"I've also recently dabbled in comparing prices through Google, which is worth a try" – Me, 2004
Do you want to buy CDs or DVDs online in the UK, and it's still 2004?
These long-winded reviews of online shops written from the narrow perspective of a teenager on a seemingly endless mission to save a quid on RRP could help! If you cut through the sitcom quotes, heavy metal bias and digressive insights into his own pathetic life, and understand that this review site's misguided peer rating system favoured quantity over quality.
If you (somehow) enjoyed My Top 10 Websites of 2003 and 2004, here are overly detailed elaborations on some of those defunct shopping sites and other domains, chronicling a time when the retail behemoths were rising to power and crushing the mom and pop sites one by one.
Reviews exhumed from the wreckage of the also now defunct dooyoo.co.uk via the Internet Archive. With [self-critique] if I can be bothered to read through it all.
Easy Money- if you have the time [The cumulative total of all my cashed-in dooyoo miles over nine years probably fell short of a month's minimum wage]
Written on 07.07.01
*****
Dooyoo.co.uk is how I spend most of my internet time. It's a great (and very easy) way of earning some money, however it is also quite enjoyable- the money takes a while to achieve, but the work isn't at all strenuous. as long as you are determined and know what you want to tslk about (it helps if you're a good writer as well).
This site contains a wide range of products for which opinions can be written on, including metaphysical and political viewpoints as well as material possessions. It's possible to see the opinions of everyday citizens of the public, and a browser can choose which opinions can be helpful as they are placed automatically in order according to their relative popularity with the Dooyoo community- those at the top have been rated the most useful.
The website is easy to access, and I believe the redesign has made it somehow feel more "cosy" and compact somehow, and it feels easier to search for products. The search engines usually work fine anyway, and I've found myself discovering whole new categories by browsing the user profiles of other members and finding out what they've written about.
If you're looking for hard cash from Dooyoo it could take a while: as soon as an opinion is written you receive 100 miles (the equivalent of 10p) and extra money every time the opinion is read. As soon as your new opinion appears on the dooyoo homepage, roughly five to twenty people will have been able to read it before it becomes replaced by another, newer opinion by somebody else. In the long run, if your opinion is good, more and more people will routinely discover it, and you may soon (if your opinions are well written and popular) have 50 000 miles (the equivalent of £50- the smallest cash amount able for cashing in)- but it's very time consuming and a long process.
I often find myself stuck for things to write about, but there are alays categories (like this one I am writing in now) which I can find and immediately begin work on without preparation- others (such as CD albums) may take a while to fully understand and interpret enough to write about them. [Repetitive reviews of streamed albums written in alphabetical order became my day job in early 2008, when Dooyoo foolishly upped their rate to 50p per review and it was almost a sustainable career for a few months.]
The smallest amount anyone can cash in is £20- but only in gift vouchers. However, these offer the possibility of a wide range of stores, and can be very useful if you don't have the time to save up fo cash.
Some people write on Dooyoo for the money, while others write to get their voice heard- and it works. I've had comments in which people have stated that they wish to sample the product I've written about, thanks to my opinion. The personal satisfaction from such a comment is very gratifying, and I'd say that my reason for Dooyoo is roughly half and half- it's for the money, but I also enjoy it.
Dooyoo is, basically, easy money to start with- you can easily find a lot of films or albums you have heard, or own, and write about them. But once you have dwindled your resources it becomes a slow process, and the next cashing in could be months away.
Dooyoo is very easy to use and very large, and many people have made very easy money off the website. Overall, I think it's a fantastic idea- that's why I'm on it now, writing this opinion to try and point out the worth of dooyoo.co.uk to you. [That might have been an attempt at a pun?]
Advantages: Easy money, You can write about virtually anything, Censors restrict you from reading possibly offensive material [Think of the children]
Disadvantages: Takes a while
Play.com
Ace! ... That about sums it up [Right, next review?]
Written on 10.04.03
*****
Well, I can't really say enough good things about the guys and girls working for Play.com- almost everything's perfect. new titles are much cheaper than I've seen them anywhere else, postage is free and they have information/ ordering service far in advance.
Play.com is possibly the only example ever of me trying out something I saw on a tv advert, as my little brother's recent gift of a Playstation 2 from our shared mother [I'm being deliberately weird, don't worry] has afforded me the opportunity to advance my television experiences into the 21st century. Well, that's what some people may say, I just like DVDs a lot better than scrubby videos. (No offence there, old VHS served me well. I was just going for some humour through profanity).
One of my many flaws [This is going to be good] is that I really get into far too many expensive TV shows, and as I have a small income [Dooyoo miles + saved up school dinner money] I always feel dissappointed. However, with this website I can at least get soem of what I'm after. for example, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine is a series I have eagerly awaited being released on DVD since I sold my videos last year, and the price of £58.99 per season, while expensivea large amount of money [Forgot to accept tracked changes], is at least £7 cheaper than anywhere else I've seen it online [Remember, that's a lot of dooyoo reviews or hungry school days]; I won't even talk about the absurd prices charged by shops I used to be loyal to before this internet connection.
The only real problem with Play.com is that they do not accept personal cheques, which would be a lot easier for me [Shh, don't tell dooyoo you're not old enough for a debit card yet], but the inconvenience is nothing compared to their cheap prices, insanely fast delivery times (when I've ordered something it always arrives the very next day, or if it's been a pre-order they always send it on the Saturday before it comes out, as most DVDs will enter shops on Mondays).
So there you have it, a lower price for a great service, new product than one can find on eBay for something that already smells of someone's house. Just hope they keep up the good work and keep down the prices.
Advantages: Excellent prices, Excellent delivery, Pre-orders available
Disadvantages: Cannot pay by cheque
Yahoo! Groups
Nice Bit of Community
Written on 03.08.03
*****
I found out about Yahoo! Groups (I'll lose the excalamation mark from now on, or my sentences'll look really confused, like that word "sentences'll" just then) when looking for any kind of bulletin board related to some of my favourite sci-fi programmes, and found it to be a very large and interesting place.
Although I did not find groups to accomodate everything I would like to talk about in a 'daily digest,' my preferred form of receiving group e-mails, I did find a group related to Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, one of my favourite shows which I find greatly surpasses the other Trek series like Voyager and Enterprise, and I am still a member. The thing that makes a good group, like that, for me is occasional thought-provoking questions, my own contributions when I've felt inspirational being along the lines of bloopers or characters I liked over time, and dedication from some of the members.
Although I've only found this kind of thing for DS9, I'm sure similar groups exist for Red Dwarf, Stargate SG-1, the X-Files... but sometimes a very good group takes a bit of finding. The only problem I have with Yahoo Groups is that it can be hard to find a popular group that is not crammed and full of spammers and young people [He's 17]. They are arranged in categories, so it's quite easy to find what you're looking for, and in order of popularity; it will likely take a bit of time and short-lived memberships to find an 'ideal' group.
I would definitely reccomend Yahoo Groups as it's nice to receive a digest of mails either every day or on the odd day when someone has posted. Like dooyoo, the range of subjects is a lot larger than one would initially expect, and often very specialised- for a while I was a member of a reasonably small group devoted to producing and rating Stargate SG-1 music videos produced by themselves and a whole community on the internet.
You can also very easily make your own group on anything you wish, kind of like making a limited website without any hassle. As I've always wanted to make a website but can't be bothered with all the hassle, I started a "reddwarfvi" (Red Dwarf VI) group which gained a couple of members but which I never did anything with. [Forgot about this! It doesn't seem to exist anywhere in the archive, alas.] There wasn't much to post on the subject on a regular basis, so I suggest that if you're going to start a group you might need to find a market niche- something that is required which you would like to be a part of. [But maybe not as niche as one eighth of a TV series.]
It's all a nice bit of interactivity over the internet, and I always look forward to hearing peoples' views or receiving news of their own website updates or important, related posts on other websites.
Google.com
It's the Best Really
Written on 12.10.03
*****
After several years of naively using Lycos and other much-publicised search engines, not that Jeeves one though, my brother recommended Google and now it's the only one I use. Even my A-level history teacher used to recommend it. There are plenty of advantages, and tthe bulk of my review is about to be taken up by hyphenated summaries:
- Huge database. It's definitely the most impressive search engine in terms of the volume of websites it can lead you to. There's even a "Directory" option which allows you to choose your search by topic, if that was ever required.
- Image-only search. Granted it's an option everywhere else too, but it can be useful. A lot of the time I find it's easier to just search for whatever you want a picture of on the regular search and there might be a better picture there.
- Adult filter. Not that this is important to me, but one of my friends gave me a good laugh recently while searching for oddities. [We need closure on that anecdote.]
- Useful links. Unlike every other website ever, Google actually puts up links that might be of interest. There's often a dictionary definition link, and plenty of websites to buy the product you've just searched for. Google also omits foolish adverts persuading you to buy the intangible thing you searched for, so no "buy dave warburton address at Amazon.co.uk today!"
- The Google toolbar also seems interesting, I've had it recommended to me but I don't like my web-space crowded! Judging by the "download it" screen, the toolbar is essentially a mini-Google at the top of your screen which can also show whether pages are blocked or not. [This just sounds like the Chrome address bar.]
- Other nice aspects of Google that aren't completely essential but are great additions are the "number of results found," which can often imply that you need to re-word your search, and the fact that the Google homepage itself is just white with some writing; it's so quick to load.
Something I would recommend would be to use "Google.co.uk" if you're looking for things that might be UK-based, as there's an option to search only UK sites or the whole WWW. By adding speech-marks to your search, you can also make sure that Google searches for the phrase rather than all three words at very different points in an unrelated website. [Good to see the google fu started young.]
Other advantages of note that I don't use but which may be of interest are the "Groups" directory, similar I suppose to Yahoo and MSN groups, and a "News" option that allows you to see the day's news. It's very likely that everyone reading this will have a much better idea and experience of Google than me, but I just wanted to try and raise any important points that people might have missed. If you don't use Google, I also hope I've persuaded you to at least try it- unless you need a translation, in which case I find it more useful to use the AltaVista "Babel Fish" (a Hitch-Hiker's guide to the Galaxy reference in case you weren't aware. Read them, they're good.) [One-star Babelfish review coming up.]
Advantages: Loads of websites in the database, Loads quick [Two different uses of "loads" there]
Disadvantages: None really- you still may not find what you've searched for without careful re-wording though
SplashDVD.com
Splash: All Items Slashed (On)
Written on 25.03.04
*
Spending a large proportion of my life metaphorically exploring the digital realm of the internet [How is that a metaphor? You're doing English A-level], I often come across good websites with very low prices. SplashDVD seemed to be something of a godsend at first, although only the kind of godsend that saves you about ten pounds but still makes you pay the rest, and I spent quite a lot of money.
On the 9th of March 2004, a routine click of the "SplashDVD" link in the Shops section of my Favourites list resulted in a white screen indicating that the company had, essentially, gone bankrupt. I still had a number of orders with the company that had not been in stock or delivered, so you'd expect I would have made a slight tutting sound, like an old lady looking at any price in the world ever [Unnecessary ageism], and moved on to pastures new. [Every line's a metaphor except the one you pointed out.]
The main problem with SplashDVD though is that they take the money straight out of your bank as soon as an order is placed.
Yes, Splash have my money; £160 of my money to be exact, a large amount of which was spent on very cheap DVDs that I figured I could sell at a slightly higher price on eBay. [Commendably up-front.] And before they consigned themselves to cybernetic oblivion and a life in Silicon Hell [Red Dwarf reference, it won't be the last], Splash possessed what can only be the worst customer service in existence- my polite enquiry about how much longer I would have to wait for an item was responded to in an very copy-and-paste, generic style, and a couple of my cancellation e-mails were never given a reply.
In terms of the positives, I had a reasonably high opinion of Splash for the first few weeks. Sure they take the money when goods aren't even in stock, but they did deliver my Young Ones series 2 DVD in quite good time. But then they still didn't get my DVDs in stock, yet continued to keep prices low without a ny notice of "we're not doing very well at the moment, um... my advice would be not to add anything to that shopping basket."
You can visit the website, splashdvd.com, if you desire, where they have kindly posted notices informing customers of the changes that will be made. It always suprises me how I can read something and still not feel any more confident that my money hasn't been slipped into a bankrupt manager's evil pockets. [Baseless libel.]
So now I, like many other people, have to wait and see if our money will be returned, or goods shipped, or neither. Had I read other reviews on Dooyoo regarding this site I may not have signed up, although the low prices still probably would have snared me. Like some HTML spider monster.
Advantages: None shall ever more be snared by this site [I like how this is in archaic grammar for the sake of it.]
Disadvantages: They have my £165 [Pretty sure I got it back.]
Cow.co.uk
Almost a Little TOO Simple
Written on 27.03.04
****
Despite this opinion's title, there is nothing deceptive or life-threatening about Cow.co.uk in the way that a trap placed by one's adversary may possess such qualities, however the simplicity of the site is both an advantage and a disappointment.
I can't remember how I came across the website several years ago but I was very pleased when I did as it presented me with the lowest prices I'd seen for some CDs and videos. The website's name is an acronym for "Cheap or What," and the bovine theme does not continue past the 'cool' cow on the title bar (it is wearing sunglasses and a backwards cap so I assume it's cool they're going for). The website's homepage used to indicate that they were "probably the best CD prices in .uk," clearly avoiding any possible lawsuits to the contrary but also being quite true, however the recent redesign of this homepage has led to this being removed due to competition from Amazon.co.uk, 101cd.com, Play.com and other companies who didn't pay me to plug them just then, but who should have done.
Aside from the newly revamped homepage, the website is very simply presented, using a blue background and no extravagant fonts. When selecting the 'browse' button you can type in your search for music, video, DVDs and a list of all the results will come up displaying the titles, product codes and prices. The range is often very extensive, even for rarities and less popular searches. I have performed many of these as I obviously think that buying more obscure albums than the norm makes me artificially interesting. [This would be incredibly self-aware if it wasn't ripped off Lee and Herring.]
Cow is a long-established mail order company which has been going since 1974, eleven years before my father's seed collided with my mother's ovum [I'm starting to like him], and it established itself on the internet around the mid 1990s (I am referr ing to the website; as far as I know, my father's seed is not present on the internet although it wouldn't surprise me). [Don't push it.] The company does not seem to stock items itself, but has instead found a number of suppliers who they can order the items from.
The advantages of the website are as follows:
- Extensive range, often for low prices but not in all cases
- Very easy to navigate, there are no adverts or promotions getting in the way
- Delivery is fast and free to the UK for anything except larger boxsets
- Payment can be made quickly by credit or debit card, although I e-mailed them asking whether I could send a cheque once and they agreed. friendly and prompt customer service is another advantage there
- They have a humorous cow as their logo
The only disadvantage is that the website only provides a basic list of items, all typed in a Courier font which is a little unimpressive and gives the false indication of a 'dodgy' website. No information or pictures are provided apart from the release dates, so it'll be necessary to open up new browser windows [Remember before there were tabs?] to more detailed websites if you think you see a bargain.
Cow is refreshing in its simplicity, however this could also be a downfall which could put off many potential buyers. My advice would be to check it out, especially if you regularly buy CDs, as some of the prices you find may be very competitive, although due to my flexible friend the debit card I now carry around in my wallet, I can find bargains elsewhere.
Advantages: Huge range of items, Payment can be made by personal cheque if preferred, Reliable and long-established
Disadvantages: Other websites have more competitive prices, Simplicity could put people off
DVD.co.uk
Unoriginal But Nice
Written on 30.03.04
*****
Being a major DVD collector and viewer, there wouldn't be much point in just letting them sit there looking nice, I always enjoy finding bargain prices for them online. eBay always serves me well, while Play.com and Amazon have been the websites I'd check out and compare. However, recently I came across the pretty good DVD.co.uk not by e-mail notification, recommendation or advertising, but because I wondered whether there was a www.dvd.co.uk and typed it into my address bar. [Remember when there were choices?]
Far from being an expensive website, like Blackstar or occasionally Amazon, 'DVD' has prices for almost all items even lower than the competitors. Whereas something new such as Red Dwarf series 4 would be found no cheaper than £14.99 elsewhere, DVD do it for £12.99. Their current box set bonanza offer also contains many unique prices for items, specifically Farscape Deluxe Boxsets for my taste, and I've spent £30 more than I normally would just because of the great prices. Possibly unwise but then I am a non-self sufficient A-level student with no financial obligations and consequently have an over-worked mother. [I hope to learn more about your life in this consumer review of a DVD site.]
The website's policy is also one of free UK shipping on everything, and shipping to Europe only costs £1. As well as a list of DVDs as large as the competitors', DVD also sell new video games- which are essentially interactive movies on DVD discs- and hardware in case you're really impressed by the prices but don't actually have anything to play things on. [Oh god, I still write these sorts of segues today.] The shipping is very prompt also, and the only real flaw is that not a great deal of information is provided on products (aside from what is necessary such as region code, length, widescreen, etc.) It's usually necessary to check out a more detailed website for things such as "episodes included," if it's a TV series, or the list of special features. Their replies to queries are also very fast and useful.
I'd still recommend searching around for low prices on potential buys, never excluding eBay as there is plenty of new stuff on there. The only real example of a better deal for things I have searched for so far has been the Blackadder DVD set, which goes for £44.99 on 'DVD' but only £34.99 on Amazon. I've also recently dabbled in comparing prices through Google, which is worth a try. [Nah, that's not going to take off.]
It seems wise to just keep checking those possible potential addresses though, you never know what you might find.
Advantages: Some of the lowest prices for DVDs, Great customer service, Reliable and secure
Disadvantages: Delivery not quite as prompt as Play.com, Sometimes lacking in information
Streetsonline.co.uk
Another Extensive and Well-Priced DVD Site
Written on 30.03.04
*****
Along with Play.com and other DVD wesbites [Sic] mentioned in a previous review, the most recent 'entertainment media' website to come to my attention is Streetsonline.co.uk., which is a great place to check out for DVDs, music CDs and video games.
To start with, the notion put across in the search bar on the left side of the home page that you are heading down either "DVDstreet," "Audiostreet," "Videostreet" or "Gamesstreet" is a refreshing change and for some reason makes me sure that I've seen a brick street wall and an old-fashioned streetlamp in some kind of miniature popup. I'm about 90% certain that it was just from my addled and slightly tired mind, but perhaps it was the very blue colourscheme that did it. [This is all necessary information.]
PRICES
Essentially, there is not much to differentiate Streetsonline.co.uk from something like Play.com or Amazon, although this is no bad thing; products can be very easily searched for and can hold some surprisingly competitive prices. To use my personal sci-fi examples once again, I initially found this site through a Google search for low price Farscape DVDs and if you happen to be into collecting that innovative australian Sci Fi channel/Jim Henson adventure series, this is the place to go. well, or good old eBay. This definitely does not extend to all products however, as some are the same as in some more expensive physical shops such as HMV.
PRODUCT RANGE
Streetsonline gives me the impression of a wesbite [Twice!] that is not too widely known, but which is trying to be. The website appears similar in design to Play.com and DVD.co.uk, with a handy search bar that's a little too small to spot at first and all number of "recent releases," "forthcoming titles" and DVD bargains. Something else nice is that the website doesn't spring popups in your face, and everything is easily laid out when searched for or when a category is selected. The range of products is extensive for CDs, games, videos and DVDs, with some obscure music CDs being listed in greater quantity than Play.com, and others less so.
DELIVERY
Streetsonline do not have free delivery; there's the bombshell. The good news is however that they won't charge you more than £1, thereby using the annoying Amazon method of making you buy more things so you benefit. In my sole experience of the website last week I ordered three DVDs in one order, officially having the £1 postage added to the first I ordered, but then I decided to cancel this DVD and another. I kept the third, which was delivered the very next day - so those pounds do go to good use - and was only charged the £9.99 rather than £10.99 which would have included postage. Maybe they'll send the bailiffs round to collect an eleventh of the DVD, but they'll be squeezing plenty more postage one-quids out of me in the next few months. This may have been like the drugdealer offering a free sample to a potential customer, we'll never know. [Streetsonline hack for you there.]
Needless to say, the opinions that do exist give a lot of advice and information on th products which can be useful as the product descriptions by the website are not always thorough enough.
WRITING OPINIONS?
The main feature of Streetsonline which seems to have been discontinued was the Dooyoo-style practice of money for opinions. According to reviews on this website, £1 used to be paid for each review, although there was a limit of total reviews permitted. I tried to submit a review in any case, but there was an unspecified problem that resulted in one of those page cannot be found results that everyone hates. Products which have been reviewed in this manner have the reviews listed underneath, however from my own searches it was obvious that general eagerness to post an opinion dropped substantially after 2001. A space odyssey? More like a don't-pay-for-reviews-anymore odyssey! No, that's rubbish actually.
Once you've signed up for the account, your card details are kept on file - there may be an option to pay by cheque, but it seems that like all things, a credit or debit card is preferred - so you don't have to type in yuor details every time. Your e-mail address is used to identify you, and you choose a password. I believe the website sells mobile phones and accessories as well as 'digital music' to download [18-60 in one sentence], but anyone who is partial to downloading music will doubtless already have one of the readily-available free products which allow them to do that. [This means piracy.]
There is nothing about this website that makes me prefer it to competitors in principle, however it's another example of how a single price on an item can increase sales dramatically. Thanks to the low price for Farscape DVDs at £9.99, Streetsonline will be making a lot more money out of me. Well, it either goes to them or the next website I come to so why not?
Advantages: Great prices, Wide range of products, Secure and speedy delivery
Disadvantages: Seems to be going downhill- customer opinions are no longer offered, Customer service takes a while to respond
101CD.com
Large Stock, Low Budget
Written on 08.04.04
****
101CD.com is another website offering CDs, DVDs and games at quite low prices. Compared to its competition it often has very competitive prices and a large list of stock, but delivery fee fluctuations and customer service have been known to count against it.
The main advantage 101CD over other websites is its large list of imported stock; a search for reasonably obscure bands will still result in a list of titles they can send from the UK, from Germany, from the USA and from Japan. Obviously they tend to get more expensive towards the bottom, but there can be bargains to be found through some of the imports. The website also accepts payments through the slightly devious organisation that is PayPal; this is good for me as it's a way to get rid of PayPal I've massed through selling on eBay, but it also costs an extra £1 to pay through this method. Something I only found out after I'd made an order, so they seem a little loathe to advertise the fact.
101CD also have frequent sales, something they enjoy sending out in e-mail form if they have your e-mail address from a query, and although I'm not usually interested in the chart CDs they have on offer, they are at incredibly low prices. They also stock plenty of CDs at the budget price of £5.99 including some that are actually good, although my own purchase of Iron Maiden's 'Best of the Beast' at this price is open to discussion.
The customer service is friendly and prompt, but this is where most people seem to have had their trouble. Receiving an e-mail reply to a query at around 10 past twelve [Odd writing convention] last night, long after office hours, it seems that this isn't the highest budget of companies and are more prone to making mistakes than someone like Amazon. [What?] Thankfully the only time they have let me down has been failing to update some details until I prompted them, but there's always the possibility. [Still three years until he gets a proper job.]
I will keep using 101CD for its low prices, extensive stock and PayPal options. I have discovered a similar website, Musica, which accepts PayPal for no extra charge, but which seems less professional. [Foreshadowing.] I suppose the more eager they are to promote PayPal, the worse the company is doing. [Solid theory. In another decade, you'll practically beg international employers to pay you using that convenient system.] I would recommend 101CD to anyone looking for CDs that are hard to come by, although there are many other, more reliable websites for most CDs, DVDs and games you may be interested in.
Advantages: Low prices, Huge amount of stock, Customer service is friendly at least
Disadvantages: Have been known to delay or send wrong orders
eBay.co.uk
eBay Tips, or 'How I Got Out of Writing a Proper Opinion'
Written on 13.04.04
*****
eBay.co.uk is a website I would recommend without any second thoughts. Items can be bought in any condition for a very low price, and you can even sell your items as well. It beats any other website I've been on for prices and ease of use and once you get into it you start feeling very comfortable and confident.
I considered writing a review on eBay, but the multitude of opinions on websites already will be full of all the necessary information anyway. I have instead opted to give tips that I have learnt over the course of time which I hope may prove useful to someone reading this at some point in the future. [Here's your chance.] I have been buying off eBay for two years now and on turning 18 I ventured into the world of selling, which is equally as addictive.
As a brief overview, eBay.co.uk is the English version of the American website, an online marketplace where items can either be bid on or bought immediately from independent sellers. It's easy and free to sign up, and eBay's charges for sellers are actually very fair and low. The website is being updated constantly, and recent changes have made it even easier for sellers to provide information from other websites as well as a number of other options.
TIPS FOR BUYERS
As a long-time buyer, I can guarantee that there is only one sure-fire way to win an auction and this is my most important point:
- Bid at the Last Minute
Some items will clearly not receive many bids, however I always find it more reassuring to note when the item is ending and place a bid within the last two minutes, making extensive use of the refresh or F5 button to check the time. The major disadvantage will be that not everyone has the same amount of time one their hands to spend on the internet as a single, unemployed Sixth Form student [I'm now married and self-employed but still wasting time reading this], and it's also possible that other annoying eBay users will sneak in at the last minute also. You may even find that your maximum bid has already been met several days ago, making it a wasted effort to wait so long. Nevertheless, waiting until the last possible moment has always worked for me. This could also be summed up by another point:
- Only Bid Once
Many users will place a bid early on to guarantee winning an item, and bid again once they have been outbid. This only serves to increase the price drastically, and more seasoned eBayers don't usually do this. Only one winning bid counts: bid low and bid rarely.
- Make use of searches
If you have spotted an item that you intend to bid on, or use Buy It Now on, make sure you have searched using eBay's simple toolbar to see whether there are any better deals. It can also be useful to try out different phrasings of titles which may be more obscure and not receive as many bids; I have personally found that listings under "black adder" are seen and bidded on less than items listed under the single word "blackadder." Also, putting "DVD" along with a title may not show all DVDs; it is sensible to make use of the categories as well. DVD sellers will not always have room to put the phrase DVD into their title, and these will not show up on such a search.
- Read the information
I always make sure, in any transaction, that I read all the terms of the seller. This can be especially useful on ebay to fidn out the payment methods and postage costs- some sellers charge very expensive prices for postage in the hope of catching a buyer unaware. The condition of the item, whether it is brand new or used and in what state, is also very important.
- Use PayPal, etc. [After slagging it off in the previous review.]
Once I set up a PayPal account I found it much easier to pay for eBay items, as the hassle of cheques was gone. Items were being delivered the very next day... of course, don't get me strated on bow much I dislike PayPal on the seller side of things. I have heard that Nochex and other companies can be used also, however I don't know which to recommend as I'm unsure of the security and fees.
TIPS FOR SELLERS
I have had items, both old and new, in constant circulation on eBay over the last six months, although I don't consider myself to be an eBay seller guru of any kind. However, I have noticed a number of features that do seem to make items sell for more, especially in constrast to those of my Dad. [Just lord it rather than help him out.]
- Research
The essential part of eBay selling is to look for similar items already being sold and how much they will sell for, if anything at all. This can help you to determine your price depending on the item's popularity and condition.
- Make full use of the free tools
As a buyer I was always more please with an item description that showed attention to detail. While some features cost more to the seller, such as extra pictures, I find it is always very productive to make use of the HTML code in descriptions - using
for a new paragraph to break it up, [Apparently I used some html here which fucked up the review!]
- Invest when appropriate
With items which will sell for a higher price to a more specialised type of seller, I have found that adding extras to listings can help. A Buy It Now fee attached to an existing bid price can provide many buyers with an easy way out, possibly leaving you with more money than bids woul have made, and this only costs an extra 6 pence; every read my opinions on Dooyoo receives will help me in these Buy It Nows, so I thank you the reader as you have made all the difference. Extra pictures cost 12 pence, a little more expensive at two opinion reads but sometimes necessary, [Out-of-date eBay fees discussed in relation to obsolete dooyoo miles, this is the good shit!] while updates such as bold text and a featured option always seem a little too expensive for me. Something I would recommend is the gallery feature though, which I beleive costs 15 pence. Gallery items are those which include a picture beside the listing on the search pages, something which definitely attracts more buyers.
- Make it professional
A simpe point, but an important one. I have always felt more confident when buying from a seller who had used HTML tags and the like to one who has only included a single block of text without any extras. Creating a free ebay shop can add to your credibility, especially if you plan on mass sales, although mine didn't really do anything for me so I closed it. Ebay have recently updated the selling service to make it easier for those not ofay [He means 'au fait,' he heard it on Red Dwarf] with complicated HTML such as, again, my Dad.
- Don't use PayPal unless...
I would only recommend offering fast-buy options to mass- and veteran-sellers who receive many orders every day and prefer a fast system. As a seller I found that PayPal's charges were too high and unspecified, and once the money is in your account it can be confusing to redirect it to your bank. However, it all depends on your opinions of the system; it can certainly be annoying waiting eight days for a cheque to come.
N.B., although I am quite annoyed that someone's payment has not yet arrived, their name and location have been altered to avoid me seeming too angry. [Did I just joke-doxx someone and dooyoo removed it?]
- Sell things you like
Although part of the appeal of eBay is that you can get rid of things you don't like or need that much, once you get into the selling thing and start noticing bargains you can sell for a bit of profit, it's always easiest to sell things you are fond of. I have recently started selling DVD boxsets of sci-fi series like Farscape, which I have used ebay to buy in the past and am aware of their values and popularity.
That's about all I can think of to offer as advice, and I'm sure that anyone who has used eBay for a long time will have their own ways of doing things. Any criticism would be welcome for this review, although this is always what works for me. The only people who will be interested in my sales, now that I have nothing left in my collections to sell, will be those interested in sci-fi DVDs and the occasional heavy metal album, so obviously a large percentage of the population there (!) If you've ever sold to gunmenoftheapocalypse, that's yours truly! [Red Dwarf reference.]
Thanks for reading, now go over there and get bidding on things you like - although users more susceptible to Ciao/Dooyoo addiction may find this becomes a bit of a hook in itself, both for buyers and sellers alike.
Advantages: May get you interested in eBay, You may find the tips useful for buying & selling
Disadvantages: May get you TOO interested in eBay, Seller fees can become very high, You may find this advice rubbish
Dictionary.com
Vital! (adj.)
Written on 20.04.04
***** [So amazing, it even made my top 10! Rest assured, he'll have sex before the year's out]
As someone who unfortunately ends up spending a large amount of his life on the internet, it is important for me to present myself as someone who knows what he's talking about. Whether it's listing an item on eBay, posting on a forum, writing an e-mail or typing yet another review on music no one is interested in reading about on Dooyoo, I always want to show a grasp of spelling and language.
Dictionary.com is the most popular online dictionary due to its easy access; the search engine Google uses this website (explained later) while other people will come across it the same way I did, by guessing and investigating whether www,dictionary,com exists.
DICTIONARY.com's home page appears instantly and is fairly drab and uninteresting, possibly just as it should be. Anticipating the actions of virtually everyone who visits, the site's main 'Search' bar is instantly selected ready for the visitor to type their search. However, the page is also filled with quite useful links to similar websites:
FEATURED LINKS
FUN & GAMES - Not PacMan and Snake, but rather the kind of games that people who like words presumably like. A daily crossword for those who have missed 'Countdown', wordsearches, and some interesting (if a little silly) options. These include 'Phrase Invaders,' based on a badly designed and boring version of Space Invaders but with letters as opposed to aliens, and 'Maze.' Personally I would have preferred PacMan, but everyone gets bored and wants a word game at some time.
OTHER DICTIONARIES - A useful set of links to other websites, presumably owned and maintained by separate entities who pay Dictionary. com for the links. If you thought dictionary options only extended to English, French, German and Spanish then you are herein proved wrong; this section is filled with links to anatomical dictionaries, rhyming dictionaries for budding poets, medical, sign language, symbol, geographical and humanitarian dictionaries, as well as solicited links to other English dictionary websites.
TRANSLATOR - Useful for translating words from English to a variety of lanaguages, and vice-versa, but as its description states it is a 'simple translator.' Unlike AltaVista's quite good but largely inaccurate Babel Fish translator, this website admits that you still have to ask the school's German assistant (who smells). [Out of order! Even if true.]
LANGUAGE RESOURCES - An FAQ on the site and the use of grammar in English, as well as a Dictionary.com forum. It must be party time over there. [As opposed to here.]
WORD OF THE DAY - One of the more interesting bits as you can access it simply by looking at it and reading, rather than clicking your way around the net. Today's word is peremptory, and I have no idea what that means. Just because I've spent time navigating my way around the site for this review, I don't have to look up every word I come across.
THE DICTIONARY (.COM)
The backbone of the website is the dictionary itself, accessed by typing a word into the search bar and selecting 'dictionary.' To better explain the procedure involved, I will use the example of the word 'wallpaper.'
Typing wallpaper immediately brings up all the options necessary, without any long pauses. Results are given in terms of the type of word , whether it is a noun, verb, adverb, adjective, pronoun or whatever else exists. [Lazy.] Wallpaper brings up two nouns:
1. Paper often colored and printed with designs and pasted to a wall as a decorative covering.
2. Computer Science. A picture or design covering the background of a display screen.
So if you had ever been asked by a work colleague where you got your groovy wallpaper, be sure to inform them that there are two possible responses you could give and that they need to be more specific, lest you send them on a wild goose chase to B&Q when they had merely been admiring the bare lady behind your icons.
Of course, the word wallpaper is also a verb and so this is mentioned underneath:
v. To cover with or as if with wallpaper. [Extended example, this is better than some things I write now.]
With most popular words, there is also an extra source below from another website, WordNet, which is along similar lines. The blurb underneath the official definitions state that Dictionary.com's definitions have been taken from the American Heritage Book of the English Language, Fourth Edition, published in 2000: it is therefore very much up-to-date.
THESAURUS (.COM)
Something that is often overlooked is the site's Thesaurus option, allowing the visitor to search for alternate words to draw on. In the past I have increased my vocabulary greatly by using thesauruses such as this, and in this instance it is how I came to use the phrase 'draw on' rather than use, a couple of lines ago. In some ways, this is even more useful than the dictionary, especially when writing something designed to impress such as a coursework piece for school or college, and the search brings up alternatives for the word as well as pointing out where the word is included in other thesaurus lists. The thesaurus itself can be accessed by typing Thesaurus.com, although this takes you to thesaurus.reference.com, but it is still an offshoot of the Dictionary.com website, and they interlink.
ACCESSIBILITY (.COM)
Dictionary.com is a very useful website and can be accessed easily. When using Google to search for a word or a group of words, the results which are 'proper' words, and not just names like PacMan and Brian, will be underlined under the Google search bar; clicking these takes you to their definitions on Dictionary.com. As I said, don't search for Brian as the site only responds with "did you mean 'brain?'" [Wow, 2004 Google was dim.]
The only major downside to Dictionary.com visitors is that some of the less popular, and therefore less useful, words are only available to Dictionary.com premium members who have paid for membership. As far as I can tell, membership to this elite allows the member to hear audio clips of word pronunciations and probably a colourful avatar on the bustling Dictionary.com forum, I expect. This does make it feel a little cheaper as a site, as do the several popups which fling themselves at the monitor as soon as you visit the homepage. It's not as if people interested in word definitions would be interested in SmileyCentral, but they just don't get the picture. [Don't think that was intended as a pun.]
VERDICT.COM
Incredibly useful and recommended to anyone as an easily accessible dictionary, even if you know you've got one behind the tapes of the A-Team in your Dad's cupboard. The popups are annoying, but the service is great even to non-members, both for the dictionary and thesaurus, as well as the links to games. Let's face it, we'll all get bored enough to play online Hangman one day, although we would seldom [(s l d m). adv. Not often; infrequently or rarely. Middle English origin] admit it.
If you are ever in need of a dictionary or thesaurus, Dictionary.com is a great website to visit and stick in your Favourites, if you ever use these. Don't just take this advice from Frankingsteins, whose name suggests he has misinterpreted the pronounciation and spelling of a well-known name and is therefore unsuitable to offer advice, take it from the comedian Dave Gorman. He had a worldwide adventure based on the internet game of Googlewhacking, the principles of which indicate that two words must bring up one single result on Google and both must be listed in Dictionary.com. Perhaps he would have had an easier time if he's just got into Phrase Invaders.
Advantages: Incredibly useful for all your word-based needs, Can theoretically help achieve crowns on Dooyoo, Easy to access and navigate
Disadvantages: Sometimes difficult to find what you're looking for on the screen, Too mnay popups [The inevitable non-ironic spelling mistake. Why didn't these complaints take it down from five stars?]
Cash Converters [The only high street shop this penny-pincher cares about any more. High street's dead, mate.]
2-Storey Bargain Bin
Written on 21.04.04
***
Cash Converters is a chain of stores which buy and sell used products at low prices. At my local Cash Converters, the ground floor is filled with videos, DVDs, CDs, games, jewellery, musical instruments and all types of electronics, while the upper floor sells bicycles and sports/exercise equipment. A lot of people may wrongly imagine the stores to be badly designed and little more than a charity shop, but the products are arranged in appropriate displays.
Despite what many people think [Maverick], I find Cash Converters a great place to visit every time I'm in town, although my opinion is biased as I have only ever seen one side of this store chain's dealings: I have never been on the selling end, and for good reason.
WHAT'S TO BUY?
The main problem with the videos, DVDs, CDs, games, jewellery, musical instruments, electronics, bicycles and sports/exercise equipment is that it has been sold in the first place; someone wanted to get rid of it. While this may mean that the computer systems are dated and the televisions damaged, the videos and similar products are more subjective. For example, someone may have received a great comedy video for Christmas off their humorous and quite annoying Uncle and decided it's not for them.
VIDEOS: I have bought countless videos from Cash Converters in my time, although this is mainly countless as I can't remember the number over the last few years, and as such this is where most of my experience lies. Taking my local store in Crewe, Cheshire as the example upon which all others are based (quite wrongly in many ways) there are always plenty of popular Star Trek and X-Files videos that just don't sell anymore (mainly due to DVD releases) and Hollywood films.
Unfortunately, the majority of videos are cheap sell-through tapes that nobody really wanted the first time around, of which there are always at least three copies: these include 'Yoyo Tricks,' 'Classic Fairy Tales' and the ultimate Cash Converters title, 'Noel's Gotchas.' Occasionally however there some gems to be found, again a very subjective statement, especially when irate housewives secretly sell their husbands' BBC comedy collections so I can buy them.
There are more videos in my local Cash Converters than ever before, again largely due to DVDs, and this has led to numerous permanent promotions by the Crewe store. These include '5 Videos for £5' and '100 Videos for £50.' [Yes, I was still buying VHS in 2004.]
DVDs: These discs have been around longer than I would have expected [Not long enough for anecdotes, I see], and the store has amassed quite a supply of them. More expensive than videos, and much more easy to get rid of, these again suffer from being mostly awful.
GAMES: The shop used to stock a number of out-of-production Amiga titles, but has ceased trading in Amiga goods for several years. This is likely due to a lack of interest, and my self-proclaimed 'Amigan' Dad buying them all. Now the store sells a large variety of quite popular games for the X-Box, GameCube, Playstation 1 & 2 and PC. In this respect Cash Converters is the most overlooked: I'm sure many children and teenagers would buy some games here if they didn't assume it was a beefed-up Barnardos.
OTHER: I have never bought any of the more expensive products, but the same statements usually apply across the board. There may always be something you are interested in, but you may have to look hard. I also believe that the more expensive items will come with some form of guarantee.
SELLING
This is the main feature of Cash Converters that gets them a bad press in peoples' minds: they do not pay much for your goods at all. As they are now attempting to sell videos for 50p in some instances it would be impossible to expect any more than this amount for your second-hand videos, and they will only pay a few pounds for the most recent DVD. Sellers need to be at least 18 years of age, but can sell their items easily at the back counter, to which there is also an extra entrance/exit to the store (using the Crewe example again).
I am still happy to buy from Cash Converters, but I would recommend selling products directly to buyers through other means. I always have items listed on eBay, although if you do not wish to become involved in internet commerce and sending items by post, a good old-fashioned car boot sale can do the trick. And failing that, give your videos to relatives or friends, if they like them.
LAYOUT & SERVICE
As described earlier, Cash Converters is very well laid-out. The purple and red colour scheme is pleasing, and the staff at my local store are very friendly and willing to help. They are more the kind of enlightened and middle-aged people to point at your Manowar T-shirt and say "Manowar! Excellent!" rather than young, bored Big Macc salesmen.
You can pay for your goods in the same way as other shops, and they do accept card payments. Each transaction comes with a big, sturdy plastic bag that can be useful for putting your son's swimming kit in. Or whatever else you like using bags for.
VERDICT
Cash Converters' motto has always been 'A Better Way to Sell, a Great Place to Shop.' It's a shame that this is not completely accurate: this store is in fact one of the worst places to sell, but it is quick and simple if you live nearby. And while not a 'Great' place to buy things, there are occasional bargains and pleasant surprises. If you have a local Cash Converters I would recommend you at least have a look and see what you think, although in many ways it is simply a worse version of eBay. And if you've been after that video of 'Noel's Gotchas' for a while, you can rest assured that it will definitely be in there. [He's not bad at the callbacks.]
Advantages: Very cheap, Large stock
Disadvantages: Far too unreasonable when selling, A lot of items are in quite bad condition
BBCShop.com
Aunt Beeb's Superstore
Written on 26.04.04
***
BBCShop.com is the official online store for products released by, and relating to programmes of, the British Broadcasting Corporation. The website's homepage is a clear indication of the most popular products, as the site mainly deals in DVDs and videos of BBC television programmes, audio CDs of BBC radio programmes and books related to popular programmes.
PRODUCT RANGE
Obviously not a website for every taste, the BBC Shop is limited to BBC products, but there are a surprisingly high volume of these. From every DVD release the BBC have produced, including those that have now been deleted from other websites (usually for good reason) to books, computer programs and exclusive audio CDs. Unfortunately, there are not enough exclusives to gain the BBC a real competitive advantage, and they do not stock imports of their international releases not yet available in this country; from my perspective, these mainly extend to Region 1 DVD releases of shows such as Monty Python's Flying Circus and Blackadder, the American releases of these being far superior to the UK equivalents.
PRICES
Being the official distributor of a lot of the products allows the BBC to hold higher prices, in general, than competing sites, however there are occasionally good deals to be found. In a number of instances, similar products can be purchased together in 'Mixed Packs' to save a little money, which can mean grouping the DVDs of Red Dwarf's first four series and charging ten pounds less, or combining a DVD or video with the official script book of that series.
DELIVERY
It is the delivery times that the BBC Shop excels in, as my orders have usually been sent out and delivered the next day by special courier. There is no free delivery service, which lets the site down in comparison to Play.com and Amazon's 'super-saver delivery' policy, but the deliveries are a least reliable and secure. However much you buy, delivery to the UK costs £2.45, with EU delivery starting at £4.50 and increasing with more products.
VERDICT
An interesting shop to browse, but not usually the best price available. The fact that it is the BBC's official shop does endear buyers with some extra confidence, and it's likely that they will rarely run out of stock, but the problem mainly lies in the extent of the competition. There are no real community features such as reviews and price comparisons either.
If the BBC lowered some of its prices, or extended its range to more exclusive products, it would be more widely used.
Advantages: Prices have started to drop since Christmas, First class delivery, Orders can be taken by phone if desired
Disadvantages: No free delivery, Items usually cost more than elsewhere, Import titles are lacking
Pharmacy2U.co.uk
No More Embarrassment [Long story short: Dave bought some johnnies he'd shockingly get to use just eight months later]
Written on 28.04.04
*****
'Right, I've got some of your prescriptions here. Who's got the pox? Come on.'
(A man timidly puts his hand up)
'There you go. Right, who's got a boil on the bum? Boil on the botty?'
(Throws bottle to the only man standing up)
'Who's got the chest rash?'
(A woman with a large bosom puts up a hand)
'Have to get a bigger bottle. Who's got wind?'
(A man raises his hand, sitting by himself)
'Catch.'
Monty Python appreciated the embarrassment caused by a visit to the local pharmacy, and the invention of the internet now allows some people with embarrassing problems to receive treatments without having to look eye to eye with a shop assistant. Whether this means buying condoms, a pregnancy tester or desensitising spray, it is important to find a reliable supplier. Pharmacy2U.co.uk have competitive prices and are excellent at delivery.
PRODUCTS & NAVIGATION
The product range on the website is as vast as would be expected, and it is all categorised very neatly with side headings. They do seem a little eager to display their special offers and recommended products, but it is very quick and easy to reach what you are looking for. The categories at the side include Medicines, Home Help, Baby & Child, Perfumery and Men's Grooming, and a search bar is always present if you know the name of the product. Some products may be out of stock, and this is usually indicated, but in most cases there will be alternatives at hand. In cases where a medicine or health product is being purchased, as opposed to something simple like a razor, the website asks for some brief medical details to ensure the product is suitable, which is a very useful and friendly touch.
PAYMENT & POSTAGE
Pharmacy2U are a website that cannot offer free postage, but attempt to persuade the customer to make larger transactions to reduce their costs. Postage to the UK is a standard £2.50 for the order, no matter how many products you buy (within reason). They accept all the usual forms of payment such as credit or debit cards, and orders can be made over the phone for people wary of giving their card and bank details over the internet.
PERSONAL EXPERIENCE: NYTOL [Forgot about this. Maybe stop drinking two litres of supermarket cola a day?]
My reason for discovering this site was through curiosity and a desire to find low prices, as I had been very interested in getting hold of the sleep aid, Nytol. I'm not an insomniac in the style of the guy from the excellent movie 'Fight Club,' but I often have difficulty getting to sleep, especially when under a little stress. With my A-level exams on the fast-approaching horizon, I reasoned it was as good a time as any to try out the product I had vowed to try for over six months, as recently I had not looked forward to the chore of trying to get to sleep. But don't get depressed, it has a happy ending.
Pharmacy2U had the lowest price for Nytol capsules out of the other sites I looked at and searched for, at roughly half the usual price. The delivery cost meant I would have paid the same price as elsewhere, so I made sure I bought a few packs amongst other things. The confirmation e-mail arrived very soon, surprising as I made the order very late in the day, and it promised a 'discreet' case. It seems that the company have realised the opportunity for customers to buy somewhat embarrassing products, so this is very considerate of them- and it arrived after one working day.
And as for the Nytol , I've used it a few times and it's very good. The other nights I've managed to get a good sleep on my own.
VERDICT
The website is easy to navigate, and has some excellent prices. If I ever needed to buy a desensitising spray for my genitalia, this is the first site I would look at. Not that I do need such a product as I don't, even if you have heard otherwise, it was just an example. I have read an opinion on Dooyoo regarding someone's order that was not shipped in full, and which had a product delayed for a long time before it was back in stock; if this had happened to me I wouldn't be so quick to recommend it, but that was several years ago and I have not had any problems so far.
The prices may not be as low as competitors for some products, and in many cases a visit to the local pharmacy would prove more beneficial, but next time I need some Nytol, and if I ever need a pregnancy testing kit, this will be my first port of call.
Advantages: Low prices, Reliable and quick delivery, Extensive list of products
Disadvantages: Could be easier to visit Boots
Musica.co.uk
Give Them a Missa
Written on 29.04.04
***
Musica is a website I discovered while searching for low prices on the internet. They stock a wide selection of CDs and DVDs at low prices, but there are reasons behind their low rating here on Dooyoo.
MUSIC(A)
As inferred by the site's name, Musica.co.uk is primarily a supplier of music CDs to the UK, but they also deliver elsewhere. The site has a very extensive range of CDs, often at low prices, and if the website were better managed I would certainly recommend it. If you are looking for a rare CD, chances are that they will have it at quite a low price, and they also have a selection of spoken word and radio show collections.
DVDsA
Musica have a fairly large selection of popular and less mainstream DVDs, although a quick glance at their DVD recommendations on the home page indicates that everyone would be better off buying from elsewhere. There is literally nothing to attract visitors to the website who already have knowledge of more established companies such as Play.com, Amazon or DVD.co.uk. [What's the point of competition?]
PAYMENT & POSTAGEA
Postage to the UK is free of charge, and £1 to Europe, £1.50 to the rest of the world. This is another area in which the website redeems itself, as well as their policy of "you can return anything you don't like." Very kind of them. Payment is listed as all the major credit and debit cards, as well as PayPal.
PERSONAL EXPERIENCEA
The aspect of the website that attracted me in the first place was that they accept payments from PayPal; this eBay-owned method of payment is very useful when making eBay transactions, but is very difficult to get rid of if PayPal do not support your building society account. There is a problem that can generally be applied to sites that accept PayPal however, and this is that they are clearly desperate to attract custom through whatever means are necessary. PayPal always take a cut of payments sent, and while a website such as 101CD.com will request an extra pound to cover the fees, Musica are only too happy to allow the customer a transaction free of extra charges. Seeing this as a sign of trust and reliability was my first mistake.
I haven't really been mistreated by Musica, in fact the customer service responses have been prompt, but I was told that an order I had placed would take four weeks, and I cancelled it after waiting for six. I am now waiting to get my PayPal money refunded, something that may take a long time.
VERDICTA
Musica have low prices for CDs, but these can usually be found elsewhere. And as this is the only real appeal of the site, which can take a long time to get orders in and even longer to reply to or recognise customers, I would not recommend it. Here are websites I would recommenda:
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Amazon.co.uk - Not always the best prices, but probably the most reliable. Dooyoo miles can be exchanged for Amazon vouchers.
Play.com - The country's leading online DVD specialists. I have bought from Play on many occasions and have only ever had a couple of problems with items not being in stock. Often cheaper than Amazon, but without the range of products. Free postage.
101CD.com - This site also accepts PayPal payments and is fairly reliable. They have some really low prices for CDs.
DVD.co.uk - Cheaper than Play.com, but a little less reliable. Free postage to UK.
EBay.co.uk - One of my favourite websites, eBay is a great place to shop for bargains on everything. Just be wary of dodgy buyers and sellers.
Advantages: Low prices for CDs, Returns policy, Free postage to UK
Disadvantages: High DVD prices
Zone Labs ZoneAlarm [Think I was still using this until about 2013, congrats!]
Always Use Protection [Dave's still thinking about his condoms]
Written on 30.04.04
*****
ZoneAlarm is one of the most well-known firewalls that can be used by any Microsoft or Macintosh computer or laptop, and possibly others. Manufactured by Zone Labs, the program is completely reliable, useful and discreet, and the best thing about ZoneAlarm is that it is completely free.
WHY USE A FIREWALL?
It now seems naïve to me that an internet user would not be protected by a firewall of some kind, but the truth is that both of my family's recent computers were using the internet for several years, completely naked and without protection. Looking back I can see that we did experience minor problems, but it was the upsurge in damaging and mischievous viruses early last year that led to our computer's failure.
There are countless viruses made by hackers for a bit of fun or with nefarious motives, but most people will be familiar with large-scale programs such as 'Microsoft Blast' which caused almost every unprotected computer, in my local area at least, to receive an automatic shutdown message within a minute of being online. [Shit nostalgia.] My brother claimed to find this celebration of attacking Microsoft very funny, but you could see in his eyes he was crying "why? Why can't I play anymore?"
With the security of a good firewall, internet users can go about their business safe in the knowledge that any intrusive programs are being blocked from their systems, with any potential existing viruses not being permitted to go about their evil ways.
GETTING ZONEALARM
The free version of ZoneAlarm can be very easily and quickly downloaded from zonelabs.com, the official website. The download is fast, and completes in sufficient time for Broadband internet users to receive it in full even if they have been attacked by the shutdown notification. Once downloaded, ZoneAlarm asks for some simple details, mostly for your own use, but these do not need to be filled in. After politely asking whether you would mind the computer resetting in order to make the program take effect, ZoneAlarm is ready to go.
There is an extensive package called 'ZoneAlarm Pro' that can be purchased from the website, but for my needs the free version is more than adequate, as it would be for most people.
FEATURES
Once ZoneAlarm has been installed, its icon minimises to the toolbar on the right of the screen, apologies if any non-Windows users are reading this and things happen differently on your computers, and remains pretty much unseen for the rest of its life. The only times it springs to the user's attention is when a program is run that is attempting internet access, with boxes allowing you to select whether or not it should be allowed access. Selecting the "remember this preference" box will allow that program (such as Internet Explorer, Media Player or an online game) to access the internet every time, unless you manually cancel the preference.
Every so often, ZoneAlarm will receive an update alert from its homepage and ask whether the user would like to update; this seems to happen once every couple of months. It's always a good idea to do as it suggests in the constantly changing internet world, and the only problem with this is that the program goes offline temporarily before the update is in effect.
Selecting the ZoneAlarm icon when in use allows the user to personalise it further, selecting whether or not to protect information such as e-mail addresses (the defauly is always 'yes' on these settings), and providing the list of programs that the user has decreed can or cannot have access. It is all very straightforward and professional; your little bouncer mate in the corner of the screen.
VERDICT
If your computer is already protected by a firewall, there is no real reason to download ZoneAlarm, although the reason my brother downloaded it in the first place was because the McAffe program my mother had bought proved as effective as a glass of mineral water underwater. [Not a Blackadder-level simile slam.] There are a large number of programs that will perform all the same functions as the free version of ZoneAlarm, but I have been using it for almost a year without any problems whatsoever.
Yes, this opinion's title is intended to be a pun on contraceptives, and I feel I should point out at this juncture that these should always be used as well. As with ZoneAlarm, the better ones have to be bought but you can usually find a good one for free.
Advantages: Quick and easy to download, Doesn't interfere with your internet use (only in a good way), Downloaded for free
Disadvantages: Requires regular updates [You want the moon on a stick]
Babelfish.altavista.com
Don't Give in to Temptation [Dave's thinking about his condoms again]
Written on 02.05.04
*
Altavista's Babelfish translator is one of the most widely-used internet translators, with a vast databank of words from an impressive number of languages. Unfortunately the website has a major flaw, which is that it is rubbish.
WHAT'S WITH THE NAME?
The Babel Fish was one of the more interesting ideas from the late Douglas Adams' book 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy,' and was an alien fish that fed off excess brain waves and, as a side-effect, allowed anyone who chose to stick it down their earhole the ability to instantly understand any language. The fact that something so unbelievably helpful could naturally exist was then used as evidence to support the non-existence of God, which is a long story.
Unfortunately in reality there are no Star Trek universal translators or Farscape translator microbes, which provides work for those skilled at languages, headaches for students who have to learn the correct use of the passive tense for their impending German A-level exams, and allows for humorous anecdotes regarding former US presidents and Berlin cakes.
LAYOUT & FUNCTION
The Babelfish is very straight forward to use. A block of text of up to 150 words, or single words alone, can be typed into the box, and then the translation can be selected from a drop-down list, whether it is English to Chinese, German to English or French to Spanish. There is also the option to translate a web page if you provide the URL address.
This is pretty much all there is to the site, although it does feature an advertisment at the side and the option to add Babelfish to your own website.
PERSONAL EXPERIENCES
I admit that my opening statement of 'rubbish' is a little vague and somewhat undeserved, but in the past I have relied on the translator and been badly let down, which taught me a few lessons about putting the required effort into language studies.
When typing my German coursework on the computer, a subject you may have guessed I studied from the rather personal approach of the last section, I found that the Babelfish machine is no good at correctly translating German grammar, even some simple matters such as adjective endings determined by the gender of words. Such mistakes are to be expected, but I also found many german words to be missing from the translator.
RECOMMENDATION
I would not recommend Babelfish for any reason based on my experiences, however it is possible that it has more success with other languages. The website is acceptable as a quick translator for independent words, but I would advise against trying to translate sentences.
The option to translate a foreign web page used to be an added bonus, but the search engine Google now has a fairly reliable translator next to all website links in a different language. Again, this is not accurate, but in some cases it can give a general impression of the subject matter.
For any GCSE or A-level students, the best advice I can give is to use a dictionary to look up translations, and to ensure you have learnt the necessary grammar you have been taught to form your own sentences. Babelfish's very existence is a little too tempting and destructive, the siren of the internet that lures desperate modern foreign languages students to their demise. Or something like that. [Bloody students.]
Don't take it from me, take it from my school's horrified German assistant and her red pen, and she's the real McCoy so she knows what she's talking about. [I actually used Babelfish to do my coursework then.] In the case of other languages, I would suggest you locate the nearest French, Italian or Japanese person you see in the street and make them do your coursework for you. I don't do that though. [You'd have to go outside first.]
Advantages: Can quickly translate single words or very brief phrases, Simple to use
Disadvantages: No substitute for the human touch, A little too tempting, Fails to translate grammar correctly, as verified by my school's German assistant [He eventually got a C at A-level, which doubtless would have been worse without the unappreciated German assistant correcting all his coursework for him]
Pop-Up Stopper
Pop Off
Written on 08.05.04
***
I downloaded the Panicware 'Pop-Up Stopper' a couple of weeks ago after reading an overwhelmingly positive Dooyoo review, but I soon realised that in many cases it could be more annoying than helpful. This review is not meant as a criticism of the recent review that informed me of this software, in fact that was an excellent review that I nominated for a crown [£1.50, where the real money lay], but it's not for me.
FREE DOWNLOAD
The pop-up stopper does what it promises, for the most part, and it is a free download from panicware.com. This immediately stops me from having any major problems with it, as a legitimate software upgrade that doesn't cost anything makes the largely-corporate world of the internet a much better place. The file is not too large and is therefore quick and easy to download with any speed modem, and the install is straightforward.
Once Pop-Up Stopper (which I shall hereafter refer to as PUS to save time and space, and hopefully confuse readers who have not read this explanation in brackets) has been installed, the 'finger' icon sits obediently in that area of the screen's taskbar next to the clock, where all you miniscule icons end up (on a Windows system at least, apologies if yours is different). Every time you log on to your area or your computer, the software brings up a brief start-up box in the centre of your screen in a similar way to applications such as Microsoft Word, when it is loaded.
ADVANTAGES
When one of those little and annoying pop-ups get ready to... um, pop up on your screen and taskbar, PUS detects them and stops them from appearing, although occasionally it slips up- but it is a freebie after all.
PUS is especially useful on sites that like to throw loads of pop-ups in your direction. Unlike Dooyoo, with its one permanent advertisement and its occasional friends, sites which are a chore to load up - such as Dictionary.com and anything my brother goes on - become a great deal less frustrating.
FAILINGS
Here we go then. I don't have any major issues with PUS; in fact I admire its existence and its abilities, but there are lots of tiny aspects of the software that basically just get on my nerves. The main problem with pop-ups is that they get in the way when the internet user is trying to view, or perform actions on, a page, and the pauses that PUS takes when blocking an ad are just as annoying. The mouse pointer becomes a tiny symbol, an indication that it is operational and doing what it's been told, so I'm not much better off having this software installed.
The additional features of the free version of PUS are limited, which is very fair, but even these do not always work; today I tried investigating a feature that would apparently tell me the history of its operations, but this soon crashed and took a while for me to cancel. But the real icing on the bitter tasting cake of minor frustration came when, after a day of using PUS, one of the Dooyoo adverts popped up anyway. It is quite fallible.
DOOYOO AND THE PUS
I haven't deleted or uninstalled PUS, but I never visit Dooyoo with it switched on. Every single time a Dooyoo page loads, whether it's the welcome page, my profile, a review, or a review after I've clicked the rating button, Dooyoo sends a pop-up and PUS blocks it. This means that I get the annoying dormant cursor effect many times, and it isn't worth it; I much prefer allowing the permanent advert to load, keeping it hidden, and continuing without it. As for the pus, it's clearing up nicely. And my cat's alright too.
VERDICT
A pop-up stopper is a nice asset to own, whether it has been downloaded, paid for, or part of an internet browser such as the popular Opera [I was no fool], but I found too many tiny grievances with this software, and have found myself audibly sighing and occasionally even swearing through clenched teeth when my mouse pointer suddenly ceases to be operational.
"Even better: switch me on, switch me off, like some battery-powered sex aid" - Arnold Judas Rimmer, Red Dwarf
I have given PUS three out of five stars as it is still a very good program, especially as it's free, and it has another excellent feature: it can be switched off. This may sound like a sarcastic comment, but this means that I can leave PUS running when I'm on sites that may bombard me with adverts, and a simple double-click can turn it off when I'm on Dooyoo (explained earlier) or viewing a friendly pop-up. It's not a program that takes over your system, so on that basis I would recommend it, although there will definitely be better versions out there. Until I find an adequate substitute, I guess I'm stuck with the PUS.
Advantages: Blocks most ads, Can be switched on and off, Free download, but updates can be bought
Disadvantages: Very annoying, Doesn't always work
Nationwide.co.uk [I bet he mentions his friend's attractive older sister who works in Nationwide again]
Function over Seduction [Certainly looks like it]
Written on 21.05.04
***** [Watch out Dictionary.com, we've got another five-star favourite!]
Nationwide's website is easy to use, convenient and very secure. Although by its very nature as a building society's online information centre it is relatively devoid of excitement and nice colours it has proven invaluable to me in checking on my funds and earnings when buying a stream of unnecessary CDs and DVDs off the internet to keep me amused.
COMMON FEATURES
When visiting the website, internet users are presented with a guide to the essential features of Nationwide building society for reference. Category tabs provide all the necessary information for those interested in loans, investments, mortgages, credit cards, pensions, savings, insurance and banking, however the primary reason that most Nationwide customers visit the website is to sign in and check on, or make to changes to, their building society account.
ACCOUNT MANAGEMENT
Once a customer has signed in, their accounts show up separately on the screen with brief indications of how much money is contained within them. Selecting an account takes the user directly to a Mini Statement of recent transactions, although there are options to view the full statement with options of how far back to track the account; all of this is free, and doesn't require the customer to stand in front of a cash machine waiting for reels of statements to print.
From these account screens it is also very easy for a customer to access information on overdrafts or initiate payment transfers, while the customary 'preferences' section allows the user to further customise the presentation of their account. This is still strictly business however, and there is no Stingray theme available for use as the backdrop. [Kids.]
CUSTOMER SERVICE
A major advantage of the internet bank over the traditional branches is that you can ask important financial questions, with the details readily at hand, at all hours of the day and night. The site offers a 48-hour reply promise, and I have always received a helpful, if slightly robotic reply within this time period. [Stop bothering them with your petty queries, they have adults to serve.] Frequently Asked Questions and a Help section are also at hand to answer questions you may have, and to bring new questions to light that you can then answer for yourself and so on to infinity etc.
SECURITY
The log-in system was updated last year for even greater security, and although it can be a little tedious having to go through the stages every time you log on, it does give me greater confidence in my account's security. By ticking a box, users can ask their computers to store the long and complex account number, and there are two further steps which have to be performed manually on each visit.
The first is 'Memorable Data,' which can be one of many pieces of information provided when the member signed up for online banking. I found it difficult to remember what I might have inputted in terms of a place and a memorable date (falling into the trap of deliberately avoiding the obvious but then forgetting the clever alternative immediately), but thankfully I remembered what I had put for memorable person, and this is what I input each time. [Helpfully narrowing down the possibilities there.]
A box underneath used to ask for the user's six digit pass-code, but this was modified to three drop-down boxes that ask for individual numbers out of the six; for example, '6th digit,' '4th digit' and '1st digit.' [Worthwhile example there.] Once the customer has completed his or her business on the site, it is always recommended that instead of simply closing the internet browser window, users select the prominent 'Sign Off' icon as an extra security measure.
VERDICT
As someone who uses the internet for almost all transactions it is very useful for me to have my financial information at hand all the time. It was very easy to set up an e-Savings account, which provides a larger rate of interest than the already very competitive Flex-Account, and any time the balance in my Flex-Account reaches around a hundred pounds - I must stress that I am a young person who has never done a day's work and whose main sources of income are eBay and Dooyoo [Not going to change for three and a half years, apart from the student loan] - I can deposit most of the money immediately into the e-Savings account, something I make sure always has a balance divisible by five or ten for ease of measurement.
I still have to visit the local Nationwide branch to deposit cheques, but online payments methods mean that I hardly ever have to do this any more; this is a shame as the ladies that work there are all very pleasing to look at while waiting in a queue, and one day I will marry them all (assuming that each consecutive marriage falls apart due to the flimsy nature of the relationship and attraction). [There it was.]
Until that day, the online Nationwide facility is incredibly handy and easy to navigate, and makes me confident that I will never have any problems with hackers and similar gits. [Gits will come.]
Advantages: Secure, useful and dependable, Information on all aspects of the building society, Excellent and prompt customer service [Stop bothering them]
Disadvantages: Log-in is a little annoying for regular visitors, Not all services can be performed online
Amazon.co.uk [Sell-out]
The Extra £5
Written on 28.05.04
*****
Most internet shoppers will be familiar with Amazon, and regular writers on Dooyoo often take the opportunity to convert their Dooyoo miles into UK Amazon vouchers when they have earned enough. The website does not have the best prices on the internet, but it is very reliable, extensive and enjoyable to browse.
RANGE OF PRODUCTS
Amazon sell loads. Seriously, the only reason you could fail to be surprised by the range of products on sale from Amazon is if you were already fully aware of it, and even then you would have been surprised at some point in the past. Many people associate Amazon with books, as they are one of the most reliable and well-stocked suppliers of reading material in the country [This was before proper ebooks, I think], but the advertisements on their home page are more eager to point customers in the direction of the 'Electronics & Photo' section, as well as big-sellers such as DVDs and video games, the DVD release of the third Lord of the Rings film being highlighted this month.
Following is the list of all the sections on Amazon: Books, Electronics & Photo, Music, DVD, Video, Software, PC & Video Games, Home & Garden, Toys & Kids!, Travel.
The only areas in which I am experiences [Sic] are that [Sic] of books, music and DVD, although the layout of all is very similar and should apply across the board. The Amazon search bar is the only sure-fire way of finding what you're after amidst the rest of the stock, unless you are looking for something very new or very popular, but sub-categories are provided if you enjoy browsing through web pages. Special Offers are always indicated by a link, and there can be some very competitive offers if you have the patience.
In my experience of books, music and DVDs, Amazon almost always stock everything I am interested in, but sometimes the lack thereof is puzzling; I can understand them not stocking limited edition CDs by obscure bands you haven't even heard of but which I have (you fool) [An uncool Stewart Lee], but they sometimes have rather obvious gaps that other prominent websites do not, even for new DVD releases.
DELIVERY
Unlike other websites, the variety of items shipped daily by Amazon means they cannot offer a free delivery option (free deliveries from Play.com don't include heavy books after all), but Amazon do employ 'Super Saver Delivery' to encourage customers to spend more. It works. By spending £25 or over, all customers in the UK can receive free delivery to their homes, albeit by second class post, although the amount of '£12.99'-style prices on the website does make it very frustrating and often impossible to hit the £25 exactly [I was wise to their games], the closest alternative being around £25.94 or something in that vicinity.
Amazon are excellent at deliveries though, and I've never had any delays from the Super Saver or First Class services. Everything I've ordered has come in the firm's own cardboard packaging, varying in size from thin folded packets to large boxes, and this is probably better for the environment than plastic envelopes. ["Probably."] Still, the £25 thing is annoying at times, especially when you only wish to spend your £20 worth of gift vouchers from Dooyoo. [I was wise to their games.]
CUSTOMER REVIEWS
Taking a leaf out of the book owned by the excellent website Dooyoo, or perhaps just not, Amazon encourage a system of consumer opinions on products to help encourage prospective buyers, or point them in the direction of another product (preferably more expensive). There doesn't seem to be any form of bias in showing reviews however, although I expect there is a system to censor bad language, and other customers or visitors can rate each review on its usefulness.
Although there may be differing opinions on these differing opinions, I am a big fan of them, as they give a personal view on something I'm interested in, and have been very helpful in pointing out advantages and disadvantages in a way that, when well written, give me a clear indication of my own feelings about the product. Sort of a mini Dooyoo without the financial rewards, sense of community or technical bugs. [Stab.]
MARKETPLACE SELLERS
In the metaphysical basement of the theoretical Amazon building sits the dank and somewhat smelly realm of the Amazon Marketplace, a sub-division of Amazon that can hold great bargains as well as unbelievable extortion. 'Z-shops' [Weird] and verified Marketplace companies are usually very reliable in supplying lower priced or more extensive ranges of products, especially of you can link to their official websites, but sometimes individual sellers will attempt to exploit the naivety of some internet shoppers, turning this whole community into a sort of rubbish version of eBay.
I have been very satisfied with import CDs I have bought from American companies, but over the last year I have realised that it's usually a lot more beneficial to visit other websites: Amazon's seller charges are quite high compared to those of eBay, so sellers naturally have to compensate by raising their prices a little. I've never sold on Amazon, but I'm told that charges are only taken when your item sells, but the cost is around 17% of the sale to the seller. eBay.com or internet searches should always lead to something more beneficial than the Amazon Marketplace.
AMERICAN ADVANTAGES
It's often difficult to tell whether '.com' indicates an American or international site, but in the case of Amazon it is the former. eBay.com is an international site however, with some great bargains and sellers from all nations, so go check that out. All Amazon.com prices are in US dollars and although international delivery is available and encouraged, no one outside the US can benefit from Super Saver deliveries.
This website does have its advantages though, even to someone living in the UK. More obscure items that are either not listed or not available for sale on Amazon UK can be found on the US site, something I discovered when searching for a very specific edition of the film 'Nosferatu' on DVD [For a complete scrounger, I was surprisingly specific in my preference of silent film prints, tinting and scores], although I mainly use the website for reference. The customer reviews, mentioned earlier, are often found in greater quantity on the US site, offering personal opinions on books, CDs and films that are not available elsewhere.
The layout of the American site is slightly more complex and less pleasing to the eye than the British site, and this makes it harder to view similar products or compare prices, but there some nice features such as the 'Search Inside' option for books, allowing a very brief but occasionally decision-making look at the first few pages of novels or art books available for sale.
There are not too many bargains to be found by importing from Amazon.com, as the delivery charges will likely outweigh any difference between pounds and dollars you may have noticed, so I'd only recommend the site for research purposes or getting hold of specialist items. And in broad terms, America's where the real Amazon river is anyway which, while highly irrelevant, may influence some less wise peoples' decisions over where to shop. [I quite like the deliberately confusing digressions in these consumer reviews.]
VERDICT
Once you are signed in to Amazon, your internet browser remembers who you are (as long as you don't delete the temporary files), and it shocked me at first just how well Amazon seem to 'know' you. [Ain't seen nothing yet.] Every time I visit I see 'Dave's Store' as an option, replacing the generic 'Your Store' for those not signed in, and although this often features well anticipated links to products I'm interested in, based on my purchases and views, most of the time they're not very interesting. Still, it's nice to be greeted in the morning.
Amazon do have some disadvantages over other websites, but most of the arguments that could be put forward would be unnecessarily perfectionist; after all, their stock is far more extensive than high street shops and suppliers, and the prices are often better as well. I'll never stop suggesting that people should compare prices at other websites, especially for DVDs and music, but Amazon does dwarf almost all of these with its reliability and security.
Advantages: Extensive range of products, Excellent delivery service, Consumer reviews [You're not convincing me that's a plus]
Disadvantages: Prices aren't too competitive, Sometimes lacking in specific products
Hotmail.com
HotMales.cum [Clickbait pioneer]
Written on 12.06.04
****
Okay, I haven’t received that particular one but plenty of my spam comes close. Microsoft Hotmail is arguably the most popular free e-mail service and its adaptability to Windows ensures that it is the first choice for many people. Many internet dwellers despise its very existence, but as usual there are advantages and disadvantages to the service.
WHAT IS IT?
Hotmail is the Microsoft corporation’s free internet-based e-mail provider, however upgrades can be purchased for extended use and features. Signing up for an e-mail address is free and very straightforward, and the extent to which the user’s Hotmail account is used as their primary account can be sorted through the Outlook Express program.
As Hotmail offers a free service there are obvious limitations and a few drawbacks, and for this reasons [Sic] most internet surfers [Retro] with a Hotmail account will use it in addition to their primary e-mail account; there can be a number of problems when the two are allowed to intermingle. A Hotmail ‘account’ (e-mail address) can also be used in conjunction with the MSN Messenger program and Microsoft community groups if desired. [So it is actually an account, not an 'account.']
WHY IS IT?
As most people use Microsoft’s Windows program to run their computers, the company ensured that this free service would be easily adaptable to Windows systems. In some ways it can be seen as the idiot’s easy e-mail service, although its functions and effectiveness show that it’s much more than that. An e-mail address is often vital for internet users who desire membership to sites such as Dooyoo, or who wish to shop at online shops and auction sites, and Hotmail is a fairly secure method of doing this.
ADVANTAGES
Hotmail is fairly similar to other free e-mail providers, however those who wish to integrate it more fully into their systems will find it very easy to access, especially if they are alerted to new mail while using Microsoft’s god-awful Messenger service (apologies, I tried keeping this review fairly unbiased). [I resented Messenger for stealing all of my friend.] The Hotmail site itself can be customised with folders in order to separate the different genres of pornography sent to you by valued, but a bit strange, friends [...Oh yeah, this is actually true] and sending an e-mail is also made easier through the ability to save common contacts’ e-mail addresses. Attachments can be added to e-mails but these have to stay fairly small.
DRAWBACKS
Many people despise Hotmail and Microsoft in general for their monopolistic hold over the international computer and software markets, however this service is relatively problem free. The amount of space provided for each user is limited to 2 MB [This is a good bit of trivia], which can fill up very fast if the user receives many e-mails, and there are common problems with the server capacity: a blank screen with “the server is too busy” is a very common sight.
Spam, junk e-mail sent automatically to a number of e-mail addresses, is also an issue with Hotmail as its popularity leads many companies to calculate e-mail addresses and send these unfortunate people their groundbreaking new solutions for penis enlargement methods, all of which are naturally guaranteed. Hotmail’s junk mail filter is effective at singling out most of these, however it does slip up and mistake newsletters and private messages for junk mail on occasion.
VERDICT
I use Hotmail, but not as my primary e-mail account and there are several reasons for this. Firstly, it’s down to the simple matter of the site’s appearance: like many people I’ve experienced trouble with Windows in the past and I prefer not be reminded of this by the blue colour scheme and four-colour butterfly and window motifs all over the place. The servers are also very prone to becoming ‘busy’ at important times of the day and, in general, I don’t feel I can trust Hotmail with my account details.
I’m not an anti-Windows person really, partly because it’s very easy to use despite its problems and secondly because I’m too lazy to bother seeking out another system, but I get a better vibe off using the free e-mail provided by ‘Yahoo!’ which is more customisable and more aesthetically pleasing. [Gmail from 2007.] I wouldn’t recommend customising Outlook Express to your Hotmail account as any spam you start receiving will likely be permanent and can only really go on the increase.
Hotmail presents a very easy and quick way to set up a new e-mail account and can be used in situations where an address is required for a site, but you wish to protect more important addresses from spam. It’s not the site’s fault that it can become overcrowded and this is after all a free service, however I don’t have any experience of the upgrades which can be purchased. Free e-mail services suit all of my needs perfectly. I still prefer to use Yahoo though; they even have a ‘.co.uk’ option there.
The eleventh Rule of Acquisition states, “even if it’s free, you can always buy it cheaper.” This is of no relevance here. [More reviews should end on an unexplained Star Trek non-sequitur.]
Advantages: It's free, It's easy, It's fairly reliable
Disadvantages: Quite small inbox capacity, Spam filters can slip up, Reeks of Microsoft [Shut up, you'll stick lazily with Windows forever]
Ticketweb.co.uk
Live Sh*t: Fringe & Purge [Wonder if this obscure Metallica reference will be left unexplained]
Written on 22.06.04
****
It’s a shame that only Metallica fans will appreciate that title.
The name ‘Ticketweb’ conjures an image of a monopolistic and extortionate internet company, the primary goal of which is to acquire all the tickets of popular entertainment shows and sell them to desperate people at the last minute at heinous prices. Fortunately, this is not the case; Ticketweb simply sounds similar to Ticketmaster, a company that, while popular, is also infamous for such actions.
In fact, Ticketweb is a very reliable and reasonable supplier of tickets to all manner of shows, although I would say it is geared a little more towards comedy and entertainment shows than music concerts. While Ticketweb haven’t exactly helped me in my darkest hour in the way that other people on Dooyoo have found, they nonetheless presented an opportunity to me before their competitors.
EDINBURGH 2004
Comedian and general Christ among men Richard Herring (you should check out his daily journal at his website www.richardherring.com, it’s mostly great) is performing his new show ‘The Twelve Labours of Hercules Terrace’ at the hugely popular Edinburgh Fringe festival this summer, and this was my main motivation in wanting to attend this event that was so often the best way to see new talent that would soon become big on the television, that I could then say I saw first and pull a deservedly smug grin as I would clearly be better than whoever I was talking to. Although I wouldn’t do this. I realised it would probably be a fairly costly endeavour, however Richard Herring cautioned visitors to his website to book their tickets to all shows early to avoid disappointment, and I had some time spare on Sunday. [This was presumably before I contacted him and my actual face got into that show, or I'd be going on about it.]
The official site of the Fringe, edfringe.com, is now selling tickets to all shows at very fair prices, although on Sunday it was not yet providing this service. A little foolishly (but not too much so) I decided to beat the rush and get my tickets on Sunday, and Ticketweb was the first site I came across. [Enjoyably naive to worry that one date late in Richard Herring's month-long run would sell out two months in advance before tickets were even widely available.]
NAVIGATION
The site is very easy to locate and features the usual links to ‘hot selling’ gigs and festivals on the home page, as well as a search facility that can be narrowed down by venue and date, and the customary ‘help desk,’ ‘shopping cart’ and ‘order status’ options. I wasn’t exactly faced with a navigational dilemma when a large red box featured the legend ‘Edinburgh Fringe Festival 2004,’ and this led to a sub-section of the site with a number of events listed, although not all of them. Purchasing each set of tickets by date was straightforward, and they even remained in the virtual shopping basket when the internet crashed (surprisingly, as these kind of mistakes never happen with Windows do they?) [You're on Windows for life, just appreciate it] and I had to open a new browser. As I didn’t have any problems with my order I was unable to experience the customer service, although e-mail confirmation of my order was sent instantly and included all the necessary information.
PRICES & DELIVERY
The average price of each show was around £10, although there were a few pounds added to my order overall so the site could line its non-existent pockets with my very existent money, but it was very fair. I chose for my tickets to be mailed to me through first class post (I figured I might as well get into the Fringe mentality of allowing financial concerns to wait until later on) and they arrived this morning, one working day later. The shows that weren’t listed on Ticketweb I had to buy from elsewhere on Monday, and this showed me that the ticket costs are reasonably universal.
VERDICT
I’d recommend Ticketweb for a very reliable service, however there are a few points that they make very clear which caused me to pause: firstly, tickets are non-refundable, and if there are any errors in the tickets sent, there is only a brief period in which they can be replaced. This made me glad I had stayed up until about 3 the previous night planning my two day stint, but it could present problems when buying in bulk and attempting to persuade friends and associates to use them.
Sticking with the Edinburgh example, the charges are also a little steep in comparison to the edfringe.com site that I used to buy the ‘other half’ of my tickets, and if I were to do it again I would have bought them all together as they are not yet selling out. [And won't.] I’m still quite glad that I bought these quickly however, as I was guaranteed tickets to the main shows and primary reasons I wanted to attend the festival: Stewart Lee’s show and Richard Herring’s ‘Twelve Tasks of Hercules Terrace.’ [Richard's show has apparently changed its title during the course of this review.]
I still haven’t got round to booking accommodation though. [I'm just glad you're getting out.]
Advantages: Reliable and reasonably priced, Very fast delivery and secure service, Easy to navigate
Disadvantages: Service costs are a little high, Non-refundable tickets
CD-Wow.com
CD-fairlydisappointing
Written on 26.06.04
***
CD-Wow seems to be one of the most popular and successful online retailers of CDs and DVDs, with a staggering 218 reviews here on Dooyoo [Early 2000s trivia for you], however it’s never been a site I’ve found useful for a number of reasons. Although the site is reliable, secure and very well maintained, the prices and range of products makes it inferior to many of its competitors. I don’t see what all the fuss is about.
PRODUCTS
Primarily a supplier of CD albums and singles, CD-Wow display their top sellers on the home page (curiously located at www8.cd-wow.co.uk) [That is curious] and feature the current album chart at much lower prices than on the high street. The same goes for DVDs, although in this regard there isn’t such a noticeable difference in the prices. The problem with me is that I’m a bit overly fussy about what I listen to and watch [That's not the only problem], and I seem to find it clever to like CDs and DVDs that are a little harder to come by: in this regard, the website lets me down badly, even when the products have previously been relatively big sellers.
As well as the search facility, the products can also be viewed by category. These are as diverse as ‘Top 75’ and ‘Teen Appeal,’ whatever that entails. The strange part comes with the search results, which occasionally feature a list of albums and DVDs that bear no relation to what has been searched for. If you’re someone who enjoys buying what you’ve heard playing on the radio, this website will obviously be of more benefit. [Bloody normies.]
PRICES
I always advise against paying high street prices for goods that could be easily bought online, unless of course you’re in a hurry and the price difference isn’t too great. If you’re a collector of albums however, the general £8.99 price for anything released within the last year (with popularity) on CD-Wow will be less of a stress on your bank than the £12.99 commonly charged in shops, but I would also suggest looking elsewhere for the products on the internet: CD-Wow may be one of the most well known, but there are plenty of other dependable retailers, some of which have added benefits.
Following are several CD and DVD suppliers that may be of interest as an alternative, in my experience:
Amazon.co.uk – Only offers free delivery on orders over £25, but they do have an incredible stock of CDs, DVDs, books, games, electronics and other items. And you can convert Dooyoo miles into Amazon vouchers of course.
Play.com – With very fast and free delivery this is very similar to CD-Wow, but some prices are lower. Play also have a slightly more extensive stock of CDs.
101CD.com – Delivery takes a little longer, but this British supplier of CDs and DVDs has a huge list of items, including imports. Postage is only £1 per order, but on some CDs it is free. Definitely worth a look.
eBay.co.uk – I couldn’t leave eBay out; even for new releases, some of the suppliers can provide excellent prices, and a great deal of feedback on a seller is almost a guarantee of excellent service.
CD-Wow do feature a number of bargain CDs for £4.99, including many popular recent releases, but again this is a fairly limited range and the products can usually be found for the same price elsewhere.
DELIVERY
This is another area in which CD-Wow fail to particularly impress me, as although delivery for every order is free of charge, so customers can buy the odd CD whenever they feel like it without having to bulk buy to save on postage costs, delivery usually takes 5 to 7 days from the suppliers. Customers must decide whether to save a bit of money in exchange for having to wait a while. In terms of security, I’ve been fortunate in never having experienced problems with websites possessing my bank details, but the professionalism of CD-Wow means that there shouldn’t be any problems.
I can’t see myself ever using CD-Wow, however this is mainly due to the lack of extensive stock, and the fact that I can almost always get a better deal elsewhere. I would still recommend the site to those with more flexible interests, but only in terms of the CD department as it’s very easy to find cheaper DVDs elsewhere. Overall, they are a fairly average CD supplier, the low prices being balanced out by a lack of diversity. They’re certainly not the best by any means.
And they only stock one Iron Maiden album. It is a good one though. [Great, now I'll be wondering about that forever.]
Advantages: Lower prices than on the high street, Free delivery, Stocks all current popular music
Disadvantages: Limited stock, Delivery takes a long time, Same prices can be found elsewhere
WHSmith.co.uk
Stick to the Physical
Written on 19.07.04
***
Growing up close to a (slightly) bustling town, tangible and real WH Smith stores have satisfied many of my changing desires and crazes over the one-score-year-minus-two of my life. Over the last couple of years I have largely replaced physical shops with cheaper and easier online equivalents, but WH Smith’s online store has proven useful to me on two occasions: one time it was very helpful, the other time very disappointing.
LAYOUT & PRODUCTS
Often advertised as whsmithonline.co.uk (although it can also be reached simply through whsmith.co.uk), the site is extensive and stocks everything that could be found in the Crewe WH Smith store apart from chocolate bars, presumably as child’s impulse buys and parent nags don’t translate into the internet environment, but the advantage of online shopping is that everything will theoretically be included that can be found in any store throughout the country, plus extra stock for more limited custom. [78-word, full-paragraph sentence.]
The prices for DVDs, books, games and music are fairly similar to other major suppliers online, but a better deal can almost always be found elsewhere. The site also sells stationery and magazines which are less common online, but also a little less popular to buy through the post. The search facility is easy to use and accurate (unlike the site that you are sitting in front of now) [Slam] and the FAQ sections cover all popular questions and problems with the site. It’s blue as well, I don’t think I mentioned that.
SELLING POINTS
The advantage of sprouting from a very successful and well-known retail chain is that special offers can occasionally be put forward to entice further custom. Using the examples of my own dealings with the site, the comedian/writer Dave Gorman was approached to sign several hundred copies of his book ‘Dave Gorman’s Googlewhack Adventure’ prior to its official release that WH Smith could sell exclusively online. [Apparently, I needed a remotely signed copy.] The site can also be accessed through search engines when looking for a specific, difficult-to-find products such as this popular book of anatomy that my friend asked me to order for him.
WH Smith aren’t infallible though, as demonstrated by their change from the hexagonal orange and grey sign of my childhood to the boring blue and white of the modern look. Some products are listed that can be ‘tracked down,’ but that are always potentially unavailable. This is exactly what happened to the anatomy book thing that my artistic friend was so looking forward to receiving, although it did take a long time for them to realise just how unavailable it was.
The site does offer an enticement (that doesn’t work with me; I make a point of never giving into things like this) [Never had a Nectar card in years of shopping at Sainsbury's] in the form of ‘points’ that can be redeemed for money off future transactions, similar to the Clubcard of the stores but only for online use, which I think is a little unfair.
POSTAGE & SERVICE
Taking after Amazon, WH Smith offer free postage on orders over £25 (although this is specified as only being for a limited time) as well as for any orders of magazines. However, any other orders receive a high fixed postage charge of £2.99, increasing from the £2.00 of last year. This more than makes up for most of the savings that can be made by buying online, although there is another method of receiving the goods: they can be sent at no cost to the customer’s nearest WH Smith store to be collected.
Personally I would feel a little tight-fisted ordering some DVDs or albums at a slightly lower cost than the store provides, only to stroll in and collect them with some sort of smug ‘I’ve saved money, you idiots haven’t’ facial expression. This is still quite a useful method however when the order is for a rare item that can’t be found in the store, as this permits the facial advertising expression of ‘I couldn’t find what I was looking for in the store so I shopped online, why don’t you? They deliver free to stores.’
The website accepts a number of credit and debit cards that can be either inputted into what is presumably a very secure server, or phoned in if you don’t trust all this internet stuff. The customer service replied very quickly to my query over an undelivered item, but it still took me to remind them of the error before it was corrected.
VERDICT
WHSmith.co.uk isn’t a site I’ll visit again in a hurry unless I hear of any more exclusive offers as better deals can be found elsewhere, ‘points’ system aside. The idea of delivering to a store is nice, and is certainly preferable to the pretty steep postage charge for orders under £25, however Play.com, Amazon, eBay and other sites offer consistently better deals for most of the products (Amazon are especially good with books). There are plenty of products but I’ve been let down once and I’ll be sure to check the availability of rare products before offering to buy books of anatomy for my friends again, no matter how much they beg me. [Buy your own book, Dan.]
One final point as well: it’s WH Smith, or Smiths if you’re in a rush. Not WH Smiths, that’s just unnecessarily longer. [Good pedantic exit.]
Advantages: Large range of products, Prompt customer service, Store delivery is a nice idea
Disadvantages: High postage cost, Better deals elsewhere, You can't browse the magazines
asciimation.co.nz/
That's No Moon... That's Asterisks and Dots
Written on 17.08.04
***
In 1997, George Lucas supervised and released the remastered, ‘definitive’ versions of his Star Wars trilogy, utilising the very latest in computer technology.
That same year, Simon Jansen began reproducing the first Star Wars film in text form, a code known as ASCII that I would demonstrate in its simplest form here, were it not for Dooyoo’s shifting of word layout. I’ve already tried it in two reviews with mixed results, so just visit Jansen’s site at asciimation.co.nz to see it in all its stupid glory. [Oh god, it's still there.]
WHAT IS ASCII?
As simply as even I can understand it, ASCII is a very basic way of presenting pictures and diagrams in computer programs that can only display simple characters, although this data can be entered as a program itself. Nowadays it’s more commonly associated with mobile phone text messages, where people can send very poorly done sexual images along with some kind of brilliant caption, using several different pictures that, when played in succession, create a basic animation. [This is getting too kitsch nostalgic now.]
The most famous example of an ASCII program was a camel picture made up of letters, numbers, #s, ]s, ?s, %s, *s, etc. As well as being the most perfect rendition of a camel available in that format, it also worked as program that, when entered, produced a picture of two camels. Wow.
ADAPTING A CLASSIC
Technobabble aside, this site’s main feature is the animation of Star Wars (or ‘A New Hope’ if you are a bit strange) that plays instantly and features frame after frame of ASCII people, locations, spaceships, lightsabres and droids. It plays in a frame on the site so no download is needed, and once the initial excitement of sitting through a very long, albeit incomplete film wears off (shortly after the stormtroopers attack Leia’s ship), the action can be skipped through by holding the left mouse button down and attempting to spot exactly what’s going on so you can see your favourite scenes played out in very silly form. I bet people have sat all the way through this, even if their Star Wars video is ready and waiting to be viewed.
The use of letters, numbers and symbols probably isn’t perfect but it’s more than acceptable for the amount of effort that has obviously been put in, and as the screen size isn’t huge there’s obviously not that much room for detail when two characters are required to be fully in the frame. There also isn’t much use made of perspective, as that would be a nightmare: everything is pretty much head-on. And Princess Leia isn’t anywhere near as beautiful when her trademark hair is reduced to ‘@’ signs. Still, if he adapted her revealing attire from ‘Return of the Jedi,’ that could be worth a look.
PROGRAMMER WITHOUT A CAUSE
I am not someone who spends time watching animations on the internet, especially those that involve dancing animals or stupid talking eggs (I hate that stuff) [Didn't get it], but when I became aware of this site I immediately had to check it out: the sheer pointlessness of spending a huge amount of time redesigning a classic film in an unnecessarily basic format deserves respect, and possibly the deployment of men in white coats to administer brain medicine or something.
Simon Jansen has not completed the film, but this is understandable. It’s a good joke, but once it’s been going a while it must be difficult to retain an interest. Probably why rubbish comedian Timmy Mallet still tours the country in increasingly tiny venues over fifteen years since his show was cancelled, which is true. [Leave Mallet alone.] Jansen seems to enjoy it though.
OTHER FEATURES
Although the site is mainly dedicated to this hard work, there is an interesting FAQ section in which Jansen answers questions regarding compatibility, sanity and his motives, as well as a very short piece of original ASCII’ing called ‘The Death of Jar Jar.’ Not exactly enjoyable or anything, even for the most avid loather of the idiot CGI alien, especially as it’s hard to make out or understand. Jansen can also be contacted if you have any queries, suggestions or abuse.
VERDICT
A fun site to visit once, keeping the spirit of healthy, pointless obsessions alive in this crazy world that we call the world (Earth technically). [Alan Partridge joke.] With very minimal loading time and no downloads required it’s a nice cheap thrill of a site that will hopefully influence similarly odd people with similarly vast amounts of spare time and a tape of Star Wars on standby.
When the Star Wars Trilogy receives its long-awaited official DVD release next month, VCR pause buttons everywhere will finally be spared the constant over-use by ASCII fans skimming slowly through Star Wars films for the dialogue and layout of the action, or just for that bit when Leia’s wearing the exciting outfit. I don’t do that though.
Advantages: He could be bothered, Faithful to the script and film, Can please Star Wars nerds and internet nerds equally
Disadvantages: Only worth seeing once, Nothing too special, He still hasn't fixed them shelves [Pot kettle. I'm talking to you, 2018 Dave. Sorry.]
Go Faster Stripe
Cardiff Provides the Moon on a Stick
Written on 01.12.07 [A one-off reprise three years later to help promote my guys]
*****
One of my favourite obscure delights is arty stand-up comedy from the likes of people you've probably never heard of [You've won them over already], making the Edinburgh Fringe festival a required pilgrimage every August to catch old favourites and spunky newcomers performing their daft hours of comedy and, more often than not, losing a considerable amount of money in pursuit of their artistic vision. These shows will be shared by between four and a hundred or so people each night of August before the more successful ones take the material on tour and retire it at the end of the year, never to be heard of again apart from in the nostalgic conversations of nerdy comedy fans. Most of these performers are too unknown for a DVD or CD release to be a financial possibility, and only the most fortunate fans will acquire the delight of a terrible quality, illegally recorded audio bootleg of their favourite comedian mumbling unintelligibly into a distant microphone and being applauded at ear-splitting volume by the bloke with the Dictaphone on his lap. At least, that was the situation until some Welshmen came along to save the day...
Go Faster Stripe is an independent film production company set up by a bloke called Chris and his crew of cameramen, editors and the other stuff you need to record someone speaking on a tiny stage in Cardiff's attractively dingy Chapter Arts Centre. The endeavour began when Chris was saddened to hear that comedian Stewart Lee's excellent 2005 stand-up show was not going to be released on DVD by 2entertain, due to the (inevitably) poor sales of his previous DVD that the ignorant company seemed to consider commercially viable based entirely on Lee's infamy at the time as director and co-writer of the hit 'Jerry Springer: The Opera.' In response to Lee's own appeal on his website that he would be grateful for the opportunity to record his more recent show for posterity as a low-budget affair before it faded into oblivion, without hoping for anything unrealistic like making a profit, the deal was struck and the first of many (well, several) Go Faster Stripe productions was in the bag.
As a labour of love, there's no denying that Go Faster Stripe has an irresistible charm, and by inviting some of the nation's finest modern comedians to record their current shows, or in some cases responding to the comedian's own request for an invite, the team are providing a unique service to the performers' ridiculously loyal fan bases. The DVDs are professionally produced in realistic quantities, and the price is fixed at an excellent £10 (plus £1.50 total postage cost, no matter how big the order, or a little more if you live outside of Europe) that more or less covers the cost of filming and production, which is paid securely and exclusively through a PayPal account. As a small company, the actual releases are few and far between, with only four DVDs currently available [Many more now] as well as an audio release, but three further shows have been filmed and are awaiting an unveiling some time in the new year. While it's a shame that output seems limited to only a few select releases per year at this stage, it's entirely understandable considering the time involved for one small team to manufacture a professional DVD, while also balancing out commitments to a real job that will actually make them some money for food, bills and tickets to comedy gigs.
All of the shows are filmed at the same venue, which makes for a nice/dull sense of continuity if you're interested in more than one performer (and it's likely that you will be, if you're the kind of person who is interested in the first place), and there are no restrictions whatsoever on the material: cameras are simply set up, an interval is scheduled for those in attendance, and the comedian does their thing. Following the first release of Stewart Lee's '90s Comedian,' in which the renowned erudite atheist embraces his perceived persona in discussing endoscopy, the London bombings, Joe Pasquale and a personal vision of Christ amongst other themes, GFS brought over Lee's erstwhile writing partner Richard Herring to resurrect 'Someone Likes Yoghurt,' his own 2005 show that was praised and despised in equal measure, depending on the audience's tolerance for jokes based largely around yoghurt.
Herring's previous show 'The Twelve Tasks of Hercules Terrace' was also released, a Dave Gorman style account of Herring's real-life attempts to perform twelve arduous labours to prove himself a worthy twenty-first century equivalent of the Greek demi-god, but the film itself was taken from an earlier, inferior recording made before all this Welsh business began, and the drop in quality is justly acknowledged with a drop in price to a mere £8. Simon Munnery's 'Hello' is the most recent release, an anthology performance of the subversive comedian's 'greatest hits' from twenty years in the thankless business, and an old audio recording of Stewart Lee's Edward Lear deconstruction 'Pea Green Boat' is available on CD for £5 or slightly more expensive 10" vinyl for £7.50, the latter purely for the sake of indulgence - and why not? More recent recordings from Herring's 'Ménage à un,' Lucy Porter's 'The Good Life' and Robin Ince's 'Robin Ince is as Dumb as You' will be likely released some time in the next few months with the standard £10 price tag.
The company's practical production ethic leads to each DVD being held in a cardboard slipcase with full artwork and blurb details that you would find on a regular DVD, and for those worried about spoiling the appearance of their DVD collection, the website even provides the option of alternative DVD-case-size covers to download and print. The menu screens and impressive special features extend the experience and dispel any doubts about the professionalism of these products, with each filming (apart from archive recordings like the Hercules show) accompanied with a lengthy interview of friendly, insightful banter as standard, waffling on for as long as the comedian and interviewer feel is necessary in the recesses of the comedy club before the gig. Still photos and any related recorded material not present in the main feature are also added for the comprehensive experience, and the menus are all individually tailored to the show in question - most notable so far is the brilliant Müller yoghurt design of Herring's 'Someone Likes Yoghurt.' Hidden easter eggs are another irrepressible feature from this cheeky team, often consisting of extra footage of the comedian ad-libbing while the cameras and film are shuffled around during the interval.
Each DVD opens with a thoughtful copyright message asking the minority of people who have actually bought these lovingly produced videos to not simply copy them for their mates; it even reveals that unique software will cause pirated DVDs to deliberately ruin the comic timing of key jokes and punchlines if this is attempted. It's nice to feel fairly secure that these shows won't be plastered over YouTube and Google Video, but the comedians involved are usually of a respected enough background to have some older material on there for prospective buyers to check out if they're interested, particularly in the case of Lee and Herring from their fantastic TV shows of the late nineties that are available to enjoy on those sites in the assurance that the BBC will never release them or even acknowledge their existence.
Future recordings are currently unconfirmed, but any time there is breaking news in the form of a recording event or DVD release, the website sends out an e-mail newsletter that can easily be subscribed to on the home page. It's all but definite that both Lee and Herring will return to record their most recent 2007 shows as soon as they've finished touring them through the first half of next year, and fans of their ilk will all have their own opinions on which comedians would be suited to the Go Faster Stripe treatment in the future. I'm also hopeful that the company will release more archive material in the vein of 'Hercules Terrace' and 'Pea Green Boat' (obviously nothing that's still being kept manacled and rotting in the BBC dungeons) to fill in some missing history, but only time will tell.
Go Faster Stripe is a brilliant and entirely professional endeavour based out of an easily navigated, no-nonsense website. It's simple, it has nice pictures of sheep and things, and best of all, each DVD is granted two free video clips! The comedians often sell these DVDs in person if you're lucky enough to catch one of their gigs and don't want to wait up to 24 hours for the thing to be posted.
www.gofasterstripe.com
Advantages: Unique and practical means to preserving classic stand-up shows.
Disadvantages: Production time is quite long, but bear in mind that they don't make any money out of this
This site contains a wide range of products for which opinions can be written on, including metaphysical and political viewpoints as well as material possessions. It's possible to see the opinions of everyday citizens of the public, and a browser can choose which opinions can be helpful as they are placed automatically in order according to their relative popularity with the Dooyoo community- those at the top have been rated the most useful.
The website is easy to access, and I believe the redesign has made it somehow feel more "cosy" and compact somehow, and it feels easier to search for products. The search engines usually work fine anyway, and I've found myself discovering whole new categories by browsing the user profiles of other members and finding out what they've written about.
If you're looking for hard cash from Dooyoo it could take a while: as soon as an opinion is written you receive 100 miles (the equivalent of 10p) and extra money every time the opinion is read. As soon as your new opinion appears on the dooyoo homepage, roughly five to twenty people will have been able to read it before it becomes replaced by another, newer opinion by somebody else. In the long run, if your opinion is good, more and more people will routinely discover it, and you may soon (if your opinions are well written and popular) have 50 000 miles (the equivalent of £50- the smallest cash amount able for cashing in)- but it's very time consuming and a long process.
I often find myself stuck for things to write about, but there are alays categories (like this one I am writing in now) which I can find and immediately begin work on without preparation- others (such as CD albums) may take a while to fully understand and interpret enough to write about them. [Repetitive reviews of streamed albums written in alphabetical order became my day job in early 2008, when Dooyoo foolishly upped their rate to 50p per review and it was almost a sustainable career for a few months.]
The smallest amount anyone can cash in is £20- but only in gift vouchers. However, these offer the possibility of a wide range of stores, and can be very useful if you don't have the time to save up fo cash.
Some people write on Dooyoo for the money, while others write to get their voice heard- and it works. I've had comments in which people have stated that they wish to sample the product I've written about, thanks to my opinion. The personal satisfaction from such a comment is very gratifying, and I'd say that my reason for Dooyoo is roughly half and half- it's for the money, but I also enjoy it.
Dooyoo is, basically, easy money to start with- you can easily find a lot of films or albums you have heard, or own, and write about them. But once you have dwindled your resources it becomes a slow process, and the next cashing in could be months away.
Dooyoo is very easy to use and very large, and many people have made very easy money off the website. Overall, I think it's a fantastic idea- that's why I'm on it now, writing this opinion to try and point out the worth of dooyoo.co.uk to you. [That might have been an attempt at a pun?]
Advantages: Easy money, You can write about virtually anything, Censors restrict you from reading possibly offensive material [Think of the children]
Disadvantages: Takes a while
Ace! ... That about sums it up [Right, next review?]
Written on 10.04.03
*****
Well, I can't really say enough good things about the guys and girls working for Play.com- almost everything's perfect. new titles are much cheaper than I've seen them anywhere else, postage is free and they have information/ ordering service far in advance.
Play.com is possibly the only example ever of me trying out something I saw on a tv advert, as my little brother's recent gift of a Playstation 2 from our shared mother [I'm being deliberately weird, don't worry] has afforded me the opportunity to advance my television experiences into the 21st century. Well, that's what some people may say, I just like DVDs a lot better than scrubby videos. (No offence there, old VHS served me well. I was just going for some humour through profanity).
One of my many flaws [This is going to be good] is that I really get into far too many expensive TV shows, and as I have a small income [Dooyoo miles + saved up school dinner money] I always feel dissappointed. However, with this website I can at least get soem of what I'm after. for example, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine is a series I have eagerly awaited being released on DVD since I sold my videos last year, and the price of £58.99 per season, while expensivea large amount of money [Forgot to accept tracked changes], is at least £7 cheaper than anywhere else I've seen it online [Remember, that's a lot of dooyoo reviews or hungry school days]; I won't even talk about the absurd prices charged by shops I used to be loyal to before this internet connection.
The only real problem with Play.com is that they do not accept personal cheques, which would be a lot easier for me [Shh, don't tell dooyoo you're not old enough for a debit card yet], but the inconvenience is nothing compared to their cheap prices, insanely fast delivery times (when I've ordered something it always arrives the very next day, or if it's been a pre-order they always send it on the Saturday before it comes out, as most DVDs will enter shops on Mondays).
So there you have it, a lower price for a great service, new product than one can find on eBay for something that already smells of someone's house. Just hope they keep up the good work and keep down the prices.
Advantages: Excellent prices, Excellent delivery, Pre-orders available
Disadvantages: Cannot pay by cheque
Nice Bit of Community
Written on 03.08.03
*****
I found out about Yahoo! Groups (I'll lose the excalamation mark from now on, or my sentences'll look really confused, like that word "sentences'll" just then) when looking for any kind of bulletin board related to some of my favourite sci-fi programmes, and found it to be a very large and interesting place.
Although I did not find groups to accomodate everything I would like to talk about in a 'daily digest,' my preferred form of receiving group e-mails, I did find a group related to Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, one of my favourite shows which I find greatly surpasses the other Trek series like Voyager and Enterprise, and I am still a member. The thing that makes a good group, like that, for me is occasional thought-provoking questions, my own contributions when I've felt inspirational being along the lines of bloopers or characters I liked over time, and dedication from some of the members.
Although I've only found this kind of thing for DS9, I'm sure similar groups exist for Red Dwarf, Stargate SG-1, the X-Files... but sometimes a very good group takes a bit of finding. The only problem I have with Yahoo Groups is that it can be hard to find a popular group that is not crammed and full of spammers and young people [He's 17]. They are arranged in categories, so it's quite easy to find what you're looking for, and in order of popularity; it will likely take a bit of time and short-lived memberships to find an 'ideal' group.
I would definitely reccomend Yahoo Groups as it's nice to receive a digest of mails either every day or on the odd day when someone has posted. Like dooyoo, the range of subjects is a lot larger than one would initially expect, and often very specialised- for a while I was a member of a reasonably small group devoted to producing and rating Stargate SG-1 music videos produced by themselves and a whole community on the internet.
You can also very easily make your own group on anything you wish, kind of like making a limited website without any hassle. As I've always wanted to make a website but can't be bothered with all the hassle, I started a "reddwarfvi" (Red Dwarf VI) group which gained a couple of members but which I never did anything with. [Forgot about this! It doesn't seem to exist anywhere in the archive, alas.] There wasn't much to post on the subject on a regular basis, so I suggest that if you're going to start a group you might need to find a market niche- something that is required which you would like to be a part of. [But maybe not as niche as one eighth of a TV series.]
It's all a nice bit of interactivity over the internet, and I always look forward to hearing peoples' views or receiving news of their own website updates or important, related posts on other websites.
It's the Best Really
Written on 12.10.03
*****
After several years of naively using Lycos and other much-publicised search engines, not that Jeeves one though, my brother recommended Google and now it's the only one I use. Even my A-level history teacher used to recommend it. There are plenty of advantages, and tthe bulk of my review is about to be taken up by hyphenated summaries:
- Huge database. It's definitely the most impressive search engine in terms of the volume of websites it can lead you to. There's even a "Directory" option which allows you to choose your search by topic, if that was ever required.
- Image-only search. Granted it's an option everywhere else too, but it can be useful. A lot of the time I find it's easier to just search for whatever you want a picture of on the regular search and there might be a better picture there.
- Adult filter. Not that this is important to me, but one of my friends gave me a good laugh recently while searching for oddities. [We need closure on that anecdote.]
- Useful links. Unlike every other website ever, Google actually puts up links that might be of interest. There's often a dictionary definition link, and plenty of websites to buy the product you've just searched for. Google also omits foolish adverts persuading you to buy the intangible thing you searched for, so no "buy dave warburton address at Amazon.co.uk today!"
- The Google toolbar also seems interesting, I've had it recommended to me but I don't like my web-space crowded! Judging by the "download it" screen, the toolbar is essentially a mini-Google at the top of your screen which can also show whether pages are blocked or not. [This just sounds like the Chrome address bar.]
- Other nice aspects of Google that aren't completely essential but are great additions are the "number of results found," which can often imply that you need to re-word your search, and the fact that the Google homepage itself is just white with some writing; it's so quick to load.
Something I would recommend would be to use "Google.co.uk" if you're looking for things that might be UK-based, as there's an option to search only UK sites or the whole WWW. By adding speech-marks to your search, you can also make sure that Google searches for the phrase rather than all three words at very different points in an unrelated website. [Good to see the google fu started young.]
Other advantages of note that I don't use but which may be of interest are the "Groups" directory, similar I suppose to Yahoo and MSN groups, and a "News" option that allows you to see the day's news. It's very likely that everyone reading this will have a much better idea and experience of Google than me, but I just wanted to try and raise any important points that people might have missed. If you don't use Google, I also hope I've persuaded you to at least try it- unless you need a translation, in which case I find it more useful to use the AltaVista "Babel Fish" (a Hitch-Hiker's guide to the Galaxy reference in case you weren't aware. Read them, they're good.) [One-star Babelfish review coming up.]
Advantages: Loads of websites in the database, Loads quick [Two different uses of "loads" there]
Disadvantages: None really- you still may not find what you've searched for without careful re-wording though
Splash: All Items Slashed (On)
Written on 25.03.04
*
Spending a large proportion of my life metaphorically exploring the digital realm of the internet [How is that a metaphor? You're doing English A-level], I often come across good websites with very low prices. SplashDVD seemed to be something of a godsend at first, although only the kind of godsend that saves you about ten pounds but still makes you pay the rest, and I spent quite a lot of money.
On the 9th of March 2004, a routine click of the "SplashDVD" link in the Shops section of my Favourites list resulted in a white screen indicating that the company had, essentially, gone bankrupt. I still had a number of orders with the company that had not been in stock or delivered, so you'd expect I would have made a slight tutting sound, like an old lady looking at any price in the world ever [Unnecessary ageism], and moved on to pastures new. [Every line's a metaphor except the one you pointed out.]
The main problem with SplashDVD though is that they take the money straight out of your bank as soon as an order is placed.
Yes, Splash have my money; £160 of my money to be exact, a large amount of which was spent on very cheap DVDs that I figured I could sell at a slightly higher price on eBay. [Commendably up-front.] And before they consigned themselves to cybernetic oblivion and a life in Silicon Hell [Red Dwarf reference, it won't be the last], Splash possessed what can only be the worst customer service in existence- my polite enquiry about how much longer I would have to wait for an item was responded to in an very copy-and-paste, generic style, and a couple of my cancellation e-mails were never given a reply.
In terms of the positives, I had a reasonably high opinion of Splash for the first few weeks. Sure they take the money when goods aren't even in stock, but they did deliver my Young Ones series 2 DVD in quite good time. But then they still didn't get my DVDs in stock, yet continued to keep prices low without a ny notice of "we're not doing very well at the moment, um... my advice would be not to add anything to that shopping basket."
You can visit the website, splashdvd.com, if you desire, where they have kindly posted notices informing customers of the changes that will be made. It always suprises me how I can read something and still not feel any more confident that my money hasn't been slipped into a bankrupt manager's evil pockets. [Baseless libel.]
So now I, like many other people, have to wait and see if our money will be returned, or goods shipped, or neither. Had I read other reviews on Dooyoo regarding this site I may not have signed up, although the low prices still probably would have snared me. Like some HTML spider monster.
Advantages: None shall ever more be snared by this site [I like how this is in archaic grammar for the sake of it.]
Disadvantages: They have my £165 [Pretty sure I got it back.]
Almost a Little TOO Simple
Written on 27.03.04
****
Despite this opinion's title, there is nothing deceptive or life-threatening about Cow.co.uk in the way that a trap placed by one's adversary may possess such qualities, however the simplicity of the site is both an advantage and a disappointment.
I can't remember how I came across the website several years ago but I was very pleased when I did as it presented me with the lowest prices I'd seen for some CDs and videos. The website's name is an acronym for "Cheap or What," and the bovine theme does not continue past the 'cool' cow on the title bar (it is wearing sunglasses and a backwards cap so I assume it's cool they're going for). The website's homepage used to indicate that they were "probably the best CD prices in .uk," clearly avoiding any possible lawsuits to the contrary but also being quite true, however the recent redesign of this homepage has led to this being removed due to competition from Amazon.co.uk, 101cd.com, Play.com and other companies who didn't pay me to plug them just then, but who should have done.
Aside from the newly revamped homepage, the website is very simply presented, using a blue background and no extravagant fonts. When selecting the 'browse' button you can type in your search for music, video, DVDs and a list of all the results will come up displaying the titles, product codes and prices. The range is often very extensive, even for rarities and less popular searches. I have performed many of these as I obviously think that buying more obscure albums than the norm makes me artificially interesting. [This would be incredibly self-aware if it wasn't ripped off Lee and Herring.]
Cow is a long-established mail order company which has been going since 1974, eleven years before my father's seed collided with my mother's ovum [I'm starting to like him], and it established itself on the internet around the mid 1990s (I am referr ing to the website; as far as I know, my father's seed is not present on the internet although it wouldn't surprise me). [Don't push it.] The company does not seem to stock items itself, but has instead found a number of suppliers who they can order the items from.
The advantages of the website are as follows:
- Extensive range, often for low prices but not in all cases
- Very easy to navigate, there are no adverts or promotions getting in the way
- Delivery is fast and free to the UK for anything except larger boxsets
- Payment can be made quickly by credit or debit card, although I e-mailed them asking whether I could send a cheque once and they agreed. friendly and prompt customer service is another advantage there
- They have a humorous cow as their logo
The only disadvantage is that the website only provides a basic list of items, all typed in a Courier font which is a little unimpressive and gives the false indication of a 'dodgy' website. No information or pictures are provided apart from the release dates, so it'll be necessary to open up new browser windows [Remember before there were tabs?] to more detailed websites if you think you see a bargain.
Cow is refreshing in its simplicity, however this could also be a downfall which could put off many potential buyers. My advice would be to check it out, especially if you regularly buy CDs, as some of the prices you find may be very competitive, although due to my flexible friend the debit card I now carry around in my wallet, I can find bargains elsewhere.
Advantages: Huge range of items, Payment can be made by personal cheque if preferred, Reliable and long-established
Disadvantages: Other websites have more competitive prices, Simplicity could put people off
Unoriginal But Nice
Written on 30.03.04
*****
Being a major DVD collector and viewer, there wouldn't be much point in just letting them sit there looking nice, I always enjoy finding bargain prices for them online. eBay always serves me well, while Play.com and Amazon have been the websites I'd check out and compare. However, recently I came across the pretty good DVD.co.uk not by e-mail notification, recommendation or advertising, but because I wondered whether there was a www.dvd.co.uk and typed it into my address bar. [Remember when there were choices?]
Far from being an expensive website, like Blackstar or occasionally Amazon, 'DVD' has prices for almost all items even lower than the competitors. Whereas something new such as Red Dwarf series 4 would be found no cheaper than £14.99 elsewhere, DVD do it for £12.99. Their current box set bonanza offer also contains many unique prices for items, specifically Farscape Deluxe Boxsets for my taste, and I've spent £30 more than I normally would just because of the great prices. Possibly unwise but then I am a non-self sufficient A-level student with no financial obligations and consequently have an over-worked mother. [I hope to learn more about your life in this consumer review of a DVD site.]
The website's policy is also one of free UK shipping on everything, and shipping to Europe only costs £1. As well as a list of DVDs as large as the competitors', DVD also sell new video games- which are essentially interactive movies on DVD discs- and hardware in case you're really impressed by the prices but don't actually have anything to play things on. [Oh god, I still write these sorts of segues today.] The shipping is very prompt also, and the only real flaw is that not a great deal of information is provided on products (aside from what is necessary such as region code, length, widescreen, etc.) It's usually necessary to check out a more detailed website for things such as "episodes included," if it's a TV series, or the list of special features. Their replies to queries are also very fast and useful.
I'd still recommend searching around for low prices on potential buys, never excluding eBay as there is plenty of new stuff on there. The only real example of a better deal for things I have searched for so far has been the Blackadder DVD set, which goes for £44.99 on 'DVD' but only £34.99 on Amazon. I've also recently dabbled in comparing prices through Google, which is worth a try. [Nah, that's not going to take off.]
It seems wise to just keep checking those possible potential addresses though, you never know what you might find.
Advantages: Some of the lowest prices for DVDs, Great customer service, Reliable and secure
Disadvantages: Delivery not quite as prompt as Play.com, Sometimes lacking in information
Another Extensive and Well-Priced DVD Site
Written on 30.03.04
*****
Along with Play.com and other DVD wesbites [Sic] mentioned in a previous review, the most recent 'entertainment media' website to come to my attention is Streetsonline.co.uk., which is a great place to check out for DVDs, music CDs and video games.
To start with, the notion put across in the search bar on the left side of the home page that you are heading down either "DVDstreet," "Audiostreet," "Videostreet" or "Gamesstreet" is a refreshing change and for some reason makes me sure that I've seen a brick street wall and an old-fashioned streetlamp in some kind of miniature popup. I'm about 90% certain that it was just from my addled and slightly tired mind, but perhaps it was the very blue colourscheme that did it. [This is all necessary information.]
PRICES
Essentially, there is not much to differentiate Streetsonline.co.uk from something like Play.com or Amazon, although this is no bad thing; products can be very easily searched for and can hold some surprisingly competitive prices. To use my personal sci-fi examples once again, I initially found this site through a Google search for low price Farscape DVDs and if you happen to be into collecting that innovative australian Sci Fi channel/Jim Henson adventure series, this is the place to go. well, or good old eBay. This definitely does not extend to all products however, as some are the same as in some more expensive physical shops such as HMV.
PRODUCT RANGE
Streetsonline gives me the impression of a wesbite [Twice!] that is not too widely known, but which is trying to be. The website appears similar in design to Play.com and DVD.co.uk, with a handy search bar that's a little too small to spot at first and all number of "recent releases," "forthcoming titles" and DVD bargains. Something else nice is that the website doesn't spring popups in your face, and everything is easily laid out when searched for or when a category is selected. The range of products is extensive for CDs, games, videos and DVDs, with some obscure music CDs being listed in greater quantity than Play.com, and others less so.
DELIVERY
Streetsonline do not have free delivery; there's the bombshell. The good news is however that they won't charge you more than £1, thereby using the annoying Amazon method of making you buy more things so you benefit. In my sole experience of the website last week I ordered three DVDs in one order, officially having the £1 postage added to the first I ordered, but then I decided to cancel this DVD and another. I kept the third, which was delivered the very next day - so those pounds do go to good use - and was only charged the £9.99 rather than £10.99 which would have included postage. Maybe they'll send the bailiffs round to collect an eleventh of the DVD, but they'll be squeezing plenty more postage one-quids out of me in the next few months. This may have been like the drugdealer offering a free sample to a potential customer, we'll never know. [Streetsonline hack for you there.]
Needless to say, the opinions that do exist give a lot of advice and information on th products which can be useful as the product descriptions by the website are not always thorough enough.
WRITING OPINIONS?
The main feature of Streetsonline which seems to have been discontinued was the Dooyoo-style practice of money for opinions. According to reviews on this website, £1 used to be paid for each review, although there was a limit of total reviews permitted. I tried to submit a review in any case, but there was an unspecified problem that resulted in one of those page cannot be found results that everyone hates. Products which have been reviewed in this manner have the reviews listed underneath, however from my own searches it was obvious that general eagerness to post an opinion dropped substantially after 2001. A space odyssey? More like a don't-pay-for-reviews-anymore odyssey! No, that's rubbish actually.
Once you've signed up for the account, your card details are kept on file - there may be an option to pay by cheque, but it seems that like all things, a credit or debit card is preferred - so you don't have to type in yuor details every time. Your e-mail address is used to identify you, and you choose a password. I believe the website sells mobile phones and accessories as well as 'digital music' to download [18-60 in one sentence], but anyone who is partial to downloading music will doubtless already have one of the readily-available free products which allow them to do that. [This means piracy.]
There is nothing about this website that makes me prefer it to competitors in principle, however it's another example of how a single price on an item can increase sales dramatically. Thanks to the low price for Farscape DVDs at £9.99, Streetsonline will be making a lot more money out of me. Well, it either goes to them or the next website I come to so why not?
Advantages: Great prices, Wide range of products, Secure and speedy delivery
Disadvantages: Seems to be going downhill- customer opinions are no longer offered, Customer service takes a while to respond
Large Stock, Low Budget
Written on 08.04.04
****
101CD.com is another website offering CDs, DVDs and games at quite low prices. Compared to its competition it often has very competitive prices and a large list of stock, but delivery fee fluctuations and customer service have been known to count against it.
The main advantage 101CD over other websites is its large list of imported stock; a search for reasonably obscure bands will still result in a list of titles they can send from the UK, from Germany, from the USA and from Japan. Obviously they tend to get more expensive towards the bottom, but there can be bargains to be found through some of the imports. The website also accepts payments through the slightly devious organisation that is PayPal; this is good for me as it's a way to get rid of PayPal I've massed through selling on eBay, but it also costs an extra £1 to pay through this method. Something I only found out after I'd made an order, so they seem a little loathe to advertise the fact.
101CD also have frequent sales, something they enjoy sending out in e-mail form if they have your e-mail address from a query, and although I'm not usually interested in the chart CDs they have on offer, they are at incredibly low prices. They also stock plenty of CDs at the budget price of £5.99 including some that are actually good, although my own purchase of Iron Maiden's 'Best of the Beast' at this price is open to discussion.
The customer service is friendly and prompt, but this is where most people seem to have had their trouble. Receiving an e-mail reply to a query at around 10 past twelve [Odd writing convention] last night, long after office hours, it seems that this isn't the highest budget of companies and are more prone to making mistakes than someone like Amazon. [What?] Thankfully the only time they have let me down has been failing to update some details until I prompted them, but there's always the possibility. [Still three years until he gets a proper job.]
I will keep using 101CD for its low prices, extensive stock and PayPal options. I have discovered a similar website, Musica, which accepts PayPal for no extra charge, but which seems less professional. [Foreshadowing.] I suppose the more eager they are to promote PayPal, the worse the company is doing. [Solid theory. In another decade, you'll practically beg international employers to pay you using that convenient system.] I would recommend 101CD to anyone looking for CDs that are hard to come by, although there are many other, more reliable websites for most CDs, DVDs and games you may be interested in.
Advantages: Low prices, Huge amount of stock, Customer service is friendly at least
Disadvantages: Have been known to delay or send wrong orders
eBay Tips, or 'How I Got Out of Writing a Proper Opinion'
Written on 13.04.04
*****
eBay.co.uk is a website I would recommend without any second thoughts. Items can be bought in any condition for a very low price, and you can even sell your items as well. It beats any other website I've been on for prices and ease of use and once you get into it you start feeling very comfortable and confident.
I considered writing a review on eBay, but the multitude of opinions on websites already will be full of all the necessary information anyway. I have instead opted to give tips that I have learnt over the course of time which I hope may prove useful to someone reading this at some point in the future. [Here's your chance.] I have been buying off eBay for two years now and on turning 18 I ventured into the world of selling, which is equally as addictive.
As a brief overview, eBay.co.uk is the English version of the American website, an online marketplace where items can either be bid on or bought immediately from independent sellers. It's easy and free to sign up, and eBay's charges for sellers are actually very fair and low. The website is being updated constantly, and recent changes have made it even easier for sellers to provide information from other websites as well as a number of other options.
TIPS FOR BUYERS
As a long-time buyer, I can guarantee that there is only one sure-fire way to win an auction and this is my most important point:
- Bid at the Last Minute
Some items will clearly not receive many bids, however I always find it more reassuring to note when the item is ending and place a bid within the last two minutes, making extensive use of the refresh or F5 button to check the time. The major disadvantage will be that not everyone has the same amount of time one their hands to spend on the internet as a single, unemployed Sixth Form student [I'm now married and self-employed but still wasting time reading this], and it's also possible that other annoying eBay users will sneak in at the last minute also. You may even find that your maximum bid has already been met several days ago, making it a wasted effort to wait so long. Nevertheless, waiting until the last possible moment has always worked for me. This could also be summed up by another point:
- Only Bid Once
Many users will place a bid early on to guarantee winning an item, and bid again once they have been outbid. This only serves to increase the price drastically, and more seasoned eBayers don't usually do this. Only one winning bid counts: bid low and bid rarely.
- Make use of searches
If you have spotted an item that you intend to bid on, or use Buy It Now on, make sure you have searched using eBay's simple toolbar to see whether there are any better deals. It can also be useful to try out different phrasings of titles which may be more obscure and not receive as many bids; I have personally found that listings under "black adder" are seen and bidded on less than items listed under the single word "blackadder." Also, putting "DVD" along with a title may not show all DVDs; it is sensible to make use of the categories as well. DVD sellers will not always have room to put the phrase DVD into their title, and these will not show up on such a search.
- Read the information
I always make sure, in any transaction, that I read all the terms of the seller. This can be especially useful on ebay to fidn out the payment methods and postage costs- some sellers charge very expensive prices for postage in the hope of catching a buyer unaware. The condition of the item, whether it is brand new or used and in what state, is also very important.
- Use PayPal, etc. [After slagging it off in the previous review.]
Once I set up a PayPal account I found it much easier to pay for eBay items, as the hassle of cheques was gone. Items were being delivered the very next day... of course, don't get me strated on bow much I dislike PayPal on the seller side of things. I have heard that Nochex and other companies can be used also, however I don't know which to recommend as I'm unsure of the security and fees.
TIPS FOR SELLERS
I have had items, both old and new, in constant circulation on eBay over the last six months, although I don't consider myself to be an eBay seller guru of any kind. However, I have noticed a number of features that do seem to make items sell for more, especially in constrast to those of my Dad. [Just lord it rather than help him out.]
- Research
The essential part of eBay selling is to look for similar items already being sold and how much they will sell for, if anything at all. This can help you to determine your price depending on the item's popularity and condition.
- Make full use of the free tools
As a buyer I was always more please with an item description that showed attention to detail. While some features cost more to the seller, such as extra pictures, I find it is always very productive to make use of the HTML code in descriptions - using
for a new paragraph to break it up, [Apparently I used some html here which fucked up the review!]
- Invest when appropriate
With items which will sell for a higher price to a more specialised type of seller, I have found that adding extras to listings can help. A Buy It Now fee attached to an existing bid price can provide many buyers with an easy way out, possibly leaving you with more money than bids woul have made, and this only costs an extra 6 pence; every read my opinions on Dooyoo receives will help me in these Buy It Nows, so I thank you the reader as you have made all the difference. Extra pictures cost 12 pence, a little more expensive at two opinion reads but sometimes necessary, [Out-of-date eBay fees discussed in relation to obsolete dooyoo miles, this is the good shit!] while updates such as bold text and a featured option always seem a little too expensive for me. Something I would recommend is the gallery feature though, which I beleive costs 15 pence. Gallery items are those which include a picture beside the listing on the search pages, something which definitely attracts more buyers.
- Make it professional
A simpe point, but an important one. I have always felt more confident when buying from a seller who had used HTML tags and the like to one who has only included a single block of text without any extras. Creating a free ebay shop can add to your credibility, especially if you plan on mass sales, although mine didn't really do anything for me so I closed it. Ebay have recently updated the selling service to make it easier for those not ofay [He means 'au fait,' he heard it on Red Dwarf] with complicated HTML such as, again, my Dad.
- Don't use PayPal unless...
I would only recommend offering fast-buy options to mass- and veteran-sellers who receive many orders every day and prefer a fast system. As a seller I found that PayPal's charges were too high and unspecified, and once the money is in your account it can be confusing to redirect it to your bank. However, it all depends on your opinions of the system; it can certainly be annoying waiting eight days for a cheque to come.
N.B., although I am quite annoyed that someone's payment has not yet arrived, their name and location have been altered to avoid me seeming too angry. [Did I just joke-doxx someone and dooyoo removed it?]
- Sell things you like
Although part of the appeal of eBay is that you can get rid of things you don't like or need that much, once you get into the selling thing and start noticing bargains you can sell for a bit of profit, it's always easiest to sell things you are fond of. I have recently started selling DVD boxsets of sci-fi series like Farscape, which I have used ebay to buy in the past and am aware of their values and popularity.
That's about all I can think of to offer as advice, and I'm sure that anyone who has used eBay for a long time will have their own ways of doing things. Any criticism would be welcome for this review, although this is always what works for me. The only people who will be interested in my sales, now that I have nothing left in my collections to sell, will be those interested in sci-fi DVDs and the occasional heavy metal album, so obviously a large percentage of the population there (!) If you've ever sold to gunmenoftheapocalypse, that's yours truly! [Red Dwarf reference.]
Thanks for reading, now go over there and get bidding on things you like - although users more susceptible to Ciao/Dooyoo addiction may find this becomes a bit of a hook in itself, both for buyers and sellers alike.
Advantages: May get you interested in eBay, You may find the tips useful for buying & selling
Disadvantages: May get you TOO interested in eBay, Seller fees can become very high, You may find this advice rubbish
Vital! (adj.)
Written on 20.04.04
***** [So amazing, it even made my top 10! Rest assured, he'll have sex before the year's out]
As someone who unfortunately ends up spending a large amount of his life on the internet, it is important for me to present myself as someone who knows what he's talking about. Whether it's listing an item on eBay, posting on a forum, writing an e-mail or typing yet another review on music no one is interested in reading about on Dooyoo, I always want to show a grasp of spelling and language.
Dictionary.com is the most popular online dictionary due to its easy access; the search engine Google uses this website (explained later) while other people will come across it the same way I did, by guessing and investigating whether www,dictionary,com exists.
DICTIONARY.com's home page appears instantly and is fairly drab and uninteresting, possibly just as it should be. Anticipating the actions of virtually everyone who visits, the site's main 'Search' bar is instantly selected ready for the visitor to type their search. However, the page is also filled with quite useful links to similar websites:
FEATURED LINKS
FUN & GAMES - Not PacMan and Snake, but rather the kind of games that people who like words presumably like. A daily crossword for those who have missed 'Countdown', wordsearches, and some interesting (if a little silly) options. These include 'Phrase Invaders,' based on a badly designed and boring version of Space Invaders but with letters as opposed to aliens, and 'Maze.' Personally I would have preferred PacMan, but everyone gets bored and wants a word game at some time.
OTHER DICTIONARIES - A useful set of links to other websites, presumably owned and maintained by separate entities who pay Dictionary. com for the links. If you thought dictionary options only extended to English, French, German and Spanish then you are herein proved wrong; this section is filled with links to anatomical dictionaries, rhyming dictionaries for budding poets, medical, sign language, symbol, geographical and humanitarian dictionaries, as well as solicited links to other English dictionary websites.
TRANSLATOR - Useful for translating words from English to a variety of lanaguages, and vice-versa, but as its description states it is a 'simple translator.' Unlike AltaVista's quite good but largely inaccurate Babel Fish translator, this website admits that you still have to ask the school's German assistant (who smells). [Out of order! Even if true.]
LANGUAGE RESOURCES - An FAQ on the site and the use of grammar in English, as well as a Dictionary.com forum. It must be party time over there. [As opposed to here.]
WORD OF THE DAY - One of the more interesting bits as you can access it simply by looking at it and reading, rather than clicking your way around the net. Today's word is peremptory, and I have no idea what that means. Just because I've spent time navigating my way around the site for this review, I don't have to look up every word I come across.
THE DICTIONARY (.COM)
The backbone of the website is the dictionary itself, accessed by typing a word into the search bar and selecting 'dictionary.' To better explain the procedure involved, I will use the example of the word 'wallpaper.'
Typing wallpaper immediately brings up all the options necessary, without any long pauses. Results are given in terms of the type of word , whether it is a noun, verb, adverb, adjective, pronoun or whatever else exists. [Lazy.] Wallpaper brings up two nouns:
1. Paper often colored and printed with designs and pasted to a wall as a decorative covering.
2. Computer Science. A picture or design covering the background of a display screen.
So if you had ever been asked by a work colleague where you got your groovy wallpaper, be sure to inform them that there are two possible responses you could give and that they need to be more specific, lest you send them on a wild goose chase to B&Q when they had merely been admiring the bare lady behind your icons.
Of course, the word wallpaper is also a verb and so this is mentioned underneath:
v. To cover with or as if with wallpaper. [Extended example, this is better than some things I write now.]
With most popular words, there is also an extra source below from another website, WordNet, which is along similar lines. The blurb underneath the official definitions state that Dictionary.com's definitions have been taken from the American Heritage Book of the English Language, Fourth Edition, published in 2000: it is therefore very much up-to-date.
THESAURUS (.COM)
Something that is often overlooked is the site's Thesaurus option, allowing the visitor to search for alternate words to draw on. In the past I have increased my vocabulary greatly by using thesauruses such as this, and in this instance it is how I came to use the phrase 'draw on' rather than use, a couple of lines ago. In some ways, this is even more useful than the dictionary, especially when writing something designed to impress such as a coursework piece for school or college, and the search brings up alternatives for the word as well as pointing out where the word is included in other thesaurus lists. The thesaurus itself can be accessed by typing Thesaurus.com, although this takes you to thesaurus.reference.com, but it is still an offshoot of the Dictionary.com website, and they interlink.
ACCESSIBILITY (.COM)
Dictionary.com is a very useful website and can be accessed easily. When using Google to search for a word or a group of words, the results which are 'proper' words, and not just names like PacMan and Brian, will be underlined under the Google search bar; clicking these takes you to their definitions on Dictionary.com. As I said, don't search for Brian as the site only responds with "did you mean 'brain?'" [Wow, 2004 Google was dim.]
The only major downside to Dictionary.com visitors is that some of the less popular, and therefore less useful, words are only available to Dictionary.com premium members who have paid for membership. As far as I can tell, membership to this elite allows the member to hear audio clips of word pronunciations and probably a colourful avatar on the bustling Dictionary.com forum, I expect. This does make it feel a little cheaper as a site, as do the several popups which fling themselves at the monitor as soon as you visit the homepage. It's not as if people interested in word definitions would be interested in SmileyCentral, but they just don't get the picture. [Don't think that was intended as a pun.]
VERDICT.COM
Incredibly useful and recommended to anyone as an easily accessible dictionary, even if you know you've got one behind the tapes of the A-Team in your Dad's cupboard. The popups are annoying, but the service is great even to non-members, both for the dictionary and thesaurus, as well as the links to games. Let's face it, we'll all get bored enough to play online Hangman one day, although we would seldom [(s l d m). adv. Not often; infrequently or rarely. Middle English origin] admit it.
If you are ever in need of a dictionary or thesaurus, Dictionary.com is a great website to visit and stick in your Favourites, if you ever use these. Don't just take this advice from Frankingsteins, whose name suggests he has misinterpreted the pronounciation and spelling of a well-known name and is therefore unsuitable to offer advice, take it from the comedian Dave Gorman. He had a worldwide adventure based on the internet game of Googlewhacking, the principles of which indicate that two words must bring up one single result on Google and both must be listed in Dictionary.com. Perhaps he would have had an easier time if he's just got into Phrase Invaders.
Advantages: Incredibly useful for all your word-based needs, Can theoretically help achieve crowns on Dooyoo, Easy to access and navigate
Disadvantages: Sometimes difficult to find what you're looking for on the screen, Too mnay popups [The inevitable non-ironic spelling mistake. Why didn't these complaints take it down from five stars?]
2-Storey Bargain Bin
Written on 21.04.04
***
Cash Converters is a chain of stores which buy and sell used products at low prices. At my local Cash Converters, the ground floor is filled with videos, DVDs, CDs, games, jewellery, musical instruments and all types of electronics, while the upper floor sells bicycles and sports/exercise equipment. A lot of people may wrongly imagine the stores to be badly designed and little more than a charity shop, but the products are arranged in appropriate displays.
Despite what many people think [Maverick], I find Cash Converters a great place to visit every time I'm in town, although my opinion is biased as I have only ever seen one side of this store chain's dealings: I have never been on the selling end, and for good reason.
WHAT'S TO BUY?
The main problem with the videos, DVDs, CDs, games, jewellery, musical instruments, electronics, bicycles and sports/exercise equipment is that it has been sold in the first place; someone wanted to get rid of it. While this may mean that the computer systems are dated and the televisions damaged, the videos and similar products are more subjective. For example, someone may have received a great comedy video for Christmas off their humorous and quite annoying Uncle and decided it's not for them.
VIDEOS: I have bought countless videos from Cash Converters in my time, although this is mainly countless as I can't remember the number over the last few years, and as such this is where most of my experience lies. Taking my local store in Crewe, Cheshire as the example upon which all others are based (quite wrongly in many ways) there are always plenty of popular Star Trek and X-Files videos that just don't sell anymore (mainly due to DVD releases) and Hollywood films.
Unfortunately, the majority of videos are cheap sell-through tapes that nobody really wanted the first time around, of which there are always at least three copies: these include 'Yoyo Tricks,' 'Classic Fairy Tales' and the ultimate Cash Converters title, 'Noel's Gotchas.' Occasionally however there some gems to be found, again a very subjective statement, especially when irate housewives secretly sell their husbands' BBC comedy collections so I can buy them.
There are more videos in my local Cash Converters than ever before, again largely due to DVDs, and this has led to numerous permanent promotions by the Crewe store. These include '5 Videos for £5' and '100 Videos for £50.' [Yes, I was still buying VHS in 2004.]
DVDs: These discs have been around longer than I would have expected [Not long enough for anecdotes, I see], and the store has amassed quite a supply of them. More expensive than videos, and much more easy to get rid of, these again suffer from being mostly awful.
GAMES: The shop used to stock a number of out-of-production Amiga titles, but has ceased trading in Amiga goods for several years. This is likely due to a lack of interest, and my self-proclaimed 'Amigan' Dad buying them all. Now the store sells a large variety of quite popular games for the X-Box, GameCube, Playstation 1 & 2 and PC. In this respect Cash Converters is the most overlooked: I'm sure many children and teenagers would buy some games here if they didn't assume it was a beefed-up Barnardos.
OTHER: I have never bought any of the more expensive products, but the same statements usually apply across the board. There may always be something you are interested in, but you may have to look hard. I also believe that the more expensive items will come with some form of guarantee.
SELLING
This is the main feature of Cash Converters that gets them a bad press in peoples' minds: they do not pay much for your goods at all. As they are now attempting to sell videos for 50p in some instances it would be impossible to expect any more than this amount for your second-hand videos, and they will only pay a few pounds for the most recent DVD. Sellers need to be at least 18 years of age, but can sell their items easily at the back counter, to which there is also an extra entrance/exit to the store (using the Crewe example again).
I am still happy to buy from Cash Converters, but I would recommend selling products directly to buyers through other means. I always have items listed on eBay, although if you do not wish to become involved in internet commerce and sending items by post, a good old-fashioned car boot sale can do the trick. And failing that, give your videos to relatives or friends, if they like them.
LAYOUT & SERVICE
As described earlier, Cash Converters is very well laid-out. The purple and red colour scheme is pleasing, and the staff at my local store are very friendly and willing to help. They are more the kind of enlightened and middle-aged people to point at your Manowar T-shirt and say "Manowar! Excellent!" rather than young, bored Big Macc salesmen.
You can pay for your goods in the same way as other shops, and they do accept card payments. Each transaction comes with a big, sturdy plastic bag that can be useful for putting your son's swimming kit in. Or whatever else you like using bags for.
VERDICT
Cash Converters' motto has always been 'A Better Way to Sell, a Great Place to Shop.' It's a shame that this is not completely accurate: this store is in fact one of the worst places to sell, but it is quick and simple if you live nearby. And while not a 'Great' place to buy things, there are occasional bargains and pleasant surprises. If you have a local Cash Converters I would recommend you at least have a look and see what you think, although in many ways it is simply a worse version of eBay. And if you've been after that video of 'Noel's Gotchas' for a while, you can rest assured that it will definitely be in there. [He's not bad at the callbacks.]
Advantages: Very cheap, Large stock
Disadvantages: Far too unreasonable when selling, A lot of items are in quite bad condition
Aunt Beeb's Superstore
Written on 26.04.04
***
BBCShop.com is the official online store for products released by, and relating to programmes of, the British Broadcasting Corporation. The website's homepage is a clear indication of the most popular products, as the site mainly deals in DVDs and videos of BBC television programmes, audio CDs of BBC radio programmes and books related to popular programmes.
PRODUCT RANGE
Obviously not a website for every taste, the BBC Shop is limited to BBC products, but there are a surprisingly high volume of these. From every DVD release the BBC have produced, including those that have now been deleted from other websites (usually for good reason) to books, computer programs and exclusive audio CDs. Unfortunately, there are not enough exclusives to gain the BBC a real competitive advantage, and they do not stock imports of their international releases not yet available in this country; from my perspective, these mainly extend to Region 1 DVD releases of shows such as Monty Python's Flying Circus and Blackadder, the American releases of these being far superior to the UK equivalents.
PRICES
Being the official distributor of a lot of the products allows the BBC to hold higher prices, in general, than competing sites, however there are occasionally good deals to be found. In a number of instances, similar products can be purchased together in 'Mixed Packs' to save a little money, which can mean grouping the DVDs of Red Dwarf's first four series and charging ten pounds less, or combining a DVD or video with the official script book of that series.
DELIVERY
It is the delivery times that the BBC Shop excels in, as my orders have usually been sent out and delivered the next day by special courier. There is no free delivery service, which lets the site down in comparison to Play.com and Amazon's 'super-saver delivery' policy, but the deliveries are a least reliable and secure. However much you buy, delivery to the UK costs £2.45, with EU delivery starting at £4.50 and increasing with more products.
VERDICT
An interesting shop to browse, but not usually the best price available. The fact that it is the BBC's official shop does endear buyers with some extra confidence, and it's likely that they will rarely run out of stock, but the problem mainly lies in the extent of the competition. There are no real community features such as reviews and price comparisons either.
If the BBC lowered some of its prices, or extended its range to more exclusive products, it would be more widely used.
Advantages: Prices have started to drop since Christmas, First class delivery, Orders can be taken by phone if desired
Disadvantages: No free delivery, Items usually cost more than elsewhere, Import titles are lacking
No More Embarrassment [Long story short: Dave bought some johnnies he'd shockingly get to use just eight months later]
Written on 28.04.04
*****
'Right, I've got some of your prescriptions here. Who's got the pox? Come on.'
(A man timidly puts his hand up)
'There you go. Right, who's got a boil on the bum? Boil on the botty?'
(Throws bottle to the only man standing up)
'Who's got the chest rash?'
(A woman with a large bosom puts up a hand)
'Have to get a bigger bottle. Who's got wind?'
(A man raises his hand, sitting by himself)
'Catch.'
Monty Python appreciated the embarrassment caused by a visit to the local pharmacy, and the invention of the internet now allows some people with embarrassing problems to receive treatments without having to look eye to eye with a shop assistant. Whether this means buying condoms, a pregnancy tester or desensitising spray, it is important to find a reliable supplier. Pharmacy2U.co.uk have competitive prices and are excellent at delivery.
PRODUCTS & NAVIGATION
The product range on the website is as vast as would be expected, and it is all categorised very neatly with side headings. They do seem a little eager to display their special offers and recommended products, but it is very quick and easy to reach what you are looking for. The categories at the side include Medicines, Home Help, Baby & Child, Perfumery and Men's Grooming, and a search bar is always present if you know the name of the product. Some products may be out of stock, and this is usually indicated, but in most cases there will be alternatives at hand. In cases where a medicine or health product is being purchased, as opposed to something simple like a razor, the website asks for some brief medical details to ensure the product is suitable, which is a very useful and friendly touch.
PAYMENT & POSTAGE
Pharmacy2U are a website that cannot offer free postage, but attempt to persuade the customer to make larger transactions to reduce their costs. Postage to the UK is a standard £2.50 for the order, no matter how many products you buy (within reason). They accept all the usual forms of payment such as credit or debit cards, and orders can be made over the phone for people wary of giving their card and bank details over the internet.
PERSONAL EXPERIENCE: NYTOL [Forgot about this. Maybe stop drinking two litres of supermarket cola a day?]
My reason for discovering this site was through curiosity and a desire to find low prices, as I had been very interested in getting hold of the sleep aid, Nytol. I'm not an insomniac in the style of the guy from the excellent movie 'Fight Club,' but I often have difficulty getting to sleep, especially when under a little stress. With my A-level exams on the fast-approaching horizon, I reasoned it was as good a time as any to try out the product I had vowed to try for over six months, as recently I had not looked forward to the chore of trying to get to sleep. But don't get depressed, it has a happy ending.
Pharmacy2U had the lowest price for Nytol capsules out of the other sites I looked at and searched for, at roughly half the usual price. The delivery cost meant I would have paid the same price as elsewhere, so I made sure I bought a few packs amongst other things. The confirmation e-mail arrived very soon, surprising as I made the order very late in the day, and it promised a 'discreet' case. It seems that the company have realised the opportunity for customers to buy somewhat embarrassing products, so this is very considerate of them- and it arrived after one working day.
And as for the Nytol , I've used it a few times and it's very good. The other nights I've managed to get a good sleep on my own.
VERDICT
The website is easy to navigate, and has some excellent prices. If I ever needed to buy a desensitising spray for my genitalia, this is the first site I would look at. Not that I do need such a product as I don't, even if you have heard otherwise, it was just an example. I have read an opinion on Dooyoo regarding someone's order that was not shipped in full, and which had a product delayed for a long time before it was back in stock; if this had happened to me I wouldn't be so quick to recommend it, but that was several years ago and I have not had any problems so far.
The prices may not be as low as competitors for some products, and in many cases a visit to the local pharmacy would prove more beneficial, but next time I need some Nytol, and if I ever need a pregnancy testing kit, this will be my first port of call.
Advantages: Low prices, Reliable and quick delivery, Extensive list of products
Disadvantages: Could be easier to visit Boots
Give Them a Missa
Written on 29.04.04
***
Musica is a website I discovered while searching for low prices on the internet. They stock a wide selection of CDs and DVDs at low prices, but there are reasons behind their low rating here on Dooyoo.
MUSIC(A)
As inferred by the site's name, Musica.co.uk is primarily a supplier of music CDs to the UK, but they also deliver elsewhere. The site has a very extensive range of CDs, often at low prices, and if the website were better managed I would certainly recommend it. If you are looking for a rare CD, chances are that they will have it at quite a low price, and they also have a selection of spoken word and radio show collections.
DVDsA
Musica have a fairly large selection of popular and less mainstream DVDs, although a quick glance at their DVD recommendations on the home page indicates that everyone would be better off buying from elsewhere. There is literally nothing to attract visitors to the website who already have knowledge of more established companies such as Play.com, Amazon or DVD.co.uk. [What's the point of competition?]
PAYMENT & POSTAGEA
Postage to the UK is free of charge, and £1 to Europe, £1.50 to the rest of the world. This is another area in which the website redeems itself, as well as their policy of "you can return anything you don't like." Very kind of them. Payment is listed as all the major credit and debit cards, as well as PayPal.
PERSONAL EXPERIENCEA
The aspect of the website that attracted me in the first place was that they accept payments from PayPal; this eBay-owned method of payment is very useful when making eBay transactions, but is very difficult to get rid of if PayPal do not support your building society account. There is a problem that can generally be applied to sites that accept PayPal however, and this is that they are clearly desperate to attract custom through whatever means are necessary. PayPal always take a cut of payments sent, and while a website such as 101CD.com will request an extra pound to cover the fees, Musica are only too happy to allow the customer a transaction free of extra charges. Seeing this as a sign of trust and reliability was my first mistake.
I haven't really been mistreated by Musica, in fact the customer service responses have been prompt, but I was told that an order I had placed would take four weeks, and I cancelled it after waiting for six. I am now waiting to get my PayPal money refunded, something that may take a long time.
VERDICTA
Musica have low prices for CDs, but these can usually be found elsewhere. And as this is the only real appeal of the site, which can take a long time to get orders in and even longer to reply to or recognise customers, I would not recommend it. Here are websites I would recommenda:
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Amazon.co.uk - Not always the best prices, but probably the most reliable. Dooyoo miles can be exchanged for Amazon vouchers.
Play.com - The country's leading online DVD specialists. I have bought from Play on many occasions and have only ever had a couple of problems with items not being in stock. Often cheaper than Amazon, but without the range of products. Free postage.
101CD.com - This site also accepts PayPal payments and is fairly reliable. They have some really low prices for CDs.
DVD.co.uk - Cheaper than Play.com, but a little less reliable. Free postage to UK.
EBay.co.uk - One of my favourite websites, eBay is a great place to shop for bargains on everything. Just be wary of dodgy buyers and sellers.
Advantages: Low prices for CDs, Returns policy, Free postage to UK
Disadvantages: High DVD prices
Always Use Protection [Dave's still thinking about his condoms]
Written on 30.04.04
*****
ZoneAlarm is one of the most well-known firewalls that can be used by any Microsoft or Macintosh computer or laptop, and possibly others. Manufactured by Zone Labs, the program is completely reliable, useful and discreet, and the best thing about ZoneAlarm is that it is completely free.
WHY USE A FIREWALL?
It now seems naïve to me that an internet user would not be protected by a firewall of some kind, but the truth is that both of my family's recent computers were using the internet for several years, completely naked and without protection. Looking back I can see that we did experience minor problems, but it was the upsurge in damaging and mischievous viruses early last year that led to our computer's failure.
There are countless viruses made by hackers for a bit of fun or with nefarious motives, but most people will be familiar with large-scale programs such as 'Microsoft Blast' which caused almost every unprotected computer, in my local area at least, to receive an automatic shutdown message within a minute of being online. [Shit nostalgia.] My brother claimed to find this celebration of attacking Microsoft very funny, but you could see in his eyes he was crying "why? Why can't I play anymore?"
With the security of a good firewall, internet users can go about their business safe in the knowledge that any intrusive programs are being blocked from their systems, with any potential existing viruses not being permitted to go about their evil ways.
GETTING ZONEALARM
The free version of ZoneAlarm can be very easily and quickly downloaded from zonelabs.com, the official website. The download is fast, and completes in sufficient time for Broadband internet users to receive it in full even if they have been attacked by the shutdown notification. Once downloaded, ZoneAlarm asks for some simple details, mostly for your own use, but these do not need to be filled in. After politely asking whether you would mind the computer resetting in order to make the program take effect, ZoneAlarm is ready to go.
There is an extensive package called 'ZoneAlarm Pro' that can be purchased from the website, but for my needs the free version is more than adequate, as it would be for most people.
FEATURES
Once ZoneAlarm has been installed, its icon minimises to the toolbar on the right of the screen, apologies if any non-Windows users are reading this and things happen differently on your computers, and remains pretty much unseen for the rest of its life. The only times it springs to the user's attention is when a program is run that is attempting internet access, with boxes allowing you to select whether or not it should be allowed access. Selecting the "remember this preference" box will allow that program (such as Internet Explorer, Media Player or an online game) to access the internet every time, unless you manually cancel the preference.
Every so often, ZoneAlarm will receive an update alert from its homepage and ask whether the user would like to update; this seems to happen once every couple of months. It's always a good idea to do as it suggests in the constantly changing internet world, and the only problem with this is that the program goes offline temporarily before the update is in effect.
Selecting the ZoneAlarm icon when in use allows the user to personalise it further, selecting whether or not to protect information such as e-mail addresses (the defauly is always 'yes' on these settings), and providing the list of programs that the user has decreed can or cannot have access. It is all very straightforward and professional; your little bouncer mate in the corner of the screen.
VERDICT
If your computer is already protected by a firewall, there is no real reason to download ZoneAlarm, although the reason my brother downloaded it in the first place was because the McAffe program my mother had bought proved as effective as a glass of mineral water underwater. [Not a Blackadder-level simile slam.] There are a large number of programs that will perform all the same functions as the free version of ZoneAlarm, but I have been using it for almost a year without any problems whatsoever.
Yes, this opinion's title is intended to be a pun on contraceptives, and I feel I should point out at this juncture that these should always be used as well. As with ZoneAlarm, the better ones have to be bought but you can usually find a good one for free.
Advantages: Quick and easy to download, Doesn't interfere with your internet use (only in a good way), Downloaded for free
Disadvantages: Requires regular updates [You want the moon on a stick]
Don't Give in to Temptation [Dave's thinking about his condoms again]
Written on 02.05.04
*
Altavista's Babelfish translator is one of the most widely-used internet translators, with a vast databank of words from an impressive number of languages. Unfortunately the website has a major flaw, which is that it is rubbish.
WHAT'S WITH THE NAME?
The Babel Fish was one of the more interesting ideas from the late Douglas Adams' book 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy,' and was an alien fish that fed off excess brain waves and, as a side-effect, allowed anyone who chose to stick it down their earhole the ability to instantly understand any language. The fact that something so unbelievably helpful could naturally exist was then used as evidence to support the non-existence of God, which is a long story.
Unfortunately in reality there are no Star Trek universal translators or Farscape translator microbes, which provides work for those skilled at languages, headaches for students who have to learn the correct use of the passive tense for their impending German A-level exams, and allows for humorous anecdotes regarding former US presidents and Berlin cakes.
LAYOUT & FUNCTION
The Babelfish is very straight forward to use. A block of text of up to 150 words, or single words alone, can be typed into the box, and then the translation can be selected from a drop-down list, whether it is English to Chinese, German to English or French to Spanish. There is also the option to translate a web page if you provide the URL address.
This is pretty much all there is to the site, although it does feature an advertisment at the side and the option to add Babelfish to your own website.
PERSONAL EXPERIENCES
I admit that my opening statement of 'rubbish' is a little vague and somewhat undeserved, but in the past I have relied on the translator and been badly let down, which taught me a few lessons about putting the required effort into language studies.
When typing my German coursework on the computer, a subject you may have guessed I studied from the rather personal approach of the last section, I found that the Babelfish machine is no good at correctly translating German grammar, even some simple matters such as adjective endings determined by the gender of words. Such mistakes are to be expected, but I also found many german words to be missing from the translator.
RECOMMENDATION
I would not recommend Babelfish for any reason based on my experiences, however it is possible that it has more success with other languages. The website is acceptable as a quick translator for independent words, but I would advise against trying to translate sentences.
The option to translate a foreign web page used to be an added bonus, but the search engine Google now has a fairly reliable translator next to all website links in a different language. Again, this is not accurate, but in some cases it can give a general impression of the subject matter.
For any GCSE or A-level students, the best advice I can give is to use a dictionary to look up translations, and to ensure you have learnt the necessary grammar you have been taught to form your own sentences. Babelfish's very existence is a little too tempting and destructive, the siren of the internet that lures desperate modern foreign languages students to their demise. Or something like that. [Bloody students.]
Don't take it from me, take it from my school's horrified German assistant and her red pen, and she's the real McCoy so she knows what she's talking about. [I actually used Babelfish to do my coursework then.] In the case of other languages, I would suggest you locate the nearest French, Italian or Japanese person you see in the street and make them do your coursework for you. I don't do that though. [You'd have to go outside first.]
Advantages: Can quickly translate single words or very brief phrases, Simple to use
Disadvantages: No substitute for the human touch, A little too tempting, Fails to translate grammar correctly, as verified by my school's German assistant [He eventually got a C at A-level, which doubtless would have been worse without the unappreciated German assistant correcting all his coursework for him]
Pop Off
Written on 08.05.04
***
I downloaded the Panicware 'Pop-Up Stopper' a couple of weeks ago after reading an overwhelmingly positive Dooyoo review, but I soon realised that in many cases it could be more annoying than helpful. This review is not meant as a criticism of the recent review that informed me of this software, in fact that was an excellent review that I nominated for a crown [£1.50, where the real money lay], but it's not for me.
FREE DOWNLOAD
The pop-up stopper does what it promises, for the most part, and it is a free download from panicware.com. This immediately stops me from having any major problems with it, as a legitimate software upgrade that doesn't cost anything makes the largely-corporate world of the internet a much better place. The file is not too large and is therefore quick and easy to download with any speed modem, and the install is straightforward.
Once Pop-Up Stopper (which I shall hereafter refer to as PUS to save time and space, and hopefully confuse readers who have not read this explanation in brackets) has been installed, the 'finger' icon sits obediently in that area of the screen's taskbar next to the clock, where all you miniscule icons end up (on a Windows system at least, apologies if yours is different). Every time you log on to your area or your computer, the software brings up a brief start-up box in the centre of your screen in a similar way to applications such as Microsoft Word, when it is loaded.
ADVANTAGES
When one of those little and annoying pop-ups get ready to... um, pop up on your screen and taskbar, PUS detects them and stops them from appearing, although occasionally it slips up- but it is a freebie after all.
PUS is especially useful on sites that like to throw loads of pop-ups in your direction. Unlike Dooyoo, with its one permanent advertisement and its occasional friends, sites which are a chore to load up - such as Dictionary.com and anything my brother goes on - become a great deal less frustrating.
FAILINGS
Here we go then. I don't have any major issues with PUS; in fact I admire its existence and its abilities, but there are lots of tiny aspects of the software that basically just get on my nerves. The main problem with pop-ups is that they get in the way when the internet user is trying to view, or perform actions on, a page, and the pauses that PUS takes when blocking an ad are just as annoying. The mouse pointer becomes a tiny symbol, an indication that it is operational and doing what it's been told, so I'm not much better off having this software installed.
The additional features of the free version of PUS are limited, which is very fair, but even these do not always work; today I tried investigating a feature that would apparently tell me the history of its operations, but this soon crashed and took a while for me to cancel. But the real icing on the bitter tasting cake of minor frustration came when, after a day of using PUS, one of the Dooyoo adverts popped up anyway. It is quite fallible.
DOOYOO AND THE PUS
I haven't deleted or uninstalled PUS, but I never visit Dooyoo with it switched on. Every single time a Dooyoo page loads, whether it's the welcome page, my profile, a review, or a review after I've clicked the rating button, Dooyoo sends a pop-up and PUS blocks it. This means that I get the annoying dormant cursor effect many times, and it isn't worth it; I much prefer allowing the permanent advert to load, keeping it hidden, and continuing without it. As for the pus, it's clearing up nicely. And my cat's alright too.
VERDICT
A pop-up stopper is a nice asset to own, whether it has been downloaded, paid for, or part of an internet browser such as the popular Opera [I was no fool], but I found too many tiny grievances with this software, and have found myself audibly sighing and occasionally even swearing through clenched teeth when my mouse pointer suddenly ceases to be operational.
"Even better: switch me on, switch me off, like some battery-powered sex aid" - Arnold Judas Rimmer, Red Dwarf
I have given PUS three out of five stars as it is still a very good program, especially as it's free, and it has another excellent feature: it can be switched off. This may sound like a sarcastic comment, but this means that I can leave PUS running when I'm on sites that may bombard me with adverts, and a simple double-click can turn it off when I'm on Dooyoo (explained earlier) or viewing a friendly pop-up. It's not a program that takes over your system, so on that basis I would recommend it, although there will definitely be better versions out there. Until I find an adequate substitute, I guess I'm stuck with the PUS.
Advantages: Blocks most ads, Can be switched on and off, Free download, but updates can be bought
Disadvantages: Very annoying, Doesn't always work
Function over Seduction [Certainly looks like it]
Written on 21.05.04
***** [Watch out Dictionary.com, we've got another five-star favourite!]
Nationwide's website is easy to use, convenient and very secure. Although by its very nature as a building society's online information centre it is relatively devoid of excitement and nice colours it has proven invaluable to me in checking on my funds and earnings when buying a stream of unnecessary CDs and DVDs off the internet to keep me amused.
COMMON FEATURES
When visiting the website, internet users are presented with a guide to the essential features of Nationwide building society for reference. Category tabs provide all the necessary information for those interested in loans, investments, mortgages, credit cards, pensions, savings, insurance and banking, however the primary reason that most Nationwide customers visit the website is to sign in and check on, or make to changes to, their building society account.
ACCOUNT MANAGEMENT
Once a customer has signed in, their accounts show up separately on the screen with brief indications of how much money is contained within them. Selecting an account takes the user directly to a Mini Statement of recent transactions, although there are options to view the full statement with options of how far back to track the account; all of this is free, and doesn't require the customer to stand in front of a cash machine waiting for reels of statements to print.
From these account screens it is also very easy for a customer to access information on overdrafts or initiate payment transfers, while the customary 'preferences' section allows the user to further customise the presentation of their account. This is still strictly business however, and there is no Stingray theme available for use as the backdrop. [Kids.]
CUSTOMER SERVICE
A major advantage of the internet bank over the traditional branches is that you can ask important financial questions, with the details readily at hand, at all hours of the day and night. The site offers a 48-hour reply promise, and I have always received a helpful, if slightly robotic reply within this time period. [Stop bothering them with your petty queries, they have adults to serve.] Frequently Asked Questions and a Help section are also at hand to answer questions you may have, and to bring new questions to light that you can then answer for yourself and so on to infinity etc.
SECURITY
The log-in system was updated last year for even greater security, and although it can be a little tedious having to go through the stages every time you log on, it does give me greater confidence in my account's security. By ticking a box, users can ask their computers to store the long and complex account number, and there are two further steps which have to be performed manually on each visit.
The first is 'Memorable Data,' which can be one of many pieces of information provided when the member signed up for online banking. I found it difficult to remember what I might have inputted in terms of a place and a memorable date (falling into the trap of deliberately avoiding the obvious but then forgetting the clever alternative immediately), but thankfully I remembered what I had put for memorable person, and this is what I input each time. [Helpfully narrowing down the possibilities there.]
A box underneath used to ask for the user's six digit pass-code, but this was modified to three drop-down boxes that ask for individual numbers out of the six; for example, '6th digit,' '4th digit' and '1st digit.' [Worthwhile example there.] Once the customer has completed his or her business on the site, it is always recommended that instead of simply closing the internet browser window, users select the prominent 'Sign Off' icon as an extra security measure.
VERDICT
As someone who uses the internet for almost all transactions it is very useful for me to have my financial information at hand all the time. It was very easy to set up an e-Savings account, which provides a larger rate of interest than the already very competitive Flex-Account, and any time the balance in my Flex-Account reaches around a hundred pounds - I must stress that I am a young person who has never done a day's work and whose main sources of income are eBay and Dooyoo [Not going to change for three and a half years, apart from the student loan] - I can deposit most of the money immediately into the e-Savings account, something I make sure always has a balance divisible by five or ten for ease of measurement.
I still have to visit the local Nationwide branch to deposit cheques, but online payments methods mean that I hardly ever have to do this any more; this is a shame as the ladies that work there are all very pleasing to look at while waiting in a queue, and one day I will marry them all (assuming that each consecutive marriage falls apart due to the flimsy nature of the relationship and attraction). [There it was.]
Until that day, the online Nationwide facility is incredibly handy and easy to navigate, and makes me confident that I will never have any problems with hackers and similar gits. [Gits will come.]
Advantages: Secure, useful and dependable, Information on all aspects of the building society, Excellent and prompt customer service [Stop bothering them]
Disadvantages: Log-in is a little annoying for regular visitors, Not all services can be performed online
The Extra £5
Written on 28.05.04
*****
Most internet shoppers will be familiar with Amazon, and regular writers on Dooyoo often take the opportunity to convert their Dooyoo miles into UK Amazon vouchers when they have earned enough. The website does not have the best prices on the internet, but it is very reliable, extensive and enjoyable to browse.
RANGE OF PRODUCTS
Amazon sell loads. Seriously, the only reason you could fail to be surprised by the range of products on sale from Amazon is if you were already fully aware of it, and even then you would have been surprised at some point in the past. Many people associate Amazon with books, as they are one of the most reliable and well-stocked suppliers of reading material in the country [This was before proper ebooks, I think], but the advertisements on their home page are more eager to point customers in the direction of the 'Electronics & Photo' section, as well as big-sellers such as DVDs and video games, the DVD release of the third Lord of the Rings film being highlighted this month.
Following is the list of all the sections on Amazon: Books, Electronics & Photo, Music, DVD, Video, Software, PC & Video Games, Home & Garden, Toys & Kids!, Travel.
The only areas in which I am experiences [Sic] are that [Sic] of books, music and DVD, although the layout of all is very similar and should apply across the board. The Amazon search bar is the only sure-fire way of finding what you're after amidst the rest of the stock, unless you are looking for something very new or very popular, but sub-categories are provided if you enjoy browsing through web pages. Special Offers are always indicated by a link, and there can be some very competitive offers if you have the patience.
In my experience of books, music and DVDs, Amazon almost always stock everything I am interested in, but sometimes the lack thereof is puzzling; I can understand them not stocking limited edition CDs by obscure bands you haven't even heard of but which I have (you fool) [An uncool Stewart Lee], but they sometimes have rather obvious gaps that other prominent websites do not, even for new DVD releases.
DELIVERY
Unlike other websites, the variety of items shipped daily by Amazon means they cannot offer a free delivery option (free deliveries from Play.com don't include heavy books after all), but Amazon do employ 'Super Saver Delivery' to encourage customers to spend more. It works. By spending £25 or over, all customers in the UK can receive free delivery to their homes, albeit by second class post, although the amount of '£12.99'-style prices on the website does make it very frustrating and often impossible to hit the £25 exactly [I was wise to their games], the closest alternative being around £25.94 or something in that vicinity.
Amazon are excellent at deliveries though, and I've never had any delays from the Super Saver or First Class services. Everything I've ordered has come in the firm's own cardboard packaging, varying in size from thin folded packets to large boxes, and this is probably better for the environment than plastic envelopes. ["Probably."] Still, the £25 thing is annoying at times, especially when you only wish to spend your £20 worth of gift vouchers from Dooyoo. [I was wise to their games.]
CUSTOMER REVIEWS
Taking a leaf out of the book owned by the excellent website Dooyoo, or perhaps just not, Amazon encourage a system of consumer opinions on products to help encourage prospective buyers, or point them in the direction of another product (preferably more expensive). There doesn't seem to be any form of bias in showing reviews however, although I expect there is a system to censor bad language, and other customers or visitors can rate each review on its usefulness.
Although there may be differing opinions on these differing opinions, I am a big fan of them, as they give a personal view on something I'm interested in, and have been very helpful in pointing out advantages and disadvantages in a way that, when well written, give me a clear indication of my own feelings about the product. Sort of a mini Dooyoo without the financial rewards, sense of community or technical bugs. [Stab.]
MARKETPLACE SELLERS
In the metaphysical basement of the theoretical Amazon building sits the dank and somewhat smelly realm of the Amazon Marketplace, a sub-division of Amazon that can hold great bargains as well as unbelievable extortion. 'Z-shops' [Weird] and verified Marketplace companies are usually very reliable in supplying lower priced or more extensive ranges of products, especially of you can link to their official websites, but sometimes individual sellers will attempt to exploit the naivety of some internet shoppers, turning this whole community into a sort of rubbish version of eBay.
I have been very satisfied with import CDs I have bought from American companies, but over the last year I have realised that it's usually a lot more beneficial to visit other websites: Amazon's seller charges are quite high compared to those of eBay, so sellers naturally have to compensate by raising their prices a little. I've never sold on Amazon, but I'm told that charges are only taken when your item sells, but the cost is around 17% of the sale to the seller. eBay.com or internet searches should always lead to something more beneficial than the Amazon Marketplace.
AMERICAN ADVANTAGES
It's often difficult to tell whether '.com' indicates an American or international site, but in the case of Amazon it is the former. eBay.com is an international site however, with some great bargains and sellers from all nations, so go check that out. All Amazon.com prices are in US dollars and although international delivery is available and encouraged, no one outside the US can benefit from Super Saver deliveries.
This website does have its advantages though, even to someone living in the UK. More obscure items that are either not listed or not available for sale on Amazon UK can be found on the US site, something I discovered when searching for a very specific edition of the film 'Nosferatu' on DVD [For a complete scrounger, I was surprisingly specific in my preference of silent film prints, tinting and scores], although I mainly use the website for reference. The customer reviews, mentioned earlier, are often found in greater quantity on the US site, offering personal opinions on books, CDs and films that are not available elsewhere.
The layout of the American site is slightly more complex and less pleasing to the eye than the British site, and this makes it harder to view similar products or compare prices, but there some nice features such as the 'Search Inside' option for books, allowing a very brief but occasionally decision-making look at the first few pages of novels or art books available for sale.
There are not too many bargains to be found by importing from Amazon.com, as the delivery charges will likely outweigh any difference between pounds and dollars you may have noticed, so I'd only recommend the site for research purposes or getting hold of specialist items. And in broad terms, America's where the real Amazon river is anyway which, while highly irrelevant, may influence some less wise peoples' decisions over where to shop. [I quite like the deliberately confusing digressions in these consumer reviews.]
VERDICT
Once you are signed in to Amazon, your internet browser remembers who you are (as long as you don't delete the temporary files), and it shocked me at first just how well Amazon seem to 'know' you. [Ain't seen nothing yet.] Every time I visit I see 'Dave's Store' as an option, replacing the generic 'Your Store' for those not signed in, and although this often features well anticipated links to products I'm interested in, based on my purchases and views, most of the time they're not very interesting. Still, it's nice to be greeted in the morning.
Amazon do have some disadvantages over other websites, but most of the arguments that could be put forward would be unnecessarily perfectionist; after all, their stock is far more extensive than high street shops and suppliers, and the prices are often better as well. I'll never stop suggesting that people should compare prices at other websites, especially for DVDs and music, but Amazon does dwarf almost all of these with its reliability and security.
Advantages: Extensive range of products, Excellent delivery service, Consumer reviews [You're not convincing me that's a plus]
Disadvantages: Prices aren't too competitive, Sometimes lacking in specific products
HotMales.cum [Clickbait pioneer]
Written on 12.06.04
****
Okay, I haven’t received that particular one but plenty of my spam comes close. Microsoft Hotmail is arguably the most popular free e-mail service and its adaptability to Windows ensures that it is the first choice for many people. Many internet dwellers despise its very existence, but as usual there are advantages and disadvantages to the service.
WHAT IS IT?
Hotmail is the Microsoft corporation’s free internet-based e-mail provider, however upgrades can be purchased for extended use and features. Signing up for an e-mail address is free and very straightforward, and the extent to which the user’s Hotmail account is used as their primary account can be sorted through the Outlook Express program.
As Hotmail offers a free service there are obvious limitations and a few drawbacks, and for this reasons [Sic] most internet surfers [Retro] with a Hotmail account will use it in addition to their primary e-mail account; there can be a number of problems when the two are allowed to intermingle. A Hotmail ‘account’ (e-mail address) can also be used in conjunction with the MSN Messenger program and Microsoft community groups if desired. [So it is actually an account, not an 'account.']
WHY IS IT?
As most people use Microsoft’s Windows program to run their computers, the company ensured that this free service would be easily adaptable to Windows systems. In some ways it can be seen as the idiot’s easy e-mail service, although its functions and effectiveness show that it’s much more than that. An e-mail address is often vital for internet users who desire membership to sites such as Dooyoo, or who wish to shop at online shops and auction sites, and Hotmail is a fairly secure method of doing this.
ADVANTAGES
Hotmail is fairly similar to other free e-mail providers, however those who wish to integrate it more fully into their systems will find it very easy to access, especially if they are alerted to new mail while using Microsoft’s god-awful Messenger service (apologies, I tried keeping this review fairly unbiased). [I resented Messenger for stealing all of my friend.] The Hotmail site itself can be customised with folders in order to separate the different genres of pornography sent to you by valued, but a bit strange, friends [...Oh yeah, this is actually true] and sending an e-mail is also made easier through the ability to save common contacts’ e-mail addresses. Attachments can be added to e-mails but these have to stay fairly small.
DRAWBACKS
Many people despise Hotmail and Microsoft in general for their monopolistic hold over the international computer and software markets, however this service is relatively problem free. The amount of space provided for each user is limited to 2 MB [This is a good bit of trivia], which can fill up very fast if the user receives many e-mails, and there are common problems with the server capacity: a blank screen with “the server is too busy” is a very common sight.
Spam, junk e-mail sent automatically to a number of e-mail addresses, is also an issue with Hotmail as its popularity leads many companies to calculate e-mail addresses and send these unfortunate people their groundbreaking new solutions for penis enlargement methods, all of which are naturally guaranteed. Hotmail’s junk mail filter is effective at singling out most of these, however it does slip up and mistake newsletters and private messages for junk mail on occasion.
VERDICT
I use Hotmail, but not as my primary e-mail account and there are several reasons for this. Firstly, it’s down to the simple matter of the site’s appearance: like many people I’ve experienced trouble with Windows in the past and I prefer not be reminded of this by the blue colour scheme and four-colour butterfly and window motifs all over the place. The servers are also very prone to becoming ‘busy’ at important times of the day and, in general, I don’t feel I can trust Hotmail with my account details.
I’m not an anti-Windows person really, partly because it’s very easy to use despite its problems and secondly because I’m too lazy to bother seeking out another system, but I get a better vibe off using the free e-mail provided by ‘Yahoo!’ which is more customisable and more aesthetically pleasing. [Gmail from 2007.] I wouldn’t recommend customising Outlook Express to your Hotmail account as any spam you start receiving will likely be permanent and can only really go on the increase.
Hotmail presents a very easy and quick way to set up a new e-mail account and can be used in situations where an address is required for a site, but you wish to protect more important addresses from spam. It’s not the site’s fault that it can become overcrowded and this is after all a free service, however I don’t have any experience of the upgrades which can be purchased. Free e-mail services suit all of my needs perfectly. I still prefer to use Yahoo though; they even have a ‘.co.uk’ option there.
The eleventh Rule of Acquisition states, “even if it’s free, you can always buy it cheaper.” This is of no relevance here. [More reviews should end on an unexplained Star Trek non-sequitur.]
Advantages: It's free, It's easy, It's fairly reliable
Disadvantages: Quite small inbox capacity, Spam filters can slip up, Reeks of Microsoft [Shut up, you'll stick lazily with Windows forever]
Live Sh*t: Fringe & Purge [Wonder if this obscure Metallica reference will be left unexplained]
Written on 22.06.04
****
It’s a shame that only Metallica fans will appreciate that title.
The name ‘Ticketweb’ conjures an image of a monopolistic and extortionate internet company, the primary goal of which is to acquire all the tickets of popular entertainment shows and sell them to desperate people at the last minute at heinous prices. Fortunately, this is not the case; Ticketweb simply sounds similar to Ticketmaster, a company that, while popular, is also infamous for such actions.
In fact, Ticketweb is a very reliable and reasonable supplier of tickets to all manner of shows, although I would say it is geared a little more towards comedy and entertainment shows than music concerts. While Ticketweb haven’t exactly helped me in my darkest hour in the way that other people on Dooyoo have found, they nonetheless presented an opportunity to me before their competitors.
EDINBURGH 2004
Comedian and general Christ among men Richard Herring (you should check out his daily journal at his website www.richardherring.com, it’s mostly great) is performing his new show ‘The Twelve Labours of Hercules Terrace’ at the hugely popular Edinburgh Fringe festival this summer, and this was my main motivation in wanting to attend this event that was so often the best way to see new talent that would soon become big on the television, that I could then say I saw first and pull a deservedly smug grin as I would clearly be better than whoever I was talking to. Although I wouldn’t do this. I realised it would probably be a fairly costly endeavour, however Richard Herring cautioned visitors to his website to book their tickets to all shows early to avoid disappointment, and I had some time spare on Sunday. [This was presumably before I contacted him and my actual face got into that show, or I'd be going on about it.]
The official site of the Fringe, edfringe.com, is now selling tickets to all shows at very fair prices, although on Sunday it was not yet providing this service. A little foolishly (but not too much so) I decided to beat the rush and get my tickets on Sunday, and Ticketweb was the first site I came across. [Enjoyably naive to worry that one date late in Richard Herring's month-long run would sell out two months in advance before tickets were even widely available.]
NAVIGATION
The site is very easy to locate and features the usual links to ‘hot selling’ gigs and festivals on the home page, as well as a search facility that can be narrowed down by venue and date, and the customary ‘help desk,’ ‘shopping cart’ and ‘order status’ options. I wasn’t exactly faced with a navigational dilemma when a large red box featured the legend ‘Edinburgh Fringe Festival 2004,’ and this led to a sub-section of the site with a number of events listed, although not all of them. Purchasing each set of tickets by date was straightforward, and they even remained in the virtual shopping basket when the internet crashed (surprisingly, as these kind of mistakes never happen with Windows do they?) [You're on Windows for life, just appreciate it] and I had to open a new browser. As I didn’t have any problems with my order I was unable to experience the customer service, although e-mail confirmation of my order was sent instantly and included all the necessary information.
PRICES & DELIVERY
The average price of each show was around £10, although there were a few pounds added to my order overall so the site could line its non-existent pockets with my very existent money, but it was very fair. I chose for my tickets to be mailed to me through first class post (I figured I might as well get into the Fringe mentality of allowing financial concerns to wait until later on) and they arrived this morning, one working day later. The shows that weren’t listed on Ticketweb I had to buy from elsewhere on Monday, and this showed me that the ticket costs are reasonably universal.
VERDICT
I’d recommend Ticketweb for a very reliable service, however there are a few points that they make very clear which caused me to pause: firstly, tickets are non-refundable, and if there are any errors in the tickets sent, there is only a brief period in which they can be replaced. This made me glad I had stayed up until about 3 the previous night planning my two day stint, but it could present problems when buying in bulk and attempting to persuade friends and associates to use them.
Sticking with the Edinburgh example, the charges are also a little steep in comparison to the edfringe.com site that I used to buy the ‘other half’ of my tickets, and if I were to do it again I would have bought them all together as they are not yet selling out. [And won't.] I’m still quite glad that I bought these quickly however, as I was guaranteed tickets to the main shows and primary reasons I wanted to attend the festival: Stewart Lee’s show and Richard Herring’s ‘Twelve Tasks of Hercules Terrace.’ [Richard's show has apparently changed its title during the course of this review.]
I still haven’t got round to booking accommodation though. [I'm just glad you're getting out.]
Advantages: Reliable and reasonably priced, Very fast delivery and secure service, Easy to navigate
Disadvantages: Service costs are a little high, Non-refundable tickets
CD-fairlydisappointing
Written on 26.06.04
***
CD-Wow seems to be one of the most popular and successful online retailers of CDs and DVDs, with a staggering 218 reviews here on Dooyoo [Early 2000s trivia for you], however it’s never been a site I’ve found useful for a number of reasons. Although the site is reliable, secure and very well maintained, the prices and range of products makes it inferior to many of its competitors. I don’t see what all the fuss is about.
PRODUCTS
Primarily a supplier of CD albums and singles, CD-Wow display their top sellers on the home page (curiously located at www8.cd-wow.co.uk) [That is curious] and feature the current album chart at much lower prices than on the high street. The same goes for DVDs, although in this regard there isn’t such a noticeable difference in the prices. The problem with me is that I’m a bit overly fussy about what I listen to and watch [That's not the only problem], and I seem to find it clever to like CDs and DVDs that are a little harder to come by: in this regard, the website lets me down badly, even when the products have previously been relatively big sellers.
As well as the search facility, the products can also be viewed by category. These are as diverse as ‘Top 75’ and ‘Teen Appeal,’ whatever that entails. The strange part comes with the search results, which occasionally feature a list of albums and DVDs that bear no relation to what has been searched for. If you’re someone who enjoys buying what you’ve heard playing on the radio, this website will obviously be of more benefit. [Bloody normies.]
PRICES
I always advise against paying high street prices for goods that could be easily bought online, unless of course you’re in a hurry and the price difference isn’t too great. If you’re a collector of albums however, the general £8.99 price for anything released within the last year (with popularity) on CD-Wow will be less of a stress on your bank than the £12.99 commonly charged in shops, but I would also suggest looking elsewhere for the products on the internet: CD-Wow may be one of the most well known, but there are plenty of other dependable retailers, some of which have added benefits.
Following are several CD and DVD suppliers that may be of interest as an alternative, in my experience:
Amazon.co.uk – Only offers free delivery on orders over £25, but they do have an incredible stock of CDs, DVDs, books, games, electronics and other items. And you can convert Dooyoo miles into Amazon vouchers of course.
Play.com – With very fast and free delivery this is very similar to CD-Wow, but some prices are lower. Play also have a slightly more extensive stock of CDs.
101CD.com – Delivery takes a little longer, but this British supplier of CDs and DVDs has a huge list of items, including imports. Postage is only £1 per order, but on some CDs it is free. Definitely worth a look.
eBay.co.uk – I couldn’t leave eBay out; even for new releases, some of the suppliers can provide excellent prices, and a great deal of feedback on a seller is almost a guarantee of excellent service.
CD-Wow do feature a number of bargain CDs for £4.99, including many popular recent releases, but again this is a fairly limited range and the products can usually be found for the same price elsewhere.
DELIVERY
This is another area in which CD-Wow fail to particularly impress me, as although delivery for every order is free of charge, so customers can buy the odd CD whenever they feel like it without having to bulk buy to save on postage costs, delivery usually takes 5 to 7 days from the suppliers. Customers must decide whether to save a bit of money in exchange for having to wait a while. In terms of security, I’ve been fortunate in never having experienced problems with websites possessing my bank details, but the professionalism of CD-Wow means that there shouldn’t be any problems.
I can’t see myself ever using CD-Wow, however this is mainly due to the lack of extensive stock, and the fact that I can almost always get a better deal elsewhere. I would still recommend the site to those with more flexible interests, but only in terms of the CD department as it’s very easy to find cheaper DVDs elsewhere. Overall, they are a fairly average CD supplier, the low prices being balanced out by a lack of diversity. They’re certainly not the best by any means.
And they only stock one Iron Maiden album. It is a good one though. [Great, now I'll be wondering about that forever.]
Advantages: Lower prices than on the high street, Free delivery, Stocks all current popular music
Disadvantages: Limited stock, Delivery takes a long time, Same prices can be found elsewhere
Stick to the Physical
Written on 19.07.04
***
Growing up close to a (slightly) bustling town, tangible and real WH Smith stores have satisfied many of my changing desires and crazes over the one-score-year-minus-two of my life. Over the last couple of years I have largely replaced physical shops with cheaper and easier online equivalents, but WH Smith’s online store has proven useful to me on two occasions: one time it was very helpful, the other time very disappointing.
LAYOUT & PRODUCTS
Often advertised as whsmithonline.co.uk (although it can also be reached simply through whsmith.co.uk), the site is extensive and stocks everything that could be found in the Crewe WH Smith store apart from chocolate bars, presumably as child’s impulse buys and parent nags don’t translate into the internet environment, but the advantage of online shopping is that everything will theoretically be included that can be found in any store throughout the country, plus extra stock for more limited custom. [78-word, full-paragraph sentence.]
The prices for DVDs, books, games and music are fairly similar to other major suppliers online, but a better deal can almost always be found elsewhere. The site also sells stationery and magazines which are less common online, but also a little less popular to buy through the post. The search facility is easy to use and accurate (unlike the site that you are sitting in front of now) [Slam] and the FAQ sections cover all popular questions and problems with the site. It’s blue as well, I don’t think I mentioned that.
SELLING POINTS
The advantage of sprouting from a very successful and well-known retail chain is that special offers can occasionally be put forward to entice further custom. Using the examples of my own dealings with the site, the comedian/writer Dave Gorman was approached to sign several hundred copies of his book ‘Dave Gorman’s Googlewhack Adventure’ prior to its official release that WH Smith could sell exclusively online. [Apparently, I needed a remotely signed copy.] The site can also be accessed through search engines when looking for a specific, difficult-to-find products such as this popular book of anatomy that my friend asked me to order for him.
WH Smith aren’t infallible though, as demonstrated by their change from the hexagonal orange and grey sign of my childhood to the boring blue and white of the modern look. Some products are listed that can be ‘tracked down,’ but that are always potentially unavailable. This is exactly what happened to the anatomy book thing that my artistic friend was so looking forward to receiving, although it did take a long time for them to realise just how unavailable it was.
The site does offer an enticement (that doesn’t work with me; I make a point of never giving into things like this) [Never had a Nectar card in years of shopping at Sainsbury's] in the form of ‘points’ that can be redeemed for money off future transactions, similar to the Clubcard of the stores but only for online use, which I think is a little unfair.
POSTAGE & SERVICE
Taking after Amazon, WH Smith offer free postage on orders over £25 (although this is specified as only being for a limited time) as well as for any orders of magazines. However, any other orders receive a high fixed postage charge of £2.99, increasing from the £2.00 of last year. This more than makes up for most of the savings that can be made by buying online, although there is another method of receiving the goods: they can be sent at no cost to the customer’s nearest WH Smith store to be collected.
Personally I would feel a little tight-fisted ordering some DVDs or albums at a slightly lower cost than the store provides, only to stroll in and collect them with some sort of smug ‘I’ve saved money, you idiots haven’t’ facial expression. This is still quite a useful method however when the order is for a rare item that can’t be found in the store, as this permits the facial advertising expression of ‘I couldn’t find what I was looking for in the store so I shopped online, why don’t you? They deliver free to stores.’
The website accepts a number of credit and debit cards that can be either inputted into what is presumably a very secure server, or phoned in if you don’t trust all this internet stuff. The customer service replied very quickly to my query over an undelivered item, but it still took me to remind them of the error before it was corrected.
VERDICT
WHSmith.co.uk isn’t a site I’ll visit again in a hurry unless I hear of any more exclusive offers as better deals can be found elsewhere, ‘points’ system aside. The idea of delivering to a store is nice, and is certainly preferable to the pretty steep postage charge for orders under £25, however Play.com, Amazon, eBay and other sites offer consistently better deals for most of the products (Amazon are especially good with books). There are plenty of products but I’ve been let down once and I’ll be sure to check the availability of rare products before offering to buy books of anatomy for my friends again, no matter how much they beg me. [Buy your own book, Dan.]
One final point as well: it’s WH Smith, or Smiths if you’re in a rush. Not WH Smiths, that’s just unnecessarily longer. [Good pedantic exit.]
Advantages: Large range of products, Prompt customer service, Store delivery is a nice idea
Disadvantages: High postage cost, Better deals elsewhere, You can't browse the magazines
That's No Moon... That's Asterisks and Dots
Written on 17.08.04
***
In 1997, George Lucas supervised and released the remastered, ‘definitive’ versions of his Star Wars trilogy, utilising the very latest in computer technology.
That same year, Simon Jansen began reproducing the first Star Wars film in text form, a code known as ASCII that I would demonstrate in its simplest form here, were it not for Dooyoo’s shifting of word layout. I’ve already tried it in two reviews with mixed results, so just visit Jansen’s site at asciimation.co.nz to see it in all its stupid glory. [Oh god, it's still there.]
WHAT IS ASCII?
As simply as even I can understand it, ASCII is a very basic way of presenting pictures and diagrams in computer programs that can only display simple characters, although this data can be entered as a program itself. Nowadays it’s more commonly associated with mobile phone text messages, where people can send very poorly done sexual images along with some kind of brilliant caption, using several different pictures that, when played in succession, create a basic animation. [This is getting too kitsch nostalgic now.]
The most famous example of an ASCII program was a camel picture made up of letters, numbers, #s, ]s, ?s, %s, *s, etc. As well as being the most perfect rendition of a camel available in that format, it also worked as program that, when entered, produced a picture of two camels. Wow.
ADAPTING A CLASSIC
Technobabble aside, this site’s main feature is the animation of Star Wars (or ‘A New Hope’ if you are a bit strange) that plays instantly and features frame after frame of ASCII people, locations, spaceships, lightsabres and droids. It plays in a frame on the site so no download is needed, and once the initial excitement of sitting through a very long, albeit incomplete film wears off (shortly after the stormtroopers attack Leia’s ship), the action can be skipped through by holding the left mouse button down and attempting to spot exactly what’s going on so you can see your favourite scenes played out in very silly form. I bet people have sat all the way through this, even if their Star Wars video is ready and waiting to be viewed.
The use of letters, numbers and symbols probably isn’t perfect but it’s more than acceptable for the amount of effort that has obviously been put in, and as the screen size isn’t huge there’s obviously not that much room for detail when two characters are required to be fully in the frame. There also isn’t much use made of perspective, as that would be a nightmare: everything is pretty much head-on. And Princess Leia isn’t anywhere near as beautiful when her trademark hair is reduced to ‘@’ signs. Still, if he adapted her revealing attire from ‘Return of the Jedi,’ that could be worth a look.
PROGRAMMER WITHOUT A CAUSE
I am not someone who spends time watching animations on the internet, especially those that involve dancing animals or stupid talking eggs (I hate that stuff) [Didn't get it], but when I became aware of this site I immediately had to check it out: the sheer pointlessness of spending a huge amount of time redesigning a classic film in an unnecessarily basic format deserves respect, and possibly the deployment of men in white coats to administer brain medicine or something.
Simon Jansen has not completed the film, but this is understandable. It’s a good joke, but once it’s been going a while it must be difficult to retain an interest. Probably why rubbish comedian Timmy Mallet still tours the country in increasingly tiny venues over fifteen years since his show was cancelled, which is true. [Leave Mallet alone.] Jansen seems to enjoy it though.
OTHER FEATURES
Although the site is mainly dedicated to this hard work, there is an interesting FAQ section in which Jansen answers questions regarding compatibility, sanity and his motives, as well as a very short piece of original ASCII’ing called ‘The Death of Jar Jar.’ Not exactly enjoyable or anything, even for the most avid loather of the idiot CGI alien, especially as it’s hard to make out or understand. Jansen can also be contacted if you have any queries, suggestions or abuse.
VERDICT
A fun site to visit once, keeping the spirit of healthy, pointless obsessions alive in this crazy world that we call the world (Earth technically). [Alan Partridge joke.] With very minimal loading time and no downloads required it’s a nice cheap thrill of a site that will hopefully influence similarly odd people with similarly vast amounts of spare time and a tape of Star Wars on standby.
When the Star Wars Trilogy receives its long-awaited official DVD release next month, VCR pause buttons everywhere will finally be spared the constant over-use by ASCII fans skimming slowly through Star Wars films for the dialogue and layout of the action, or just for that bit when Leia’s wearing the exciting outfit. I don’t do that though.
Advantages: He could be bothered, Faithful to the script and film, Can please Star Wars nerds and internet nerds equally
Disadvantages: Only worth seeing once, Nothing too special, He still hasn't fixed them shelves [Pot kettle. I'm talking to you, 2018 Dave. Sorry.]
Go Faster Stripe
Cardiff Provides the Moon on a Stick
Written on 01.12.07 [A one-off reprise three years later to help promote my guys]
*****
One of my favourite obscure delights is arty stand-up comedy from the likes of people you've probably never heard of [You've won them over already], making the Edinburgh Fringe festival a required pilgrimage every August to catch old favourites and spunky newcomers performing their daft hours of comedy and, more often than not, losing a considerable amount of money in pursuit of their artistic vision. These shows will be shared by between four and a hundred or so people each night of August before the more successful ones take the material on tour and retire it at the end of the year, never to be heard of again apart from in the nostalgic conversations of nerdy comedy fans. Most of these performers are too unknown for a DVD or CD release to be a financial possibility, and only the most fortunate fans will acquire the delight of a terrible quality, illegally recorded audio bootleg of their favourite comedian mumbling unintelligibly into a distant microphone and being applauded at ear-splitting volume by the bloke with the Dictaphone on his lap. At least, that was the situation until some Welshmen came along to save the day...
Go Faster Stripe is an independent film production company set up by a bloke called Chris and his crew of cameramen, editors and the other stuff you need to record someone speaking on a tiny stage in Cardiff's attractively dingy Chapter Arts Centre. The endeavour began when Chris was saddened to hear that comedian Stewart Lee's excellent 2005 stand-up show was not going to be released on DVD by 2entertain, due to the (inevitably) poor sales of his previous DVD that the ignorant company seemed to consider commercially viable based entirely on Lee's infamy at the time as director and co-writer of the hit 'Jerry Springer: The Opera.' In response to Lee's own appeal on his website that he would be grateful for the opportunity to record his more recent show for posterity as a low-budget affair before it faded into oblivion, without hoping for anything unrealistic like making a profit, the deal was struck and the first of many (well, several) Go Faster Stripe productions was in the bag.
As a labour of love, there's no denying that Go Faster Stripe has an irresistible charm, and by inviting some of the nation's finest modern comedians to record their current shows, or in some cases responding to the comedian's own request for an invite, the team are providing a unique service to the performers' ridiculously loyal fan bases. The DVDs are professionally produced in realistic quantities, and the price is fixed at an excellent £10 (plus £1.50 total postage cost, no matter how big the order, or a little more if you live outside of Europe) that more or less covers the cost of filming and production, which is paid securely and exclusively through a PayPal account. As a small company, the actual releases are few and far between, with only four DVDs currently available [Many more now] as well as an audio release, but three further shows have been filmed and are awaiting an unveiling some time in the new year. While it's a shame that output seems limited to only a few select releases per year at this stage, it's entirely understandable considering the time involved for one small team to manufacture a professional DVD, while also balancing out commitments to a real job that will actually make them some money for food, bills and tickets to comedy gigs.
All of the shows are filmed at the same venue, which makes for a nice/dull sense of continuity if you're interested in more than one performer (and it's likely that you will be, if you're the kind of person who is interested in the first place), and there are no restrictions whatsoever on the material: cameras are simply set up, an interval is scheduled for those in attendance, and the comedian does their thing. Following the first release of Stewart Lee's '90s Comedian,' in which the renowned erudite atheist embraces his perceived persona in discussing endoscopy, the London bombings, Joe Pasquale and a personal vision of Christ amongst other themes, GFS brought over Lee's erstwhile writing partner Richard Herring to resurrect 'Someone Likes Yoghurt,' his own 2005 show that was praised and despised in equal measure, depending on the audience's tolerance for jokes based largely around yoghurt.
Herring's previous show 'The Twelve Tasks of Hercules Terrace' was also released, a Dave Gorman style account of Herring's real-life attempts to perform twelve arduous labours to prove himself a worthy twenty-first century equivalent of the Greek demi-god, but the film itself was taken from an earlier, inferior recording made before all this Welsh business began, and the drop in quality is justly acknowledged with a drop in price to a mere £8. Simon Munnery's 'Hello' is the most recent release, an anthology performance of the subversive comedian's 'greatest hits' from twenty years in the thankless business, and an old audio recording of Stewart Lee's Edward Lear deconstruction 'Pea Green Boat' is available on CD for £5 or slightly more expensive 10" vinyl for £7.50, the latter purely for the sake of indulgence - and why not? More recent recordings from Herring's 'Ménage à un,' Lucy Porter's 'The Good Life' and Robin Ince's 'Robin Ince is as Dumb as You' will be likely released some time in the next few months with the standard £10 price tag.
The company's practical production ethic leads to each DVD being held in a cardboard slipcase with full artwork and blurb details that you would find on a regular DVD, and for those worried about spoiling the appearance of their DVD collection, the website even provides the option of alternative DVD-case-size covers to download and print. The menu screens and impressive special features extend the experience and dispel any doubts about the professionalism of these products, with each filming (apart from archive recordings like the Hercules show) accompanied with a lengthy interview of friendly, insightful banter as standard, waffling on for as long as the comedian and interviewer feel is necessary in the recesses of the comedy club before the gig. Still photos and any related recorded material not present in the main feature are also added for the comprehensive experience, and the menus are all individually tailored to the show in question - most notable so far is the brilliant Müller yoghurt design of Herring's 'Someone Likes Yoghurt.' Hidden easter eggs are another irrepressible feature from this cheeky team, often consisting of extra footage of the comedian ad-libbing while the cameras and film are shuffled around during the interval.
Each DVD opens with a thoughtful copyright message asking the minority of people who have actually bought these lovingly produced videos to not simply copy them for their mates; it even reveals that unique software will cause pirated DVDs to deliberately ruin the comic timing of key jokes and punchlines if this is attempted. It's nice to feel fairly secure that these shows won't be plastered over YouTube and Google Video, but the comedians involved are usually of a respected enough background to have some older material on there for prospective buyers to check out if they're interested, particularly in the case of Lee and Herring from their fantastic TV shows of the late nineties that are available to enjoy on those sites in the assurance that the BBC will never release them or even acknowledge their existence.
Future recordings are currently unconfirmed, but any time there is breaking news in the form of a recording event or DVD release, the website sends out an e-mail newsletter that can easily be subscribed to on the home page. It's all but definite that both Lee and Herring will return to record their most recent 2007 shows as soon as they've finished touring them through the first half of next year, and fans of their ilk will all have their own opinions on which comedians would be suited to the Go Faster Stripe treatment in the future. I'm also hopeful that the company will release more archive material in the vein of 'Hercules Terrace' and 'Pea Green Boat' (obviously nothing that's still being kept manacled and rotting in the BBC dungeons) to fill in some missing history, but only time will tell.
Go Faster Stripe is a brilliant and entirely professional endeavour based out of an easily navigated, no-nonsense website. It's simple, it has nice pictures of sheep and things, and best of all, each DVD is granted two free video clips! The comedians often sell these DVDs in person if you're lucky enough to catch one of their gigs and don't want to wait up to 24 hours for the thing to be posted.
www.gofasterstripe.com
Advantages: Unique and practical means to preserving classic stand-up shows.
Disadvantages: Production time is quite long, but bear in mind that they don't make any money out of this
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