Kaohsiung ka-kas

I choose to look at today as a bonus day in Kaohsiung - my favourite Taiwanese city so far - rather than the result of a combined screw-up between me and the guy who was supposed to give me a lift to Kenting, meaning I ended up not going there. This is why I hate lifts, I told you people are unreliable - especially when one of them is me.

So on the subject of screw-ups, let's see how Kaohsiung's local business owners have made a cock-up of the English language (great segue or what?) I wasn't going to do these for Kaohsiung, but when I passed this 'exotic' dance bar I had to share its delightful menu with the world.

Don't have a Kaohsiung, man

What's that? A twenty-years-out-of-date Bart Simpson reference that has practically no relevance to the subject matter (Kaohsiung architecture)? And you thought I'd lost it? Eat my shorts, naysayers!

Wet lovin' in Kaohsiung

Another misleading title that's bound to disappoint however you look at it. Unless your fetish is for giant, eco-friendly fish-men - in which case, get your ass to Love River.

A typical day (except with monkeys)

Fictional reader Norris Dudgeon wrote in to ask:

Dear Dave W,

You seem to have an atypical life.
What is a typical day in your life like?

Today was pretty typical of my life in Taiwan. Except with monkeys *

The American Adventure of Kaohsiung

Not my photo. You've seen my photos

Located in the historic district of Zuoying, Lotus Lake is the American Adventure of Kaohsiung.

A misleading comparison that's bound to be meaningless unless you were ever unfortunate enough to visit the now-defunct American Adventure theme park in Derbyshire, England that also consisted of tacky attractions dotted around the shores of an artificial lake.

That's not entirely fair though - some of these pagodas are pretty nice if you ignore the childish bits, AND THERE ARE TURTLES.

Cijin places

Because it's pronounced 'chi-jin,' so it's like 'changing places,' as well as being literally... ah forget it, I'm so done with rubbish pun titles. If only that were true.

Anyway, check out this weird little island just off Kaiohsiung.

Alien City

I knew it! What have I been saying all along? And to think I spent all those years mocking David Icke for his crackpot theories that aliens were among us here on Earth, just because he lacked evidence or true facts.

Here's all the evidence you need that the Taiwanese people are from another planet (or at least the ones in Hualien City). Or I might be making too much of a slightly vandalised sign.