Sunday, December 4, 2016

My Top Ten Websites 2003



A bit less than half a lifetime ago, I started my first "job": writing consumer reviews for dooyoo.co.uk at a few pence a pop (and other supplementary, miniscule rewards) to fund the obsessive DVD boxset collecting that was my primary preoccupation in life.

Being under 18, I was technically too young to be earning money through the site, but that didn't stop me. I just lied about my date of birth on my profile and assumed my writing would be mature enough to convince the grown-ups that I was one of them.

See if you can spot the telltale signs that this ranking of websites from the Victorian internet was penned by a teenage virgin. What's depressing is how much still applies, at least on a thematic level. Includes [explanatory notes] and updates about how those sites are getting on today.

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Chicken tale



Our neighbours raise fighting cocks, at least that's what I deduce from the fragments of virile-looking feed packets that occasionally blow into our garden. It's one of many wholesome pastimes that make them fine examples of the species.

The cocks' raucous dawn chorus wakes me up earlier than would be ideal most mornings, but when I look out over the unkempt field and see them crying out from solitary confinement in enclosures that amount to little more than rooster cosies, I can't feel anger towards them. It's directed elsewhere.

Time for another of my uplifting stories.

Monday, November 28, 2016

Substantialreads: Novirginiawoolfember

I make no apologies for taking affirmative action and dedicating this month to a woman author to help boost my sexist stats. However - you'll want to prepare yourself for a shock - it's an author I wanted to read more from anyway (and to properly read the ones I lazily skim-read at university, despite liking them. I found it harder to read three books a week back when I was actually supposed to).

Anyway, I love the modernists and Woolf is less heavy-going than Joyce. Or seemed so back when I wrote this optimistic intro anyway, I'll see how it goes.

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Guest post: Your Boss Won't Believe These Mind-Blowing Floor Hacks 2016! [Weblog]



There's more to floor than just standing on it.

Shh! The floor industry doesn't want you to know these top secret floor hacks for 2016!

Check out the image gallery below and subscribe now so you don't miss content!

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Guest post: Your Girlfriend Won't Believe These Mind-Blowing Bread Hacks 2016! [Infographic]



There's more to bread than just eating it on it's own.

Shh! The bread industry doesn't want you to know these top secret bread hacks for 2016!

Check out the image gallery below and subscribe now so you don't miss content!

Thursday, November 17, 2016

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are grooming our children! #Pizzagate



In light of the revelation that "pizza" is actually code for trafficked children, I had to confront my own troubled past and cast a critical eye over one of the defining cartoons for the Millennial generation (and possibly subsequent batches): the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (or Hero Turtles if you lived in the molly-coddling EU).

From exhaustive analysis of the opening title sequence, supplemented by memories of scattered episodes that I used to have on video, it's now clear that this series' twisted agenda was to brainwash children into being willing slaves for the Satanic paedophile elite.

Sunday, November 6, 2016

Donatello is purple now? WTF!!! #MandelaEffect

A couple of weeks ago, I reposted an attack I'd found on some stupid conspiracy website accusing my blog of promoting... some kind of inconsistent sinister agenda or other. I don't know. It looks like whatever twat wrote it got bored fairly early on and reconsidered how he was spending his life. Good, hopefully he won't be wasting more of his time and ours with similar tinfoil hat nonsense any time soon.

But when reading through his drivel, I was surprised to see that my otherwise attentive six-year-old self had used the wrong colour on Donatello.




Everyone of my generation (I can't speak for the reboots) knows Donatello's bandana and arm & leg bands are blue, not purple. The Turtles were one of the biggest things in my life back then, and Donatello was objectively the best one. So how could I make such a mistake? It doesn't seem possible. It isn't possible. Something else is going on.

Monday, October 31, 2016

Spooky tale

This is a tale I call...

Saturday, October 29, 2016

Substantialreads: Doctober

Ten books about Doctors, Drs. and other variants on the spelling. You might expect the results to be tediously repetitive or colourfully diverse, but it's pretty much business as usual. Try as I might to challenge my horizons, I've got pretty good at gaming my own systems by now.

Friday, October 21, 2016

Dangerous subliminal messages in freelanceflaneur.blogspot.com

Today we are looking at dangerous subliminal messages hidden in plain site on `freelanceflaneur.blogspot.com`