As a young Trekkie sitting patiently through these early repeats before the BBC finally got to the good stuff, I was firmly in the camp that Riker's beard alone is not a reliable gauge of story quality. But nostalgia and curiosity eventually won out, and I returned for more punishment... and was pleasantly surprised.
Season two is still a bit stilted, dingy and sometimes embarrassing, but unlike the first, there's more good stuff than bad. I'd probably take these tentative voyages through a distinctly creepy cosmos over the worn-out final season too.
Key:
Klingon episode
Ferengi episode
Romulan episode
Borg / Q episode
Ferengi episode
Romulan episode
Borg / Q episode
A clip show is almost doomed by design in this sort of judgement, but up against some real stinkers from the year, they didn't have to try too hard to make it at least watchable. Unfortunately, the bare minimum effort is insultingly shit.
Lwaxana Troi at her predatory worst, an unnecessary Dixon Hill retread and Doctor Who-quality aliens are the bad ingredients for an episode where characters spend half the time waiting around or being bored. The season running a few episodes short may have been a blessing.
A topping of 80s cheese sometimes makes the bad episodes watchable, but then they overdo it and it just stinks. If TV Han Solo sexing up half the ship and Space Dynasty aren't bad enough, this is also the one where Data does stand-up, setting the low bar for filler B-stories until Voyager came along. Outrageous indeed.
Wesley gets a crush, just when he was on the mend, and there's a parade of unconvincing creature suits. It's some light relief after heavier instalments, but who is it aimed at? I thought it was just as crap when I was in primary school.
18. Pen Pals (2x15)
I appreciated them taking the time to address the significant cast and role changes at the start of the year, but Pulaski's dismissal of Data damages her reputation from the off, however much her competence impresses elsewhere. It's not a great start generally, with a main plot that doesn't make any effort to hide its throwback origins and only briefly ties in with the forgettable B-jeopardy.
The psychic chorus is an interesting concept in an otherwise boring episode, gratuitous disintegrations aside. The disability representation is commendable, but turns out a bit Sesame Street, while Troi getting pimped out to the ambassador is like something from Mad Men.
Riker and his dad's stunt doubles play Gladiators while Worf gets poked with hot sticks. They didn't have the hang of character-focused episodes yet and it's hard to care when they're disposable filler by design.
A dying arsehole not so subtly possesses Data so Brent Spiner can emote more than he does already at this point. My expectations were so low that an episode turning out completely average was a pleasant surprise. The late doctor arrogantly eulogising himself was like something from Red Dwarf.
The crew have a few days' downtime, so reliably find ways to get into trouble and accidentally develop a new life form in the process. Some of the plot is distractingly nonsensical, but it explores some worthy ideas around biochauvinism and starts to develop Data and Pulaski's relationship. The resolution is disappointing, but they'd make up for that in time.
There's quite an X-Files vibe with the weird genetic anomalies and Picard and Pulaski butting heads over the scientific method. Something other than clichéd rapid ageing could have made it more distinctive, but there are some nice model shots too.
Picard and Wesley's awkward two-hander is some of the best early character work, unfortunately spoiled by some distracting oversights and bad continuity. The dramatic A-story turns out to be more tedious, but effectively demonstrates why Riker isn't ready to be in charge.
10. Up the Long Ladder (2x18)
The darker and less fun counterpart to 'Cause and Effect,' the mystery is intriguing at first, and we see a new side to Picard when his confidence is shaken, but almost 30 years later, I still don't really understand what's going on.
The Klingon soap begins in earnest and they draft in some time-displaced warriors of the Empire since they made the modern ones too boring. Worf's come far this year, as they ditch much of his early characterisation, and K'Ehylr's such a compelling guest character that they made her a regular on Voyager.
"What sort of 'bidness' do you suppose he is getting down to?"
A fun throwback landing somewhere between an original series parallel planet development caper and The Twilight Zone. There's also another cool skeleton to add to the pile in what may be the most morbid season.
Have you tried turning it off and on again? A tense space fantasy romp from a bygone age when they couldn't just use terms like 'computer virus' and 'system restore.' It may not be 'The Measure of a Man,' but it's got explosions, ancient aliens, magic portals and Geordi getting beaten up by a turbolift, so it was always a standout to me.
"One Riker! One bridge!"
There's much to nitpick, but this creative bottle episode is still one of the most effectively weird and creepy stories of the whole run. And when it's bad, that's funny too. Worf's berserk characterisation adds some nice internal tension and Wesley gets really lucky with his work shifts.
A much more successful reintroduction to the Klingons than the first season's effort, and after watching the dynastic space opera play out over the following years, this more intimate cultural exchange seen through Riker's open eyes is my favourite take on the pasty heads (from this show, at least). They're weird and alien, but you can get to know them.
The threat of the Borg prompts a memorable wargame simulation. Riker regains credibility as Picard humbly blunders, Data accepts his infallibility, and even the Ferengi are well utilised. Skip season two at your peril. Oh, man, I can't wait to see what they've got lined up for the finale!!!
I get it more now. A fantastic episode not only for its android subject, but also for Picard and Riker, as white humans debate another being's rights before a black character points out the ramifications. The point about humans being biological machines has always stayed with me, and the questions about artificial life will become ever more relevant, so I can even look past some horrendously out of scale model shots.
They may be an especially kid-baiting villain and overused in the long run, but these initial Borg outings still hold up as some of the best episodes of the series, and the threat and hopelessness are especially palpable in this one. It's so memorable as their introduction, it's easy to forget that the story's mainly about Q being really needy. What does the title even mean?
