Ranking The Comic Strip Presents...

Despite its opulence of legendary comic talent and convenient format for dipping, I've seen surprisingly little of this long-running anthology. Probably because I knew that if I waded too far, I'd have to end up doing this.

Let's get it over with then. Bloody entertainment. Here are my The Top 45 Comic Strip Films.

Alrightreads: Dick Wad

PKD books written in 1958-63, not already covered in themed albums.

Philip K. Dick, Time Out of Joint

1959 / Audiobook / 221 pages / USA

****

Most of PKD's novels are too chaotic in their stream-of-consciousness padding to deploy premeditated twist endings, but this prescient Mandela Effect novelisation is a notably coherent exception. Seeming like a low-budget Eye in the Sky most of the way through, the reveal cements it as an early classic.

Philip K. Dick, The Man in the High Castle

1962 / Audiobook / 240 pages / USA

***

These multiple choice alternative histories are more credible and intricate than your average PKDystopia, and I was more interested in the setting than the political plot. Not sure why the occupying Japanese get the 'Jap' moniker while their Nazi buddies are more respectfully referred to as 'Germans' though.

Philip K. Dick, Dr. Bloodmoney, or How We Got Along After the Bomb

1965 / Audiobook / 222 pages / USA

***

This post-nuclear soap opera featuring talking animals and psychic cyborg thalidomides is more Thundarr than Threads, but feels more Twin Peaks than anything. As well as much like Dick's own Deus Irae, which I would have recognised as a knock-off if I'd been reading these the right way around.

Philip K. Dick, The Simulacra

1964 / Audiobook / 192 pages / USA

**

One of the more outwardly satirical entries in the canon with its literal puppet presidents, though the fascist dystopia is too grim to permit chuckles. Because it was a short story stretched out to novel length, he throws in customary sci-fi digressions like telekenesis and time travel, with some extraterrestrial non sequiturs for good measure.

Philip K. Dick, The Crack in Space (a.k.a. Cantata-140)

1964 / Audiobook / 190 pages / USA

****

Not one I've seen mentioned among the canonical favourites, I found it a more satisfying and sustained work than some of the more freeform novels Dick brainstormed out to the word count in the rest of the decade. The colonial and racist themes barely count as allegories, since they're explicitly called out, but they're more successful here than in his clumsier later attempts to cover similar ground. The imaginative solutions to the population crisis would have made a decent short story, but it's the twist involving a megalomaniacal space pimp that makes it one of the better novels.

Alrightreads: Mars

Get your ass to Mars.


Ray Bradbury, The Martian Chronicles (a.k.a The Silver Locusts)

1946-50 (collected 1950) / Audiobook / 222 pages / USA

***

As contrived fix-up novels go, this collection succeeds in fooling the reader into thinking they're reading an epic future history saga, rather than a collection of thematically similar and accidentally coherent short stories cobbled together. I admire it for that. Its over-familiar plots didn't really do it for me though.

Isaac Asimov, The Martian Way and Other Stories

1952-54 (collected 1955)  / Audiobook/ebook / 222 pages / USA

***

I've avoided Asimov before now, unfairly assuming that the 'botz master might be too technically-minded for me. This minor collection only gets autistic in its final story, the others exploring human concerns and hang-ups in that classic extrapolative sci-fi way, with a twist ending that would make The Twilight Zone proud, not that it could possibly work on TV.

Faves: 'The Martian Way,' 'Youth.'

Worsties: 'The Deep,' 'Sucker Bait.'


Philip K. Dick, Martian Time-Slip (a.k.a. All We Marsmen)

1963 (collected 1964) / Audiobook / 220 pages / USA

****

A more cynical take on Bradbury's colonial Mars, with the focus narrowed to corrupt and paranoid bit players since this is Philip K. Dick. The outdated psychology is more distracting than the tech, but you can get over that initial awkwardness in time to enjoy things getting weird.

Glenville Mareth, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

1966 / Ecomic/audiobook / 34 pages / USA

*

Read-along Christmas stories were one of my favourite parts of the festive season as a child. I also liked science fiction and comics. So there's a slim chance I might actually have enjoyed this, though even if I didn't, I would have contentedly gone through the ritual repeatedly regardless. I haven't watched the legendarily crap film, but the story isn't any worse than your standard contrived festive comic tie-in, which is to say abominable. The lavish full-cast audio production is better than it deserves.

Len Brown, Zina Saunders and artists, Mars Attacks: 50th Anniversary Collection

1962-2012 (collected 2012) / Ebook / 224 pages / USA

****

Save yourself the trouble and significant expense of collecting the rare vintage trading cards by picking up this Panini-style album that's already filled in for you. Covering the original 55-card saga in all its controversial and excessive violence, along with concept art and various minor resurgences across the decades, this is a commendably detailed and comprehensive retrospective. Probably more than it deserves, to be honest, but it's nice that people care.

Alrightreads: Earth

Somewhat harmless.


Jack Vance, The Dying Earth

1950 / Audiobook / 175 pages / USA

***

Vance wasn't the first writer to take us to the waning Earth, but since he was apparently the first to import generic fantasy themes in that setting, he gets the respect of a pioneer. Since I don't read much fantasy, I found it good pulpy fun for the most part, but it was only the very rare occasions when they came across some dilapidated futuristic technology or mentioned the red sun that I remembered to be impressed. I felt similar about The Book of the New Sun, which might as well be a shared universe.

Robert A. Heinlein, The Green Hills of Earth

1951 / Audiobook / 270 pages / USA

****

I haven't read much of Heinlein's main sequence, preferring his quirkier outlands, but these assorted tales from the colonial neighbourhood make a good primer for the novels, probably.

Faves: 'The Black Pits of Luna,' '"It's Great to Be Back!",' 'Logic of Empire.'

Worsties: 'Delilah and the Space-Rigger,' 'Space Jockey,' 'The Long Watch.'

Carl Sagan, F. D. Drake, Jon Lomberg and Linda Salzman Sagan, Ann Druyan and Timothy Ferris, Murmurs of Earth: The Voyager Interstellar Record

1978 / Ebook / 273 pages / USA

****

Inspiring and mostly interesting accounts from the astrophysicists, artists and historians who put a great deal of thought into creating the ultimate time capsule of Planet Earth. Alien interception may be astronomically improbable, but the grand display of optimism and unity didn't hurt a bit, with a hilarious bureaucratic sub-plot where aliens aren't allowed to hear The Beatles or see full frontal nudity but will at least be helpfully informed about the full complement of the US Senate circa 1977. I hope they find that funny too. Pity us.

David Attenborough, Life on Earth: 40th Anniversary Edition

1979 (updated 2018) / Audiobook / 352 pages / UK

****

A necessarily patronising guided walk through evolution down various remarkable and disgusting paths, the audiobook being read by Attenborough himself is a fair trade-off for not having the pics. But it can only ever be a second-rate substitute to watching the shows, so it's a bit redundant unless you're on a bus or something. Kangaroo gestation is insane.

Eric Dubay and Kan Art, The Earth Plane

2018 / Ebook / 70 pages / USA

*

Indoctrinate your kids into the amazing world of Flat Earth truth with this really boring adventure featuring all your favourite misguided proofs from the zany side of YouTube. Remember – if you can't see something with your own eyes, from your limited and impractical vantage point, don't believe it! Unless you're generously interpreting your world view from a book written thousands of years ago, obviously.

Alrightreads: Games

Game on.

Philip K. Dick, The Game-Players of Titan

1963 / Audiobook / 191 pages / USA

***

The game isn't the most important thing here, being more a gag to highlight the desolation and futility of life on this barren future Earth. The rules are simple, it's the plot that's complicated. Written during PKD's most prolific period, this might pack in more of his customary tropes than any other book. I'd think more highly of it if he hadn't kept going and improving.

Christopher Manson, The Practical Alchemist: Showing the Way an Ordinary House-Cat May Be Transformed into True Gold

1988 / Ebook / 95 pages / USA

***

Not the engulfing enigma that Maze was, this elaborate word and picture puzzle with cryptic clues probably goes on a bit too long for most people's attention spans, but the answers are in the back if you're getting frustrated. Full of Manson's distinctive crosshatching, this time more quirky than sinister, I have the feeling he was more into it than anyone else was.

Dave Morris, Virtual Reality: Heart of Ice

1994 / Ebook / 256 pages / UK

*****

Dave Morris wrote the Knightmare gamebooks that introduced me to the eternally satisfying genre as a kid. With customisable characters, flexible morality, untrustworthy NPCs, multiple choice endings and weird developments hidden down obscure paths, this apocalyptic eco cyberpunk adventure is a tad more complex. It's tied with the Lone Wolves as the best gamebook I've played, even if I never did end up flying that bloody shuttle.

Richard A. Knaak, Diablo: Legacy of Blood

2001 / Audiobook / 355 pages / USA

***

I never paid that much attention to the storyline when hacking 'n' slashing through the Diablo games, but the setting seemed like a fertile ground for derivative dark fantasies. This elaborate prequel to Act II Quest 5 is largely generic, but tailored more specifically towards the lore than a copy-paste of proper nouns would achieve. It's also a bit like The Wrong Trousers.

Dave Gorman, Dave Gorman vs. the Rest of the World: Whatever the Game — Dave Takes on All Comers!

2011 / Ebook / 352 pages / UK

****

Dave's off on another themed odyssey (what's he like!), but this time he's in it for the sheer fun (wouldn't say no to a book deal, mind) and with less rigid rules (except for all the complicated rules). An optional side quest in the Gorman canon, he doesn't amusingly suffer or meet as many dangerous weirdos as you might hope, but there's still one or two. And not as much fun as playing a game, obviously.

Alrightreads: TV

Turn on, tune in, turn page.


James Blish, Spock Must Die!

1970 / Ebook / 119 pages / USA

***

Blish knows his Trek, having novelised multiple episodes. His only original story is structurally spot-on, as well as directly reminiscent of all those episodes with evil doubles (at least four come to mind). As for the actual plot though, it's nuts – both in the exhaustively-justified technobabble and Kirk's reactions to it all, which jump to murder distressingly promptly. Uhura comes off well, but then, she isn't one of the white women plagued by ancestral guilt who are lusting after Spock as a gateway to black guys.

Paul Cornell, Doctor Who: The New Adventures – Human Nature

1995 / Audiobook / 256 pages / UK

****

Adapted as one of the best TV stories of the 2000s, the original novel is much the same, with the more expansive scope the format allows. Doctor Who is supposed to be on telly though, so the diluted telly one's better.

Stefan Petrucha and Charlie Adlard, The X-Files: Firebird

1995 / Ecomics / 160 pages / USA/UK

****

Stefan Petrucha's X-Files balances fan-appeasing authenticity and creative licence more successfully than your average tie-in comic. As a time capsule of the show's early years (produced during season two), there's some interesting incongruence, strange synchronicity and arguable foreshadowing, mainly because the writer knows his paranormal onions and these themes were bound to crop up sooner or later. The one-off stories are too short to really get going, but the three-parter's a fun alt-mythology romp, warped for the budget-free comics realm. Shame they don't look all that much like Mulder and Scully, but you can't have everything.

Dennis Bjorklund, Seinfeld Reference: The Complete Encyclopedia with Biographies, Character Profiles & Episode Summaries

2010 / Ebook / 393 pages / USA

**

I was hoping for an insightful companion to fill me in on unnecessary trivia for every episode. I should have read the subtitle more carefully, I guess. It spends most of the page count assembling the characters' fictional biographies and most of the episode guide is taken up by credits. Despite the ebook's 2010 vintage, the behind-the-scenes sections haven't been updated since around the time the series ended, with no mention of racist rants in sight.

Joe Harris and Colin Lorimer, Millennium

2015 / Ecomics / 120 pages / USA/Ireland

***

The X-Files' brooding sibling show went out on a whimper when it was cancelled by Fox right before the actual millennium. There's not much of a legacy to spoil there, and this brief reprise is as authentically on brand as it is unnecessary, leaving things as vague and unresolved as ever and concentrating on mood over substance. Frank Black's back, but I doubt we'll be hearing any more from him.

Clare Nina Norelli, Angelo Badalamenti's Soundtrack from Twin Peaks

2017 / Ebook / 144 pages / Australia

***

Stretching its remit to cover non-album material, alternate versions and other projects, this would have made more sense as a stand-alone book on the music of Twin Peaks or Lynch/Badalamenti collaborations generally rather than as part of this album-focused series, but sticking rigidly to the limited commercial release of pilot cues would have been limited too. The music theory and notation went over my head, but it was nice to learn what instruments the synthesisers are pretending to be and the cultural associations everyone supposedly has except for me.

Charlie Brooker, Annabel Jones and Jason Arnopp, Inside Black Mirror: The Illustrated Oral History

2018 / Ebook / 320 pages / UK

****

Dispensing with old-school episode synopses, cast lists and other details you can get on IMDb, this gets straight to the meat of interviewing the writers, cast and crew about the 19 Black Mirror 'films' released to that point. The fairly even coverage means they won't get as deep into your favourites as you'd like, while giving that rubbish one more credit than it deserves. Brooker's always good value and candid about unused concepts and episode ideas if you fancy stealing them.

Alrightreads: Years

Don't read too much into it.


W. C. Sellar and R. J. Yeatman, 1066 and All That: A Memorable History of England, comprising all the parts you can remember, including 103 Good Things, 5 Bad Kings and 2 Genuine Dates

1930 / Ebook / 172 pages / UK

***

The premise is that the history you were ineffectually taught at school must be the only history worth half-remembering, so they're not going to fill in what your teachers failed to. Good point, but I probably should have worked on remedying that ignorance rather than basking in it. Doubtless influential on the more refined historical pisstakes to come, and cathartic for history scholars, the hit rate of puns and comical errors and conflations isn't very high, but enough has accumulated by the end to make it worthwhile. The nonsensical exam questions are funnier than the main ramble.

Philip K. Dick, Now Wait for Last Year

1966 / Audiobook / 214 pages / USA

***

One of the denser PKDs, its epic backdrop of intergalactic war and disorienting dalliances with simulacrams, simulations and sideways selves are let down by another miserable domestic dispute and the customary stream-of-consciousness plotting ending up more random than coherent this time.

Mark Z. Danielewski, The Fifty Year Sword

2005 / Ebook / 100 pages / USA

**

I don't fetishise physical objects, so fancy wooden packaging doesn't excuse this horror vignette being a really insubstantial release. Where are the rest of the stories? If you were to read a monochrome print-out that obscured the five-colour chorus, you'd miss nothing and be spared fruitless efforts to find meaning there.

Julie E. Bounford and Trevor Bounford, The Curious History of Mazes: 4,000 Years of Fascinating Twists and Turns with Over 100 Intriguing Puzzles to Solve

2018 / Ebook / 192 pages / UK

***

An edutaining wander through the history of mazes in mythology, pop culture and foliage, with frequent puzzle stops along the way. It's easy to follow, which isn't really in the spirit.

Heidi Murkoff with Sharon Mazel, What to Expect the First Year: 3rd Edition

1989-2014 (updated 2014) / Ebook / 704 pages / USA

*****

This quick-reference owner's manual avoids doctrine and paranoia for the most part, packing in as much practical information as possible into 700 double-column pages without padding it with someone else's baby pics. A lot of the advice is irrelevantly American-centric (e.g. gun risks), but I don't expect everything to be tailored for me.

7 se7en mo7ies

A few films hanging around on my 7arious to-watch lists, waiting for an excuse, had something in common. Can you spot what it is? And which less pressing ones joined them to make up the number?