"With Cameron Diaz in it you know it's going to be good" – Me, 2000 (apparently)
Raised on an arguably unsavoury diet of perverted sitcoms when I was still in single digits, some of my permanent tastes formed early. But there was still a lot of developing left to do.
Less independent in his tastes and more beholden to what's on at the cinema, what his mum's rented on video or what gets put on the school TV when a teacher can't be arsed, 14-year-old Dave's choice of viewing material and falsely confident declarations thereon often couldn't be more different to my opinions today. Other times we're still the same, there's only so much growing up you can do.
Here's my earliest surviving online content from the year I was first connected to the world, a terrible decision in hindsight. Most contain at least one stand-out remark that made me laugh in spite of myselves. Hopefully 52-year-old Dave will come back and laugh at the clueless, out-of-character pap I post nowadays.
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| "Willy humour aside, the last hour is pretty silly" |
Rock Bottom
Written on 27.06.2000
**
My reason for only two stars is probably the same as most other people on here, I love Bottom but find this a poor excuse for a Bottom film. Richie and Eddie are virtually the same as in the programme, using the same violence and sayings, although Richie's surname is no longer Richard, it is Tw** (pronounced "Thwaite" apparently). The first half hour or so is basically Bottom, if Richie and Eddie owned a hotel, only less funny. Plenty of silly violence such as nutcrackers and "no! not the fridge!", it just starts to go downhill as soon as the character originally known only as "Big Jugs" appears. Simon Pegg plays a father of a family, you might have seen him in Big Train or Spaced, and he is very good in the part, but aside from that there are no other actors in the film who I like too much.
Willy humour aside, the last hour is pretty silly, with only the pulling guy's nipple scene of any real sick comedy value. The very end is literally "sick comedy," trying to get laughs off an Indiana Jones rolling boulder of vomit parody, but it doesn't reallt work. A great Bottom film, not having to cater for international markets and things like that, would be one that took place mostly within the confines of their dirty flat- the first Bottom Live video for example would be a great way to allow for a ruder, 18-rated Bottom which was also incredibly funny.
Disadvantages: Not much like the programme, Stupid scenes
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| "Hilarious occurences (sic)" |
"Bring Out Your Dead!"
Written on 27.06.2000
*****
If you're a fan of the more silly comedy films, like things with Leslie Nielsen in them, it's a pretty safe bet that you'd love the Holy Grail. with its epic, a bit, storyline and hilarious occurences it became one of the milestones of comedy films. Even if you're not familiar with the film you may have heard of "the Knights Who Say Ni" or "she turned me into a newt... I got better." But if silliness isn't your kind of thing, you really probably won't like this.
The film follows King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table as they proceed on a quest for the Holy Grail, set to them by God. Do they ever find the Grail, and who survives? You'll have to watch and see. The Monty Python group stepped away from their random myriad sketches to stick to the single plotline of this film, but the scenes are still all very different with some focusing on the seperate knights' quests. And fans of the Flying Circus show will no doubt have been pleased that the Terry Gilliam animations stayed in. Their next film "The Life of Brian", probably a more famous film than this, moved away further from the concept which divided fans, but this is still reminiscent of the 60s TV show. With major and more subtle humour throughout, as well as the repetition of a number of ideas ("3=5" and "swallows carrying coconuts" to name a couple), it's a cleverly written and excellently produced film which is still as funny almost 30 years later.
Advantages: Hilarious, Well written, Great animations
Disadvantages: A little short
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| "Unrealistic events" |
He bends over and speaks through his rear
Written on 28.06.2000
***
This sequel is undoubtedly better than its predecessor and there are some incredibly funny moments, however it is let down in some places with a slow-moving storyline and unrealistic events.
Parts I loved were where Ace is inside a huge, robot rhino and he has to escape through the baby-emergence hole and is seen by a family; Ace interrogating someone by tormenting them with cutlery on a plate; Ace playing with a slinky down hundreds of stone steps and seeing Ace knock out "The Monopoly Guy."
Overall, this film had a reasonably good plot but could have had more action.
Advantages: Very funny with some great scenes.
Disadvantages: A slow-moving plot needing more action.
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| "Frighteningly realistic. It's certainly a film for modern youth" |
Warm Apple Pie...
Written on 28.06.00
*****
This film is incredibly funny and frighteningly realistic. It's certainly a film for modern youth, as everyone I know who's seen it and is under 147 thinks it's one of the best films they've ever seen.
The plot of a young man trying to find out about sex, and get some, is very funny, as is the character of the father who, when he finds out about his son's lonesome habits, tries helping him and offering some fatherly advice and a selection of magazines.
It's very funny and realistic, and helped by some great music and actors. A great film you don't want to miss.
Advantages: Very funny and true to life.
Disadvantages: It takes a while to get funny.
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| "Very historically accurate" |
They're my Juniper Bushes!
Written on 28.06.00
****
Out of the three major Python films, this one is my second favourite. [Holy Grail review lost to time.] I like the way the team have moved off the sktch show aspect and turned out a great and funny film with a well-developed plot that it very historically accurate and intruiging. I'm also glad to see the back of the silly animation sequences which in my opinion ruined the shows, and this one is a lot more realistic... except perhaps for the alien kidnapping but that doesn't matter because it's funny and brief.
I'm not very religious and I can see why this film has caused so much uproar with Christian followers but it's just a bit of fun and it's not really about Jesus, it's about a person who is believed to be Jesus, although the Messiah does make a brief cameo in the background.
The sets are great, the story is solid and the humour doesn't stop. This is certainly a great film, and a daring attempt by the Python team.
Advantages: A great, solid story which is very funny.
Disadvantages: Being a male, I wasn't totally thrilled by the naked Graham Chapman shot, but his naked girlfriend made up for it.
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| "In all honesty, not up to my usual expectations" |
Find the Fish
Written on 28.06.00
**
Of the last three Monty Python films, (The Holy Grail, Life of Brian, Meaning of Life), I find this one to be the poorest. There are some very funny scenes but a lot of them seem too stupid to be funny. Such as the "Find the Fish" segment: what the hell was going on there?
It also seemed to be getting back to the old sketch aspect of the series which it looked like they were avoiding with the last two films which had a more clearly-defined storyline, which proves a bit disappointing. However, I loved all the songs and all the gore and dirty humour, but I didn't understand the crimson Permanent Assurance: I didn't find it funny at all. It was a clever idea though.
If Graham Chapman had lived longer, the team may have produced another film which would make up for this one which was, in all honesty, not up to my usual expectations.
Advantages: Some very funny scenes and a higher budget.
Disadvantages: Some scenes were too silly and not funny.
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| "A little unrealistic at times" |
I wipe my own ass!
Written on 01.07.00
***
Big Daddy is a very funny film, but takes a while to get into the humour. The story is a little unrealistic at times, especially with the guy adopting the kid and the way he always seems to jinx everybody else's fun. However, the comedy is fantastic.
We see that this guy reckons he can be a great dad, but teaches his kid how to trip up roller bladers, suck back a trail of spit, and urinate on walls. The story gets somewhat more sombre though when the father realises he can't just let his kid call himself Frankenstein and dress like a maniac, and has to teach him how to be serious and get on with his school work. At this point it gets to be more of an emotional film about how you should bring up children which is a shame after the great beginnings.
There's still some comedy after though, especially with the unfortunately illiterate delivery man who becomes the butt of Frankenstein's jokes. Overall, a good film that should have stuck with comedy.
Advantages: Some very funny moments.
Disadvantages: The story gets too serious in the last half.
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| "Very funny, moreso to Americans because it is about their lifestyle" |
Wher'd it go???
Written on 02.07.00
****
There's Something About Mary is a very funny film, especially if you love dirty humour. Scenes such as the "caught organ in flies" make you want to throw up, but they're also strangely hilarious. The scene with the dog was also very funny, as was the part in the bathroom where the guy finds himself asking "where is it?", only to find the "hair gel" he was looking for hanging from his ear, which Cameron Diaz applies mistakedly to her hair and makes it stick right up.
The film is very funny, moreso to Americans than us because it is about their lifestyle, and with Cameron Diaz in it you know it's going to be good.
Advantages: Very funny, in a sick kind of way.
Disadvantages: Some parts get dull without any humour.
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| "Interesting to see what would happen if something like this was done" |
A Waste of Jim Carrey
Written on 04.07.00
** [Whoosh]
The Truman Show is a bit of a disappointment. The story is incredibly clever and intriguing, as well as believable. It's also interesting to see what would happen if something like this was done; putting a baby into a huge artificial environment run by actors and watching it grow up, broadcasting around the world. It was also realistic to see the opposition by the public to the project, saying it was nothing more than slavery.
But apart from its very clever story, there is not much comedy, although it is listed as a "Comedy Drama," and Jim Carrey is wasted. The creator should have used Carrey's talents more, although the leap from comedy to serious drama must have been important to the actor. The story also drags on at times as well, and it's only when Truman starts to realize his world's artificial that it gets interesting.
Overall, a good film that should have been expanded more. The "making of" section on the video release is also a good addition which I think should be seen more in films.
Advantages: An incredibly clever story with some great ideas.
Disadvantages: It gets very boring at times and could have been funnier.
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| "A lot better than the original film, made in black and white decades ago" |
Started Well, Ended as Casper.
***
Written on 17.07.00
The Haunting is quite a good film, although the 12 certificate shows that it was not designed merely to scare people, but to be a good story. It works, as the spooky tension slowly begins to mount throughout the film, with areas going cold and words appearing from nowhere, but in the last half hour, when it turns out the ghost of the evil original owner of hill house appears and the house seems to come to life, it just starts looking like Casper or something. The cherub ghosts at first seem spooky and creepy, but at the end they just look like little see-through children, and you feel sorry for them. I think this ruined the film, although the computer-generated effects are great.
There's a bit of a sexual undercurrent with Catherine Zeta-Jones' character "Theo", but that also soon vanishes, which is a shame. not that I'm a pervert or anything. The characters are also very good, as they try top rationally explain what the haunted Eleanor is seeing, but at the end they all just turn into frightened vigilantes.
Overall, a good film which gets too childish towards the end. The only part that genuinely scared me was when a skeleton suddenly shot up in front of the screen, as when I was in the cinema everyone jumped out of their seats, then started laughin at their cowardliness. so that was a good part. Although I have to admit that this is a lot better than the original film, made in black and white decades ago [I have to butt in here. Having actually watched the ancient 1963 film since, it's now one of my favourite horror films], and there's even a mention of the Teletubbies. Well, what horror film would be complete without them?
Advantages: Starts by building tension very well.
Disadvantages: Ends up looking like a kid's film.
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| "Computer animation is more impressive, quicker and simpler" |
Chicken Scum
Written on 18.07.00
***
Yes mum, I did used to like Wallace and Gromit. When I was nine! I had no interest in watching some idiotic chickens running around in their suits which weren't even made of plasticine, it was rubber or something. sure looked like plasticine to me. [If you're eager to show how mature you are, best not to admit your mum still takes you to the cinema.]
From what I gathered it was set in a mid-twentieth century battery farm where a load of chickens were unnaturally intelligent and planned to escape with the help of Rocky the Rooster, a strangely-American chicken voiced by Mel Gibson. I think I fell asleep somewhere, but from what I saw it appeared that they constructed a flying machine and flew to safety. Incredible. I wouldn't have thought chickens were up to it; they don't even have hands. It was also incredibly boring, as it was basically all set inside the chicken pen. there wasn't much variety at all. And the only action scene in it, where Ginger the Hen is being saved by Rocky from a chicken pie machine (?) but it's short and incredibly obvious that they're going to live.
However, the animation was excellent, and they've obviously spent a lot of time on it, but I think Aardman should realize that with breakthroughs such as Toy Story and Antz, computer animation is much more impressive, quicker and simpler. The company has signed a deal with Dreamworks for a few more films, but it seems like a bad time to produce a series of clay animation films in an era in which CG films have entered the world, and are continuing to evolve. If you're not a kid, don't bother seeing this film.
Advantages: Great animation.
Disadvantages: Gets quite boring.
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| "Nearly made me lose control of my internal groinal balance" |
"I Want You to Do my Wife"
Written on 14.10.00 [15 now, but still odd]
****
Being a long-time fan of Beavis and Butthead [I only knew them from comics though], it seemed only natural for me to watch this film when it was released at the cinema in 1996 or whenever. But I couldn't be bothered. I did see it finally when BBC2 broadcast it in the summer, and found it hilarious. It's better than the TV cartoon, and longer. It also nearly made me lose control of my internal groinal balance and release a stream of urea. (Wet myself laughing). The jokes probably wouldn't appeal to someone like my dad or anyone not within twenty years of the film's 12 certificate, but for the rest of us (and any exceptions, people with good senses of humour).
For anyone not familiar with the plot, it concerns Beavis and Butthead (dumbass American teenage weirdoes) looking for a replacement for their recently-exploded TV. Along the way they accidentally get involved in a murder attempt, and become public enemy number 1. Oblivious to this, they simply cruise round America in a coach with a misunderstood "old slut", before eventually becoming American heroes (also accidentally).
One part of the film concerns Beavis trying out the old slut's medication and deluding himself into believing he is called Cornholio, and that he needs TV for his bunghole, although quite what he'd do with it there is anyone's guess. [I just realised what he's actually saying, so no need to write in.] Unfortunately, I just didn't find this funny. While my little, eight-year-old brother was laughing at this part, semi-illegally watching the film on TV, my urine was close to release mainly due to Beavis and Butthead's stupididty. [Irony.] A very funny film.
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| "The film's basic storyline is [explains every single thing that happens in the film]" |
The Green-Blooded One is Back
Written on 20.10.00
****
The third Star Trek film was based around the premise of Spock, the series' most popular character, having his soul (or katra) returned to his body. [I guess they find Spock then?]
It continues directly from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan and is generally accepted as being better than hat film [Other way round], not least for its action-packed sequences and special effects.
The film is also notable for introducing the Spacedock, the gargantuan facility in Earth orbit that has been ripped off uncountable times by other science fiction films, and the Excelsior- and Oberth-class ships [Somewhat more unnecessarily detailed than my other reviews], which would go on to feature in the other Star Trek series set almost a hundred years later. The Klingon Bird-of-Prey is also introduced.
The film's basic storyline is that Sarek, Spock's father, and Admiral Kirk discover that Spock may still be alive and has placed his consciousness into Doctor McCoy, who attempts to visit the newly-created Genesis Planet from the end of the last film. Kirk and his crew disobey direct orders and take the skeleton-crewed Enteprise to Genesis, which is breaking apart due to Kirk's son, David Marcus, using faulty biomatter in its creation to accelerate production. Spock's corpse has regenerated on the planet [Spoiler], but the intervention of some Klingons lead by Kruge (Christopher Lloyd) cause the death of David [Spoiler] and force Kirk to self-destruct the Enteprise [Spoiler] with the Klingon crew aboard. They eventually escape on the Bird-of-Prey to Vulcan, where Spock's katra is returned to his body and he begins reintegrating into his life. [The End.] [Not much worse than the trailer was, to be fair.]
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| "Aming fun of the comedies that have gone before" |
Ah, the Mirth Mobile...
*****
Written on 30.06.01
My favourite film of all time, "Wayne's World" is easily accessible to the general public while also instigating a cult of its own. The rock-orientated comedy (spawned from a series of very popular Saturday Night Live sketches by Mike Myers) stars Mike Myers ("Austin Powers") as Wayne Campbell, and Dana Carvey as his best friend, Garth Algar. It also features Tia Carrere as Cassandra, Wayne's tentpole-inducing girlfriend.
The film is incredibly funny, and is partially told from a laidback narrative by Wayne and Garth, who occasionally talk to the camera to introduce the events unfolding, yet deny others to speak to the camera. The funniest thing, for me, about the film is that, compared to action films, nothing much actually happens in this film except for Wayne and Garth's everyday rock-n-roll lifestyle.
The basic plot is that "Wayne's World" is a popular underground cable access TV show produced in Wayne's basement by him, Garth and a couple of their weird rocker friends. The show basically seems to last about three minutes, and would obviously be fantastic if it were a real show (I know it was a sketch on America's Saturday Night Live in the early nineties, but that ceased in 1993). A weasly businessman attempts (and succeeds) to purchase Wayne's World to promote Noah's Arcade, a chain of game arcades across the state, causing Wayne and Garth to leave the show. Meanwhile, Wayne had fallen in love with Cassandra (Tia Carrere), a bassist and vocalist from "Crucial Taunt", a band who played at their local "Gasworks" heavy metal bar. The TV exec eventually succeeds in stealing Wayne's TV show, his girlfriend, and even makes him lose his best friend, Garth- all a very unpleasant occurence after he had previously been very happy about having five thousand pounds, and being able to afford an expensive Fender Stratocaster guitar. However, Wayne eventually gets Cassandra and everything back, and the film's ending is repeated several times in different forms to accomodate everyone's taste (there's the sad ending, the happy ending and even a Scooby Doo ending). [The entire film there, again].
The film basically seems to be aming fun of the comedies that have gone before, with its often (intentionally) cheesy dialogue and plot developments which come in useful later (an occurence they fully point out as being very lucky). There's even a cameo by Alice Cooper, the popular seventies to nineties rock star, when Wayne and Garth go to one of his concerts (complete with backstage passes).
I remember seeing the film when it first came out, and remembered such immortal, famous lines as "We are not worthy!" and "Ah, the Mirth Mobile." The next time I saw the film (in late 2000) I realised what a piece of pure genius it is, and almost immediately bought the double video set (which included Wayne's Worl 2- not as good, but funnier than the original, at a cost to the realism).
There are so many hilarious and famous phrases in this film it's not hard to see why it has become a cult success. My mission now is to find a T-shirt and poster of the film. It's truly a hilarious film that everyone enjoys (only rated PG, so it's fine for the kids), and it's also remembered for ressurrecting the popularity of the seventies band Queen, by playing their hit 1975 song "Bohemian Rhapsody." An amazing film which I'll have to watch right now...
Advantages: Hilarious, A cult classic, Very good ju-ju vibes
Disadvantages: It should have been made more recently, for better music. (Maybe they'd go a Mrilyn Manson concert?)
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| "'Shohh!' (I'm not dure how to spell that)" |
Old man fashioning a kayak out of a log...
*****
Written on 30.06.01
Wayne's World was (and is) undoubtedly my favourite film ever, but I didn't see its sequel until I bought them both in a double video pack in late 2000.
Compared to the groundbreakinbg original, Wayne's World 2 does copy (purposefully) many jokes from the original, although I personally believe it is a lot funnier- I'm more likely to wet myself watching this than the magnificent predecessor. but that humour is gained at a cost to the realism and plot, and the film just ends up being a little too far-out and unbelievable.
The basic plot is that a year has passed since the events of the first film, and Wayne quickly brings us up to speed, also telling us that "this year Garth finally got pubes." "Wayne's World" is still being broadcast, and wayne has a peculiar dream in which a weird naked indian leads him to the deceased Jim Morisson of the unforgettable "The Doors" sixties rock band. Jim gives Wayne the task to put on a cconcert in his hometown of Aurora, Illinois, and with the help of Garth and a strange Englishman named Del Preston (the greatest roadie who ever lived), they do just that. But it isn't easy, especially as Wayne loses his girlfriend to record producer Bobby. The film is a comical struggle to achieve both of these goals- and they will be Wayne's, oh yes, they will be Wayne's.
The film has a fair few immortal lines of its own, especially the story by Delm Preston of how he was in Sri Lanka at four o'clock in the morning requiring 1000 brown M&Ms; to fill a brandy glass (or Ozzy wouldn't go on stage that night). There's plenty of visual comedy (especially when Wayne states that body coubles could have been used of them rather than Paramount spending the money to fly them to England; the comedy of which is that we do see body doubles, who are examples of the worst deliberately bad casting ever just to make fun).
There's an Aerosmith concert (to replace the last film's Alice Cooper gig), and the "we are not worthy" makes a welcome return, as do the "exsqueeze me? A baking powder?", "Schwing!" and "Shohh!" (I'm not dure how to spell that one, but it's the little laugh sound Wayne uses to mark the end of every other sentence).
There are too many comedy scenes to fit together (the film seems sometimes to be a series of sketches fitted together to make a film rather than a motion picture), the most memorable of which are probably Wayne's cheesy kung-fu style fight with his girlfriend Cassandra's father and a hilarious YMCA scene in which Wayne and co. are trapped in "The Tool Box" (a rather unstraightforward bar for people of a certain inclination).
Once again the film stars the hilarious Mike Myers/ Dana Carvey double-act, and Tia Carrere returns as Wayne's Chinese girlfriend Cassandra.
Definitely a must-see, if only for the comedy. I don't know anyone who has seen this film and doesn't find it hilarious.
Advantages: Hilarious, Funnier than the firsy, A bit too unrealistic, even for Wayne's World standards
Disadvantages: Slightly too repetetive of the first movie in places, Great characters once again
Lost reviews
Aliens ****
Mission: Impossible 2 ***** (bizarrely blagged; I haven't ever seen it)
Star Trek: First Contact *****
