The Hwaseong remains the same

I was a little stingy in Japan when it came to paying entry fees for palaces, museums and things, and when there was usually a slightly inferior alternative nearby that didn't cost me anything. But after walking the perimeter of this old Korean city, I was interested to see Hwaseong Palace itself, which was also refreshingly cheap. Why am I only staying in this country for three weeks? I could easily spend a year here. Maybe I will. With my diet and general health, I should have at least seven more years left in me.

They also put on free shows every day of the week for anyone who wants to watch spinning women, martial arts, precariously balancing kids and other activities Koreans get up to when they're not playing Starcraft. If these guys toured the UK, they'd make a killing on the bland audition TV show circuit. But they're not, they're here with me and you don't get to have them until you learn more about this country and stop thinking of Asia as just 'India and those Chinesey ones.'

I'm partly talking to the me of a couple of years back, when I was unwisely trusted to write whole websites about countries in all parts of the world despite never having ventured further than Spain, which I was too young to remember. I'd be too ashamed to read whatever uninformed crap I wrote about the countries I've visited since.

The York of South Korea

Maybe if I wasn't so averse to looking at travel guides now and then, I wouldn't have missed out on Suwon last time I was in Korea. I somehow got the idea it was full of bored, racist English teachers, but this nicely sized city just an hour from Seoul turns out to have more going on than some places I took a long haul bus ride for. I'm looking at you, Jeonju.

But these are the reasons I came back to Korea - for the unfinished business of scrambling over broken walls, taking boring photos of reconstructed gates and dressing up like an idiot. There wasn't enough space to write all that in the 'Purpose of visit?' section of the immigration form, so I just went for 'tourism.'

The tale of Mr Toilet

심재둑 was born in a toilet.

The other children used to tease 재둑, calling him 'Mr Toilet' and worse names that are much too rude to write down in a children's book.

'From toilet originated; you be faeces!' one cried.

'Will show them!' sobbed Mr Toilet. 'I am becoming Suwon mayor and be construction house in shape as toilet. At I am died, Mr Toilet Museum is be special legacy.'

So Mr Toilet did become mayor, and he did build a house, and it was the most toilet-shaped house in the whole world! (Until Dubai decides to build one, like they ruin everything).

And when Mr Toilet died in 2009, his house was converted into a museum where it stands to this very day.

Mr Toilet's body was not flushed down the toilet. That would be inappropriate, have some bloody respect.