Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Which country has the hottest girls?

A couple of years ago, when I heard that a friend of a friend had booked a holiday to China solely because he 'liked Asian girls,' the idea of favouring one specific spin-off of the woman species and going out of your way to infiltrate their natural habitat seemed like a ludicrous idea. Don't all women have equal potential to be desirable, and isn't it more about what's inside than superficial factors like their ethnicity or the colour of their skin?


It was only when I got to Asia that I realised this horny, slightly misogynistic, borderline racist fool was right. Asian women are the best, and in the several months I've been on this continent, my formerly desperately broad and accepting palate has narrowed considerably, to the point that Western girls (especially English ones) don't really do it for me any more.

Maybe this is just another symptom of my pathological rejection of anyone who reminds me of the country I left behind. Similar to how English men abroad unfailingly piss me off, the well-spoken English woman dialect now grates on my ears like no other.

By contrast, I now find most Asian women instantly appealing, and get a funny feeling in my tummy whenever they smile politely at me (which they like to do a lot, the slags). But what do I racistly mean by 'Asian?' What am I after anyway? And, most importantly, which country has the hottest girls? For these definitive answers and more, read on!

You do know that Asia is the world's biggest continent, and home to 60% of the world's population, right?

Okay, maybe I've been generalising a bit (you think?) While I've got nothing against the other attractive women of the Asian continent (apart from that one Malay-Muslim girl I cut my date short with when she turned out to be a massive homophobe), for 'Asian' you should read 'Chinese.' And for 'Chinese' read 'anyone east of Bangladesh, south of Russia, north of Papua New Guinea and west of North America who looks sort of like Boomer from Battlestar Galactica.'

There's definitely some weird psychology at play in my preference for Asian girls, which might be largely because I feel I have more of a chance with them than anyone who looks more like me. I currently have an impressive, almost ludicrous level of confidence in my ability to score with hot dames (notice how I use ironic sexist language to obscure the genuine sexism), because I feel I can offer the same 'exotic' appeal that I find in them. Little do they know that they're getting the short end of the deal, and that English guys are the biggest twats on the planet. Ha ha, I win! You beautiful Asian fools. I'll treat you nicely, I promise.

What are you after anyway?

I'm not really sure. It's not like I want a relationship at any time in the foreseeable future - I couldn't have less interest in being tied into any kind of contract now I've successfully wriggled out of all my other commitments in life (I don't even have a phone contract). And I'm not even particularly interested in that side of things either - not when there are so few hours in the day and so much pointless blogging and worthless novel writing to be done.

BOOMER: Hey there handsome, you look tired. Wanna come lie down for a while?

DAVE: First things first, Boomer - what have I told you about putting the gas fire on full? Do you think I'm made of money? If you'd just put some bloody clothes on and stop walking around practically naked all the time, you wouldn't need it so hot.

BOOMER: My sister warned me about you!

DAVE: Well maybe you should ask her how she knew.

Still, something inside of me persuades me that hanging out with beautiful girls is somehow a good idea, and one to be followed even if it means going out of my way to do so. Actually, maybe it's something outside of me that's responsible. This has had mixed results in the past, and I thought I'd got over it after Taiwan, but that's the danger when you're travelling aimlessly with no kind of plan - you can be a little too open to influence when anything resembling a mission objective comes along.

So which country does have the hottest girls?

I never planned to choose a favourite from these various exporters of beautiful women, but unfortunately that old bastard Evidence has reared its ugly face again, and it looks like Korean girls have to be declared the overall winners. Specifically South Korean girls. Even more specifically (and unusually), South Korean-Canadian girls - some magical, mysterious combination of Korean genetics and Canadian upbringing that results in unprecedented hotness. All the Koreans I've met have been really friendly too.

I've actually only encountered one of this sub-species so far, which is so small a research sample that even MMR fraudster Andrew Wakefield would demand a second opinion. But the Korean-Canadian girl I hung out with briefly in Kaohsiung, Taiwan (Tina) was probably the most beautiful girl I've ever seen who wasn't a Cylon.

Sadly, this is the only photo I have of Tina.
This is DEFINITELY for the best

Add to the mix the perhaps inevitable revelation that Canadian actress Grace Park also turns out to be of Korean heritage (I had my suspicions, but Wikipedia confirms it), and it's an open and shut case. You won't know Grace Park better for her role as Boomer in Battletar Galactica, but you should, you idiot! It was a great show, and Boomer was clearly much hotter than the too-tall, too-blonde, too-not-Asian whore that hogged all the promotional material (um... calm down).

I'd like to make it clear that it's not Grace Park the actress I'm interested in, but the screwed-up, gun-toting, double-crossing, uniform-wearing Cylon agent she played. Interestingly, the same actress also played the identical clones of Boomer, including the irritating mommy-with-attitude Athena who really doesn't do anything for me at all. Perhaps this shows that, despite the evidence of this entire blog post, I'm not so shallow to base my attractions on looks alone, after all, but on personality too.

Or it could just be that I'm scared of women with kids. Who could possibly say?

So what are you going to do about it?

I get sent job offers to teach English in South Korea all the time. Maybe one of these months I'll take them up on it, and my quest to surround myself with hot chicks will be over.

Or maybe a rule of no-Battlestar-before-bedtime could sort all this out. SO SAY WE ALL!

Novel progress: 16,220 words (32.4%)


  1. And you haven't been in my country yet. lol. It's so cool to read this post you have as I am thinking of writing my view point about country with hottest guys just because I met a Canadian guy in Singapore that says, Philippines are known for having gorgeous girls (I'm not biased, this is what he really said). It's flattering to hear it all the time as I was once told too that Cambodia and Philippines (I forgot the other one, maybe Brazil if I'm not mistaken)are voted with most beautiful girls in the world. Just a thought for you as Philippines and Argentina(Argentina is leading though) are the two countries who have the most crown titles for years at the Ms. Universe Pageant competition. Well, I think you should revise this post after your visit in the Philippines, yeah? hahaha.

    Well, soon I'll be writing about the country with the hottest guys! :)

  2. I've seen good things of South Koreans but haven't made the plunge to actually buy a ticket to visit them in their home country. I'm a bit wary of doing this. Before I went to Asia, I thought Indian girls were incredibly beautiful and I wasn't all that fussed about Thai girls. After visiting those two countries, my views have pretty much reversed.

    Generally I think French girls win.

  3. I've never got the deal with French accents. Maybe I've just seen too many 80s British comedians doing grotesque French impersonations to rob it of any erotic potential.

  4. Oh well, then I should quote Little Prince's words that "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder". And I found Israeli and Italian guys hot!

  5. I look for different things than beauty pageant judges, and different things than most people I think. My eyes don't usually wander too far south from the smile, for example.

    That's not to say I'm any less shallow though. You just need to read this post to see I can be as fickle as anyone.

  6. lolz, so if u really want hot ladies, have u make ur final decision?

  7. Well, this post was supposed to be a bit of a joke, but it's a fact that girls in Asian countries are the best. Just like food.