On the Omnibuses: February

Charles Dickens, The Complete Novels

Oliver Twist (1838) **

The sarcastic, humanitarian commentary keeps this series of unfortunate exemplars from being truly depressing, but it's mainly interesting as an unreliable docudrama, with handy statistics to share as if they were facts. Even as one of his more reasonably-sized books, with a cast you can keep track of without a flowchart, it can't help itself from getting distracted. Such is the burden of omniscience.

Never making it past my mandatory minimum daily page count in the big book, I fell back on cheating, distracted audiobooks to get through the second half. There's hopefully one in here I'll enjoy.

John Milton, The Poetical Works of John Milton

Paradise Lost, Books I–VI (1667/74) *****

The endless similes are annoying, and if the excessive fawning before Heav'n's awful Monarch isn't satirical after all then it's just distasteful, but this is still the peak of old-school literature. Being one of the few small books among oversized omnibi has made this a convenient and inappropriately epic companion for walking my appropriately blind cat, with wandering attention and slow. This might be a disrespectful chapter in its antiquarian journey, but so was flogging it on eBay for a few quid.

Crockett Johnson, The Adventures of Harold and the Purple Crayon: Four Magical Stories

Harold's Fairy Tale (1956) ***

The original story was the most impressive kidz' klassik I checked out on a baby's behalf before we started reading together. She still couldn't be less interested in Harold's duochromatic dreamscapes, so I got on with the cash-in sequels myself. The fairy tale spin doesn't take this one too off course, but the adorable logic's samey.

Harold's Trip to the Sky (1958) **

Most notable from the fore edge for its dark pages, this star trek feels so uneventful that this is still the most noteworthy thing after reading.

Harold's Circus (1959) ***

Back down to Earth for wholesome family fun with exploited animals and freaks. None of the sequels were really worth reading, as expected, but I will insist on these value multipacks.

Jorge Luis Borges, Collected Fictions

The Universal History of Iniquity (1935) **

These unreliable summary biographies are presumably proving some sort of point, because they're not entertaining yarns in their own right. It picks up at the end, when he starts summarising folk tales instead, but he can hardly get credit for that.

P. G. Wodehouse, The Jeeves Collection: Three Books in One Volume

Carry On, Jeeves (1925) ****

After the desired origin story it's back to more of the same as the previous book (all of the books?). Character growth would kill the serial, Jeeves' increasingly supernatural air is presumably the author exhausting the thesaurus. Eminently readable, but funnier on infrequent visits than when you're into the swing, what? Even without the cash-in cover, there's no unseeing Fry and Laurie, and it's all the better for it.

Alrightreads: Not Local

Colin Nutt, Callum Cochrane and photographers, Picturing Scotland: Edinburgh

2011 / Hardback / 96 pages / UK

***

Lots of nice pictures of familiar places and attractions I never bothered to visit in three years, unfortunately annotated with self-described "fascinating insights" into Scotland's "multi-faceted" capital, with all the "hidden depths," "elegant vistas" and "stark contrasts" that make it "truly a capital city." The sort of generic travel copy I vomit up when I can't be arsed, that was all in the opening paragraph.

Julian Flanders, 1001 Days Out: Your Comprehensive Guide to the Best Attractions in the UK

2010 / Hardback / 384 pages / UK

****

This reliably economical Parragon guide has been road tested at precisely 0.0% of locations so far (as a family unit), but with its regional focus and broad smorgasbord – from overhyped star attractions to quirky dilapidation and plenty of nature – it should get a lot of use as both guide and motivator. If I let the challenge aspect get to me, this could end up having an insane amount of influence on all our lives. Chester Zoo, here we come.

Various, AA Mini Guides: Britain

2009 / Paperback box set / 2,560 pages / UK

****

More virgin travel guides that might take a while to get stuck into, what with them primarily targeting more adventurous grown-ups with their own sets of wheels, but they're bound to be pretty good, right? If I was driving, I wouldn't be able to read the guide, would I? Think it through.

Patricia Schultz, 1,000 Places to See Before You Die: Revised Second Edition

2015 / Paperback / 1,216 pages / USA

***

A practical travel companion rather than a coffee table book to procrastinate with, though the necessarily brief summaries and extravagant business recommendations make its usefulness limited, even if we ever bother to get out of the country again.

Nigel Hicks, This Is the Philippines

1999 / Hardback / 176 pages / UK

**

As expected, and frankly hoped for, a highly selective and irresponsibly rose-tinted presentation of the nation that housed me for the best part of the last decade (the glowing preface is from the Secretary of Tourism, so you know it's reliable), so our daughter can grow up with the romantic ideal of where she comes from without being exposed to the depressing side that was the main reason behind the migration in the first place. Now we're going to watch This Is England for balance.

Alrightgames: Flanx

Flanx (a.k.a. Omiga, One Minute Game)

2017 / Real-time tile placement card game / 2 players / Germany

*

I wasn't looking for this game, but I put a minimum bid down on one of the many unwanted new & sealed Christmas gifts finding their ungrateful way to eBay card game searches and ended up winning for less than it cost them to send it. So I guess we're stuck with it.

If you're stocking up on games with an eye to bonding with your child in the future, it's definitely a good idea to pick one that's stressful and intensely competitive by design. Thanks, Flanx. Thanx.

Alrightgames: Star Wars – Death Star Attack

Star Wars: Death Star Attack

2010 / Trick taking card game / 2 players / UK

Donated

From vintage board and arcade games to total immersion VR, game manufacturers are going to keep milking that one scene forever, aren't they?

This basic number-matching card game is presumably one of the less satisfying interpretations out there, but since I'm keeping it sealed for freshness, I won't know until my daughter's an appropriate age to appreciate the incestuous space saga.

I have a fond memory of that time my Dad pulled out a cheap (free?) Smiths Crisps Back to the Future board game after we watched the film on TV, so I'm looking forward to continuing the tradition of enhancing cinematic experiences with tat. Don't you wish I was your dad?

Alrightgames: Scooby-Doo! – Creepy Card Games

Scooby-Doo!: Creepy Card Games

2007 / Card game / 2 players / UK

**

Donated

Buying a preowned Happy Meal toy is akin to dumpster diving for my daughter's dinner, but this is a nice compact deck that's better than the charmless crap Waddingtons used to churn out for the less enduring franchises of my childhood.

I don't know how much she's going to like Scooby, but this focuses squarely on the classic hippy heroes and costumed villains, so I'm not obliged to sit through any modern muck.

Alrightgames: Accused

Accused (a.k.a. I Commit)

~1950 (2011 reproduction) / Collecting card game / 2+ players / UK

**

Slightly broken themed rummy. There's not much incentive to actually play it, but I enjoy the quaintly racist pulp art.

These nostalgic reproductions of vintage Pepys games go for about £2 in The Works or a bit more on eBay with postage, see if there's a theme that tickles you. If nothing else, the tin makes useful micro storage or a makeshift rattle.

Alrightgames: Splendor

Splendor

2014 / Economic card game / 2-4 players / France

****

There was still space on the games shelf, a need for some diversity among the deckbuilders and a few days of December left before the year/decade of austerity began,* so I traced the dodgy eBay sellers back to their source and picked out a few forgeries of titles I wouldn't have been interested enough to risk being disappointed by at full price, but are jeopardy-free at £3.79 (unless you have any ethics or values or something).

Its bourgeois pseudohistorical theme is unappetising icing on the basic maths, but it beats playing Monopoly again, I suppose. I upgraded the cardboard tokens with a child's coloured plastic gems to add superficial appeal and fool me into wasting time every once in a while.

Update: Finally got around to playing it and enjoyed the same satisfying sense of seeing the strategies unfold as with Backgammon. Next time I might even get all the rules right.

* After a few days off, I continued to buy things in January regardless. Austerity begins in February, definitely. Update: Whoops.

Alrightgames: Ascension Theme Pack – Rat King

Ascension: Theme Pack – Rat King

2010 / Deckbuilding card game booster pack / 2+ players / USA

***

I'm normally repelled by the booster business model that tempts fans to subscribe indefinitely for more of the same game they already have. But this rat bastard (and his loyal horde) was my favourite foe in the digital game, and I estimated my analogue games being about 25% more fun with a Rat Nest side deck when I negotiated an offer for the transatlantic import of what's ultimately a 12-card booster pack, like children buy to get Pokemons, except with just the two repeating cards.

It's crossing a line, but since it was entirely funded by selling spare components from my other discounted sets, I think I got away with it this time. But I'm watching me.

Alrightgames: Star Realms – Colony Wars

Star Realms: Colony Wars

2015 / Deckbuilding card game / 2 players (+) / USA

****

I only realised after buying the base set and this formerly mandatory multiplayer expansion at a discount that I could have voyaged into unexplored Frontiers for the same price, especially since my apparent loyalty to the base set on Steam means that some of these cards still have that unnecessary-sequel vibe about them. But playing through the solo challenges has made me warm to this samey supplement, even over the originals. They're all combined now, anyway.

However deviously contrived, you at least get a complete game for your money, so you could share the commitment with a buddy. If you ever catch me buying a 12-card booster pack for pretty much the same price as I got these, you're authorised to take my child away.

Alrightgames: Star Realms

Star Realms

2014 / Deckbuilding card game / 2 players (+) / USA

*****

Backtracking from the more efficiently convoluted spin-off Cthulhu Realms, my first impressions of the digital deckbuilder when I played it fashionably late in 2017 were disappointment at its comparatively elementary mechanics, bland art and uninspired space scenario. Then I had a go and it turned out to be addictively therapeutic.

I didn't exactly need another formulaic deckbuilder, so held off buying the proper game until the American importer's £10.50 wore me down. I hadn't played it for a couple of years, and seeing those generic spaceships and starbases again, out in the real world, made me feel more warmly nostalgic than I'd expected.

The size of the box it came in was simultaneously disappointing, funny and admirable, and this second edition has solved the issue of awkward health "authority" tracking in a way that's simultaneously efficient and annoyingly fiddly. Of course, in the unlikely event that you find more than one other person who's prepared to play it with you, you'll have to buy more.

My Star Realm:

• Star Realms
• Colony Wars
• Gambit Set
• Crisis: Bases & Battleships
• Crisis: Fleets & Fortresses
• Crisis: Events
• Promo Pack I
• United: Assault
• United: Command
• United: Missions
• Year Two Promo Cards
• Stellar Allies
• Scenarios
• Frontiers
• Frontiers: Kickstarter Promo Pack
• Command Decks
• High Alert: Tech
• Rise of Empire: Backer Promo Pack