Is that all I get, Indonesia?

Earlier this year, I complained that 30 days wasn't enough time to fully experience Thailand. Even by maximising the daylight hours by taking night buses (and sometimes managing to sleep for as much as 45 minutes per night), I still had to renew my visa just to see a few more places before giving in.

Time for another complaint - 30 days to see Indonesia is even crazier. Especially considering this scattered island nation is one of the largest countries in the world and it takes practically all day to get anywhere.

This probably doesn't matter to the 80% of international visitors who never venture beyond Bali (the lazy bastards), but I would have liked to have spent longer In Donesia.

Big momma's temple

After a month in Indonesia, it's easy to succumb to temple fatigue. Especially after seeing the same mass produced ornamentation everywhere, and stores selling these minarets and things looking pre-worn and artificially aged. I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out Bali was constructed from fibreglass in 1992, its entire Hindu heritage a cunning marketing ploy.

But I'm glad I saved the Mother Temple until last. After you see this bad mother, you don't ever need to see another temple again. Except maybe that scary one from Indiana Jones with the cool mine cart ride. That would be ace.

Ubud-der believe it

If you can drag yourself away from the monkeys in Ubud, there's plenty more to see around the unspoilt capital of Bali.

That's 'unspoilt' meaning no big shopping malls or KFCs - you can still rely on hawkers trying to force the same five pieces of tourist tat down your throat every time you come across something worth photographing, ensuring you have all you'll ever need to commemorate a right ripping-off time on the Island of the Gods. You can never have too many shit 'Jiggy-Jig' T-shirts.

Twelve monkeys

I haven't finished seeing the sights of Bali yet, but if anything beats the Sacred Monkey Forest in Ubud, I'll eat my sarong.

This place is right up my street. Literally (I'm staying on Monkey Forest Road). I haven't had such convenient macaque access (macaqcess?) since Taiwan, and as that means I'm obviously going to come here every day, this blog could easily turn into an endless gallery of hilarious monkey photos.

But you deserve to see more 'interesting' things than that (i.e. less interesting things), like temples and rice fields, so I'll simply present the top 12 monkeys.

Disclaimer: I am aware that some of these photos contain more than one monkey; that crab-eating macaques aren't technically monkeys; and that I've cheated by including monkey photos in other sections. Are you looking for a fight?

Bedugul? No, the gull and I are just good friends

There's more to enjoy in Bedugul than just low temperatures and pushy strawberry merchants. Look, there are also temples and things.

Freezing my Balis off

When I first travelled south of the equator, I optimistically wrote about looking forward to cooler temperatures - but didn't realise how soon my dream would come true.

Heading up volcanoes in Java before sunrise was an opportunity for frosty titillation, sure, but things sadly got a lot more temperate when the sun put his hat on and came out to play (the sun has to gets his hats specially made, what with them being 870,000 miles in diameter and composed of a magical fabric that doesn't burn at 5,505 °C).

Now I'm back in Bali, an island not exactly renowned for its arctic temperatures. But like the non-conformist hermit that I strive to be, I eschewed the beaches and bikinis of the coast for the nippy highlands of Bedugul. It felt like coming home, if I'd ever lived anywhere so scenic.

Paradise regain'd

I woke up on Day 4 in Bali feeling positive, refreshed and ready to appreciate this place properly.

The stress of the first few days had made me slightly regret choosing a middle-of-nowhere retreat away from the tourist traps of Kuta and all its resident Australian surfer Michelangelos (referring to the annoying Ninja Turtle, not the Renaissance master). But now I knew I'd made the right decision - and was able to start appreciating the landscape, temples and paddy fields of West Bali that I'd previously been too preoccupied to even notice.

These aren't major tourist sights or anything - I'll deal with those when I come back in a few weeks. This place is Nowheresville, and that's why I like it.

Paradise effing lost

It took until Day Four in Bali for me to begin to appreciate this tropical 'paradise.' Prior to this, you could say there were some 'hiccups' that prevented me from enjoying the experience fully. Though perhaps projectile vomiting occurring simultaneously with explosive diarrhoea would be a more fitting analogy (luckily this is only an analogy, and my kecks remain unsoiled).

If you're a fan of British consumer outrage, feel free to read more and learn all about the series of unfortunate events (only some of which were almost definitely completely my fault) that served to sour my first few days in Indonesia.

If you prefer your blogs happy and optimistic, take a look at the nice volcano picture and then sod off. You don't belong here!