Alrightreads: Art Books II

Michael Kerrigan and artists, Asian Art

2005 / Paperback / 384 pages / Various

**

The first quarter's good, before scenic paintings make way for boring crockery and trinkets. If I'd wanted a book of landscape scrolls, I probably should have been more specific than an overview of the entire artistic output of the world's largest continent.

Tamsin Pickeral and artists, Turner, Whistler, Monet

2005 / Paperback / 384 pages / UK/USA/France

****

An insightful and inspirational tour with a trinity I hadn't thought to group, travelling the impressionistic purgatory between serene romanticism and grim modernism with ace light effects.

Tamsin Pickeral and Vincent van Gogh, Van Gogh

2007 / Paperback / 384 pages / UK/Netherlands

***

Impressive multi-angle obsessing, even if I would've preferred another contrived comparison of similar artists to explore the connections and vex the snobs.

Joseph-Emile Muller and Hieronymus Bosch, Bosch

1976 / Hardback / 116 pages / Luxembourg/Netherlands

***

A brief biography and insubstantial analysis to read once, before most of the book is rightly given over to repetitive, mad dioramas. Turns out I don't like Bosch as much as I used to, but I still want that jigsaw.

Wiesław Banach and Zdzisław Beksiński, Beksiński. Malarstwo/Painting

2014 / Hardback / 64 pages / Poland

****

I'd lusted after a Beksiński book since he became my favourite weird/dark artist as a teen. I could have treated myself to more than a basic, budget release, but there's still plenty of good stuff here, in miniature.

Alrightreads: Are You Local?

Carole Sexton, Tales of Old Cheshire

1995 / Paperback / 96 pages / UK

**

We're not the most famous county down/up here (you don't even know where it is, do you?), so these local histories and fables aren't the most original or compelling. It's all about the novelty of seeing those familiar place names legitimised in (cheap) print. Reusing the same cover art across counties is especially cheap. They probably assumed that local loyalty meant it wouldn't ever come up, but I saw it.

Julia Skinner, Cheshire: A Miscellany

2012 / Hardback / 64 pages / UK

***

A brief data burst of local knowledge for visitors, newcomers or people who grew up in the county but spent most of that time playing on the Amiga. They might be making some of it up for a laugh, I can't tell, me yed's all of a missock.

Paul Hurley, Nantwich History Tour

2017 / Paperback / 96 pages / UK

***

A roughly linear walk from Acton through the town centre to just past my house, this isn't necessary trivia, but it's satisfying to put names and stories to what would otherwise have been background architecture so I can feel more connected to my new home from the onset, and I'll get to appear casually omniscient when I hand the knowledge down.

Nick Lambert, Cheshire Walks with Children : Circular Walks for Parents and Children

1996 / Paperback / 190 pages / UK

****

A quarter-century's vintage will no doubt lead to some confusion when we get out and about, but these places probably don't change all that much. Though if I do get us lost and they have to send out the helicopters, this will be why. He includes routes for buggies, so there's no excuse to dawdle.

John McIlwain, Chester City Break: More Than a Guide

2009 / Paperback / 104 pages / UK

****

I'm not sure how this transcends the horizons of a guide, unless it's by comparison to the 12-page Pitkin guide you'd get for the same price, but there's enough timeless information outside of the inevitably hopelessly obsolete business directory to make this indispensable on our first family outing to the nearest city worth visiting. When we're actually allowed.

Alrightgames: Ascension – Immortal Heroes

Ascension: Immortal Heroes

2012 / Deckbuilding card game expansion / 1-2 players (+) / USA

***

I wouldn't have bought this expansion if it hadn't been on oddly-specific sale. Luckily, the main set it pairs with was also going comparatively cheap second-hand, so I didn't have to see how awkwardly this blended with my Apprentice starter pack after all.

Since I'd always play these Year Two sets together on the app, there's a lot of comforting familiarity here, and I would've had a nagging sense of something missing without it (the twinge that remains is presumably the associated, overpowered promos). But with all those ubiquitous base cards 'helpfully' making it playable out of the box, and an extraordinary amount of cards dedicated solely to triggering another type of card, 50% off feels entirely appropriate.

Alrightgames: Ascension – Storm of Souls

Ascension: Storm of Souls

2011 / Deckbuilding card game / 1-4 players (+) / USA

*****

I hadn't expected to invest in a proper Ascension set so soon when I bought a cheapo starter off Amazon, but then I reunited with eBay. I don't have the budget or the shelf space to buy too many big box games, but if I don't take the chance to fill those gaps when something worthy comes along, it's only going to end up getting claimed by bloody Monopoly again, God help us.

One nice thing about this game is that each release cycle is fairly self-contained, and mixing multiple sets together mainly serves to muddy things, so you're not compelled to subscribe to increasingly desperate supplements, unless you get bored. For its aesthetics and mechanics, this was my preferred iteration of the digital deckbuilder, so when I saw the big box and its expansion going comparatively cheap*, I indulged myself. (The baby got a play kitchen, she's doing fine).

Two players would take a good while to cycle through this combined deck, and even longer when you're playing the ad-libbed solitaire rules for lonely people that makes a fairer fight than the AI ever was. If I do ever get bored of it, I can swap it out for another Ascension set to be sated by the slightly different features. Owning multiple sets would show a disappointing lack of imagination.

* A £20 limit has kept the likes of Dominion tantalisingly out of my clutches so far.

Alrightgames: Cluedo

Cluedo

1949 (1995 edition) / Mystery board game / 3-6 players / USA

****

My childhood happened to happen at the tail end of the original(ish) version of Cluedo before the major 1996 update, so naturally I have to resort to eBay to avoid any of that modern muck ('Dr Orchid?' Fuck off!)

I'm aware that this pointless punctiliousness will only make it harder for my daughter to track down her own set of acceptable nostalgic vintage if she has children. I wonder how far I can pass these neuroses down.

While playing against a computer streamlined Scrabble and made Monopoly actually bearable, I never got to grips with virtual Cluedo, which was either doing some alien American rules or maybe the proper rules as opposed to whatever I grew up with. Now that I've adopted some other family's heirloom, we'll play it how we bloody want.

Alrightgames: The Smith-Waite Centennial Tarot Deck

The Smith-Waite Centennial Tarot Deck

1909 (modern reprint) / Divination card game / 2+ players / UK

***

When I was stocking up on the classics, I kept the Chinese printers busy by purchasing a seemingly out-of-character deck of fortune-telling cards for secular enjoyment. I may have to attempt to justify it as some preemptive Roman numeral education for our daughter, but really, I just like the archaic, arcane, slightly creepy art. You could play a very slow game of cards with them too, provided you had good eyesight.

Unusually, the sealed pack I received was all jumbled out of order rather than factory-sorted in sequence, so I had to organise them to check they were all... oh hang on, I've just worked out what was going on there. I hope my uselessly vague forecast was bright. "Don't shop on eBay at 3am, go to bed." Sage advice like that.

Alrightgames: "Waddingtons Number 1 Playing Cards"

"Waddingtons Number 1 Playing Cards"

2020 fakes / Card games, magic, etc. / 1+ players / China

****

Unlike more credulous customers, I didn't have my hopes raised for authentic quality when I supported counterfeiting to get a good deal on reasonable packs of playing cards. These contain all the cards you need to play rummy and probably a few other games too. These were played more in one day than all the more elaborate card games combined to date.

Alrightgames: Uno

Uno

1971 (modern edition) / Family card game / 2-10 players / USA

*

This canonical staple didn't happen to be in our roster when I was growing up, but I don't feel I missed out. We've only got it now because they were going for £1.99 and I thought it might be a more engaging way to teach colours and numbers to a toddler than pointing at books.

Unfortunately, the plain cards turned out to be too boring for that, and obviously too boring to consider actually playing, so their main roles are to be improv bookmarks and occassionally-glimpsed debris until we have a big clear-out in ten years.

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Various, The Puffin Baby and Toddler Treasury

2000 / Hardback / 128 pages / UK 

****

I could have saved time and shelf space if I'd found this quality assortment before buying nursery rhymes, fairy tales and picture books separately, but she's already so attached to her versions that most of this is redundant now. Interspersing short rhymes between classic tales, licensed characters and even the blooming Snowman, it's like a great Pre-CBeebies line-up.

Johnny Morris, The Animal Roundabout

1993 / Hardback / 16 pages / UK

**

I thought a wheel book would be an appealing new genre, but she's not really fussed about that feature, with its slavish commitment to four life stages that doesn't even apply to most of them. So for now, just another book to make animal noises to, but with real pics this time.

Heather Amery, Nicole Irving and Stephen Cartwright, The Usborne Internet-Linked First Thousand Words in French

2002 / Paperback / 64 pages / UK

****

Pretentious, ma fille? Rather than trying to give her an aggressive headstart on a third language, this was just what I settled for when they didn't have the English version in stock, since the writing makes no difference when you can't read yet. And if she ever does end up learning French, it could help there too.

Various, The Walker Book of Bear Stories

1995 collection / Hardback / 90 pages / Various

***

You can imagine how self-satisfied I felt when I spotted that this collection included We're Going on a Bear Hunt and loads of other stuff for the same price you'd pay for that picture book alone. Suckers! Sure, your child might actually enjoy having the story read to them when it isn't squashed into unappealing panels that I initially mistook for a continuation of the contents page, but you can't argue with the value. Now shut up and eat your supermarket own-brand multipack crisps.

Emily Bolam, Crazy Farm: Mix and Match

2012 / Board book / 14 pages / UK

**

We've overdone the animal noises by this point, but at least that's her Mastermind specialist subject sorted. This was an unadvertised bonus bilingual Welsh edition (I think that's the one where 'y' is a standalone word), so that should come in thematically-limited use if we cross the border.

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Unknown, Ladybird

2014 / Board book / 10 pages / UK

**

A sort of insectoid version of the Tom Fun sketches from Reeves and Mortimer. There's not much going on behind the googly eyes, but she likes to carry this one around.

Roger Priddy, Baby's Treasure Hunt

2012 / Board book / 16 pages / UK

***

Baby's Sight Test is more rewarding for the proud observer than the participant, but she seemed pleased with herself. Like Where's Wally, it only has a limited lifespan before they've committed the solutions to memory, but you can improvise.

Rod Campbell, Lift-the-Flap Nursery Book

2011 / Paperback / 32 pages / UK

***

Rod Campbell's flap-based business model is still going strong in its fourth decade, this time adding unnecessary flaps to nursery rhymes and skill-free puzzles. They're always a reliable uninspired purchase at least, even if my daughter only seems to want 'Baa Baa Black Sheep (Flaps Mix)' again and again.

Lucy Cousins, What Can Rabbit Hear?

1991 / Paperback / 16 pages / UK

**

I guess none of them are going to live up to her fish book (I've already been reliably cautioned that Maisy is "gash"). This is a pointless addition to the lift-the-flap canon, even directly copying some pages from Rod Campbell, but with more conservative hinging.

 

Roger Hargreaves, Mr. Men Super Library

2014 / Board books / 48 pages / UK

***

I hadn't paid attention to the page count. The original stories weren't that substantial in the first place, but these board pamphlets ditch the plot for reworked summary introductions. Making the back of the books into a jigsaw just about redeems it.

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Rod Campbell, Oh Dear!: A Lift-the-Flap Book

1984 / Board book / 18 pages / UK

****

More fun with flaps on the farm, with wildlife that's probably as exotic as Dear Zoo's for city kids, but will become increasingly relatable to our little one now that we're raising her as a country bumpkin.

Lucy Cousins, Peck Peck Peck

2013 / Board book / 32 pages / UK

**

The fish book ("feh" as it's known around here) was a grower, but this one hasn't caught on. She's a big fan of birds ("doo-doo"), but maybe it's too wordy, or maybe she's disappointed by the unoriginality of reusing Eric Carle's hole-punching idea from 50 years earlier. That's probably it.

Jill Murphy, Peace at Last

1980 / Hardback / 26 pages / UK

****

A classic picture book that's just as entertaining when you arrive on the other side and can empathise with the poor sod, it's a shame my daughter's stuck with an absurdly miniature version because the bookseller didn't specify which 'hardback' edition they were selling mysteriously (it turns out, explicably) cheap.

Anna Milbourne, John Butler and Brian Voakes, Baby Animals Jigsaw Book

2003 / Board book / 10 pages / UK

***

I'd been wondering how these worked: extra thick pages. After reading descriptions of different Usborne jigsaw books having puzzles with a whopping two pieces, I figured this would be the same, only to be presented with a slightly more complex puzzle with unreliable guide art that even took me a while. And second-hand, so an inevitable missing piece.

 

Roger Priddy, I Love Kittens

2010 / Board book / 10 pages / UK

**

Exploding the sensory boundaries of literature with our first textured book, it runs out of ideas surprisingly quickly, considering they only had to come up with four. I wouldn't have gone with milk, personally. She likes displaying it around the place like it's a birthday card.

More Babyliography

Jo Joof, A Baby's First Word Book of Numbers

2006 / Board book / 18 pages / UK

*

Copy-pasting the same image with a minor modification ten times and using Comic Sans makes for the laziest excuse for a book I've ever read. One of eBay's used booksellers sent this by mistake and refunded our missing item without wanting this back – that's how empirically worthless it is. It turns out the baby quite likes it though. I suppose it's not really aimed at me.

  

Various, illustrated by Gaby Hanson, More Favourite Nursery Rhymes

2010 / Board book / 18 pages / UK

***

A noticeably darker sequel, with child abuse and ambiguous infanticide from the onset, this is the sort of thing most people would select at random in the pound shop, but I'd been after it for a while to help maintain the symmetry of my daughter's bookshelf and give her a headstart on the OCD.

Heather Amery and Stephen Cartwright, The Usborne Book of Fairy Tales

2004 / Hardback / 96 pages / UK

****

This seemed like a responsible edition of this mandatory library addition to get, satisfyingly unsanitised (within reason) and with dual narrative streams hopefully helping her along with she learns to read in a few years. As of now, it couldn't be of less interest.

Eric Carle, The Very Hungry Caterpillar

1969 / Hardback book + soft toy gift set / 22 pages / USA

*****

She likes to get interactive with the accompanying toy, but I don't think she fully appreciates this one yet. That's fair, I didn't recognise its concise genius myself until that time I wrote a three-page review of it to procrastinate A-level revision.

"Eric Carle," The Very Hungry Caterpillar: Little Learning Library

2009 / Board books / 48 pages / USA

***

There's no shortage of sets like these out there, and this isn't the only one leeching off a well-loved brand, but I thought it might make a nice supplement to the classic original and get some vocabulary down her, which turned out to work a treat.

Babyliography

Unknown, My First Learning Book: 123 / abc / Shapes / Colours

2019 / Cloth books / 48 pages / France/China

****

I was planning to get her a Ladybird boxset at some point (I only had their Colours book back in the '80s, so I'm still not sure what a square is), but these rip-offs were better for an early start, since they're made from chewable, washable cloth. Considering the general originality on display here, I'll assume LakaRose didn't invent the medium, but I don't need to get too cynical, since they do the job and I appreciated the angloform spelling. If this is too innocent and wholesome for you, you can speculate about the stupid reasons why the pig from earlier editions was replaced with a pink cat.

 

Various, illustrated by Gaby Hanson, My Favourite Nursery Rhymes

Collected 2006 / Physical book / 18 pages / UK

***

The cheapest one on the shopping app with the nicest art, finding out it was a sturdy board book when it arrived was a bonus. Though a bit annoying that they rounded the page corners but didn't do the same to the sharp covers. And including deep cuts like 'Little Betty Blue' and 'I Love Little Pussy' stretches the definition of 'favourite' like a premature greatest hits album, it's not as if they'd run out.

 

Helen Nicoll and Jan Pieńkowski, Meg and Mog Treasury

Collected 2001 / Hardback / 192 pages / UK

***

Six books in one robust binding seemed like good value at the time, until I saw my toddler struggling to lug this around the kitchen, and before all the unfamiliar sequels to the decent original turned out to be a load of random, wacky shit with barely any relation to the Halloween theme of the pilot. Just space out and enjoy those saturated colours.

Rod Campbell, Dear Zoo: A Lift-the-Flap Book

1982 / Board book / 18 pages / UK

****

He didn't invent flap technology, but he obviously hit on a winner. This was the first time my daughter wanted a book on a perpetual loop, right from the first go, and this became more bearable when my mind wandered and I considered what was really going on, and how the zoo owners are clearly taking the piss out of this ungrateful brat before getting fed up and trying to help nature take its course.

Lucy Cousins, Hooray for Fish!

2005 / Paperback / 32 pages / UK

***

A bit extroverted for me (leave 'grumpy' fish alone, you have no idea what's going on in his life), but my daughter got increasingly into it with each telling, and its calculated ending seems to work. Though they missed the trick of making a Dad variant and making parents buy both.

On the Omnibuses: December

One of the advantages of starting a library in my 30s almost from scratch is being free to choose economical editions without sentimental attachments holding me back or (too much) stress over clashing classics.

Conflicting impulses of completism and regressive minimalism have seen me fixating on the shelf-saving, unwieldy, often almost unreadable omnibus format, packing the most author(s) into the least binding I can. Which turns out to be more than I'd thought possible or reasonable.

Library 2.0