the more three dimensional rendering of Oscar’s platforms and backgrounds and the sound effects of Oscar’s voice – the principle earlier referred to as ‘bung-bung-BOING!’ to dispatch enemies is exactly the same, as are the Big Red Elephants used as save points, although a Pig Stop was used in place of a clapperboard.
Just when you thought it couldn’t get any less original, even the collectables in terms of mundane food, treasure and point items and the special bonuses were exactly the same (right down to the yo-yo) and a number of baby Trolls needed to be collected instead of miniature Oscars. Essentially it was the exact same game, only a little less enjoyable and more of a cash-in to whoever thought it was clever to bring out Troll dolls.
VERDICT
As it was released in 1992, this game obviously can’t compare to modern releases in terms of graphics or versatility, but it’s still very enjoyable and rivals most of the platform games of the time, except perhaps the more popular Sonic and Mario series. The first game I really got into in a big way, to the extent of hearing the lead character’s voice in my addled mind even when several miles away from the Amiga, Oscar will always be a special and particularly enjoyable game for me to play, but the fact that Flair have basically brought out a re-working of their ‘Trolls’ game does invalidate it a little.
The only flaws in the game were that it could occasionally be far too hard to pass specific objects – I spent several frustrated days trying to work a way around a spike section in the horror level, and it took months before I could even get onto the second stage of Sci-Fi – and the game took a very, very long time to load from the floppy disks, mainly due to the high quality of the graphics. The lack of any bosses at the end of levels provided something of an anticlimax, but Oscar was a straightforward game that I am happy to have enjoyed. And anyway, it beat the pathetic cash-in game of the film ‘Dennis’ that also came with my Amiga 1200 Desktop Dynamite pack.
Thankfully I no longer hear Oscar’s voice inside my head, although I do still hear the whimpers of the McCrae children every night as I fall to sleep. It’s almost as if they don’t appreciate being locked up in the fun cupboard being intravenously fed and laughed at. Excessive playing of computer games in childhood officially has no permanent mental side-effects.
Advantages: Very fun and well designed, Good graphics and sound features, My first game
Disadvantages: Unbelievable similarity to 'Trolls', Some noticable features lacking
Paperboy
Rockin' the Suburbs
Written on 05.10.05
***
However simplistic, cheap-looking and frustrating to play, Tengen's 'Paperboy' remains one of the more memorable Amiga games I struggled through as a child. Devoid of a plot or any kind of versatility in gameplay from the onset, Paperboy sees a young boy attempting to deliver newspapers to an American suburban community that seems bent on destroying him and his little bike.
GAMEPLAY & CONTROLS
Paperboy is played from an aerial view that begins looking down from the left, becomes a central birdseye view in the middle of the stage and shifts to the right for the third part. The Amiga joystick moves Paperboy's bike left or right, and can speed up or slow down by pushing forwards or pulling back.
But Paperboy is, thankfully, much more than a simplified BMX simulator; the joystick's fire trigger, coupled with a shove to the left or right, will release one of the precious 'Daily Bugle' newspapers to serve the customer or cause havoc. If Paperboy is hit by an obstacle, kerb or thrown missile he falls off his bike and pulls a grumpy face, and the player loses a life. Lose all three lives and the newspaper cover declares 'Stop Press: Paperboy Fired!' You must then begin all over again.
If the player makes it through a level relatively unscathed, they will be rewarded with a bizarre obstacle course than can be completed for bonus points. If you are hit during this stage, as you often will be, Paperboy loses no lives but there is no opportunity to resume the course - play jumps to the next day.
DELIVERIES
Successfully aiming and hitting a mailbox leads to a chime and the player receiving 250 points, while a less accurate hit of a door receives a more modest 100 points. Either way, a delivery has been made and the customer will remain loyal the following day unless Paperboy smashes their windows at the same time. Breaking the windows of non-subscribers (who initially inhabit the run-down ghetto areas with broken TVs and brick-throwers in the front garden, as some kind of weird message about early 90s society) is encouraged and awarded with points.
Points are also awarded for every act of paper vandalism, ranging from releasing a roasting chicken from its oven to dropping a car bonnet on a bloke's head and hosing sunbathers, no matter where their loyalties lie. Delivering every newspaper on a day results in a 'perfect delivery' message and extra life, before play resumes on the slightly more speedy next day.
VERDICT
Paperboy embodies everything that is pointless about early video games. The sequel added little of interest aside from a random level generator, new contrived situations and the unsophisticated 'Papergirl' option which involved colouring the Paperboy sprite slightly differently and adding longer, red hair.
Not a game that deserves to be recognised so long after fading from shelves, although the premise is a fairly original and certainly memorable one. Gameplay was difficult and frustrating, but certainly addictive for a limited time as new discoveries wait to be made. Features such as stopping the runaway baby and knocking out the burglar add a sense of trigger-happy satisfaction, and I'm sure less than five newspaper-missile atrocities were influenced by this severely dated game.
Pinball Dreams
[Insert Testicle Based Pun]
Written on 04.06.04
***
Pinball machine emulators in general are a genre of computer game that have dated very little in terms of design and control, and the modern PC versions still have much in common with Gametek's classic release 'Pinball Dreams.' Four themed tables with a variety of modes and options made this a best-seller in 1990 on the PC, Amiga and other contemporary computers, however there were still a number of major problems: for a start, it was too hard.
STYLE
The tables are viewed from directly above, which can cause a little confusion in terms of the gravity and the ball's abilities at first, but this also allows for a clear view of every part of the table that the ball is currently occupying. The screen scrolled vertically up and down when necessary, and in my opinion this made it a lot easier to get an overall view of the table than the view favoured by more modern pinball games, based on the player's view at a real-life pinball table looking up the slope.
The same basic features apply to each table: the ball is released with a spring and controlled by the flippers, being shot through chutes and against different forms of bumper in order to score points. Modes could be activated to allow for even greater score possibilities, but there were constant threats in the form of gaps at the bottom of the table: one at each side, and the infamous opening in the middle between the flippers.
CONTROLS
The controls are brilliantly straightforward and very easy to get used to. The F1 to F4 keys are used to select the table (exiting tables to play on others can be done through the usual 'Esc' key), and once the table has loaded, F1 to F8 selects the number of players. Contrary to my misguided childish beliefs, there is no benefit to selecting eight players each time for a longer game by yourself: it is far less confusing, and more convenient, to press F1 each time your three balls are lost.
The keys that will receive the most abuse are the ones controlling the flippers, the left and right 'Alt' keys. The Windows keys can also be used (substituted for the Amiga keys on that machine) but this always brings with it the possibility of the start menu popping up so I try and avoid this when possible.
The spring is pulled back with the down cursor key, and if you are a fool you can press the left or right 'Shift' keys to shake the table. This is never necessary, as the ball cannot be trapped accidentally on this game, and will result in a tilt if you do it a couple of times. Personally, I think they included this option to try and be funny. At least it worked, it could also be used as a threat when noticing your brother is playing the game.
TABLES
The four tables are all similar in design, but incorporate their themes into the shape and function of the tables.
1. IGNITION
A predominantly red and grey table, this features a large rocket ship motif, in the style of science fiction from the likes of Ray Bradbury, and has a large arcing section at the top in which the word 'WARP' can be gradually spelled. Possibly the easiest table in terms of survival, but it's not clear exactly why; as long as the player keeps the ball towards the top end there is far less risk of 'death.' Compared to the other tables it does seem a little bland and uninteresting though.
2. STEEL WHEEL
My favourite table for its upbeat style, this is based on the rather untraditional theme of Wild West postal service, or at least that's what it seems to be. Enjoyable simulated banjo music makes it an appealing table to play again and again, and although it takes some time it eventually becomes clear which routes and directions to take in order to score the most points. A lot of stampeding sound effects and musical jingles add incentive to scoring jackpots, which are all the more satisfying for them.
3. BEAT BOX
The brightest and most colourful table, this music-based board is difficult to crack in terms of realising exactly which over-illuminated paths to aim for. The sound effects, presumably based on samples found in the dance music that young people like to listen to, does get very tedious in its poor sound quality, and overall this is probably my least favourite track. Even 'Ignition' held the possibility of seeing some space-based antics with the higher points, but there is very little appeal in hitting buffers in order to raise the position of my 'single' here.
4. NIGHTMARE
This game began the very effective tradition of making the fourth table a horror-based outing, something which the nine-year-old me may have enjoyed a little too much. Being the first it is less professional and more limited than the later 'Stones 'n' Bones' and the incredibly addictive 'Night of the Demon' from Slamtilt, but the antiquated horror music makes it fun, as do the creaking and atmospheric sound effects. The drawback to this table is that it is clearly designed to be very , very difficult, and even the spring doesn't shoot the ball right to the top this time. A table for the professionals.
VERDICT
As this game essentially cracked the virtual pinball machine and very effectively converted the original controls onto the keyboard it automatically receives high praise, but compared to genuine hands-on pinball machines it's obviously not as impressive. Then again, no one buys a stealth flight simulator and complains that they didn't feel the wind rushing through their hair.
As is the case with many games, the original inspired a number of more impressive spin-offs. My favourite, and a game that has remained in my top five video games of all time, is the excellent 'Slamtilt,' which takes the best features of this game and expands on them to incredibly addictive, enjoyable an often hilarious ends. Read my review if you desire more information, or are just eager to give me some miles. 'Pinball Dreams' was an enjoyable and very influential game, but is very much a thing of the past.
Advantages: Good use of music and graphics in level design, Paved the way for other releases, Well designed and programmed
Disadvantages: Incredibly difficult, Not as advanced or extensive as its offspring, Tables aren't too interesting
Pingu: A Barrel of Fun!
Pre-School Penguin
Written on 26.05.04
**
In 1997, BBC Multimedia released this 'Pingu' CD-ROM, a collection of very basic puzzles and games aimed at children and based on the then-popular clay animation series of the same name.
I'm sure many people will remember Pingu, but for those who don't, it followed the antics of a penguin, his family and friends, all of them rarely speaking and only doing so in an Inuit-style language that I remember being told was genuine, but may well have been made up. My parents bought this CD-ROM in a sale in around 1998 or 1999, and my youngest brother enjoyed playing the games for a couple of years.
OPERATION & LAYOUT
When the Pingu CD is loaded, the old-style BBC logo appears and then the 'player' is taken to the main menu screen, where a slightly patronising woman's voice informs them on how to select one of the activities, and exclaims "hooray!" a little over-enthusiastically once one is selected.
The graphics appear dated now, but they are accurate digitalisations of the claymation characters and sets, and all sound samples are authentic. The buttons at the bottom of the screen are all very large, colourful and friendly, and make it very easy for the children to operate the program.
PUZZLES
There are six puzzles, aimed at the player's senses of sight and sound, presumably avoiding smell, taste and touch as that would be impossible and they are not mad. Different skill settings can be chosen on each of the puzzles, although this most often extends the task slightly rather than making it any more taxing. Here are a couple of notable examples:
Letters Puzzle - this presents the player with a familiar image and a group of letters, and asks them to select the correct letters to spell the word. This is a little poorly designed as it isn't testing spelling so much as shape recognition - the outlines of the letters are already there, using the example of 'dog,' so it is a little too straightforward.
Colour Puzzle - the player is told the name of a colour, and they have to rotate reels to display that colour. An unaddictive and less risky form of a fruit machine for the younger generation. Even from a child's point of view the puzzles are not very interesting or enjoyable; this is the most educational part of the game designed to teach them some basic skills, but the ever-present menu bar lets them return to the dancing Pingu whenever they desire, as that is best.
GAMES
Obviously the most interesting feature of the disc, the games are all very small and limited, and the keys involved are often a little confusing ('Z' and 'X' move Pingu left and right during Fish Tennis for example). The inclusion of games must come as a relief to children, and the digitised Pingu and Robbie the Seal are very believable as they move around the screen, controlled by the player.
Ice Flow - This is one of the more impressive games, and involves Pingu crossing frozen rivers on passing blocks of ice to reach the other side. A less difficult and ultimately less enjoyable version of the classic arcade game 'Frogger.'
Music Time - Not so much a game as a chance to unwind, this features a music keyboard with some very limited instrument samples, and the player can make whatever brief, discordant cacophony they like.
SCREENSAVERS
A bit of an advertisement, these screensavers are of the variety that load a mini-program and have to be manually switched off once they appear; no simple wave of the mouse to remove the flying toasters this time. Not a section that can be handled by children, unless they are really smart or far too old to be playing this game, as it involves setting up the screensaver in the way that we've all done many times before realising that we're better off without one.
VERDICT
Obviously this is aimed at the younger generation, the box indicating a target age group of 'Age 3-6,' but there are several inconsistencies in this rating; although many children are now largely computer literate, the instructions on the 'Help' menu are in very small print, and can often prove a little confusing. There is nothing revolutionary or particularly impressive about this BBC release, and I wouldn't recommend it over any modern equivalents that will be far more extensive and probably better designed.
The very premise of the game as educational is also a little misleading, as although it could possibly help to refine certain skills, it doesn't teach very much apart from how to recognise the same sounds, and how to fit a shape into a hollowed out version of the same shape. As I see it, the best aspect of the program for young players is that it can teach them some rudimentary computer skills such as altering volume, navigating between menus and opening/closing programs. 'A Barrel of Fun!' is stretching it a bit far though.
Pole Position
...The More They Stay the Same
Written on 17.06.04
***
It could be argued that the genre of racing games has altered very little since the introduction of the 1982 arcade game Pole Position, however it can also be argued that it has clearly improved loads; are you mad? In reality, or at least my version thereof, both statements are true as the general style and control of this Namco classic set the pole by which the position of all future racing games would be judged. Or something like that.
PREMISE
From the demo playing behind the “Insert Coin” screen it’s clear that this is a racing game, to some extent a simulator of a Formula 1 race. The car is fairly bland and non-descript and at the bottom of the screen, heading forwards in the groundbreaking three-dimensional looking environment. The player controls the car along the track, attempting to stay on the road as opposed to veering onto the grass or exploding on the billboards, with the ultimate goal of achieving pole position, which is also the title of the game as I’m sure you’ve noticed.
Essentially, racing games are still based exactly on this format. The car is situated in what is usually deemed the appropriate and best position, used in such games as Colin McCrae Rally, Gran Turismo and the Wipeout series, while the detrimental effect of increasing speed on the player’s ability to control the car is also a key feature.
GAMEPLAY
The controls are as expected, and again show how little has changed. The arcade joystick, or keyboard keys if you’re playing in the less exciting atmosphere of the home or office, can steer the vehicle left and right, the up and down directions adjusting acceleration and deceleration accordingly. There is a button to shift gear from ‘Low’ to ‘High,’ the High option being vital once the car has got going, which is adapted to the space bar on home computer versions.
As with all old games that appear three-dimensional this is not strictly the case, although it certainly feels like it is, and it’s easy to spin around and head in the wrong direction if that’s your kind of thing. A great deal of effort clearly went into making this game as realistic and lifelike as possible, under the constraints of the processor’s speed and memory and the obvious graphical and sound limitations, and Namco did an excellent job. It may be short-lived and repetitive, but it’s still very fun.
THE MORE THINGS CHANGE...
Compared to modern racing games, Pole Position has:
• The same control method
• The same layout
• The same difficulty and fun
• Sponsorship from premier racing companies
Compared to modern racing games, Pole Position does not have:
• Impressive graphics and sound
• Endorsement from real racers
• Multiplayer option
• Different game options
VERDICT
Obviously not a game you’d go out and buy unless you were looking for something very cheap, this deserves respect more than anything for pioneering the racing game industry. It’s not flash but it’s still fun, and my family has extracted plenty of enjoyment over the years from the incredibly poorly recorded female voice saying “prepare to qualify” and “prepare to race.” It’s also very fun to hit other drivers or sign posts and see your car immediately explode in a ball of flames before reanimating.
Namco came up with another coin-op winner here – it may not have Nigel Mansell on the cover, but it’s got irritating computer-generated engine noises aplenty. I'm aware that it's obviously not as enjoyable or fun as a modern racing game, I'm not that weird, but I do love these arcade classics. Perhaps I should seek counselling for these strange fetishes with games that were popular before I was even conceived, but in the meantime I’ll stick to PacMan, Dig Dug and Frogger.
Advantages: Original and enjoyable, A nice cheap thrill that's quick to load and play, Very amusing
Disadvantages: Pales in comparison to modern equivalents, Basic graphics and sound, Limited gameplay
Resident Evil 3: Nemesis
Written on 01.07.00
***
Resident Evil 3 is the best Resident Evil on this format. It's got a great story which ties in with that of Resident Evil 2, another great game, and features a lot of action and plot twists.
There are many new weapons and enenies to fight, as well as the fearsome Nemesis creature which you keep bumping into, but the alternative Resident Evil 3, Resident Evil: Code Veronica on Dreamcast, is a lot better than this. [Again no memory of these new-fangled things.]
While the story and graphics are great, this game is too reminiscent of Resident Evil 2 and while it is good and nostalgic to walk down those same streets again, it is also unoriginal. The game should have had a new location to make it better.
Advantages: Great graphics, and better than RE 1 and 2.
Disadvantages: Too reminiscent of the last game.
Scrabble
Wooden Spelling Goes Technical
Written on 13.10.05
*****
Even in the glitzy space-age twenty-first century we inhabit, Scrabble remains one of the most popular and stimulating board games for people of all ages. Young children can play as an aid to their learning and the very elderly can use it to keep themselves on the ball, so it was inevitable and highly satisfying when Supervision released the first truly playable video game adaptation for Amiga home computers and Sega's MegaDrive console in 1994.
ADAPTATION & IMPROVISATION
Converting a board game to a 16-bit console environment isn't as easy as you might think; home video games are commonly made for one player, and the in-game dictionary is (mostly) responsible for everything that can be played. As such, there had to be compromises: while two human players can play each other in turn, each shielding their eyes when it isn't their turn, the single player can choose opponents from a veritable smorgasbord of intellect.
The Amiga's keyboard is not used to select your letters: these are instead given to you automatically after a turn and their use can be selected with the joystick or joypad, depending on the game format you use. The player's actions are simplified to a table of diagrams below their letters, including 'swap rack,' 'racks visible' and 'pass.' There are nine playable characters, this makes no difference to the player in control as the character's intellect is not carried across to either enhance your own or render you seriously stupid, but they are essentially presented in order of difficulty as opponents.
This leads to some of the petty problems with the game: you can't enter your own name, and it may be difficult to find a character who you feel you resemble. Unless of course you work for Hardcastle & Son's Carnival of Freaks in which case it'll be like looking in the mirror. Not that you probably own a mirror, you poor deformed humanoid.
MAKING & BREAKING RULES
Although many people have their own personal rules for the game, occasionally veering wide of the original guidelines, the rules for this game are not for compromise. You can't have proper nouns, you can't add an 'N' to make up a nonsense verb based on an obscure headword that you only imagine exists so you can get the triple word score, and you can't look at the other player's letters. No wait, I mean, you can look at the other player's letters. At any time you want. As well as this rather dodgy optional feature, the player can select to receive a 'hint' on their turn. This doesn't always work, but will occasionally result in a feeble word of around 9 points; useful if you're really stuck, as the in-game dictionary contains some very bizarre words I've never encountered before or since.
Owen Thomas is credited under 'Dictionary' and he did a great job, although I'm still not sure whether this involved him working day and night typing each entry from a dictionary or simply uploading one off whatever passed for the internet in 1994. I believe it was still the internet, but only clever people had access and there was far less pornography. In cases where a word is placed by the human player that is not recognised, the suited referee raises an eyebrow and asks whether or not this is a real word.
This is the silliest part of the game: although useful in checking whether your badly remembered noun was real or just from a dream after all, this basically means that you can put down 'qxzyjvb' as your first move and win as many cheating points as you want. But you're only cheating yourself. Tempted though, aren't you? You make me sick.
FEATURES
The game's memory is limited, the cartridge or floppy disk already full of the English Dictionary, and as such there is no save option. Anyone fancying a day-long tournament against other players or the computer will find their best scores for individual words and overall games maintained in a list, as long as the console isn't switched off or reset, and you can even try and take on the whole cast of characters if you're man or woman enough.
I was very impressed to see the language select option at the beginning. As well as being able to play extended games in British English, the cartridge/disk also features a full version in French, German and Spanish! This is truly impressive, as is the faithfulness to the original board game with the options to change tiles, pass a turn and check your own rack when the opponent is playing.
VERDICT
An excellent, almost flawless conversion of the classic board game to video game format, and perhaps the best that could ever have been achieved. Although the MegaDrive and Amiga were both declining in popularity at around this point, usurped by the more powerful PlayStation generation of consoles and Windows a year or so later, Supervision's 'Scrabble' surely set the mould for the best selling hand-held GameBoy and GameBoy Colour versions and presented an easy way for people to waste their time and lives with the Sega joypad in hand.
Supervision's Scrabble is also an interesting exercise in personal tolerance and frustration. Some of those computer players are really, really difficult. They put down some very good words. The word 'qxzyjvbk' isn't in the Dictionary, but as far as the Spock-eyebrowed referee knows it could be a common term in the futuristic 2005, perhaps the name of our Jeston-style flying cars we all have. You can cheat at this game if you want to, but you're only cheating yourself.
Sega Mega Drive
16-Bit Console Wars
Written on 24.11.03
*****
This review is not intended to try and persuade or dissuade anyone into buying a Sega Megadrive, so I suppose by default it shouldn't be written. But I enjoy reminiscing about my youth, hopefully you will too if you are of a similar upbringing, this is my chance for a bit of fun. Come with me now on a trip down memory lane...
It is the very early 90s, you'll have to pretend anyway as I don't think it is anymore, and the Super Nintendo and the Sega Megadrive are the only consoles worth mentioning. There has never been more rivalry or outright feuding in the market; in a possibly controversial and troubling way, the consoles were capable of dividing youth into the Mario players- that's the Super Nintendo Entertainment System, or SNES if you were cool, and the Sonic players- that's the Megadrive, or the MD if you were a bit strange. With the dealings and cross-console liaisons between modern consoles, which are essentially trying to be more fun versions of PCs, such feuding no longer exists [That's right, these competitors all just get along now] and parents are simply forced to buy multiple formats. This happened in the days of the Megadrive too, but only to those rich gits like Eldon Lee, who doesn't really exist but sounds like the people my mental picture is being based upon. [It appears I have a running joke in 2004 of naming fictional characters or pseudonyms 'Eldon' in relation to Kevin Eldon. Very amusing?]
My family, at least those of us young enough to be bothered, belonged to the Sega vein. The fast-paced adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog appealed to our animal fun senses more than the more in-depth game with the plumber on the other console, and the Megadrive was clearly the superior console as it was black, the colour of Batman. And who was ever cooler than the B-man?
This review is not intended to try and persuade or dissuade anyone into buying a Sega Megadrive, so I suppose by default it shouldn't be written. But I enjoy reminiscing about my youth, hopefully you will too if you are of a similar upbringing, this is my chance for a bit of fun. Come with me now on a trip down memory lane...
In terms of the games, and being unbiased for a moment, the Megadrive had a great many racing and beat-em-up games, such as the Mortal Kombat series, while the SNES featured more adventure games such as Zelda and, to some extent, Super Mario World. More on this in a moment.
ABILITY
The original NES (Nintendo Entertainment System) was clearly the leading brand of 8-bit console in the late 80s, however the introduction of the Megadrive - known as the Genesis in the USA - in August 1989 brought Sega's arcade game-based strength into the home market.
Nintendo's SNES was released in 1991, and presented some tough competition to the Megadrive. The internal memory of the system was twice that of all its competitors, which allowed games to be much larger - Zelda and Super Mario World being the best examples - and for later games to possess much more realistic graphics, such as Donkey Kong Country and Toy Story. This was due to the SNES possessing the ability to handle far more colours with its clever 1991 chips than the 256-colour 1989 Megadrive, but by the time this became an issue it was already time for the next wave of consoles, spearheaded by Sony's PlayStation.
Sega were very adept at jumping in with a more advanced console a couple of years too early, something they would later find to their loss with the Dreamcast. However, the Megadrive and Megadrive II - an unnecessary reworking of the original which meant it was a bit smaller and now had red buttons instead of white ones, cool - still remained the option for a lot of children and adolescents.
GAMES
Sega's strength as an arcade coin-op company led to most of their games being based around the "pick up 'n play" formula of sport and racing games, while Nintendo offered much more in the way of long-term role playing games. Nowadays, Nintendo are often seen as the company catering more towards children's tastes,with many cutesy platformers and only the occasional head-bursting gorefest, but I suppose if there was any clear distinction in the early 90s it would be that Nintendo catered more towards people of a nerdish tendency; not meant as offence to anyone, but the kind of people who will invest their time into completing Super Mario World with all 96 levels (obviously including Special Star Roads) are less likely to receive a muddy kick in the groin on a cold Sunday morning football field than someone who enjoys Sega's "NBA 1993." Which probably existed.
Although the obvious comparison was between Sonic and Mario, so let's do this 'thang.'
SONIC, THE BLUE HEDGEHOG WITH ATTITUDE:
The Sonic series were fast-paced games with great graphics that were intended to be played through in one game. No save option was present, although everyone who had it knew the level select cheat. Being a cool hedgehog with much-publicised 'attitude', something which rarely came into play on the game as he couldn't make witty put-downs but did still tap his foot impatiently when left alone, Sonic was a friendly and cute method for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fans to pretend they were cool, in-between calling their father 'dude' and mother 'dudette' and eating horrible pizza from a mysteriously low-budget Turtles food company. I didn't do any of these things though, and anyone who says I did is a liar.
MARIO, THE ITALIAN PLUMBER WHO CAN JUMP DEAD HIGH:
Mario games were still being based on the slightly dated formula of the scrolling screen- a basically linear system where the action would progress from left to right with no turning back. Mario 3 was the first game, still on the old Nintendo, to introduce a wider playing field as well as the much-copied map system that led Mario games into being a kind of sub-RPG. With much greater depth, these were games that rewarded the long-term player but were not so appealing to a lot of children such as myself. In hindsight, I now enjoy playing Mario games more, imagine that.
AFTERMATH
Shortly before the introduction of the 32-bit line of consoles, most notably the Playstation as Sega had lost a lot of its coolness with the new Saturn release (it was black for a start- who liked the Batman films now?), my mum bought me and my brothers a SNES which we thoroughly enjoyed. I found new delight in Mario World, a game I would not have been able to appreciate if I were younger, but that was about it. The Megadrive was still more fun.
In the present day I still prefer a good old classic game to a modern, complex one and the Megadrive doesn't disappoint. At a time of competitive yet very similar video games, Sega managed to stay one step ahead before their recent fade into obscurity. I suppose every 'hog' has his day (I'm referring to hedgehog there).
I learned a lot during that, thank you for reading. If you enjoyed these consoles, why not buy one from eBay? It may smell a bit like a loft or sweaty child's bedroom, but the games are often more fun than more modern equivalents.
Advantages: Variety of games
Disadvantages: Dated now
Shanghai
Three Dimensional Computer Snap
Written on 10.08.06
***
The computerised card game that began life in the computer realm, rather than being based on an existing game, Mahjong solitaire was developed by Brodie Lockard in 1981 and was subsequently appropriated for home computer systems in various guises, under a variety of titles.
Activision's ‘Shanghai’ was the Amiga and Mac edition of Lockard’s original ‘Mahjongg.’ Roughly speaking, the game is a tile version of ‘snap,’ incorporating elements of solitaire, that uses traditional Chinese Mahjong tiles rather than a deck of cards. As can be seen in Dooyoo’s screenshot, the game begins with the tiles stacked up, 144 of them in a ‘dragon formation.’
The objective of the game is simply to remove all of the tiles from play, as with the cards in Solitaire, and this is accomplished by clicking with the mouse on identical pairs. The tiles selected must be ‘free,’ meaning that they could be moved either left or right on the board (not up or down). There is rarely more than two of the same tile on screen at once, and in some instances there will only be one; this results in ‘game over,’ as progress is impossible. It’s vital to think in three-dimensional terms when playing Shanghai, and to recognise the aerial view of the playing field for what it is. Even if tiles appear partly obscured or shadowed by others at a higher level to their left, they will still be just as easy to dispense of, provided they have freedom of movement to the right. The rules are simple and inflexible.
The game uses traditional Mahjong tiles, the circle and bamboo suits being plain to understand and to place value on in their depiction of one to nine images, but the character suits are annotated in the corner with English numerals alongside the traditional Chinese. The same tile of the same suit must always be selected during play; the only exceptions are the four season tiles and the plants. These can be selected together, in any combination within their limited suits, for the same result. It’s important not to place exaggerated personal value on eliminating tiles that are more aesthetically pleasing than others, for example the nice peacock one over the boring numbered ones, as this will only limit options and hinder progress.
A game to play to kill fifteen minutes, Shanghai isn’t necessarily addictive, but is quite enjoyable. The Amiga version is only one-player by default, but can conceivably be multi-player if players take it in turns to make a move, to see who wins or loses first. Strategic thinking can come into play on occasion, especially as there is no time limit for moves, but generally speaking it’s wiser to aim to eliminate the more central tiles than those on the perimeter, as it frees up more restricted tiles and leads to greater freedom of choice as the game progresses. It’s not as simple as clearing all of the additional layers and leaving yourself with the foundations, as there won’t necessarily be as many options left as there would with the other tiers still in play.
The game’s graphics and sound are limited and of little consequence, as all that matters is that the tiles can be easily discerned in the Amiga’s 16-bit graphics. Simple blips accompany the elimination process, and aside from a title screen and game over message there is nothing else for the player to do outside of the game itself. Although computer companies waged a private little war over the rights to this game, the game itself would always be generously and sensibly priced below what was asked for more complex titles.
Shanghai style games can be played for free online, and all variants are more or less identical to this earlier incarnation. Not as addictive or timeless as card and tile games that originated in the real world of the real living realm, Shanghai is nevertheless an enjoyable eccentricity, which would prove incredibly tedious and difficult to set up on a table, outside of the mathematical programs used by the Amiga to ensure the game can be played to a satisfying conclusion. Shanghai must be easy to duplicate, as shareware versions have existed from the start, but sits a little uncomfortably in a middle-ground between addictive, simplistic card/tile games and early arcade classics. It at least provides an alternative to Windows games to fill the unforgiving minutes.
Advantages: Cheap, and simple to understand in 1-player.
Disadvantages: No 2-player option, and a very simplistic package.
Shufflepuck Cafe
Anyone For Cyberpunk Air Hockey?
Written on 22.07.04
***
Anyone who has ever read any of my reviews ever may have formed the impression that I only like old things, preferably those released between my birth and when I was about nine, presumably as some kind of desire to hide within the confines of my youth to avoid facing the harsh reality of adult life until it is absolutely necessary. Don’t be silly, I’ve just never got into modern computer games: Shufflepuck Café is one of the only ‘sports’ games I’ve ever really enjoyed, combining the twin worlds of table air hockey and seedy sci-fi bars with weird, shifty aliens. Sounds like an immediate winner.
PREMISE & GAMEPLAY
The loading screen for this 1989 Ubi-Soft game features a dark alley lit by trademark cyberpunk purple neons before a blaring synthesised guitar riff erupts from the speakers (it was always fun to turn the volume up high on this bit). The café itself is patronised by bizarre creatures and couple of more familiar sights, all of which fancy themselves as table hockey champs, despite the fact that none of them can defeat Biff Rauch.
The game is two-dimensional and played from a first person perspective, looking across the slanted table at the opponent. The mouse controls the green paddle used to deflect or launch the puck within a confined area at the bottom of the table and that is, literally, it – a tally chart records the scores, reaching 15 before the end. Thankfully there are different game modes and practice options to extend the lifetime of this game:
PRACTICE ROBOT – You can’t help but love the look of all androids from the Star Wars decade, although this mode can easily be turned into a pointless waste of time. The robot’s difficulty level can be altered to a moderately competitive level or right down to him failing to even acknowledge the puck’s existence and literally acting his shoe size rather than this age (his shoe size effectively being zero as he has no legs). The player’s own paddle size and that of the robot can also be adjusted to ridiculous lengths, although filling the width of the screen with the stationary green paddle proves the expression that size isn’t everything.
FRIENDLY – The most enjoyable option, especially for a quick play, this can be accessed from the right-click menu during play or simply by selecting the desired opponent from the café screen. You soon learn the order of toughness:
• Skip Feeney – a weakling dweeb-type whose catch-phrase “good shot” each time he is beaten provides excellent comedy value (as do his chequered trousers)
• Visine Orb – a small green alien whose head is half-concealed in his jumper like that boy from the Bash Street Kids, but green. Relies on a diagonal bouncing tactic with his shots that would be more effective if he understood the idea of speed.
• Vinne the Dweeb – weird high school punk pig thing, barely worth mentioning.
• Lexan Smythe-Worthington – this cocktail-slurping tuxedo-donning drunkard with delusions of 007 is enjoyable in his anger, but is difficult to beat if the Amiga mouse starts acting up (ah, how often I enjoyed that sensation)
• The General – where it starts getting tough, this battle-hardened (probably) warthog is one of the most imposing players, but still isn’t too much of a challenge.
• Nerual Ttoille – some guy spent a few evenings really thinking about these characters didn’t he? Coming up with names, saying them aloud to himself, and the best he could come up with for his two-headed ghost character was Nerual Ttoille? At least this cloaked figure doesn’t cheat like some people… [No Dave, the joke's on you for not recognising a bleeding obvious anagram.]
• Princess Beijin – what’s going on with this telekinetic ho? [Urban Dave.] Every time she makes a serve she floats the puck and sends it flying speedily in a random direction, surely that’s against the rules or something? This is a player I’ve never been able to beat, not having the ability to change the rules myself, and who I hate. I never thought she was attractive either, the same way I never found Tyrus Flare in Golden Axe sexy – they’re only pixellated characters. Obviously well designed, but there’s no attraction.
• Biff Rauch – impossible, although obviously not. But he is hard with all his leather and hair, and his surname means ‘smoke’ in German. Not that that’s very relevant. The Germans would probably describe him as a Schrank.
CHAMPIONSHIP – This involves playing each character (apart from that ace robot) consecutively, although I have never reached the end. Presumably the board reading ‘Current champion: Biff Rauch’ will be replaced with a name the player can type in that will remain there forever for all to see. Until you reset the game and take the fickle floppy disk out that is.
VERDICT
Shufflepuck Café is fun, but limited – as such it was the type of game that sells quite well on its release (usually in a small box) before being combined with ‘ten-packs’ and other collections of games to bulk them out. This was where my family first got hold of it as part of the hit-and-miss ‘Astra Pack’: this was one of the hits and remained a favourite of the Amiga.
It’s obvious that the whole sci-fi bar concept has only been added to help sell the game, but these ‘dressing up’ tactics are still employed in all games today, something I see whenever my brother plays yet another 3D free-roaming platform game with a slightly different animal character running around and collecting coins or bananas. In some ways, Shufflepuck Café is Pong with different opponents, but this simple offering from the trusty Amiga has launched a metaphorical puck firmly into my literal heart and mind where it will stay forever. Don’t go out and buy it though.
Advantages: Fun and quick to play, Interesting and challengig opponents, Different game modes
Disadvantages: Very limited, Often frustrating to play, Just 'Pong' with aliens and stuff
Simon the Sorcerer
Written on 16.10.05
*****
Ron Gilbert's SCUMM programming system revolutionised graphic adventure gaming in the early nineties, and resulted in his classic game 'The Secret of Monkey Island' becoming a best-seller and one of the most popular and beloved video games of all time.
Adventure Soft's 'Simon the Sorcerer,' coming along to Amiga and PC in 1994, added nothing new to the genre, but did present another opportunity for fans of graphic adventure games to spend their time getting lost in a fantastical, humorous, complicated and beautiful world.
PREMISE
Simon is fifteen and wants to be a wizard, like you do. Strangely he finds himself whisked to a fantasy world when he looks in a spell book or does something equally clichéd and familiar: basically, the player controls a developing human in an alien land. Simon knows the wizard Calypso, but at the beginning of the game finds his cottage deserted. Apart from a couple of oddly useful household items the wizard left lying around for any budding adventurer to stick in his inventory for a later date.
Conversations with the odd folk around the village indicate that the evil wizard Sordid is behind it, and that no adventurers who head to his Castle of Doom ever return. Simon wants to be a wizard in the same way that Guyrbush Threepwood (Monkey Island) wanted to be a pirate: he isn't very good at it, but gets by thanks to occasional brushes with luck and a brilliantly contrived system of objects and items that can be used together to further his progress through the world.
STYLE
The natural evolution of the early text-based MUD games, graphic adventure games (more casually known as 'point-n-click games') ditch the complicated keyboard interface in favour of the mouse. Gone are the confusing moments when the player has to rack his brain thinking of a verb to type, as the SCUMM system allows for a table of common verbs to be presented to the player on-screen at all times of gameplay, with commands such as 'walk,' 'open,' 'talk to' and 'look at.' Simon the Sorcerer lists nine actions in a lovely purple font, opting for the words rather than more clever-looking but ultimately confusing pictograms.
The majority of the screen is filled with the play area. The player can move anywhere the path takes him or her, and once they reach the edge, or some kind of entrance to elsewhere, play moves to another pre-rendered backdrop with interactive areas. Accompanying the table of actions is the inventory, which fills with items as Simon collects them during play.
Simon the Sorcerer is a British game, and proud of it. While the humour may not be to everyone's taste, it does have a distinctly English sarcasm and sense of parody almost throughout, aided of course by a few uses of "bugger" and "bloody hell." As a light-hearted fantasy adventure that doesn't take itself too seriously, this has an immediate fan base in the realm of something like Terry Pratchett or Douglas Adams, while the occasional references to Tolkein, fairy tales and folklore do require some knowledge of such fields for parts of the game to be fully appreciated.
GAMEPLAY
Simon the Sorcerer is fun, but it's slow, thoughtful, taxing fun as opposed to 'Sega Rally' fun. The player uses the mouse to control Simon's actions, only needing the keyboard when typing a name for the saved game or when desiring to pause the game (space bar) or skip a line of text (the full stop key). When clicking on an area of the screen, the action phrase that is currently highlighted will be performed: this is automatically set to 'Walk to,' meaning that clicking an area of path without selecting something from the verb bank will cause Simon to move around.
The verbs are all very simple and self-explanatory, and thankfully condense a game that could otherwise have been unnecessarily complicated. 'Look at' will give a description, sometimes very revealing, of an object on screen or in the inventory, while 'Talk to' and 'Give' require a human or creature on screen in order to work... well, with one or two exceptions. This is a fantasy world after all.
Some actions require two objects to be used together, such as 'Use.' These items can be within Simon's inventory (all stored in his pointy purple hat) or on the playing field. As with all games of this type, some actions are far less useful than others: there are only about three times when 'Wear' results in anything other than a sarcastic statement that Simon's sense of fashion dictates otherwise.
As an example of the way the game plays and progresses, Simon chances upon a ring that makes him invisible (the Tolkein influence is fairly prominent) and uses it to try and escape his imprisonment by goblins. Unfortunately the ring has become stuck and the Druid he finds being stretched on a rack refuses to speak to an unseen Devil, so Simon has to improvise. Having heard earlier that only the sight of the full moon can cause lycanthropic Druids to transform into their animal form, the player places a punctured bucket over the druid's head (politely asking "can I put this bucket on your head please?") and lights a taper, transforming the Druid to a frog that bounds away and returns several days later with a pair of keys.
GRAPHICS AND SOUND
This is the area in which Simon the Sorcerer excels. The lush forest backdrops, the dankness of castles and the fantastic character designs are all painted and rendered to a gorgeous high standard. The game is only 32-bit and still fairly blocky, but areas of the forest look almost real. And that's even without the beautiful melodic music that I am bent on finding as a soundtrack.
The Amiga version of the game doesn't feature any sound effects, the game already having to be stretched to nine floppy disks, but it compensates for the lack of speech with the best compression of the synthesised soundtrack available. The PC version, which is still available and has been updated for Windows XP use, fits on a CD and features an array of voice artists across the board from excellent to extremely shoddy, top of the list being Red Dwarf star Chris Barrie.
This is at a cost to the background music however, which plays as MIDI sounds and reminds me in its over-simplified mediocrity of what's being missed out.
VERDICT
Adventure games are pretty geeky and require a lot of patience, but this is one of the better examples. Frustrating at times, especially when Simon is revealed to be nothing more than the list of programmed responses that he is (for example, selecting 'Use: Stick' on something that the stick could theoretically solve will result in something along the lines of "I don't see the point" rather than a more natural "well I'll give it a go. No, sorry, wrong size. Good idea though.")
The map that allows instant travel to a number of different places across the game is an invaluable time saver, as the game is pretty big, while the save feature is clearly an absolute necessity in a game with such longevity. 'The Secret of Monkey Island' will always be the definitive graphic adventure, its hero zipping to and fro across an island before moving on to a new area he has to zip around for the rest of the game, and Simon tries to break out of this mould.
The excellent 'Beneath a Steel Sky' offers fewer than 30 rooms in total for the player, and expertly manages to make the game last around 10 hours in length and never seem tedious, but Simon attempts to have pretty much the entire game take place in the same vast area, apart from the minimal final part. There is also no direct sequencing of events, allowing for greater freedom, but there are obviously some constraints to what has to be done before other options are available.
The poorly contrived 'Simon the Sorcerer 2: The Lion, the Wizard and the Wardrobe' came out the following year, but its style and gameplay are vastly inferior to the original. 'Simon the Sorcerer 3-D' I have yet to play, but I think I'll steer clear of the weird cash-in 'Simon the Sorcerer Pinball.' Adventure Soft in an act of desperation there it seems.
With brilliant backdrops, great music and an addictive, simplistic plot, Simon the Sorcerer is an adventure game classic that is still readily available today. Sure, the main character has a bit of an attitude problem, but did Monkey Island have Rimmer voicing the lead character in very shoddy mid-nineties in-game voice recording quality? Suck on that, Guybrush!
Slam Tilt
The Classic Pinball Machine
Written on 17.04.04
*****
The key to longevity for a video game is originality and a high level of enjoyment, which is why PacMan and Space Invaders are still popular today. A breed of video game that isn?t seen so much any more is that of the pinball game, but the simplicity and fun of Amiga pinball releases means they can still be enjoyed by all generations today. Digital Illusions' 'Pinball Dreams' and 'Pinball Fantasies' were the most well-known, and developed the look and technique of the pinball machine for the home computer, but by far the most impressive was 'Slamtilt.'
THE GAME
Released in 1996, this game caught the tail-end of Amiga consumers as Microsoft's consoles [He means computers] became increasingly advanced and dominant in the market, but this also meant it had access to faster capabilities.
The basic layout of the game is identical to the tried and tested format of Digital Illusions' releases, but features much more realistic graphics, a greater variety of options and much more diversity. The player views the pinball table from directly above, rather than the slanted perspective often found in modern equivalents, and the screen scrolls up and down to track the ball.
CONTROLS
The game is controlled in the same way as a real pinball machine, but with keyboard keys in place of things to pull and click. The Amiga keyboard is laid out in an almost identical way to that of a modern PC, so it should be easy to understand.
F1 - F8 - These keys at the top of the keyboard are used once the desired table has loaded to select the number of players. People playing a lone might be tempted to press F8 for many more goes, but it's much more sensible to simply press F1; that way you don't lose track of where you are, and once you lose your third b all you just press F1 to begin anew.
ALT - Those keys to the left and right of the space bar that are always there but don't really do anything are used to control the left and right flippers. Pressing them also causes lit bonuses to alternate, which can be used to the player's advantage in completing light sequences.
RETURN - Also known as the big arrow button on the right, pressing this released the ball into the game. Only used at the start of the round.
SPACE - This is used on the start menus to select the options (with up and down keys) and to load the level. When used in play, this shakes the table; useful if the ball ever gets stuck, which has never happened to me in years of playing, but pressing it too many times causes a fatal TILT.
These are the only buttons needed to play the game. The Amiga had two 'Amiga' keys, each featuring an italicised 'A,' and these could be used to shake the table left and right as opposed to up and down. Again, quite pointless. The Amiga keys were located where Windows keys are commonly found, perhaps on your keyboard; why not pretend to play Slamtilt now for a few minutes? Just be careful not to tilt the game as it may bring up the Windows start menu.
TABLES & FEATURES
Despite excellent graphics, the only way the game can truly distinguish itself is through its choice of tables on which to play, and the features available on these tables. More than any other pinball game, all of these tables are excellent to play on, although everyone is bound to have their favourite.
TABLE 1: MEAN MACHINES
Fast-paced automobile carnage done in a tasteful way. The table bac kground is littered with car crashes, monster truck pictures and a large grey skull with an attitude, presumably. The music consists of some thrashy rock guitars which increase the adrenaline atmosphere, and the special rounds are all based around speed. As with all tables, 'Mean Machines' features a bonus round that is very different, and in this instance involves steering a race car using the flipper keys to avoid bends. This level is fun.
TABLE 2: THE PIRATE
Plenty of great multi-ball options and some fitting piratey music make this another fun board, but it does get tedious after a while. The common 'Shoot Ship' feature involves hitting a flipper when a cannon has a ship in its sight, the aim being to shoot the ship, quite clearly.
TABLE 3: ACE OF SPACE
The least enjoyable table, this still has its charm. The dark purple and blue prevent it from being very appealing, but it does have some great 'mission' options. Other than that, there is nothing remarkable about this sci-fi based board.
TABLE 4: NIGHT OF THE DEMON
My favourite table, this is based around a horror theme, with a comedy bent. Every time the ball hits a buffer, the score board flashes an animation of a man getting punched violently in the face, the repetition of which becomes very funny. Interesting sub-games for high scores include 'Gravehunter: Dig For Treasure (Or For Pleasure),' 'Attack of the Mega Mutant Meatball' and the very fun but impossible 'Wolfman,' which requires the flipper key to be smacked consecutively at very fast speeds. This also has a great horror-influenced soundtrack.
CODES
There are no cheat codes to advance the player's score, and it is genuinely difficult to hit the high score board, especially to beat the top two scores, but there are a couple of codewords that can be typed in when the table is loaded but play has not started:
SMILE - Creates a smily face for the ball
DRUNK - Creates a 'drunk ball' that no longer obeys the game's excellent gravity features, and hops around where it feels like it. Quite useless and hard.
RADIOCATIVE - Changes the colour scheme of the table and lights, often with nauseating results.
VERDICT
One of my favourite games of all time, there has not been a pinball game to match it in terms of sheer enjoyment. The sound, graphics and playability have all been accounted for with great effort, and the creators clearly had a good time designing the sub-games. This may be available for PC, but otherwise is only available for Amigans, as my Dad likes to call himself.
Advantages: Great graphics and sound, Diverse levels and options
Disadvantages: Can get tedious, 'Ace of Space' is disappointing, Highly addictive
Sonic the Hedgehog
The Spirit of '91
Written on 15.07.04
****
AD 1991 was perhaps the most influential and enjoyable year of my life, despite (or perhaps because of) the fact that I was six years old. I remember the summer holiday from school, my first of these annual events, being hot and very long while it was also the first time I went on a holiday that I could actually remember. But this isn’t a review of 1991 in general, that would be insane – this was also the year that Sega introduced the first game in the continuing Sonic the Hedgehog franchise to the MegaDrive public.
For some reason, Sonic 1 (as it unofficially became known among those who owned at least one of the sequels, but that Dooyoo seem content to officially name it) captures the spirit of that excellent year and makes it all the better. It’s a shame I didn’t play it until about 1993 but then again, I always was more of an Amigan.
PREMISE & GAMEPLAY
Sonic the Hedgehog was based on the fairly standard ‘fast-paced cool animal character platform game’ format and is surely the definitive example of this genre, much better than Crash Bandicoot and all that new rubbish. [An insurmountable five-year generation gap.] The player controlled the eponymous hedgehog who was blue and very fast, and who soon developed a cult following and thereby an ‘official’ backstory involving a speedometer explosion mutation. The same accident transformed the friendly and stupidly-named Doctor Ovi Kintobor into the evil, bloated and more appropriately named Doctor Ivo Robotnik. This nasty fat man proceeded to build himself a large mechanical base to produce robotic ‘badniks’ and use the tiny animal populace as living batteries.
This basically means that Sonic travels through a number of fairly random but enjoyably diverse levels to reach the final boss, destroying mechanical enemies along the way. Each level is littered with golden rings that can be picked up and act as an extra ‘hit’ point for the player while also allowing for further bonuses such as extra lives and entry to the Secret Zone. The two-dimensional levels conformed to a general ‘head to the right’ style but some involved large distances up and down that could add extra depth. Not real depth though, they weren’t clever enough to try this out yet.
CONTROLS
Sonic’s movements were fairly limited and controlled by the Sega MegaDrive joypad (or corresponding keyboard keys if you use a modern emulator). The ‘left’ and ‘right’ buttons on the [directional] D-pad move Sonic in those directions, the ‘up’ button looks upward and the ‘down’ makes Sonic duck and look downwards, both of which are largely unnecessary, although pressing down while Sonic was in motion would cause him to spin on the ground in order to kill some enemies or break boxes. The MegaDrive’s A, B and C buttons all performed the same ‘jump’ function, the easiest way to destroy enemies and break the monitor boxes to receive bonuses. Finally, the ‘start’ button paused the game when in play and began the game from the title screen.
The programmers occasionally make the player resort to different techniques by making some enemies invincible from the top side, therefore requiring a less effective ‘spin attack’ to be dispatched, but the gameplay was very straightforward. Heading eastwards, trying to stay as close to the top of level as possible to avoid the pits and knowing when to stop and wait meant that each level could be memorised after a couple of plays. It was still fun though.
THE ZONES
The style and order of levels on this game set the style for the four successors (Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Sonic 3, Sonic & Knuckles) in terms of beginning with a green and pleasant land, throwing in an underwater level for good measure and contrasting all of this with industrial techno horror. With the exception of the last areas, each ‘zone’ was divided into three ‘acts’ – acts one and two were of moderate to long length and ended once Sonic passed the spinning sign on the far right, while the third act hosted a brief bit of level leading up to a confrontation with Robotnik in one of his elaborate mechanical devices.
1. GREEN HILL ZONE
An uncomplicated level to begin with, Green Hill’s crab- and insect-based enemies and inexplicably chequered loop-de-loops became the backdrop of choice for virtually all Sonic merchandise thereafter. The waterfalls on this level were a nice touch and it served as an excellent, upbeat introduction that still featured several dangers such as spiked areas and some secrets in the shape of breakable walls.
Boss: Robotnik flies about in his craft, dangling a huge spinning ball and chain that completely fails to hit the player once they realise they can stand in each bottom corner.
2. MARBLE ZONE
This level is made automatically more dangerous through the addition of flowing lava covering a lot of the ground. These levels mainly take place underground in a mysterious, purple-walled structure and this level also features some of the most annoying enemies in the form of nimble bats and armoured Catterkillers.
Boss: Sonic has to leap between two platforms over some boiling lava to hit Robotnik as he flies about. The Doc also sprays fire on to the platforms sequentially.
3. SPRING YARD ZONE
Without a doubt the most irritating level with all its springs and bumpers bouncing Sonic around and seemingly endless rotating spiked balls to navigate around. The colour scheme of orange and purple is quite nice, but this is mainly a level to get over with quickly.
Boss: The only platforms are squares forming a floor, each of which can be removed by a spike on Robotnik’s flying machine thing. He can be hit when he descends, as long as Sonic doesn’t fall to his death.
4. LABYRINTH ZONE
An underwater level that isn’t based on the David Bowie film of the same name in any way. Large bubbles need to be inhaled every so often to provide oxygen and prevent Sonic from drowning, while there are also plenty of switches and alternate routes to be taken. This is a perilous and very enjoyable level that involves a lot of movement up and down as well as to the right.
Boss: Robotnik doesn’t actually do anything bad, he simply flies upwards. Sonic has to rush up a passage past dangerous obstacles, avoiding the rising water, and the Doc flies off crying at the end. Very hard, if a little disappointing.
5. STARLIGHT ZONE
This relaxing level is based on a cityscape which moves from clearly defined buildings at the lowest points, a suggestion that the player should move upwards away from the pits, to the night sky at the top. Plenty of invincible enemies that either kill themselves or protect themselves far too well, but this isn’t as difficult as the previous level.
Boss: Three see-saws. Robotnik drops spiked balls on each one in turn. Bounce them onto him. Easy.
6. SCRAP BRAIN ZONE
The last proper level and also the hardest, based in Robotnik’s mechanical factory I assume. Rotating circular saws, electric shocks and trapdoors compliment the enemies here in making it even more difficult to survive until the third level, which is based on the style of Labyrinth but with silver platforms and purple water. A set of springs provide an exit to the final showdown…
7. FINAL ZONE
The easiest level on the game and a very disappointing fight with Robotnik, but it’s still the level everyone skipped to once they learned (or guessed) the level select cheat. Four crushing devices press down in turn and are incredibly easy to avoid – occasionally Robotnik will be in one and can be hit. Game over.
SECRET ZONE
If the player collects at least fifty rings when they reach the end of a level with a spinning post (acts 1 and 2 of every zone), they can jump into a large rotating ring and enter the weird Secret Zone. There are six of these and they boast increasing difficulty in reaching the target, the chaos emeralds at the end. The only difference in completing the game with all six emeralds is a different end sequence, although later games would introduce more incentive to catch ‘em all.
VERDICT
I consider this an all-time classic game and I still play it often, both on the Sega MegDrive system and the excellent ‘Gens’ emulator on my computer. This game is fast, happy and fun and contains some excellent music in its 16-bit capabilities, some of which reminds me of guitar solos on Metallica’s classic black album (also released in 1991). The sequels on the MegaDrive were better programmed and more diverse in terms of the number of levels, their size and the option to play as different characters, but this is still my favourite through its simplicity.
Yuji Naka’s creation of the blue hedgehog “with attitude” (a personality trait that doesn’t exactly shine through on this game, except when Sonic is left stationary for a while and begins tapping his foot impatiently) captured the imaginations of many young console owners and provided effective competition to Nintendo’s ‘Super Mario.’ Of course Sega were eventually buried by Sony and Nintendo and the recent games ‘Sonic Heroes’ and ‘Sonic Advance’ have been released on Nintendo’s GameBoy Advance and GameCube respectively. How they long for the glory days of ‘91…
Advantages: Fun, fast and colourful, Great synthesised music, Loads of replay value
Disadvantages: Not completely original, Levels and enemies are very similar in principle
Sonic Spinball
TILT
Written on 09.10.05
*
The second Sonic the Hedgehog game to be released was not 'Sonic the Hedgehog 2' like you thought, oh no. Nor was it 'Sonic CD,' produced for Sega's disappointingly unpopular Mega CD console. The successor to one of the best-selling video games in history is, in fact, a rather shoddy pinball outing that offers as much to those who love the original game as War of the Worlds fans will get from 'Biker Mice From Mars.'
PREMISE
As would be expected from a franchise cash-in like this, there is a skimpy plot that tries to contrive and explain the shift from platform game to pinball machine emulator. Doctor Robotnik has constructed a Veg-O-Fortress on a volcanic island, for some reason, and Sonic has spun into action to take it down level by pinball-machine-based level, smashing robotic badniks along the way.
Forget what it says in the manual, the creators of the Sonic games had clearly noticed a cheap way to sell more game cartridges before the hotly anticipated 'Sonic the Hedgehog 2' was slated to be released. Sections of the original Sonic game involved treating the spinning hedgehog as a powerful, destructive ball and it was an easy move to bring in less accomplished game developers to knock this thing together.
GAMEPLAY
Sonic Spinball is divided into several different areas that basically correspond to different tables. Unlike most pinball games, the tables have to be played in order - due to the tedious time it takes to 'complete' a level, and the fiddly difficulty of some of the end-of-stage bosses, some of the later ones may never be reached. This style also makes the idea of score, the driving force behind re-playing pinball machines, somewhat irrelevant aside from achieving extra lives at intervals.
For those who have played pinball video games before, the controls are similar but simplified for the three-button MegaDrive joypad. As with all Sonic games, the A, B and C buttons perform the same function, meaning that both left and right flippers are pressed simultaneously when Sonic is on them. The blue hedgehog can also be controlled in a similar way to the regular Sonic games, in which he walks, for very limited periods - these act only to highlight how different this is from what fans would expect of a Sonic game. There is a four player option, but again disappointingly this only involves handing the control pad over after each individual, lengthy turn.
The only feature that is different from a normal pinball game is that the ball, Sonic, can be controlled independently when in flight. Holding the left or right button swings him a little in that direction and he can even jump and launch off surfaces when the gradient is low enough. Falling between the flippers can cause death, unless the player is higher up in the stage or manages to land in a boat.
Enemies are present, but basically act as bumpers that need to be hit a few times to be dispatched, but that can hurt you if you're careless. Sonic trademarks such as collectable golden rings and the mighty chaos emeralds have also been shamelessly and pointlessly included in a failed attempt to keep continuity.
GRAPHICS AND SOUND
Despite the official-looking cover artwork and 'Sega' logo, this is far from the quality of more canonical Sonic games. Am I taking this nostalgic loyalty thing too seriously? Possibly, but this game looks bad. Sonic is short and squatty, the look of the enemies, backgrounds and obstacles bear no relation to any other Sonic game and even Robotnik has inexplicably increased in size. Gone are the impressive multi-layered backdrops, making this a more claustrophobic experience.
The music also has no coherence to the Sonic series, the repetitive 16-bit scores sounding unmemorable and unskilled, dissimilar to any other low budget console production and even lacking the trademark theme music. The sound effects become incredibly annoying after a time, especially the medium-pitched jumping noise and the sound of bumpers and enemies getting hit, but this is more a limitation of the time than the fault of the sound team. Bumbling oafs though they are.
VERDICT
Even in its own right, away from the weirdly loyal Sonic fan base, 'Sonic Spinball' is an unimpressive game. 16-bit video pinball was accomplished excellently by Digital Illusions with their 'Pinball Dreams' and 'Pinball Fantasies' releases for home computers of the time, perfected in the 32-bit 'Slamtilt' which remains one of my favourite and most played games of all time. Spinball tries to combine limited platform game action with pinball fun and an attempted plot or journey between tables, and none of this works well together. The only thing in its favour is that it wasn't a spin-off of the really terrible 'Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog' cartoon series like the unplayable Tetrisesque 'Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine' released a couple of years later.
Sonic fans should avoid, as should anyone looking for a fun and involving game. If it's the only pinball simulator on offer then it could waste some of your precious life's minutes, which is always a little fun.
Let's be realistic. It's 2005 - it's easy to avoid this outdated 1992 game. Do.
Sonic the Hedgehog 2
Written on 10.09.04
**** [What does it take to please this guy? Bringing incalculable childhood joy clearly doesn't cut it.]
The 1991 Sega MegaDrive sensation ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ was so successful and popular, rapidly rising as it did to become the biggest selling video game in Sega’s history, that commenting on the inevitability of a not-very-long-awaited sequel would be so unnecessary as to deserve a real-life Sonic spin attack, but with a metal buzzsaw rather than the blue spines of a cute but angsty hedgehog. The style and format of ‘Sonic the Hedgehog 2’ is essentially a continuation of that in Sonic 1, with refinements and improvements resulting in a slightly better and equally popular pre-Christmas release for 1992’s metaphorically hedgehog-hungry public.
TWO
The most elementary improvement in Sonic 2 was the addition of a two-player mode, necessitating the introduction of a companion character to play along Sonic. Enter the twin-tailed fox Miles Prower, or ‘Tails’ as he is better known. The one player mode automatically pairs the Sonic and Tails team, the player controlling Sonic and the Sega attempting to put the background fox character to use. Entering the options screen allows the player to choose gameplay with ‘Sonic and Tails,’ ‘Sonic Alone’ or ‘Tails Alone,’ and at this stage in the evolution of the franchise the differences are purely aesthetic: despite the storyline and differing physical traits of the duo, both characters run at the same speed, possess the same power and cannot fly.
The two player mode is separate from the main game, and involves both playing racing against each other in split screen renditions of several zones from the game to cross the finishing goal fastest. This is not the most original or compelling two player option developed by Sega, and despite a couple of fun touches such as teleporters and speed boosts, it feels like it has been added on purely to improve sales.
There is a very limited two player capability in the main game also, as pressing buttons on the second joypad hands control of Tails to the player, but this control is always short-lived and disappointing – Tails is a background character who cannot break boxes or control the movement of the screen, and once Sonic speeds ahead or leaps backwards it’s up to the MegaDrive to reset the character and fly him back in. The only benefit of Tails’ presence is that the invincible fox can occasionally act as a hairy shield.
GAMEPLAY
Once again, Sonic (and/or Tails) must race across a variety of landscapes, destroying the robotic creations of Doctor Ivo Robotnik in which the mammalian, aquatic and avian citizens of Mobius are being held as organic batteries. A confrontation with Robotnik occurs at the end of each level, aside from the final quarter of the game, but rather than having a third act of each zone dedicated to the boss fight, Robotnik is located at the climax of the second act in Sonic 2’s first eight zones.
• Emerald Hill – the usual idyllic opener, the perfect introduction to the gameplay
• Chemical Plant – a mechanical nightmare of toxic liquids and metal
• Aquatic Ruin – a lush forested paradise with underwater areas and ancient booby traps
• Casino Night – an irritating casino-style level where rings can be used as currency
• Hill Top – an Alpine landscape with perilous drops and sporadic earthquakes
• Mystic Cave – dark, dank and purple, with plenty of spikes
• Oil Ocean – tedious and large, without enough interesting things to fill the space. Slippy
• Metropolis – an immense and complex city filled with Robotnik’s machinations and funky music
• Sky Chase – Sonic and Tails take to the skies on a little red biplane, bopping badniks
• Wing Fortress – although Sonic must inhale air bubbles on the water levels, he has no trouble surviving in space
• Death Egg – the final showdown with Robotnik, as well as a robotic version of the hedgehog
The controls conform perfectly to the Sega joypad to make it easy for newcomers to grasp the gameplay: left and right move the character in those directions, while up and down can be used to peer up or down the screen respectively. Despite the three action buttons on the standard MegaDrive joypad (labelled A, B and C), pressing any of these will result in the same function. Enemies can be destroyed by bouncing on top of them or spinning through them with the new spin-dash ability (‘down’ plus any action button), while collecting rings and an energy shield will provide further protection to the player from enemies.
The special stage is interesting, but becomes very difficult after a while. Sonic (and/or Tails) race down a twisting half-pipe in less-than-glorious 3D, collecting rings and watching out for surprise appearances by bombs. This is fun, but collecting those chaos emeralds becomes very difficult.
GRAPHICS & SOUND
The 16-bit capabilities of the MegaDrive console resulted in improved graphics every subsequent year, even leading to an attempted three-dimensional style in the disappointing ‘Sonic 3D,’ but Sonic 2’s graphics were never intended to impress. They have advanced from the first game only in terms of a slightly different artistic style, and the addition of shading and lighting effects to the characters.
The game music is again nothing extraordinary, but each stage features a distinctive and relevant score to add to the experience – the Emerald Hill theme is upbeat and catchy, Mystic Cave is eerie and menacing and Sky Chase is overblown with synthesised horns.
VERDICT
Sonic 2 was not revolutionary, and was intended merely to continue Sega’s success with platform games by maintaining a high quality standard. Tails was the first in a long line of additional characters to enter the Sonic universe over the following decade and beyond, although players may have been disappointed when they discovered that his eponymous tails were of no real use in this game – that would be remedied the following year in the imaginatively titled ‘Sonic 3.’
The Sonic games were intended to be fast, fun and reasonably difficult, without the extra depth of competing series such as Nintendo’s Super Mario and Zelda, but they possess enormous replay value: I still shove in the Sonic 2 cartridge when I feel like a fast-paced arcade romp, although I never play as Tails. There may be no physical difference between the characters whatsoever, but he’s still an idiot.
Twelve Years Too Late: Sonic 2 Cheat Codes
Anyone who still enjoys playing Sonic 2 will undoubtedly already know these cheat codes – twelve years of beginning at Emerald Hill every time would surely have sent me to some form of asylum – but here they are anyway. The numbers can be entered by pressing the B or C buttons on the sound test section of the options screen.
Level Select: 19, 65, 09, 17
Super Sonic: 04, 01, 02, 06 (from the level select screen)
Debug Mode: 01, 09, 09, 02, 01, 01, 02, 04 (from the level select screen)
Cutting edge stuff.
Advantages: Simple fun and a cheap thrill, Varied levels and nice graphics, Hidden discoveries
Disadvantages: Tails is disappointingly useless, Two-player mode isn't up to scratch, Nothing original
Sonic the Hedgehog 3
The Floating Island
Written on 24.06.04
****
Dropping the now-unnecessary ‘The Hedgehog’ from the title (a quick glance at the over-perspectived blue animal on the cover clearly shows that the game deals with some kind of mammal), Sega released a not-very-long-awaited successor to the not-very-long-awaited sequel to the original platform game Sonic the Hedgehog, the game that, while not being particularly revolutionary, spearheaded Sega into the home computer game market.
With this game, Sega decided to venture a little bit into ‘roleplaying’ territory; being a Sonic game it still mainly involved rushing through levels and bopping robotic enemies to fight Doctor Robotnik in some crazy contraption at the end, but a few well thought-out touches were made to ensure this would not simply be a re-hashing of the previous games, as successful as they were. This time the levels are much larger and involve travelling up and down to access areas instead of simply heading to the right. A storyline was also introduced to run into the next game and this was, for the most part, successful.
STORY
At the end of Sonic 2, Sonic the Hedgehog and his clearly-worse companion Miles ‘Tails’ Prower defeated Doctor Ivo Robotnik in his Death Egg spacecraft, a craft that was almost exactly like the Death Star from 1977’s ‘Star Wars’ but had Robotnik’s face on the front to make it somehow different and evading any copyright infringement. The duo assumed he was dead, or at least unable to pose a threat to Mobius any longer, but unknown to them his escape pod crashed on the Floating Island, a legendary landmass that flies in the sky. Robotnik befriends the island’s sole occupant, a pink echidna named Knuckles, and pours word pestilence into his ear regarding Sonic and Tails. Now with Knuckles on his side, Robotnik sets about constructing a base from which to build and launch his second Death Egg.
A bit like the Empire constructing a second Death Star in ‘Return of the Jedi,’ but it’s different as it has Robotnik’s face on it again.
ZONES
The change in location from Mobius to the Floating Island doesn’t have much of an impact at this stage, as there is the usual mix of idyllic countryside, industrial chaos and harshly elemental stages.
1. ANGEL ISLAND ZONE
A short intro animation sees Sonic (in SuperSonic form thanks to the Chaos Emeralds discovered in Sonic 2) and Tails flying towards the new landmass, when a spiked fist knocks Sonic’s emeralds from him. It is Knuckles, as you would know if you’d bothered reading the introduction. The first half of stage one occurs in this huge tropical paradise, featuring waterfalls, breakable walls and some pleasant steel drum-esque music infiltrating the traditional Sega score before one of Robotnik’s machines flies down and torches the place. The remainder of the time is spent in a desecrated version of the level before a fight with Robotnik plunges you into the depths…
2. HYDROCITY ZONE
The trademark underwater level on which huge air bubbles are necessary for survival, this thankfully takes a different spin on the format established with Sonic 1’s ‘Labyrinth Zone’ and Sonic 2’s ‘Aquatic Zone’ by situating everything in an ancient, ruined city that has been flooded. These levels involve travelling upwards and downwards as much as left and right, and as such are fairly hard and enjoyable.
3. MARBLE GARDEN ZONE
Although these levels look fantastic and are very varied, I became bored with them over time. Located outdoors again, but this time in a large area that I could only really describe as a ‘marble garden,’ ancient stone ruins covered with flourishing plant life. There are plenty of dangers to be found though, as this complex is fairly self-contained and there are a number of traps left behind by the island’s dwellers that are now being manipulated by Robotnik. What a get.
4. CARNIVAL NIGHT ZONE
My least favourite level as it’s basically bloody annoying. The night time fairground theme is a change from the other levels but not a particularly welcome one, especially as most of the enemies are hard to hit and there are too many traps to be passed. It does make a change though, and is different enough not to seem simply ‘bulk’ to diversify the game.
5. ICE CAP ZONE
An excellent level with fantastic atmosphere, as expected this is a frozen ‘zone,’ although I’m clueless as to how a small island could support such radically different terrain. The levels mainly involve traversing ice caves with deadly frozen water and some nice touches such as the ‘monitor boxes’ Sonic breaks being covered with a breakable ice layer. The bosses are both situated outside however, and there’s some nice perspective work going on to make the floating ice sheets in the background look three dimensional. The music’s nice here as well.
6. LAUNCH BASE ZONE
The final stage, this is different from the others as it is entirely man-made and not natural to the island; Robotnik has constructed this large base to build his new Death Egg. Constructed it by himself. And included a lot of convenient ways for his enemies to infiltrate the important areas. The yellowish colour scheme is quite a nice touch, and there are even some brief underwater sections to keep the diversity. At the end of this stage, Sonic pushes Knuckles into the water (that is a fight for another day) and proceeds to the launching Death Egg to teach Robotnik a lesson about making his ultimate base more secure.
GAMEPLAY
The Sega joypad is again used to control this game in the expected way: left and right move Sonic or Tails in those directions, up causes them to look upwards and down to look downwards, while the A, B and C buttons each conduct the same function of making the characters jump. Double-pressing a jump button causes Tails to fly briefly, making him the ideal character for young people to love playing before they realise that his more all-round traits make him the least enjoyable option, and allow Sonic to energise a split-second force-field.
The game is still based on the system established in the debut: Sonic (or Tails) collect rings and break open monitor boxes to earn power ups and receive energy shields, however these are based on fire, water and electricity this time round and each have their advantages. Sans shield and sans ring makes any enemy’s touch deadly, although these can be easily dispatched by jumping on or spinning through them.
Entering a starpost with fifty or more rings takes Sonic (or Tails) to the special stage, a three dimensional environment in which the player has to ‘collect’ blue spheres and avoid red spheres to obtain the elusive Chaos Emeralds.
VERDICT
I was a huge fan of the Sonic series, as may be obvious by my ability to recall the rather flimsy storyline, and this was indeed an impressive attempt to expand the franchise… slightly. The level designs are excellent and diverse enough to encourage repeated plays, and this game works even better when combined with Sonic & Knuckles; see my review on that game if you’re interested. The level of detail in the graphics is better than before, especially notable in the backgrounds and the new looks for Sonic and Tails, while the music is easily distinguishable and interesting – most notable is Knuckles’ spooky theme (replaced by a less intimidating banjo theme in the next game when he changes allegiance to the side of the good guys) and the funky theme of the ‘Launch Base Zone.’
The option to save the game caused mixed reactions, and it seemed mainly a way for Sega to show off their improving abilities in cartridge memory features. It means you can at least save your completed games with the chaos emeralds all collected in order to play through with ‘Super Sonic,’ but it also takes away some of the challenge that was present in the previous games. Either way, Sonic 3 will take you longer to complete due to its huge levels.
As long as you own the game originally (I believe this is the requirement, but you could always just pretend), this game along with many others can be downloaded on a MegaDrive emulator for the PC. Personally I use the Gens emulator which can be easily downloaded and played straight off, but as this requires the keyboard I still enjoy sticking the original cartridge in the MegaDrive and playing it the way God, and more appropriately Yuji Naka the Sonic creator, intended.
Advantages: Great graphics and sound, Interesting evolution of the game, Special zones add some variety
Disadvantages: Save option makes it a little easy, Similar to the first two games
Sonic & Knuckles
Enter the Echidna
Written on 14.06.04
****
Sega MegaDrive owners didn’t have to wait long for the fourth Sonic release, a game that received even greater publicity than the previous, highly popular releases. Based on a very similar format to the third Sonic game, and using many of the exact same graphic engines and level designs, this was designed as a second half to that game’s storyline and events. As with all Sonic games, it was also very fun and very fast.
PLOT
At the end of Sonic 2, Sonic the Hedgehog and Miles ‘Tails’ Prower (miles per hour, do you see?) defeated the evil Doctor Robotnik inside his huge space station, the copyright-infringing Death Egg. Instead of plummeting to his death, Robotnik landed on the legendary Floating Island in the sky. Befriending the island’s sole inhabitant, an echidna named Knuckles (surely you know what an echidna is, you idiot?) due to his mean fist-spikes, Robotnik informed him that the evil Sonic the Hedgehog was a powerful dictator who used the animals of the planet below to power his machines. What Robotnik was doing there was lying to Knuckles; I know that may have seemed obvious and pedantic to say, but these things have to be made clear.
Robotnik stole the island’s Chaos Emeralds, the mysterious jewels that kept it afloat, and the Floating Island fell down to the sea of Mobius where it still floated, only on water instead of in the sky, if you see. At the start of Sonic 3, Sonic and Tails are messing around a little irresponsibly with their plane and come across a new landmass they had not seen before. It is the Floating Island, as you had obviously guessed. Throughout the six zones of that game, Sonic and Tails went after Robotnik and were continuously put off by Knuckles: they eventually destroyed the rebuilt Death Egg and were happy, assuming you completed it. It wasn’t that hard.
Fortunately for Robotnik, his Death Egg landed right on top of a volcano where it could be easily repaired. Will Knuckles learn the truth about Robotnik when he attempts to steal the Master emerald? (Yes) Will he join forces with Sonic eventually? (Obviously) Can you play as either Sonic or Knuckles in this game? (Yes, but Sonic’s game is better) Can you play as Tails? (No, thankfully. He is rubbish)
THE SPECIAL CARTRIDGE
The most talked about feature of this game prior to its release was its revolutionary method of expanding gameplay: in the top of the game cartridge was a slot into which another game cartridge could be fitted. This was designed specifically to allow the previous three games in the Sonic series to be plugged in, but it was at least an innovative idea. An idea that never took off though. The introduction of Sony’s PlayStation meant that Sega had to offer more to appeal to the average gamer than a fancy extra slot on a cartridge, although granted the Sega Saturn console wasn’t much more impressive.
This cartridge slot was incredibly beneficial to the Sonic playing experience though, as Sonic 3 had been designed with this feature in mind. By combining these two games, players were able to play through every level of Sonic 3 and Sonic & Knuckles in a 32-bit adventure, achieving greater bonuses throughout and also having the opportunity to save the game.
I still wish Sega had produced more of these top-slot cartridges though, especially if they could be continuously added until a flimsy five-metre tower powered the greatest game known to man. It’s probably for the best though, as that idea is incredibly stupid and clearly not possible.
• Sonic & Knuckles + Sonic 3 = ‘Sonic 3 & Knuckles’: the combination of all Sonic 3 and Sonic & Knuckles levels that can be played through using any of the characters. Also has a save function.
• Sonic & Knuckles + Sonic the Hedgehog 2 = ‘Knuckles the Echidna in Sonic the Hedgehog 2’: All the levels of Sonic 2, but with Knuckles as the character. Very fun for people bored with the original game, although it’s nothing too special as nothing new is added.
• Sonic & Knuckles + Sonic the Hedgehog (1) = ‘No Way’: The characters from the games appear on the screen with the cheerful sign ‘No Way!’ However, pressing the A,B and C buttons allow access to levels based on the Sonic 3 special stages, which can be played in order and are very hard. But no, Knuckles cannot be played in Sonic 1.
• Sonic & Knuckles + any other MegaDrive game: This will either not work at all, bringing up a black screen, or it will give a ‘No Way’ screen that leads to randomly generated bonus levels as mentioned above.
GAMEPLAY
There are six further zones in this game, similar to those in Sonic 3 but a little more interesting. The game is again based on travelling in a generally right direction and features bosses at the end of each stage.
1. MUSHROOM HILL ZONE
Quite a pleasant countryside environment, littered with huge bouncy mushrooms and plenty of secret openings to ring portals. The first levels on Sonic games were always pleasant and grassy, and this is no exception.
2. FLYING BATTERY ZONE
Robotnik’s airship is the focus of this stage, although I still don’t understand why he’d fill the interior with so many useful passages to its main sections. It’s almost as if he expected company.
3. SANDOPOLIS ZONE
A long-overdue Egyptian themed level. The first stage takes place outside in a nice looking desert environment, while the second occurs within the Sandopolis pyramid itself. Very interesting and aesthetically pleasing.
4. LAVA REEF ZONE
Inside the volcano on the way to Robotnik’s Death Egg, Sonic’s path through is much more complex than the easy routes offered to Knuckles. He is the island’s guardian after all. A fire shield is pretty essential for most of this zone.
5. HIDDEN PALACE ZONE
Short and mainly a piece of storyline, this is where Sonic and Knuckles become allies. No enemies apart from some spikes.
6. SKY SANCTUARY ZONE
For Knuckles, this is the last level and involves fighting a robotic Sonic. For the blue hedgehog himself, this is a treacherous path upwards to the Death Egg in which several old bosses come back to haunt long-time Sonic players.
7. DEATH EGG ZONE
This level, set inside the huge Death Star – sorry, Egg I mean – and outside in space, is a fitting end to the game. It can only be played by Sonic (or Tails if you’ve been playing the Sonic 3 plug-in) and the final ensemble of bosses is the hardest part of the game.
8. THE DOOMSDAY ZONE
Only accessible if the player has found all the chaos emeralds or super emeralds, this sees Super Sonic or Hyper Sonic (depending on your emeralds) flying through space to catch up with Robotnik and save the Master Emerald to access the true ending of the game and get the Floating Island back to the sky.
GRAPHICS & SOUND
The graphics on this game are in the same style as Sonic 3 and are very detailed for a 16-bit game, a big step from those of the first Sonic game in 1991. Everything is discernible and looks nice, while the musical score is interesting, catchy and very memorable. Sound effects are clever and appropriate, but nothing special; there are still no voices or written dialogue on the game, as it is essentially a straightforward platformer.
VERDICT
I was a huge Sonic fan in the mid-90s: I collected the official comics by Fleetway, I bought the adventure game books and I even had the MegaDrive games. These were best though.
Sonic & Knuckles is basically ‘Sonic 3 part II’ and this is prominent in every aspect of the game, but in some ways it is an improvement. The save feature made Sonic 3 far too easy to complete and this game does not have one, unless of course it is played in conjunction with Sonic 3. ‘Sonic 3 & Knuckles’ was the Sonic game I played the most as it was, for once, a large-scale Sonic game that took a while to complete. Sonic’s game was the most interesting, however playing as Knuckles, with his glide ability and wall-climbing skills, was fun at first.
Sonic & Knuckles can be bought at low prices for the MegaDrive, if you still have one, however there are several good MegaDrive emulators that can be downloaded. ‘Gens’ is the one I would recommend, and I recently downloaded a ROM of ‘Sonic 3 & Knuckles.’ I still prefer to play it on the MegaDrive though: those were the days.
Advantages: Very fast and fun, more so than previous games, Involving storyline and great level designs, Cartridge slot is interesting, if a bit of a failed premise
Disadvantages: Nothing too original after Sonic 3
Sonic 3D: Flickies' Island
Bad Idea Sega
Written on 03.04.04
*
In the Clash of the Titans that was the 16-Bit Console Wars between the Super Nintendo and the Sega MegaDrive, the need to innovate new games to attract the public became increasingly important. In 1995 it was evident that Sony were going to release their powerful Playstation console very soon and Sega decided to try one final outing for their iconic blue hedgehog. The plan was to attract even more people to the MegaDrive with a groundbreaking three-dimensional game like none seen before. Unfortunately, being the arbiters of bad decisions from this point right through to the collapse pf their Dreamcast console in 2000, Sega instead brought out a very rubbish, boring and tedious game unimaginatively titled 'Sonic 3D.'
The previous Sonic games, namely 1991's Sonic the Hedgehog, 1992's Sonic 2, 1993's Sonic 3 and 1994's Sonic & Knuckles - not Sonic 4 like you all thought - had been based on the platform game format in which a character could proceed left and right, up and down through increasingly large and impressive levels. I could go into detail about the storylines, settings and motivations behind the characters (I actually could as I have issues 21-100 of Sonic the Comic in the loft somewhere) but I'm going to spare you this. Let's just say, the completely separate storyline of Sonic 3D makes Mr. Creosote's "wafer thin" mint look like a lasagne.
THE GAME
To start with, Sonic 3D is not properly three-dimensional, it is instead based on an isometric 'aerial view' upon the action. The first properly 3D Sonic game, 'Sonic R,' came out on the Sega Saturn before they finally got it right with the Dreamcast's 'Sonic Adventure.' This downward view makes everything in the game far more complex than it needs to be, as it is very frustrating trying to judge how far the spinning ball that is your character will travel if you press 'up.' This makes every single aspect of the game very annoying.
PLOT
There is a small island on Sonic's world where the evil Doctor Robotnik has returned to his evil ways of imprisoning the native animals inside his robotic badniks as living batteries. He presumably thought he would succeed this time round, despite having been beaten consecutive times by the blue hedgehog in the previous games, the comics and that awful cartoon series. The native animals are birds called 'Flickies,' which have the power to open dimensional portals or... something. Anyway, once wind gets down Sonic's neck of the woods, the blue hedgehog with "attitude" heads there to stop him, without the company of his friends this time.
LEVELS
Sonic games had always featured a variety of locations, from volcanoes and submerged labyrinths to grassy mountains and cybernetic metropolises (that is a word). Sonic 3D starts with the relatively pastoral 'Green Grove Zone,' which features nice waterfalls and a chequered floor throughout the level, but once you arrive in the second zone it becomes clear that the chequered floor is present on every single level, just in a different colour. Talk about unimaginative! No amount of ice sheets or flaming craters in the corners are going to fool me into thinking I'm playing different levels with different experiences; at least in the older games I was believably deceived, and I enjoyed it. Robotnik's contraptions at the end of each level are also very badly designed and all work on the principle that he's a little too high for you to reach, so you have to wait for him to foolishly drop something on the floor that you can use to boost your height. Pathetic.
CONTROLS
The controls are as expected on the MegaDrive joypad: up, down, left and right move Sonic in those directions. The A and C buttons make him jump, while pressing B performs the 'spin dash' move that can destroy the enemies as well. Rest assured, anyone playing this game will spend a lot of time angrily moving their fingers right around the directional pad as they try and get Sonic onto that platform.
OVERALL
Sonic 3D was not a success, and doesn't deserve to be; the new format completely ruined the point of the game and made it feel very restricting, and the levels are all basically identical. I'm not sure why Sega decided it would be a good idea to release this, which clearly pales in comparison to Donkey Kong Country and other Super Nintendo games of the time in terms of graphics and playability, but they can't let sleeping 'hogs lie. Nowadays I only play old games to relive the fun times and let me tell you my friends, this ain't no fist of fun. [Meaningless Lee and Herring reference.]
Advantages: None that I can see- devoted Sonic fans will feel the need to buy it
Disadvantages: Difficult to control, Very poor level designs, Uninteresting story in comparison to previous games
Sonic Adventure
Sonic's Latest Adventure
Written on 01.07.00 [One of my earliest reviews at the start of my freelance writing career, written when I was 14. Four years younger than the age requirement to actually earn money on the site, but they didn't have to know]
*****
Probably the pilot game of the Dreamcast [Knowledgeable from the onset], Sonic Adventure is by far one of my favourite games. [I'd hardly even played it, it was my brothers' thing. Why did I think this was required?] The graphics are incredible as is the sheer speed of the game, and there's a great story. ['Great' count: 1]
You can play as many characters which is great [2], and each one has a different story and original levels. Sonic's game has the most levels, while Big the Cat's levels revolve around fishing and can get tedious. The levels incorporate many types of game, most notably driving games [Don't need any other examples], and are very fast paced. [You already said that.]
The music is great [3], as are the graphics. [That's those subjects dealt with!] This is certainly going to be a hard game to beat, and I only hope the upcoming Sonic Adventure 2 manages to improve on an almost flawless game. [Have I hit the minimum word count yet?]
Star Trek: Borg
Written on 07.08.06
**
The success of ‘Star Trek: Klingon,’ a PC game that effectively played as an interactive movie with insights into Klingon culture, led to an immediate sequel focusing on the far less interesting Borg, the organic Daleks/Cybermen/zombies of the Star Trek universe. Produced in 1995 but released in 1996, ‘Star Trek: Borg’ arrived at just the right time to cash in on the increased popularity of the villains after their appearance in the ‘First Contact’ feature film. Unfortunately for the producers, the new-look Borg and Federation of the film pretty much invalidated the now-archaic realism that was attempted by using genuine TV sets and recognisable actors.
An interactive movie, ‘Borg’ plays out like a first-person TV episode, which should be every fan’s dream come true. The restrictions of the format mean that your character’s name, appearance and attributes are all selected for you, but this at least allows for a quick start to the game. Characters all stare directly down the digital camera lens to talk to the player, and every so often a decision point is reached: the action remains reasonably static and a Borg cube mouse cursor icon appears, which must be used by the player to make a decision on screen to affect progress. That’s pretty much the game.
The cube icon appears on screen for an allotted time, somewhere in the region of ten seconds, and in every instance there are at least two, but as many as ten options available for selection (especially evident when selecting numbers from a keypad). The player can only make one selection, but – and this is important – failure to act also counts as a decision. This mostly leads to disaster, but there are two instances in the game where deliberate procrastination is the correct solution. The game can be paused at any time, causing a small Starfleet tricorder to appear as the mouse cursor. Data on key areas of the frozen game screen can be accessed this way, something that again proves invaluable on a couple of rare occasions.
The player controls the actions of Starfleet Academy cadet Qaylan Furlong, informed by his commanding officer that the Borg have invaded Federation space a second time (further indicating that the events of ‘Star Trek: First Contact’ were entirely unknown at the time of production.) Furlong’s father was killed in the first Borg attack ten years previously at Wolf 359 (you know, when Picard was assimilated and became Locutus of Borg. I’ve lost you, haven’t I? I have wasted my life). Furlowe’s pain is still strong, but fortunately the mischievous omnipotent alien Q appears and offers a chance to put things right in the past, just because he feels like it, to save your father’s ship.
Jump back in time ten years, to the bridge of the U.S.S. Righteous during the events of Wolf 359. Possessing the body of the tactical officer whose death led to the ship’s destruction, you leap to safety and begin to change history. With Q at your side as quasi-helpful wise guy, himself possessing the ship’s handily named Doctor Quint, you set events in motion to hinder the Borg’s progress to Earth. John DeLancie is, as usual, quite good at playing the exaggerated role of Q, made famous in numerous episodes of ‘The Next Generation.’ It can’t have taken much convincing for DeLancie to don the mock-captain’s uniform once again, as the actor seems to relish every opportunity to cash in on that character in any form, despite claiming to fear typecasting. He is the new Leonard “I Am Not Spock” Nimoy.
‘Borg’ is a relatively enjoyable game, but the novelty wears off fairly fast, and this was even the case ten years ago when it was a new release. The initial excitement at being ‘free’ to wander around a starship in first-person is vaporised when you realise just how limiting the pre-filmed adventure is. There are always a couple of options, some of which lead to destruction, but these mainly involve experiencing the same important events in a more roundabout way, with distractions. ‘Borg’ can be saved at any point, and as you can imagine, the option to save before every single decision point means that the right solutions can easily be found through trial, error and reload. Even if you do make the wrong decision, Q appears against a white background and tells you to go back and sort it out.
It’s also pretty annoying that some of the puzzles are less than logical. The correct course of action, when presented with a particularly nasty-looking piece of Borg equipment, is to leave the cursor along and not touch anything, leading to commendation from the characters who agree, “we’d better not touch anything until we know it’s safe.” I’m sure I wasn’t the only one to try every option on screen before giving in and seeing how the thing played out. The relative simplicity of the 16-bit game [It won't have been 16-bit] also means that occasional errors creep in, at least on my Windows 95 version, leading to the cursor disappearing altogether or being rendered otherwise impotent.
Despite these criticisms (and less pressing nitpicks involving historically inaccurate uniforms and technology discrepancies), ‘Borg’ is quite interesting, and boasts some genuine shocking moments in the storyline, written by Hilary Bader. The main characters, including the player, are all assimilated into Borg drones, years before ‘Star Trek: Voyager’ tried to pass off a similar shock ending as original, and the comedy scenes with Q aren’t bad, despite being incredibly out of place and irritating at times. All the acting is of a reasonably high standard, certainly what can be expected of supporting characters in the TV series, and in fact some of the actors have appeared elsewhere in the series. The epic space fight scene with the Borg is lifted completely and shamelessly from the first episode of ‘Star Trek: Deep Space Nine,’ but it still looks really good here, and makes the interactive movie’s budget seem that much larger.
Star Trek fans looking for a video game more fitting to the spirit of the show than the standard space-battle simulators may be impressed by Star Trek Borg, although it hasn’t aged particularly well. Graphics aren’t much of an issue as the whole thing is recorded on video cameras, but the game is very limited, and as mentioned at the start, the Star Trek films reinvented the Borg straight after this game was released, and they only went on to become increasingly perverted and diluted by Voyager. The predecessor ‘Star Trek: Klingon’ is a better game, much more believable and interesting in its departure from the standard Starfleet fare, although the assimilation aspect of ‘Star Trek: Borg’ at least keeps things interesting and playable. Klingons are clearly more interesting than Borg though. Qa’pla.
The entire package is spread across three CDs: one for installation, one to play the game, and the third a Borg-only update to the digital reference archive, ‘Star Trek Omnipedia.’ The latter program has been rendered entirely obsolete by the Star Trek Wikipedia off-shoot ‘Memory Alpha,’ and the entire non-porn internet in general. An interesting feature of the game is that a full, non-interactive movie of saved games can be played and viewed each time, omitting the ‘decision points’ but including any incorrect decisions and restarts. In my youth, I had a saved game where I made all the right choices, which lasted around twenty-five minutes, and one where I made every wrong choice first, which lasted almost an hour.
Combining Q and the Borg in a blatant fan-pleasing endeavour, ‘Star Trek: Borg’ is at least well written and something different from the standard shoot-em-up fare of Star Trek video games. Sort of a live action version of ‘Dragon’s Lair’ and ‘Space Ace,’ a similar interactive DVD release wouldn’t be out of the question, but would seem a little odd in light of Trek continuity. At least the series was stopped here, before titles like ‘Star Trek: Romulan,’ ‘Star Trek: Random Species from Episode 79’ or ‘Star Trek: Erotic Green Alien Women’ appeared on shelves. Alright, I’d buy that last one.
‘Star Trek: Borg’ is published by Simon & Schuster Interactive for Windows 95, and can be played on more advanced systems. No longer available from retailers, I bought mine second-hand in 1998 for about £3. [That's useful to know in 2006.]
Advantages: Good acting, and a well-written plot.
Disadvantages: Dull, dated and extremely limited.
Super Mario World
The Golden Age of Plumbing
**** [What does it take to get five stars from you? Clearly this delightful game that filled up the lonely summer of '95 isn't up to the high standard of Nationwide.co.uk]
Written on 13.08.04
The early nineties saw children divided into four groups, as sociologists will be aware: those who had a Sega MegaDrive; those who had a Super Nintendo; those who had both and were also rich and irritating; and those who had neither, but really wanted one. I passed through three of those phases over the course of several years, originally owning Sega MegaDrive and later supplementing it with a Super Nintendo. I was a class traitor, I admit it, and Sonic the Hedgehog would always hold a special place in my heart over the much less interesting moustachioed plumber, but in 1995 I finally realised the joys of Super Mario World, the peak of the Mario format.
Super Mario World expanded on the previous games immensely as it was the first of the series to be released on the Super, rather than regular, Nintendo. This allowed for a much larger game with improved graphics and sound as well as more versatile controls through the new joypad. With its world map layout, special options, secret areas and faux-RPG style, this was an addictive game that was also manageably difficult for once, as there was no longer any need to keep the players stuck on the same frustrating level for a few months to cover the fact that the older games were incredibly basic and limited.
STORY
Let’s get this over with, then. The main difference in Mario World’s plot over that of the earlier games comes with the introduction of the dinosaur character Yoshi, on whom Mario can ride around. The setting has also shifted from wherever the previous games were to the more manageable Dinosaur Land, divided into a large number of different areas with varying climatic conditions, many of which can be viewed on the main world map. Story-wise however, there is absolutely no change: that Princess Toadstool has been kidnapped by the reptilian menace Bowser yet again for reasons unknown (let’s not speculate about disgusting sexual scenarios) and the plumber sets out alone, unless you opt for two-player mode, to get her back and thwart that scaly scourge.
Every area of the world includes a fortified castle at the end of the regular stages, each of which is occupied by a member of Bowser’s family that you may remember from the rubbish cartoon series that ran alongside the release of these games. After defeating each of these, a spotted dinosaur egg containing the developing embryo of one of Yoshi’s dino chums can be recovered, however these serve no relevance to the gameplay – each castle basically has to be completed to allow access to the next level.
GAMEPLAY
The Mario games were always kept very simple so that young players wouldn’t be put off, but there are some advanced elements introduced here that can take a while to get to grips with – most notably the flying technique when a feather is collected and the controls of the various coloured Yoshis in the hidden areas. The levels are all set out in basic platform game style with floating ledges to bounce between and the usual dangers of enemies and pits, although there is some variation to keep things interesting such as underwater levels and stages based on flying.
This game borders on RPG (role-playing game) territory, but its simplicity prevents it from reaching that level of intricacy. The world map is fairly non-linear in places as players can discover keys, hidden exits and other means of accessing a different level than the usual destination, and although it’s very easy to amass a huge number of extra lives, the save option only recalls your progress and not your situation.
The twist of Mario games was always the items that could be collected to modify the player, and these still remain. The large mushrooms turn Mario into Super Mario who is a bit bigger, doesn’t die instantly and can break fragile platforms if desired; the fire flower (now pretty redundant) is Super Mario in red and white with fireball capability, and finally the feather changes Mario into Super Mario with a yellow cape who can fly, as long as you understand the controls required. Mario 3 boasted a much larger array of costumes and abilities for Mario, but many of these were unnecessary and only served to make the game more complicated.
The two player mode is based on a turn system as each player (or the one player, if he’s a bit lonely) controls Mario or Luigi – a green Mario who is otherwise completely identical – and play switches when a player dies or completes a level.
GRAPHICS & SOUND
The graphics seem to be deliberately simplified in this game, as the SNES console had much higher capabilities than are shown here, but this is again an attempt to keep the game simplistic and attractive to children. The graphics are never a problem in any case, and this is a far cry from the original NES Mario Brothers game in which Mario’s head consisted of about twelve squares. This game is very colourful, but many areas have specific colour schemes to suit their setting.
The sounds on the game are also nothing special or impressive, and most of the music is very repetitive, although not dominant enough to become really annoying. There are still no voices for characters at this stage which can only be a good thing, but there is a tendency to re-use sound effects for unrelated events. This is basically an old, early console game though, and high quality graphics and sound wouldn’t be expected.
VERDICT
Nintendo designed this game to have longevity, and it certainly does: it took my young self several dedicated weeks to complete it in full, discovering the secret areas, and it still remains an enjoyable game to play through when I am particularly bored. The two player option isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and this is basically a one player game that children could discuss with their friends the next day, learning how to access the Star Road and, more impressively, the Special Star Road. I can do it all, so there.
Aside from the new capabilities of the SNES format such as the save option and larger level space, this isn’t exactly an original title, based as it is on the previous games while incorporating elements of Zelda and other contemporary RPGs, but it balances out difficulty with fun, fast gameplay to create a Mario game that is finally able to compete with Sonic. The hedgehog with attitude was still better than the plumber with gratitude though.
Advantages: Engrossing and enjoyable, Can be enjoyed by all ages, Plenty of hidden areas and secrets
Disadvantages: A little repetitive, Nothing too original, Not as impressive any more
Super Mario All-Stars
Written on 01.08.06
***** [Quantity over quality then]
It's difficult to believe that Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) owners used to pay in excess of 30 pounds for one simplistic game cartridge, containing as much as 200 KB of data. The move from 8- to 16-bit game consoles in the early 1990s saw popular titles from the older platforms, such as Nintendo's Super Mario Bros. series, re-released and re-vamped, complete with ever more extortionate price tag, in a practice that has unashamedly continued to this day. Thankfully, one shred of uncharacteristic generosity entered the Nintendo pipeline in the form of the four-for-the-price-of-one compilation cartridge, 'Super Mario All-Stars.'
'All-Stars' collects together the four canonical Super Mario Bros. NES games and updates them for SNES audiences. Gone are the blocky retro character designs and limited palettes, with new backgrounds adding three-dimensional effects and cartoon-realistic eyes. Even the primitive sound effects have been improved upon, without losing any of their original charm; this even goes for the excellent steel drum musical themes, which sound better than ever. Basic gameplay remains the same, the practical move from two- to four-button joypads merely doubling the existing jump and run options.
Pressing the start button on the title screen brings up the menu of playable titles, all old favourites with the exception of 'The Lost Levels,' the continuation-of-sorts to the first Mario Bros. game, which was originally available only in Japan (under the deceptive title 'Super Mario Bros 2'). Here in this collection, we have 'Super Mario Bros,' 'Super Mario Bros: The Lost Levels,' 'Super Mario Bros 2' (the Western version this time) and 'Super Mario Bros 3.' With the exception of the afore-mentioned Lost Levels, each release stands independent and distinctive in the Mario legacy. There are various save options for each game too, which prove very handy.
Tackling each game individually, there is a clear progression between the titles. All are relatively simplistic left-to-right scrolling platform games, the player's objective being to travel to the exit at the far right of the stage by eliminating or avoiding enemies, collecting power-ups and coins when possible, and navigating between solid ground and free-floating platforms. The debut title is the most simplistic of the lot, featuring some variation in level style and play, from fertile grassland to less hospitable dungeons, but is still great fun to play. A two-player game only in terms of turn-taking, as with other Mario releases of the time, players could control either Mario (red) or Luigi (green, and noticeably taller here to add extra diversity). The enemy sprites consisted largely of Koopa Troopa turtles and those little squashy brown things with the feet. 'The Lost Levels' follows exactly the same style, but adapts each level to prove more challenging to veteran players.
Things get more interesting and complex with Mario 2, even if some of the more elaborate changes evidently proved unpopular due to their omission from later sequels. Players can now choose from a cast of Mario, Luigi, Princess Peach and Toad, the short toadstool headed guy. The premise this time round is something really pathetic and contrived, something along the lines of escaping from Mario's nightmare world or something, but basically involves traversing various stages and terrains and defeating repetitive boss monsters along the way. I admire this game's more artistic moments, such as the puzzle element introduced by the system of cursed keys and the bizarre extra-dimensional realm of bonus mushrooms accessed through magic doors, but on the whole it’s less rewarding than the other two major titles. It's interesting to play the different characters to see their various special moves: Mario is the plain all-rounder, Luigi can jump long, high and slow, Toad's a fast little blighter and the Princess can float momentarily because she wears a dress. Nevertheless, there's plenty of playing time from this one, and enemies have to be dispatched by throwing items rather than simply bopping them on the head.
The best of the bunch is the more recent title, 'Super Mario Bros 3.' Returning to the Mario/Luigi two-player style of the first, this introduced the map system allowing some small degree of freedom in the otherwise linear gameplay, and introduced a whole load of new collectable items to Mario's inventory, most notably the autumnal leaf that allows the characters to sprout racoon tails and fly for a brief period. There are many more stages in each world, and plenty of variation between them: my personal favourite is the fourth world, where many of the same things happen as have come before, but both the landscape and the nasty critters occupying it have increased drastically in size. Each world features a mini-castle and a final confrontation with one of Bowser's offspring on a flying fortress to a synthesised variation on Holst's 'Bringer of War' theme. This is a really cool game that would only be topped by its predecessor, 'Super Mario World.'
The three-and-a-half games collected here are all NES classics, and collecting them together in one tidy package is economical and sensible. Controls are straightforward, and won’t take long to get to grips with once the clumsy joypad enters the player's hands: the directional pad moves the players left or right, the under-used up and down buttons only really proving useful when ducking, swimming or entering pipes from above or below. The red and yellow (A and B) buttons perform identical jumps, and the green and blue (X and Y) buttons activate the faster run mode. Whichever button your thumb feels most comfortable with.
The graphics and sound are nice, vibrant and enjoyable, although there are no doubt some die-hard retro fans who view the SNES re-mastering as a blasphemous act. This package was extremely popular, achieving a reported 10.55 million sales. A 1994 re-release included the additional 'Super Mario World,' and was bundled with editions of the Super Nintendo sold in the early-mid-90s, the rest of the games remaining unchanged. Even without this addition, Super Mario All-Stars was an essential purchase for all patriotic rivals of Sega's blue hedgehog with attitude, even if a kindly Italian plumber is admittedly somewhat less happ'nin.
Advantages: Four classic games in an economical and affordable package, re-mastered and de-bugged.
Disadvantages: Not the originals.
Superfrog
Superfrog Sells Out!
Written on 04.08.06
****
Construct a basic platform game, sell sponsorship rights to an energy drink manufacturer, and think of an animal that hasn’t been anthropomorphised in any major video game manner before. Well, apart from in Frogger, but that’s different. Enter Team 17’s surprisingly entertaining sell-out platform game, ‘Superfrog!’
What fellow Amiga character Zool did for Chupa Chups and James Pond did for Penguin, and what Smith & Jones, alas, did for anyone willing to give them money [Lee and Herring joke], Superfrog does for Lucozade. Not only does the player’s health counter increase by collecting bottles of the disgusting amber stuff, but it’s revealed in the nice animated introduction that Superfrog acquired his powers of super-speed, might and limited flight from drinking that very same fizzy nectar. Leaving issues of artistic credibility aside, Superfrog was one of the finest platform games to grace the Amiga system, a lovingly detailed, intricate and whimsical romp through six worlds and multiple levels in pursuit of Superfrog’s human girlfriend and the witch who turned him into an amphibian in the first place.
Superfrog leapt onto the Amiga 600 and 1200 in 1993, two years after Sonic set the standard for platform games. Team 17’s designers owe a lot to Sega’s blue hedgehog, especially evident in Superfrog’s impressive speed, but it’s also clear that they’ve done a lot of research to come up with something special, a perfected platform game made by dedicated fans of the genre. Each stage features hidden areas, some more obscure than others, providing a whole dimension of replay value. Not that the game itself is a breeze, as it becomes increasingly difficult in relatively even steps as each level progresses.
Gameplay is the standard platform fare: the player controls Superfrog with the Amiga’s joystick, which can be moved left or right to move the character, with up to jump and down to duck. This game makes full use of the Amiga’s analogue response as opposed to the digital joypads of competing game consoles, as pushing the joystick further in each direction achieves a greater effect, whether it be increased speed or buoyancy respectively. Enemies can mostly be dealt with by bouncing on their heads, although this can be tricky, but Superfrog can collect a little green ball thing to use for less risky missile attacks. Other collectables include the afore-mentioned Lucozade bottles for more health energy, wings that allow a momentary period of flight (often essential for progress) and extra lives. In order for each level to be cleared, the player must not only find the exit, usually at the far right of the stage, but must also collect the required number of coins. Again, similar in premise to the equally speedy Zool.
The game excels in sheer playability as much as it impresses with its cartoon graphics. The opening animation and title screen / box art was created by popular Amiga animator Eric Schwartz, who provided comic strips and animations for top selling Amiga magazines of the early 90s such as Amiga Format and CU Amiga. The in-game graphics can’t be expected to live up to this standard, but the main character and enemy sprites are all animated smoothly and delicately, to the extent that it almost feels like controlling a cartoon. The colours are bright and garish, and you might get pretty sick of green by the end of the woodland stage, but there are no flaws to pick apart here, especially for a 16-bit release. That said, Superfrog’s inane, relentless smile does start to irritate me a bit after I get impaled on spikes for the fifth time in a row. The game’s music isn’t up to the standards of the Sonic series, but its bouncy melodies suit the graphics perfectly, and sound effects are always appropriate.
Superfrog fits on a single floppy disk, meaning there’s no annoying disk-swapping. The game can’t be saved to the hard drive, meaning that save games aren’t possible. Instead, passwords can be obtained from the fruit machine bonus levels at the end of each stage, although these aren’t always forthcoming. Progress is extremely difficult, which will be a positive thing if you enjoy games that require patience and skill, but will only be a source of frustration if you’re looking for something to pick up and speed through. I’ve never managed to complete the game. The game proved fairly successful, despite being overshadowed by the Team’s later releases such as the smash hit ‘Worms,’ and was re-released for both the Amiga CD-32 and PCs of the time.
This is as good as independent platform games get, despite being very taxing. The main character looks good, but it was clear he was never going to be the Amiga’s answer to Sonic or Mario, however much of a cool wise guy the box art mistakenly tried to make him. Does Superfrog ever track down his girlfriend? Does the witch reverse the spell and turn him back into a human? Would his girlfriend really prefer a weedy, average human being over a supercharged man-size frog? I never found out.
Did the less-than-subtle product placement cause a brief surge in popularity for Lucozade energy drinks in the 7-14 consumer age group? No.
Advantages: Fun and definitive platform style, with great graphics.
Disadvantages: Dated, and nothing too original.
Tetris
From Russia With Squares
Written on 29.07.04
***
Those crazy Russians, what will they think of next? Well not Tetris as this hugely popular video game has already been created by Alexey Pazhitnov in 1985 and became famous for its simplistic enjoyment, frustratingly difficult levels and expensive court battles.
If you are interested in the history of the game and its subsequent lawsuits, you can read it all at: http://www.atarihq.com/tsr/special/tetrishist.html [It works!], but this website doesn’t include the phone call made on the eve of Mr. Pazhitnov’s epiphany, which was thankfully recorded by Russian spies or something like that. (I don’t know do I? It’s only pretend anyway)
- “Hello Boris, it’s Alexey.”
- “Alexey, it’s 3am, Russian time, why are you ringing me?”
- “I just had this idea of how to make the most popular video game in the world!”
- “A video game? You mean one of them quite new things like the the Pac Man and the Invaders of Space?”
- “Yes, it’s based on these blocks that you move to make lines that are then destroyed. I could call it ‘Tetris,’ but with a backwards ‘R’ because it’s Russian, but we can sell it to the Americans and other…”
- “Look, I love you but I’ve got work in the morning, this isn’t a good time.”
- “It’s never a bloody good time is it Boris?”
- “No, I didn’t mean… Alexey, are you still there?... He never listens to me.”
THE GAME
The basic Tetris game revolves around different shapes comprised of four blocks each (there are six combinations) which fall one by one into the game arena. The player guides the shape to its desired location and attempts to fuse as many shapes as possible without leaving any gaps between them. Each time a horizontal line of blocks is completed from the left to right of the screen, this line is obliterated and the pieces above all fall down by one. That’s it.
The Shapes:
[1][2][3][4] “I”
[1][2] “Z”
....[3][4]
....[1][2] “S”
[3][4]
[1][2] Just a square really
[3][4]
[1][2][3] “L”
[4]
[1][2][3] “J”
........[4]
In the usual game, left and right on the keyboard, joystick or arcade joystick (if you are a bit old) move the shapes left and right during their gravity-fuelled descent; pressing up (or occasionally the ‘fire’ button) rotates the piece clockwise by ninety degrees and pressing down speeds up the descent once you have chosen the landing site.
WHAT’S THE POINT?
I love retro games, but I am strangely a newcomer to Tetris. Previously the official order of goodness went: PacMan, DigDug, Frogger, Scramble. The popularity of Tetris is a little odd considering there isn’t much to it (and it only becomes more challenging by increasing the speed), but it is very addictive. Tetris is also quick to play and lose, so it can provide a nice opportunity for some cheap online thrills.
It’s not one of my favourite games though, don’t be stupid. ‘The Secret of Monkey Island’ and ‘Diablo II’ wee all over this Russian gravity-based puzzle, but do require a bit more effort that I can’t always be bothered to expend.
VARIATION
As Tetris is the most widely played video game ever created (even more than ‘Mister Robot Speak & Spell’ on the Amiga, although that is quite a bad example) there have been a predictably huge number of variants created over time. ‘Wormtris’ has always been my favourite, a completely unsolicited game by some Dutch guy with an Amiga 1200, although ‘Strip Tetris’ has recently caught my attention at striptetris.co.uk. Because I like the blocks and stuff though and that’s all, I think there’s a picture at the side that gets filled in as you play or something but I wasn’t really interested in that. (Not until level 4 anyway. Go and try it- oh, you already are). I wish I had a basic grasp of game programming so I could create and popularise ‘Strip DigDug,’ ‘Strip Ms PacMan’ (my favourite) and ‘Strip Mister Robot Speak and Spell’ but I can’t be bothered to learn.
Here are some online Tetris games that don’t need to be downloaded. I’ve used a couple myself, but the others are just there for some ‘variety’ (although the only real variety involves adding music and making the ‘I’ piece start vertically instead of horizontally).
http://www.miniclip.com/tetris.htm [Dead] - I hate the Miniclip site, I really do (reminds me of the kind of people in school who really like sites like that). Still, it has an OK Tetris game with music.
http://www.addictinggames.com/tetris.html [Alive] - a bit basic, but it has a Russian backdrop. Annoying sound effects though.
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/tetris.html [Dead] - I quite like this one, it’s a bit basic but has a clinical feel. Like playing Tetris in a hospital.
http://www.dynamicdrive.com/dynamicindex12/tet2.htm [Alive] - as simple as it gets – no music, no sounds and not even any gravity.
www.striptetris.co.uk [Dead] - or just click on the link you put in your ‘favourites’ menu.
If anyone knows of any other interesting Tetris games (free ones; I am not mad) please tell me and I’ll check them out. ‘Wormtris’ was the first I played and is still by far my favourite, the extra options and introduction of worms/sheep making it all the more enjoyable. Amigans rule, as my Dad would say.
Advantages: Original and fun, Simplistic and quick to play, Addictive
Disadvantages: Not enough variation - you'll always lose at a similar point, Free [What?], Addictive
Toy Commander
The New Toy Story...
Written on 01.07.00
****
Toy Commander boasts incredible, smooth graphics and a solid storyline and situation. You are a child whose toys are called in to war against a large, mechancial bear thing. However, the game is clearly aimed at a young audience, and the controls can seem quite complicated to children and take them a while to get used to. The good points are the way you advance through rooms of a house and the varied weapons and vehicles you can control. Overall, a good game that could have been made easier for the younger players.
[Turns out the minimum word count is actually rather low. I seem to have forgotten subsequently.]
Vib-Ribbon
Literally Nothing to Do?
Written on 05.12.03
***
Unlike some of my friends, one in particular, I don't have the unnatural capacity to be the King of every game I play, or the desire to play that many. I often wonder what it is about this simplistic game that appeals to me.
Vib Ribbon is the creation of Nana On-Sha entertainment, and is one of the most recognised music games available. "Parappa the Rapper" was the first Playstation game I played and although it was turd it inspired a number of similar games which are still being brought out today, such as "Frequency" for the Playstation 2. Vib Ribbon is the only one of these games I play, and probably for the sole reason that you can play your own CDs through it.
We've all seen those funky pink dance studio games you can buy for your daughters, who will attempt to improve their dancing skills to attain the high scores, or your sons, who will soon tire of the girlie dancing aspect and use a broom operated from the sofa simply to knock their sister off the high score slot. Vib Ribbon is not one of these games, although you'd expect it to be from all the rambling I just did, and is instead controlled by buttons on the Playstation joypad.
The basic gameplay is as follows: you control the actions of the constantly moving Vibri, a rabbit-style thing made of very simple polygons, along the Vib Ribbon; a continuous line path which is frequently interrupted by obstacles. Each tme Vibri successfully gets past an obstacle she becomes closer to 'evolution,' while getting caught by the obstacles enough times will cause her to revert to a simpler life form. The game only utilises white wireframe for Vibri and the path against a black background, the only colours being present in the score points at the top and the progress bar at the bottom. The shape and frequency of obstacles, as well as the game's speed, is based on the song currently playing.
CONTROLS
Vib Ribbon contains an easy-to-follow instruction demo, as well as the game manual, and the controls are as follows:
HIGH OBSTACLES
___
|....| A pathetic attempt to draw on Dooyoo there. Objects of this shape can be
|....| scaled by pressing one of the "L" (left) buttons on the top of the joypad.
|....| L1 or L2 will work, according to your preference, I prefer the comfier L2.
___
/ ...\ This drawing thing really isn't a good idea, but it'll hopefully lead to a more
| ....| avant-garde review. That's right, I said avant-garde didn't I.
\..../ Loop objects can be crossed with the "R" (right) buttons, R1 or R2.
LOW OBSTACLES
|.....| The least accurately drawn of the lot, the pits require the player to press the
.\.../ up or down button on the D-pad (directional pad). I find that 'up' is easier to
..\./ press, but then I do have small girlish hands.
../\ ..../ Obstacles that vaguely resemble this can be crossed with the X (cross)
/....\ / buttons. I prefer to use X, as it's easier to remember.
These are the four basic shapes in the game, and the only ones that will appear in easier songs. However, the real difficulty comes when these shapes start combining. I won't draw them as it would be impossible to make them look convincing enough. Needless to say, all possible combinations of 2 of the above are accounted for, and require both buttons to be pressed. For instance, a loop that has very jagged edges means you press R, for circle, and X, for zigzag thing; a high block with a single dip in it means you have to press L for the block and up/down for pit.
Vib Ribbon is not a complex game, but takes a while to get used to. After this 'while,' the controls and symbols become inseperable in your brain and only the speed is your enemy. As stated earlier, the game can be played with your own audio CDs or the small bank of weird Japanese pop songs included on the game disc, but it's the "play with my own CD" option that is the selling point of this game. If you don't go for this, or you have [no musical taste/incredibly bad musical taste] you can play with one of the game's own songs, and spend the long minutes cringing at the annoying, too-jovial voices, trying to get through the level but also trying hard to work out whether they're speaking english or whether you just thought they were. This is harder to work out than it seems. Gold, silver or bronze difficulties can be tried out, but once you're used to the game these aren't even a problem and you're ready to try out your own collection:
Once you select this option, you can choose to play single track or entire CD. Of course, to truly beat your own records you have to play the entire album. This is often very difficult as the playlist you take Vibri down is in order of difficulty, meaning that you could be doing really well and then come across something impossible meaning you've just wasted an hour of your Saturday morning and also your life. "Waste" is a word I'm come to associate with this game, in terms of the amount of time I've spent on it in the past. You can also choose to play against a tiem difficulty which hasn't been thought out at all; if you choose a long song that is easy to handle, you're going to get a very high score there.
Of course, you always have to have a try of your non-music CDs, like the CD you got free with the official Star Trek fan club your mum got you membership for but which was rubbish, but once you've got past the comedy of dancing to speech it becomes very boring. The game is also often surprising in its opinion of the music, as some tracks I would consider fast generate a slow Vib Ribbon; once I played the same song on an album and a seperate CD single and there was a considerable difference in difficulty.
Vib Ribbon is a way to combine music with entertainment, although you'll usually be better just listening to a game with a great soundtrack, like Final Fantasy VII, or a game with a soundtrack that you like, but which you'd prefer to be drowned out by your new MC Hammer CD or whatever is your preference. If I ever get a particularly interesting or different album from the norm I'll always give it a quick whirl on the Vib Ribbon, but my ability to enjoy this game is not as high as it used to be. I wouldn't recommend anyone buy it for their child relatives for Christmas, as it's a game that could either be greeted warmly or very coldly; at a low price right from the onset, it's intended to be unique, fun and something to do if you literally have nothing at all to do.
Advantages: Not very much to do with the game, Fun, Interesting idea
Disadvantages: Default songs are incredibly annoying
Weird Dreams
Bed Bugs
Written on 22.01.06
**
A memorable game for positive and negative reasons, Rainbird Software’s ‘Weird Dreams’ puts the player in control of a man in a dream-filled comatose state, brought about by a revenge attack from his girlfriend, who it turned out had been an alien all along.
A puzzle game of sorts that mixes different genres, the main flaw of Weird Dreams is its over-ambition. The game must have looked brilliant on paper, to the extent that an entire unnecessary background story was written and included as a story book to accompany the game, but its poor execution results in a game that’s frustrating to play and often impossible to enjoy.
On its release in 1989, the popularity of home video game consoles and computers had begun overtaking that of arcades and most of the basic game types had been established and continued. Weird Dreams isn’t really a platform game like ‘Mario Bros.’, but the player controls the left and right movements across the game screen of the central character. It isn’t really a puzzle game like ‘Dizzy’, as the limited snappy decisions the player has to make are always the only immediately obvious course of action. It isn’t really a beat-em-up like ‘Street Fighter’, but the player does have to attack rock statues with flying fish.
The main strength of Weird Dreams lies in the nightmarish and ‘just plain weird’ approach of the graphics. Terrain varies inexplicably from a creepy fairground to a barren desert and an English country garden, while the enemies and obstacles encountered suit each setting perfectly, despite their oddness, although this is largely a clever use of synchronised colour schemes. Although these graphics are primitive by modern standards, the game’s art department make an excellent job of converting the enemy and level designs to pixel format, but it’s all rather basic.
The main character’s movements are slowed down by the number of frames used to animate his walk, and the only movement is of the character and any enemy concerned moving left or right across a series of static backgrounds. This is where the game begins to fall apart, as the basic handling of the character’s actions across the nine very limited levels requires extreme patience and immaculate precision to avoid the instant death and level reset that comes with any contact with obstacles. Even when the player knows exactly what they’re doing, it often falls down to luck due to the slow and awkward handling and response.
This unfair level of difficulty is evident right from the very beginning of the game, where the player has to climb out of an immense candy floss machine. Ducking to avoid the spinning rod is easy, but the jump upwards must be precisely calculated so that the stick is grabbed at the right time, otherwise your head is cut off. Similarly, sword-fighting with the snarling rose bushes can be a near-impossible task as not only do you have to slowly work your way through a bush that comes alive at will, but you risk getting run down by a lawnmower if you’re on the screen for too long. The later levels are much easier to manage and survive in, but these first few sections cause enough frustration to put some players off for life.
Controls on the Amiga versions of Weird Dreams were standard and easy to pick up, consisting of the usual left/right/forwards/ backwards joystick actions and use of the fire button to execute actions, but the infuriating gameplay could potentially lead to the trusty joystick being mistreated and destroyed. The best way to avoid this, and perhaps the only way to ever conceivably get through Weird Dreams, was to use the helpful and fun S.O.S. cheat: positioning the character as close to the right-hand mirror as possible (without entering) in the fairground at the beginning and pressing the Amiga’s large ‘Help’ key in an S.O.S. style, i.e. tapping it quickly three times, holding it for three longer intervals and then tapping three times again. If the cheat works, the life counter switches to an ‘infinity’ symbol and now you don’t have to see the depressing hospital flat-line animation ever again.
Weird Dreams was reputedly conceived for a television phone-in competition, the kind of game controlled by the shouting instructions of a child caller on ‘Going Live,’ ‘Live & Kicking’ and other children’s morning television, and this would certainly explain its shoddy conversion to home platforms. The game is not produced any more (neither are those home platforms) but can be found second-hand quite often, suggesting a bizarre past popularity.
The tedious puzzle platformer was perfected in the 1990s by Delphine Software with such games as ‘Another World’ and ‘Flashback,’ both of which share excellent graphics and frequent, instant, unfair deaths with this early predecessor. Rainbird should have cut their losses with the stupid but great-looking game and its accompanying well-written but pointless novella and just made a really good comic book instead.
Advantages: Looks lovely
Disadvantages: Handles horribly
Wibble World Giddy
Written on 18.10.07
***
Originally designed as an all-out parody of the Oliver Twins’ ‘Dizzy’ platform adventure games, Phil Ruston’s ‘Wibble World Giddy: Wibble Mania!’ proved to be just about the best Dizzy clone available for fans of the Codemasters releases. The game was a public domain release, attached to various Amiga magazine cover disks and bundled with numerous packages for the smallest of fees, allowing newcomers to experience the platform adventure puzzle-solver genre for the first time, and for experienced Dizzy fans to enjoy working their way through a fairly short but satisfying and well-meaning parody.
As explained on the title screen, the eponymous Giddy is an anthropomorphic egg (like Dizzy, but rounder) with a face, legs, hat and “ridiculously big hands,” presumably for holding the multitude of items picked up by the player on their journey. The player controls the bouncy egg across a series of screens, progress generally heading to the right but occasionally involving underground cave trips one level down, and a fair amount of retreading when new items are picked up for old problems. Progress is interrupted at key points by impassable objects such as a raging fire (pictured), a barricade and a Triceratops, and being restricted to a two-dimensional environment where he can’t simply walk around the edge, Giddy must obtain and correctly use the correct items, in these cases a bucket of water, some dynamite and a Big Red Boot respectively. Other puzzles seem less pressing but are all integral to progress at some point, so taking the rubbish Atari ST system back to the hipster in the alleyway is rewarded with the gift of a sweaty sock that comes in useful later - Atari and Amiga rivalry often presented itself in independent games like these, which is an endless source of humour in a sort of nerdy way that I’ve never really understood, but “Ta! Have a sweaty sock” is a great line in any case.
Giddy (I keep having to restrain myself from typing ‘Dizzy’) picks up items with the aid of the joystick’s fire button, and stores them in an unseen inventory that can be accessed by pressing down (effectively, pulling backwards on the joystick) and scrolling left and right through text descriptions of each object before pressing fire to use the one selected. In some cases it’s safe to casually use the item right in front of the raving hippie or other obstacle, but the more dangerous situations require a greater degree of care and discretion. Progress is also hindered by the prevalence of enemies who can’t be killed, in the form of generic and repeated snakes, aliens and penguins (depending on the setting), but like in Dizzy, their repeated movement patterns can soon be learnt and hopefully avoided. If Giddy is hit, his energy bar depletes, eventually causing him to burst in a yolky splatter and lose a life, slightly more gruesomely than ever happened to his mainstream predecessor. Part of the fun of the controls comes in Giddy’s inexhaustible tendency to bounce, and it’s common to see players boinging across less active screens in either a mistaken belief that they’ll move faster than if they just walked, or perhaps just as entertainment to pass the time.
As well as brightly coloured objects, the game also offers a number of coins for Giddy to collect, all of which can be picked up just by walking over them. These are counted in the ‘Dosh’ total at the top of the screen, and a new level of frustration is added when the player passes by shops boasting essential items for only thirty gold coins, when the player only has twenty-seven. Elusive coins will all be found in plain sight later on which requires extensive back-tracking, but there’s nothing inherently impossible or unfair in this game as there is in some of the early Dizzy games, which featured hidden coins that all needed to be collected in order to win. The game is fairly limited and straightforward in scope, and although there are points at which a multitude of items are being carried, it’s all very linear and there are only a couple of red herrings. As an independently produced public domain game it isn’t particularly big, and although it can take around an hour to complete, and seems to stretch far out in the distance, the game map is probably reasonably small at no more than forty screens (as a complete guess). The end is a complete anticlimax as Giddy walks through a door and the player is pretty much told “that’s all we’ve got,” but Ruston allegedly released a sequel a year later, though I never came across that.
Phil Ruston also provides all of the bright and bold graphics for the game, and seems intent on beating the Dizzy graphic artists in making his character pass through every terrain imaginable. As the game is never meant to be taken very seriously, each five screens or so the scene will change abruptly from a suburban street to a desert, or the North Pole, or even the Moon where the Earth will be seen sitting far in the distance, only to return instantly when walking off the left side of the screen. While all of these cosmetic changes are clearly variations on exactly the same programming, which doesn’t include much variation beyond some minimal upwards jumping through trees, it keeps the playing experience memorable and also provides a nice way for players to pace themselves and rate their own progress, reaching further each time. Allister Brimble, presumably just a bloke Ruston knows who can program music, rips off the theme from ‘Fantasy World Dizzy’ completely and without apology, and as with all early Dizzy games there are no sound effects above this chirpy racket.
Game-centric Amiga magazine ‘Amiga Power’ gave this fun and flimsy product an impressive 4 out of 5 stars, and although it severely lacks originality in basically ripping off the Dizzy franchise, it’s tastefully done, and has clearly been ruthlessly tested to ensure it’s bug-free and actually enjoyable to play. There are no alienating Dizzy jokes aimed solely at those who own the original games, and no real Dizzy references, making this easily approachable by anyone, but its fairly limited and repetitive playing style, as well as its brief length, keep it in firm second place to the masterful Dizzy series itself, which was at its peak by this point and soon fizzled out as no further games were released, leaving copies like this as the only real way for Dizzy junkies to get their fix. Compared to modern Dizzy clones on the internet this is still superior, as these newer versions are usually far more juvenile and full of bugs, ripping off the Dizzy sprites without even bothering to draw their own smiling egg with huge hands as Ruston does, and despite its creator’s modest, self-deprecating claim on the title screen that Giddy provides “literally minutes of Wibbly action,” it’s a great game that can be played again and still enjoyed, though not as often as the more in-depth Dizzy releases.
Advantages: An accurate and enjoyable 'Dizzy' clone with colourful graphics.
Disadvantages: Nothing new, and fairly short.
Worms Armageddon
The Worms Have Turned
Written on 04.07.00
****
If you have Worms, Worms Armageddon is basically the same game but with larger worms, better-drawn landscapes, missions and more weapons. You also have the chance to actually "raise" a team before sending them on missions: giving them higher experience ranks and more training medals.
It's essentially the same as Worms 2 on the PC, but with the mission element. If you have Worms 2, it's not really worth the extra money. However, if you have the first Worms and wish to upgrade to this, or you have never bought a Worms game before, this is a very addictive game. Twp teams of worms trying to beat the segments out of each other… and that's it. The simplest ideas are always the best ones.
But there's more: you have a huge arsenal of weapons to choose from to blow up those worms, from a bazooka, kamikaze attack and dynamite to such insane weapons as old women, sheep and holy hand grenades. There's also a facility to structure your own landscape and play against friends or the computer. Worms Armageddon is very fun and enjoyable, and scarily addictive.
Advantages: Many types of game available including training.
Disadvantages: Each level seems repetetive and can get annoying. [Much like these reviews.]
Advantages: A reasonably faithful, good looking adaptation that could have been a lot worse.
Disadvantages: Awkward to control in places, and endlessly repetitive.
Game Over, Man! Game Over
Written on 16.08.07
*
16-bit video game adaptations of contemporary films never made for the most memorable gaming experience, and Probe’s translation of ‘Alien 3’ lives up to the cash-in standards of the time by being largely irrelevant and unfaithful to its source. If anyone really remembers the third Alien film after all this time (the sort of film that creates quite a buzz when first released that soon dies down as audiences realise it really wasn’t that good compared to its predecessors), it once again starred Sigourney Weaver as the sci-fi action heroine Ellen Ripley, facing her third attack of terrifying H.R. Giger-designed extraterrestrial menaces in a run-down prison complex out in the galactic fringes. Using only the limited, outdated technology at their disposal, the prisoners and guards alike attempt to track down the beast with the aid of Ripley’s experience, before it inevitably kills them one by one.
The third Alien film was a disappointment after the excellent first film and the fun second outing, and the game version even more so. Released as usual across all the popular formats of the time – the Sega MegaDrive, Super Nintendo, Commodore Amiga and less advanced equivalents of each system – the game of Alien 3 was clearly designed, like many of these games with a fixed release deadline, with little knowledge or interest about the actual plot of the film, relying instead it seems on promotional trailers and photos to incorporate Ripley’s commando look and the general idea of the setting. Produced, predictably, as a side-scrolling shoot-em-up, the player controls Ripley across a number of industrial and alien terrains with the objective of rescuing captured humans and proceeding to the exit to the next level. Evidently based much more on ‘Aliens’ than Alien 3, Ripley is armed with an assortment of weapons in complete contradiction to the latter film, and the base is plagued with seemingly endless alien menaces rather than the solitary and different-looking adversary of Alien 3.
Of course, this is just a mindless shoot-em-up, and the target audience of children and young teenagers isn’t going to care how faithful it is to the film, but the game still fails to distinguish itself from the overcrowded market of similar products. The gameplay is incredibly repetitive throughout, running from right to left, up and down ladders and ducts and blasting the emerging aliens along the way, and it’s frustratingly hard like most shoot-em-ups to prevent the player from completing it successfully and ending up disappointed. Using the example of the Sega MegaDrive version, the controller’s A button switches between Ripley’s arsenal of a machine gun, flamethrower, shotgun (or maybe some kind of bazooka, I can’t tell), and hand grenades, each accompanied by a reminder of how much ammo is left, additional rounds being scattered liberally around the game area. The B button fires the selected weapon, and the C button performs a jump. The directional buttons perform as expected, moving Ripley left of right accordingly, while the up and down functions prove more useful than in many games by guiding Ripley up and down ladders, aiming her weapon in either direction, activating door opening panels and crouching.
The game screen is quite a jumble of information, most of which is essentially useless. Present as ever is the score counter, pointless unless playing competitively on an arcade machine or against a friend, and the usual counter of lives (automatically set at three, but which can be set anywhere from one to nine on the options menu) and energy, top-ups for the latter being obtained from medipacks. Most frivolous of all is the radar feature in the top right corner of the screen, which registers the presence of nearby aliens or captured humans only when they’re already in sight on the playing screen. This ridiculously limited range makes this feature entirely useless – it was clearly the game designer showing off – especially as any time spent looking at it tentatively will likely get you attacked by the blue dot that suddenly appears once the alien is on top of you. Each level also has a time limit of four minutes which is fair and keeps things moving, and a counter of the number of humans left to ‘rescue,’ which simply entails walking in front of them to make them fall to the floor and vanish.
In terms of the graphics and sound, this is just another among countless games that fails to stand out from the crowd, entrenched firmly in the average range. You can tell the main character is supposed to be Ripley because she has a shaved head, and the aliens are obviously aliens because they look kind of similar, even if the proportions and details are a little off. Otherwise, the backgrounds, objects and collectables might as well have been borrowed from any of the similar games around at the time, and were likely modified very little from the generic templates used by the graphics team. The sound effects are bland, unconvincing and uninteresting, the most distinctive being the simulated shout of ‘ugh!’ whenever Ripley is hurt that couldn’t sound less like Sigourney Weaver’s voice. The music is the usual tedious background electronic stuff that largely goes unnoticed, apart from in the game’s brief opening animation (plagiarised completely from the original 1979 trailer for ‘Alien’), when a menacing thrum is replaced with a ridiculously out-of-place jazzy title theme. Fans of retro video game music will leave disappointed.
Probe’s adaptation of Alien 3 did its job to an entirely mediocre and minimal degree, providing a further piece of merchandise to benefit from the film’s profits. Very rarely were such franchising games worthwhile and enjoyable in their own right, and more often than not, as with this one, they bore very little resemblance to the film they were supposed to be imitating. I’d recommend you avoid playing this no-longer-available video game, which ought to be a very easy task indeed in 2007.
Advantages: SNES version features the above quote in the relevant place (even if it's from the wrong film).
Disadvantages: A very weak, uninspired and irrelevant cash-in.
A Bit of Fun
Written on 11.10.03
*****
I must stress that this review is not intended to persuade you to go out and buy an Amiga computer, as you might as well save your money. [That's the general disclaimer out of the way.] This is mainly intended for nostalgia purposes, for all those people like me who were brought up on the old computer games and still love to play them.
The Amiga was one of the most successful, and probably the most advanced, home and office computer before the big Windows 3.1 boom, and as such demands respect. Its 'Wordworth' word processor and 'Deluxe Paint' animation and drawing packages were unbeaten at the time, and allowed me to develop creativity very early on. music making programmes such as 'Octamed' allowed my brother to make funny sounding tunes before realising he had no interest in furthering a musical career, and the later models even had limited internet capability. but we don't care about that, let's go on to the games!
The Amiga still resides in my family's kitchen, and is often a very enjoyable alternative to the PC... but only when that's in use. There are very few modern computer games that I find worth my while playing, I'm much more a TV series guy, but the Amiga games still hold appeal. I think the formula must go something like this:
Nostalgia + simplicity + pretty rubbish + someone's using the good computer = fun!
From the platform games such as "Zool" and "Arabian Knights" [Sic] to the detailed adventure games "The Secret of Monkey Island" and "Simon the Sorceror" [Sic] (I still play these on the PC as well) and even to some of the sport games which I usually hate, the good thing about the Amiga 600 and 1200 computers was that copied games were very easy to come by. In fact, goin through the disk boxes it was a chore to find games with official covers that didn't have sticky labels and biro writing on. Oh yeah, I forgot "Golden Axe," fantastic! My dad's Amiga obsession of the late 90s also led to him buying several Amigas for very low prices, along with an unhealthy amount of games. These didn't get played much though, as the nostalgia part of the formula was missing. That Bomberman rip-off where you play as a man's willy got a few plays though, ha ha. [See: 'Bomb'X.']
Don't go and buy an Amiga to use as yuor computer, you'll be lucky if it manages to load your homepage. If you already have one though, or similar old computers such as the Amstrad, Spectrum and Commodore 64s, why not celebrate by pulling up a chair and playing Pacman or something? Some legends will never die, long live Amiga! Except I think it's technically died.
Advantages: More enjoyable games, Very cheap, Also pretty good wordprocessors and paint programs, etc.
Disadvantages: Well, it's not as good as a modern PC is it? 5 stars all the same!
Only Adequately Zany
Written on 13.08.06
***
Konami’s video game tie-in to Warner Bros’ self-aware cartoon series is as conscious of its fictional status as the show itself, beginning with the characters discussing their relevance to the video game format. Animaniacs is shown to be more than a standard platform game right from the onset, an enjoyable quasi-puzzle game that makes full use of the three playable characters, each possessing different vital abilities ala ‘The Lost Vikings’ or ‘Cyberpunks.’
With their monochrome features and dated attire, Yakko, Wakko and Dot look like rejects from the early days of animation. As the cartoon series explains, that’s precisely what they are; locked for eternity in a water tower on the Warner Studios lot, from which they are prone to escaping. In the opening animation (which, technically speaking, is nothing spectacular), Yakko tells his siblings of his plan to open a hip pop-culture shop, for which they will need famous film props. Cue a variety of game stages based on recognisable films, all ever-so-slightly different to avoid copyright infringement.
The game involves three characters, but can only be played by one player. All three characters move at the same speed and jump to the same, slightly ridiculous height, but each is capable of at least one distinctive special move that is essential to progress through the game. The tallest, Yakko is able to move wooden crates when encountered, providing access to higher areas or preventing death over pits. He can also bop enemies with his bat-and-ball. Wakko is armed with a huge comedy mallet, which can push switches, break blocks and interact with large obstacles, while Dot blows kisses that cause most males to become enamoured and immobile, regardless of their species.
All of these special moves are simple to accomplish, despite some areas requiring precision, such as Wakko’s block-breaking. Once the player gets to grips with the characters’ abilities, and proceeds through enough examples, the solutions to each ‘puzzle’ become immediately apparent. The rather sexist nature of Dot’s value, merely as someone to kiss and distract men, is fitting to the era that ‘Animaniacs’ seeks to parody, but it’s debatable whether this was an intentional decision by the game’s designers…
After a brief practice stage escaping the water tower, which features several of the game’s many irrelevant cameos by other characters from the cartoon series, the player is given the option to select the desired stage. Each of the stages is of relatively equal difficulty depending on the player’s abilities (I always found stage 2 the hardest, but my brother disagreed), and divided into a number of sub-stages. If the characters die, either by losing all their health or falling to their doom, gameplay restarts at the start of the sub-stage rather than the beginning of the entire level.
The Sega MegaDrive game utilises the A, B and C buttons of the joypad, but almost completely neglects the ‘up’ and ‘down’ parts of the directional pad, which are only useful when making selections. Left and right move the characters in either direction, and progress through each stage always moves from left to right. The basic controls are set as A for action, B for jump and C for change, but these can be switched on the options screen, as can the game’s language.
The four respective stages are ‘The Adventures of Dirk Rugged VII’ (based on an Indiana Jones-type character), ‘Space Wars’ (you know that one), ‘Swing ’em Low, Hang ’em High’ (a generic western) and ‘Bloodmask: Part 32,’ intended as a parody the ‘Friday the Thirteenth’ Jason films, but incorporating all the stereotypical elements of classic haunted house horror. Each stage features appropriate enemies, occasionally from the cartoon series itself, such as that fat warden guy who likes to catch the Animaniacs in a net. Despite losing points for originality, as every level is generic and predictable in lampooning a genre, the premise is saved by the ever-present subliminal hints that these are all merely studio sets, complete with lighting rigs visible in places and the occasional camera or clapperboard dotted around the landscape. That’s studio sets with real alligators and real kamikaze spaceships.
As with all 16-bit cartoon adaptations, the graphics are acceptable and believable as they don’t need to strive for realism. It’s disappointing that no actual animation was created for this game’s introductory sequence, which instead only features moving mouths on static character faces and their speech blipping up as different-coloured text, but the in-game movement animations are nice enough, if still a little static. The game lacks a little coherence between the style of the characters taken directly from the TV series, and the random enemy creatures and landscapes created especially for the game, resulting in something of an uncomfortable mix of two styles that could have been avoided with a little more artistic care. The music is fun and enjoyable, despite repeating endlessly as all MegaDrive music did, and several different, appropriate pieces appear within each level and sub-stage. There are no character voices, aside from some strange synthesised squawks when they get hit.
‘Animaniacs’ is fairly difficult, but fortunately the game incorporates a password system. This can be access straight from the title screen, and is based on a 3 x 3 grid of the three main characters’ faces. Each time a level is complete, a password is given based on the levels accomplished so far, and the player’s remaining lives. This means that constant repeated play-throughs of the same tedious levels can be avoided, leaving more time to concentrate on those that you either avoid, or have previously found too difficult.
The characters move fairly slowly, and this becomes a little irritating at times, although the majority of the game is spent in enclosed or moving areas so it doesn’t prove much of a problem. The major frustration lies in the specificity of certain puzzle solutions, causing players to wander round in circles again and again in repeated attempts to strike a set of blocks from exactly the right distance. Time is a factor, and unlike most platform games which provide a greater time limit than necessary, it’s a frequent occurrence that every second counts in this game. Thankfully, extra time items can be picked up in most of the offending areas.
A successful adaptation of the show’s spirit, ‘Animaniacs’ would probably not hold up so well if not for the cheap trick of the self-conscious stuff, but I like that. It’s more than a simple left-to-right standard platform game with a cartoon character’s head superimposed, and although the plot is equally pointless, the game’s trickiness leads to very satisfying results once difficult stages are cleared. The game is repetitive after a while, indicating something of a rushed or half-bothered production, and it’s annoying seeing the graphic artists try to squeeze in as many meaningless and distracting characters from the TV series as possible, rather than incorporating them properly into the gameplay in place of the arbitrary obstacles (Pinky and The Brain do nothing more than scurry across the bottom of the game screen in the second level).
The Sega MegaDrive version differs greatly from that made for its rival the Super Nintendo, and disappointingly the Sega version is inferior. The Nintendo game featured similar character tagging, but the three could interact with each other to pass obstacles, the opening water tower scene actually held some relevance, and there was a greater focus on secondary characters. All this is lacking from the Sega version, but as both follow different plots, the Sega levels are at least unique to the format. ‘Animaniacs’ isn’t a great puzzle game, nor a great platform game, nor a flawless cartoon adaptation, but something in-between. At least it’s better than all the Disney ones.
Advantages: Intelligent gameplay.
Disadvantages: Repetitive and limited, and pales in comparison to the SNES edition.
Beware the Black Beast Bear
Written on 14.08.06
***
Delphine Software were one of the prominent adventure game designers of the early 90s, licensed under Virgin. Released in 1991, 'Another World' operates at its basic level like a simplistic platform game, the player moving left and right through two-dimensional areas and interacting with the environment, but the game requires a greater degree of intelligence, skill and perseverance than the standard platform fare.
Like 'Flashback,' its superior successor, this game is an incredibly tricky puzzle adventure for older players and demands an extreme degree of patience right from the onset. The most accurate label for 'Another World' is 'interactive movie.' A movie that plays the same scene over and over and over and over again until the character finally stops getting zapped. A movie for which the player has no script, unless they have access to a handy walkthrough guide.
The player is almost completely denied free will as each section must be completed in the only way possible before advancing to the next. The only freedom available is to err, and hang around trying to work out what to do before you solve it or get killed, the latter being more likely. This restriction of free will is perhaps most evident in situations where direction of travel appears to be optional, but is always directed by the next puzzle. For example, a lift that needs to be taken down can ascend just as easily- but there won't be anything of value there.
The game received critical acclaim for its unique graphical style at the time, and although it's been usurped by advances in technology, it still looks really good. The style strives for realism, especially in portrayal of human or humanoid characters and beasts. All are proportionally perfect, and movement is smooth and completely believable, based on animations copied verbatim from filmed human activity. The game never attains a lifelike quality due to the nature of the format and the time, and the graphic artists are evidently very much aware of this: all shading consists simply of one light and one dark layer, similar to an animé style, and as such all areas become rather messy, wobbly blobs. The game features a lot of cut scenes that integrate perfectly into the action by using precisely the same graphics, but from a more cinematic angle than the standard sideways presentation of the playing field.
Gameplay itself is where 'Another World' really lets itself down, and this is a big disappointment. Controls are fiddly despite being carried out through a digital joypad, and precision is constantly needed. Any time the player is struck by an enemy or encounters something else fatal, a bed of spikes for example, death is instant and the level restarts. Each level is relatively small at only a few screens in length, but there are usually several tricky, life-endangering tasks to be accomplished before progress can be made to the next. In total there are roughly seven or eight major areas, each split into a number of screens.
A deliberate choice has been made not to clutter the game screen with pointless details, and as such there is an uncharacteristic lack of any information on the screen whatsoever: no score, no inventory and no live count (the game provides infinite lives at least). This increases the cinematic quality and serves to involve the player further in the adventure, as they don’t get distracted by numerals. There is minimal emphasis on sound also, as events are communicated in actions and images rather than speech (or text), although there is a written introduction that accompanies the opening animation if the title screen is left untouched for a while. The music isn't particularly notable at any point, and the game works better in the many silent areas; you can easily play the game with a CD on in the background, though it's sometimes useful to hear whether you’ve erected force-fields successfully if your vision of them is blocked.
The plot itself is fairly interesting, and enjoyable to work through if you have the skill and patience. A red-headed professor is sent literally to another world after his particle accelerator is struck by lightning, and after surviving a few scrapes with native creatures, he is captured by humanoid aliens. The brilliantly smooth animated opening invites interpretation: was the scientist reckless? Was he trying to play God, and was the lightning strike and terrestrial exile his humbling punishment? You control the jailbreak, led by your new alien comrade, and try to find a way out of the city and into freedom. The story works consistently as the game progresses, and the ending is quite nice and not the norm for this kind of adventure. As usual in these silent games, it's actually quite easy to be drawn to certain characters despite their simplicity and lack of any real development, and I'm a big fan of the helpful, bulky alien buddy.
'Another World' is still available for emulators of the Amiga and Sega MegaDrive, and has reportedly been re-released for GameBoy Advance. The 32-bit home computer versions boast greatly superior graphics to the 16-bit console, but everything else is identical. My version is for the MegaDrive, and is controlled with the standard directional pad, and B and C buttons (A performs the same functions as B). The player can walk or run through areas, take running leaps or more measured standing jumps, and is able to fire and recharge his trusty, multi-purpose weapon after its initial equip.
The game is too frustrating to be considered a true classic, although it was doubtless influential in moving movie-style games on from 'Dragon's Lair' and 'Space Ace' in the 80s to the filmed versions that followed. If you don't mind using your brain, and then trying to do precisely what your brain tells you to do even if you die endlessly in the process, you will be able to appreciate the beauty of 'Another World.' If you are a regular human being with average tolerance level, you're best avoiding it and watching a sci-fi adventure film instead. 'Another World' is the likely origin of survival horror, as 'Resident Evil' isn't a million light years away from this, despite being about zombies rather than bald alien thugs. The overall purple and orange colour scheme is very pleasant.
Advantages: Innovative approach to graphics and gameplay.
Disadvantages: Tedious, frustrating, fiddly and far too difficult to be really enjoyable.
To Look Fear in the Fez
Written on 13.07.06
***
A couple of years before Disney’s ‘Aladdin’ imposed that corporation’s universal vision of Arabian mythology onto the world’s youth, Krysalis Software attempted something similar, only infinitely less successful and targeting only young Amiga users. ‘Arabian Nights’ is yet another one-player platform game, which was easily among the most popular and over-used formats for early 90s computer games, but succeeds in distinguishing itself as a worthwhile and entertaining use of the player’s time through friendly graphics, nice handling and dabbles in mixing game genres.
An animated opening sequence (easily skipped by pressing the joystick’s fire button) lays down the plot: the player controls Sinbad Jnr., a lowly but skilled gardener who is secretly in love with a Princess. While finishing off an impressive bear-shaped bush, he witnesses the Princess being grabbed and whisked away by an ugly, red flying demon thing, and immediately runs to her rescue. Unfortunately, the palace guards are stupid, and mistakenly believe that Sinbad Jnr. was responsible for their Princess’ disappearance. He is imprisoned in a dungeon, and you must help him escape.
Animated intros were always great features of early video games, and like most from this period, the dialogue is all typed rather than spoken, appearing on title cards between animations in a process reminiscent of silent films. There’s a damsel in distress, and her plucky, young would-be rescuer is out on his own. There’s no point dwelling on some of the stupider points of the plot as this is all just the necessary scene-setting for some simplistic platform fun. Needless to say, Sinbad’s gardening technique never comes in useful in the game, understandable as you are too busy tracking down the Princess to mess around trimming bushes into bear shapes, though Sinbad is quick off the draw with his little cutlass.
The general look of Arabian Nights is instantly reminiscent of the more popular ‘Soccer Kid,’ also released by Krysalis. It’s clear that the same art team was involved, as both Sinbad Jnr. and Soccer Kid have the self-same oversized head, but the backgrounds, setting and enemy / obstacle design are completely different, owing to the differing time periods of both games. Arabian Nights also tends to be a little more claustrophobic in terms of level design, with most areas involving vertical movement as much as sideways, whereas Soccer Kid follows a more standard left-to-right scrolling style. The graphics are colourful but measured, and there’s plenty of variety due to the multiple locations of the game, from the pastel-pink dungeon to a lush forest, sunken galleon and ice palace. The enemies are all nicely detailed with easily discernible facial features, and it’s always obvious as to which objects are background details and which are props or collectables. The game’s sound effects are fairly good, but nothing too impressive, and the music is quite energetic and fast-paced with something of a Middle Eastern flavour.
Primarily a platform game, Arabian Nights is marketed as something of a puzzle game, although the puzzles themselves are nothing too complex, perhaps targeting children of around seven to ten years. Levels commonly feature keys that are needed to progress through locked doors, and some of these are stealthily hidden, necessitating some backwards movement through the stages. A couple of one-off puzzles are perhaps a little intimidating for younger players, but many can be discovered by accident, and these are often repeated throughout levels to allow the player a smug sense of satisfaction at having solved the riddles so early. The prime example is the large pots in the dungeon level that can be entered by pulling the joystick down. The other heavily marketed aspect of the game is actually fairly disappointing, and sees a shift from platform game format to flying carpet frolics between select stages, reminiscent of poorly thought-out racing simulators. These sections are essentially mini-games, but progress through them is essential and the player’s lives can be lost to the numerous obstacles such as flying galleons and parachuting sheep.
The main appeal of Arabian Nights lies in the ease of its controls, a feat that many games of the time sadly failed to achieve. As expected, two-dimensional movement of Sinbad Jnr. is controlled by the joystick’s left and right clicks, with ‘up’ for jump and ‘down’ for duck. The fire button swings the player’s sword, which only has a very limited range but can at least be held down to slice the air indefinitely. The keyboard also comes into play, with the space bar activating the glowing light bulbs that appear above the character’s head when puzzle events occur. This is a fairly small feature of the game, hardly ever coming into play, unlike genuine platform-puzzle games like the excellent ‘Dizzy’ series. Other customary keyboard commands include ‘P’ to pause the game, and ‘Esc’ to exit to the title screen. The game manual comes as standard and may be needed by players who are unsure how to use the inventory, as well as providing copy protection at the start of level two. Software pirates and thieves can play level one though; that’s fine.
Arabian Nights is a nice game to pick up and play, without the burden that comes with many modern video games. Sinbad Jnr’s fez-and-waistcoat appearance and stupid name don’t serve to eradicate Western stereotypes of mythical Arabia, and the damsel-in-distress plot is equally subject to scrutiny, but in terms of gameplay and pleasing graphics this is an above average Amiga game. The afore-mentioned ‘Soccer Kid’ is better in both of these areas, but Arabian Nights has a nice, naïve charm in its attempt to rise above being a mere platform game by introducing an inventory. Thankfully, it works, and the sunken galleon level remains one of my favourite stages from the hundreds of platform games I have on this dumb old computer.
This 16-bit game comes on a single floppy disc, and is playable on Amiga 500, 500+, 600, 1200 and 4000 machines. Alternatively, get an emulator.
Advantages: Nice, colourful graphics and varied level designs, as well as easy and enjoyable to control
Disadvantages: Puzzles are rudimentary, music is repetitive and irritating, genre encourages crap pun titles
Who Will Save Us from the Evil Insectoid Robots?
Written on 16.08.06
***
It’s a fairly bleak premise: an extraterrestrial Earth colony in the 21st century has been bombarded with radiation, and then subsequently attacked by a fleet of robots. The colonists’ only hope is a boy in a sophisticated battle suit, who must traverse hostile terrain and wipe out the intruders. Despite the emphasis on plot, and some other nice tricks that make this game stand out, it’s classifiable as standard R-Type shoot-em-up fare, as the player moves through caverns, avoids laser bullets, collects power-ups and unleashes severe firepower.
Released on the Sega MegaDrive in 1988, Treco’s ‘Atomic Robo-Kid’ is more sophisticated than the average shoot-em-up, and far more playable as a result. Gone is the constantly scrolling screen of ‘R-Type’ and ‘Disposable Hero,’ as it’s now up to the player to confront the action ahead rather than having to withstand its inevitable approach. There’s also unique incorporation of platform game traits, as the character begins the game in a standing rather than jet-propelled floating position, and can return to this pose any time by touching down on floor level. Almost all of the game involves being airborne, but there are some great advantages to wandering around on foot that prove essential as the game progresses.
Each level is designated as an ‘Act,’ and although these proceed consecutively through the game, it soon becomes clear that levels are grouped in fours. Every third stage ends in an encounter with a ridiculously enormous boss enemy, and the fourth stage consist of a more rewarding and evenly weighted face-off with another robot creature similar to the player’s character, and possessing the same abilities. Although incredibly brief, whichever way victory goes, these evenly weighted duels are perhaps the most instantly rewarding parts of the whole game.
Terrain for the regular stages varies, beginning in a customary industrial cyberpunk setting and proceeding to levels with varying degrees of strangeness, such as the inside of a body and a more pleasant rocky desert wasteland. The enemy designs are fairly consistent throughout, and are nothing extraordinary for anyone who’s played this type of shoot-em-up before. There’s an attempt to give Robo-Kid some personality at the end of every fourth stage, as he engages in a brief, typed dialogue with his CPU, using words such as ‘gnarly.’ Rad. This isn’t a puzzle game however, and the plot details they describe – such as ‘find a merchant and make an arms deal’ – have no bearing on your actions, which remain simple and laser-based.
There are a finite number of weapon upgrades that can be collected by the player, all of which accumulate and can be switched by pressing the joypad’s ‘B’ button, unlike similar games such as ‘Zero Wing’ which feature only one weapon at a time, until the next is picked up as replacement. The full arsenal doesn’t take long to accumulate through power-ups left behind intermittently by enemies, especially as these power-ups can be spun round and round by firing at them until they indicate the desired option. A fiery pulse laser replaces the stinking mediocre thing you start gameplay with, and this can be joined by a 3-way white laser, a beam ray with wide area, and a missile that can destroy enemy bullets in flight as well as break through rocks in specific areas. The game ensures that all four are effective in different scenarios, although a lot of it’s down to player preference.
Despite the sarcastic advice of Robo-Kid’s CPU that he’ll do fine as long as he shoots everything, it can be more prudent at times to try to avoid more difficult enemies if there’s a clear escape route. The player won’t actually get damaged by encountering an enemy’s physical form, only their energy weapons. As such, a lot of fun can be had switching to a standing rather than flying mode, and jumping past a load of them to lower ground. When not in flight, the ‘B’ button causes the character to jump rather than switch between weapons, and the ‘A’ and ‘C’ buttons both act as the fire button, which need to be pushed repeatedly and hastily to achieve any kind of real progress.
The original arcade game was 2-player compatible, but this feature is lacking from the home console release. An options screen allows the player to select game difficulty, which for once is automatically set to ‘Easy,’ something that should hopefully offend serious shoot-em-up fans. Changing game difficulty has no effect on the gameplay, merely increasing or decreasing the number of available lives and continue credits. As such, upgrading to the more hardcore options seems pretty pointless.
For a game originally released in 1988, the graphics and sound are nothing too impressive, but are better than less professional releases. Robo-Kid’s movements are animated nicely, and there’s a nice sense of three-dimensional playing due to the background moving at a different speed, a technique that would be perfected in ‘Sonic the Hedgehog.’ It’s a colourful and aesthetically pleasing game, but the colour schemes are always sensibly limited within each level to avoid clashing, and to allow players to concentrate on the action. The music is standard racy 16-bit techno fare, fairly annoying but strangely endearing all the same, and there’s enough variation in sound effects to distinguish between enemy attacks and friendly fire, and the different weapons in your own arsenal. I still wouldn’t recommend playing the game if you’re blind though.
A middle-of-the-road arcade-at-home shoot-em-up, ‘Atomic Robo-Kid’ is notable for its incorporation of (player-controlled) gravity. This is a game it would be fun to be great at, as the ground movement adds a nice extra dimension to play. The game should be equally appealing to children and adults, as the character is fairly cute despite being one step from a Dalek, and the colours prominent but restrained. My main gripe is the lack of a health or energy bar for the player, meaning that each and every shot brings on instant death. This makes the game a lot harder and more frustrating than necessary, and it really does your thumb joints in.
Advantages: Great use of gravity.
Disadvantages: Instant deaths make gameplay frustrating.
B
You Didn't Peach Clapa
Written on 14.04.04
*
My father is, and always will be, an Amigan. A dying race of people whose belief in and respect for the Amiga series of computers forever prevents them from entering the 21st century. As a self-professed Amigan, he was understandably hurt when my brother and I asked for a Sega MegaDrive console on which to play some popular games in 1992.
The only factor that seemed to quell his frustration was when he noticed a video game edition of Back to the Future part III at a low price, which would at least allow him to play on the new console.
Unfortunately for this Amigan, that game is terrible.
PREMISE
The Back to the Future series of films (1985-1991) concerned the friendship between a young, evolving man called Marty and an aged, eccentric scientist commonly known as "Doc" as they travelled to different points in the past and future, either by accident or honourable intent. The third and final part of the trilogy saw Marty travelling to the Old West of 1885 with the time-travelling car to rescue the Doc who, it becomes apparent, will be shot in the back unless helped. The majority of the film is tasteful Western shenanigans, and this game takes four events at random and extends them into badly designed levels.
LEVEL 1
A horse chase. With no regard for those who wish to know the film's plot, the player is thrust straight into the action as they control Doc Brown on horseback in an attempt to catch up with his beloved Clara before she plummets off a ravine.
The constantly moving player must duck to avoid crows and shots of a bandit, or jump over crates and pits. Any impact causes Doc to fall off his horse and there are three tries before game over. As well as the obstacles there are green and blue objects to pick up which can speed up or slow down the horse, but these are not essential.
This level is incredibly hard and far too fast, and in my experience playing the game I was only able to complete it by knowing exactly what the order of obstacles was. Most players will get bored with the game before they complete this level, especially after seeing the image of Clara going over the ravine at the end: if you were worrying about my spelling or sanity in the title of this review, the game is so poorly drawn in places that the message "YOU DIDN'T REACH CLARA" at the game over screen reads on a TV as "YOU DIDN'T PEACH CLAPA"- they clearly need to work on their 'R's.
LEVEL 2
At one point in the film, Marty demonstrates his 'Wild Gunman' expertise once again by shooting all the wooden ducks at a shooting gallery. The game foolishly decides to turn this into a level, in which the player must move their slow and tedious cursor over ducks and bandits, shooting them but avoiding civilians. Incredibly dull stuff.
LEVEL 3
Few players ever made it this far, and even fewer have played this level and enjoyed it. Pie throwing: sound familiar to the last level? Essentially, the player controls Marty as he throws pies in the faces of Buford "Mad Dog" Tannen's cronies.
LEVEL 4
The fourth and final level seems at last to be the start of the proper game, but in premise is identical to the first level, but on foot and not scrolling. The player controls Marty McFly as he jumps along the train and collects the seven special logs (I'm sure it was just three in the film. Well I could be mistaken. No, I am not) to shove in the furnace. This is all done under a seemingly impossible time limit and to add insult to tedium, enemies appear once again that can be taken out with, that's right, pie trays.
CONTROLS
This game is designed for use on the MegaDrive's joypad as it uses the directional buttons (up, down, left, right) and the three action buttons (A, B and C) to carry out different moves. The shooting levels are contolled by pressing any action button to fire. Despite being simple to use, these controls leave the player pressing buttons frantically and angrily, and will likely cause more controller malfunctions through a bad temper than other games.
VERDICT
This is the definition of a cash-in game, clearly brought out in a hurry to meet the film's release date and with absolutely nothing to add to the player's grasp of video game technology. The levels are boring, incredibly tedious and poorly designed, and it would be easy to leave this cartridge sitting at the bottom of a toy box to be eternally crushed by assorted, dusty Batmobiles. The Back to the Future series was very funny, exciting and original, but these games add nothing to the BTTF experience. Sorry Dad.
Advantages: None that I can see - fans of the films will be disappointed
Disadvantages: Boring, Unoriginal, Badly designed
Another Brick in the Wall
Written on 17.08.06
***
“How shall I fill the final places? How should I complete the wall?”
Roger Waters, ‘Empty Spaces’ [I was going through my Pink Floyd phase]
When California Dreams had the bright idea of making Tetris with a Z-axis, they were probably convinced that their creation would make them gods of the video game realm. Instead, it’s remembered by most as quite an enjoyable Tetris clone that provided a bit of fun, but was too difficult to make any real progress. To me, ‘Block Out’ is yet another frustrating and addictive puzzle game to help waste my life away.
Released on Sega MegaDrive under license from Electronic Arts in 1991, ‘Block Out’ is easy to get to grips with, but fiendishly difficult to master. Unlike many games where extreme difficulty was merely a way to compensate for lack of originality, this three-dimensional puzzle game could easily spawn an elite group of players, who have mastered the three-dimensional logic. The average player will probably take a while to get past level 3.
The game screen is disorienting at first, until you orientate yourself properly. The player effectively looks down from the top of a Tetris grid, and pieces fall from directly in front of the line of sight to meet the wall at the far end. Gameplay is identical to Tetris: the pieces are constantly moving, and increase in speed as the levels progress. The player needs to position the pieces on screen, which often involves rotating them to fit, and they can then be hurtled towards the far wall to slot in-between the other bricks.
The bricks are mostly the same four-cube ones seen in Tetris, but the game is a little more lenient and introduces a couple of two- and three-cube variants, especially useful for corners. The classic ‘straight line’ brick is replaced here by shorter versions, as a length of four would do some serious damage on this game’s smaller grid. Each brick is initially red, until the player shoves a block out into the Z-axis, where it becomes orange. Each wall can only be destroyed when every square of the grid is filled, which can become frustrating if you accidentally block off a couple of holes with a block in the far foreground.
After orange the colours cycle, logically, through yellow, dark green, light blue, dark blue, purple and then back to red. In the standard game, the foremost ‘game over’ blocks will be light blue. Leaving the title screen alone, a helpful demo begins to demonstrate gameplay. Unfortunately, it does deceive viewers into thinking the game is a lot easier than it really is, as the level count never increases, and the player thus has no problem completing his red walls.
“He’s intelligent, but not experienced. His pattern indicates two-dimensional thinking.”
Spock, Star Trek II
Bricks can be rotated with the joypad’s A, B and C buttons, although it takes a very long time for the controls to become instinctive, and there’s going to be a lot of guess-work and mistakes early on. The C button is the least mind-bending, rotating pieces nice and easily through 360 degrees, but A and B are more complicated, rotating pieces in what would be the X and Y axes… if the game wasn’t seen sideways-on. The best strategy is to build flat, two-dimensional walls for as much of the game as possible, only venturing into the third dimension when a piece doesn’t perfectly fit. In these instances, players should rotate pieces until the furthest block or blocks plug the remaining hole(s), and the back wall will vanish, leaving only the remainder of the final brick.
It’s a fun game and fairly addictive, although the difficulty will eventually dissuade most players from trying again. The game becomes speedy as early as level three, and I’ve never survived past level six. In most cases, it’s clear that a couple of botched blocks in the later levels equate to a point of no return, and the remaining seconds of gameplay can be spent having some destructive fun, sending blocks hurtling towards the furthest wall, which gets closer and closer each time. The game has a score counter, which is only really useful if you wish to compete with someone by taking turns, but unfortunately there’s no ‘next block’ indicator, common to many Tetris-style games, which would prove handy in aiding short-term strategy. As it is, the game is completely down to on-the-spot thinking.
For anyone crazy enough to venture beyond the standard game, ‘Block Out’ boasts some real hardcore options. The ‘3D Mania’ option features three-dimensional bricks – I’ll clarify: that means bricks that can never be placed flat on the back wall. Oh dear – and ‘Out of Control,’ featuring similar blocks to the regular game, but extended variants consisting of up to six cubes. Oh dear oh dear. There’s also an option to build a custom level, choosing the block type and dimensions of the grid. It seems that the game designers were generous with the pre-set level, as it already uses the maximum depth of 12. The standard 5x5x12 level is undoubtedly the most rewarding, as the maximum possibility of 7x7x12 just takes too long.
If you ever compulsively played Tetris and wondered what it would be like to stand at the top and chuck blocks down, ‘Block Out’ may give you some idea. There’s a free online clone at http://www.3dtris.de/ which manages to be even more confusing than the original, but the MegaDrive’s custom joypad makes for a far superior experience.
It would be interesting to encounter any other strange attempts to change the viewpoint of classic video games. I’d suggest ‘Point-of-View PacMan’ and ‘Far Away Frogger.’
Advantages: Interesting and well developed take on Tetris.
Disadvantages: Doesn't convince me of its superiority, especially as it's far too difficult.
What's Stashed in Bomberman's Slacks? [Red Dwarf reference]
Written on 02.10.07
**
I can picture the scene. Independent game producer Fabrice Decroix is sitting at home playing the arcade classic ‘Bomberman,’ recently released for home computer systems, breaking through blocks and working his way towards the exit in the middle. After completing all fifty levels he feels fairly satisfied, but can’t help thinking, “this game would be much better if Bomberman was a penis, the exit was a woman lying in a bed, and the whole game was tailored around the flimsy contrivance of him getting his end away.” Desperate to patent his idea before all the other eagle-eyed programmers noticed the gaping hole in the market for smutty knock-offs of superior arcade favourites, Decroix unleashed ‘Bomb X’ into the Amiga world in 1993, just in time to satisfy those who were getting fairly bored of the really terrible ‘Viz’ game.
‘Bomb X’ is a reasonably straightforward Bomberman clone that relies solely on its sexual premise for sales, though it was only ever released as a budget title. Its four-player option is a definite bonus, as each player controls a differently shaped version of the main character wearing a differently coloured waistcoat, selectable on the title screen. Aside from the default blue player, who I assume represents the male norm, there is a short and podgy character, a thin and withered one, and one with quite lumpy legs – or rather, the two appendages that these characters use for legs. All of them except the thin one wear a form of pink beret, the thin one’s skin being too taut for headwear to reveal itself, and there is no multi-racial option. Gameplay is almost exactly the same as Bomberman, as each player races against each other to destroy brown blocks with their emissions, avoiding or shooting enemies and collecting power-ups along the way. It’s very limited in appeal, but provides an enjoyable cheap laugh for a few minutes, if you’re thirteen years old, and even beyond the gimmicks it’s quite an enjoyable game.
The game lasts for an alleged fifty levels, all of which are pretty much the same; a green background, a blonde woman lying patiently in the centre, with destructible brown blocks, invincible metallic blue blocks, green trap-doors and several roaming enemies who regenerate after death. The enemies are a little abstract, one being a sort of generic germ or virus and the other a chomping set of teeth, about which players can draw their own conclusions. Needless to say, donning the protective rubber ‘shield’ (that’s what we told my little brother it was called, when he was slightly too young to really understand what was going on) protects against these germs for a limited time, though it has the side-effect of the player no longer being able to shoot.
Once the path to the coquettish exit is cleared, the player must seek out the ‘shield’ in order to enter its gates protected, and bounce around in joy for a few seconds before the next level starts all over again. In disappointing contrast to these enemies and the rubber protector, the other collectables take the form of a life-giving heart and a cake, demonstrating a real laziness. Could he really not think of anything else smutty to include instead? Collecting a pair of hotpants allows the player to race around at an increased speed, while the skull is a red herring that causes death, similar to the Robotnik monitors in the Sonic the Hedgehog games and purple mushrooms in Mario. [Insert purple mushroom joke here.]
Although it gets very old very fast, this is an enjoyable, fast-paced game that multiples in enjoyment when playing against other people. The joystick wobbles your willy around the screen and the fire button shoots his magic bullets, an extended press of the button leaving behind the all-important puddles that clear the path to the centre. Probably the best touch is the need to re-fuel every so often, demonstrated by the character becoming dishevelled and less priapic, while the race for the Johnny adds a nicely competitive element to the multiplayer experience. The sound effects are hardly worth mentioning, and could easily be recycled between any number of games, but the graphics are fairly enjoyable and simplistic, too cartoony to be considered truly offensive or explicit (in a ‘Wicked Willie’ style) but detailed enough to discern what’s going on. There is very limited use of animation that keeps the disk space low, merely amounting to the opening animation of a bloke opening his coat to reveal his un-detailed, nude body, and the bouncing around that’s somehow supposed to signify intercourse at the end of each level. The nicest little touch is the character’s dizzy spell after they receive a blow from an enemy (or rather, a chomp), as its head swings in a dazed circle.
‘Bomb X’ was released on a single floppy disk (yes, yes) and was compatible with the Amiga 500, 600 and 1200, but wasn’t hard disk installable (yes, yes, calm down). There is absolutely nothing beyond the flimsy cartoon-sex premise to distinguish this from other Bomberman clones, and in fact the array of power-ups and special features is significantly less than in the original game itself – the phallus can only shoot one blob at a time, for example. It’s amusing at about the most simplistic level possible, but what I actually enjoy about it more is the moral ground it takes in demonstrating the need for protection by forcing the player to wear it before they can have their fun at the end. It’s a bit of a convoluted advertisement for safe sex, and not one I can imagine them introducing into the National Curriculum, but if someone told you they had a Bomberman game where the player controlled a penis who was trying to have sex, you would, wouldn’t you?
Advantages: 4-player fun and very cheap laughs.
Disadvantages: Appeal is about as limited as you would expect.
The Ren & Stimpy Generation: Fart II [See: Earthworm Jim]
**
Despite some nicely smooth graphics, ‘Boogerman’ is nothing more than bog-standard 16-bit left-to-right platform fare, only done a little worse. Published by Interplay under what must have been a fairly large budget, this ‘Pick ’n’ Flick Adventure’ relies entirely on an exaggerated toilet humour premise to appeal to the younger demographic that took so fondly to ‘Ren & Stimpy,’ ‘Toxic Crusaders’ and ‘Earthworm Jim.’
Boogerman is a super-hero who flies around on hot chilli farts and takes out bad guys with an arsenal of bodily functions: he can burp, spit, fart and flick nose goblins. Stop sniggering. Oh wait, you weren’t. I can’t criticise kids for finding the premise entertaining, despite their parents’ best efforts to raise enlightened offspring, as I remember finding the idea quite funny when I first heard about it on its original release. Unfortunately, Boogerman almost literally takes a dump on enthusiastic players with its entirely mediocre gameplay.
As is standard for all simplistic platform games, an elaborate and insignificant premise is set up to explain why the player controls a snot-flicking super-hero in a strange forest that seems to take its nutrients from a sewer. As expected it’s pretty weak; no one lost any sleep there. A ‘Star Wars’ style introductory crawl informs us that environmentally conscious Professor Stinkbaum has devised a method to rid the world of all pollution, by transferring it inter-dimensionally to Dimension X-crement. The subsequent animation shows health inspector Snotty Ragsdale accidentally sneezing on the machine one night while hoovering the lab, resulting in some contraption or other going haywire, and essentially drags him down into its bowels. The plot’s not important, it’s mainly there for the cynics, and for once it doesn’t even dictate the final villain of the game.
The game exploits toilet humour right from the start, featuring a literal pair of toilets on the title screen, one to start the game and one to input a password pictogram. Selecting either of these toilets by pressing the down button causes the depraved hero to spin into its depths. These toilets appear within the game, providing access to subterranean sewer stages underneath the regular levels, while slimy portaloos act like the star-posts in ‘Sonic the Hedgehog,’ providing a place from which to restart when the character dies. Levels such as the opening ‘Flatulent Swamps’ are perhaps not as disgusting as they might first sound, due to the cartoon graphics, but pretty much everything is covered in a layer of bright green slime.
Anyone who’s played a platform game before will pick up the controls instantly. Left and right move Boogerman in those directions, generally heading right to proceed through each level, while up and down are handy when climbing dripping vines. The down button is the more useful of the two, providing access to the afore-mentioned toilets, digging in heaps of soil to find items, and also causing Boogerman to duck in a strained position with his rear end very prominent. One of his bodily attacks can only be accomplished in this squat position.
The joypad’s ‘A’ button flicks snot from an exhaustible supply indicated by the nose-picking icon in the top left of the screen, ‘B’ jumps, and ‘C’ unleashes the burp (or, if squatting, the bottom burp). Holding the C button down for longer will release a more extreme fart or burp respectively, which can dispatch more enemies or destroy rock walls, just like in real life. Eating a chilli gives these attacks a longer range, while milk replaces the snot option with more effective saliva. If the player uses up all their snot and burp power, they’ll have to rely on the old method of bouncing on the enemies’ heads until they locate more slime.
Boogerman’s graphics are the only real area in which it impresses, although not to the extent of some of its contemporaries. The artists succeed in capturing the exaggerated cartoon style of shows like ‘Ren & Stimpy,’ ‘The Tick’ and everything on Nickelodeon ever. The main character moves with impressive fluidity, which is especially relevant on the slick landscape, and if you leave him alone for a while he’ll go through several animated procedures, based predictably on snot and farts. The enemy designs are also pretty nice, although they don’t really fit into the toilet humour side of the game, the best ones looking more like rejects from ‘The Real Ghostbusters.’ Overall, ‘Earthworm Jim’ is a far, far more impressive game.
Like EWJ, Boogerman incorporates audio recordings of voice samples, something that was fairly risky in 16-bit consoles as the results were almost invariably distorted and muffled. Picking up items causes the character to praise ‘cool’ or ‘rad,’ and every time a new life begins he announces his would-be catch-phrase, ‘Booger!’ I’ll bet whoever came up with that was crossing his fingers that it would become a popular saying in school playgrounds, but fortunately no-one really noticed. The game’s average sound effects quickly become tiresome, based as they are on slime and flushes. The music is deep and bassy and feels somehow appropriate as the soundtrack to this exploration of the lower bodily functions.
Boogerman has no real value, artistic or entertaining, but was probably snapped up by a small but dedicated minority on its release. Too reliant on the expectation that flicking bogies will make a funny game, it really doesn’t last out. I would have been at least impressed if the designers had provided more incentive to continue playing, by making later scenarios or power-ups increasingly disgusting and even X-rated as the game approaches its conclusion, but there’s not so much as a single wee-wee or number two. Strangely for a game so obsessed with PG-level depravity, there’s a noticeable lack of attention devoted to armpits, and perhaps a tad too much on noses.
Educated comedian Stewart Lee was right when he said that the funniest occurrence in the entire month-long run of the Edinburgh Fringe festival (with all of its avant-garde progressive comedy) would be an old man, by himself, doing a fart in a wood. But would you really base a video game on it?
Advantages: Fluid motion.
Disadvantages: It stinks.
C
Soul of a New Machine [Fear Factory reference]
Written on 29.06.06
****
The Bitmap Brothers' 1992 shoot-em-up was a major participant in the evolution of that genre from the simplistic early space games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Galaxians' to the three-dimensional revolution of 'Doom' and 'Quake.' While still firmly entrenched in the second dimension, the playing field viewed from above, the excellent 'The Chaos Engine' is one of my all-time favourite games of the genre.
Set in a post-apocalyptic alternative past at the turn of the twentieth century, the game is much like any other shoot-em-up: the player controls the movement of a heavily armed character around various terrains, pulverising everything that moves and collecting power-ups until, eventually, they come across the over-the-top enemy at the game's climax and make things right again.
The storyline is intriguing, and the steampunk style looks very original as elements of Victorian England merge with futuristic technology. One or two players each control one of the "hard-nailed mercenaries for hire" (in one player mode, the computer controls the second character with impressive cooperative A.I.). These mercenaries must battle across the ravaged English landscape to find the source of all its disarray: the eponymous Chaos Engine, created by a mad scientist before it went haywire and morphed its creator and everything in the vicinity into savage supernatural beasts. This premise is primarily there to excuse a number of excellent and increasingly disturbing enemy designs throughout the game, from prehistoric monsters and rock creatures to huge crawling hands and insects.
The player(s) can choose between six playable characters, all of which boast different strengths. Brigand and Mercenary are middle-of-the-road types balancing out the extreme quick-witted speed of the otherwise vulnerable Gentleman and Scientist and the sluggish, thick-skinned Navvie and Thug. The character art is excellent, and along with the brief biographies ensures that players select their favourite characters based on more than just statistics - who would choose the neanderthal Thug over Navvie's winking bearded face? An unusual difference between this Sega Mega-Drive version and the Amiga version I'm more familiar with is the substitution of the perverse Preacher for the less controversial Scientist; both characters are essentially exactly the same, however the profile art of the Preacher’s dog collar has been tinkered with to resemble the top button of a shirt. The bespectacled and maniacally grinning Mercenary was another of my favourites, although Gentleman's cool, respectable air is also quite enticing.
The gameplay itself is very fun and fast, and avoids many of the common flaws with this type of game. For a start, the levels are completely free-roaming, meaning the players can take things at their own pace and even retreat completely to previously emptied areas in instances of ambush. Once destroyed, enemies (the locations of which are entirely pre-set) remain dead, but there are plenty of nasty surprises that will startle all but the most experienced player. A great aspect of the game is the shop that opens after clearing two areas (each world consists of four areas, and there are four worlds in total). Using the money that can be collected from dispatching enemies, the players can choose how to upgrade the characters' statistics, weapons and special attacks. Unlike other games, there's neither the time nor the funds to fashion a perfect superman character with maxed-out stats, and all decisions must be made carefully, tailored to the player's own strengths and preferences.
There's not much difference between the home computer and console version of this game ported to the Mega-Drive. In this, the directional pad moves the characters around in 2-D as would be expected, and holding the A and C buttons unleashes the players' relentless torrents of firepower. The B button activates the special power, which can be replenished from the shop or by finding objects in the playing field. The player has to activate a number of nodes and other hidden objects for progress to continue in each level before walking through the final portcullis.
This is really a pretty difficult game, and it takes an incredibly long time and a lot of luck to reach the finale. Players are given password codes after each area, tailored specifically to the player's stats and life count. The first forest world is by far the most aesthetically pleasing, with its varied terrain of rocks, foliage and bridged swamps, while the later levels tend to get a bit visually repetitive. 'The Chaos Engine' is still highly playable today, despite the aerial-view format looking a little dated, and can still provide hours of frustration for one or two trigger-happy players.
Advantages: Very enjoyable, Great characters add to the effect, Cheap thrills
Disadvantages: Nothing too original, Frustrating at times
Unga Bunga
Written on 07.03.07
**
Not a poorly conceived movie tie-in this time, though like every cartoon and video game dealing with dinosaurs or cavemen since the 1960s, ‘Chuck Rock’ owes an awful lot to the Flintstones. One of the more memorable 16-bit platform games largely for its obese prehistoric protagonist, Chuck Rock is reasonably difficult and fairly enjoyable, and another solid release from the ever-reliable Core Design.
In this game, the player controls the eponymous Chuck Rock, whose special talent lies in – you guessed it – lobbing boulders. Anyone who has ever played a platform game will be familiar with the controls and gameplay, as the player moves Chuck from the extreme left to the extreme right of each short level, jumping between platforms and over obstacles along the way. It really is very mediocre, but as usual, the graphic artists at Core Design load it with enough cute cartoon graphics to make it a fun game to come back to. The stone cars and houses may be lifted entirely from the Flintstones, but the enemies are a lot of fun, if repetitive. This would all be improved in the much better sequel ‘Chuck Rock II: Son of Chuck,’ as everything seems either too far away or too small to be as well defined here. This original also lacks the great parallax scrolling that made the sequel, and many other games of the era such as the Sonic series, look so good and pseudo-three-dimensional. It’s all well defined enough to differentiate collectable objects, enemies and background features. The colour schemes for each level are all really well defined, and it’s a pleasure to watch them change as the game progresses.
Chuck is controlled with a joystick or joypad, depending on the system, with the usual controls of left and right moving in appropriate directions, up for jump and down for duck. The fire button, or B button the Sega Mega Drive, causes Chuck to unleash his primary attack of bashing nasties with his beer gut, while the C button (or down and fire on joysticks) picks up any rock that Chuck stands in front of. With rock in hand, the belly attack is automatically substituted for a rock throw, though rocks can be more carefully dropped in place by holding down. These rocks are the only real element of strategy in the game, as they are vital for crossing deadly areas that would otherwise be too wide for Chuck’s jump ability, impaired even further by gravity if Chuck tries jumping with rock in hand.
It’s important to keep Chuck alive on his quest to rescue his wife (called Ophelia and given a proper exposition in the Amiga version, but merely the token damsel-in-distress in console equivalents). As the relentless barrage of lookalike dinos and evil cavemen inflict their damage, Chuck’s life can be replenished by picking up the very obvious red heart items. As is the case for most games of the time, a score system is still in place despite being largely redundant apart from awarding extra lives at certain junctures, and points can be gained by picking up the other collectable objects – meat. That’s right, from small sausages and chops to more hearty feasts like a pig’s head stuffed with an apple, this is clearly the most inspired aspect of the game. The levels get noticeably harder later on, but even the early stages are littered with enemies and natural traps, many of which are indestructible (such as thorny spiked bushes, bouncing balls of dust and impassable water). Fortunately, a helpful breed of dinos are also present, which occasionally offer transportation services over sea and air.
The game’s music is of predictably lo-fi synthesised quality, and sadly isn’t all it could have been. The sound team went down the prehistoric-techno route, and lacking the pretend electric guitars that made other game themes legendary (‘Golden Axe’ will always be my favourite) there isn’t much that’s memorable here, though the sounds of nature that are attempted – such as wood and stone style percussion – contribute to the camp caveman atmosphere. Even the band seen on the title screen doesn’t play anything impressive. By far the best aspect of the sound effects, all of which are entirely average, comes in the vocal sample provided for Chuck at the opening of each level, where he exclaims “unga bunga!” It’s quite amusing in its poor quality, but lacks the absolute hilarity of something like ‘Altered Beast.’
Had the caveman aesthetic been something new and original, ‘Chuck Rock’ would be a legendary game. In reality, it’s little more than an average platform game appropriating the Flintstones style. Chuck’s main belly attack is a little annoying to pull off, as it only touches enemies who are within gut-bashing distance and on the same level, meaning that anything flying at head height has to be ducked under. The rock technique is quite enjoyable, but occasionally difficult to pull off, and frustratingly imprecise. It would also be funnier if they tried to make Chuck talk more. ‘Son of Chuck’ is much better, improving on the graphics, sound, playability and variety of level design, but for a 1991 game this isn’t too bad.
Advantages: Another pretty platform game from Core Design
Disadvantages: Weaker than the team's other efforts
Flintstones Rip-Off II : Son of Impending Lawsuit
Written on 24.04.04
***
In the ancient world of the early 1990s (AD), many computer and console video games were inevitably very similar in style. Whether they were sports games, shoot-em-ups, flight sims or just another PacMan clone, the originality of the genre would soon be diluted by a string of fairly mediocre releases. This was especially true for the format known as the platform game; the player would guide a character, usually rendered in 'cute' and colourful graphics to appeal to younger players, through levels of a game in which they would face countless minor enemies, collect things, and defeat the occasional boss. Sound familiar?
The sequel to Core design's Flintstones-inspired 'Chuck Rock' was imaginatively titled 'Chuck Rock 2: Son of Chuck,' and although in many ways it is an enjoyable and good-looking game, there is little to make it stand out ten years down the line.
PREMISE
Aside from the more adult world of roleplaying games, platform titles would be based upon a flimsy and very straightforward story that would explain roughly what the character and the player were striving to accomplish. In this case, a nice series of images introduce the storyline before the game starts.
Chuck Rock, the caveman who rescued his true love Ophelia in the first game, has become an important executive in a company that manufactures primitive automobiles (depressingly similar to the rock-wheeled transport of the famous yet wildly historically inaccurate cartoon series), but suddenly he disappears. It is up to Chuck Junior, for some reason, to traverse the prehistoric landscape and rescue his father from the clutches of Brick Jagger.
Chuck Jnr. was brought to the happy couple by a Stork, indicating that either fertilisation through sexual intercourse had not been invented in them days, or that Core were a little wary about their target age group.
LEVELS & GAMEPLAY
Chuck Junior is controlled by the player as he moves through the different levels. 'Stoneage Suburbs' begin in a very Flintstones way, with irate cavemen attacking and small dinosaurs providing transport, but it is only after the five rounds of this stage that the game becomes a little interesting. A fun level based on the back of a large Diplodocus leads into less token environments, from the primate jungle of 'Monkey Trouble' through 'Trouble in the Tree' and finally an Alpine landscape.
The character of Chuck Jnr. is a little irritating to control as he feels very slow and sluggish, with such a big head and small legs. His "special abilities" consist of jumping a little, and balancing on his club to avoid smaller ground-based obstacles, but the lack of agility makes the character far less impressive and enjoyable than more well-known playable characters in games such as the fast-paced Sonic series on the Sega Megadrive.
CONTROLS
The game is played with a good old Amiga joystick, and even without the game manual it would be easy to guess the moves. Moving the joystick in appropriate directions causes Chuck Jnr. to walk left and right, jump and balance, while the fire button swings his club to hit enemies. Aside from these basic controls there are some variants: pulling the joystick back (or 'down') when next to a tame dinosaur allows the baby to ride it.
The game cannot be controlled by the keyboard, but the 'P' button performs the usual pause function, and accidentally hitting 'Escape' will take you back to the title screen.
GRAPHICS & SOUND
The graphics are the aspect of the game that redeem its unoriginal style, and it is the quirky and colourful cartoon designs of Lee Pullen and Richard Morton that cuased me to keep coming back to this game. The levels are all designed in an interesting cartoon style and there is nothing in the game that requires the player to squint. Very user-friendly and appealing.
Martin Iveson's music compliments the game's upbeat style and never gets irritating, although the same can't be said for the in-game sounds. The moans and wails of the lead character are very irritating (even more incentive not to get hit by the enemies) and the stones you hit with the club really don't sound like they're made of rock as much as a lightweight timber.
VERDICT
The whole Flintstones nature of the game makes it unoriginal and badly-planned, but some of the levels are genuinely enjoyable and relaxing to play through. There is little to set this apart from other platform games of the era released by Core and many other designers, but at the time it was quite a nice game to own. You know, a bit.
Core Design were one of my favourite game developers for the Amiga as I was a big fan of games such as these, although this is noticeable less impressive than some of their other, similarly cartoon efforts such as the complicated puzzlers 'Bubba 'n' Stix' and 'Blob.'
Sixteen-Bit Stallone
Written on 13.09.07
**
Another Hollywood action film, another rushed video game tie-in. Just like my last review of a Stallone film cash-in with ‘Demolition Man,’ I have been fortunate enough not to see the film on which the game is based, allowing me to approach this with an unbiased mind. Well, apart from the obvious preconception that almost all 16-bit games based on contemporary films were universally rubbish.
‘Cliffhanger’ isn’t as bad as ‘Demolition Man,’ and in fact resembles the type of games I have enjoyed playing greatly in the past, namely the Streets of Rage and Golden Axe series. Controlling Stallone’s character Gabe, who only resembles the actor as much as early 90s graphics permit, the action is largely based on the side-scrolling beat-em-up format that was ludicrously popular at the time, where the player can move up, down, left and right within the confines of the screen to trash the repetitive bad guys before being permitted to move onto the next wave. ‘Streets of Rage’ is the most obvious influence, the basic punch, kick and jump moves being in place and the bad guys occasionally dropping weapons such as knives that can be picked up and used for a slightly more powerful attack until the weapon becomes damaged. Unlike Streets of Rage, the number of enemy character designs is extremely limited, and the snowy mountain terrain far less enticing and varied than the seedy backstreets and strip clubs of that stupid and violent classic.
The controls for Cliffhanger on the MegaDrive are the usual directional buttons for movement, and A, B and C buttons for punch, kick and jump respectively. Feeling the need to add some variety, pressing A and B together unleashes a powerful spinning kick complete with a flailing rope, a move that costs the player health in executing, while B and C together will allow for a defensive block from mid-range attacks. All the ingredients are there for a game that some players will be brilliant at, while others like me get by through a combination of luck and tediously repetitive jump-kicks. Despite being rushed to release before excitement over the film died down, the gameplay is free from bugs or annoying glitches, most likely as there were enough earlier templates to copy. The most impressive features of the game are the stages that try something new, including a downhill chase by an avalanche that replaces enemies with obstacles that must be jumped over or otherwise navigated, and a frustrating climbing level on a rock face, where you will be shot at and hit again and again without being able to fight back. These effective mini-games aren’t too impressive, but work well to break up the monotony between bosses.
This is an extremely difficult game, and mercifully the title screen offers the option to increase the player’s life count from the default three to five or seven. There’s also the usual ‘continue’ option when lives run out, which for me is usually in rapid succession. Like all games of this type, it’s easy to learn the strategies of the fairly stupid enemies quite quickly, and the best method to dispatch them that can be recycled again and again, but the endless onslaught does become tiring. Using a knife makes the player’s hand attack more powerful, and standard enemies can be dispatched in two hits, their health bar appearing in the top right of the screen when confronted. The enemy intelligence really is quite low, and most only pose a threat if encountered in groups of three or more, especially if they throw a knife from afar. Apart from the main objective of retrieving gold in order to get your friend freed from terrorists, all detailed in the short and basic opening animation that I expect mirrors the early scenes of the film, the game adds a completely redundant points system for defeating enemies that is of no use whatsoever.
In terms of appearance, this game is fairly average for 1993. The snowy ground becomes tiring quite quickly, and it’s amusing to see how perfectly straight and wide all of the mountain paths somehow manage to be, including neatly right angled pits that must be jumped over. The sound effects are the usual unconvincing biffs and screams, but the music manages to prove slightly irritating for being in the higher pitch range, as opposed to the usual basslines that dominate these games. The title screen music sounds structured and accomplished enough that it’s easy to assume it’s a primitive synthesised rendition of the film’s main theme, but the in-game music is less impressive and should really be played on mute, if at all. The game was also released in a more primitive form for the 8-bit NES and Sega Master System, which will only be more irritating and disappointing.
The video game of ‘Cliffhanger’ is easy to pick up and play regardless of the player’s familiarity with the film, as the basic plot is outlined as it goes, and doesn’t really impact on the brainless fist fights that dominate the playing experience. It’s not too violent, there being no blood or real depictions of pain, but also nothing new to offer those who have already played superior examples of the genre, most notably the afore-mentioned ‘Streets of Rage,’ ‘Golden Axe’ and, to a lesser extent but still noteworthy, ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Hyperstone Heist.’ There isn’t an awful lot to this game, but it ought to satisfy the kind of people that enjoy Stallone films in the first place.
Advantages: An enjoyable side-scrolling beat-em-up.
Disadvantages: Gets very dull and very hard very fast.
D
The Dalek Invasion of Earth, Again
Written on 05.02.2010 [After I finally got a proper job, I only wrote a handful of late period reviews for love rather than money, since there was no way I was ever going to meet the cash-in limit again. So this one's basically just Me.]
**
An early 1990s video game based on Doctor Who, Dalek Attack is one of those arbitrary artefacts - like The Raggydolls and Asda Billy Bear luncheon meat - that has the undeserved accolade of being a core part of my childhood merely through the virtue of being in it and taking up valuable time.
Fortunately not very much, as I couldn't even beat the second level.
It's not that much of a Doctor Who game, or at least it doesn't offer anything that will appeal especially to Doctor Who fans beyond the licensing and use of familiar characters. It's mainly based around doing big jumps and shooting baddies with laser beams, something I can't remember featuring too heavily in classic Doctor Who episodes. Maybe I'm wrong, and there really is an episode in which the Doctor floats through London's sewers in a hovercraft shooting laser beams at giant snake heads and collecting pieces of his own branded logo circa 1975 (I'll be honest; the further I got into that supposedly sarcastic sentence, the more I believed the first level might actually be an authentic adaptation of 'The Serpent of Flengroth' or something).
What I'm saying is that there's probably very little overlap on the Venn diagram of people who like Doctor Who and people who like repetitive, generic platform shoot-em-up games. Who am I kidding, there was never any difference.
Daleks have always provided an effective source of terror. Alright, so they may look like pepper pots and have the voice of Zippy from Rainbow, but their alien appearance means they aren't as time-bound as something like the Cybermen, whose design tried to keep up with the speed of technology and thus changed with pretty much every appearance. Daleks can be pretty terrifying, and unless you really have watched old Dalek episodes so many times that the effect has worn off - or simpler, watched any episode of the new Doctor Who - it's still pretty terrifying the first time you pop through a door and see one on the left side of the screen yelling at itself to exterminate your poor character. The fact that getting shot by a Dalek really, really hurts makes the threat all the greater.
The story's as basic and obvious as it needs to be, to justify inserting the Doctor into Dalek-occupied London of the late twentieth century. I can't really remember it, but I know it has something to do with their creator Davros, who presumably crops up at a later stage than I was ever able to access.
There were a number of video games we had for the Amiga that ended up being most memorable for the quality of their animated intro sequence (Bullfrog's 'Syndicate' springs to mind, mainly because I never worked out how to actually play the damn thing), and while Dalek Attack isn't quite in this league, the sad truth remains that the opening animation is a lot better than the actual game: a melodious synthesised rendition of the iconic Doctor Who theme accompanies a pretty basic visual of a swirling galaxy before a face that's supposed to be Sylvester McCoy's executes the most drawn-out wink I've ever seen, and after the title card appears we're given the brief plot exposition, with a nice backing beat.
Actually, for all its flaws it should be noted that this animation is only slightly worse than what actually passed for the show's opening titles in the 80s, and the synthesised theme only slightly less jarring. What was wrong with the murky tunnel effect of the 70s? That was brilliant.
Probably the best thing about the game, and its only real attentive detail for fans, was that you could choose to play as one of several Doctors, while the second player - if you plugged in a second joystick or, more hilariously and impossibly, a mouse - could play as what I imagine are supposed to be some of the more famous human companions that accompanied the Doctor on his televised voyages. I always played as Tom Baker, who could be known by his trademark scarf. I think another one was supposed to be Patrick Troughton, or at least some short, wrinkly get in a tuxedo, and Sylvester McCoy if you couldn't be bothered to change from the default, or were strange.
The gameplay is easy to pick up, and the same as thousands of other platform-based shoot-em-ups that involve leaping between platforms, going in and out of repetitive rooms, shooting the same sprites again and again and collecting things because they're there and presumably good for you. The worst aspect of the game was its sound effects, which - beyond the aforementioned title song and sampling of "exterminate" - were just terrible. There was a sort of grunt sound for deaths, pitched low when it was robot baddies and pitched high when it was unfortunate humans, and the lack of background music made the whole thing feel sparse and empty, and not in a clever way.
So it's not that much of a Doctor Who game, but I can't hold that against it, as anyone checking out the box - with its cover image of Dalek devastation and necessary Doctor Who logo shrunk to a size more fitting to its loose association with the series - would know what they were letting themselves in for. It wasn't a very good game, but it wasn't terrible. Nothing for you to worry about though, as there's zero percent chance you'll ever come across it or find it influencing your life in a significant way. Makes you wonder what the point of me reviewing it is, really.
Another Pointless Tie-in
Written on 18.05.07
*
This pointlessly ancient shoot-em-up for one player was published for the Sega MegaDrive in 1995 by the misleadingly named Acclaim, responsible for such mediocre franchise cash-ins as ‘Bart vs. the Space Mutants’ and ‘Terminator 2: The Arcade Game’ (they’re certainly no Konami). The opening credits inform me that this game is based on a film of the same name, a fact you no doubt know already but of which I was in complete blissful ignorance, giving me the opportunity to review the game independent of its cinematic counterpart. Let’s face it, it would only ever prove disappointing in comparison, and these ancient pieces of merchandising are all pretty much the same game with a different title screen anyway.
The title screen boasts a life-like graphic of what I assume to be Sylvester Stallone in profile (I really don’t know this, and I’m aware that I could look it up in three seconds, but I enjoy being ignorant). He is accompanied by the brief description: ‘the 21st century’s most dangerous cop,’ while his opponent is similarly labelled ‘the 21st century’s most ruthless criminal.’ I don’t know who the other guy is, except that his laughing face pops up on the frequently seen Game Over screen and I’ve never seen him in the game itself. Fortunately, the player is spared the tedious and badly executed intro animations that plague many of these games, and these brief synopses are really all the background I need to know.
The title screen contains the usual ‘start’ and ‘options’ selections, as well as a handy ‘actions’ feature that informs the player how to shoot in six different ways, as well as offering some handy advice. The options screen informs that the game is controlled, as expected, by the directional pad of the MegaDrive controller, with the A, B and C buttons enabling the player to throw, shoot and jump respectively. More interestingly, the game difficulty can be alternated between calm, crazed and total demolition, and I wouldn’t be doing this job properly if I didn’t select the enticing final option.
...Alright, maybe this time I’ll select the more modest crazed option.
As expected from the game’s title alone, and my experience with action-film-to-console releases in general, the player’s goal is to proceed from left to the right across a generic cityscape, killing identical adversaries in an endlessly repetitive process. There are some slightly interesting touches, mainly the ability to climb across wires and up walls, and the attempt to replicate human movements (albeit very exaggerated, especially the distance that can be covered by jumping) is quite good. Still, this is nothing that hadn’t been accomplished by earlier and far more memorable games than this latecomer to the console, and doesn’t diversify it enough to make it stand out from the pile of dusty cartridges.
This game is really hard, which is really off-putting but at least leaves open the possibility that something more interesting is looming over the horizon, although it is inevitably not. The enemies are the standard dumb cannon fodder that you get in all games of this type, dying far too easily in comparison to the main character’s life bar, but they manage to shoot often, and with unnerving accuracy. This makes progress difficult, and impossible even as the early stages progress, unless the player masters the special ‘actions’ mentioned earlier. By learning how to duck and shoot, among other techniques, nasty head wounds can be avoided, and the life bar, which isn’t anywhere near as generous as I probably made it sound, can be preserved for longer until a medipack is chanced upon. The player’s standard attack is the unlimited handgun, which takes out most regular enemies in two shots, but grenades can also be collected in groups of five, which cause a nice little flaming mess and cause more damage as a result. The gameplay is fast and fluid, and is mainly hindered by the persistent and repetitive enemies, as well as annoying pieces of scenery that can sometimes be climbed, and other times prove to be background.
The graphics do leave a lot to be desired, and can’t fall back on the excuse that the MegaDrive is a 16-bit system, as there are plenty of better looking games that attempted similarly realistic detail and succeeded, and earlier than 1995 by which point most graphics were being pre-rendered in 3D. The sound is similarly bland and run-of-the-mill, even disappointing me with the main title theme, which I was hoping would be some great piece of synthesised symphonic rubbish like the ‘Terminator’ theme but which I can’t even remember once the title screen fades away. Like many later MegaDrive games, this one tries to impress by incorporating human voice samples very briefly, and the results are really poor. ‘Earthworm Jim’ did it perfectly, and ‘Altered Beast’ did it hilariously badly, but here it just draws attention to the limitations of a console on its last legs, about to be overtaken by Sony’s PlayStation and the Nintendo 64.
If you ever find yourself digging through a red plastic box of old video games in a charity shop and you come across an immaculate edition of ‘Demolition Man’ that appears virtually untouched, get the message, and opt for one of the unboxed, sun-bleached and well-chewed Sonic cartridges instead. The film is probably terrible, but the game is definitely worse.
Advantages: Nostalgic for earlier, similar, superior games.
Disadvantages: Frustratingly difficult, and outdated even on its release.
Down in the Dungeons
Written on 24.08.03
*****
Being a hardened veteran of Diablo II, the game that eventually followed this one as you may have guessed, it is difficult to avoid comparisons. Needless to say, the newer Diablo II had more of everything (characters, skills, items, quests, locations) and the online features are far superior, but Diablo doesn't disappoint in being a top quality roleplay sword and sorcery hack-em-up of the highest calibre, especially considering it was brought out in 1996 when they were still bringing pinball games out on the Amiga.
The essential plot of Diablo is that this big, red monster called Diablo (he's sort of the Devil, but he has brothers) has been up to no good, converting local kings and priests to turn to the dark side and so on, and you arrive in the lovely town of Tristram on a cold Friday night to proceed down into the Knightmare-esque labyrinth where Diablo and plenty of less terrifying, but cool, monsters dwell.
The player can choose from three classes, essentially based around strength, dexterity and magic; the Warrior, the Rogue and the Sorceror respectively. My personal favourite choice is the Sorceror, because I like the way he looks and I just usually find magic characters more interesting on games like these, but the game's not more or less difficult for each character. There are instances where monsters can leave through a door one by one and get deftly cleaved into oblivion by a Warrior, trapped skeletons in rooms with windows can be popped off one by one by the Rogue, and occasionally a small room can be opened to reveal it is full to the brim of skeletons, to which the Sorceror can respond with some fire walls. It's all good.
There are many varieties of monster, all of which crop up again and again as necessary, but there's enough variation in types to keep it from getting boring. Often incredibly annoying, when Succubi shoot their incredibly powerful energy at you and those little spitty creatures spit corrosive acid all over you, but the death animations and sound effects of some of these beasts make it all worthwhile. On to my personal favourite feature of the Diablo games:
Quests! Yes, no classic style fantasy game would be complete without your hero having nothing to do aside from kill stuff. The game has numerous quests, many more than can occur in one game so you'll always have some different ones every time you play, and the rewards can be incredible. My favourite quests are ones which are triggered by venturing into a particularly scary new area, with the goal of slaying the dead/malformed occupier and his skeletal horde, such as the Butcher and Lazarus, for anyone familiar with this game. Who am I kidding, I'll only get one reader at 11am on a Sunday. And of course, the final goal: the killing of Diablo. Does he get vanquished? Well it's pretty easy to guess that the game wants to satisfy your Diablo-kill hunger but also leave room for a sequel which he's also in.
As for the online feature, I don't know if this was the first multiplayer online game but it was definitely one of the earliest along with the likes of Starcraft, also made by Blizzard. Online characters need to be made from scratch, you can't simply load up your level 27 Sorceror who's got through the game and now has nothing to do. The only problem is that the variety within the game is lost online, with only four constant quests that can be done. I usually save Diablo II for my online needs, and have Diablo I as an offline game.
For a 1996 game the graphics are very good, but the more limited colour palette is quite obvious throughout. The sound quality is also excellent, and has obviously had some thought put into it to come up with the really pleasant Tristram ballad, while features such as the map, town portals to save on shoe leather and numerous bogstandard, special and ultra-special items make it all the more fun. My only real problem with the game, unfortunately due to playing Diablo II a lot more beforehand, is the lack of freedom for the player. The dungeon levels (16 in all) are large and take a long time to clear (of enemies), but the only possible movement is up and down levels. It just unfortunately feels a little limited. My game also didn't come with the often-talked about manual, apparently a real eye-catcher which would not surprise me considering the high quality of the Diablo II manual, but that's what you get from buying reduced price games with the name of a reduced price games company emblazoned over the top. A really enjoyable game that will last much longer than many of the more modern games.
Advantages: Very fun and very cheap, Pioneered the isometric hack n slash RPG genre, Online ability
Disadvantages: Quite hard sometimes, balanced by the "save and load anywhere" feature, Doesn't stand up against some newer equivalents
8 Players and a Load of Cows
Written on 02.08.03
*****
Often seen as the pinnacle of roleplaying, hack 'n slash-em-up, Diablo II was the first game of its type I played, and although I've now been exposed to more complex and potentially involving PC games, this is still the one that I find most fun and enjoyable.
A little bit about the game itself:
In brief, the player can choose from 5 character classes (2 more with the expansion set), and get the characters through 4 acts (again, 5 with the expansion), gaining better equipment and skills all the time. The best thing about the game however, in my opinion, is the huge range of character 'styles' available.
While the huge number of online regulars will generally stick to what has been proven "most nails" or easiest to use, such as using a Barbarian skilled with sword using the Whirlwind attack (sorry for all the jargon, but I'm restricting myself as much as I can!), each character's skills are arranged in skill trees of 10 skills each, all sub-divided. As an example, the Sorceress character's skill trees range through "Fire Skills", Ice and Lightning, and each has its advantages (although don't mention that online or you'll likely receive a lot of illiterate abuse, possibly related to your lineage, although more often than not simply expressed as "f****** noob!") This review is essentially a guide to the online features and experience of Diablo II, told by a true veteran with far too much time on his hands. For more information on the characters, quests, mlocations and all the interesting stuff, I reccomend you look at some other reviews by people that know what they're talking about.
Unlike a lot of games of this type, your character's basically just going to get through the game by killing loads of interesting, and less interesting, monsters, often finding an important item at the end of a long killing haul; it's basically a kill-fest. However, more joy is available in t he rare, unique or set items that can be:
- found in the game, if one is lucky enough,
- traded online, if you can find anyone without all their insanely-protective hacked armours being the only unaffordable currency,
- or bought off eBay, if you're my mate Dan.
Nevertheless, it's the online feature, with a maximum of eight players per game and a friend list that can keep track of your buddies, or enemies if you feel like a bit of abuse, that keeps me playing. Without this ability, I'd not like the game as much. Basically, online games can be classed as:
- playing. Getting your character through the quests and levels, often aided by a high level player in return for a perfect skull, the currency of choice for the player who has everything several times over plus more on another online account,
- duelling. Characters of the same type, usually, battle it out to see who's chosen the best skills. Not as obsolete as one would think in the modern Diablo world of Barbarian clones,
-trading. A load of people standing around, occasionally swapping items, and
-"cowing." The easiest way to gain levels once the game has been completed, for a while anyway, the Secret Cow Level is basically a huge area where giant cows walk around brandishing huge axes and making hilarious, unconvinving "moos"- I read it was the Blizzard team who created the game. Boring as it sounds, a Friday cow session, preferably following a watch of Conan the Barbarian, makes a perfect night. Tried and tested... last summer was great!
In between games, a lot of time will also be spent inevitably in the chat channels, often the centre for trade with phrases like "need 888 offer soj, ps", often the centre for intense philosophical debate, "huge weaving was the guy in matrix and lotr as the elf leader guy", or occasionally just profane abuse "haaaa f****** noobs, they r all gay."
Diablo II is one of the few video games that I play, but the amount of time I've put into it, mainly online, does more than balance that out. With my home computer currently incapacitated, Fridays just aren't the same without a (healthy/unhealthy - delete as appropriate) dose of "cowing." I know it seems like I've taken a lot of stabs at the online community, but it's only the truth- such things can be avoided though. The game offline simply seems a lot less interesting and more lonely once you're used to the online, and a final benefit is that a wiping of one's hard drive does not mean that online characters will be lost! There's always the chance that Blizzard will screw them up though. By the way, this game's usually dead cheap, as it's three years old.
For anyone who's played the game and interested, my favourite character to play is the Necromancer, even though he's not so appreciated. What can I say, I love skeletons and vampires, all the good stuff. Well, not good. I also play paladins a lot, and I've started using sorceresses which is turning out great. The barbarian is fun, but now I've played him I don;t find him as interesting to return to, and the Amazon just isn't for me, even though I like their attitude to tight clothing. Assuming the Diablo II Expansion is available on here for review, expect that to follow shortly, but it won't be pretty...
Advantages: Online ability multiplies that enjoyment to truly addictive, Fantasttically developed game, constantly being updated,
Disadvantages: Not everyone is always happy online, The game can become tedious after a lot of play
Diablo II Expansion Set: Lord of Destruction
There Is Another [Just to confuse franchises]
Written on 23.07.07
****
The inevitable expansion set for Blizzard's Diablo II can usually be found for the same discounted price as the main game itself, which nowadays can be as little as five pounds from major retailers, and it requires an install of the main game to run. Developed, like all expansion sets, to build upon the existing game and add new reasons for experienced players to keep playing, 'Lord of Destruction' succeeds in broadening the horizon as far as it reasonably could, but perhaps responds a little too enthusiastically to misguided criticism of the earlier game in cheapening the overall experience. As this is a review of the expansion set in its entirety, I won't go into the mechanics of the Diablo II game itself, something I will remedy with a future review. In the simplest possible terms, Diablo II is a roleplaying hack-n-slash-em-up viewed in isometric from diagonally above, in which the player controls a pre-set character and evolves them in their own preferred way, entirely through the repeated killing of monsters of varying size, shape and colour across a game map that changes with each new game. There are quests to be completed, with rewards to be gained, and the ultimate purpose it to kill the biggest boss monster at the end of each Act without dying too often.
The most instantly noticeable addition in 'Lord of Destruction' is that of a fifth Act, tagged straight on after what was previously the end of the game, and done so rather clumsily. An icy environment was the obvious choice after the woodland, desert, jungle and hellish Acts of Diablo II, but fortunately the frosty Barbarian Highlands fit nicely into the game's established storyline. The layout follows the same pattern of Acts one to three, rather than the truncated fourth Act, with a safe 'town' location provided as a starting point by the pleasant warrior barracks of Harrogath, filled with the usual merchants and talkative townsfolk, and an extensive map across dangerous terrain, including caves and dungeons, to the ultimate confrontation with the Act boss (Baal in this instance) in its lair. Perhaps due to the greater focus on creating a single Act for the expansion, Act V looks and plays absolutely brilliantly, and it's clear that Blizzard's development team was attentive to feedback on what worked and what didn't in Diablo II, particularly it seems in regard to the unpopular third Act.
The Bloody Foothills, the first hostile area outside Harrogath, is just about the perfect place to combat monster after monster and gain valuable experience points, presented as a narrow mountain path up to the Frigid Highlands that avoids the usual wandering left and right to find enemy encounters by conveniently making 'up' the only option. Fortified weapon towers and doors that must be beaten down to progress are nice touches that now seem lacking in the earlier game, and although both underground and exterior locations follow the same sort of pattern as all the previous Acts – but with snow this time – it helps that they look fantastic, a vast improvement over some of the more tedious and repetitive later Acts in regular Diablo II. The final confrontation with Baal is ultimately a bit of a let-down after all the pomp that went into summoning forth Diablo at the end of Act IV, but it's handled in a different and rather unusual way to avoid being too repetitive, even if it borders on arcade game territory in this final showdown.
The second major addition aside from the fifth Act is the introduction of two new playable character types alongside the original five, in the form of the female Assassin and male Druid. The problem here is that, unlike the icy niche of Act V, the existing characters essentially covered all the bases, expanding on the basic trio of Warrior, Rogue and Sorcerer from the first Diablo game to present the mighty Barbarian, noble Paladin, swift Amazon, sinister Necromancer and wise Sorceress. Skilled in ninja-style combat, setting up traps and fighting hand-to-hand with specialised equipment, the Assassin most resembles the idea of the Amazon, while the Druid, aside from his unique ability to shape-shift into Werewolf or amusing Werebear forms, is more like a watered down mixture of the Necromancer and Sorceress. It's really no fault of Blizzard's that there was no gap left to fill, and these character classes have remained popular among players, but as someone who came to the expansion set a long time after having immersed myself in the larger game, I still have never quite accepted them. Nevertheless, the experience of controlling these new characters, particularly the Assassin with her charged attacks and clones of herself, is just about as different as the earlier characters were from each other, and although the Druid's ability to summon ravens, mammals and vines, and harness elemental magics of fire, ice and wind, are very similar to existing powers of other characters, there really is nothing else like morphing into a huge Werebear form maxed out for maximum longevity and having some friendly banter with Deckard Cain or Charsi.
The rest of the changes made by the expansion set are all designed to compliment existing elements of the game itself, and it's here that my (perhaps snobbish) aversion comes to the fore, just as changes often irk old people. Everything has clearly been designed to improve the game based on players' feedback, and in many ways the game does benefit. The ability to add armour and weaponry to hired computer-controlled mercenaries is a huge benefit that prevents them from being a mere meat shield in later Acts, and the larger size of the player's Private Stash is hugely helpful compared to the miniscule amount of space afforded to store special items and gems in Diablo II. The expansion also adds some more all-important hotkeys for faster access to the characters' skills, and the option to play in the more detailed and distant 800x600 resolution for the first time, which can be helpful in seeing enemies approach from afar. Getting even more technical, the introduction of jewels and runes complicate the socketing system previously based entirely on gems and skulls, while character-specific items – such as shrunken heads that can be used as shields only by Necromancers, that benefit specific Necromancer skills, or wolf heads that Druids can use as helmets – are an intelligent addition the game, particularly in the early stages.
A few of the changes make the game more fiendish, such as the larger physical immunity of monsters in the hardest game setting ('Hell mode'), which prevents melee characters such as the Barbarian from speeding through the game faster than magic-based players, and of course the fifth Act means an extended playing time before each difficulty setting can be completed, but it sadly seems that the majority of changes made by Blizzard were designed simply to make the game easier. Characters can now gain experience points far more easily than in Diablo II, especially noticeable at the higher player levels, and the quantity of unique and 'set' items (too much terminology to go into here) has been doubled from the regular game, the newer items generally being far more ludicrously generous in the benefits they offer. All of these 'improvements' lead me to grumpily un-click the 'Expansion Character' option whenever I create an online character and struggle through like we had to in the olden days, when Diablo was really about Diablo, none of this new-fangled 'Baal' nonsense, and we were content to make do with a smaller stash size and harder monsters. I still have to play off the expansion disc though, as my old Diablo II play disc is too mouldy and old. And no, I don't often play the first Diablo game and think they never should have made a sequel, as Diablo II is miles better. It isn't 1996 any more, granddad.
Aside from my aversions to playing long-term on the expansion, especially in the online community which appears far more concerned with obtaining pointlessly fantastic items rather than having some fun killing brightly-coloured shrieking monsters, 'Lord of Destruction' is still a worthwhile and valuable addition to the Diablo II playing experience when used as an alternative. The fifth Act looks superb and is a lot of fun to play, making it easily the best since the first two Acts, and the quests have been well thought-out. It's also nice to see the Barbarians getting some attention in the storyline and having the opportunity to work alongside their brethren, and my character of choice the Necromancer gets the chance to pit his infernal skills against the villainous Nihlathak in his Halls of the Damned. I haven't even mentioned the musical score for this Act, which is perhaps the finest in the whole game in its epic symphonic majesty, though I'll always have the softest spot for the sitar-strumming of Act I, based on Tristram in the first Diablo game.
Unlike the new character classes which seem very tagged-on, the fifth Act is a full and authentic successor to its predecessors, and the new items and possibilities grant even more life to a game that's still going strong so many years after its release, with news of a third Diablo game in the works. [It eventually came out five years later. Not played it.] Both Diablo II and the 'Lord of Destruction' expansion are fairly old games now, and will play on computers with Windows 95 or NT 4.0 or higher (I've always played on Windows XP), and the expansion requires a maximum of 800MB hard drive space to install the full experience, including the pretty computer-animated sequences before and after the fifth Act. The game is all contained on a single CD which doubles as the play disc and replaces the Diablo II play disc after install, meaning the old timer can be stored away for a few years until you buy a new computer and need to re-install it, only to find that it no longer works. The expansion can be bought for £9.98 on Amazon.co.uk, and it requires the original game which can also be bought for £9.98. Just be warned that this ridiculously enjoyable and uncomplicated RPG may take over a substantial part of your life.
Advantages: Great looking fifth Act, interesting new characters and game alterations.
Disadvantages: Cheapens the previous game in some ways.
Fry the Jolly Rodge-egg (like a rotten egg) and Batten Down the Hatches (like an egg hatches) [Uncredited Lee and Herring, but what else is new?]
Written on 06.09.07
***
The sequel to ‘Dizzy – The Ultimate Cartoon Adventure’ by talented geeks the Oliver Twins was one of the most popular in the series, despite still having a few of the bugs and frustrating features left over from its impossibly hard predecessor. A platform adventure game, the player controls Dizzy – a smiling egg with arms and legs – across a number of screens in the game world, coming across obstacles that can only be conquered by picking up and using the correct item, or skilfully jumping to avoid. As Dizzy cannot destroy the numerous enemies and traps that get in his way across land, sea and sky, the game requires a degree of skill and patience. As Dizzy only has one life, without even the health bar that would be added to all later sequels, the relatively small game will likely never be completed.
The setting of ‘Treasure Island Dizzy’ can be deduced from its title: Dizzy starts the game on a beach by a deadly sea that requires a snorkel to enter, and the only other direction is left. Unfortunately, the jump up to the rock face is slightly too high, meaning Dizzy will have to pick up the empty treasure chest lying around in the sand, move it to the foot of the cliff, and use it as a step. This first, basic puzzle sets the game up nicely, but is perhaps too deceptively simple, as the numerous items that will be found thereafter are often perplexing even in the long-run. Dizzy can only carry three items at any one time, and without the easy inventory system of later games, whichever item he picked up first will be dropped before the others whenever the fire button is pressed. This adds an even greater degree of difficulty to a game that was already overflowing with danger, as carelessly picking up an object while underwater could potentially lead to dropping your invaluable snorkel and floating silently to game over.
The Dizzy games were some of my favourites on the Amiga, and despite the added frustrations that came with this game, its unique layout and attractive setting make it one of the most memorable, particularly compared to the more fantasy- and castle-based games in the series, which became a little repetitive. The game map is a modest size compared to some of the later games, but an awful lot of retreading left and right is required, and it’s likely that most players will never see some of the later screens up in the clouds and over the other side of the ocean. Dizzy’s obstacles include wooden cages in the treehouse village that can fall and capture him – these merely need to be avoided by jumping across the landing area or finding a way over or under it – and huge flying insects that don’t hurt him like the underwater enemies, but instead have quite strange and interesting effects.
As well as solving each of the puzzles as it comes by selecting the correct item to use, or (more likely) having to head back to wherever you left the seemingly pointless item to retrieve it, the player is also required to find every single golden coin scattered throughout the game in order to return home at the end. To make matters even worse, many of these are hidden behind bushes and doorways or in other locations, meaning that players will effectively have to press the joystick’s ‘fire’ button (or the ‘enter’ key as keyboard equivalent) on every suspicious piece of scenery they pass. With this mix of puzzle solving ingenuity and patience-testing, the game can be enjoyed by people of all ages, including young children, who will perhaps learn a thing or two from the solutions posed.
Unusually for an early video game made in the late 80s, one of the best features of ‘Treasure Island Dizzy’ is its soundtrack. Lacking sound effects of any kind, the only noise is the synthesised main theme looping tirelessly, with one of my all-time favourite video game themes (alongside those from ‘Golden Axe,’ obviously). Unlike ‘Spellbound Dizzy,’ the theme doesn’t grate on my nerves over time as it’s based equally in the high and low ranges, and it would sound really excellent in a primitive electric guitar version. The graphics are less impressive, far flatter and less detailed than the later games in the series and lacking in the shading, causing Dizzy to basically resemble a white oval with a crude black outline dotted around him, his facial features also seeming quite crushed into the available space. The terrain is very repetitive also, perhaps a necessity of the space available on the original floppy disc or cassette tape, but in terms of the actual gameplay itself there’s very little to date this. The extreme difficulty is quite unfair, particularly when the player nears the end only to die in an accidental mis-jump due to the difficult controls, but the basic premise of Dizzy games makes them just as enjoyable today as they were originally, if a lot harder to come by.
Many of the staples of the series such as the Yolkfolk, the energy bar, the inventory screen and Dizzy’s hat would only come into place with the next game, ‘Fantasy World Dizzy,’ and I would recommend the games that came after as the most easily playable and satisfying in the series. Nevertheless, ‘Treasure Island Dizzy’ was an important early development that vastly improved over the original and introduced many of the elements, enemy designs and items that Codemasters would continue to rip off in future games of the series. And as I said, that primitive synthesised music is completely great. [Lapsing into Kevin Turvey.]
Advantages: Increased focus on item-based puzzle solving, with less [Fewer] enemies.
Disadvantages: Unfairly and tediously difficult.
Vitelline Memb-Brain Power (egg puns getting desperate)
Written on 01.11.07
****
The third game in the Dizzy series, the last to be designed by creators the Oliver Twins themselves, fixes the problems of its frustratingly difficult predecessors and fleshes (shells?) out the character’s world and the abilities of the platform adventure game format. This was the first game to introduce Dizzy’s eggy brethren the Yolkfolk, the first to afford multiple lives (rather than the evil, instant game over of ‘Treasure Island Dizzy’), and the first to take place in a typical fantasy setting, complete with trademark Dizzy castles, dragons and ogres – hence the name. It’s also memorable for being the only game in the franchise to depict the in-game character in the safari hat he’s always seen wearing on the boxes.
Although its immediate successors were a little more sleek and attractive, this pivotal title remains one of the most enjoyable and successful of the Dizzy games, and features some truly weird ideas of the like that would never really be seen again once design of the games was handed over fully to Codemasters. The game map is a little larger than ‘Treasure Island Dizzy’ and further exploits travel up and down through castles and tree-house complexes in addition to the game’s usual wanderings to the left and right. The action begins in a castle dungeon where the player must negotiate with the severely ugly guard for their freedom – not as difficult as it sounds, merely requiring handing over the juicy apple already lodging in your inventory. Working your way to the surface is probably the single most treacherous part of the game, with evil rats, spikes and water poised to splatter Dizzy into the amusing (and rather sick) fried egg that he becomes when losing a life, and although it makes the initial playing a little frustrating for newcomers to the game’s style, this treacherous crash course is adequate preparation for what lies outside.
The Yolkfolk are scattered throughout the land, and a word in their shell-likes will reveal in most cases that an item or errand is required in order to send them home. Dizzy’s own progress is achieved through the logical use of items that can be carried around in his inventory or dumped anywhere to save for later once its three compartments are full, and while there’s a certain degree of obvious logic to most dilemmas – tying the snapping gator’s mouth together with the tough rope and putting out fires with jugs of water, for example – some ‘solutions’ are much harder to understand due to the very specific programming of the Oliver Twins, and some areas essentially require a life or two to be lost trying out the possibilities. The most notable example comes with the weird armour-plated rhino dinosaur thing to the left of the castle drawbridge, which has to be lured into a cave by dropping a chop there and leaping to safety before it lunges forward to crush Dizzy. Early scenes feature handy hints as to how to proceed, but the majority of the game is based on trial and significant error, perhaps nowhere more evident than with the four lift control stations operated by the same key, which I still struggle to get my head around fifteen years later.
As with all the Dizzy games, the original simplistic, 8-bit version was released in tandem with a more advanced and full-colour 16-bit version for higher spec computers (we’re talking 1989, remember), and comparing the hi-tech version of this game to that of its slightly crude and plain-looking predecessor, there’s certainly been a step forward. In fact, this is the only game where the Dizzy sprite itself has been significantly redesigned from the usual white, happy-looking oval with red gloves and boots, and the greater amount of detail in his attire and facial features (he even has a nose) require the sprite to be enlarged from is usual size, which is oddly disconcerting, having becoming accustomed the similar Dizzies of the other games, all of which use the same basic template forsaken here. The environment itself can also appear a little unpleasant at times, the orange rocks and bland backdrops tending to merge a little too much with the predominantly brown objects and monsters – or in the case of the grey castle, grey objects and monsters – to the extent that the game sometimes seems lacking in a colour palette, something that’s certainly not the case in the hi-tech release. There are no sound effects as usual, but the whole playing experience is drenched in another immortal Dizzy score, not my personal favourite (that accolade unquestionably belongs to ‘Treasure Island Dizzy’), but certainly one of the most memorable, and the one unapologetically stolen by Allister Brimble for the enjoyable Dizzy rip-off ‘Wibble World Giddy’ four years later. As always, the bubbly, chirpy music won’t be to everyone’s taste and may become severely irritating if playing for long periods at a time, but surely you could just switch your speakers off? Do I have to do everything for you?
‘Fantasy World Dizzy’ is the earliest game in the series to finally achieve a good balance in order to remain playable rather than simply frustrating, although the energy bar wouldn’t be implemented until the following year’s sequels, meaning that one touch from an enemy or sharp object causes Dizzy to splatter everywhere – fortunately he has three lives this time around. Although there’s a relative lack of characters to interact with compared to ‘Magicland Dizzy’ and the rest that came after, this game is packed with some really fun ideas and basically achieves everything the Oliver Twins wanted from the franchise, which became a little more down-to-earth hereafter (or at least, didn’t include anything like the crazy upside-down screens here when Dizzy travels through the Earth’s core to the other side). The game was released on floppy disk and cassette for Amiga, Amstrad, Atari, Spectrum, Commodore 64 and DOS, and in most cases was controlled by a simple one-button joystick or, in its absence, simple keyboard commands. Although there were no major differences between the higher quality formats, the Amiga version was clearly best – what a machine!
The graphics are a little messy and soft, avoiding the brash, cartoonish outlines of its predecessor but lacking a little tangibility in the process, but it’s great to see the mythical creatures (both friend and foe) and introduction of Dizzy’s bland cheerleader girlfriend and the rest of his one-dimensional homeys. As the final, perfected masterwork of the Oliver Twins’ yolky vision before they moved on to other things (mostly poor quality simulators), this is technically the only Dizzy game anyone needs to play, though the ones that followed were all a little better.
A re-make of the lower-spec version can be downloaded from the Dizzy fansite at http://www.yolkfolk.com/site/games.php?game_id=71 [Doesn't work]
Advantages: The Oliver Twins' swan song (swans lay eggs, geddit?) fixes the problems of their first two games.
Disadvantages: Too great a reliance on fatal trial-and-error to solve puzzles.
Yolkfolk Poached!
Written on 30.08.07
****
The fourth game in the popular budget Dizzy series, ‘Magicland Dizzy’ was the first to be produced by Codemasters without the direct involvement of its original creators the Oliver Twins, although they retained supervision privileges to ensure their egg was being looked after. ‘Magicland Dizzy’ is thus quite similar to its immediate predecessor, ‘Fantasy World Dizzy,’ but with improvements in graphics and more involved, extended gameplay. Once again, Dizzy’s friends and family the Yolkfolk have been transported to a strange, fantastical land by the evil wizard Zaks, and the brave, boxing glove-clad Dizzy sets out to rescue them and return them all home.
This particular game was always one of my favourites, and the first in the Dizzy series to offer a really engrossing and great-looking adventure game, alongside ‘Spellbound Dizzy’ which was produced at the same time by different staff. The screens are all very nicely detailed and realised, from the opening Stonehenge clearing to the vast castle and ice palace interiors, and the treacherous volcano. Like most games in the series (with the exception of the extensive underground complex in ‘Spellbound’), the game primarily involves moving Dizzy to the left or right of each screen to progress to the next, with some important but less prevalent movement up and down, aided by stairs, lifts and cloud hopping. The game is a puzzle adventure, meaning that it plays like a platform game (moving Dizzy with the joystick or keyboard), but progress is made by picking up items and using them in the correct places. There are a number of enemies that need to be avoided, as Dizzy can’t harm them – apart from one instance with the ghosts, which is amusingly inspired by PacMan. The player has three lives and an energy bar that depletes with damage, but some obstacles such as the annoying water will kill instantly.
Targeted mainly at children, there’s still a lot of enjoyment to be had from ‘Magicland’ for all ages, even seventeen years after the game was first released. The graphics are fairly basic, though attractive and fully coloured on the more hi-tech Amiga version, but as a simplistic (yet difficult) puzzle game it isn’t restricted by age in the way that other games would be, intended as a cheap budget release in the first place. The controls are very easy to master, even if some of the obstacles could do with a little rethinking, and unlike some earlier games in the series, the objects and puzzles are relatively abundant and occasionally even multi-purpose. Continuing from the previous game, Dizzy must use some items on the Yolkfolk themselves in order to rescue them from their fiendishly metaphorical predicaments – for example, the hippie Dylan has been transformed into a bush, while cool Denzil has been frozen in a block of ice. The ultimate objective is to rescue Dizzy’s token blonde girlfriend Daisy, who is trapped inside Zaks’ ice palace, but the nature of the game means that, while some degree of freedom is granted, many events need to be set in motion in a fairly linear order to progress.
‘Magicland’ is one of many Dizzy games to feature castles and fields, and the one I view as the most definitive. The fantasy setting is explored better than in the previous game, despite that having ‘Fantasy’ in the title, with a handsome Prince (well, he’s not my type, but that’s what he’s called), a green witch and even a Billy Goat Gruff. The interaction with these characters and others makes for a more interesting Dizzy game than the first couple, where greedy shopkeepers were pretty much the only contacts, and the map has been nicely designed to stay interesting and not too annoying in the inevitable back and forth travels that constitute most of the playing time. This is an annoying feature of Dizzy games, particularly as there are permanent dangers that must be traversed with every journey, but fortunately the majority of the game takes place roughly in the middle of the map, with only sections near to the end occurring in the ice palace to the far left and the volcano (or is it Hell?) to the far right. This brings up my biggest complaint with the game, which is sadly completely intentional: some areas require jumping from such a specific point that even the most experienced player could slip up and lose, just when they were about to finish. This is most noticeable in the screens between the start and the castle, with both a well and a moat to cross, but is even more dangerous when crossing the witch’s lake, particularly as annoying birds swoop down to have a peck at you. They wouldn’t like you doing that to their eggs, so why should Dizzy have to put up with it?
Although I will always have a softer spot for its brother ‘Spellbound Dizzy’ (informally ‘Dizzy 5’), ‘Magicland’ excels in providing a more authentic Dizzy experience, and perhaps even setting the standard. There are no sound effects as usual in these early games, but the music manages to avoid the annoying whistling tone of ‘Spellbound’ in favour of quite a pleasant tune that repeats endlessly but gives me a lot of nostalgia, so that doesn’t present a problem – sadly, it’s not quite up to the excellent early standard set by the ‘Treasure Island Dizzy’ theme. The Dizzy games never looked better than this, despite some cosmetic alterations and side-scrolling introduced to the bigger budget later releases, and the idea of cursing the anthropomorphised Yolkfolk with predicaments that act as metaphors for their personalities is a very nice touch that would be repeated a few times afterwards: gotta love that evil wizard’s sense of humour.
Interestingly, long-dead ‘CU Amiga’ magazine gave away a demo of this game that acted as a prelude, in which players had to complete a brief but entirely unique quest to activate the machine that transported Dizzy into Magicland in the first place. Titled ‘Into Magicland: Dizzy 3½,’ this is a fun addition that can still be found online along with the original game from the Theo’s Grotto fansite at http://www.yolkfolk.com/site/games.php?type=2&rowstart=100 (albeit in the more primitive version). [URL naturally doesn't work after more than a decade, find it yourself.] For the 16-bit version, purchase an Amiga 600 from eBay.
Advantages: Everything that made Dizzy games so enjoyable for all, the best looking yet.
Disadvantages: Retracing steps across dangerous terrain becomes annoying fairly soon.
Dizzy's Egg-cellent Adv-egg-ture
Written on 23.08.07
****
As the fifth game in the popular ‘Dizzy’ series, it could be expected that the repetitive format of the games would start to impede enjoyment, but the excellent ‘Spellbound Dizzy’ expands the scope of the platform adventure series and requires even more patience and ingenuity than its predecessors.
The Dizzy games were originally designed by the Oliver Twins for the Commodore, Amiga, Spectrum and other home computer systems of the late 1980s, but by this point in the series their involvement was minimal. Far from causing a downturn in the quality of the games for moving away from their original style, the fresh ideas of the Codemasters team kept each Dizzy sequel distinctive and far more enjoyable than another basic left-to-right game set in a tiny horizontal world would prove, demonstrated by the less successful follow-up ‘Prince of the Yolkfolk’ which attempted such a back-to-basics approach. The size and shape of the game map is the most noticeable difference in Spellbound Dizzy, as the majority of the game takes place underground at various depths, either accessed through the central ‘Windy Shaft’ (I didn’t realise the comic potential as a child) or through undersea travels. Like all Dizzy games, progress also requires that Dizzy take to the skies to access key areas and find items, achieved by bouncing from spinning mushroom springs and between clouds.
Although targeted as an adventure game, the Dizzy series is essentially a platform game that is easy to control and understand, but full of logic puzzles in the form of obstacles, items and characters that need to interact with each other through the liaison of the main character. Dizzy is an egg with a face, boxing glove-clad arms and red boots, and his friends and family have, as usual, been teleported into various sticky situations from which they can’t extract themselves. This time however, it was Dizzy’s unseen spell book meddling that caused them to be trapped in the vast underground cavern, and the wizard Theo can only send them home one by one if Dizzy gives him one of their personal belongings (acquired by finding and talking to each character) along with five of the gold stars scattered liberally (but finitely) throughout the game world.
The rescue of the Yolkfolk may be the main objective, but the game is a continuous battle of puzzle solving, most of which involves Dizzy having to re-trace his steps repeatedly to return with the appropriate item that will solve the dilemma. Action is not entirely linear, and each player will progress differently both at the beginning and even once they learn the game, but many actions need to be set in motion before further ones can be unlocked. The most obvious example is the Windy Shaft, which can only be entered (yes, yes) by carrying a rock to make Dizzy heavier. The more rocks he carries in his maximum capacity of four (two before finding a handy bag), the further he can travel, and the more items and characters he will encounter.
Like all good adventure games, whether point-n-click, text-based or a two-dimensional platform game such as this, the game’s lifespan is extensive, and it takes a very long time to complete even if you know exactly what you’re supposed to be doing. The downside is that the game has no save option (unless you’re using an emulator with a built-in save facility, of course), meaning that my seven-year-old self would have to pause the game whenever I was forced to go anywhere, and switch off the Amiga monitor (so it looks like the computer’s off; I was crafty). This makes the dangerous obstacles posed by the enemies (fish, fire and various flying creatures), as well as the possibility of drowning, a severe risk, as Dizzy only has three lives. Food in the form of fruit and cakes can be eaten if found lying around on the floor, which replenishes Dizzy’s energy bar.
Dizzy’s movements are controlled with a joystick, or the keyboard if you don’t have one, with ‘up’ causing Dizzy to jump vertically, and left and right moving in the respective directions. Diagonal jumping is achieved by pushing in the relevant direction, and the fire button brings up the small inventory, or interacts with any object or character that Dizzy is standing in front of. The fairly low budget game was shipped in a small box on a single floppy disc, and available in two different versions depending on the power of the personal computer, the main difference being in the coloured graphics and sound quality. The music is another drawback of the game, however nostalgic it makes me feel, as like all early Dizzy games the single tune is repeated endlessly throughout the game, which features no sound effects at all to break it up. The only release from the jolly synthesised flute and 80s bassline is the brief death melody when Dizzy loses a life.
By contrast, the graphics (on the superior version at least) are very nice, if a little primitive. The predominant colours of orange rocks and black background become a little repetitive in the underground areas, but there’s enough variety in the form of foliage above ground and underwater areas to keep things from being too samey. Dizzy and the enemies are very clearly defined, and the only area that really suffers is the small images representing the items, as some are difficult to define until picked up, when they receive a brief text description. Character animation is limited, Dizzy’s default pose being a happy face with constantly waving arms, but it all serves to keep the costs down by avoiding unnecessary detail.
Although dated as a video game, Spellbound Dizzy is as playable and enjoyable today as it was in 1990, although much harder to come by. It remains my favourite of all the Dizzy games for its different approach and distinctive look and feel, but essentially plays the same as the rest, even recycling one or two obstacle/solution ideas from its predecessors. It doesn’t look too impressive, and sounds tediously awful, but underneath the surface it’s a timeless game, and children will likely learn a thing or two from its imaginative and practical solutions to problems (examples include using the pepper pot on Willy Whale to make him sneeze a helpful jet of water from his blowhole, and fixing the minecart ride with a hammer and by adding a brakeshoe, to avoid going off the rails). Embedded advertisements for then-new Codemasters releases and references to Jeff Capes keep this firmly embedded in its time, and grant an endearing air of non-professionalism that is completely absent from the perfect programming.
There are a few annoying aspects to gameplay in the form of jumps that can only be made from a very specific point, vital items that can be mistaken for scenery or accidental landings right in front of a deadly crab with no time to escape, but it’s a game I would return to repeatedly to enjoy playing again, despite knowing all the answers and knowing how much of my day it would consume. Some of the classic Dizzy games were made available to download at the Theo’s Grotto website at www.yolkfolk.com, but it looks like they’ve been taken down now due to copyright issues, though the lower quality fan games should still be available. Just find somewhere else to download them illegally instead, or failing that buy an old Amiga from eBay. What a machine!
Advantages: Entertaining puzzle solving fun for all ages.
Disadvantages: Lack of save option adds to the frustration.
Ruler Ovum Magicland, Leader of Albu-Men
Written on 15.11.07
****
The sixth Dizzy game is a bit of an oddball in the series, the final to be produced in the original budget format before ‘Fantastic Dizzy’ launched a larger, more complex and more expensive style and aimed it at game consoles. Based on exactly the same format as the previous year’s ‘Magicland Dizzy,’ right down to recycling the graphics and some of the ideas, ‘Prince of the Yolkfolk’ primarily acts as a parting gift to fans before the franchise spirals out of control and inevitably falls through its over-ambition.
A great deal of thought was evidently put into this game’s production to make it as appealing as possible to the fans, and it’s easy to assume that much of its design, in particular its layout, was sculpted according to positive feedback and criticism of its predecessors. At the same time there’s really nothing new here that hasn’t been seen time and again in the Dizzy series: items must be picked up, carried around and exchanged or applied to solve problems, and the landscape is littered with dangers in the form of animals, monsters, spikes and water to impede Dizzy’s progress towards rescuing his girlfriend Daisy, who has once again been captured and imprisoned in a tower (this is really getting old now). The Yolkfolk all return with their amusingly stereotypical mannerisms, from hippie Dylan to senile Grand-Dizzy, and as with ‘Magicland’ there are numerous friendly characters to interact with along the way, which keeps the game from feeling lonely and isolated as its immediate precursor ‘Spellbound Dizzy’ tended to.
The most significant change for this game, and the example most cited, is its much smaller size in terms of screens progressing left and right (and occasionally, up and down when steps or cliffs are involved). This seems to have been a deliberate decision to avoid the tedium of wasting shoe leather (or whatever Dizzy’s bright red boots are made from) wandering from one end of the game to the other and most likely dying in the process, as even the furthest extremes of the two opposing castles are easily navigated by jumping through the clouds or taking the more dangerous route along the ground. With this smaller size comes a corresponding shorter lifespan, as this is the Dizzy game it takes the shortest time to complete – this was perhaps part of the reason it was initially released only as a part of a compilation, before receiving the usual budget release from Codemasters some time later. That’s not to say it’s any less enjoyable, and the time that’s saved walking from one area to the next across a dull and repetitive landscape does indeed make for a more entertaining and less annoying playing experience.
It’s easy to see this game as a direct sequel to ‘Magicland,’ and although the direct similarities are at first a little disappointing, this at least ensures that it benefits from the other’s high quality look and design (though personally I prefer the earlier game). The music is chirpy and somehow manages to sound original even this far into the series, and to save on costs and disk space there are once again no sound effects, for the last time ever. The designers are real veterans now and create a more natural, less static landscape that trumps the dull, square maps of the earlier releases and makes strolling through the wilderness areas a real pleasure rather than a chore, and the limited animations given to enemy sprites and interactive characters add a nice cartoon feel to the whole thing, particularly with the delighted, dancing Grim Reaper figure who remains eternally pleased for the lump of gold you provide him with for his services. In this way, ‘Prince of the Yolkfolk’ is perhaps the most advanced and perfected Dizzy game, but that would be to ignore the successes and styles of the older precursors to which it is entirely in debt.
The Dizzy games were the classics of the platform adventure genre, and the opening of this game provides the most elementary crash course in how to go about it. Dizzy is trapped in an underground dungeon behind a locked door, with only a pile of dry leaves, a match and a jug of cold water lying around, all of which can conveniently be picked up and inserted into the noble egg’s three inventory slots. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that these initial objects should be placed in front of the door in the order of leaves, match, water to burn it down and then afford safe passage, but what may seem patronising to veterans works as the perfect training course for newcomers and younger players – that’s right, this game isn’t only for immature twenty-two year-olds with a nostalgia issue. The game is difficult to complete, as are all Dizzy games, but the deaths suffered feel more fair than some of the shock traps of the earlier games, and a degree of patience will see the players through on perhaps their fifth or six attempt (this is a complete guess, and it obviously depends on how much is accomplished each time, and how often the player decides it’s worth risking a casual, rather than strategic jump onto the fast-moving boat – it never is).
‘Dizzy: Prince of the Yolkfolk’ is both a disappointing re-tread of ‘Magicland Dizzy’ and a superior update based on critical and personal feedback, but its position at the end of the line before the series was revamped makes it seem a little superfluous. It’s almost certainly the best Dizzy game for newcomers, with its more logical puzzle solutions, smaller size and reduction of annoying elements, but at the same time it doesn’t really offer anything new to those who have completed the similarly themed ‘Fantasy World Dizzy’ and ‘Magicland Dizzy’ of previous years, so it’s a bit of a shame that a new genre or setting wasn’t played around with, as has been the case with some of the others. The low-tech version (pictured on Dooyoo) has been replicated by the Dizzy fan site at http://www.yolkfolk.com/site/games.php?game_id=70 and is available to download for free, while more attractive and colourful versions were originally released for the Amiga, Atari and Spectrum, amongst other systems.
Advantages: The game Dizzy fans had been waiting for?
Disadvantages: Too similar to 'Magicland Dizzy' to really stand out.
Out to Lunch
Written on 20.09.07
**
The first hints of the successful licensed franchise that the Oliver Twins’ anthropomorphic egg Dizzy would never become came with ‘Fast Food,’ released at the end of 1987. Essentially a quick, cheap and fairly unimpressive PacMan clone designed for a budget sale, the game was completely redesigned several years later to take advantage of the Amiga and Spectrum’s superior abilities, for inclusion on the ‘Dizzy Collection’ compilation of all the early Dizzy games.
Despite the revised moniker (in the style of ‘Star Wars: A New Hope’), this game is completely unrelated to Codemasters’ primary series of Dizzy games, which were excellent and thoughtfully crafted puzzle adventure games released between 1986 and 1992. More of a sentimental tie-in for creators the Oliver Twins, ‘Fast Food’ stars the title character of that series, an egg with a face, boxing glove hands and red boots, and situates him in the role of PacMan. The box art attempts to provide some sort of storyline for this scenario: presumably, the mad chef has noticed that Dizzy is an egg, and is determined to go to great lengths to catch him so he can cook him and feed him to people, rather than going down the street to buy six or more eggs from the corner shop, which would be too convoluted. Perhaps he’s noticed Dizzy’s unusual size and seen it as a long-lasting solution for this egg detritus he seems to keep experiencing? Or is there something about the way Dizzy is running away, wearing clothes and having a face that has awakened the entrepreneur within the chef, and made him realise the potential of exhibiting The Amazing Panting Egg Man in a travelling circus along with the rest of the food around him that he doesn’t seem to notice all has faces anyway? As with most early arcade style games such as this, the plot is irrelevant and merely distracts from the simple enjoyment of the silly game if you try to make any sense of it.
Much like PacMan (well alright, pretty much exactly like PacMan), ‘Fast Food’ involves guiding Dizzy around the angular corridors of a maze, picking up all of the collectable objects and avoiding the monsters. The main difference is that the food Dizzy has to collect is – can you guess from the title? – always in motion, and has to be chased down. Unlike PacMan there is a limited quantity of food, rather than the abundance of pills on every available section of that other game’s mazes, and numerous items can be collected to aid or impede Dizzy’s progress. As I am only familiar with the updated 16-bit version released on the Dizzy collection, rather than the more primitive original release, I should note that the later version expanded the maze to cover more than one screen, as many versions of PacMan do, allowing for greater freedom as well as a greater challenge. The improved graphical abilities of this later version also allow the artists to render a number of different settings, depending on the difficulty level chosen by the player: easy mode is a literal hedge maze, complete with some nice wooden footpaths, bridges and water features, and the monsters evolve from mere squashy face things in the original version to full-bodied colourful ghoulies. Don’t ask me why Dizzy has to chase down and catch the food at such risk to his own eggy life, I have no idea. Just enjoy the game for the brief life span it offers.
The controls of ‘Fast Food’ will be immediately obvious to anyone who has ever played an arcade or home computer game before. Moving the joystick up, down, left or right moves Dizzy in those directions, and like PacMan his direction can only be changed once he hits a wall. The game’s music is the usual lazy and irritating jingly theme of the era, and the whole thing apparently took the Oliver Twins and their cohorts all of two weeks from start to finish. I would never have recommended that people buy this even on its original release, as more traditional PacMan clones are much better and the poorly contrived Dizzy interest is nothing more than a cheap promotional tool: according to Wikipedia, the game was originally designed to publicise Happy Eater restaurants (remember them?), before deals presumably fell flat once the chain realised how mediocre and pointless the game would be. It’s an acceptable addition to Dizzy compilations merely for completeness’ sake, and because several Dizzy games could easily fit onto an Amiga floppy disk, but it’s nothing to write home about. Certainly nothing to write a review about twenty years later; that would be truly stupid.
Advantages: Several minutes of unadulterated arcade fun.
Disadvantages: Boxed away for eternity thereafter.
Scramble!
Written on 27.09.07
***
1990 was the busiest year for Dizzy and the Yolkfolk, as Codemasters released two of the finest games in the puzzle adventure series while the Oliver Twins, Dizzy’s original creators who handed its responsibilities over to Codemasters’ own programmers, instead opted to concentrate on a small-scale Dizzy spin-off in the same league as the earlier ‘Fast Food.’ Except much different, as Fast Food was a load of rubbish.
While still based on a top-down maze format, ‘Kwik Snax’ moves on from simple PacMan clone to something more original, inventive and satisfyingly taxing, a memorable puzzle game in the tradition of many great computer puzzle games of the time (including a particularly popular concept that was used by numerous different titles, including ‘Dozer’ and ‘Shove It: The Warehouse Game’) based on the movement of blocks. This time there’s a proper concept and motive for Dizzy to be taking part in the action, illustrated in the 16-bit version of the game with a very nice introduction sequence, as the evil wizard Zaks has once again magicked Dizzy’s friends and family into a strange realm, which Dizzy has to go and sort out because he’s the world’s most heroic egg or whatever.
Like that year’s “proper” Dizzy game ‘Magicland Dizzy,’ each of the Yolkfolk’s governing personality traits has determined their fate; thus the cool Denzil is trapped in an ice world (Dizzy games would continue to use this weak joke in every game released through the series’ remaining lifespan), hippie Dylan is tripping out with some evil flowers, and senile old Grand Dizzy is in a literal cloud-cuckoo land. As usual, Dizzy’s apparent girlfriend Daisy has been awarded the most difficult and hellish area in Zaks’ own palace, either because Zaks knows Dizzy must come to save her or perhaps simply because she has no personality to exploit, being a cheerleader. The player can choose between each of these four levels that increase gradually in difficulty.
‘Kwik Snax’ is an enjoyable game, and was a nice extra feature of Codemasters’ first ‘Dizzy Collection’ released shortly after, snugly fitting onto a floppy disk alongside the inferior ‘Fast Food’ and the great ‘Magicland Dizzy.’ The presence of authentic characters and a genuine puzzle format makes this much more of a true Dizzy game than its rubbish predecessor ever was, and the enhanced graphics of the 16-bit version look really good, the aerial view of Dizzy’s disgruntled features being an amusing sight as he pushes the blocks along. Each stage is very compact and self-contained, but it can be incredibly hard trying to navigate: like PacMan, there are gaps in the maze at the edges of the screen that form a continuous loop, as Dizzy will appear from the bottom of the screen if he exits at the top, and so on. This is also true for the blocks that Dizzy can push, in stacks of one or more depending on how many blocks lie adjacent to each other, and the several scattered enemies that move randomly through available sections of the maze.
Using cunning, the player is expected to manipulate the moveable blocks of scenery to their advantage in freeing up new avenues of exploration and trapping enemies in a corner, their ultimate goal being to reach their eggy comrade in the centre of the screen. I make it sound quite complicated, but it’s actually a lot harder, even though the player is granted a number of health points signified by hearts in each level. Although ‘Kwik Snax’ is, by design, quite a short-lived game, it’s still very commendable for a budget release. The graphics are nice and simple, the music changes with each level and is never too annoying, the title screen in particular featuring a memorable farty bass melody. Similarly, the controls are very easy to understand, being based purely on movements up, down, left and right. It’s quite unlike any other puzzle game I’ve played, so it would be interesting to see an updated or rip-off version released on a free gaming website somewhere, though knowing me I’ll stick to the dusty old Amiga 1200 and its dodgy blue disks. By the way, I have no idea what the game’s name means, other than a badly spelled variation on ‘Fast Food.’
Advantages: A unique and entertaining budget puzzle game.
Disadvantages: Limited in scope, repetitive and extremely hard.
Dr. Sega's Shameless Sell-Through Cartridge
Written on 14.01.06
*
An example of franchise licensing gone mad and pointless, Dr. Robotnik’s Mean Bean Machine coats a boring puzzle game in a completely unnecessary Sonic the Hedgehog background. There are two possible reasons for its existence: either the creator of this tedious Tetris-style game impressed Sega so much that they added the Sonic frills to help it sell, or Sega were desperate to squeeze as much money as they could out of kids who already owned Sonic games 1, 2 and 3 and the similarly arbitrary Sonic Spinball, and were awaiting the not-so-long-awaited Sonic and Knuckles, and made this up on the spot. Either way, Dr. Robotnik’s Mean Bean Machine is not a game that was ever worth noticing, let alone writing a review on thirteen years later.
DRMBM (which I pronounce dr’m-b’m) was produced by Sega, although like Sonic Spinball not by the talented Sonic Team themselves, for both Sega and Nintendo systems. This decision to sell out part of a popular franchise to their biggest rivals is amusing in the 21st century, as all Sonic games are now produced solely for Nintendo’s GameCube and GameBoy systems. Despite Dooyoo’s categorisation, this game was never released for the Amiga: the site categorises all old game systems under this title, with photos of each respective console determining which is which.
There is a get-out clause that avoids Nintendo having too great a victory, in that the principal characters Sonic and Tails don’t feature at all, and the source for Sonic’s enemy Dr. Robotnik and his ‘badnik’ robot creations is the cartoon series of the time, ‘Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog.’ (You can tell this by Robotnik’s goofy rather than menacing appearance, and the presence of his henchmen created for the cartoon). If anything, this only makes it less appealing as a double cash-in of the original games.
The important thing to realise about DRMBM then, especially for Sonic fans, is that its relation to the other Sonic games is purely by its title, crude animated opening sequence and the look of a couple of robots. That’s it. It’s unclear exactly who the player controls, there may be an unstated hope that this lack of information could lead players into thinking they were controlling Sonic, but it’s some benevolent force trying to beat robots of increasing difficulty.
So your parents have bought the game you wanted, and you insert the cartridge, eager to indulge in another high-speed hedgehog adventure.
The opening sequence does the expected job of attempting to craft a link between the game that is about to start and the reason for the ‘Robotnik’ in the title. Also as expected, it does a very bad job. The Doctor’s first line is: “Witness my evil dream to rid Mobius of music and fun forever!” and it only gets worse from there. Robotnik explains his plan to his bumbling henchmen Grounder and Scratch, flawed chicken robots and travesties of the original game’s enemy designs, and the plan is this: Robotnik’s Mean Bean Machine will turn ‘the fun-loving jolly beans of Beanville’ into robot slaves... but there are so many of them, Robotnik’s badniks are going to have to collect them.
The game screen is split into two equal areas: the player’s on the left, and the opponent’s on the right, whether this is a second player or the computer. Like Tetris, objects (the jolly beans of Beanville) fall slowly from above and have to be arranged so that similar colours go together and disappear (are saved). The opponent is presumably doing the same thing, but their contrived scenario is that grouping colours ‘captures’ the jolly beans. Of Beanville, remember.
It’s all a little unclear and stupid, but leaving the story aside, which isn’t hard to do as it actually plays no part in the game, there is only very limited appeal here. The lack of addictiveness is surprising, considering it’s based on Tetris (I hate you Tetris, you life-stealer), but the controls are so awkward that it becomes frustrating very easily. Leaving the title screen running, a demo begins which is helpful in explaining the few things the player needs to know:
The A, B and C buttons on the MegaDrive pad (that’s red, yellow and blue on Super Nintendo) rotate the jolly beans of Beanville clockwise as they fall. The jolly beans of Beanville are different shapes and arranged in either twos or threes, and gravity acts on any jolly beans of Beanville that are left poking out to the side once they have settled. Pressing down on the pad speeds their descent, as with most games like this.
Progress is made by grouping four or more jolly beans of Beanville, which at least means the player has to use their head a little when arranging them, and the level ends when the jolly beans of Beanville reach the top of one of the screens – game over if it’s yours, or continuation if you’ve beaten the opponent. There is one final addition in the form of ‘refugee beans’ (I’m not making all of this up, honestly) which look like rocks and can’t be destroyed / saved by themselves, and can only be taken away when caught in the removal of surrounding coloured jolly beans. The refugee beans are sent to a player when their opponent does something clever, like remove two sets of coloured jolly beans in one move by using gravity and their brain, and if you’re playing against an adept player, these can stack up quickly and lead to a fasts defeat.
As well as an exercise mode that allows players to practice by themselves, taking as long as they like to get used to the controls and the gameplay without being rushed by a second player, the game is split into ‘scenario mode’ and ‘1p vs. 2p mode.’ The latter is obviously the most enjoyable, and perhaps the only reason to dig this game out for repeated plays, but if a player doesn’t have any friends or siblings, or wants to pretend that they’re playing a real Sonic game with a storyline, they can opt for scenario mode and face badniks in a sequence that starts off quite hard and only gets harder. This mode rewards players with passwords each time they complete a stage, and these simple four symbol codes can be entered whenever the game is loaded.
A final note on the graphics and sound, which aren’t memorable or impressive but serve their purpose. The music isn’t very fitting for a Sonic game, reminding the player that this isn’t one, as it’s less melodic and simplistic, but as it isn’t essential to gameplay, early 90s children could listen to their Right Said Fred or MC Hammer albums or whatever else they had. The sound effects aren’t much better, as even a two-player game against the computer makes no distinction in either volume or tone between the player’s actions and those of their opponent, so sometimes it becomes a flurry of annoying beeps and boops. The characters aren’t required to do much in the way of animation, and probably the most active sequence is Robotnik’s madman jumps in the opening sequence, which are animated in about five basic, slow-paced frames. The beans all look identical apart from their colours, with two eyes staring out of the television screen at the player to elicit sympathy, but as these are the only thing that need to be concentrated on, there’s no real problem here.
‘Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog’ was a poor cartoon that had very little to do with the worlds crafted in the original games (which was continued excellently by Nigel Kitching of the UK’s long-running Sonic the Comic), and as such this is a fairly fitting if ridiculous game adaptation. The story is stupid and patronising, and the game itself pales in comparison to its influences. Every Sonic the Hedgehog collection is complete without it.
Advantages: May be the only two-player game you have
Disadvantages: Tedious, limited and disappointing
E
The Ren & Stimpy Generation
Written on 09.07.05
****
In the early 90s, exaggerated animated graphics and jokes about snot and bottoms were all that was needed for a successful television or 16-bit video game franchise aimed at the kids. But while the 'Ren & Stimpy' game was frustrating and pointless, and 'Boogerman' was undoubtedly the most unsuccessful attempt at combining toilet humour and platform game to date, 'Earthworm Jim' was a highly entertaining and pleasantly bizarre production that went on to spawn an acceptable cartoon series and some disappointing sequels.
PREMISE
Jim is a worm whose encounter with a bulky space suit led him to pursue adventures in outer space, or something. I don’t know, the cartoon tried explaining it, but all pre-3D games should be allowed a license for accepting what you see without wondering exactly why a worm wants to fly around shooting things and killing a huge termite queen. There are eight different areas to play through, which are different and entertaining enough to justify multiple replays.
Predominantly a platform game, the player controls Jim, or more specifically his super-suit, through a limited number of actions. Running, jumping and shooting enemies are handled pretty much identically to other games, although the suit can also use Jim as a fleshy whip to destroy enemies without using up any of that semi-valuable ammo, or to swing on hooks between platforms. The division of suit and limbless worm control is one of the best features of the game, and Jim is left naked for the player on a few occasions where his ability to jump, crouch and wiggle slowly to the left or right proves how dependent the minibeast community is on radioactive suits falling from space for their use.
STAGES
'NEW JUNK CITY' is a standard platform level to introduce the game, and it works very well. From the secrets such as the toilet Jim can flush himself down to the end of the level and such odd actions as launching a cow by dropping a fridge on a see-saw (which triggers the on-screen message 'Cow Launched' in case the player missed that), this is fun if a little silly and over the top. For example, the end boss armpit-farts and burps constantly, which is a little unnecessary but was lapped up by the 90s kids. Not literally.
The 'ANDY ASTEROIDS' are played between each different planet, and this is essentially a long tunnel (or wormhole or something, I don't know) in which Jim must avoid rocks and reach the end before his nemesis Psycrow. If he fails, a reasonably hard fight will ensue.
'WHAT THE HECK?' features some of the best music of the game, a synthesised rendition of Mussorgsky's 'Night on a Bare Mountain' that switches to a tranquil flute piece, as well as a jolly piano ditty for the Snowman battle, but the level itself is fairly unremarkable. The hellish scenery works well, as do the stereotypical enemies, but the puzzles are a little repetitive and irritating.
'DOWN THE TUBES' and 'TUBE RACE' are my least enjoyable levels, simply because they are so fiddly and frustrating. The platform sections set in an underwater complex inexplicably run by a goldfish, populated by cats and prison to giant cat-eating hamsters are quite fun, but manoeuvring between sections in a fragile glass pod is nowhere near as enjoyable.
'SNOT A PROBLEM' is an interesting level in that it's a competitive bungee duel between Jim and Major Mucus, a large bogie with a face. Three rounds that get progressively harder.
'LEVEL FIVE,' the imaginatively titled fifth stage, is expansive and hard, the scientific laboratory of Professor Monkey-for-a-Head. 'WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS?' is an enjoyable sub-level for those that are interested, and not afraid of the dark, while the mechanical flying chicken thing (I don't know) is a truly fearsome boss.
'FOR PETE'S SAKE' will be the favourite level of those that liked early 90s Comic Relief video game 'Sleepwalker.' Jim must whip and shoot an ignorant purple puppy over and under obstacles and dog-eating plants, lest he release his drooling, worm-eating Mr Hyde side. Satisfying when eventually completed.
'BUTTVILLE' is the final level, and suitably difficult and frustrating. Not as interesting as what has come before, but that is mainly due to the purple and black colour scheme getting a little drab. There is a fun Jim-head-as-a-helicopter opening though.
VERDICT
Earthworm Jim was a successful and fairly high-budget game at the time, featured on 'Gamesmaster' and other long-dead video game programmes, and the effort that went into its graphics, sound and diversity of gameplay is obvious. There is enough substance here to keep players interested for a long time, despite the similarity of many stages: the hook-swinging thing becomes especially tiring after being necessary in five of the seven stages.
A little over the top in the toilet humour sometimes maybe, but that was oddly popular at the time with children and those adults who, despite their age, still watched the shows and made computer games. The Sega MegaDrive version featured an additional level before Buttville, 'Intestinal Distress,' but this was by far the least interesting of the lot and was omitted from the Super Nintendo version, allowing for (for once) a superior version in terms of graphics to be released on that console. Adding a purple lens flare to a level may not seem like much now, but at a time when graphic artists struggled to find a balance between bogies and "hilarious" animals such as cows (ha ha, cows. I get it. Draw another cow on the last level, the kids will love it), such genuine advances were a real godsend.
'Jim' is an outdated game but still has appeal, I wouldn't be surprised if a revised version is brought out for a modern console, ala 'Alfred Chicken,' 'Toejam and Earl' or anything unoriginal released on the Xbox ever. May cause disorder of the digestive system.
Exodus: Journey to the Promised Land
Written on 01.04.08 [Not actually written for dooyoo, for money, but instead posted irrelevantly to my paranormal group's website between sincere articles about ghosts and aliens as a cliquey April Fool's "joke." It would probably be slightly better if the sceenshots had survived.]
Introduction
The Book of Exodus is one of the most well-known of all the Old Testament stories, and its tale of Moses leading the Israelites to their freedom is one that continues to enthral audiences everywhere.
There have been many attempts to re-tell this classic story in modern times, most famously in 1956's The Ten Commandments and more recently Disnep's Moses: Prince of Egypt or whatever it was called, but none have succeeded to the extent of this distressingly unknown 1993 video game from Wisdom Tree, Inc., published independently and without fanfare for the then-contemporary Sega MegaDrive/Genesis console. It is very literally a Biblical feast.
Definitively titled Exodus: Journey to the Promised Land, for indeed it is as definitive a version as we're likely to get in our lifetimes, the game combines the classic Bible story with a Dig Dug/Boulderdash style game format and an educational Sunday School attitude, in an unparalleled attempt to bridge those three distinct worlds.
With Exodus, learning the Bible becomes a truly entertaining multimedia experience for "children" of all ages, regardless of religious orientation or any other prejudice. It merely requires that the player has the use of their two hands in order to manipulate the joypad controls (coincidentally consistent with God's disdain for amputees), and some rudimentary grasp of the English language. And an outmoded Sega MegaDrive/Genesis console.
Translation
The player is, naturally, cast in the role of Moses, whom Bible readers will recognise by his blue cloak and staff, and white beard and Patrick Stewart style side tufts of hair on either side of his bald head. For those newcomers who may be playing the game without having read the story before, for whom the relevance of the blue cloak will thus not be immediately apparent, the menu screen informs them that the character is Moses by featuring the character's sprite adjacent to the word "Moses." (They have done this because that's who it is).
The introductory menu then proceeds to explain the identity of the other game sprites, adapted from the generic Boulderdash engine but bearing uncanny similarity to the events of the Exodus story itself. It is tempting to speculate that these sprites were originally conceived with the Biblical context in mind, especially pertinent for the elements that were originally nothing more than bits of sort of rock and stuff that needed to be shifted in order to clear a path, but are now much more appropriately restructured as the "Murmurings of God" and "Doubting God" obstacles requiring Moses' "word" (i.e. W-shaped blasts that spring forth from his staff) in order to be thwarted.
The extent of metaphor in this game is extraordinary and has clearly been given an enormous degree of thought. It is perhaps this overt literariness that has deterred casual players and caused Exodus to remain something of a cult title through the years (not that I am suggesting Christianity is a cult). To reimaginate boulders as breakable "Obstacles to Faith" and provide its logical conclusion with the indestructible "Limitations of Man," the programmers inject an element of pathos not usually found in less intelligently conceived Dig Dug/Bomberman variants.
Foes
One of the issues that may deter religious parents from purchasing this for their children could be the implication of violence (not otherwise found in the morally-infallible Old Testament) as Moses shoots at Pharaoh's Magicians, pink-skinned Taskmasters and Soldiers, resulting in these characters exploding in a flash of light. Of course, being devoted Christians, these parents will then naturally inspect the matter with their usual logical scrutiny and see that, in fact, these characters are being blessed by the "Word of God" (or, if Moses gets a power-up, the more devastating "Authority of God" - nice!) and are renouncing their decision to attack him. Due to the limitations of the format, the only manner in which this process is achievable is to see the enemies vanishing in an explosion of light, but they aren't dead probably.
Gameplay
It is Dig Dug/Boulderdash.
Bible Questions
In a standard video game, the player may rejoice once the level is cleared and objective achieved, but things are not permitted to be that simple here, as Exodus turns momentary triumph into initial disappointment followed by humility and finally excitement as another challenge presents itself.
It is, of course, not enough to be able to clear an area of enemies and Murmurings of God/soil, as any heathen monkey could do that. The real test comes in proving one's Exodus knowledge in a series of five questions at the end of each level, based on the events of the narrative. Correct answers are rewarded with Bibles in a fascinatingly anachronistic turn of events (surely Moses would not possess a completed Bible while the story was still in progress, yet the programmers' achievements elsewhere make me confident that this was a deliberate mistake to test the faith of doubtful players, the same way God put pretend dinosaur bones in the ground to fool scientists into thinking the world was loads older than it is, with extra God magic applied to fool carbon dating equipment).
As you can see from the image, in this instance I only got four of five questions correct which currently places me in the legion of the damned, but I am confident that, as there are only so many Exodus-based questions that a 16-bit cartridge can contain, repeated plays will allow me to learn the answers off by heart through process of elimination, and my soul will be saved (sort of like when Jeffrey Dahmer the Milwaukee Cannibal became Catholic and repented his sins at the last minute prior to execution, and was allowed into heaven with the other good people, provided they didn't forget to apologise at the last minute as well. It is a fair and wise system).
As a further reward, the player is then presented with a technicolour illustration of a relevant Exodus scene, in this case one from near the beginning of the story. I'm guessing that later levels end with an illustration of the next stage in the story, but I wouldn't know really. I got a bit bored at this point, to be honest.
F
Cry of the Planet
Written on 10.08.04
*****
Released by Squaresoft in 1996 to overwhelming critical acclaim, Final Fantasy VII (FF7) rapidly became the biggest selling game on Sony’ PlayStation console, and remained in the number one spot as most popular game in consumer surveys right up to the replacement of that console with the PS2. It’s easy to see why FF7 was so popular as, despite some of its graphical limitations and gameplay flaws, it remains unbeaten as the most engrossing and atmospheric console RPG (role-playing game) without having to introduce difficult elements that make some PC equivalents less attractive to the average gamer.
BACKGROUND
Like all good RPGs, the player controls a character who becomes more powerful and able as he becomes more experienced. In FF7, that character is Cloud (the default name and the one which I will use, although there are options to re-name every character as they are introduced). Cloud begins the game with a very brief and mysterious backstory: he used to work for the oppressive mega-corporation Shinra as one of their elite soldiers, but is now working as a mercenary for whoever pays him highest. As we join Cloud, he has joined the rebellious underground movement ‘Avalanche’ in helping them destroy one of Shinra’s pollutive reactors in the capital city of Midgar.
The plot undergoes a number of shifts as locations and motives change, but it is essentially Cloud’s story. As the game progresses, the character’s real background is explored and contradicted, but thankfully his comrades from Avalanche, his childhood and the new places the group travel through help Cloud in his dual quests to discover the truth about himself, and to stop the real threat – the evil Sephiroth – before the planet is doomed.
Characters (don’t worry, I’ll be brief):
Cloud – ex-Soldier and childhood friend of Tifa, Cloud has strange gaps in his memory that can only be sorted out by pursuing his enemy Sephiroth.
Barret – a dead ringer for Mr T (and the guys that write his dialogue seem to realise this), Barret’s missing arm has been replaced with a large weapon. Dedicated to his daughter and the destruction of Shinra, whose pollution is destroying the planet.
Tifa – huge-breasted young woman who also believes in Avalanche’s cause, but who becomes more concerned for Cloud’s sanity and protection.
Aeris – the last of the Ancients, Aeris’ telepathic powers make her a target for Shinra’s experiments. She escapes captivity with Cloud and the others, but her abilities make her the most hunted of them all.
Red XIII – a speaking dog-like animal who hails from Cosmo Canyon (his grandfather is a floating fat man with no legs, so draw your own conclusions). Red XIII, as he is classed by Shinra, has an impressive grasp of fire magic.
Cid Highwind – potty-mouthed, grumpy old man who was never allowed into space by Shinra. Cid comes into the story much later on, but he is dedicated to the overthrow of the corporation and is also an expert pilot.
Cait Sith – pretty silly and not to be trusted, this is a stuffed animal that is remotely controlled by a Shinra operative.
Vincent & Yuffie – these characters are not vital to the story, but can be sought out if desired.
Sephiroth – the deranged menace who is intent on summoning a meteor to destroy the planet.
GAMEPLAY
This game was designed primarily for the PlayStation console and as such utilises all of the joypad buttons in an incredibly user-friendly manner (it is also available on the PC, but is doubtless more difficult to control on that secondary format). Although the player controls Cloud’s movements, there will always be two other characters in your party to fight and explore alongside you, unless the story requires otherwise. The gameplay is split into several different styles, all of which are quite different but manage to integrate seamlessly together:
The Playing Field – the most common form of gameplay that involves moving Cloud (and the other members of your party) around pre-rendered screens within an environment. Entry and exit points to other screens can always be seen, while there are always factors to interact with – items that can be picked up, people that can be talked to, parts of the environment that can be manipulated and enemies that can sneak up on you.
Battle – there are areas of the game where battles will always take place and areas devoid of battles, but most of the time there are random attacks every so often as the player moves around the areas. In the battles the characters cannot be moved (although you can often escape), and the turn-based actions are selected through menus. Needless to say, this being a fantasy game there are a combination of physical and magical attacks that work in varying degrees of effectiveness, but items can also be used to bring back lost players or attack the enemies.
The World Map – once the game is in full swing, there is a level of non-linear decision making that involves traversing the map of the world – a fairly abstract presentation that shouldn’t be taken literally, especially as Cloud is displayed as large as a city, but the freedom and lack of time constraint involved here makes this one of the most enjoyable parts of the game. There are fights everywhere which can be annoying if you’re simply passing between locations, or very useful if you’re hanging around in forested areas with the intention of gaining more fighting experience or other benefits of battles such as finding items. Once different modes of transport (air, land and sea) are discovered, these travel over the same map and are controlled in the same way.
Dialogue – within the playing field there are characters who can be talked to, either automatically or by choice, and responses or new questions can be put forward by selecting from a short list.
Mini-games – rare events, but there are several places in the game where the playing style goes out of the window and Cloud is placed in a completely different situation, mostly for some light relief from the storyline. Chocobo Racing, motorbike chases, submarine attacks and snowboarding all play minor roles in the game but can be replayed in the ‘Gold Saucer’ area, which is basically a large and quite annoying amusement park on the world map.
STYLE, GRAPHICS & SOUND
This game can literally be enjoyed by people of all ages, assuming it is the sort of thing that interests them. Children enjoy the fighting, ‘levelling-up’ and bright colours, more mature people may enjoy the mysterious and ever-changing storyline as well as the ecological and spiritual issues explored, while confused adolescents may enjoy Tifa’s very large and very pixellated bosom. I didn’t though, even if you think you have photos, it will have just been a trick of the light.
The graphics clearly show the Japanese origin of the game through the Manga style of the characters and locations, and although the three-dimensional graphics and characters are quite basic (this was the first Final Fantasy game to be 3D) this doesn’t spoil the enjoyment of the game at all. The backdrops are all rendered beautifully and create a believable and intriguing world, and although this is a contender for most overly colourful game ever made, the enemies and locations do tend to stick to the themes of the setting so as not to seem over-the-top. Amidst other settings there is the usual mix of industrialised city, forest, desert, snow, sea, rocks and strange abstract lifestream environment.
One of the game's graphical strengths comes in the full motion video cut-scenes which permeate the action every so often. Featuring much more life-like presentations of the characters and their surroundings, these make for some long-lasting imagery and provide the extra drama that would be sadly missing if the same events were carried out by the awkward polgons of the characters during gameplay.
The sound effects on the game are fairly bland and unimpressive, but the score by Nobuo Uematsu is one of the definite highlights: using only a limited number of synthesised instruments, Uematsu’s score gives the game and its locations a much clearer identity and, although the music is probably nothing special when listened to separately, it takes me right back to my first play through the game when I was seriously engrossed.
PLAYABILITY
This is where the game is faulted: on my first play through I found the game appropriately challenging as I learned how to get to grips with the magic and other factors, eventually getting so excited when I defeated the final boss on my first attempt that I phoned my friend who had already done it and told him. He wasn’t as bothered, unsurprisingly. The problem is that the game doesn’t offer many alternatives on future play-throughs: there are always more items to find that may have been missed, and a couple of nice touches that can slightly alter the storyline temporarily (having a date with Barret as opposed to Aeris or Tifa is something I’ve only heard about and have never been able to put into practice), but the events are always the same.
It’s not the similarity that’s really the problem, as this game is so engrossing that a replay is always required, but once the player has become completely accustomed to the controls and knows what works best in every situation – something they will have definitely achieved by the time their first game is over – then subsequent replays lack any real challenge whatsoever. Enemies are too weak and die far too soon, and aside from a couple of non-vital enemies that can be fought by choice if you feel the need to prove your own greatness (I buried them), there is a distinct lack of anything challenging. The later FF games sorted this out perfectly, but unfortunately lacked the other qualities that made this game so enjoyable.
VERDICT
This game is getting on a bit now (when did I grow old?) [He's 18], but its popularity means that it can easily be found either second-hand from eBay and video game retailers, or occasionally brand new and for a much lower price than it would have originally held. Being a PlayStation game it will also work on PS2 consoles so there’s no need to dig out the old machine or buy one from a young cousin for ten quid and some pornography, and I would recommend this game to anyone who enjoys a large-scale video game adventure. The graphics don’t present a problem, and even the lack of difficulty won’t matter on the first play through (it took me so long to get used to the ‘Materia,’ no matter how many tedious lectures I sat through).
I’m not a big fan of video games in general, especially those released post-Sega Megadrive, but FF7 captured my then-fourteen year old imagination. I completed it in two weeks (only stopping for school and some very minimal sleeping), and then spent a stupidly long time fighting the non-vital bosses and seeking out all the elusive materia. Long live obsessiveness.
FF7 was the turning point in the console RPG and the one on which every subsequent RPG has been based, aside from the more complex PC games which involve a lot more thinking and a basic grasp of Dungeons & Dragons rules. This is easy to play and, although it will effectively waste many, many hours of your life, an incredible eco-cyberpunk-fantasy-mythological-adventure-fighter-discovery romp. The best.
Advantages: Original and groundbreaking, Long-lasting and replayable, Excellent soundtrack and storyline
Disadvantages: Far easier than it should be, Some areas become tedious, Character graphics are a little too basic
Is it a Bird? Is it a Spaceship? No, it's Some Bloke.
Written on 24.05.07
***
My seemingly endless trawl through the obsolete Sega MegaDrive archive this week highlights ‘Forgotten Worlds,’ a game that may, indeed, have become forgotten in the nineteen years since it first hit arcades partly due to its uselessly misleading title. Rather than being one of those early role-playing ‘Lord of the Rings’ style games that were quite good, if a little unoriginal, it is instead a scrolling shoot-em-up set in a post-nuclear ‘The Terminator’ style world in which the player’s goal is to blast the hell out of everything. Again, not the most original concept, but still something of an arcade niche in 1988.
Published by Capcom, ‘Forgotten Worlds’ has much in common with the ‘R-type’ shoot-em-up, replacing the standard spaceship with a meataxe Aryan marine dressed in blue, with shades (or if you’re playing in two player mode, a black marine dressed in red, with shades). These characters hover in a crouched position through the level by means that are probably explained in the original game manual, though perhaps not; suspension of disbelief is pretty much required in these 80s arcade games, and a swarm of enemy craft make sure to zip onto the screen before too much time is allowed to dwell on such things.
The object of the game is essentially to shoot everything you can as the screen scrolls along to the right, pausing only when confronted with a ridiculously oversized boss at the end of each stage. As well as the floods of hostile spaceships, robots and monsters, the game features many obstacles of terrain that have to be navigated carefully. The game makes some effort to differentiate itself through featuring a human character rather than the traditional spaceship, meaning that touching walls does not mean instant death, and that the bottom of the level is indeed the ground of some post-apocalyptic city, from which convenient shops can spring. As usual in games of this type, money can be collected from destroying enemies, and this can be used to upgrade weaponry and defences in the store, which become more elaborate and destructive as the game progresses. The ability to buy back the player’s health makes the playing experience less frustrating and terrifying than something like ‘Zero Wing,’ where one touch by an enemy laser would cause instant death.
The most notable idea incorporated into the game is the ability to shoot in a complete circle, 360 degrees around the character, although the game continues to scroll to the right and this is where most of the enemies originate. This handily eliminates the blind spot when a group of ships snakes its way back and forth along the screen, but also takes a degree of practice to master. Helpful in the initial stages, this technique proves vital in later levels, and on the static screens of the end-of-stage bosses. It’s not too difficult to master, but it does become something of a burden having to return to the ‘base’ forwards position after pretty much every wave of enemies.
Ported to the Sega MegaDrive, the arcade controls are adapted to the three-button joypad, with the directional buttons logically moving the character up, down, left or right along the scrolling playing field, while the B button shoots. The A and C buttons rotate the marine clockwise and anti-clockwise respectively, spinning rapidly if the button is held down or simply nudged a little in each direction if tapped. The options screen offers the helpful ability of ‘autofire,’ which eliminates the need to press the B button by making the buzzing stream of friendly fire constant, and all but necessitates muting the television to avoid being driven insane by the relentless uninventive sound effect of the guns.
The sound effects are all practical and unambiguous, as would be hoped and expected, and the in-game music is typical arcade fare: a weakly synthesised techno bass rhythm overlaid by a jarring dramatic score of beeps that strives to be an electric guitar on occasion, but fails to compare to something like ‘Golden Axe.’ Even the main title theme is nothing to write home about, which always disappoints me in games of this type which have the potential to sound really good. The graphics are similarly standard, and evidently not an area in which the producers decided to be innovative; the players and enemies look vastly different, largely the result of the typical multi-coloured format, and while it’s nice that a little attention has been paid to the background, it amounts to little more than a skyline and starfield so as not to distract the player. The walls and boundaries make themselves very obvious, and it’s impossible to miss the flashing laser bullets approaching from all angles.
‘Forgotten Worlds’ is far from being one in a million. It’s probably more like one in five or so, in that it’s pretty much exactly the same as a ton of other games, but is able to grab the passing arcade customer’s attention with its fancy rotating gun technique, and super-short demo clips that show the two players working cooperatively with some seriously impressive firepower that the player can’t seriously hope to acquire for some considerable time. Like all of these games, it becomes repetitive and tedious after a very short time, and the incentive of beating the game or racking up the highest score is clearly far more suited to its original free-standing environment than a home console cartridge, but this game still manages to remain more memorable than most other R-types, mainly for featuring a half-naked, flying, beefy Duke Nukem guy rather than just another spaceship. You know, just because it’s different and stuff. There’s nothing funny about me.
Advantages: Quick to start, and a lot of fun for two players, with handy shop system.
Disadvantages: Not much different from the other R-types, and inferior to the genre leaders.
The F-Word [Unexplained League of Gentlemen reference. Not so much having unreasonable faith in my audience's reference points as not caring or trying to cultivate an audience]
Written on 24.08.06
**
One of the most fondly remembered arcade classics along with the likes of ‘PacMan,’ Konami’s ‘Frogger’ is a brightly coloured, strangely rewarding and immensely frustrating video game in which the player guides five frogs across treacherous obstacles to reach their homes across the river.
As with all early games, there have been countless variants published in varying degrees of legitimacy over the game’s twenty-five-year life, but Konami’s original still remains the definitive version. This original was released for the Sega Mega Drive in 1998 at a fitting budget price, and was the last game released for that extinct system.
The premise of Frogger is incredibly simple to grasp: on starting the game, the player is presented with a plan view of the game area, with a bright green-and-yellow frog at the very bottom and five square openings visible at the top. All the player can do, and all the player has to do, is to get the frog into one of these openings, and repeat four times with the new, identical frogs that appear afterwards. Only one frog can inhabit each ‘home,’ and the fast moving platforms often make it difficult to reach the left-most homes. Once all five frogs are safely taken home, a little musical jingle will play and the game proceeds to the next level, with harder, faster obstacles. The game screen is split into two halves throughout the game: the bottom half, which needs to be traversed first, is a busy road with five lanes, on which various forms of automobile and bicycle head left and right at dangerous speed. The second, after a tiny safe gap, is a river that the frog will drown in if not carried safely across on the system of logs and turtles, avoiding alligators and being careful to abandon turtles quickly if they begin to submerge.
The player can move the frog up, down, left and right on the screen, with whichever control system is at hand; joystick, joypad or keyboard. The original sticky joystick of the arcade is by far the most satisfying, allowing the player to really feel the frog’s movements and perhaps, for one fleeting moment, even believe that what they’re seeing is real. Before snapping out of it and narrowly missing a truck. The frog moves very rapidly, and it may take some time for players to fully grasp the ‘feel’ of the frog. As everything is based on very simplistic programming, there are no real surprises to be found in the game.
The appearance of evil and benevolent forces can’t be predicted, and there are plenty of times when even a hardened Frogger veteran will squeal in panic as the log they had been banking on arriving from off-screen turns out to have sharp teeth. Similarly, tasty flies and fatal spiders occasionally materialise in the frog homes for a brief period, calling for some more quick thinking by the player. For the most part, it’s technically easy to traverse the road and the river, but the busier and more dangerous they get, the harder the game becomes. The programmers deliver a final blow by giving the player allotted time with each frog, displayed in a green bar at the bottom of the screen, before it croaks. This makes the game incredibly frustrating at times when the player’s waiting around for openings and such. The player begins the game with six lives, and extra lives can be earned by amassing points, displayed at the top of the screen.
It’s clear that much of the acclaim Frogger receives is due only to its age, but the game can become addictive like all good arcade classics, depending on the player’s ability. The graphics and sound are obviously incredibly dated, only adding to the game’s charm (I believe an up-to-date 3D version was released on the PlayStation a few years ago. I really don’t get that). The colours are bright and completely unrealistic, with purple pavements, red-shelled turtles and fluorescent traffic, but all the shapes are very clearly defined. The frog itself looks fantastic in its simplicity, never varying its stance even as it hops all over the screen. There are a couple of instances of animated sprites, apart from all the movement obviously, as the alligators open and shut their mouths and the turtles splash down into the river and then reappear.
The music is perhaps the most irritating aspect of the game, but fortunately it’s only used very sparingly. An annoyingly pitched jingle plays after each level is complete, which really doesn’t strike me as gratitude for the player getting all those little frogs home. The sound effects are better, the frog itself making a peculiar “boing” sound effect that sounds strangely like a human voice, and appropriate splat and splash effects for the player’s death. Near-misses with traffic are greeted with a car horn, which is a very nice touch. The majority of the game is silent, save for all the boings, allowing the player to concentrate on the important task at hand. How those frogs got so far from home in the first place without your help baffles, unless this is some kind of ‘Animals of Farthing Wood’ style journey to a new home. Perhaps I’m looking too much into it.
Frogger’s legacy may not match that of its arcade rival PacMan, but this is entirely justified as the latter is so much better. A late episode of Seinfeld, once the show entered its downward spiralling surreal phase, based a part of its plot on the game, and featured the game itself (the episode was called ‘The Frogger.’) This isn’t a game I’d urge anyone to rush out and buy, even less encourage anyone to feed in the arcade tokens, but it’s an enjoyable, pointless reminder of a simpler time for video games. The people of old didn’t need customisable characters, realistic graphics and convoluted plots. All they needed was a joystick, a frog and an endlessly repetitive and unrewarding playing field, and that was so much better.
What am I talking about? This game’s rubbish.
Advantages: Original premise, suitably difficult.
Disadvantages: Terrible music, limited appeal.
Look Upward and Share the Wonders I've Seen [Unexplained Farscape reference]
Written on 31.05.05
****
The sequel to the best-selling space trade and combat simulator ‘Elite,’ voted best game of the 80s on the BBC Micro and early Amigas, Frontier surpasses its predecessor in every way. And a good job too, considering it was five years in the making.
David Braben’s epic and mind-numbingly vast game puts you in the pilot seat of your own space craft, docked in one of several selectable locations throughout the Milky Way galaxy. And that’s it. From the start, the choice of gameplay is yours: will you lead the quiet life, trading between star systems to afford those upgrades and larger, faster ships? Or will you do some illegal mining and blast the cops out of the sky?
GAMEPLAY
This game was released over 10 years ago on floppy disc. The graphics aren’t incredible, and the presentation is simplistic. But if high quality graphics are your criteria for a great game, feel the power of beam laser. Frontier is immense, involving and addictive, as well as fairly realistic – once you get past the noisy lasers in space and the same three faces recycled between all the people you meet.
Frontier is still available as Shareware for the PC from eliteclub.co.uk, at the cost of £5. I still play my old Amiga version, which is pretty much identical and runs efficiently from the hard drive. The controls take some time to pick up, and manoeuvres such as combat and docking take a long time to master, but the keyboard keys and mouse selections are straightforward to use and learn. An important feature of the game is that time can be manipulated: essential when travelling to a distant location within a solar system, and for pausing battles because Farscape’s just come on.
After naming your character, a feature that is only needed for the gravestone on the Game Over screen, the choice really is yours. Piloting can be done manually if you think you’re good enough (you aren’t), or everything can be left to the autopilot. Assuming you can afford one, and keep it in good nick.
GRAPHICS
Frontier exists in a universe of simplistic three-dimensional polygons, where space is blue and a ‘Detail: High’ option still leaves everything looking like that badly-thought-out eighties film ‘The Last Starfighter.’ This means that everything is smooth and fits onto a single floppy disc, as well as showing just how much people will pay nowadays for fussiness over graphics. Frontier is still beautiful and comprehensible, but the player does suffer occasionally through not being shown distant objects clearly. The graphical style is far more entrenched in the glitzy futuristic world of Arthur C. Clarke and ‘Star Trek’ (a world of white, angular space stations with blinking lights) than the run-down industrial universe of ‘Star Wars’ or ‘Alien.’
MUSIC
Continuing with the ‘2001’ influence, David Lowe and Aidan Bell (composer of Rocky Horror’s ‘Time Warp’) synthesised a number of classical compositions of various moods to suit different events in gameplay, while also composing the excellent opening theme. The effect of these simplistic MIDI renditions is enjoyable, but nowhere near as powerful as more detailed recreations would have been, but this is again due to the age of the game. Notable scores include Grieg’s ‘Hall of the Mountain King’ from Peer Gynt, Mussorgsky’s ‘Night on a Bare Mountain,’ Wagner’s ‘Ride of the Valkyries’ and, of course, Strauss’ ‘Blue Danube Waltz’ when docking with a space station. No ‘Also Sprach Zarathustra’ here.
The ten or so musical pieces can be switched on an off, depending on the preference of the listener, and can be alternated between ‘event’ and ‘continuous,’ if you can really stand the chirpy computer music playing throughout this very, very long game. Braben includes a ‘no music’ option for those who prefer to blast some Vangelis from their stereo while playing.
VERDICT
Frontier is a game for grown-ups and geeks, that is uncontested. No cool, together person would spend their free time worrying about hydrogen fuel and looking forward to a time when they can afford three passenger cabins. But Frontier is a great game for geeks, and is truly rewarding and engrossing as gameplay progresses and you find yourself drawn into Braben’s twenty-second century.
The game isn’t without its problems though. Ignoring the occasional glitches and major errors (a famous example being that the game’s calculations for vast distances on the Amiga version resulted in it giving up at the outer edges of the galaxy, so a single tonne of fuel could take you all the way to the opposite edge of the Milky Way), the similarity between locations, vessels, planets and character faces does detract from the credibility. Character voices and more freedom of movement – exploring space stations and actually seeing your character move away from the cockpit – would be a more complex game, and a very different game. But it’s disappointments like this, facts about the game that have dismayed players since it was first released, that prevent this from achieving five stars.
Hawking would be proud. I bet he’s been playing this for years as a real badass.
Advantages: Engrossing and addictive, Memorable style and music, Open-ended with no annoying storyloine or cut-scenes
Disadvantages: Difficult to get into, Simplistic graphics and sound
G
Taste the Power of My Sword [Manowar reference]
Written on 01.10.05
****
In the golden age of video game arcades, scrolling beat-em-ups loosely based on Masters of the Universe archetypes and Tolkienian fantasy lands earned companies like Konami millions from impressionable eighties youths' pocket money. Perhaps the lord of all these ridiculously similar semi-violent offerings was Sega's 'Golden Axe,' flawlessly converted to home computer format for Commodore's Amiga 600.
PREMISE
Golden Axe is the story of three heroes, seeking out the evil knight Death Adder for revenge and plunder. One or two players rely on the characters' brute strength, fighting tactics, magic powers and helpful monster transport as they charge through Death Adder's evil, endlessly repeated minions in search for his castle.
Players can choose which of the three heroes suits their playing style and/or aesthetic preference. The characters are:
Ax-Battler: sword-wielding barbarian warrior in tight blue underwear
Tyrus Flare: busty valkyrie fighter, very sexy (if you are a bit strange)
Gilius Thunderhead: armed with the Golden Axe, this diminutive dwarf can execute deadly sweep attacks
Each character is master of elemental magic, obtained and improved by collecting potions looted from thieves. Most basic attack moves are as effective with all characters, meaning the difference between characters is more down to imagination than having any effect on the difficulty of the game, but crazily there was a time when details like that didn't really matter and people would pump in the arcade tokens.
GAMEPLAY
The Amiga joystick controls the characters' movements, the customary 'up/forward' action making the character jump and the fire triggers controlling physical attacks. The only additional, non-joystick commands are the keyboard's 'Enter' and 'P' keys, unleashing magic and pausing the game respectively. Player 2 can be controlled by a joystick in the second port or, if you are enjoy an impossible challenge or are mad, the mouse can be used. The Amiga game came on one purple-labelled floppy disc and operated on the Amiga 500, 500+, 600, 1200 and 4000 desktop machines.
Presented as a sideways-scrolling, two-dimensional fighting adventure game, players move from left to right across varying terrain. Gameplay is centred on the area the characters inhabit, and progress can only be made once all the enemies of that screen have been destroyed, indicated by a klaxon and flashing arrow labelled 'Go.'
Although there are occasional platforms and raised or lowered areas that players can choose between, the primary movements are left and right across the screen and up or down the 'depth' of the terrain to run around enemies. Novel aspects of the game include riding on wild, magical beats and using their natural fighting abilities in addition to your own, and striking the light-footed thieves to obtain food (health) and extra magic. Aside from these features, this plays as an average scrolling beat-em-up in the style of 'Streets of Rage' and Komani's 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' offerings.
GRAPHICS & SOUND
This looks every bit the colourful 16-bit arcade game, each level roughly based on a different colour scheme in terms of the landscape and enemy characters but the brightness of the main characters and their magic attacks going more for a cartoon-like feel than the attempts at realistic shading in the sequels. Each character's face is something of a shadowy blur due to the limited pixels, but the anatomy and size of the enemies in proportion is fairly accurate, excluding the occasional pint-sized runaway villager. Despite the repetition, enemies range from warriors of different types to clobbering giants, sinister skeletons and dragon riders. The text, used only sparingly and mainly in the interludes, is written clearly and precisely in what appears to be a blocky size 8 font.
A side of the game that deserves to be mentioned is the excellent soundtrack: synthesised at low quality, the melodies nevertheless manage to sound memorable, catchy and entirely relevant. As someone who owns the soundtrack on CD I may be taking this nostalgia thing a little too far, but the quasi-epic background music alternates between two excellent compositions, repeating over and over after lasting for somewhere in the region of one and a half minutes but never growing old. Of course other tracks are less impressive and border on frustratingly piercing, especially when high notes are attempted.
The in-game effects aren't so impressive, play dominated by weapon swipes and the thuds of falling bodies but occasionally broken through with a badly recorded dying yelp. Basic sound effects are necessary for the enjoyment of a game like this, and Golden Axe performs adequately.
LONGEVITY
Golden Axe has passed the test of time, remaining as fun and addictive as it presumably was in 1989. Limitations of the time and format, such as the tiny playable area and repetition of the same four or five enemies in different coloured shirts throughout, now seem forgivably cute and nostalgic, not to mention the fact that this game can be obtained second-hand for next to no money at all from eBay or private sellers, or emulated for free.
The recent obsession with nostalgia on consoles such as Microsoft's XBox makes a contemporary Golden Axe release plausible and even a little inevitable (seeing as they released 'Gauntlet'), but a jazzy three-dimensional version would steal none of the original game's charm. There's also no way it would be anywhere near as enjoyable.
A relic from a time when video games were just as expensive but simplistically addictive, and when men with huge torsos could be drawn in bright thongs and labelled 'barbarians,' Golden Axe is just as fun and frustrating for people of all ages today.
And axe-wielding dwarf Gilius Thunderhead is clearly best.
I
Ideas for future games
O Brave New World That Has Such 3-D Interactive Roleplaying Adventures in It
Written on 07.01.06
What a great category. And an interesting one for me to consider, as I've found my interest in video games steadily decreasing with every new year. Some may see this as a natural sign of my growth from infantile childhood to 20-year-old attempted childhood, and they're probably right. As well as the fact that I don't have any money. But I feel disillusioned - in the early 1990s, when video game console fever was arguably at its height, Carol Vorderman assured us that virtual reality was going to be the next big thing, right before that faded away and more realistic three-dimensional versions of the same games began production.
Wouldn't that be fantastic? Admittedly, the demonstration I remember being shown was just a common kitchen, reproduced perfectly and absolutely indistinguishable from the real thing apart from the fact that there were no colours and everything was made of sharp-edged polygons, but if the necessary funding and effort had been put into that, kids everywhere could plug in their VR headsets and experience a real kitchen, all coloured in and everything and with perhaps some pixellated food they could pretend to eat, before being called by their mothers to come downstairs to the real kitchen and stop playing that stupid, pointless kitchen game.
Of course, there will have to be parental guidance and strict monitoring of the programs being used. Every significant leap in technology inevitably gets tangled up in sex, and it wouldn't take long for multimedia pornographic companies like Playboy, Private and Bazooka (I think I'm making them up now. But probably not) to get involved. Which is great, as long as it's all legal. And as long as it doesn't all run on Windows. Ha ha, brilliant.
Star Trek never showed that. Deep Space Nine came close, with its passing reference to "Vulcan Love Slave," evidently a popular choice for patrons of the holosuite, while a post-watershed timeslot saw Red Dwarf admitting that open-ended artificial reality trips are desirable almost entirely for their erogenous potential:
"That groinal attachment's supposed to have a lifetime guarantee, you've worn it out in nearly three weeks."
Roleplayers would clearly benefit the most. Skimming over the hilarious 1980s William Shatner-esque jokes about the opportunity for them to see a nude woman for once, in the digitised flesh, roleplaying games would take the final jump into virtual perfection, a far cry from the text-based MUD games roleplaying fans used to have to settle for.
I can't really think of a game genre that wouldn't translate effectively to this new style, although some existing attempts to make two-dimensional arcade classics like PacMan into three-dimensional format haven't impressed me very much, and assuming this purely visual medium evolves into a tangible experience, much like - let's face it, exactly like Star Trek's holodeck, regular players of video games will get to exercise more than just their thumbs.
Flight simulators, war games, shoot-em-ups, cartoon platform adventures, it'd all be a lot of fun. Difficulty settings would become of even greater importance, based on the player's fitness and tiredness, and the pornography industry would hit the jackpot.
There is, however, one thing that worries me with this otherwise flawless plan. Not the fact that such technology is clearly either a long way off or simply destined never to see the light of day (at least in a wholly successful and convincing form), and not even that it will likely cause even greater monopolies for evil soulless companies. And not even that players will become so engrossed that they develop forms of holodiction and an inability to return to the "real world."
I'm worried about morons who will set about recreating the real world in all its mundane glory, not change a thing, and con people into paying extortionate amounts of money to walk down a computer-generated replica of their own street. Open your eyes people!
Looking back, what was so wrong with 'Pong' anyway?
Clunk Click Every Trip [Ruined retro reference]
Written on 09.06.07
**
If you grew up in the early nineties, you may remember repetitive advertisements for ‘The Incredible Crash Dummies,’ a line of action figures that combined child car safety awareness with a limited, sub-Transformers range of toys. The inevitable video game concept was produced in 1993 by the disconcertingly obscure Gray Matter Productions, noted as ‘a division of Chris Gray Enterprises,’ that world-renowned tycoon. Despite lacking a reputable producer, the game works reasonably well and was successfully ported to the Amiga 1200 and Sega MegaDrive among other systems, but a game based on a mediocre and short-lived toy franchise was never really going to take off.
As always, there’s a ridiculous plot tagged on that really does nothing but attempt to provide a purpose to a game that the player was going to play anyway, without dwelling too much on the larger consequences of moving a dismantleable man across various terrains, picking up tools and jumping on peoples’ heads. The story is explained in a very basic storyboard animation that follows the title screen, in which Dr. Zub, presumably creator of the Crash Dummies and a Crash Dummy himself, reveals that your arch nemesis Junkman intends to learn the secrets of his powerful Torso-9000 body known only to the doctor, and produce an army of evil Crash Dummies. As he is explaining this to our red and black heroes, he is predictably kidnapped and the dismantled protagonists interchange an extremely long list of weak gags in jovial ignorance to the serious consequences of the events around them, featuring such highlights as ‘going to pieces,’ ‘pull yourself together,’ ‘I lost my head there for a second’ and ‘need a hand?’
Of course, the best thing about novelty games like these is how they bring something original to the over-saturated platform game genre, and in the case of ‘Incredible Crash Dummies,’ this a memorable and really enjoyable attempt to authentically fuse the toys with the game. Primarily, this means that Slick, the playable Crash Dummy with a red star on his torso, has detachable limbs that become lost when he incurs damage. Getting hit once will cause him to lose his foremost leg and getting hit twice will lose the other leg, reducing him to a legless (in the literal sense) crawler. After the legs comes the arms, and two hits later on his final health point, Slick is nothing more than a wiggling torso with a head and holes where his limbs should be. It’s a lot of fun, and subject to a weird error also, as the arm or leg that is destroyed first will always be the one in the foreground, no matter which direction Slick is facing. Presumably through laziness of the artist simply flipping the image, the missing arm or leg will always swap on every turn.
Thankfully, collecting an orange screwdriver will fix the last limb that became damaged, while grey spanners can be thrown at enemies as missiles. Other power-ups are less exciting and more run-of-the-mill, such as the nuclear symbols which can be collected simply for points (and who cares about that?), or the yellow lightning strike symbols which increase Slick’s speed for a limited duration. Stealing an idea from ‘Super Mario World,’ the character can be inflated like a balloon from collecting an ‘A’ token, allowing him to reach areas that were previously too high. As well as the abundance of evil Crash Dummies and mechanical menaces such as mini aeroplanes, the game is replete with danger in the form of spikes and pits, usually presented as electricity, and an incredibly tedious set of moving platforms that prove more frustrating than in any other game using the idea.
The game is for one player only, without any options whatsoever, and uses the Sega MegaDrive joypad. Left and right predictably move Slick in those directions, the up button doesn’t do an awful lot, and the down allows him to duck – or rather, dismantle temporarily into a heap on the ground. The joypad B button throws spanners if the player has them, and C is the all-important jump action that can clear and avoid obstacles, and also assault hostile Crash Dummies and things. As with most games, the enemies repeat endlessly but still fail to be completely predictable in their deployment, either standing stationary or bouncing on the spot and thus being easy to mark and avoid, or otherwise zooming on from the left or right of the screen on ground level or in the air. It’s fast moving, and in the earliest stages it’s possible to pretty much bounce your way through from left to right of the course without too much of a problem, but all subsequent levels are multi-staged, requiring Slick to climb and be patient in many instances, also featuring a less generous smattering of screwdrivers. The yellow and black hazard symbol marks the end of each stage, and merely has to be stepped (or rolled) on for Slick to be launched.
The most generous comment I can make about this game is that its unique system for character disintegration keeps it memorable fourteen years later, but beyond that there’s little to keep players hooked on this game after the first four or so levels, when the novelty starts to wear off, everything new has been done, and the frustration of those moving platforms overtakes the simple enjoyment that would previously be had each time Slick falls into the electricity and becomes shorter. It’s a little strange that a spin-off like this wouldn’t, in fact, include cars of any kind, but at least it’s better than unrecognisable adaptations such as the video game version of ‘Baby’s Day Out.’
This game will potentially induce children to become masochists, as I have to admit charging ahead in a more reckless manner than I would on other games just to get to the dangerous yet amusing position of a wriggling bean shaped Crash Dummy with no limbs, forcing himself along the metal floor by thrusting his head forwards. Come to think of it, isn’t the whole idea of a line of action figures that encourages kids to crash them apart violently somewhat risqué? I guess that’s part of the reason you don’t hear too much about ‘The Incredible Crash Dummies’ these days.
Advantages: It's enjoyable to see those limbs go flying off everywhere.
Disadvantages: Repetitive and incredibly tedious.
Beware of THEM! [Unexplained Misfits reference]
Written on 31.05.07
*
I expected more from a game packaged in a box featuring a B-movie style screaming woman getting terrified by an enormous ant. Despite the intriguing title, 'It Came From the Desert' isn't a comedy game, combining a basic and tediously difficult survival game with a not-so-subtle anti-nuclear message that's likely all inspired by the B-classic 'Them!' The player must track down the cause of the mutations as the most evil and destructive creature of them all: a giant ant! I mean humankind, responsible for these mutations in the first place, obviously. But there is a giant ant too. It's also, sadly, one of those games where the opening animation ends up being far superior to the game that follows, and only in this instance for being painted in particularly pleasing shades of red.
The playing screen is simple to understand, and the player is thrown into the action immediately. The joypad controls the two dimensional movements (alright, so jumping is technically a third dimension if you're going to be pedantic) of a man viewed from above who we later learn is called Buzz, donning a flamethrower, some grenades and a rucksack, and essentially dressed in far more layers than could be comfortable in this generic desert environment. The extent of the playing field is relatively small, as the action primarily moves upwards, but further ground can be accessed by moving a little to the left or right of the default screen. Besides picking up the occasional power-ups that can be salvaged from the ground, such as vital replacement grenades, the object of the game is to make it from the bottom of the level to the top of the level, avoiding the rolling sand trails and burning any pesky oversized green bugs that get in Buzz's way. At the end of each level is a character who Buzz will chat with automatically, revealing the intricate details of the poor excuse for a plot.
The problems with 'ICFTD' are twofold; firstly, it's an overused and very limited idea, and secondly it's fairly impossible to complete each individual area without multiple re-tries. This seems to be a trend with desert-based survival games of the era, and was perfected elsewhere in the great public domain release 'Egyptian Run,' produced independently by some Australian guy for the Amiga on what must have been a fraction of the cost, and to a far greater degree of white knuckle entertainment and hilarious frustration. In 'ICFTD' there's no enjoyment to be found in the anger, as the player is given enough breathing and thinking time as each level begins to deceive them into a false sense of entertainment, before the impassable barrier trails across and the game is inevitably over.
In an attempt to add value, the game box offers a cooperative two player option that sounds at first like a promising way to pass the terrain more quickly and effectively. Unfortunately, it's only two player in the 'Ms. PacMan' sense, with each player taking it in turns to control the same green-coated and green-bandana-wearing character in exactly the same situation. Seriously, how difficult would it have been to just change the colour of the clothes from green to red, or give one player dark skin or blonde hair? Suffice to say, there are several thousand better two player experiences out there, and it's no further incentive to buy this game. Slightly annoyingly, the turn-taking method doesn't even eliminate the need for a second MegaDrive controller as it does with some games, still requiring a second pad plugged into Port 2, or for more desperate players to switch ports with their existing, very well-worn pad on which the writing is no longer legible.
So what can be salvaged from this game, almost twenty years later? Often there's something memorable in the graphics or sound department, but not so here aside from the nice 'blood red sky' mentioned earlier, that even has attention drawn to it in the scrolling story exposition text that comes after. The desert sand is pretty boring, and even when desert roads or the streets of Lovelock usurp it, it all looks very dull, flat and square, lacking the jaunty angles of the many similar games that followed a diagonal isometric plan. The first time I played the game on mute, I anticipated that the opening animation, with its bouncing rabbit, plummeting bird, wide vista and cataclysmic nuclear mushroom cloud would offer something interesting, but instead it's overlaid with nothing more than a simple bass rhythm that evokes none of the necessary emotions. I know this is cheap 16-bit video game music I'm talking about, and indeed I may never learn how futile this all is, but it could have been so much better. The title screen is a little more interesting as a melodic range is added over the top, and even the in-game music (which even I don't expect to be anything special. I'm not that mad) is quite good, with appropriate burny and bangy sound effects, though lacking a boingy or deadey one.
It's cute that programmer Matthew Harmon and co-designer and artist Jon Gwyn attempted to craft a serious story around this game, one that only becomes relevant in the brief pauses between levels. This was clearly something of a pet project for them, however pleased they may have been with their finished product, but despite claiming 'Quality Assurance' by one Mario Escamilla and an extensive list of 'Special Thanks' in the credits, 'It Came From the Desert' can only claim to be memorable due to its cool title (but one that I can't help feeling should be 'It Came From Beneath the Desert,' which would still technically work) and box art of a woman being afraid of a giant bug. Still an all-too-common occurrence in twenty-first century life, though normal sized rather than gigantic ones, obviously.
Advantages: Great box art and B-movie vibe, as well as some attempt at constructing a plot.
Disadvantages: Far too tedious and difficult to be rewarding.
J
How the Cyborg Fish Saved Christmas
Written on 20.11.05
****
You'd think that a video game franchise based primarily on fishy puns of popular films and dogged with product placement of Penguin chocolate bars would be disappointing at best, but Millennium's entertaining piscine romp combined the best elements of platform games over the previous five years and became of the best-loved games of 1991.
PREMISE
In the first game, James Pond was an aquatic secret agent, working for the intelligence agency FI5H against the evil Dr. Maybe. (Yes, some of the more contrived similarities to Bond are a bit pathetic). In 'Robocod' the parody is less direct and the layout more accessible, Pond's goal now simply being to save a load of penguins from Dr. Maybe at the Arctic Toy Factory. He's, I don't know... turning them into robots or something. The plot didn't seem to matter so much in those golden years.
This sets up a nice surreal environment of oversized toys, board games, desserts and other sweet foodstuffs that never really gets tiresome. It also avoids the very tedious underwater setting of the first game by making Pond able to breathe air. The idea of a 'world map' was developing in platform games at the time, but 'Robocod' promises a little more than it can really offer in this department by allowing the player to select which areas to play, although there are never more than two doors unlocked at a time on the toy factory, a la 'Mickey Mouse in the Castle of Illusion.'
Now codenamed Robocod, Pond has a metal casing on his body, between his huge head and tail (which he now uses as legs, being literally a fish out of water). This doesn't really influence gameplay too much, but Pond's body can extend vertically for as far as the player chooses, being able to grab onto ceilings and platforms along the way, or to land heavily on enemies.
GAMEPLAY
This is primarily a platform game, but one that tries to impress by adding little distractions. The occasional permanently scrolling level means death to the character if the player doesn't keep up with the action, while breaking a large box every so often will produce one of many different vehicles that can aid progress in the level, from mundane items such as toy cars and trains to the really strange flying bath. Robocod's movements are controlled in the usual way, whether using the joystick or joypad: left and right move him in those directions, up causes him to jump and down sees him ducking into his suit.
The enemies are dispatched by jumping on their heads in classic non-violent, simplistic platform game style, while boxes can be knocked to reveal items that either increase the player's health or lives, or simply their score (an increasingly outdated facet of arcade games that still survived but didn't mean too much any more). After every couple of levels, Pond can choose whether to continue to the next stage or face the themed enemy boss: either way, all doors must be unlocked to complete the game and face Dr. Maybe.
There are secret exits and passages in many levels, adding another element of enjoyment that is a credit to the programmers, but the usual way to complete a level is to rescue (read "run into") the penguins you can find until the exit beacon flashes and you can approach it.
GRAPHICS & SOUND
This is an area in which the game both excels and becomes very, very annoying. James Pond 2 is bright and colourful, and when playing on a television as opposed to a monitor, the slight blurring effect really does injure the eyes over time. It all looks quite nice though, and everything is easily discernible in the way that the first game occasionally wasn't.
There is no voice acting in this game, and the sound effects are all very basic, repetitive and unrealistic. The music is the usual cheery 16-bit soundtrack common to all games at the time, but it does sound a little more festive as yet another subtle Christmas theme running through the multi-religion-acceptable game. The compositions do get repetitive, repeating every so often even as play advances to the higher levels that have little else in common with the beginning, and this is a little distracting.
VERDICT
1991 was the year of Sonic: the Hedgehog with attitude, and Robocod's polite rescue of toys so that Christmas can go ahead seemed, in contrast, a little childish. Millennium evidently tried to increase competition by repackaging the case to feature a less cutesy and gormless Robocod, transforming him to an eyebrow-tilting cool character holding a gun. Such weapons are not present in the game, but perhaps it was also necessary to give some controversy to the otherwise family-friendly game. This was the era of gangsta rap after all, it wasn't just the Hedgehog's domain.
Robocod is a pretty hard game, but very addictive and entertaining. If I admit that it has taken me ten years to complete I'd probably be misleading you on its true longevity: rest assured that years passed where I didn't even put the floppy disc into the Amiga, but I finally got round to it. Better than the early Mario games, but not as good as the following year's 'Super Mario World,' Robocod is the peak of the shorter-lived James Pond franchise which ended with the disappointing third game in 1994 and whatever irrelevant spin-offs were brought out in-between.
The Bond and secret agent jokes are hardly present at all, which is good as that's very distracting when foregrounded in the later 'James Pond 3: Operation StarFI5H.' Robocod remains a platform classic and proof that, with the right people for the job, you really can start with just a title.
Wrath of the Caveman Ninja
Written on 09.12.07
**
With the Flintstones having defined the prehistoric cartoon genre, it was inevitable that any children's video game concerning dinosaurs or cavemen would find itself unable to resist essentially ripping it off, and combining the two historically incompatible species. 1991 weirdly saw a boom in stone age video games, a year before the impact of 'Jurassic Park' saw countless dinosaur-themed titles appearing everywhere in its wake, with Derby's Core Design releasing the memorable 'Chuck Rock' for numerous systems, France's Titus Interactive offering the less good 'Prehistorik' for Amiga, and Japan's Data East creating this slightly strange caveman ninja arcade beat-em-up.
'Joe & Mac: Caveman Ninja' shows a few notable signs of its Japanese origins outside of its grammatically awkward title, but like the contemporary 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' cartoon series, its focus is on a more child-friendly, fantastical style of ninjitsu than anything that should be of concern to parents (but you know what those squares are like). The title characters are drawn in a Manga style, complete with inexplicable green and blue hair, and they progress from left to right across a series of very short stages leaping around and dispatching identical enemies with an inexhaustible supply of projectile objects. Whether playing one or two player, the premise is incredibly simple: an opening animation shows three evil Fred Flintstone / Tarzan blokes marching into a wigwam under cloak of night, and departing with three screaming maidens. Launching straight into the opening level, it's obvious that your objective is to rescue these multiple damsels from the evil clones and from dinosaur bosses that don't have a particular vested interest, but decide to hinder your progress anyway. And that can also breathe fire.
The Sega MegaDrive port stays true to the arcade original, and watching the title screen and demos cycle on your TV screen or monitor really feels like being in an old arcade. The graphics are fairly simplistic, completely flat and two-dimensional, brightly coloured and lacking in anything really interesting, but you can mostly discern what the anachronistic burgers and cans you're collecting are supposed to be. The main disappointment is that the enemies are all so similar - when I say similar, I mean that every single enemy caveman has the exact same face on the exact same body in the same clothing, and any novelties such as dinosaur adversaries will soon be followed by their identical friend a few seconds later. Even for 1991 this is all a bit lazy, but as an easily playable piece of nostalgia it doesn't really affect its enjoyment.
Each level scrolls for a disappointingly short time from left to right, and like the early Mario games you can't retrace your steps once a screen is passed. The terrain features occasional interesting deviations allowing for vertical movement, such as floating platforms or stationary dinos, and can be used strategically, as thrown rocks amusingly backfire on the enemies when they roll back towards their shocked, 16-bit faces due to the gravity they had yet to discover. The controls are the usual left and right on the joypad, with the MegaDrive's A button launching into a high, twirling jump, B button throwing whatever object your character currently possesses, and C executing a more modest, small jump. Both characters start out with a basic weapon that kills (i.e. hits enemies with a comic 'thwack!' exclamation and throws them off the screen) most foes in one hit and takes a while to finish off the meaner ones, but more powerful stone and metal items can be picked up from the ground, all of which can be used endlessly in the illogical spirit of 'Gauntlet.'
What sets this apart from other side-scrolling beat-em-ups in the much-imitated 'Streets of Rage'/'Golden Axe' style is firstly that it's about cavemen, but secondly the variety it offers on multiple plays, as players are often presented with a choice of which direction to take after completing a level, allowing for multiple routes and extending its lifespan. As it's essentially a kid's game, it's also quite lenient on the level of difficulty that can be tampered with, the options screen allowing the default lives to be shifted from two to one or three; continues from one to a maximum of four (or zero if you feel lucky, or a need to prove your manliness); while difficulty can be shifted from 'normal' to 'easy' or 'hard' likewise. The options screen also allows players to customise the three joypad buttons however it suits them best, if they're used to a specific style from a different game, and there's a nice sound test featuring all the music and effects that are okay, though Chuck Rock's take on prehistoric ditties was much better.
'Joe & Mac: Cavem(e)n Ninja(s)' wasn't one of the most impressive games of its type, but its fun, cartoon graphics and the presence of dinosaurs were enough to single it out from the competition. It's a little too easy for older players, but they've already been provided with gritty urban violence in the form of the 'Streets of Rage' series, so shouldn't really be playing this. Unless of course, they have a hypothetical desire to upset their younger siblings by scoring repeated victories and knocking them off the score board. They wouldn't even have the sense of humour to make each entry a rude word either, insisting on entering DPW every time to really rub it in - apart from the one time they accidentally entered DPV because of the clumsy joypad controls, and had to knock that abhorrent entry off by playing even more. Hypothetically.
L
DREAMCAST CHEATS! CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?
Written on 15.07.00
*****
Soul Reaver is a very original and spooky game which looks almost as well on Playstation as on Dreamcast. However, this game is not included in the Dreamcast listings, although I have suggested it, so here are cheats for the Dreamcast version. I hope someone finds them here! They need to be entered quickly, so if they don't work at first you may need to keep trying until they do.
R= Right. L= Left. U= Up. D= Down. B= B Button. A= A Button. Y= Y Button. X= X Button.
SHIFT DIMENSIONS AT ANY TIME
To shift from the material plane to the spectral plane at any time and any place you want, press U, U, D, D, R, R, L, B, R, L, D. You still need full energy to cross over.
HEALTH AND MAGIC:
REFILL HEALTH D, B, U, L, U, L.
RAISE HEALTH COIL TO NEXT LEVEL R, A, L, Y, U, D.
RAISE HEALTH COIL TO MAXIMUM R, B, D, U, D, U.
REFILL MAGIC R, R, L, Y, R, D.
RAISE MAGIC TO MAXIMUM Y, R, D, R, U, Y, L.
ABILITIES:
(YOU NORMALLY ONLY GET THESE AFTER DEFEATING BOSSES)
PASS THROUGH BARRIERS D, B, B, L, R, Y, U.
SOUL REAVER ABILITY D, Y, X, R, R, D, D, L, R, D, R.
CRAWLING CRACKED WALLS Y, D, X, R, U, D.
FORCE PROJECTILE L, R, B, L, R, L.
SWIM U, B, D, R, B, L, U.
CONSTRICT D, U, R, R, B, U, U, D.
THE SOUL REAVER:
FORGE SOUL REAVER WITH FIRE D, U, R, U, D, L, B, R, D.
RED REAVER Y, R, D, B, U.
YELLOW REAVER A, R, U, U, Y, L, L, R, U.
RED AND BLACK REAVER A, B, R, Y, L, L, R, U.
SPELLS:
FORCE GLYPH D, L, Y, D, U.
STONE GLYPH D, B, U, L, D, R, R.
SOUND GLYPH R, R, D, B, U, U, D.
WATER GLYPH D, B, U, D, R.
FIRE GLYPH U, U, R, U, Y, X, R.
SUNLIGHT GLYPH L, B, L, R, R, U, U, L.
That's all the cheats I've got, so I hope they come in useful to someone.
[Yeah. There was a lot of this about in the early days, fortunately it was my only one. The cretins who awarded it an aggregate 'Very Useful' rating didn't help. Even though it admits it's not in the right category and is just me getting credit (and money) for copy-pasting cheats from a website rather than bothering to write a review (which would have been a challenge, as we didn't have this game).]
The Fabric of the Universe is Hanging by a Thread
Written on 18.01.08
****
Brian Moriarty's 'Loom' is one of the classic graphic adventure games produced by LucasArts in the early 1990s, bearing many similarities to Ron Gilbert's genre-defining 'Secret of Monkey IslandTM' as well as notable differences that make it unique in the easily repetitive point 'n' click genre. The links with Monkey IslandTM amusingly work in the opposite direction, this less famous title being referenced several times in Gilbert's more successful adventure game in the form of semi-joking adverts and character crossovers, which provide some nice continuity and in-jokes for adventure game fans but always left me a little confused as a child, wondering who exactly Bobbin Threadbare was.
Loom is an interesting fantasy tale spun with the typical comedic twist present in all the best adventure games from the golden era, and the fictional world it weaves is an intriguing and ever-expanding one that players can take delight in inhabiting for a short time. Using the computer mouse, the player controls Bobbin Threadbare, an amateur Weaver from the provincial island of Loom, where the permanently hooded Guild of Weavers tend to the vast and complex loom that seems to hold together the frail fabric of the universe, or "the pattern" as they casually refer to it. Although Bobbin considers his own weaving skills to be all but non-existent, having even been fired from training school, he is placed in the position of unlikely but destined hero and saviour of the universe following a catastrophe that transforms the island Elders into swans and spirits them away.
A good adventure game relies heavily on the strength of its protagonist, a character the player may have to spend an awful lot of time with, and Bobbin is an interesting take on the idea. Still young, naive and sarcastic in the spirit of Monkey IslandTM's Guybrush Threepwood (my childhood hero... who am I kidding, he's still one of my rode models), Bobbin is nevertheless a little dull and lacking in the biting wit usually associated with these characters, but the script remains light-hearted enough, without being distracting or farcical, to avoid becoming a dreary fantasy. The most unique aspect of the game is the control method, which completely forsakes the usual list of verbs to control the character's actions ("Walk to," "Look at," "Push," etc.) and replaces them with a stick, the only item Bobbin will ever need to interact with those elements of the environment that are conveniently highlighted. The staff is accompanied by a musical scale, a full octave ranging from low c to high C, and all of Bobbin's actions consist of spinning these "threads," unique combinations of four notes, to affect the object or character selected on screen.
As this is a linear adventure game with an evolving narrative, Bobbin's skills evolve from an amateur grasp of only the first three notes (c, d and e) and see him achieve further notes as he demonstrates his Weaver powers throughout the game. Obviously, the obstacles that come in his way - from an impassable whirlwind to the eventual tearing in the fabric of the universe - can all be passed with the level of skill Bobbin is assigned at that point in the narrative, always helpfully providing the musical score of their own demise themselves, and inability to cross a certain area inevitably means backtracking to previous screens to see what you've missed. This is where the game suffers to some degree, as there's an uncomfortable mixture of puzzles that are insultingly simple to solve, especially at the very end of the game, and ones that really require guesswork or even the ultimate last resort of waving the mouse madly over every part of the screen looking for highlighted sections, and experimenting with increasingly desperate thread spells on an object that you know aren't going to get you anywhere (we've all been there). Fortunately, almost all of the solutions are logical and can be deduced from a few moments of thought, but this has the unfortunate side-effect of limiting the game severely for more experienced adventure game veterans.
This is where my main issue with the game comes in: it's far too short. It's my own fault for not choosing the 'Expert' option on the title screen, but even in 'Standard' it plods along at a steady, linear pace and only took me half a day to complete. This isn't bragging, as there were several times I felt really stuck and had to waste a lot of time exploring the same areas over and over, but the second half of the game particularly is fairly straightforward and obvious stuff, and lacks the sneakiness of the early sections on Loom island. As some vague examples of gameplay to avoid spoiling the specific instances for anyone who might play, Bobbin learns from observing a bubbling pot that the notes "ddcd" dye wool green, something he is free to apply to any clothes or tapestries that the player comes across in their more desperate moments but that will eventually pay off on a later shore, while a desire to read the inscription carved on a gravestone obscured by the tail feathers of an owl requires a nearby thorn bush to be disturbed to send scurrying a rabbit that said owl can rather brutally claim as his dinner, leaving the gravestone clearly legible. It's a fun game when the puzzles are needlessly contrived like this, but the humour becomes lost later on when the fantasy elements are permitted to take over and Moriarty seems too intent on bringing his story to a close.
The dingy, homely starting locations are always my favourite in these type of games despite the grand and magical multi-coloured lands the characters eventually get to visit (I always much preferred Melee IslandTM to Monkey IslandTM for example), and the graphics do a similarly excellent job rendering the island's limited, dramatic angles in glorious 2-D pixels. The graphics obviously aren't up to the standards of modern games, but are as good as an adventure game ever required, and make for an enjoyable companion to the early Monkey IslandTM titles with similar humans, ghosts and seagulls. There isn't a great degree of variation between the original floppy disk version and the more advanced CD edition beyond the soundtrack, which is less digitised in the latter and features voice actors as well as the original text, though I always eagerly select the muted option on these games.
'Loom' is a classic adventure game with a nice difference that will appeal to anyone who enjoyed Monkey IslandTM, Simon the Sorcerer and Beneath a Steel Sky among others, but it isn't as satisfying or involving as those, finishing too soon and losing some of its charm towards the end. The player is credited with some intelligence by having to work out elementary skills on their own - such as casting a spell backwards to reverse its effect - without the aid of rubbish on-screen dialogue prompts, though these may have been contained in the original manual, but no one reads those anyway. I'm glad I finally played this game after spending most of my life wondering whether it genuinely existed or was just a bizarre LucasArts in-joke, and although it was a little disappointing, it was a great feeling to be absorbed in a scruffily pixellated graphic adventure again, even if it ended up eating away less days of my life than I had hoped for.
Advantages: Interesting concept and some classic adventure game shenanigans.
Disadvantages: Some puzzles are far too easy, and the gameplay becomes repetitive.
M
Losing My Sanity, Again Again [Running gag in review titles, or just a Teletubbies reference for no reason?]
Written on 15.06.07
***
A classic frustrating release from Atari Games Corporation, ‘Marble Madness’ involves guiding a heavy glass marble across a raised course of obstacles and adversaries against the clock. The game is based on an isometric grid, viewing the events diagonally, a format later used by RPGs in the vein of ‘Diablo,’ and games boasting to be three-dimensional, such as the terrible ‘Sonic 3D’ which basically replaced the marble sprite with a hedgehog. Numerous tricky obstacles and enemies with varying degrees of intelligence and randomness attempt to impede your red marble’s innocent progress through the race, which can also be taken head-to-head with a second blue player, but the game generously provides an unlimited supply of lives/marbles, making the valuable seconds wasted on falling into oblivion, shattering from a short fall or being swallowed by weird green slimy slinky things the only concern.
This game is perfectly suited as a time filler between more serious exercises, as game length for the average player won’t exceed a few minutes. Each level is relatively short, though long and convoluted enough that the ‘goal’ won’t be in sight until the marble is almost on top of it, and as expected the difficulty increases between each of the six stages as nastier obstacles are introduced, while the sharpness of right angle U-turns and the gradient of narrow slopes are menacingly increased. The game is based largely on realistic physics, or rather programmer Michael Schwartz’s best attempt to replicate it; the exception being in the fourth level which intentionally inverts the gravity, and proceeds from the lowest point upwards, unlike the other five stages. The momentum certainly feels genuine, as the player very soon becomes accustomed to the implied heaviness of the marble, but there are a few too many inconsistencies to make it truly believable, particularly the way in which the marble smashes when rolled into a relatively narrow drop, but only becomes dazed when catapulted across the screen or bounced. The reproduction of gravity is authentic enough, as the marble rolls on its own momentum along tilted platforms, but this is nothing that contemporary pinball games hadn’t already cracked, especially those by Digital Illusions.
The title screen boasts a number of options to extend the lifespan of the game as far as possible, the most relevant of which is the two-player option. A competitive race, the game plays exactly as it does for one player, but now the ‘camera’ that usually follows player one will centre on whichever marble is in the lead. If the lagging marble ends up so far behind that it’s off the screen, sometimes occurring because the players decide to take different routes, it is simply zapped to a position near the leading marble and given a five second penalty. Each player has their own time limit and score on the top left and right corners of the screen, and the loser is removed from play after their time runs out, leaving the winner to continue the game as normal, making the loser watch in a bored manner. The two player game is more enjoyable than the single player and it’s great that it was incorporated in this competitive manner, rather than a turn-taking process that would be tedious and pointless. It’s not so much fun playing against your very young brother, but when players are evenly matched and confident it can be made as competitive or cooperative as they wish, with lots of swearing.
The original arcade game was based on a unique trackball, but in home versions, the only controls needed for the game are the four directional buttons left, right, up and down of a joypad, or the corresponding movements of a joystick or keyboard. A ‘start’ or fire button equivalent is only needed to get past the title screen and start the game, which requires only that the player move the marble in the eight directions of the compass, making extensive use of diagonal movements (pressing up and right at the same time, for instance). The controls soon become familiar, if frustrating and fiddly as the game intends, and I wouldn’t recommend the alternative ‘grid’ option for movement that can be selected from the title screen, as it requires the player to see through the angled perspective and control the game as if it were presented as a straight-on plan view. Difficulty can be changed between normal, easy and hard, the only difference being in the time granted to finish the first race (after the practice race): the normal game gives 75 seconds, the easy game 80 seconds, and the hard game only 60 seconds. The time limit of additional levels is calculated based on the time remaining at the end of the previous stage, making it a very tricky downward spiral for most players.
As with most games of the time, ability and success are measured primarily in points, the game asking for your name after you break the comparatively easy high score barrier of 14,500. Points are awarded simply for moving across the game screen, jumping up by 10 with each movement, but the biggest scores come from completing levels in impressive time. As all but the most competitive minded, maths-loving player will know, the real sense of satisfaction comes from beating the early levels and reaching previously unseen areas (often for about five seconds before the time runs out and it’s Game Over), and the varying colour schemes and layouts of each level give a strong incentive to see what’s coming next. Each stage, initially, brings new nasties, from the evil black marble that seems intent on bouncing the player into pits, often sacrificing its own life in kamikaze fashion to ensure its success, to the less destructible green slime that slithers its way around the floor, or slinks in a circle looking for marbles to pounce upon. Elsewhere, vacuum cleaners spring to attention without warning and suck down your entrails, vicious right angles make skidding to a halt impossible, and bouncers throw your momentum right off. Pipes, bridges and springs offer a dangerous helping hand.
The graphics themselves are very simplistic, seeming to use no more than 32 shades (this is just an uninformed guess, it could easily be 16) but animating the movements of the bright green enemies remarkably smoothly. It’s always easy to tell the enemies straight away, and although by its very nature the exact composition and angling of the grey floor can be a little harder to spot, it at least avoids the horrible bright colours found elsewhere in the game, especially the offensive turquoise. It seems that graphical limitations prevented the artists from taking a wholly realistic approach, introducing little gags like dizzy stars for a minor fall and a dustpan and brush hastily sweeping away the shattered remains for something more major, and it would have been nice to see something resembling a genuine marble run attempted. Similarly, the lifespan of the game would have been vastly extended if additional levels of the same difficulty were included that could be played instead, rather than the exact same order each time.
‘Marble Madness’ is a fast and fun puzzle game that likely exists in many forms for free on the internet today, so it’s a little strange to imagine paying twenty pounds or more for it in 1991. The artificial gravity and bouncy, rubbery walls make it more of an adrenaline-fuelled survival game than a simple race for no reason (or for points, which equates to no reason when playing on a read-only Sega cartridge that can’t save them), and like most games that offer a two-player option, it adds to the enjoyment. The last and certainly least aspect to cover is the game’s music and sound, fairly unimportant to the gameplay and probably composed by Steve Hayes at the last minute. The only major sound effects are the ‘wheee’ of the marble falling to its death, a sound that is repeated again and again as the levels become more difficult, along with some boings and smashes. The basic synthesised melodies are the usual puzzle game fair: oddly jolly sounding and distracting for the large part, especially in the orange ‘aerial’ level which features a repeated organ strike that’s really off-putting, and perhaps an error (I honestly can’t tell). Even though I almost always play the game on mute outside of this review, I still blame this irritating music for my lack of progress on that particular level. It’s the music’s fault I’m so rubbish.
Advantages: A timelessly fun and frustrating marble run survival game.
Disadvantages: Only lasts a few minutes, and has really annoying music.
Guybrush Threepwood's First Adventure
Written on 24.11.03
*****
At a time when video game equivalents of Dungeons & Dragons style games were incredibly complex and dull, the 'point-n-click' genre leader "The Secret of Monkey Island" provided many eager game players with the opportunity to take part in a swashbuckling adventure.
The player takes on the role of Guybrush Threepwood, a pirate wannabe who isn't really cut out for anything. Guybrush has arrived at the seedy Melee Island with the premise of "seeking his fortune," and provided you stuck with it and weren't put off by the quality of the graphics or the frustration of getting stuck again and again, he eventually found... well, he had an adventure anyway.
The location exteriors and interiors were expertly drawn, really creating the atmosphere of a dingy island at first, before becoming much brighter and tropical for the later stages of the game. If you're interested in what any of it looks like, this was the first useful image gallery I found:
http://www.mobygames.com/game/shots/gameid,616/ [Fourteen-year-old URL actually works! (via redirect)]
The game's style, especially compared to modern day roleplaying games, was very linear in that the player basically had to do everything in order, but this simplicity is part of its appeal. Once within a general location there was room for freedom, but this was the main problem with games of this type. The value for money was incredible however, as I recently played right through it in around 5 hours round my friend's house and I already knew how to do virtually everything. First time round I shamedly had to resort to a hint guide at more than one occasion, but it didn't stop me enjoying the characters and the humour.
That's what was required in lengthy games of the early 1990s, plenty of attempted comedy to keep the player entertained. Monkey Island's excessive use of the tm trademark where unnecessary was only the start of its attempts to keep the entertainment level up, while I can't keep a straight face looking at the shrunken Navigator head when it cracks a cheesy joke and grins.
The game is split into four parts, the first and third being the only ones of considerable length and complexity, titled "The Three Trials," "The Journey," "Under Monkey Island" and "Guybrush Kicks Butt." You play the wisecracking character Guybrush, named due to the original filename of his image on the Amiga's Deluxe Paint program, "guy.brush," through the game where he encounters such fellow characters as his love Elaine Marley, Herman Toothrot, the Men of Low Moral Fiber, Bob the skeleton and the evil Ghost Pirate LeChuck. Guybrush plans to kill LeChuck to rescue Elaine, but it's a bit of a problem as he's already dead. An uncomplicated story line which is very fun to follow, especially as it leads to new locations. The musical score is great and really fits the game, which was produced by Lucasfilm.
Monkey 1 will not have the same ability to entertain the younger players of today, although it may be a title worth considering for the older player. [I was still in school when I wrote this.] I know that if I had an office job with a bit of slack, it'd be one of the games I'd sneak to work to keep myself amused. [Good that I've exceeded my low ambitions.] Simple to pick up and play, but often very difficult; it's also often hard to remember where you were up to if your save game has been left for a while. This was my favourite computer game for years, and was definitely an important milestone in the videogame industry. For the Amiga at least.
The game spawned the sequel "Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge," which followed the same format but was less interesting and atmospheric, and the later PC releases "The Curse of Monkey Island" and "Escape from Monkey Island." I personally finds these high-graphics sequels far less enjoyable as the original style was the perfect way to go. Since the characters actually have voices in these latter two it's also a lot more easy to find Guybrush getting on your nerves, as his accent is more annoying than his previous white text.
Advantages: Inspiring and immovative
Disadvantages: It's very old now, and I'm sure my enjoyment is around 90% nostalgia-based [Not true]
Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge
Revenge of the Zombie Pirate from Hell!
Written on 17.07.06
****
LucasArts’ not-very-long-awaited sequel to the critically acclaimed ‘The Secret of Monkey Island’ is every bit the equal of its predecessor. In fact, it’s practically and technically identical, relying and making very few improvements upon the original’s style. But these were the days of simplistic point-n-click ‘adventure games,’ nothing like the complex RPGs that consume whole months of players’ lives today. Changing the backgrounds, characters and plot was enough to make for a completely different game, and the complexity and enjoyment level were determined by the ability and ingenuity of the writers. Ron Gilbert was the clear leader of the genre.
Monkey Island 2 (excitingly sub-titled ‘Le Chuck’s Revenge!’) is controlled by one player in the customary point-n-click manner. The player controls Guybrush Threepwood, a naïve but sarcastic self-made pirate hero, who can be moved around the static area screens with the control panel at the bottom of the screen set to the automatic ‘Walk to’ command. Guybrush can interact with the environment and other characters by selecting the relevant command from the control panel, including options ‘Talk to,’ ‘Use,’ ‘Give,’ ‘Pick up,’ ‘Push,’ ‘Pull’ and ‘Wear’ among others. Gameplay is fairly vast, and consumes many hours even for experienced players who already know the solutions to the puzzles, and the correct order in which to do them. For newcomers it can take weeks, months or perhaps even years, and for this reason a save game feature is handily included.
Following his heroic defeat of the Ghost Pirate LeChuck, Guybrush Threepwood has been exploring backwater islands of the Caribbean in search of the legendary treasure ‘Big Whoop!’ Unfortunately, he’s somehow wound up on the depressing Scabb Island, where all the native pirates are forced to sit around toasting marshmallows due to an embargo placed on ship traffic by the island’s sleazy, pint-sized governer of sorts, Largo LaGrande. Feeling heroic once more, and accidentally losing all the wealth he’d managed to accrue prior to the game, Guybrush decides it’s his duty to sort out this Largo guy. But things become more terrifying, sinister and sequel-like when it becomes clear that Largo is merely the puppet of the resurrected Zombie Pirate LeChuck, who is also after Big Whoop and wants revenge against Guybrush. Guybrush must kill LeChuck again, searching the Tri-Island region for the ancient map pieces that will lead him to the bounty. The problem is, LeChuck’s dead already. But that didn’t stop Guybrush last time.
As both a sequel and an independent release, Monkey Island 2 is an excellent adventure game, certainly one of the best made along with the first Monkey Island, AdventureSoft’s ‘Simon the Sorcerer’ and Revolution’s ‘Beneath a Steel Sky.’ It’s technically playable by people of all ages, though the very young (or, contrastingly, very old) may need help deciphering the logic of some courses of action. In truth, everyone’s going to get stuck in the game pretty often. Unlike some bad adventure games (I’m reminded of ‘Simon the Sorcerer 2: The Lion, the Wizard and the Wardrobe’), all of the puzzles here make logical sense and are relevant to advancing the plot, they aren’t merely there to make use of extraneous items. Of course, there are a fair few red herrings along the way to keep gameplay more open-ended, but this is primarily a linear game. The freedom lies in the player’s disgression of which island (Booty or Phatt) to play through first.
The control panel of verbs may put people off at first, but once players settle into it, it’s very straightforward and becomes familiar. This so-called ‘SCUMM’ system is a huge step above the frustrating text formats of earlier games, where commands had to be typed (and typed precisely) in order to work. Guybrush’s inventory is represented by pictograms here, unlike the simpler text descriptions of the first game, but all items can be thoroughly examined through the ‘Look at’ command to uncover hints at their application. Another very handy feature is that the control panel doesn’t need to be visited all that often, as highlighting the desired interactive object or character in the playing field will semi-highlight the most likely option from the bottom, for example ‘Talk to’ if it’s another character, or ‘Open’ if it’s a closed door or chest. Right-clicking the mouse acts upon these suggestions.
The graphics are of the same style used in the first game, but lose something of the simplistic charm in their over-the-top shading and attempted attention to detail. Unfortunately, the 16-bit (or 8-bit depending on the format) graphics aren’t enough to really distinguish whether that’s a beard around Guybrush’s mouth, or just some brown mess he’s made. The game features a few, very few animated sequences that are nicely done, but almost entirely takes place in the ‘playing field’ window that dominates the screen. Every so often, after the player accomplishes something particularly noteworthy, the control panel will vanish and brief cut-scenes of character dialogue take place to advance the plot. Locations are nicely detailed, and it’s always clear exactly what everything is, and where the all-important exits are. The change of locations from island to island, and then to other, more / less exotic locations like LeChuck’s fortress (which is foreshadowed nicely in cut-scenes) keep things from getting dull, and at least avoid the ‘Melee Island depression’ of the first game, in which only one island was playable at a time.
As with the first game, the music here is excellent, and is primarily composed by Michael Land. Primitive synthesised pirate tunes won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but you may be surprised. In fact, the CD version of the game featured music specially recorded that’s playable even on a home stereo. This isn’t a John Williams score or anything, so there’s not much in the way of specific character themes overlapping and carrying underlying meaning, but each of the islands has its specific, relevant theme: Booty Island sounds French and fun, while Phatt Island sounds silly and farty. The game’s once again let down by poor sound effects, all sounding irritatingly chirpy on the rare occasions that they’re necessary. Just be sure not to play this game on a low-spec PC, as the game opts to play sounds through the computer’s internal speaker in these instances, leading to some truly horrible results. 16-bit synthesised pirate music is one thing: special, nostalgic, even beautiful. Discordant bleeps unstoppably emitting at loud volume from a computer you mistakenly believed to be your friend is another.
Walkthrough solutions have always been available for Monkey Island 2, both from LucasArts itself, which actually features in the game in a strange, anachronistic scene in which Guybrush phones the company for help, or in magazines and, more recently, on the internet. This is a cult game that’s still readily available, often in a double pack with the first, superior Monkey Island game or similar titles. Fans of the first game will be happy to see the return of familiar faces, but these nostalgia trips aren’t severe enough to put off newcomers by making them feel that they’ve missed out. They have though: Monkey Island 1 was a lot better.
The second game may not live up to the first, many of the puzzles simply seeming like re-hashes of previous ideas, but it’s a nice continuation, and the storyline and witty dialogue are far better than the childish humour that dominates the sequels. The PC version comes on a CD, whether accompanied by other games or not, and the original Amiga version was spread over an insane total of 11 floppy disks, plus whatever the player used for a save disk. Thankfully, these disks weren’t copy-protected and could be backed up, and the game could be transferred to the hard drive to avoid the annoying disk-swapping that would otherwise only be possible by buying 10 additional floppy drives. Depends how much you like the game, I guess.
Michael Land’s two-disc musical score can be downloaded free of charge from ScummBar. http://www.scummbar.com//resources/downloads/index.php?todo=MP3 [Blow me down, it still works.]
Advantages: Entertaining and intelligent, nice graphics and sound, funny dialogue
Disadvantages: Nothing new after the first game, can be frustrating at times
Sub-Zero Gonna Rip Your Goddamned Head Off
Written on 11.10.07
***
I was never much good at arcade fighting games, or in fact any game that didn’t involve repeatedly guiding a cute cartoon animal or egg across floating platforms from left to right, but Midway’s ‘Mortal Kombat’ series unusually captivated me when it was obtained for my much-loved Amiga 1200 in the mid-90s. Designed as an arcade competitor to Capcom’s ‘Street Fighter’ in a similar way to the Mario and Sonic rivalry of home video game consoles, Mortal Kombat relied on extreme violence and purported realism to win over simple-minded arcade junkies and young gore-obsessed freaks playing reclusively in their home at 32 Ashley Meadow, Haslington, Cheshire (or, you know, anywhere).
Mortal Kombat achieved a fair degree of notoriety for its apparently unprecedented violence that only added to its appeal, coming along just as graphical capabilities became capable of rendering something resembling a real human being ready and willing to spray large amounts of bright red blood upon the slightest blow from an assailant. Crucial to this realism was the novel idea of using real digitised photos of actors for the character sprites, as opposed to the cartoon style or attempted, unsuccessful realism of other contemporary games. This ended up looking a lot better than it perhaps sounds, as the 16-bit graphics were able to successfully capture the profiles and limited movements of the game’s actors and sole actress and incorporate them into the character selection screen, the mini-games and most importantly, the main game itself. The animation of these moves is fairly limited, with actions such as a kick or punch consisting of no more than four stills of each actor being photographed in a slightly different position, but it gives a great and original graphical style to this game that continued into the sequels.
As for the violence itself, the game is set in an ‘Enter the Dragon’/’Tekken’ style Oriental arena where competitors fight to the death, and as such involved various acts of extreme violence, particularly in the option to execute special and comically violent ‘Fatality’ moves unique to each character to deliver the final blow (Sub-Zero’s finishing move, for example, involved ripping the head off his opponent, which brought the dangling spinal cord along with it, while others involved incineration). Anyone with a sense of humour, or in fact any sense at all in being able to discern between a 16-bit arcade game and the real, high-def world, will be able to take these extreme and often fantastical acts with a pinch of salt (ouch), and although the more realistic kicks and punches all look convincing, based as they are on real life models, the bright blood and inferior quality sound effects make it clear that this is just a game. In fact, even when this genre received the 3-D treatment with ‘Mortal Kombat IV’ and the early ‘Tekken’ releases, the characters were all too clearly composed of angular polygons. Other moves caused controversy for slightly different reasons, most memorably Johnny Cage’s so-called ‘package check’ that directs his fist towards a specific part of the characters’ anatomy. This move doesn’t work against Sonya, for some reason that my Dad still won’t tell me, but obviously finds amusing. I am so innocent.
Compared to its immediate sequel, the first Mortal Kombat appears quite disappointing, with less arenas (though these are all pretty much the same, and only different cosmetically) and only half as many playable characters with far fewer special moves, also leading to a shorter playing experience on the whole as the player ascends the ladder defeating each computer-controlled opponent before facing off against the four-armed Goro (still based on digitised photos, this time of a clay miniature) and the overlord Shang Tsung. The characters represent a fair range of types, all of which handle exactly the same, as the series still lacks complexity at this early stage: the only real difference comes in each character’s unique special moves, and of course the player’s personal preference. The human characters are Liu Kang (Ho Sung Pak, who also plays Shang Tsung), essentially a Bruce Lee character with a backstory to match; Johnny Cage (Daniel Pesina), an arrogant Hollywood type who fights in indestructible sunglasses; and Sonya Blade (Elizabeth Malecki), the tough b**** Special Forces commando – and of course, the game’s only woman. Keeping up the fantasy side of things are the cyborg Kano (Richard Divizio); the magical masked ninjas Scorpion and Sub-Zero (both also played by Pesina), armed with a harpoon and ice enchantment respectively; and the Thunder God Raiden (Carlos Pesina), who could easily waste them all with his electrifying powers but elects to tone down his abilities for the contest, or something like that. There is a vague storyline and background for each character explained in the manual, and in a brief text finale upon completing the game, but this is the sort of game where the plot is beyond secondary – it’s not even duodenary.
The Amiga port of the game suffers from inferior graphics to the original arcade version due to the compression onto floppy disks, as do the console cartridge versions, but it fortunately lacks the family-friendly editing applied to the butchered Nintendo version. The game is controlled by the joystick in an adaptation of the original arcade stick and buttons, with left and right moving towards and away from the opponent (also necessary for executing special combo moves), the joystick up acting as the ‘jump’ button, and down similarly acting as crouch, allowing for some lower ground-based varieties of the standard moves. The joystick’s fire button controls all the kicks, punches and combo variations (blocking if pressing away and fire, or down and fire for that ever-so-handy uppercut), and an options screen allows the player to choose their difficulty setting, which includes ‘Very Easy’ for wusses and ‘Very Hard’ for show-offs. The game is a little awkward to control with the joystick at first, especially in comparison to the console joypad versions (though players could easily buy an Amiga joypad), but on the whole the Amiga version was an impressive reproduction of the original, and obviously a whole lot cheaper and more relaxed.
Despite its simplistic, retro fun, the original ‘Mortal Kombat’ suffers from its age, having been usurped within a few years by three-dimensional equivalents in the form of ‘Tekken’ particularly, and as such it feels very primitive and lacking in a way that games of other, more unique styles such as the ever-reliable 2-D platformer never have. The graphics were exceptional for the time, and the music a fairly enjoyable and appropriate series of Oriental melodies, but as soon as ‘Mortal Kombat II’ came along there became very little reason to play this inferior predecessor. It’s important as a piece of video game history, and was integral in spurring angry parents towards forming the Entertainment Software Rating Board and age ratings for games, but otherwise it is of little interest today. Makes you wonder why I’m reviewing it, doesn’t it?
Advantages: Exciting evolution for arcade beat-em-ups.
Disadvantages: Badly dated and extremely limited.
Tears of the Dragon [Bruce Dickinson reference]
Written on 21.07.06
****
The sequel to the hit arcade fighting game ‘Mortal Kombat’ did everything a good sequel should do: improve upon the original, expand the series’ potential, and stand alone as an independent game. Developed for arcades by Probe in 1993, and released on home console / computer formats in 1994, Mortal Kombat II held its own in the face of increasing competition on both formats, most notably from the ‘Street Fighter’ series.
Although very similar in premise and gameplay to its rivals, Mortal Kombat II achieved popularity for its addictive two-player option and replay value, aided by the comparably vast selection of playable characters available. The game’s emphasis on (attempted) realism through the graphics led to more graphic violence than was common for video games of the time, as graphic capabilities continued to evolve. As expected, this led to a difference of opinion among young players and their over-protective parents.
The premise of Mortal Kombat II is similar to its later three-dimensional successor, the ‘Tekken’ series, and is evidently inspired by the Bruce Lee film ‘Enter the Dragon.’ Competitors have been gathered from across the globe to compete in a series of brutal, one-on-one matches for their lives. In one-player mode, the player selects a character and proceeds up a figurative mountain of competitors in the form of the other playable characters, the final battles being with the mighty Kintaro and the mysterious Shao Khan.
There are twelve playable characters this time round, twice as many as in the first game, although most of the old faces return and some of the new ones are similar enough as to be considered pretty identical and interchangeable. The masked ninjas Scorpion and Sub-Zero are supplemented with the third ninja Reptile, capable of green acid attacks and telepathy, and as with the new female faces Mileena and Kitana, these characters are visually identical in all but their colours. The Bruce Lee rip-off Liu Kang, heavyweight Jax, bandit Kung Lao and Hollywood scoundrel Johnny Cage represent the more human side of things against the mutant Baraka and the thunder god Rayden (thunder’s the flashing electrical stuff, right?). The disappointing enemy Shang Tsung from the first game is now a playable grunt like the rest.
Mortal Kombat II learns from its predecessor, resulting in a vastly improved playing experience. As usual, victory is achieved by attacking the opponent until his, her or its health bar is reduced to zero and they are either knocked unconscious or, as the second best-of-three round permits, destroyed in all manner of grisly ways. This time round there are no distracting mini-games, and the score system has been completely removed due to its irrelevance. The Amiga version of the game boots from three floppy disks, and gameplay is controlled entirely with the joystick or joypad, exempting additional keyboard commands to pause the game and enter cheat codes. In the two-dimensional environment, characters can be moved left and right, thus towards or away from the opponent, as well as being able to jump and duck. The fire button controls arm and leg actions; advanced moves and special attacks are carried out through a combination of joystick waggling and button bashing.
The primary fun of this game comes in the two player rounds, as long as both you and your competing friend, relative or arch enemy are of a comparable standard. The number of continues can be set up to a maximum of 30, and round time is still automatically set to 99 seconds. Unless you’re playing two-player with a complete coward this is always going to be far more than enough time in which to kill or be killed. The one-player game has the advantage of unlocking secret characters and levels, as well as the satisfaction of completing a personal quest, but can still prove fairly daunting even with the game difficulty set to a feeble ‘very easy’ standard. As such, two-player is more fun and can even provide an arena in which to test out a character’s special moves and fatal blows without an Amiga-controlled character relentlessly jumping in your face.
As mentioned earlier, the Mortal Kombat series strives for realism, and this is enhanced by the photographic style of the characters. All proportions are anatomically correct for humans, unlike the cartoon style of Street Fighter, and the shading and realistic faces are evidently based on photographic actors. The blood itself isn’t too realistic, and the primitive sound effects aren’t going to have anyone wincing, but the violence itself may be a cause for concern. The backdrops are all rendered quite nicely and there are enough of them in rotation that it never becomes too repetitive, but the limited colour palette in some areas does lead to some visible errors of colour bleeding and substitution.
There are some nice touches to the sound beyond the suitable but unimpressive oriental music score, primarily in the sampling of a booming voice that commands and commends the characters appropriately, especially in the lethal command to ‘finish him!’ Mortal Kombat II expands massively upon the special fatality moves of the first game, providing hours of fun as codes are tried out to make the characters kill each other in really horrible ways. As well as the fatalities, players can cause ‘babalities’ (turning the defeated opponent into a miniature baby version of itself) and the ridiculous but entertaining ‘friendship’ in which all is forgiven and the loser is given a nice present, rather than having his, her or its arms ripped off by Jax.
Mortal Kombat II is a classic beat-em-up that’s a lot of fun, but one that’s really been usurped by its more impressive three-dimensional successors. The game suffers for its limitations such as the basic similarity of all the characters beyond a few individualised tricks, and for the fact that some very simple moves, such as the ever-popular uppercut punch, are incredibly easy to perform and are very damaging, while more complex special moves may not be worth the effort. The Amiga version is particularly annoying for its constant disk-swapping, although this can be avoided if the computer has three floppy drives, which was common in the early 90s. The game couldn’t be loaded onto the hard drive, and this lack of virtual memory meant that some edits had to be made from the superior console versions, mainly additional graphical touches such as animated backgrounds. The joystick was also a little difficult to handle in comparison to joypads or the classic arcade set-up, but this computer version was nevertheless an enormously popular, now enormously dated fighting game.
Advantages: Fast 1 or 2 player fun, with a variety of characters and special abilities
Disadvantages: Too repetitive. Doesn't hold up to modern equivalents
PacMan's Sex Change
Written on 27.11.03
***
The very premise of writing a review on a 1980s arcade game, which can be easily downloaded in any number of formats, may seem a little silly and unnecessary however this is not the case: it is good. You probably only read this review because the title had 'sex' in it anyway.
The early 1982 arcade game PacMan, released by the retro genius company Namco, must be familiar to a large proportion of the world's citizens. The purpose was to guide a yellow disc man around a blue maze to eat all of the pill-shaped items in order to advance to the next level which looked quite similar. The adversaries of PacMan were four brightly coloured and occasionally surprisingly intelligent ghosts who could make him evaporate with a single touch, however the true genius and fun of the game came from eating the large pills in the far corners of the level; in plot twist worthy of the finest authors, Pac was now able to consume the attacking ghouls for a limited time and get his revenge.
Whether the game was an attempt to depict the dangerous yet exciting life of a twentieth century drug addict being pursued by the law or a rival street gang, or whether it was just easy to show something eating dots rather than more difficult to draw food, is unclear, however one thing is certain: Ms. PacMan was exactly the same game, except "she has a bow in her hair" (Noah Vanderhoff, Wayne's World).
Now anyone who had an Amiga, Commodore, Amiga, Spectrum, Atari, Amiga, Amstrad or any of the early computers such as the Amiga will likely have possessed at least four different rip-offs of PacMan, all of which had been made in the late 1980s or early 1990s and were a lot better in terms of level design and enjoyment. I personally played PacMan Deluxe, MouthMan and even Jungle Jim on a regular basis, however it was not until recently that I had the opportunity to try Ms. PacMan, the official sequel to the original.
I was very disappointed with this game as far from being a definitive successor in its own right it was the exact same game where everything just looked a little different. The monsters' eyes and colours had been slightly modified from the red, orange, pink and blue of the original while the female PacMan looked very poor indeed. Where her featureless husband had presented an easy character with which to play, Ms Pacman's heavily made-up eye, lips and cheek distract from the gameplay and do not fit well on to the yellow face. Even the animations between every level pair are the same, while the fact that she is a female has no effect on the gameplay whatsoever. An interesting twist and plot should have been added to the end of the game, in which it turns out that Mr PacMan was simply masquerading as a female by putting on unconvincing make-up; as I have never completed this game I'm not sure whether Namco may have already set up this shocker conclusion. This difficulty is certainly a feature common to many arcade games as they are often very addictive due to their difficulty and avant-garde style. That's right, I used 'avant-garde'.
Overall, still a very fun and classic game, however the modification of PacMan into a woman seems irrelevant and highly distracting. Not in a sexual way though, I didn't mean that.
Advantages: The original was innovative and highly enjoyable
Disadvantages: This is exactly the same, yet worse
O
Dare to be Different
Written on 04.07.00
***
Abe's Odysee dares to try out the old-fashioned genre of two-dimensional platforming which at first seems strange, but eventually you forget as it's just so enjoyable.
While taking a while to get into the real action, it's fun to explore the strange world Abe lives in, although some parts do seem too hard, and need a bit too precise handling to be accomplished.
The amazing animated sequences every so often are also breathtaking, and the game's also funny. the first time you see Abe talk to a fellow Mudokon and hear the lines, "Hello." "Hello." "Follow me." "Okay," it's hysterical. their voices are so high-pitched, they sound like babies underwater.
The enemies and other creatures are also very well drawn, and the game is satisfyingly large. There are also two endings, adding the element that you have to rescue enough Mudokons to "properly" win it, much like you need all the Chaos Emeralds to "properly" win the old Mega Drive Sonic games. [The only time I ever correctly spaced out 'Mega Drive.' These shorter reviews are much more readable too. Clearly it was all downhill from 14.]
Overall, a very funny and lengthy game that is well worth the money.
Advantages: Long and thought-provoking.
Disadvantages: Some parts are too tricky, and it seems a little too old-fashioned.
The Voice in My Head
Written on 19.06.04
***
(A mobile classroom in Cheshire, circa 1993)
“Thanks everybody!”
What was that? Oh, must have been my mind. That was a bit strange, ha ha. Oh well, on with my work on the Anglo Saxons or whatever it was I did in year three.
“Bonus letter!”
That had to be a person that time… no, everyone’s just doing their work on the Anglo Saxons, as I mentioned just then. I’ll just carry on colouring in this longboat and stuff.
“Find the clapperboard”
Oh no, there’s no hiding it any more: I’m going strange. I’m hearing voices from a computer game in my eight-year-old head, I am losing it.
Produced by Flair Design, Oscar was another attempt by a video game manufacturer to entice younger players through the use of an attitude-possessing animal, although to be fair there were many original ideas; for a start the character was not particularly likeable and was reasonably grotesque, but this gave him a distinct character as he was played through different genres of film (and television) in a large cinema complex. There was nothing inherently special about Oscar, but as it was the first computer game I ever played it will always hold a special place in my mind (not my heart, that’s just veiny muscle).
STYLE & GAMEPLAY
Oscar was an Amiga and PC platform game, and as such shared a common control method and layout with most other platform games of the time. The joystick, or keyboard if you were desperate, could move Oscar left and right, the forward ‘up’ position making him jump and the back ‘down’ position causing him to duck. The fire button performed tasks such as starting the game and selecting ‘OK,’ but during play it could only control Oscar’s weapon, the yo-yo, when it was collected. The layout of the levels was clearly given a lot of attention as there is a fair degree of variety between the different stages, which was perhaps one of the reasons that this game was offered in several promotional packs for the Amiga 1200 and CD32.
On each level, Oscar’s goal was to collect all of the small Oscar trophies and then proceed to the clapperboard where a director would announce ‘Cut!’ (ha ha). The enemies were fairly repetitive and based on very similar principles in each stage – a mixture of flying menaces and larger, wandering beasts, all of which would move in a very basic, set path. Variety was added through the bonuses and power-ups that Oscar could collect from the many film canisters; although these mostly contained simple ‘treasure,’ ‘food’ and ‘points’ that were added up after the end of the level, a number of special items could be found on each stage. Picking one up would cancel out any currently being used, but many simply wore off quite quickly in any case and as such some strategic thinking could be required. Not too much though obviously, it was only ‘Oscar’:
Yo-yo – Oscar’s weapon of choice, this could be swung at enemies or used to swing across platforms to provide access to areas otherwise unreachable. It could also smash obvious blocks, and was the only use of the ‘fire’ button during gameplay.
Wings – These allowed Oscar to float upwards and across to any destination for about thirty to sixty seconds.
Shield – Invincibility for a limited time, although pitfalls such as drowning and literal pit falls were still lethal.
Invisibility – With a vocal comment of “I’m invisible,” Oscar would become undetectable for a brief period. Note that this is a useless and avoidable item, considering every enemy is on a pre-programmed path and thus it only causes frustration when trying to jump over gaps.
Springy shoes – A much higher and nicer feeling jump that would soon wear off.
Bonus / Bogus letters – On most levels, the individual letters B, O, N, U, S and G could be collected. Spelling ‘BONUS’ would lead the player to a bonus level after that stage, while accidentally collecting the ‘G’ and the ‘BOUS’ letters and failing to replace it with an ‘N’ would lead to the bogus level where the player dies if they don’t reach the end in time. It looked nicer though.
STAGES
Accessed from the cinema lobby, there are seven levels each comprising three stages each. Unlike some similar games there are no ‘boss’ enemies, although bonus levels can be played after completion of each area.
Sci-Fi - An obvious but necessary choice, this level is perhaps the most difficult. Influenced heavily by films such as ‘Alien’ and ‘Forbidden Planet’ rather than something like Star Trek or Doctor Who. Oscar is kitted out in ‘cyberpunk’ gear, I expect, which consist of sunglasses (sorry, I mean shades) and a sparkly trench-coat thing.
Horror - One of the most visually appealing and diverse levels, this features large castles that can be wandered into and explored as well as a lot of underwater sections that have nice backgrounds. Oscar is dressed as Dracula or something, but the enemies are all very fun – there’s even a Frankingstein.
Cartoon - A little irritating and featuring the most annoying enemies in the form of rapid and very small wasps, this sees Oscar retaining his T-shirt, shorts and cap from the foyer.
Western - The first level I completed, this level has been designed very well and never gets tiresome considering it’s mainly deserts and saloons and things. Some unexpected underwater bits as well; I feel like playing this now actually.
War - Interesting but also dull due to the decision of making this a black-and-white level, although this is contrasted with Oscar and the nice backdrops (which are in full colour). A bit depressing and with too many falling platforms to be that entertaining, this is still quite good.
Game Show - Personally I can’t see myself going to a cinema to watch a game show, but Flair Design obviously see things differently. Or they just ran out of film genres. This is my least favourite level as the red and blue colour scheme gets very dull, as do the ever-present signs and game show motifs.
Prehistoric - Owing more to the Flintstones than Jurassic Park, this is nonetheless a fun outdoor level after the claustrophobic previous ones. It also has the silliness of the cartoon level, which is nice.
THE ‘TROLLS’ FACTOR
As much as I thoroughly enjoyed (and still occasionally play) ‘Oscar,’ there is a large factor that unfortunately counts against it in terms of unoriginality: it is an almost direct rip-off of Flair’s own, slightly earlier game ‘Trolls,’ starring those purple-haired monstrous dolls that girls used to have in their rooms for some weird reason. The graphics and sound are almost identical, the only changes being in the more three dimensional rendering of Oscar’s platforms and backgrounds and the sound effects of Oscar’s voice – the principle earlier referred to as ‘bung-bung-BOING!’ to dispatch enemies is exactly the same, as are the Big Red Elephants used as save points, although a Pig Stop was used in place of a clapperboard.
Just when you thought it couldn’t get any less original, even the collectables in terms of mundane food, treasure and point items and the special bonuses were exactly the same (right down to the yo-yo) and a number of baby Trolls needed to be collected instead of miniature Oscars. Essentially it was the exact same game, only a little less enjoyable and more of a cash-in to whoever thought it was clever to bring out Troll dolls.
VERDICT
As it was released in 1992, this game obviously can’t compare to modern releases in terms of graphics or versatility, but it’s still very enjoyable and rivals most of the platform games of the time, except perhaps the more popular Sonic and Mario series. The first game I really got into in a big way, to the extent of hearing the lead character’s voice in my addled mind even when several miles away from the Amiga, Oscar will always be a special and particularly enjoyable game for me to play, but the fact that Flair have basically brought out a re-working of their ‘Trolls’ game does invalidate it a little.
The only flaws in the game were that it could occasionally be far too hard to pass specific objects – I spent several frustrated days trying to work a way around a spike section in the horror level, and it took months before I could even get onto the second stage of Sci-Fi – and the game took a very, very long time to load from the floppy disks, mainly due to the high quality of the graphics. The lack of any bosses at the end of levels provided something of an anticlimax, but Oscar was a straightforward game that I am happy to have enjoyed. And anyway, it beat the pathetic cash-in game of the film ‘Dennis’ that also came with my Amiga 1200 Desktop Dynamite pack.
Thankfully I no longer hear Oscar’s voice inside my head, although I do still hear the whimpers of the McCrae children every night as I fall to sleep. It’s almost as if they don’t appreciate being locked up in the fun cupboard being intravenously fed and laughed at. Excessive playing of computer games in childhood officially has no permanent mental side-effects.
Advantages: Very fun and well designed, Good graphics and sound features, My first game
Disadvantages: Unbelievable similarity to 'Trolls', Some noticable features lacking
P
Rockin' the Suburbs
Written on 05.10.05
***
However simplistic, cheap-looking and frustrating to play, Tengen's 'Paperboy' remains one of the more memorable Amiga games I struggled through as a child. Devoid of a plot or any kind of versatility in gameplay from the onset, Paperboy sees a young boy attempting to deliver newspapers to an American suburban community that seems bent on destroying him and his little bike.
GAMEPLAY & CONTROLS
Paperboy is played from an aerial view that begins looking down from the left, becomes a central birdseye view in the middle of the stage and shifts to the right for the third part. The Amiga joystick moves Paperboy's bike left or right, and can speed up or slow down by pushing forwards or pulling back.
But Paperboy is, thankfully, much more than a simplified BMX simulator; the joystick's fire trigger, coupled with a shove to the left or right, will release one of the precious 'Daily Bugle' newspapers to serve the customer or cause havoc. If Paperboy is hit by an obstacle, kerb or thrown missile he falls off his bike and pulls a grumpy face, and the player loses a life. Lose all three lives and the newspaper cover declares 'Stop Press: Paperboy Fired!' You must then begin all over again.
If the player makes it through a level relatively unscathed, they will be rewarded with a bizarre obstacle course than can be completed for bonus points. If you are hit during this stage, as you often will be, Paperboy loses no lives but there is no opportunity to resume the course - play jumps to the next day.
DELIVERIES
Successfully aiming and hitting a mailbox leads to a chime and the player receiving 250 points, while a less accurate hit of a door receives a more modest 100 points. Either way, a delivery has been made and the customer will remain loyal the following day unless Paperboy smashes their windows at the same time. Breaking the windows of non-subscribers (who initially inhabit the run-down ghetto areas with broken TVs and brick-throwers in the front garden, as some kind of weird message about early 90s society) is encouraged and awarded with points.
Points are also awarded for every act of paper vandalism, ranging from releasing a roasting chicken from its oven to dropping a car bonnet on a bloke's head and hosing sunbathers, no matter where their loyalties lie. Delivering every newspaper on a day results in a 'perfect delivery' message and extra life, before play resumes on the slightly more speedy next day.
VERDICT
Paperboy embodies everything that is pointless about early video games. The sequel added little of interest aside from a random level generator, new contrived situations and the unsophisticated 'Papergirl' option which involved colouring the Paperboy sprite slightly differently and adding longer, red hair.
Not a game that deserves to be recognised so long after fading from shelves, although the premise is a fairly original and certainly memorable one. Gameplay was difficult and frustrating, but certainly addictive for a limited time as new discoveries wait to be made. Features such as stopping the runaway baby and knocking out the burglar add a sense of trigger-happy satisfaction, and I'm sure less than five newspaper-missile atrocities were influenced by this severely dated game.
[Insert Testicle Based Pun]
Written on 04.06.04
***
Pinball machine emulators in general are a genre of computer game that have dated very little in terms of design and control, and the modern PC versions still have much in common with Gametek's classic release 'Pinball Dreams.' Four themed tables with a variety of modes and options made this a best-seller in 1990 on the PC, Amiga and other contemporary computers, however there were still a number of major problems: for a start, it was too hard.
STYLE
The tables are viewed from directly above, which can cause a little confusion in terms of the gravity and the ball's abilities at first, but this also allows for a clear view of every part of the table that the ball is currently occupying. The screen scrolled vertically up and down when necessary, and in my opinion this made it a lot easier to get an overall view of the table than the view favoured by more modern pinball games, based on the player's view at a real-life pinball table looking up the slope.
The same basic features apply to each table: the ball is released with a spring and controlled by the flippers, being shot through chutes and against different forms of bumper in order to score points. Modes could be activated to allow for even greater score possibilities, but there were constant threats in the form of gaps at the bottom of the table: one at each side, and the infamous opening in the middle between the flippers.
CONTROLS
The controls are brilliantly straightforward and very easy to get used to. The F1 to F4 keys are used to select the table (exiting tables to play on others can be done through the usual 'Esc' key), and once the table has loaded, F1 to F8 selects the number of players. Contrary to my misguided childish beliefs, there is no benefit to selecting eight players each time for a longer game by yourself: it is far less confusing, and more convenient, to press F1 each time your three balls are lost.
The keys that will receive the most abuse are the ones controlling the flippers, the left and right 'Alt' keys. The Windows keys can also be used (substituted for the Amiga keys on that machine) but this always brings with it the possibility of the start menu popping up so I try and avoid this when possible.
The spring is pulled back with the down cursor key, and if you are a fool you can press the left or right 'Shift' keys to shake the table. This is never necessary, as the ball cannot be trapped accidentally on this game, and will result in a tilt if you do it a couple of times. Personally, I think they included this option to try and be funny. At least it worked, it could also be used as a threat when noticing your brother is playing the game.
TABLES
The four tables are all similar in design, but incorporate their themes into the shape and function of the tables.
1. IGNITION
A predominantly red and grey table, this features a large rocket ship motif, in the style of science fiction from the likes of Ray Bradbury, and has a large arcing section at the top in which the word 'WARP' can be gradually spelled. Possibly the easiest table in terms of survival, but it's not clear exactly why; as long as the player keeps the ball towards the top end there is far less risk of 'death.' Compared to the other tables it does seem a little bland and uninteresting though.
2. STEEL WHEEL
My favourite table for its upbeat style, this is based on the rather untraditional theme of Wild West postal service, or at least that's what it seems to be. Enjoyable simulated banjo music makes it an appealing table to play again and again, and although it takes some time it eventually becomes clear which routes and directions to take in order to score the most points. A lot of stampeding sound effects and musical jingles add incentive to scoring jackpots, which are all the more satisfying for them.
3. BEAT BOX
The brightest and most colourful table, this music-based board is difficult to crack in terms of realising exactly which over-illuminated paths to aim for. The sound effects, presumably based on samples found in the dance music that young people like to listen to, does get very tedious in its poor sound quality, and overall this is probably my least favourite track. Even 'Ignition' held the possibility of seeing some space-based antics with the higher points, but there is very little appeal in hitting buffers in order to raise the position of my 'single' here.
4. NIGHTMARE
This game began the very effective tradition of making the fourth table a horror-based outing, something which the nine-year-old me may have enjoyed a little too much. Being the first it is less professional and more limited than the later 'Stones 'n' Bones' and the incredibly addictive 'Night of the Demon' from Slamtilt, but the antiquated horror music makes it fun, as do the creaking and atmospheric sound effects. The drawback to this table is that it is clearly designed to be very , very difficult, and even the spring doesn't shoot the ball right to the top this time. A table for the professionals.
VERDICT
As this game essentially cracked the virtual pinball machine and very effectively converted the original controls onto the keyboard it automatically receives high praise, but compared to genuine hands-on pinball machines it's obviously not as impressive. Then again, no one buys a stealth flight simulator and complains that they didn't feel the wind rushing through their hair.
As is the case with many games, the original inspired a number of more impressive spin-offs. My favourite, and a game that has remained in my top five video games of all time, is the excellent 'Slamtilt,' which takes the best features of this game and expands on them to incredibly addictive, enjoyable an often hilarious ends. Read my review if you desire more information, or are just eager to give me some miles. 'Pinball Dreams' was an enjoyable and very influential game, but is very much a thing of the past.
Advantages: Good use of music and graphics in level design, Paved the way for other releases, Well designed and programmed
Disadvantages: Incredibly difficult, Not as advanced or extensive as its offspring, Tables aren't too interesting
Pre-School Penguin
Written on 26.05.04
**
In 1997, BBC Multimedia released this 'Pingu' CD-ROM, a collection of very basic puzzles and games aimed at children and based on the then-popular clay animation series of the same name.
I'm sure many people will remember Pingu, but for those who don't, it followed the antics of a penguin, his family and friends, all of them rarely speaking and only doing so in an Inuit-style language that I remember being told was genuine, but may well have been made up. My parents bought this CD-ROM in a sale in around 1998 or 1999, and my youngest brother enjoyed playing the games for a couple of years.
OPERATION & LAYOUT
When the Pingu CD is loaded, the old-style BBC logo appears and then the 'player' is taken to the main menu screen, where a slightly patronising woman's voice informs them on how to select one of the activities, and exclaims "hooray!" a little over-enthusiastically once one is selected.
The graphics appear dated now, but they are accurate digitalisations of the claymation characters and sets, and all sound samples are authentic. The buttons at the bottom of the screen are all very large, colourful and friendly, and make it very easy for the children to operate the program.
PUZZLES
There are six puzzles, aimed at the player's senses of sight and sound, presumably avoiding smell, taste and touch as that would be impossible and they are not mad. Different skill settings can be chosen on each of the puzzles, although this most often extends the task slightly rather than making it any more taxing. Here are a couple of notable examples:
Letters Puzzle - this presents the player with a familiar image and a group of letters, and asks them to select the correct letters to spell the word. This is a little poorly designed as it isn't testing spelling so much as shape recognition - the outlines of the letters are already there, using the example of 'dog,' so it is a little too straightforward.
Colour Puzzle - the player is told the name of a colour, and they have to rotate reels to display that colour. An unaddictive and less risky form of a fruit machine for the younger generation. Even from a child's point of view the puzzles are not very interesting or enjoyable; this is the most educational part of the game designed to teach them some basic skills, but the ever-present menu bar lets them return to the dancing Pingu whenever they desire, as that is best.
GAMES
Obviously the most interesting feature of the disc, the games are all very small and limited, and the keys involved are often a little confusing ('Z' and 'X' move Pingu left and right during Fish Tennis for example). The inclusion of games must come as a relief to children, and the digitised Pingu and Robbie the Seal are very believable as they move around the screen, controlled by the player.
Ice Flow - This is one of the more impressive games, and involves Pingu crossing frozen rivers on passing blocks of ice to reach the other side. A less difficult and ultimately less enjoyable version of the classic arcade game 'Frogger.'
Music Time - Not so much a game as a chance to unwind, this features a music keyboard with some very limited instrument samples, and the player can make whatever brief, discordant cacophony they like.
SCREENSAVERS
A bit of an advertisement, these screensavers are of the variety that load a mini-program and have to be manually switched off once they appear; no simple wave of the mouse to remove the flying toasters this time. Not a section that can be handled by children, unless they are really smart or far too old to be playing this game, as it involves setting up the screensaver in the way that we've all done many times before realising that we're better off without one.
VERDICT
Obviously this is aimed at the younger generation, the box indicating a target age group of 'Age 3-6,' but there are several inconsistencies in this rating; although many children are now largely computer literate, the instructions on the 'Help' menu are in very small print, and can often prove a little confusing. There is nothing revolutionary or particularly impressive about this BBC release, and I wouldn't recommend it over any modern equivalents that will be far more extensive and probably better designed.
The very premise of the game as educational is also a little misleading, as although it could possibly help to refine certain skills, it doesn't teach very much apart from how to recognise the same sounds, and how to fit a shape into a hollowed out version of the same shape. As I see it, the best aspect of the program for young players is that it can teach them some rudimentary computer skills such as altering volume, navigating between menus and opening/closing programs. 'A Barrel of Fun!' is stretching it a bit far though.
...The More They Stay the Same
Written on 17.06.04
***
It could be argued that the genre of racing games has altered very little since the introduction of the 1982 arcade game Pole Position, however it can also be argued that it has clearly improved loads; are you mad? In reality, or at least my version thereof, both statements are true as the general style and control of this Namco classic set the pole by which the position of all future racing games would be judged. Or something like that.
PREMISE
From the demo playing behind the “Insert Coin” screen it’s clear that this is a racing game, to some extent a simulator of a Formula 1 race. The car is fairly bland and non-descript and at the bottom of the screen, heading forwards in the groundbreaking three-dimensional looking environment. The player controls the car along the track, attempting to stay on the road as opposed to veering onto the grass or exploding on the billboards, with the ultimate goal of achieving pole position, which is also the title of the game as I’m sure you’ve noticed.
Essentially, racing games are still based exactly on this format. The car is situated in what is usually deemed the appropriate and best position, used in such games as Colin McCrae Rally, Gran Turismo and the Wipeout series, while the detrimental effect of increasing speed on the player’s ability to control the car is also a key feature.
GAMEPLAY
The controls are as expected, and again show how little has changed. The arcade joystick, or keyboard keys if you’re playing in the less exciting atmosphere of the home or office, can steer the vehicle left and right, the up and down directions adjusting acceleration and deceleration accordingly. There is a button to shift gear from ‘Low’ to ‘High,’ the High option being vital once the car has got going, which is adapted to the space bar on home computer versions.
As with all old games that appear three-dimensional this is not strictly the case, although it certainly feels like it is, and it’s easy to spin around and head in the wrong direction if that’s your kind of thing. A great deal of effort clearly went into making this game as realistic and lifelike as possible, under the constraints of the processor’s speed and memory and the obvious graphical and sound limitations, and Namco did an excellent job. It may be short-lived and repetitive, but it’s still very fun.
THE MORE THINGS CHANGE...
Compared to modern racing games, Pole Position has:
• The same control method
• The same layout
• The same difficulty and fun
• Sponsorship from premier racing companies
Compared to modern racing games, Pole Position does not have:
• Impressive graphics and sound
• Endorsement from real racers
• Multiplayer option
• Different game options
VERDICT
Obviously not a game you’d go out and buy unless you were looking for something very cheap, this deserves respect more than anything for pioneering the racing game industry. It’s not flash but it’s still fun, and my family has extracted plenty of enjoyment over the years from the incredibly poorly recorded female voice saying “prepare to qualify” and “prepare to race.” It’s also very fun to hit other drivers or sign posts and see your car immediately explode in a ball of flames before reanimating.
Namco came up with another coin-op winner here – it may not have Nigel Mansell on the cover, but it’s got irritating computer-generated engine noises aplenty. I'm aware that it's obviously not as enjoyable or fun as a modern racing game, I'm not that weird, but I do love these arcade classics. Perhaps I should seek counselling for these strange fetishes with games that were popular before I was even conceived, but in the meantime I’ll stick to PacMan, Dig Dug and Frogger.
Advantages: Original and enjoyable, A nice cheap thrill that's quick to load and play, Very amusing
Disadvantages: Pales in comparison to modern equivalents, Basic graphics and sound, Limited gameplay
R
The Best on Playstation [Can't remember ever playing this one, it was my brother's thing. This was in the early months before the site added all the "classics," I guess, when we were forced to write about things that could actually be purchased in a shop.]
Written on 01.07.00
***
Resident Evil 3 is the best Resident Evil on this format. It's got a great story which ties in with that of Resident Evil 2, another great game, and features a lot of action and plot twists.
There are many new weapons and enenies to fight, as well as the fearsome Nemesis creature which you keep bumping into, but the alternative Resident Evil 3, Resident Evil: Code Veronica on Dreamcast, is a lot better than this. [Again no memory of these new-fangled things.]
While the story and graphics are great, this game is too reminiscent of Resident Evil 2 and while it is good and nostalgic to walk down those same streets again, it is also unoriginal. The game should have had a new location to make it better.
Advantages: Great graphics, and better than RE 1 and 2.
Disadvantages: Too reminiscent of the last game.
S
Wooden Spelling Goes Technical
Written on 13.10.05
*****
Even in the glitzy space-age twenty-first century we inhabit, Scrabble remains one of the most popular and stimulating board games for people of all ages. Young children can play as an aid to their learning and the very elderly can use it to keep themselves on the ball, so it was inevitable and highly satisfying when Supervision released the first truly playable video game adaptation for Amiga home computers and Sega's MegaDrive console in 1994.
ADAPTATION & IMPROVISATION
Converting a board game to a 16-bit console environment isn't as easy as you might think; home video games are commonly made for one player, and the in-game dictionary is (mostly) responsible for everything that can be played. As such, there had to be compromises: while two human players can play each other in turn, each shielding their eyes when it isn't their turn, the single player can choose opponents from a veritable smorgasbord of intellect.
The Amiga's keyboard is not used to select your letters: these are instead given to you automatically after a turn and their use can be selected with the joystick or joypad, depending on the game format you use. The player's actions are simplified to a table of diagrams below their letters, including 'swap rack,' 'racks visible' and 'pass.' There are nine playable characters, this makes no difference to the player in control as the character's intellect is not carried across to either enhance your own or render you seriously stupid, but they are essentially presented in order of difficulty as opponents.
This leads to some of the petty problems with the game: you can't enter your own name, and it may be difficult to find a character who you feel you resemble. Unless of course you work for Hardcastle & Son's Carnival of Freaks in which case it'll be like looking in the mirror. Not that you probably own a mirror, you poor deformed humanoid.
MAKING & BREAKING RULES
Although many people have their own personal rules for the game, occasionally veering wide of the original guidelines, the rules for this game are not for compromise. You can't have proper nouns, you can't add an 'N' to make up a nonsense verb based on an obscure headword that you only imagine exists so you can get the triple word score, and you can't look at the other player's letters. No wait, I mean, you can look at the other player's letters. At any time you want. As well as this rather dodgy optional feature, the player can select to receive a 'hint' on their turn. This doesn't always work, but will occasionally result in a feeble word of around 9 points; useful if you're really stuck, as the in-game dictionary contains some very bizarre words I've never encountered before or since.
Owen Thomas is credited under 'Dictionary' and he did a great job, although I'm still not sure whether this involved him working day and night typing each entry from a dictionary or simply uploading one off whatever passed for the internet in 1994. I believe it was still the internet, but only clever people had access and there was far less pornography. In cases where a word is placed by the human player that is not recognised, the suited referee raises an eyebrow and asks whether or not this is a real word.
This is the silliest part of the game: although useful in checking whether your badly remembered noun was real or just from a dream after all, this basically means that you can put down 'qxzyjvb' as your first move and win as many cheating points as you want. But you're only cheating yourself. Tempted though, aren't you? You make me sick.
FEATURES
The game's memory is limited, the cartridge or floppy disk already full of the English Dictionary, and as such there is no save option. Anyone fancying a day-long tournament against other players or the computer will find their best scores for individual words and overall games maintained in a list, as long as the console isn't switched off or reset, and you can even try and take on the whole cast of characters if you're man or woman enough.
I was very impressed to see the language select option at the beginning. As well as being able to play extended games in British English, the cartridge/disk also features a full version in French, German and Spanish! This is truly impressive, as is the faithfulness to the original board game with the options to change tiles, pass a turn and check your own rack when the opponent is playing.
VERDICT
An excellent, almost flawless conversion of the classic board game to video game format, and perhaps the best that could ever have been achieved. Although the MegaDrive and Amiga were both declining in popularity at around this point, usurped by the more powerful PlayStation generation of consoles and Windows a year or so later, Supervision's 'Scrabble' surely set the mould for the best selling hand-held GameBoy and GameBoy Colour versions and presented an easy way for people to waste their time and lives with the Sega joypad in hand.
Supervision's Scrabble is also an interesting exercise in personal tolerance and frustration. Some of those computer players are really, really difficult. They put down some very good words. The word 'qxzyjvbk' isn't in the Dictionary, but as far as the Spock-eyebrowed referee knows it could be a common term in the futuristic 2005, perhaps the name of our Jeston-style flying cars we all have. You can cheat at this game if you want to, but you're only cheating yourself.
16-Bit Console Wars
Written on 24.11.03
*****
This review is not intended to try and persuade or dissuade anyone into buying a Sega Megadrive, so I suppose by default it shouldn't be written. But I enjoy reminiscing about my youth, hopefully you will too if you are of a similar upbringing, this is my chance for a bit of fun. Come with me now on a trip down memory lane...
It is the very early 90s, you'll have to pretend anyway as I don't think it is anymore, and the Super Nintendo and the Sega Megadrive are the only consoles worth mentioning. There has never been more rivalry or outright feuding in the market; in a possibly controversial and troubling way, the consoles were capable of dividing youth into the Mario players- that's the Super Nintendo Entertainment System, or SNES if you were cool, and the Sonic players- that's the Megadrive, or the MD if you were a bit strange. With the dealings and cross-console liaisons between modern consoles, which are essentially trying to be more fun versions of PCs, such feuding no longer exists [That's right, these competitors all just get along now] and parents are simply forced to buy multiple formats. This happened in the days of the Megadrive too, but only to those rich gits like Eldon Lee, who doesn't really exist but sounds like the people my mental picture is being based upon. [It appears I have a running joke in 2004 of naming fictional characters or pseudonyms 'Eldon' in relation to Kevin Eldon. Very amusing?]
My family, at least those of us young enough to be bothered, belonged to the Sega vein. The fast-paced adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog appealed to our animal fun senses more than the more in-depth game with the plumber on the other console, and the Megadrive was clearly the superior console as it was black, the colour of Batman. And who was ever cooler than the B-man?
This review is not intended to try and persuade or dissuade anyone into buying a Sega Megadrive, so I suppose by default it shouldn't be written. But I enjoy reminiscing about my youth, hopefully you will too if you are of a similar upbringing, this is my chance for a bit of fun. Come with me now on a trip down memory lane...
In terms of the games, and being unbiased for a moment, the Megadrive had a great many racing and beat-em-up games, such as the Mortal Kombat series, while the SNES featured more adventure games such as Zelda and, to some extent, Super Mario World. More on this in a moment.
ABILITY
The original NES (Nintendo Entertainment System) was clearly the leading brand of 8-bit console in the late 80s, however the introduction of the Megadrive - known as the Genesis in the USA - in August 1989 brought Sega's arcade game-based strength into the home market.
Nintendo's SNES was released in 1991, and presented some tough competition to the Megadrive. The internal memory of the system was twice that of all its competitors, which allowed games to be much larger - Zelda and Super Mario World being the best examples - and for later games to possess much more realistic graphics, such as Donkey Kong Country and Toy Story. This was due to the SNES possessing the ability to handle far more colours with its clever 1991 chips than the 256-colour 1989 Megadrive, but by the time this became an issue it was already time for the next wave of consoles, spearheaded by Sony's PlayStation.
Sega were very adept at jumping in with a more advanced console a couple of years too early, something they would later find to their loss with the Dreamcast. However, the Megadrive and Megadrive II - an unnecessary reworking of the original which meant it was a bit smaller and now had red buttons instead of white ones, cool - still remained the option for a lot of children and adolescents.
GAMES
Sega's strength as an arcade coin-op company led to most of their games being based around the "pick up 'n play" formula of sport and racing games, while Nintendo offered much more in the way of long-term role playing games. Nowadays, Nintendo are often seen as the company catering more towards children's tastes,with many cutesy platformers and only the occasional head-bursting gorefest, but I suppose if there was any clear distinction in the early 90s it would be that Nintendo catered more towards people of a nerdish tendency; not meant as offence to anyone, but the kind of people who will invest their time into completing Super Mario World with all 96 levels (obviously including Special Star Roads) are less likely to receive a muddy kick in the groin on a cold Sunday morning football field than someone who enjoys Sega's "NBA 1993." Which probably existed.
Although the obvious comparison was between Sonic and Mario, so let's do this 'thang.'
SONIC, THE BLUE HEDGEHOG WITH ATTITUDE:
The Sonic series were fast-paced games with great graphics that were intended to be played through in one game. No save option was present, although everyone who had it knew the level select cheat. Being a cool hedgehog with much-publicised 'attitude', something which rarely came into play on the game as he couldn't make witty put-downs but did still tap his foot impatiently when left alone, Sonic was a friendly and cute method for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fans to pretend they were cool, in-between calling their father 'dude' and mother 'dudette' and eating horrible pizza from a mysteriously low-budget Turtles food company. I didn't do any of these things though, and anyone who says I did is a liar.
MARIO, THE ITALIAN PLUMBER WHO CAN JUMP DEAD HIGH:
Mario games were still being based on the slightly dated formula of the scrolling screen- a basically linear system where the action would progress from left to right with no turning back. Mario 3 was the first game, still on the old Nintendo, to introduce a wider playing field as well as the much-copied map system that led Mario games into being a kind of sub-RPG. With much greater depth, these were games that rewarded the long-term player but were not so appealing to a lot of children such as myself. In hindsight, I now enjoy playing Mario games more, imagine that.
AFTERMATH
Shortly before the introduction of the 32-bit line of consoles, most notably the Playstation as Sega had lost a lot of its coolness with the new Saturn release (it was black for a start- who liked the Batman films now?), my mum bought me and my brothers a SNES which we thoroughly enjoyed. I found new delight in Mario World, a game I would not have been able to appreciate if I were younger, but that was about it. The Megadrive was still more fun.
In the present day I still prefer a good old classic game to a modern, complex one and the Megadrive doesn't disappoint. At a time of competitive yet very similar video games, Sega managed to stay one step ahead before their recent fade into obscurity. I suppose every 'hog' has his day (I'm referring to hedgehog there).
I learned a lot during that, thank you for reading. If you enjoyed these consoles, why not buy one from eBay? It may smell a bit like a loft or sweaty child's bedroom, but the games are often more fun than more modern equivalents.
Advantages: Variety of games
Disadvantages: Dated now
Three Dimensional Computer Snap
Written on 10.08.06
***
The computerised card game that began life in the computer realm, rather than being based on an existing game, Mahjong solitaire was developed by Brodie Lockard in 1981 and was subsequently appropriated for home computer systems in various guises, under a variety of titles.
Activision's ‘Shanghai’ was the Amiga and Mac edition of Lockard’s original ‘Mahjongg.’ Roughly speaking, the game is a tile version of ‘snap,’ incorporating elements of solitaire, that uses traditional Chinese Mahjong tiles rather than a deck of cards. As can be seen in Dooyoo’s screenshot, the game begins with the tiles stacked up, 144 of them in a ‘dragon formation.’
The objective of the game is simply to remove all of the tiles from play, as with the cards in Solitaire, and this is accomplished by clicking with the mouse on identical pairs. The tiles selected must be ‘free,’ meaning that they could be moved either left or right on the board (not up or down). There is rarely more than two of the same tile on screen at once, and in some instances there will only be one; this results in ‘game over,’ as progress is impossible. It’s vital to think in three-dimensional terms when playing Shanghai, and to recognise the aerial view of the playing field for what it is. Even if tiles appear partly obscured or shadowed by others at a higher level to their left, they will still be just as easy to dispense of, provided they have freedom of movement to the right. The rules are simple and inflexible.
The game uses traditional Mahjong tiles, the circle and bamboo suits being plain to understand and to place value on in their depiction of one to nine images, but the character suits are annotated in the corner with English numerals alongside the traditional Chinese. The same tile of the same suit must always be selected during play; the only exceptions are the four season tiles and the plants. These can be selected together, in any combination within their limited suits, for the same result. It’s important not to place exaggerated personal value on eliminating tiles that are more aesthetically pleasing than others, for example the nice peacock one over the boring numbered ones, as this will only limit options and hinder progress.
A game to play to kill fifteen minutes, Shanghai isn’t necessarily addictive, but is quite enjoyable. The Amiga version is only one-player by default, but can conceivably be multi-player if players take it in turns to make a move, to see who wins or loses first. Strategic thinking can come into play on occasion, especially as there is no time limit for moves, but generally speaking it’s wiser to aim to eliminate the more central tiles than those on the perimeter, as it frees up more restricted tiles and leads to greater freedom of choice as the game progresses. It’s not as simple as clearing all of the additional layers and leaving yourself with the foundations, as there won’t necessarily be as many options left as there would with the other tiers still in play.
The game’s graphics and sound are limited and of little consequence, as all that matters is that the tiles can be easily discerned in the Amiga’s 16-bit graphics. Simple blips accompany the elimination process, and aside from a title screen and game over message there is nothing else for the player to do outside of the game itself. Although computer companies waged a private little war over the rights to this game, the game itself would always be generously and sensibly priced below what was asked for more complex titles.
Shanghai style games can be played for free online, and all variants are more or less identical to this earlier incarnation. Not as addictive or timeless as card and tile games that originated in the real world of the real living realm, Shanghai is nevertheless an enjoyable eccentricity, which would prove incredibly tedious and difficult to set up on a table, outside of the mathematical programs used by the Amiga to ensure the game can be played to a satisfying conclusion. Shanghai must be easy to duplicate, as shareware versions have existed from the start, but sits a little uncomfortably in a middle-ground between addictive, simplistic card/tile games and early arcade classics. It at least provides an alternative to Windows games to fill the unforgiving minutes.
Advantages: Cheap, and simple to understand in 1-player.
Disadvantages: No 2-player option, and a very simplistic package.
Anyone For Cyberpunk Air Hockey?
Written on 22.07.04
***
Anyone who has ever read any of my reviews ever may have formed the impression that I only like old things, preferably those released between my birth and when I was about nine, presumably as some kind of desire to hide within the confines of my youth to avoid facing the harsh reality of adult life until it is absolutely necessary. Don’t be silly, I’ve just never got into modern computer games: Shufflepuck Café is one of the only ‘sports’ games I’ve ever really enjoyed, combining the twin worlds of table air hockey and seedy sci-fi bars with weird, shifty aliens. Sounds like an immediate winner.
PREMISE & GAMEPLAY
The loading screen for this 1989 Ubi-Soft game features a dark alley lit by trademark cyberpunk purple neons before a blaring synthesised guitar riff erupts from the speakers (it was always fun to turn the volume up high on this bit). The café itself is patronised by bizarre creatures and couple of more familiar sights, all of which fancy themselves as table hockey champs, despite the fact that none of them can defeat Biff Rauch.
The game is two-dimensional and played from a first person perspective, looking across the slanted table at the opponent. The mouse controls the green paddle used to deflect or launch the puck within a confined area at the bottom of the table and that is, literally, it – a tally chart records the scores, reaching 15 before the end. Thankfully there are different game modes and practice options to extend the lifetime of this game:
PRACTICE ROBOT – You can’t help but love the look of all androids from the Star Wars decade, although this mode can easily be turned into a pointless waste of time. The robot’s difficulty level can be altered to a moderately competitive level or right down to him failing to even acknowledge the puck’s existence and literally acting his shoe size rather than this age (his shoe size effectively being zero as he has no legs). The player’s own paddle size and that of the robot can also be adjusted to ridiculous lengths, although filling the width of the screen with the stationary green paddle proves the expression that size isn’t everything.
FRIENDLY – The most enjoyable option, especially for a quick play, this can be accessed from the right-click menu during play or simply by selecting the desired opponent from the café screen. You soon learn the order of toughness:
• Skip Feeney – a weakling dweeb-type whose catch-phrase “good shot” each time he is beaten provides excellent comedy value (as do his chequered trousers)
• Visine Orb – a small green alien whose head is half-concealed in his jumper like that boy from the Bash Street Kids, but green. Relies on a diagonal bouncing tactic with his shots that would be more effective if he understood the idea of speed.
• Vinne the Dweeb – weird high school punk pig thing, barely worth mentioning.
• Lexan Smythe-Worthington – this cocktail-slurping tuxedo-donning drunkard with delusions of 007 is enjoyable in his anger, but is difficult to beat if the Amiga mouse starts acting up (ah, how often I enjoyed that sensation)
• The General – where it starts getting tough, this battle-hardened (probably) warthog is one of the most imposing players, but still isn’t too much of a challenge.
• Nerual Ttoille – some guy spent a few evenings really thinking about these characters didn’t he? Coming up with names, saying them aloud to himself, and the best he could come up with for his two-headed ghost character was Nerual Ttoille? At least this cloaked figure doesn’t cheat like some people… [No Dave, the joke's on you for not recognising a bleeding obvious anagram.]
• Princess Beijin – what’s going on with this telekinetic ho? [Urban Dave.] Every time she makes a serve she floats the puck and sends it flying speedily in a random direction, surely that’s against the rules or something? This is a player I’ve never been able to beat, not having the ability to change the rules myself, and who I hate. I never thought she was attractive either, the same way I never found Tyrus Flare in Golden Axe sexy – they’re only pixellated characters. Obviously well designed, but there’s no attraction.
• Biff Rauch – impossible, although obviously not. But he is hard with all his leather and hair, and his surname means ‘smoke’ in German. Not that that’s very relevant. The Germans would probably describe him as a Schrank.
CHAMPIONSHIP – This involves playing each character (apart from that ace robot) consecutively, although I have never reached the end. Presumably the board reading ‘Current champion: Biff Rauch’ will be replaced with a name the player can type in that will remain there forever for all to see. Until you reset the game and take the fickle floppy disk out that is.
VERDICT
Shufflepuck Café is fun, but limited – as such it was the type of game that sells quite well on its release (usually in a small box) before being combined with ‘ten-packs’ and other collections of games to bulk them out. This was where my family first got hold of it as part of the hit-and-miss ‘Astra Pack’: this was one of the hits and remained a favourite of the Amiga.
It’s obvious that the whole sci-fi bar concept has only been added to help sell the game, but these ‘dressing up’ tactics are still employed in all games today, something I see whenever my brother plays yet another 3D free-roaming platform game with a slightly different animal character running around and collecting coins or bananas. In some ways, Shufflepuck Café is Pong with different opponents, but this simple offering from the trusty Amiga has launched a metaphorical puck firmly into my literal heart and mind where it will stay forever. Don’t go out and buy it though.
Advantages: Fun and quick to play, Interesting and challengig opponents, Different game modes
Disadvantages: Very limited, Often frustrating to play, Just 'Pong' with aliens and stuff
Simon Says 'It's Not a Monkey Island Rip-Off'
Written on 16.10.05
*****
Ron Gilbert's SCUMM programming system revolutionised graphic adventure gaming in the early nineties, and resulted in his classic game 'The Secret of Monkey Island' becoming a best-seller and one of the most popular and beloved video games of all time.
Adventure Soft's 'Simon the Sorcerer,' coming along to Amiga and PC in 1994, added nothing new to the genre, but did present another opportunity for fans of graphic adventure games to spend their time getting lost in a fantastical, humorous, complicated and beautiful world.
PREMISE
Simon is fifteen and wants to be a wizard, like you do. Strangely he finds himself whisked to a fantasy world when he looks in a spell book or does something equally clichéd and familiar: basically, the player controls a developing human in an alien land. Simon knows the wizard Calypso, but at the beginning of the game finds his cottage deserted. Apart from a couple of oddly useful household items the wizard left lying around for any budding adventurer to stick in his inventory for a later date.
Conversations with the odd folk around the village indicate that the evil wizard Sordid is behind it, and that no adventurers who head to his Castle of Doom ever return. Simon wants to be a wizard in the same way that Guyrbush Threepwood (Monkey Island) wanted to be a pirate: he isn't very good at it, but gets by thanks to occasional brushes with luck and a brilliantly contrived system of objects and items that can be used together to further his progress through the world.
STYLE
The natural evolution of the early text-based MUD games, graphic adventure games (more casually known as 'point-n-click games') ditch the complicated keyboard interface in favour of the mouse. Gone are the confusing moments when the player has to rack his brain thinking of a verb to type, as the SCUMM system allows for a table of common verbs to be presented to the player on-screen at all times of gameplay, with commands such as 'walk,' 'open,' 'talk to' and 'look at.' Simon the Sorcerer lists nine actions in a lovely purple font, opting for the words rather than more clever-looking but ultimately confusing pictograms.
The majority of the screen is filled with the play area. The player can move anywhere the path takes him or her, and once they reach the edge, or some kind of entrance to elsewhere, play moves to another pre-rendered backdrop with interactive areas. Accompanying the table of actions is the inventory, which fills with items as Simon collects them during play.
Simon the Sorcerer is a British game, and proud of it. While the humour may not be to everyone's taste, it does have a distinctly English sarcasm and sense of parody almost throughout, aided of course by a few uses of "bugger" and "bloody hell." As a light-hearted fantasy adventure that doesn't take itself too seriously, this has an immediate fan base in the realm of something like Terry Pratchett or Douglas Adams, while the occasional references to Tolkein, fairy tales and folklore do require some knowledge of such fields for parts of the game to be fully appreciated.
GAMEPLAY
Simon the Sorcerer is fun, but it's slow, thoughtful, taxing fun as opposed to 'Sega Rally' fun. The player uses the mouse to control Simon's actions, only needing the keyboard when typing a name for the saved game or when desiring to pause the game (space bar) or skip a line of text (the full stop key). When clicking on an area of the screen, the action phrase that is currently highlighted will be performed: this is automatically set to 'Walk to,' meaning that clicking an area of path without selecting something from the verb bank will cause Simon to move around.
The verbs are all very simple and self-explanatory, and thankfully condense a game that could otherwise have been unnecessarily complicated. 'Look at' will give a description, sometimes very revealing, of an object on screen or in the inventory, while 'Talk to' and 'Give' require a human or creature on screen in order to work... well, with one or two exceptions. This is a fantasy world after all.
Some actions require two objects to be used together, such as 'Use.' These items can be within Simon's inventory (all stored in his pointy purple hat) or on the playing field. As with all games of this type, some actions are far less useful than others: there are only about three times when 'Wear' results in anything other than a sarcastic statement that Simon's sense of fashion dictates otherwise.
As an example of the way the game plays and progresses, Simon chances upon a ring that makes him invisible (the Tolkein influence is fairly prominent) and uses it to try and escape his imprisonment by goblins. Unfortunately the ring has become stuck and the Druid he finds being stretched on a rack refuses to speak to an unseen Devil, so Simon has to improvise. Having heard earlier that only the sight of the full moon can cause lycanthropic Druids to transform into their animal form, the player places a punctured bucket over the druid's head (politely asking "can I put this bucket on your head please?") and lights a taper, transforming the Druid to a frog that bounds away and returns several days later with a pair of keys.
GRAPHICS AND SOUND
This is the area in which Simon the Sorcerer excels. The lush forest backdrops, the dankness of castles and the fantastic character designs are all painted and rendered to a gorgeous high standard. The game is only 32-bit and still fairly blocky, but areas of the forest look almost real. And that's even without the beautiful melodic music that I am bent on finding as a soundtrack.
The Amiga version of the game doesn't feature any sound effects, the game already having to be stretched to nine floppy disks, but it compensates for the lack of speech with the best compression of the synthesised soundtrack available. The PC version, which is still available and has been updated for Windows XP use, fits on a CD and features an array of voice artists across the board from excellent to extremely shoddy, top of the list being Red Dwarf star Chris Barrie.
This is at a cost to the background music however, which plays as MIDI sounds and reminds me in its over-simplified mediocrity of what's being missed out.
VERDICT
Adventure games are pretty geeky and require a lot of patience, but this is one of the better examples. Frustrating at times, especially when Simon is revealed to be nothing more than the list of programmed responses that he is (for example, selecting 'Use: Stick' on something that the stick could theoretically solve will result in something along the lines of "I don't see the point" rather than a more natural "well I'll give it a go. No, sorry, wrong size. Good idea though.")
The map that allows instant travel to a number of different places across the game is an invaluable time saver, as the game is pretty big, while the save feature is clearly an absolute necessity in a game with such longevity. 'The Secret of Monkey Island' will always be the definitive graphic adventure, its hero zipping to and fro across an island before moving on to a new area he has to zip around for the rest of the game, and Simon tries to break out of this mould.
The excellent 'Beneath a Steel Sky' offers fewer than 30 rooms in total for the player, and expertly manages to make the game last around 10 hours in length and never seem tedious, but Simon attempts to have pretty much the entire game take place in the same vast area, apart from the minimal final part. There is also no direct sequencing of events, allowing for greater freedom, but there are obviously some constraints to what has to be done before other options are available.
The poorly contrived 'Simon the Sorcerer 2: The Lion, the Wizard and the Wardrobe' came out the following year, but its style and gameplay are vastly inferior to the original. 'Simon the Sorcerer 3-D' I have yet to play, but I think I'll steer clear of the weird cash-in 'Simon the Sorcerer Pinball.' Adventure Soft in an act of desperation there it seems.
With brilliant backdrops, great music and an addictive, simplistic plot, Simon the Sorcerer is an adventure game classic that is still readily available today. Sure, the main character has a bit of an attitude problem, but did Monkey Island have Rimmer voicing the lead character in very shoddy mid-nineties in-game voice recording quality? Suck on that, Guybrush!
The Classic Pinball Machine
Written on 17.04.04
*****
The key to longevity for a video game is originality and a high level of enjoyment, which is why PacMan and Space Invaders are still popular today. A breed of video game that isn?t seen so much any more is that of the pinball game, but the simplicity and fun of Amiga pinball releases means they can still be enjoyed by all generations today. Digital Illusions' 'Pinball Dreams' and 'Pinball Fantasies' were the most well-known, and developed the look and technique of the pinball machine for the home computer, but by far the most impressive was 'Slamtilt.'
THE GAME
Released in 1996, this game caught the tail-end of Amiga consumers as Microsoft's consoles [He means computers] became increasingly advanced and dominant in the market, but this also meant it had access to faster capabilities.
The basic layout of the game is identical to the tried and tested format of Digital Illusions' releases, but features much more realistic graphics, a greater variety of options and much more diversity. The player views the pinball table from directly above, rather than the slanted perspective often found in modern equivalents, and the screen scrolls up and down to track the ball.
CONTROLS
The game is controlled in the same way as a real pinball machine, but with keyboard keys in place of things to pull and click. The Amiga keyboard is laid out in an almost identical way to that of a modern PC, so it should be easy to understand.
F1 - F8 - These keys at the top of the keyboard are used once the desired table has loaded to select the number of players. People playing a lone might be tempted to press F8 for many more goes, but it's much more sensible to simply press F1; that way you don't lose track of where you are, and once you lose your third b all you just press F1 to begin anew.
ALT - Those keys to the left and right of the space bar that are always there but don't really do anything are used to control the left and right flippers. Pressing them also causes lit bonuses to alternate, which can be used to the player's advantage in completing light sequences.
RETURN - Also known as the big arrow button on the right, pressing this released the ball into the game. Only used at the start of the round.
SPACE - This is used on the start menus to select the options (with up and down keys) and to load the level. When used in play, this shakes the table; useful if the ball ever gets stuck, which has never happened to me in years of playing, but pressing it too many times causes a fatal TILT.
These are the only buttons needed to play the game. The Amiga had two 'Amiga' keys, each featuring an italicised 'A,' and these could be used to shake the table left and right as opposed to up and down. Again, quite pointless. The Amiga keys were located where Windows keys are commonly found, perhaps on your keyboard; why not pretend to play Slamtilt now for a few minutes? Just be careful not to tilt the game as it may bring up the Windows start menu.
TABLES & FEATURES
Despite excellent graphics, the only way the game can truly distinguish itself is through its choice of tables on which to play, and the features available on these tables. More than any other pinball game, all of these tables are excellent to play on, although everyone is bound to have their favourite.
TABLE 1: MEAN MACHINES
Fast-paced automobile carnage done in a tasteful way. The table bac kground is littered with car crashes, monster truck pictures and a large grey skull with an attitude, presumably. The music consists of some thrashy rock guitars which increase the adrenaline atmosphere, and the special rounds are all based around speed. As with all tables, 'Mean Machines' features a bonus round that is very different, and in this instance involves steering a race car using the flipper keys to avoid bends. This level is fun.
TABLE 2: THE PIRATE
Plenty of great multi-ball options and some fitting piratey music make this another fun board, but it does get tedious after a while. The common 'Shoot Ship' feature involves hitting a flipper when a cannon has a ship in its sight, the aim being to shoot the ship, quite clearly.
TABLE 3: ACE OF SPACE
The least enjoyable table, this still has its charm. The dark purple and blue prevent it from being very appealing, but it does have some great 'mission' options. Other than that, there is nothing remarkable about this sci-fi based board.
TABLE 4: NIGHT OF THE DEMON
My favourite table, this is based around a horror theme, with a comedy bent. Every time the ball hits a buffer, the score board flashes an animation of a man getting punched violently in the face, the repetition of which becomes very funny. Interesting sub-games for high scores include 'Gravehunter: Dig For Treasure (Or For Pleasure),' 'Attack of the Mega Mutant Meatball' and the very fun but impossible 'Wolfman,' which requires the flipper key to be smacked consecutively at very fast speeds. This also has a great horror-influenced soundtrack.
CODES
There are no cheat codes to advance the player's score, and it is genuinely difficult to hit the high score board, especially to beat the top two scores, but there are a couple of codewords that can be typed in when the table is loaded but play has not started:
SMILE - Creates a smily face for the ball
DRUNK - Creates a 'drunk ball' that no longer obeys the game's excellent gravity features, and hops around where it feels like it. Quite useless and hard.
RADIOCATIVE - Changes the colour scheme of the table and lights, often with nauseating results.
VERDICT
One of my favourite games of all time, there has not been a pinball game to match it in terms of sheer enjoyment. The sound, graphics and playability have all been accounted for with great effort, and the creators clearly had a good time designing the sub-games. This may be available for PC, but otherwise is only available for Amigans, as my Dad likes to call himself.
Advantages: Great graphics and sound, Diverse levels and options
Disadvantages: Can get tedious, 'Ace of Space' is disappointing, Highly addictive
The Spirit of '91
Written on 15.07.04
****
AD 1991 was perhaps the most influential and enjoyable year of my life, despite (or perhaps because of) the fact that I was six years old. I remember the summer holiday from school, my first of these annual events, being hot and very long while it was also the first time I went on a holiday that I could actually remember. But this isn’t a review of 1991 in general, that would be insane – this was also the year that Sega introduced the first game in the continuing Sonic the Hedgehog franchise to the MegaDrive public.
For some reason, Sonic 1 (as it unofficially became known among those who owned at least one of the sequels, but that Dooyoo seem content to officially name it) captures the spirit of that excellent year and makes it all the better. It’s a shame I didn’t play it until about 1993 but then again, I always was more of an Amigan.
PREMISE & GAMEPLAY
Sonic the Hedgehog was based on the fairly standard ‘fast-paced cool animal character platform game’ format and is surely the definitive example of this genre, much better than Crash Bandicoot and all that new rubbish. [An insurmountable five-year generation gap.] The player controlled the eponymous hedgehog who was blue and very fast, and who soon developed a cult following and thereby an ‘official’ backstory involving a speedometer explosion mutation. The same accident transformed the friendly and stupidly-named Doctor Ovi Kintobor into the evil, bloated and more appropriately named Doctor Ivo Robotnik. This nasty fat man proceeded to build himself a large mechanical base to produce robotic ‘badniks’ and use the tiny animal populace as living batteries.
This basically means that Sonic travels through a number of fairly random but enjoyably diverse levels to reach the final boss, destroying mechanical enemies along the way. Each level is littered with golden rings that can be picked up and act as an extra ‘hit’ point for the player while also allowing for further bonuses such as extra lives and entry to the Secret Zone. The two-dimensional levels conformed to a general ‘head to the right’ style but some involved large distances up and down that could add extra depth. Not real depth though, they weren’t clever enough to try this out yet.
CONTROLS
Sonic’s movements were fairly limited and controlled by the Sega MegaDrive joypad (or corresponding keyboard keys if you use a modern emulator). The ‘left’ and ‘right’ buttons on the [directional] D-pad move Sonic in those directions, the ‘up’ button looks upward and the ‘down’ makes Sonic duck and look downwards, both of which are largely unnecessary, although pressing down while Sonic was in motion would cause him to spin on the ground in order to kill some enemies or break boxes. The MegaDrive’s A, B and C buttons all performed the same ‘jump’ function, the easiest way to destroy enemies and break the monitor boxes to receive bonuses. Finally, the ‘start’ button paused the game when in play and began the game from the title screen.
The programmers occasionally make the player resort to different techniques by making some enemies invincible from the top side, therefore requiring a less effective ‘spin attack’ to be dispatched, but the gameplay was very straightforward. Heading eastwards, trying to stay as close to the top of level as possible to avoid the pits and knowing when to stop and wait meant that each level could be memorised after a couple of plays. It was still fun though.
THE ZONES
The style and order of levels on this game set the style for the four successors (Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Sonic 3, Sonic & Knuckles) in terms of beginning with a green and pleasant land, throwing in an underwater level for good measure and contrasting all of this with industrial techno horror. With the exception of the last areas, each ‘zone’ was divided into three ‘acts’ – acts one and two were of moderate to long length and ended once Sonic passed the spinning sign on the far right, while the third act hosted a brief bit of level leading up to a confrontation with Robotnik in one of his elaborate mechanical devices.
1. GREEN HILL ZONE
An uncomplicated level to begin with, Green Hill’s crab- and insect-based enemies and inexplicably chequered loop-de-loops became the backdrop of choice for virtually all Sonic merchandise thereafter. The waterfalls on this level were a nice touch and it served as an excellent, upbeat introduction that still featured several dangers such as spiked areas and some secrets in the shape of breakable walls.
Boss: Robotnik flies about in his craft, dangling a huge spinning ball and chain that completely fails to hit the player once they realise they can stand in each bottom corner.
2. MARBLE ZONE
This level is made automatically more dangerous through the addition of flowing lava covering a lot of the ground. These levels mainly take place underground in a mysterious, purple-walled structure and this level also features some of the most annoying enemies in the form of nimble bats and armoured Catterkillers.
Boss: Sonic has to leap between two platforms over some boiling lava to hit Robotnik as he flies about. The Doc also sprays fire on to the platforms sequentially.
3. SPRING YARD ZONE
Without a doubt the most irritating level with all its springs and bumpers bouncing Sonic around and seemingly endless rotating spiked balls to navigate around. The colour scheme of orange and purple is quite nice, but this is mainly a level to get over with quickly.
Boss: The only platforms are squares forming a floor, each of which can be removed by a spike on Robotnik’s flying machine thing. He can be hit when he descends, as long as Sonic doesn’t fall to his death.
4. LABYRINTH ZONE
An underwater level that isn’t based on the David Bowie film of the same name in any way. Large bubbles need to be inhaled every so often to provide oxygen and prevent Sonic from drowning, while there are also plenty of switches and alternate routes to be taken. This is a perilous and very enjoyable level that involves a lot of movement up and down as well as to the right.
Boss: Robotnik doesn’t actually do anything bad, he simply flies upwards. Sonic has to rush up a passage past dangerous obstacles, avoiding the rising water, and the Doc flies off crying at the end. Very hard, if a little disappointing.
5. STARLIGHT ZONE
This relaxing level is based on a cityscape which moves from clearly defined buildings at the lowest points, a suggestion that the player should move upwards away from the pits, to the night sky at the top. Plenty of invincible enemies that either kill themselves or protect themselves far too well, but this isn’t as difficult as the previous level.
Boss: Three see-saws. Robotnik drops spiked balls on each one in turn. Bounce them onto him. Easy.
6. SCRAP BRAIN ZONE
The last proper level and also the hardest, based in Robotnik’s mechanical factory I assume. Rotating circular saws, electric shocks and trapdoors compliment the enemies here in making it even more difficult to survive until the third level, which is based on the style of Labyrinth but with silver platforms and purple water. A set of springs provide an exit to the final showdown…
7. FINAL ZONE
The easiest level on the game and a very disappointing fight with Robotnik, but it’s still the level everyone skipped to once they learned (or guessed) the level select cheat. Four crushing devices press down in turn and are incredibly easy to avoid – occasionally Robotnik will be in one and can be hit. Game over.
SECRET ZONE
If the player collects at least fifty rings when they reach the end of a level with a spinning post (acts 1 and 2 of every zone), they can jump into a large rotating ring and enter the weird Secret Zone. There are six of these and they boast increasing difficulty in reaching the target, the chaos emeralds at the end. The only difference in completing the game with all six emeralds is a different end sequence, although later games would introduce more incentive to catch ‘em all.
VERDICT
I consider this an all-time classic game and I still play it often, both on the Sega MegDrive system and the excellent ‘Gens’ emulator on my computer. This game is fast, happy and fun and contains some excellent music in its 16-bit capabilities, some of which reminds me of guitar solos on Metallica’s classic black album (also released in 1991). The sequels on the MegaDrive were better programmed and more diverse in terms of the number of levels, their size and the option to play as different characters, but this is still my favourite through its simplicity.
Yuji Naka’s creation of the blue hedgehog “with attitude” (a personality trait that doesn’t exactly shine through on this game, except when Sonic is left stationary for a while and begins tapping his foot impatiently) captured the imaginations of many young console owners and provided effective competition to Nintendo’s ‘Super Mario.’ Of course Sega were eventually buried by Sony and Nintendo and the recent games ‘Sonic Heroes’ and ‘Sonic Advance’ have been released on Nintendo’s GameBoy Advance and GameCube respectively. How they long for the glory days of ‘91…
Advantages: Fun, fast and colourful, Great synthesised music, Loads of replay value
Disadvantages: Not completely original, Levels and enemies are very similar in principle
TILT
Written on 09.10.05
*
The second Sonic the Hedgehog game to be released was not 'Sonic the Hedgehog 2' like you thought, oh no. Nor was it 'Sonic CD,' produced for Sega's disappointingly unpopular Mega CD console. The successor to one of the best-selling video games in history is, in fact, a rather shoddy pinball outing that offers as much to those who love the original game as War of the Worlds fans will get from 'Biker Mice From Mars.'
PREMISE
As would be expected from a franchise cash-in like this, there is a skimpy plot that tries to contrive and explain the shift from platform game to pinball machine emulator. Doctor Robotnik has constructed a Veg-O-Fortress on a volcanic island, for some reason, and Sonic has spun into action to take it down level by pinball-machine-based level, smashing robotic badniks along the way.
Forget what it says in the manual, the creators of the Sonic games had clearly noticed a cheap way to sell more game cartridges before the hotly anticipated 'Sonic the Hedgehog 2' was slated to be released. Sections of the original Sonic game involved treating the spinning hedgehog as a powerful, destructive ball and it was an easy move to bring in less accomplished game developers to knock this thing together.
GAMEPLAY
Sonic Spinball is divided into several different areas that basically correspond to different tables. Unlike most pinball games, the tables have to be played in order - due to the tedious time it takes to 'complete' a level, and the fiddly difficulty of some of the end-of-stage bosses, some of the later ones may never be reached. This style also makes the idea of score, the driving force behind re-playing pinball machines, somewhat irrelevant aside from achieving extra lives at intervals.
For those who have played pinball video games before, the controls are similar but simplified for the three-button MegaDrive joypad. As with all Sonic games, the A, B and C buttons perform the same function, meaning that both left and right flippers are pressed simultaneously when Sonic is on them. The blue hedgehog can also be controlled in a similar way to the regular Sonic games, in which he walks, for very limited periods - these act only to highlight how different this is from what fans would expect of a Sonic game. There is a four player option, but again disappointingly this only involves handing the control pad over after each individual, lengthy turn.
The only feature that is different from a normal pinball game is that the ball, Sonic, can be controlled independently when in flight. Holding the left or right button swings him a little in that direction and he can even jump and launch off surfaces when the gradient is low enough. Falling between the flippers can cause death, unless the player is higher up in the stage or manages to land in a boat.
Enemies are present, but basically act as bumpers that need to be hit a few times to be dispatched, but that can hurt you if you're careless. Sonic trademarks such as collectable golden rings and the mighty chaos emeralds have also been shamelessly and pointlessly included in a failed attempt to keep continuity.
GRAPHICS AND SOUND
Despite the official-looking cover artwork and 'Sega' logo, this is far from the quality of more canonical Sonic games. Am I taking this nostalgic loyalty thing too seriously? Possibly, but this game looks bad. Sonic is short and squatty, the look of the enemies, backgrounds and obstacles bear no relation to any other Sonic game and even Robotnik has inexplicably increased in size. Gone are the impressive multi-layered backdrops, making this a more claustrophobic experience.
The music also has no coherence to the Sonic series, the repetitive 16-bit scores sounding unmemorable and unskilled, dissimilar to any other low budget console production and even lacking the trademark theme music. The sound effects become incredibly annoying after a time, especially the medium-pitched jumping noise and the sound of bumpers and enemies getting hit, but this is more a limitation of the time than the fault of the sound team. Bumbling oafs though they are.
VERDICT
Even in its own right, away from the weirdly loyal Sonic fan base, 'Sonic Spinball' is an unimpressive game. 16-bit video pinball was accomplished excellently by Digital Illusions with their 'Pinball Dreams' and 'Pinball Fantasies' releases for home computers of the time, perfected in the 32-bit 'Slamtilt' which remains one of my favourite and most played games of all time. Spinball tries to combine limited platform game action with pinball fun and an attempted plot or journey between tables, and none of this works well together. The only thing in its favour is that it wasn't a spin-off of the really terrible 'Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog' cartoon series like the unplayable Tetrisesque 'Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine' released a couple of years later.
Sonic fans should avoid, as should anyone looking for a fun and involving game. If it's the only pinball simulator on offer then it could waste some of your precious life's minutes, which is always a little fun.
Let's be realistic. It's 2005 - it's easy to avoid this outdated 1992 game. Do.
This Time It's Similar. There is a fox though.
Written on 10.09.04
**** [What does it take to please this guy? Bringing incalculable childhood joy clearly doesn't cut it.]
The 1991 Sega MegaDrive sensation ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ was so successful and popular, rapidly rising as it did to become the biggest selling video game in Sega’s history, that commenting on the inevitability of a not-very-long-awaited sequel would be so unnecessary as to deserve a real-life Sonic spin attack, but with a metal buzzsaw rather than the blue spines of a cute but angsty hedgehog. The style and format of ‘Sonic the Hedgehog 2’ is essentially a continuation of that in Sonic 1, with refinements and improvements resulting in a slightly better and equally popular pre-Christmas release for 1992’s metaphorically hedgehog-hungry public.
TWO
The most elementary improvement in Sonic 2 was the addition of a two-player mode, necessitating the introduction of a companion character to play along Sonic. Enter the twin-tailed fox Miles Prower, or ‘Tails’ as he is better known. The one player mode automatically pairs the Sonic and Tails team, the player controlling Sonic and the Sega attempting to put the background fox character to use. Entering the options screen allows the player to choose gameplay with ‘Sonic and Tails,’ ‘Sonic Alone’ or ‘Tails Alone,’ and at this stage in the evolution of the franchise the differences are purely aesthetic: despite the storyline and differing physical traits of the duo, both characters run at the same speed, possess the same power and cannot fly.
The two player mode is separate from the main game, and involves both playing racing against each other in split screen renditions of several zones from the game to cross the finishing goal fastest. This is not the most original or compelling two player option developed by Sega, and despite a couple of fun touches such as teleporters and speed boosts, it feels like it has been added on purely to improve sales.
There is a very limited two player capability in the main game also, as pressing buttons on the second joypad hands control of Tails to the player, but this control is always short-lived and disappointing – Tails is a background character who cannot break boxes or control the movement of the screen, and once Sonic speeds ahead or leaps backwards it’s up to the MegaDrive to reset the character and fly him back in. The only benefit of Tails’ presence is that the invincible fox can occasionally act as a hairy shield.
GAMEPLAY
Once again, Sonic (and/or Tails) must race across a variety of landscapes, destroying the robotic creations of Doctor Ivo Robotnik in which the mammalian, aquatic and avian citizens of Mobius are being held as organic batteries. A confrontation with Robotnik occurs at the end of each level, aside from the final quarter of the game, but rather than having a third act of each zone dedicated to the boss fight, Robotnik is located at the climax of the second act in Sonic 2’s first eight zones.
• Emerald Hill – the usual idyllic opener, the perfect introduction to the gameplay
• Chemical Plant – a mechanical nightmare of toxic liquids and metal
• Aquatic Ruin – a lush forested paradise with underwater areas and ancient booby traps
• Casino Night – an irritating casino-style level where rings can be used as currency
• Hill Top – an Alpine landscape with perilous drops and sporadic earthquakes
• Mystic Cave – dark, dank and purple, with plenty of spikes
• Oil Ocean – tedious and large, without enough interesting things to fill the space. Slippy
• Metropolis – an immense and complex city filled with Robotnik’s machinations and funky music
• Sky Chase – Sonic and Tails take to the skies on a little red biplane, bopping badniks
• Wing Fortress – although Sonic must inhale air bubbles on the water levels, he has no trouble surviving in space
• Death Egg – the final showdown with Robotnik, as well as a robotic version of the hedgehog
The controls conform perfectly to the Sega joypad to make it easy for newcomers to grasp the gameplay: left and right move the character in those directions, while up and down can be used to peer up or down the screen respectively. Despite the three action buttons on the standard MegaDrive joypad (labelled A, B and C), pressing any of these will result in the same function. Enemies can be destroyed by bouncing on top of them or spinning through them with the new spin-dash ability (‘down’ plus any action button), while collecting rings and an energy shield will provide further protection to the player from enemies.
The special stage is interesting, but becomes very difficult after a while. Sonic (and/or Tails) race down a twisting half-pipe in less-than-glorious 3D, collecting rings and watching out for surprise appearances by bombs. This is fun, but collecting those chaos emeralds becomes very difficult.
GRAPHICS & SOUND
The 16-bit capabilities of the MegaDrive console resulted in improved graphics every subsequent year, even leading to an attempted three-dimensional style in the disappointing ‘Sonic 3D,’ but Sonic 2’s graphics were never intended to impress. They have advanced from the first game only in terms of a slightly different artistic style, and the addition of shading and lighting effects to the characters.
The game music is again nothing extraordinary, but each stage features a distinctive and relevant score to add to the experience – the Emerald Hill theme is upbeat and catchy, Mystic Cave is eerie and menacing and Sky Chase is overblown with synthesised horns.
VERDICT
Sonic 2 was not revolutionary, and was intended merely to continue Sega’s success with platform games by maintaining a high quality standard. Tails was the first in a long line of additional characters to enter the Sonic universe over the following decade and beyond, although players may have been disappointed when they discovered that his eponymous tails were of no real use in this game – that would be remedied the following year in the imaginatively titled ‘Sonic 3.’
The Sonic games were intended to be fast, fun and reasonably difficult, without the extra depth of competing series such as Nintendo’s Super Mario and Zelda, but they possess enormous replay value: I still shove in the Sonic 2 cartridge when I feel like a fast-paced arcade romp, although I never play as Tails. There may be no physical difference between the characters whatsoever, but he’s still an idiot.
Twelve Years Too Late: Sonic 2 Cheat Codes
Anyone who still enjoys playing Sonic 2 will undoubtedly already know these cheat codes – twelve years of beginning at Emerald Hill every time would surely have sent me to some form of asylum – but here they are anyway. The numbers can be entered by pressing the B or C buttons on the sound test section of the options screen.
Level Select: 19, 65, 09, 17
Super Sonic: 04, 01, 02, 06 (from the level select screen)
Debug Mode: 01, 09, 09, 02, 01, 01, 02, 04 (from the level select screen)
Cutting edge stuff.
Advantages: Simple fun and a cheap thrill, Varied levels and nice graphics, Hidden discoveries
Disadvantages: Tails is disappointingly useless, Two-player mode isn't up to scratch, Nothing original
The Floating Island
Written on 24.06.04
****
Dropping the now-unnecessary ‘The Hedgehog’ from the title (a quick glance at the over-perspectived blue animal on the cover clearly shows that the game deals with some kind of mammal), Sega released a not-very-long-awaited successor to the not-very-long-awaited sequel to the original platform game Sonic the Hedgehog, the game that, while not being particularly revolutionary, spearheaded Sega into the home computer game market.
With this game, Sega decided to venture a little bit into ‘roleplaying’ territory; being a Sonic game it still mainly involved rushing through levels and bopping robotic enemies to fight Doctor Robotnik in some crazy contraption at the end, but a few well thought-out touches were made to ensure this would not simply be a re-hashing of the previous games, as successful as they were. This time the levels are much larger and involve travelling up and down to access areas instead of simply heading to the right. A storyline was also introduced to run into the next game and this was, for the most part, successful.
STORY
At the end of Sonic 2, Sonic the Hedgehog and his clearly-worse companion Miles ‘Tails’ Prower defeated Doctor Ivo Robotnik in his Death Egg spacecraft, a craft that was almost exactly like the Death Star from 1977’s ‘Star Wars’ but had Robotnik’s face on the front to make it somehow different and evading any copyright infringement. The duo assumed he was dead, or at least unable to pose a threat to Mobius any longer, but unknown to them his escape pod crashed on the Floating Island, a legendary landmass that flies in the sky. Robotnik befriends the island’s sole occupant, a pink echidna named Knuckles, and pours word pestilence into his ear regarding Sonic and Tails. Now with Knuckles on his side, Robotnik sets about constructing a base from which to build and launch his second Death Egg.
A bit like the Empire constructing a second Death Star in ‘Return of the Jedi,’ but it’s different as it has Robotnik’s face on it again.
ZONES
The change in location from Mobius to the Floating Island doesn’t have much of an impact at this stage, as there is the usual mix of idyllic countryside, industrial chaos and harshly elemental stages.
1. ANGEL ISLAND ZONE
A short intro animation sees Sonic (in SuperSonic form thanks to the Chaos Emeralds discovered in Sonic 2) and Tails flying towards the new landmass, when a spiked fist knocks Sonic’s emeralds from him. It is Knuckles, as you would know if you’d bothered reading the introduction. The first half of stage one occurs in this huge tropical paradise, featuring waterfalls, breakable walls and some pleasant steel drum-esque music infiltrating the traditional Sega score before one of Robotnik’s machines flies down and torches the place. The remainder of the time is spent in a desecrated version of the level before a fight with Robotnik plunges you into the depths…
2. HYDROCITY ZONE
The trademark underwater level on which huge air bubbles are necessary for survival, this thankfully takes a different spin on the format established with Sonic 1’s ‘Labyrinth Zone’ and Sonic 2’s ‘Aquatic Zone’ by situating everything in an ancient, ruined city that has been flooded. These levels involve travelling upwards and downwards as much as left and right, and as such are fairly hard and enjoyable.
3. MARBLE GARDEN ZONE
Although these levels look fantastic and are very varied, I became bored with them over time. Located outdoors again, but this time in a large area that I could only really describe as a ‘marble garden,’ ancient stone ruins covered with flourishing plant life. There are plenty of dangers to be found though, as this complex is fairly self-contained and there are a number of traps left behind by the island’s dwellers that are now being manipulated by Robotnik. What a get.
4. CARNIVAL NIGHT ZONE
My least favourite level as it’s basically bloody annoying. The night time fairground theme is a change from the other levels but not a particularly welcome one, especially as most of the enemies are hard to hit and there are too many traps to be passed. It does make a change though, and is different enough not to seem simply ‘bulk’ to diversify the game.
5. ICE CAP ZONE
An excellent level with fantastic atmosphere, as expected this is a frozen ‘zone,’ although I’m clueless as to how a small island could support such radically different terrain. The levels mainly involve traversing ice caves with deadly frozen water and some nice touches such as the ‘monitor boxes’ Sonic breaks being covered with a breakable ice layer. The bosses are both situated outside however, and there’s some nice perspective work going on to make the floating ice sheets in the background look three dimensional. The music’s nice here as well.
6. LAUNCH BASE ZONE
The final stage, this is different from the others as it is entirely man-made and not natural to the island; Robotnik has constructed this large base to build his new Death Egg. Constructed it by himself. And included a lot of convenient ways for his enemies to infiltrate the important areas. The yellowish colour scheme is quite a nice touch, and there are even some brief underwater sections to keep the diversity. At the end of this stage, Sonic pushes Knuckles into the water (that is a fight for another day) and proceeds to the launching Death Egg to teach Robotnik a lesson about making his ultimate base more secure.
GAMEPLAY
The Sega joypad is again used to control this game in the expected way: left and right move Sonic or Tails in those directions, up causes them to look upwards and down to look downwards, while the A, B and C buttons each conduct the same function of making the characters jump. Double-pressing a jump button causes Tails to fly briefly, making him the ideal character for young people to love playing before they realise that his more all-round traits make him the least enjoyable option, and allow Sonic to energise a split-second force-field.
The game is still based on the system established in the debut: Sonic (or Tails) collect rings and break open monitor boxes to earn power ups and receive energy shields, however these are based on fire, water and electricity this time round and each have their advantages. Sans shield and sans ring makes any enemy’s touch deadly, although these can be easily dispatched by jumping on or spinning through them.
Entering a starpost with fifty or more rings takes Sonic (or Tails) to the special stage, a three dimensional environment in which the player has to ‘collect’ blue spheres and avoid red spheres to obtain the elusive Chaos Emeralds.
VERDICT
I was a huge fan of the Sonic series, as may be obvious by my ability to recall the rather flimsy storyline, and this was indeed an impressive attempt to expand the franchise… slightly. The level designs are excellent and diverse enough to encourage repeated plays, and this game works even better when combined with Sonic & Knuckles; see my review on that game if you’re interested. The level of detail in the graphics is better than before, especially notable in the backgrounds and the new looks for Sonic and Tails, while the music is easily distinguishable and interesting – most notable is Knuckles’ spooky theme (replaced by a less intimidating banjo theme in the next game when he changes allegiance to the side of the good guys) and the funky theme of the ‘Launch Base Zone.’
The option to save the game caused mixed reactions, and it seemed mainly a way for Sega to show off their improving abilities in cartridge memory features. It means you can at least save your completed games with the chaos emeralds all collected in order to play through with ‘Super Sonic,’ but it also takes away some of the challenge that was present in the previous games. Either way, Sonic 3 will take you longer to complete due to its huge levels.
As long as you own the game originally (I believe this is the requirement, but you could always just pretend), this game along with many others can be downloaded on a MegaDrive emulator for the PC. Personally I use the Gens emulator which can be easily downloaded and played straight off, but as this requires the keyboard I still enjoy sticking the original cartridge in the MegaDrive and playing it the way God, and more appropriately Yuji Naka the Sonic creator, intended.
Advantages: Great graphics and sound, Interesting evolution of the game, Special zones add some variety
Disadvantages: Save option makes it a little easy, Similar to the first two games
Enter the Echidna
Written on 14.06.04
****
Sega MegaDrive owners didn’t have to wait long for the fourth Sonic release, a game that received even greater publicity than the previous, highly popular releases. Based on a very similar format to the third Sonic game, and using many of the exact same graphic engines and level designs, this was designed as a second half to that game’s storyline and events. As with all Sonic games, it was also very fun and very fast.
PLOT
At the end of Sonic 2, Sonic the Hedgehog and Miles ‘Tails’ Prower (miles per hour, do you see?) defeated the evil Doctor Robotnik inside his huge space station, the copyright-infringing Death Egg. Instead of plummeting to his death, Robotnik landed on the legendary Floating Island in the sky. Befriending the island’s sole inhabitant, an echidna named Knuckles (surely you know what an echidna is, you idiot?) due to his mean fist-spikes, Robotnik informed him that the evil Sonic the Hedgehog was a powerful dictator who used the animals of the planet below to power his machines. What Robotnik was doing there was lying to Knuckles; I know that may have seemed obvious and pedantic to say, but these things have to be made clear.
Robotnik stole the island’s Chaos Emeralds, the mysterious jewels that kept it afloat, and the Floating Island fell down to the sea of Mobius where it still floated, only on water instead of in the sky, if you see. At the start of Sonic 3, Sonic and Tails are messing around a little irresponsibly with their plane and come across a new landmass they had not seen before. It is the Floating Island, as you had obviously guessed. Throughout the six zones of that game, Sonic and Tails went after Robotnik and were continuously put off by Knuckles: they eventually destroyed the rebuilt Death Egg and were happy, assuming you completed it. It wasn’t that hard.
Fortunately for Robotnik, his Death Egg landed right on top of a volcano where it could be easily repaired. Will Knuckles learn the truth about Robotnik when he attempts to steal the Master emerald? (Yes) Will he join forces with Sonic eventually? (Obviously) Can you play as either Sonic or Knuckles in this game? (Yes, but Sonic’s game is better) Can you play as Tails? (No, thankfully. He is rubbish)
THE SPECIAL CARTRIDGE
The most talked about feature of this game prior to its release was its revolutionary method of expanding gameplay: in the top of the game cartridge was a slot into which another game cartridge could be fitted. This was designed specifically to allow the previous three games in the Sonic series to be plugged in, but it was at least an innovative idea. An idea that never took off though. The introduction of Sony’s PlayStation meant that Sega had to offer more to appeal to the average gamer than a fancy extra slot on a cartridge, although granted the Sega Saturn console wasn’t much more impressive.
This cartridge slot was incredibly beneficial to the Sonic playing experience though, as Sonic 3 had been designed with this feature in mind. By combining these two games, players were able to play through every level of Sonic 3 and Sonic & Knuckles in a 32-bit adventure, achieving greater bonuses throughout and also having the opportunity to save the game.
I still wish Sega had produced more of these top-slot cartridges though, especially if they could be continuously added until a flimsy five-metre tower powered the greatest game known to man. It’s probably for the best though, as that idea is incredibly stupid and clearly not possible.
• Sonic & Knuckles + Sonic 3 = ‘Sonic 3 & Knuckles’: the combination of all Sonic 3 and Sonic & Knuckles levels that can be played through using any of the characters. Also has a save function.
• Sonic & Knuckles + Sonic the Hedgehog 2 = ‘Knuckles the Echidna in Sonic the Hedgehog 2’: All the levels of Sonic 2, but with Knuckles as the character. Very fun for people bored with the original game, although it’s nothing too special as nothing new is added.
• Sonic & Knuckles + Sonic the Hedgehog (1) = ‘No Way’: The characters from the games appear on the screen with the cheerful sign ‘No Way!’ However, pressing the A,B and C buttons allow access to levels based on the Sonic 3 special stages, which can be played in order and are very hard. But no, Knuckles cannot be played in Sonic 1.
• Sonic & Knuckles + any other MegaDrive game: This will either not work at all, bringing up a black screen, or it will give a ‘No Way’ screen that leads to randomly generated bonus levels as mentioned above.
GAMEPLAY
There are six further zones in this game, similar to those in Sonic 3 but a little more interesting. The game is again based on travelling in a generally right direction and features bosses at the end of each stage.
1. MUSHROOM HILL ZONE
Quite a pleasant countryside environment, littered with huge bouncy mushrooms and plenty of secret openings to ring portals. The first levels on Sonic games were always pleasant and grassy, and this is no exception.
2. FLYING BATTERY ZONE
Robotnik’s airship is the focus of this stage, although I still don’t understand why he’d fill the interior with so many useful passages to its main sections. It’s almost as if he expected company.
3. SANDOPOLIS ZONE
A long-overdue Egyptian themed level. The first stage takes place outside in a nice looking desert environment, while the second occurs within the Sandopolis pyramid itself. Very interesting and aesthetically pleasing.
4. LAVA REEF ZONE
Inside the volcano on the way to Robotnik’s Death Egg, Sonic’s path through is much more complex than the easy routes offered to Knuckles. He is the island’s guardian after all. A fire shield is pretty essential for most of this zone.
5. HIDDEN PALACE ZONE
Short and mainly a piece of storyline, this is where Sonic and Knuckles become allies. No enemies apart from some spikes.
6. SKY SANCTUARY ZONE
For Knuckles, this is the last level and involves fighting a robotic Sonic. For the blue hedgehog himself, this is a treacherous path upwards to the Death Egg in which several old bosses come back to haunt long-time Sonic players.
7. DEATH EGG ZONE
This level, set inside the huge Death Star – sorry, Egg I mean – and outside in space, is a fitting end to the game. It can only be played by Sonic (or Tails if you’ve been playing the Sonic 3 plug-in) and the final ensemble of bosses is the hardest part of the game.
8. THE DOOMSDAY ZONE
Only accessible if the player has found all the chaos emeralds or super emeralds, this sees Super Sonic or Hyper Sonic (depending on your emeralds) flying through space to catch up with Robotnik and save the Master Emerald to access the true ending of the game and get the Floating Island back to the sky.
GRAPHICS & SOUND
The graphics on this game are in the same style as Sonic 3 and are very detailed for a 16-bit game, a big step from those of the first Sonic game in 1991. Everything is discernible and looks nice, while the musical score is interesting, catchy and very memorable. Sound effects are clever and appropriate, but nothing special; there are still no voices or written dialogue on the game, as it is essentially a straightforward platformer.
VERDICT
I was a huge Sonic fan in the mid-90s: I collected the official comics by Fleetway, I bought the adventure game books and I even had the MegaDrive games. These were best though.
Sonic & Knuckles is basically ‘Sonic 3 part II’ and this is prominent in every aspect of the game, but in some ways it is an improvement. The save feature made Sonic 3 far too easy to complete and this game does not have one, unless of course it is played in conjunction with Sonic 3. ‘Sonic 3 & Knuckles’ was the Sonic game I played the most as it was, for once, a large-scale Sonic game that took a while to complete. Sonic’s game was the most interesting, however playing as Knuckles, with his glide ability and wall-climbing skills, was fun at first.
Sonic & Knuckles can be bought at low prices for the MegaDrive, if you still have one, however there are several good MegaDrive emulators that can be downloaded. ‘Gens’ is the one I would recommend, and I recently downloaded a ROM of ‘Sonic 3 & Knuckles.’ I still prefer to play it on the MegaDrive though: those were the days.
Advantages: Very fast and fun, more so than previous games, Involving storyline and great level designs, Cartridge slot is interesting, if a bit of a failed premise
Disadvantages: Nothing too original after Sonic 3
Bad Idea Sega
Written on 03.04.04
*
In the Clash of the Titans that was the 16-Bit Console Wars between the Super Nintendo and the Sega MegaDrive, the need to innovate new games to attract the public became increasingly important. In 1995 it was evident that Sony were going to release their powerful Playstation console very soon and Sega decided to try one final outing for their iconic blue hedgehog. The plan was to attract even more people to the MegaDrive with a groundbreaking three-dimensional game like none seen before. Unfortunately, being the arbiters of bad decisions from this point right through to the collapse pf their Dreamcast console in 2000, Sega instead brought out a very rubbish, boring and tedious game unimaginatively titled 'Sonic 3D.'
The previous Sonic games, namely 1991's Sonic the Hedgehog, 1992's Sonic 2, 1993's Sonic 3 and 1994's Sonic & Knuckles - not Sonic 4 like you all thought - had been based on the platform game format in which a character could proceed left and right, up and down through increasingly large and impressive levels. I could go into detail about the storylines, settings and motivations behind the characters (I actually could as I have issues 21-100 of Sonic the Comic in the loft somewhere) but I'm going to spare you this. Let's just say, the completely separate storyline of Sonic 3D makes Mr. Creosote's "wafer thin" mint look like a lasagne.
THE GAME
To start with, Sonic 3D is not properly three-dimensional, it is instead based on an isometric 'aerial view' upon the action. The first properly 3D Sonic game, 'Sonic R,' came out on the Sega Saturn before they finally got it right with the Dreamcast's 'Sonic Adventure.' This downward view makes everything in the game far more complex than it needs to be, as it is very frustrating trying to judge how far the spinning ball that is your character will travel if you press 'up.' This makes every single aspect of the game very annoying.
PLOT
There is a small island on Sonic's world where the evil Doctor Robotnik has returned to his evil ways of imprisoning the native animals inside his robotic badniks as living batteries. He presumably thought he would succeed this time round, despite having been beaten consecutive times by the blue hedgehog in the previous games, the comics and that awful cartoon series. The native animals are birds called 'Flickies,' which have the power to open dimensional portals or... something. Anyway, once wind gets down Sonic's neck of the woods, the blue hedgehog with "attitude" heads there to stop him, without the company of his friends this time.
LEVELS
Sonic games had always featured a variety of locations, from volcanoes and submerged labyrinths to grassy mountains and cybernetic metropolises (that is a word). Sonic 3D starts with the relatively pastoral 'Green Grove Zone,' which features nice waterfalls and a chequered floor throughout the level, but once you arrive in the second zone it becomes clear that the chequered floor is present on every single level, just in a different colour. Talk about unimaginative! No amount of ice sheets or flaming craters in the corners are going to fool me into thinking I'm playing different levels with different experiences; at least in the older games I was believably deceived, and I enjoyed it. Robotnik's contraptions at the end of each level are also very badly designed and all work on the principle that he's a little too high for you to reach, so you have to wait for him to foolishly drop something on the floor that you can use to boost your height. Pathetic.
CONTROLS
The controls are as expected on the MegaDrive joypad: up, down, left and right move Sonic in those directions. The A and C buttons make him jump, while pressing B performs the 'spin dash' move that can destroy the enemies as well. Rest assured, anyone playing this game will spend a lot of time angrily moving their fingers right around the directional pad as they try and get Sonic onto that platform.
OVERALL
Sonic 3D was not a success, and doesn't deserve to be; the new format completely ruined the point of the game and made it feel very restricting, and the levels are all basically identical. I'm not sure why Sega decided it would be a good idea to release this, which clearly pales in comparison to Donkey Kong Country and other Super Nintendo games of the time in terms of graphics and playability, but they can't let sleeping 'hogs lie. Nowadays I only play old games to relive the fun times and let me tell you my friends, this ain't no fist of fun. [Meaningless Lee and Herring reference.]
Advantages: None that I can see- devoted Sonic fans will feel the need to buy it
Disadvantages: Difficult to control, Very poor level designs, Uninteresting story in comparison to previous games
Sonic's Latest Adventure
Written on 01.07.00 [One of my earliest reviews at the start of my freelance writing career, written when I was 14. Four years younger than the age requirement to actually earn money on the site, but they didn't have to know]
*****
Probably the pilot game of the Dreamcast [Knowledgeable from the onset], Sonic Adventure is by far one of my favourite games. [I'd hardly even played it, it was my brothers' thing. Why did I think this was required?] The graphics are incredible as is the sheer speed of the game, and there's a great story. ['Great' count: 1]
You can play as many characters which is great [2], and each one has a different story and original levels. Sonic's game has the most levels, while Big the Cat's levels revolve around fishing and can get tedious. The levels incorporate many types of game, most notably driving games [Don't need any other examples], and are very fast paced. [You already said that.]
The music is great [3], as are the graphics. [That's those subjects dealt with!] This is certainly going to be a hard game to beat, and I only hope the upcoming Sonic Adventure 2 manages to improve on an almost flawless game. [Have I hit the minimum word count yet?]
Borg? Sounds Swedish [Star Trek reference, obv]
Written on 07.08.06
**
The success of ‘Star Trek: Klingon,’ a PC game that effectively played as an interactive movie with insights into Klingon culture, led to an immediate sequel focusing on the far less interesting Borg, the organic Daleks/Cybermen/zombies of the Star Trek universe. Produced in 1995 but released in 1996, ‘Star Trek: Borg’ arrived at just the right time to cash in on the increased popularity of the villains after their appearance in the ‘First Contact’ feature film. Unfortunately for the producers, the new-look Borg and Federation of the film pretty much invalidated the now-archaic realism that was attempted by using genuine TV sets and recognisable actors.
An interactive movie, ‘Borg’ plays out like a first-person TV episode, which should be every fan’s dream come true. The restrictions of the format mean that your character’s name, appearance and attributes are all selected for you, but this at least allows for a quick start to the game. Characters all stare directly down the digital camera lens to talk to the player, and every so often a decision point is reached: the action remains reasonably static and a Borg cube mouse cursor icon appears, which must be used by the player to make a decision on screen to affect progress. That’s pretty much the game.
The cube icon appears on screen for an allotted time, somewhere in the region of ten seconds, and in every instance there are at least two, but as many as ten options available for selection (especially evident when selecting numbers from a keypad). The player can only make one selection, but – and this is important – failure to act also counts as a decision. This mostly leads to disaster, but there are two instances in the game where deliberate procrastination is the correct solution. The game can be paused at any time, causing a small Starfleet tricorder to appear as the mouse cursor. Data on key areas of the frozen game screen can be accessed this way, something that again proves invaluable on a couple of rare occasions.
The player controls the actions of Starfleet Academy cadet Qaylan Furlong, informed by his commanding officer that the Borg have invaded Federation space a second time (further indicating that the events of ‘Star Trek: First Contact’ were entirely unknown at the time of production.) Furlong’s father was killed in the first Borg attack ten years previously at Wolf 359 (you know, when Picard was assimilated and became Locutus of Borg. I’ve lost you, haven’t I? I have wasted my life). Furlowe’s pain is still strong, but fortunately the mischievous omnipotent alien Q appears and offers a chance to put things right in the past, just because he feels like it, to save your father’s ship.
Jump back in time ten years, to the bridge of the U.S.S. Righteous during the events of Wolf 359. Possessing the body of the tactical officer whose death led to the ship’s destruction, you leap to safety and begin to change history. With Q at your side as quasi-helpful wise guy, himself possessing the ship’s handily named Doctor Quint, you set events in motion to hinder the Borg’s progress to Earth. John DeLancie is, as usual, quite good at playing the exaggerated role of Q, made famous in numerous episodes of ‘The Next Generation.’ It can’t have taken much convincing for DeLancie to don the mock-captain’s uniform once again, as the actor seems to relish every opportunity to cash in on that character in any form, despite claiming to fear typecasting. He is the new Leonard “I Am Not Spock” Nimoy.
‘Borg’ is a relatively enjoyable game, but the novelty wears off fairly fast, and this was even the case ten years ago when it was a new release. The initial excitement at being ‘free’ to wander around a starship in first-person is vaporised when you realise just how limiting the pre-filmed adventure is. There are always a couple of options, some of which lead to destruction, but these mainly involve experiencing the same important events in a more roundabout way, with distractions. ‘Borg’ can be saved at any point, and as you can imagine, the option to save before every single decision point means that the right solutions can easily be found through trial, error and reload. Even if you do make the wrong decision, Q appears against a white background and tells you to go back and sort it out.
It’s also pretty annoying that some of the puzzles are less than logical. The correct course of action, when presented with a particularly nasty-looking piece of Borg equipment, is to leave the cursor along and not touch anything, leading to commendation from the characters who agree, “we’d better not touch anything until we know it’s safe.” I’m sure I wasn’t the only one to try every option on screen before giving in and seeing how the thing played out. The relative simplicity of the 16-bit game [It won't have been 16-bit] also means that occasional errors creep in, at least on my Windows 95 version, leading to the cursor disappearing altogether or being rendered otherwise impotent.
Despite these criticisms (and less pressing nitpicks involving historically inaccurate uniforms and technology discrepancies), ‘Borg’ is quite interesting, and boasts some genuine shocking moments in the storyline, written by Hilary Bader. The main characters, including the player, are all assimilated into Borg drones, years before ‘Star Trek: Voyager’ tried to pass off a similar shock ending as original, and the comedy scenes with Q aren’t bad, despite being incredibly out of place and irritating at times. All the acting is of a reasonably high standard, certainly what can be expected of supporting characters in the TV series, and in fact some of the actors have appeared elsewhere in the series. The epic space fight scene with the Borg is lifted completely and shamelessly from the first episode of ‘Star Trek: Deep Space Nine,’ but it still looks really good here, and makes the interactive movie’s budget seem that much larger.
Star Trek fans looking for a video game more fitting to the spirit of the show than the standard space-battle simulators may be impressed by Star Trek Borg, although it hasn’t aged particularly well. Graphics aren’t much of an issue as the whole thing is recorded on video cameras, but the game is very limited, and as mentioned at the start, the Star Trek films reinvented the Borg straight after this game was released, and they only went on to become increasingly perverted and diluted by Voyager. The predecessor ‘Star Trek: Klingon’ is a better game, much more believable and interesting in its departure from the standard Starfleet fare, although the assimilation aspect of ‘Star Trek: Borg’ at least keeps things interesting and playable. Klingons are clearly more interesting than Borg though. Qa’pla.
The entire package is spread across three CDs: one for installation, one to play the game, and the third a Borg-only update to the digital reference archive, ‘Star Trek Omnipedia.’ The latter program has been rendered entirely obsolete by the Star Trek Wikipedia off-shoot ‘Memory Alpha,’ and the entire non-porn internet in general. An interesting feature of the game is that a full, non-interactive movie of saved games can be played and viewed each time, omitting the ‘decision points’ but including any incorrect decisions and restarts. In my youth, I had a saved game where I made all the right choices, which lasted around twenty-five minutes, and one where I made every wrong choice first, which lasted almost an hour.
Combining Q and the Borg in a blatant fan-pleasing endeavour, ‘Star Trek: Borg’ is at least well written and something different from the standard shoot-em-up fare of Star Trek video games. Sort of a live action version of ‘Dragon’s Lair’ and ‘Space Ace,’ a similar interactive DVD release wouldn’t be out of the question, but would seem a little odd in light of Trek continuity. At least the series was stopped here, before titles like ‘Star Trek: Romulan,’ ‘Star Trek: Random Species from Episode 79’ or ‘Star Trek: Erotic Green Alien Women’ appeared on shelves. Alright, I’d buy that last one.
‘Star Trek: Borg’ is published by Simon & Schuster Interactive for Windows 95, and can be played on more advanced systems. No longer available from retailers, I bought mine second-hand in 1998 for about £3. [That's useful to know in 2006.]
Advantages: Good acting, and a well-written plot.
Disadvantages: Dull, dated and extremely limited.
The Golden Age of Plumbing
**** [What does it take to get five stars from you? Clearly this delightful game that filled up the lonely summer of '95 isn't up to the high standard of Nationwide.co.uk]
Written on 13.08.04
The early nineties saw children divided into four groups, as sociologists will be aware: those who had a Sega MegaDrive; those who had a Super Nintendo; those who had both and were also rich and irritating; and those who had neither, but really wanted one. I passed through three of those phases over the course of several years, originally owning Sega MegaDrive and later supplementing it with a Super Nintendo. I was a class traitor, I admit it, and Sonic the Hedgehog would always hold a special place in my heart over the much less interesting moustachioed plumber, but in 1995 I finally realised the joys of Super Mario World, the peak of the Mario format.
Super Mario World expanded on the previous games immensely as it was the first of the series to be released on the Super, rather than regular, Nintendo. This allowed for a much larger game with improved graphics and sound as well as more versatile controls through the new joypad. With its world map layout, special options, secret areas and faux-RPG style, this was an addictive game that was also manageably difficult for once, as there was no longer any need to keep the players stuck on the same frustrating level for a few months to cover the fact that the older games were incredibly basic and limited.
STORY
Let’s get this over with, then. The main difference in Mario World’s plot over that of the earlier games comes with the introduction of the dinosaur character Yoshi, on whom Mario can ride around. The setting has also shifted from wherever the previous games were to the more manageable Dinosaur Land, divided into a large number of different areas with varying climatic conditions, many of which can be viewed on the main world map. Story-wise however, there is absolutely no change: that Princess Toadstool has been kidnapped by the reptilian menace Bowser yet again for reasons unknown (let’s not speculate about disgusting sexual scenarios) and the plumber sets out alone, unless you opt for two-player mode, to get her back and thwart that scaly scourge.
Every area of the world includes a fortified castle at the end of the regular stages, each of which is occupied by a member of Bowser’s family that you may remember from the rubbish cartoon series that ran alongside the release of these games. After defeating each of these, a spotted dinosaur egg containing the developing embryo of one of Yoshi’s dino chums can be recovered, however these serve no relevance to the gameplay – each castle basically has to be completed to allow access to the next level.
GAMEPLAY
The Mario games were always kept very simple so that young players wouldn’t be put off, but there are some advanced elements introduced here that can take a while to get to grips with – most notably the flying technique when a feather is collected and the controls of the various coloured Yoshis in the hidden areas. The levels are all set out in basic platform game style with floating ledges to bounce between and the usual dangers of enemies and pits, although there is some variation to keep things interesting such as underwater levels and stages based on flying.
This game borders on RPG (role-playing game) territory, but its simplicity prevents it from reaching that level of intricacy. The world map is fairly non-linear in places as players can discover keys, hidden exits and other means of accessing a different level than the usual destination, and although it’s very easy to amass a huge number of extra lives, the save option only recalls your progress and not your situation.
The twist of Mario games was always the items that could be collected to modify the player, and these still remain. The large mushrooms turn Mario into Super Mario who is a bit bigger, doesn’t die instantly and can break fragile platforms if desired; the fire flower (now pretty redundant) is Super Mario in red and white with fireball capability, and finally the feather changes Mario into Super Mario with a yellow cape who can fly, as long as you understand the controls required. Mario 3 boasted a much larger array of costumes and abilities for Mario, but many of these were unnecessary and only served to make the game more complicated.
The two player mode is based on a turn system as each player (or the one player, if he’s a bit lonely) controls Mario or Luigi – a green Mario who is otherwise completely identical – and play switches when a player dies or completes a level.
GRAPHICS & SOUND
The graphics seem to be deliberately simplified in this game, as the SNES console had much higher capabilities than are shown here, but this is again an attempt to keep the game simplistic and attractive to children. The graphics are never a problem in any case, and this is a far cry from the original NES Mario Brothers game in which Mario’s head consisted of about twelve squares. This game is very colourful, but many areas have specific colour schemes to suit their setting.
The sounds on the game are also nothing special or impressive, and most of the music is very repetitive, although not dominant enough to become really annoying. There are still no voices for characters at this stage which can only be a good thing, but there is a tendency to re-use sound effects for unrelated events. This is basically an old, early console game though, and high quality graphics and sound wouldn’t be expected.
VERDICT
Nintendo designed this game to have longevity, and it certainly does: it took my young self several dedicated weeks to complete it in full, discovering the secret areas, and it still remains an enjoyable game to play through when I am particularly bored. The two player option isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and this is basically a one player game that children could discuss with their friends the next day, learning how to access the Star Road and, more impressively, the Special Star Road. I can do it all, so there.
Aside from the new capabilities of the SNES format such as the save option and larger level space, this isn’t exactly an original title, based as it is on the previous games while incorporating elements of Zelda and other contemporary RPGs, but it balances out difficulty with fun, fast gameplay to create a Mario game that is finally able to compete with Sonic. The hedgehog with attitude was still better than the plumber with gratitude though.
Advantages: Engrossing and enjoyable, Can be enjoyed by all ages, Plenty of hidden areas and secrets
Disadvantages: A little repetitive, Nothing too original, Not as impressive any more
The Platinum Age of Plumbing
Written on 01.08.06
***** [Quantity over quality then]
It's difficult to believe that Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) owners used to pay in excess of 30 pounds for one simplistic game cartridge, containing as much as 200 KB of data. The move from 8- to 16-bit game consoles in the early 1990s saw popular titles from the older platforms, such as Nintendo's Super Mario Bros. series, re-released and re-vamped, complete with ever more extortionate price tag, in a practice that has unashamedly continued to this day. Thankfully, one shred of uncharacteristic generosity entered the Nintendo pipeline in the form of the four-for-the-price-of-one compilation cartridge, 'Super Mario All-Stars.'
'All-Stars' collects together the four canonical Super Mario Bros. NES games and updates them for SNES audiences. Gone are the blocky retro character designs and limited palettes, with new backgrounds adding three-dimensional effects and cartoon-realistic eyes. Even the primitive sound effects have been improved upon, without losing any of their original charm; this even goes for the excellent steel drum musical themes, which sound better than ever. Basic gameplay remains the same, the practical move from two- to four-button joypads merely doubling the existing jump and run options.
Pressing the start button on the title screen brings up the menu of playable titles, all old favourites with the exception of 'The Lost Levels,' the continuation-of-sorts to the first Mario Bros. game, which was originally available only in Japan (under the deceptive title 'Super Mario Bros 2'). Here in this collection, we have 'Super Mario Bros,' 'Super Mario Bros: The Lost Levels,' 'Super Mario Bros 2' (the Western version this time) and 'Super Mario Bros 3.' With the exception of the afore-mentioned Lost Levels, each release stands independent and distinctive in the Mario legacy. There are various save options for each game too, which prove very handy.
Tackling each game individually, there is a clear progression between the titles. All are relatively simplistic left-to-right scrolling platform games, the player's objective being to travel to the exit at the far right of the stage by eliminating or avoiding enemies, collecting power-ups and coins when possible, and navigating between solid ground and free-floating platforms. The debut title is the most simplistic of the lot, featuring some variation in level style and play, from fertile grassland to less hospitable dungeons, but is still great fun to play. A two-player game only in terms of turn-taking, as with other Mario releases of the time, players could control either Mario (red) or Luigi (green, and noticeably taller here to add extra diversity). The enemy sprites consisted largely of Koopa Troopa turtles and those little squashy brown things with the feet. 'The Lost Levels' follows exactly the same style, but adapts each level to prove more challenging to veteran players.
Things get more interesting and complex with Mario 2, even if some of the more elaborate changes evidently proved unpopular due to their omission from later sequels. Players can now choose from a cast of Mario, Luigi, Princess Peach and Toad, the short toadstool headed guy. The premise this time round is something really pathetic and contrived, something along the lines of escaping from Mario's nightmare world or something, but basically involves traversing various stages and terrains and defeating repetitive boss monsters along the way. I admire this game's more artistic moments, such as the puzzle element introduced by the system of cursed keys and the bizarre extra-dimensional realm of bonus mushrooms accessed through magic doors, but on the whole it’s less rewarding than the other two major titles. It's interesting to play the different characters to see their various special moves: Mario is the plain all-rounder, Luigi can jump long, high and slow, Toad's a fast little blighter and the Princess can float momentarily because she wears a dress. Nevertheless, there's plenty of playing time from this one, and enemies have to be dispatched by throwing items rather than simply bopping them on the head.
The best of the bunch is the more recent title, 'Super Mario Bros 3.' Returning to the Mario/Luigi two-player style of the first, this introduced the map system allowing some small degree of freedom in the otherwise linear gameplay, and introduced a whole load of new collectable items to Mario's inventory, most notably the autumnal leaf that allows the characters to sprout racoon tails and fly for a brief period. There are many more stages in each world, and plenty of variation between them: my personal favourite is the fourth world, where many of the same things happen as have come before, but both the landscape and the nasty critters occupying it have increased drastically in size. Each world features a mini-castle and a final confrontation with one of Bowser's offspring on a flying fortress to a synthesised variation on Holst's 'Bringer of War' theme. This is a really cool game that would only be topped by its predecessor, 'Super Mario World.'
The three-and-a-half games collected here are all NES classics, and collecting them together in one tidy package is economical and sensible. Controls are straightforward, and won’t take long to get to grips with once the clumsy joypad enters the player's hands: the directional pad moves the players left or right, the under-used up and down buttons only really proving useful when ducking, swimming or entering pipes from above or below. The red and yellow (A and B) buttons perform identical jumps, and the green and blue (X and Y) buttons activate the faster run mode. Whichever button your thumb feels most comfortable with.
The graphics and sound are nice, vibrant and enjoyable, although there are no doubt some die-hard retro fans who view the SNES re-mastering as a blasphemous act. This package was extremely popular, achieving a reported 10.55 million sales. A 1994 re-release included the additional 'Super Mario World,' and was bundled with editions of the Super Nintendo sold in the early-mid-90s, the rest of the games remaining unchanged. Even without this addition, Super Mario All-Stars was an essential purchase for all patriotic rivals of Sega's blue hedgehog with attitude, even if a kindly Italian plumber is admittedly somewhat less happ'nin.
Advantages: Four classic games in an economical and affordable package, re-mastered and de-bugged.
Disadvantages: Not the originals.
Superfrog Sells Out!
Written on 04.08.06
****
Construct a basic platform game, sell sponsorship rights to an energy drink manufacturer, and think of an animal that hasn’t been anthropomorphised in any major video game manner before. Well, apart from in Frogger, but that’s different. Enter Team 17’s surprisingly entertaining sell-out platform game, ‘Superfrog!’
What fellow Amiga character Zool did for Chupa Chups and James Pond did for Penguin, and what Smith & Jones, alas, did for anyone willing to give them money [Lee and Herring joke], Superfrog does for Lucozade. Not only does the player’s health counter increase by collecting bottles of the disgusting amber stuff, but it’s revealed in the nice animated introduction that Superfrog acquired his powers of super-speed, might and limited flight from drinking that very same fizzy nectar. Leaving issues of artistic credibility aside, Superfrog was one of the finest platform games to grace the Amiga system, a lovingly detailed, intricate and whimsical romp through six worlds and multiple levels in pursuit of Superfrog’s human girlfriend and the witch who turned him into an amphibian in the first place.
Superfrog leapt onto the Amiga 600 and 1200 in 1993, two years after Sonic set the standard for platform games. Team 17’s designers owe a lot to Sega’s blue hedgehog, especially evident in Superfrog’s impressive speed, but it’s also clear that they’ve done a lot of research to come up with something special, a perfected platform game made by dedicated fans of the genre. Each stage features hidden areas, some more obscure than others, providing a whole dimension of replay value. Not that the game itself is a breeze, as it becomes increasingly difficult in relatively even steps as each level progresses.
Gameplay is the standard platform fare: the player controls Superfrog with the Amiga’s joystick, which can be moved left or right to move the character, with up to jump and down to duck. This game makes full use of the Amiga’s analogue response as opposed to the digital joypads of competing game consoles, as pushing the joystick further in each direction achieves a greater effect, whether it be increased speed or buoyancy respectively. Enemies can mostly be dealt with by bouncing on their heads, although this can be tricky, but Superfrog can collect a little green ball thing to use for less risky missile attacks. Other collectables include the afore-mentioned Lucozade bottles for more health energy, wings that allow a momentary period of flight (often essential for progress) and extra lives. In order for each level to be cleared, the player must not only find the exit, usually at the far right of the stage, but must also collect the required number of coins. Again, similar in premise to the equally speedy Zool.
The game excels in sheer playability as much as it impresses with its cartoon graphics. The opening animation and title screen / box art was created by popular Amiga animator Eric Schwartz, who provided comic strips and animations for top selling Amiga magazines of the early 90s such as Amiga Format and CU Amiga. The in-game graphics can’t be expected to live up to this standard, but the main character and enemy sprites are all animated smoothly and delicately, to the extent that it almost feels like controlling a cartoon. The colours are bright and garish, and you might get pretty sick of green by the end of the woodland stage, but there are no flaws to pick apart here, especially for a 16-bit release. That said, Superfrog’s inane, relentless smile does start to irritate me a bit after I get impaled on spikes for the fifth time in a row. The game’s music isn’t up to the standards of the Sonic series, but its bouncy melodies suit the graphics perfectly, and sound effects are always appropriate.
Superfrog fits on a single floppy disk, meaning there’s no annoying disk-swapping. The game can’t be saved to the hard drive, meaning that save games aren’t possible. Instead, passwords can be obtained from the fruit machine bonus levels at the end of each stage, although these aren’t always forthcoming. Progress is extremely difficult, which will be a positive thing if you enjoy games that require patience and skill, but will only be a source of frustration if you’re looking for something to pick up and speed through. I’ve never managed to complete the game. The game proved fairly successful, despite being overshadowed by the Team’s later releases such as the smash hit ‘Worms,’ and was re-released for both the Amiga CD-32 and PCs of the time.
This is as good as independent platform games get, despite being very taxing. The main character looks good, but it was clear he was never going to be the Amiga’s answer to Sonic or Mario, however much of a cool wise guy the box art mistakenly tried to make him. Does Superfrog ever track down his girlfriend? Does the witch reverse the spell and turn him back into a human? Would his girlfriend really prefer a weedy, average human being over a supercharged man-size frog? I never found out.
Did the less-than-subtle product placement cause a brief surge in popularity for Lucozade energy drinks in the 7-14 consumer age group? No.
Advantages: Fun and definitive platform style, with great graphics.
Disadvantages: Dated, and nothing too original.
T
From Russia With Squares
Written on 29.07.04
***
Those crazy Russians, what will they think of next? Well not Tetris as this hugely popular video game has already been created by Alexey Pazhitnov in 1985 and became famous for its simplistic enjoyment, frustratingly difficult levels and expensive court battles.
If you are interested in the history of the game and its subsequent lawsuits, you can read it all at: http://www.atarihq.com/tsr/special/tetrishist.html [It works!], but this website doesn’t include the phone call made on the eve of Mr. Pazhitnov’s epiphany, which was thankfully recorded by Russian spies or something like that. (I don’t know do I? It’s only pretend anyway)
- “Hello Boris, it’s Alexey.”
- “Alexey, it’s 3am, Russian time, why are you ringing me?”
- “I just had this idea of how to make the most popular video game in the world!”
- “A video game? You mean one of them quite new things like the the Pac Man and the Invaders of Space?”
- “Yes, it’s based on these blocks that you move to make lines that are then destroyed. I could call it ‘Tetris,’ but with a backwards ‘R’ because it’s Russian, but we can sell it to the Americans and other…”
- “Look, I love you but I’ve got work in the morning, this isn’t a good time.”
- “It’s never a bloody good time is it Boris?”
- “No, I didn’t mean… Alexey, are you still there?... He never listens to me.”
THE GAME
The basic Tetris game revolves around different shapes comprised of four blocks each (there are six combinations) which fall one by one into the game arena. The player guides the shape to its desired location and attempts to fuse as many shapes as possible without leaving any gaps between them. Each time a horizontal line of blocks is completed from the left to right of the screen, this line is obliterated and the pieces above all fall down by one. That’s it.
The Shapes:
[1][2][3][4] “I”
[1][2] “Z”
....[3][4]
....[1][2] “S”
[3][4]
[1][2] Just a square really
[3][4]
[1][2][3] “L”
[4]
[1][2][3] “J”
........[4]
In the usual game, left and right on the keyboard, joystick or arcade joystick (if you are a bit old) move the shapes left and right during their gravity-fuelled descent; pressing up (or occasionally the ‘fire’ button) rotates the piece clockwise by ninety degrees and pressing down speeds up the descent once you have chosen the landing site.
WHAT’S THE POINT?
I love retro games, but I am strangely a newcomer to Tetris. Previously the official order of goodness went: PacMan, DigDug, Frogger, Scramble. The popularity of Tetris is a little odd considering there isn’t much to it (and it only becomes more challenging by increasing the speed), but it is very addictive. Tetris is also quick to play and lose, so it can provide a nice opportunity for some cheap online thrills.
It’s not one of my favourite games though, don’t be stupid. ‘The Secret of Monkey Island’ and ‘Diablo II’ wee all over this Russian gravity-based puzzle, but do require a bit more effort that I can’t always be bothered to expend.
VARIATION
As Tetris is the most widely played video game ever created (even more than ‘Mister Robot Speak & Spell’ on the Amiga, although that is quite a bad example) there have been a predictably huge number of variants created over time. ‘Wormtris’ has always been my favourite, a completely unsolicited game by some Dutch guy with an Amiga 1200, although ‘Strip Tetris’ has recently caught my attention at striptetris.co.uk. Because I like the blocks and stuff though and that’s all, I think there’s a picture at the side that gets filled in as you play or something but I wasn’t really interested in that. (Not until level 4 anyway. Go and try it- oh, you already are). I wish I had a basic grasp of game programming so I could create and popularise ‘Strip DigDug,’ ‘Strip Ms PacMan’ (my favourite) and ‘Strip Mister Robot Speak and Spell’ but I can’t be bothered to learn.
Here are some online Tetris games that don’t need to be downloaded. I’ve used a couple myself, but the others are just there for some ‘variety’ (although the only real variety involves adding music and making the ‘I’ piece start vertically instead of horizontally).
http://www.miniclip.com/tetris.htm [Dead] - I hate the Miniclip site, I really do (reminds me of the kind of people in school who really like sites like that). Still, it has an OK Tetris game with music.
http://www.addictinggames.com/tetris.html [Alive] - a bit basic, but it has a Russian backdrop. Annoying sound effects though.
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/tetris.html [Dead] - I quite like this one, it’s a bit basic but has a clinical feel. Like playing Tetris in a hospital.
http://www.dynamicdrive.com/dynamicindex12/tet2.htm [Alive] - as simple as it gets – no music, no sounds and not even any gravity.
www.striptetris.co.uk [Dead] - or just click on the link you put in your ‘favourites’ menu.
If anyone knows of any other interesting Tetris games (free ones; I am not mad) please tell me and I’ll check them out. ‘Wormtris’ was the first I played and is still by far my favourite, the extra options and introduction of worms/sheep making it all the more enjoyable. Amigans rule, as my Dad would say.
Advantages: Original and fun, Simplistic and quick to play, Addictive
Disadvantages: Not enough variation - you'll always lose at a similar point, Free [What?], Addictive
The New Toy Story...
Written on 01.07.00
****
Toy Commander boasts incredible, smooth graphics and a solid storyline and situation. You are a child whose toys are called in to war against a large, mechancial bear thing. However, the game is clearly aimed at a young audience, and the controls can seem quite complicated to children and take them a while to get used to. The good points are the way you advance through rooms of a house and the varied weapons and vehicles you can control. Overall, a good game that could have been made easier for the younger players.
[Turns out the minimum word count is actually rather low. I seem to have forgotten subsequently.]
V
Literally Nothing to Do?
Written on 05.12.03
***
Unlike some of my friends, one in particular, I don't have the unnatural capacity to be the King of every game I play, or the desire to play that many. I often wonder what it is about this simplistic game that appeals to me.
Vib Ribbon is the creation of Nana On-Sha entertainment, and is one of the most recognised music games available. "Parappa the Rapper" was the first Playstation game I played and although it was turd it inspired a number of similar games which are still being brought out today, such as "Frequency" for the Playstation 2. Vib Ribbon is the only one of these games I play, and probably for the sole reason that you can play your own CDs through it.
We've all seen those funky pink dance studio games you can buy for your daughters, who will attempt to improve their dancing skills to attain the high scores, or your sons, who will soon tire of the girlie dancing aspect and use a broom operated from the sofa simply to knock their sister off the high score slot. Vib Ribbon is not one of these games, although you'd expect it to be from all the rambling I just did, and is instead controlled by buttons on the Playstation joypad.
The basic gameplay is as follows: you control the actions of the constantly moving Vibri, a rabbit-style thing made of very simple polygons, along the Vib Ribbon; a continuous line path which is frequently interrupted by obstacles. Each tme Vibri successfully gets past an obstacle she becomes closer to 'evolution,' while getting caught by the obstacles enough times will cause her to revert to a simpler life form. The game only utilises white wireframe for Vibri and the path against a black background, the only colours being present in the score points at the top and the progress bar at the bottom. The shape and frequency of obstacles, as well as the game's speed, is based on the song currently playing.
CONTROLS
Vib Ribbon contains an easy-to-follow instruction demo, as well as the game manual, and the controls are as follows:
HIGH OBSTACLES
___
|....| A pathetic attempt to draw on Dooyoo there. Objects of this shape can be
|....| scaled by pressing one of the "L" (left) buttons on the top of the joypad.
|....| L1 or L2 will work, according to your preference, I prefer the comfier L2.
___
/ ...\ This drawing thing really isn't a good idea, but it'll hopefully lead to a more
| ....| avant-garde review. That's right, I said avant-garde didn't I.
\..../ Loop objects can be crossed with the "R" (right) buttons, R1 or R2.
LOW OBSTACLES
|.....| The least accurately drawn of the lot, the pits require the player to press the
.\.../ up or down button on the D-pad (directional pad). I find that 'up' is easier to
..\./ press, but then I do have small girlish hands.
../\ ..../ Obstacles that vaguely resemble this can be crossed with the X (cross)
/....\ / buttons. I prefer to use X, as it's easier to remember.
These are the four basic shapes in the game, and the only ones that will appear in easier songs. However, the real difficulty comes when these shapes start combining. I won't draw them as it would be impossible to make them look convincing enough. Needless to say, all possible combinations of 2 of the above are accounted for, and require both buttons to be pressed. For instance, a loop that has very jagged edges means you press R, for circle, and X, for zigzag thing; a high block with a single dip in it means you have to press L for the block and up/down for pit.
Vib Ribbon is not a complex game, but takes a while to get used to. After this 'while,' the controls and symbols become inseperable in your brain and only the speed is your enemy. As stated earlier, the game can be played with your own audio CDs or the small bank of weird Japanese pop songs included on the game disc, but it's the "play with my own CD" option that is the selling point of this game. If you don't go for this, or you have [no musical taste/incredibly bad musical taste] you can play with one of the game's own songs, and spend the long minutes cringing at the annoying, too-jovial voices, trying to get through the level but also trying hard to work out whether they're speaking english or whether you just thought they were. This is harder to work out than it seems. Gold, silver or bronze difficulties can be tried out, but once you're used to the game these aren't even a problem and you're ready to try out your own collection:
Once you select this option, you can choose to play single track or entire CD. Of course, to truly beat your own records you have to play the entire album. This is often very difficult as the playlist you take Vibri down is in order of difficulty, meaning that you could be doing really well and then come across something impossible meaning you've just wasted an hour of your Saturday morning and also your life. "Waste" is a word I'm come to associate with this game, in terms of the amount of time I've spent on it in the past. You can also choose to play against a tiem difficulty which hasn't been thought out at all; if you choose a long song that is easy to handle, you're going to get a very high score there.
Of course, you always have to have a try of your non-music CDs, like the CD you got free with the official Star Trek fan club your mum got you membership for but which was rubbish, but once you've got past the comedy of dancing to speech it becomes very boring. The game is also often surprising in its opinion of the music, as some tracks I would consider fast generate a slow Vib Ribbon; once I played the same song on an album and a seperate CD single and there was a considerable difference in difficulty.
Vib Ribbon is a way to combine music with entertainment, although you'll usually be better just listening to a game with a great soundtrack, like Final Fantasy VII, or a game with a soundtrack that you like, but which you'd prefer to be drowned out by your new MC Hammer CD or whatever is your preference. If I ever get a particularly interesting or different album from the norm I'll always give it a quick whirl on the Vib Ribbon, but my ability to enjoy this game is not as high as it used to be. I wouldn't recommend anyone buy it for their child relatives for Christmas, as it's a game that could either be greeted warmly or very coldly; at a low price right from the onset, it's intended to be unique, fun and something to do if you literally have nothing at all to do.
Advantages: Not very much to do with the game, Fun, Interesting idea
Disadvantages: Default songs are incredibly annoying
W
Bed Bugs
Written on 22.01.06
**
A memorable game for positive and negative reasons, Rainbird Software’s ‘Weird Dreams’ puts the player in control of a man in a dream-filled comatose state, brought about by a revenge attack from his girlfriend, who it turned out had been an alien all along.
A puzzle game of sorts that mixes different genres, the main flaw of Weird Dreams is its over-ambition. The game must have looked brilliant on paper, to the extent that an entire unnecessary background story was written and included as a story book to accompany the game, but its poor execution results in a game that’s frustrating to play and often impossible to enjoy.
On its release in 1989, the popularity of home video game consoles and computers had begun overtaking that of arcades and most of the basic game types had been established and continued. Weird Dreams isn’t really a platform game like ‘Mario Bros.’, but the player controls the left and right movements across the game screen of the central character. It isn’t really a puzzle game like ‘Dizzy’, as the limited snappy decisions the player has to make are always the only immediately obvious course of action. It isn’t really a beat-em-up like ‘Street Fighter’, but the player does have to attack rock statues with flying fish.
The main strength of Weird Dreams lies in the nightmarish and ‘just plain weird’ approach of the graphics. Terrain varies inexplicably from a creepy fairground to a barren desert and an English country garden, while the enemies and obstacles encountered suit each setting perfectly, despite their oddness, although this is largely a clever use of synchronised colour schemes. Although these graphics are primitive by modern standards, the game’s art department make an excellent job of converting the enemy and level designs to pixel format, but it’s all rather basic.
The main character’s movements are slowed down by the number of frames used to animate his walk, and the only movement is of the character and any enemy concerned moving left or right across a series of static backgrounds. This is where the game begins to fall apart, as the basic handling of the character’s actions across the nine very limited levels requires extreme patience and immaculate precision to avoid the instant death and level reset that comes with any contact with obstacles. Even when the player knows exactly what they’re doing, it often falls down to luck due to the slow and awkward handling and response.
This unfair level of difficulty is evident right from the very beginning of the game, where the player has to climb out of an immense candy floss machine. Ducking to avoid the spinning rod is easy, but the jump upwards must be precisely calculated so that the stick is grabbed at the right time, otherwise your head is cut off. Similarly, sword-fighting with the snarling rose bushes can be a near-impossible task as not only do you have to slowly work your way through a bush that comes alive at will, but you risk getting run down by a lawnmower if you’re on the screen for too long. The later levels are much easier to manage and survive in, but these first few sections cause enough frustration to put some players off for life.
Controls on the Amiga versions of Weird Dreams were standard and easy to pick up, consisting of the usual left/right/forwards/ backwards joystick actions and use of the fire button to execute actions, but the infuriating gameplay could potentially lead to the trusty joystick being mistreated and destroyed. The best way to avoid this, and perhaps the only way to ever conceivably get through Weird Dreams, was to use the helpful and fun S.O.S. cheat: positioning the character as close to the right-hand mirror as possible (without entering) in the fairground at the beginning and pressing the Amiga’s large ‘Help’ key in an S.O.S. style, i.e. tapping it quickly three times, holding it for three longer intervals and then tapping three times again. If the cheat works, the life counter switches to an ‘infinity’ symbol and now you don’t have to see the depressing hospital flat-line animation ever again.
Weird Dreams was reputedly conceived for a television phone-in competition, the kind of game controlled by the shouting instructions of a child caller on ‘Going Live,’ ‘Live & Kicking’ and other children’s morning television, and this would certainly explain its shoddy conversion to home platforms. The game is not produced any more (neither are those home platforms) but can be found second-hand quite often, suggesting a bizarre past popularity.
The tedious puzzle platformer was perfected in the 1990s by Delphine Software with such games as ‘Another World’ and ‘Flashback,’ both of which share excellent graphics and frequent, instant, unfair deaths with this early predecessor. Rainbird should have cut their losses with the stupid but great-looking game and its accompanying well-written but pointless novella and just made a really good comic book instead.
Advantages: Looks lovely
Disadvantages: Handles horribly
Not Just Another Huge-Handed Anthropomorphic Egg
Written on 18.10.07
***
Originally designed as an all-out parody of the Oliver Twins’ ‘Dizzy’ platform adventure games, Phil Ruston’s ‘Wibble World Giddy: Wibble Mania!’ proved to be just about the best Dizzy clone available for fans of the Codemasters releases. The game was a public domain release, attached to various Amiga magazine cover disks and bundled with numerous packages for the smallest of fees, allowing newcomers to experience the platform adventure puzzle-solver genre for the first time, and for experienced Dizzy fans to enjoy working their way through a fairly short but satisfying and well-meaning parody.
As explained on the title screen, the eponymous Giddy is an anthropomorphic egg (like Dizzy, but rounder) with a face, legs, hat and “ridiculously big hands,” presumably for holding the multitude of items picked up by the player on their journey. The player controls the bouncy egg across a series of screens, progress generally heading to the right but occasionally involving underground cave trips one level down, and a fair amount of retreading when new items are picked up for old problems. Progress is interrupted at key points by impassable objects such as a raging fire (pictured), a barricade and a Triceratops, and being restricted to a two-dimensional environment where he can’t simply walk around the edge, Giddy must obtain and correctly use the correct items, in these cases a bucket of water, some dynamite and a Big Red Boot respectively. Other puzzles seem less pressing but are all integral to progress at some point, so taking the rubbish Atari ST system back to the hipster in the alleyway is rewarded with the gift of a sweaty sock that comes in useful later - Atari and Amiga rivalry often presented itself in independent games like these, which is an endless source of humour in a sort of nerdy way that I’ve never really understood, but “Ta! Have a sweaty sock” is a great line in any case.
Giddy (I keep having to restrain myself from typing ‘Dizzy’) picks up items with the aid of the joystick’s fire button, and stores them in an unseen inventory that can be accessed by pressing down (effectively, pulling backwards on the joystick) and scrolling left and right through text descriptions of each object before pressing fire to use the one selected. In some cases it’s safe to casually use the item right in front of the raving hippie or other obstacle, but the more dangerous situations require a greater degree of care and discretion. Progress is also hindered by the prevalence of enemies who can’t be killed, in the form of generic and repeated snakes, aliens and penguins (depending on the setting), but like in Dizzy, their repeated movement patterns can soon be learnt and hopefully avoided. If Giddy is hit, his energy bar depletes, eventually causing him to burst in a yolky splatter and lose a life, slightly more gruesomely than ever happened to his mainstream predecessor. Part of the fun of the controls comes in Giddy’s inexhaustible tendency to bounce, and it’s common to see players boinging across less active screens in either a mistaken belief that they’ll move faster than if they just walked, or perhaps just as entertainment to pass the time.
As well as brightly coloured objects, the game also offers a number of coins for Giddy to collect, all of which can be picked up just by walking over them. These are counted in the ‘Dosh’ total at the top of the screen, and a new level of frustration is added when the player passes by shops boasting essential items for only thirty gold coins, when the player only has twenty-seven. Elusive coins will all be found in plain sight later on which requires extensive back-tracking, but there’s nothing inherently impossible or unfair in this game as there is in some of the early Dizzy games, which featured hidden coins that all needed to be collected in order to win. The game is fairly limited and straightforward in scope, and although there are points at which a multitude of items are being carried, it’s all very linear and there are only a couple of red herrings. As an independently produced public domain game it isn’t particularly big, and although it can take around an hour to complete, and seems to stretch far out in the distance, the game map is probably reasonably small at no more than forty screens (as a complete guess). The end is a complete anticlimax as Giddy walks through a door and the player is pretty much told “that’s all we’ve got,” but Ruston allegedly released a sequel a year later, though I never came across that.
Phil Ruston also provides all of the bright and bold graphics for the game, and seems intent on beating the Dizzy graphic artists in making his character pass through every terrain imaginable. As the game is never meant to be taken very seriously, each five screens or so the scene will change abruptly from a suburban street to a desert, or the North Pole, or even the Moon where the Earth will be seen sitting far in the distance, only to return instantly when walking off the left side of the screen. While all of these cosmetic changes are clearly variations on exactly the same programming, which doesn’t include much variation beyond some minimal upwards jumping through trees, it keeps the playing experience memorable and also provides a nice way for players to pace themselves and rate their own progress, reaching further each time. Allister Brimble, presumably just a bloke Ruston knows who can program music, rips off the theme from ‘Fantasy World Dizzy’ completely and without apology, and as with all early Dizzy games there are no sound effects above this chirpy racket.
Game-centric Amiga magazine ‘Amiga Power’ gave this fun and flimsy product an impressive 4 out of 5 stars, and although it severely lacks originality in basically ripping off the Dizzy franchise, it’s tastefully done, and has clearly been ruthlessly tested to ensure it’s bug-free and actually enjoyable to play. There are no alienating Dizzy jokes aimed solely at those who own the original games, and no real Dizzy references, making this easily approachable by anyone, but its fairly limited and repetitive playing style, as well as its brief length, keep it in firm second place to the masterful Dizzy series itself, which was at its peak by this point and soon fizzled out as no further games were released, leaving copies like this as the only real way for Dizzy junkies to get their fix. Compared to modern Dizzy clones on the internet this is still superior, as these newer versions are usually far more juvenile and full of bugs, ripping off the Dizzy sprites without even bothering to draw their own smiling egg with huge hands as Ruston does, and despite its creator’s modest, self-deprecating claim on the title screen that Giddy provides “literally minutes of Wibbly action,” it’s a great game that can be played again and still enjoyed, though not as often as the more in-depth Dizzy releases.
Advantages: An accurate and enjoyable 'Dizzy' clone with colourful graphics.
Disadvantages: Nothing new, and fairly short.
The Worms Have Turned
Written on 04.07.00
****
If you have Worms, Worms Armageddon is basically the same game but with larger worms, better-drawn landscapes, missions and more weapons. You also have the chance to actually "raise" a team before sending them on missions: giving them higher experience ranks and more training medals.
It's essentially the same as Worms 2 on the PC, but with the mission element. If you have Worms 2, it's not really worth the extra money. However, if you have the first Worms and wish to upgrade to this, or you have never bought a Worms game before, this is a very addictive game. Twp teams of worms trying to beat the segments out of each other… and that's it. The simplest ideas are always the best ones.
But there's more: you have a huge arsenal of weapons to choose from to blow up those worms, from a bazooka, kamikaze attack and dynamite to such insane weapons as old women, sheep and holy hand grenades. There's also a facility to structure your own landscape and play against friends or the computer. Worms Armageddon is very fun and enjoyable, and scarily addictive.
Advantages: Many types of game available including training.
Disadvantages: Each level seems repetetive and can get annoying. [Much like these reviews.]
Lost reviews
House of the Dead 2 **
Resident Evil – Code: Veronica *****
Soccer Kid ****
Sony PlayStation 2 ****
