Sunday, February 10, 2013

Literally the Newcastle of the south

For a different perspective on these events (usually about two metres behind and to the left or right), see Oliver's exclusive behind-the-scenes report.

I can't tell you how Newcastle, New South Wales compares to its near-antipodean namesake because I never actually visited Newcastle upon Tyne. I never lived in North East England and never had any special reason to go there, so I felt no pressing need to make the 104-mile trip from Edinburgh or 185-mile trip from Crewe.

I never visited Newcastle under Lyme either, which was actually quite close to where I grew up. Assuming it to be just another boring market town like everything else around those parts, I never made the 14-mile trip from Crewe.

Come to think of it, I don't think I ever visited Old South Wales either.

However, I can confirm that the Newcastle of Australia is quite nice for a day out - just 10,462 miles from Crewe as the immortal crow that doesn't need to eat or rest flies.

(the Australian one)

There's nothing remotely amusing about the design of Queen's Wharf Tower.
So stop sniggering at the back, Timkins

Or Nobby's Head for that matter.
Last warning, Timkins!

Vast Lake Macquarie. That's a relief, I thought it was going to be another smutty name,
but it's no Lake Titiwangsa

More crumbling WWII fortifications at Shepherds Hill. I guess these were a little far from Sydney for the Farscape production crew to make use of for their lazy alien worlds

There may have been other reasons they didn't use them

Blackbutt Reserve

A childish day out again again again again again again again again again again again again.
This indigenous wildlife sanctuary gets away with its racist name by offering free entry

I guess that also excuses all the non-active marsupials being boring in the summer heat. Still, at least I've seen kangaroos, koalas and wallabies in their native Australia now.

It may be exactly the same as seeing them in a zoo in any other country, but it counts

At least the emus were awake and funny

I'm a big fan of interracial relationships, but what this duck and turkey get up to is against nature

Creepy owl

Eclectus parrot. That's right, someone started taking note of the informative wall charts at this point before immediately giving up

More technicolor interspecies love

Why's this peacock wasting time in the shade when there's all these loose, open-minded birds around? He could get all the cloaca he wants

Slightly unpleasant toad/frog. I don't know do I? But call an ape a monkey in my presence and watch the indignant rage bubble, you uneducated fool

This is as close as I got to a koala (not close at all), missing the last opportunity for a vain photo opportunity by a few minutes. Still, tick.

This post is sentimentally dedicated to
Shana & Oliver
for making my dreams come true
(not the one about the tiny Darth Vader)


  1. When I die I want this on my gravestone.

  2. Wish I could have been there. Would have had to make a fake beard or something though.

  3. Some inspiration for you, blog.

  4. You really didn't miss much by avoiding UK Newcastle. I took the train there with a boy I fancied just over two years ago because someone told me it's a great place for a city break. It's not. It's shit. I texted all my Geordie friends and their recommendations were rubbish. There's no good restaurants, no good museums, all there is to do is get hammered and have sex. I'm still going out with the boy today though so I suppose that tactic must have worked. :-/ But seriously. It's shit.

    Sidenote: OMG you can comment with your Livejournal account? Did anyone else used to have one of those?

    1. I associate Livejournal with is an ex girlfriend, who I checked up on last year and is still using the account to write exactly the same 'I fancy this rock star but he doesn't know I exist' / 'My parents don't understand me' stuff at 26 years old. It's a credit to consistency at least. Still, 26...

  5. I deleted my Livejournal because it was so ridiculously humiliating. I kind of regret it now because I really want to joint ONTD_Creepy but you need to have an old, active account to do so. Dammit, Jemma!