I arrived in Northern Thailand and felt My First Earthquake today. Chiang Mai is exciting already!
Fortunately for almost everyone (especially this blog, which has permission to be jovial in the circumstances), this one was nothing like as devastating as some of the earthquakes that struck other parts of the world in recent weeks. But at 6.8 magnitude, it was still powerful enough to shake buildings as far away as Bangkok.
I was closer than that - about 100 miles from the epicentre, which was in north-eastern Myanmar - but it all took place far inland, so there were no dangerous waves to worry about. My bungalow swayed gently for about 20 seconds, and that was it.
And he lived to tell the slightly disappointing tale
It wasn't exactly 2012. My lamp and Wi-Fi were still working, there was no commotion in the neighbourhood outside apart from some jangling wind chimes, and even the unidentified bird that's been perched outside and making a sound exactly like a teddy bear's squeaker didn't seem to care.
Is this what you've been trying to warn us about all day, mysterious squeaking bird? If only we'd listened to you. And if only your useless message hadn't been as impossibly cryptic as Nostradamus 'predicting' the World Trade Center attacks. I hate you.
When I felt the shake, I instantly recalled the sage advice Oliver passed on about doorways being the safest places to stand when inside, but it was over soon enough. Well, except it apparently wasn't, but I didn't notice the aftershocks - I guess I was too busy writing this.
Between blogging during natural disasters and taking photos of potentially venomous snakes rather than running away, I am taking the piss out of fate in a big way and deserve everything that will inevitably come my way. I just hope I can cling onto the precipice for enough time to blog about it.
But instead of being shaken (figuratively), I was elated. I had felt the raw power of the Earth, like I'd imagined I had when I stared into the gaping maw of Vesuvius, long overdue for its next eruption, and part of me had wished it would blast my face off. What a way to go!
Red herring?
Oliver's blind confidence in his assertion that various natural disasters taking place around the world were somehow his fault was shaken recently (like Myanmar - ha ha! Oh, one woman died apparently. Sorry) when we met someone who, it turned out, actually had a much stronger claim to being the Harbinger of Death than Oliver had.
Except she didn't go on about it all the time, or write an overlong blog after being involved in a mediocre earthquake. Oh, that last one was me. To be honest, I've been living off Oliver's anecdote for ages as a fun conversation piece, so I'm glad I'm finally getting stories of my own. Now if only there was some way to edit or delete all this.
Oliver was still in Thailand at 8.55PM, so according to his own rules could not have been responsible. I know this because he sent me an email shortly after, writing about unrelated conversations he'd had with dodgy tuk-tuk drivers and a guy with 'EVIL' tattooed on his throat (when everyone else was tweeting about their buildings shaking - I love this guy).
Mary, on the other hand, left Thailand earlier today. She was staying in Bangkok after leaving Myanmar, which is where the earthquake took place. Do I smell a plot twist?
Like Maggie shooting Mr Burns or the amusement park owner being pointlessly unmasked as the villain of the piece in Wayne's World's excellent Scooby Doo ending, it was the person you least expected (and who hadn't even shown up in the story until its too-convenient conclusion) all along! Maybe it's enough that Oliver has learned his lesson, whatever exactly that is, and we can rest assured that the world will be safe as long as this woman is never allowed to set foot outside Ireland again.
Well that's all obviously above scrutiny, but where does it leave Japan?
This would all tie up so neatly if Japan could somehow be accounted for - a place neither of the damned have yet visited. I have a new respect for you Creationists, moon landing conspiracy theorists and other evidence sceptics: stretching your tenuous hypotheses beyond their elastic limits and hoping no one will notice it's such obvious bullshit you're spouting can be a really tough job!
Maybe I'll keep writing this, even though I'm really tired. I'm not scared to sleep or anything. Definitely not. Hopefully see you tomorrow.
Fortunately for almost everyone (especially this blog, which has permission to be jovial in the circumstances), this one was nothing like as devastating as some of the earthquakes that struck other parts of the world in recent weeks. But at 6.8 magnitude, it was still powerful enough to shake buildings as far away as Bangkok.
I was closer than that - about 100 miles from the epicentre, which was in north-eastern Myanmar - but it all took place far inland, so there were no dangerous waves to worry about. My bungalow swayed gently for about 20 seconds, and that was it.
And he lived to tell the slightly disappointing tale
A temple in Chiang Mai this evening, before the earthquake hit.
(It's still there and everything)
(It's still there and everything)
It wasn't exactly 2012. My lamp and Wi-Fi were still working, there was no commotion in the neighbourhood outside apart from some jangling wind chimes, and even the unidentified bird that's been perched outside and making a sound exactly like a teddy bear's squeaker didn't seem to care.
Is this what you've been trying to warn us about all day, mysterious squeaking bird? If only we'd listened to you. And if only your useless message hadn't been as impossibly cryptic as Nostradamus 'predicting' the World Trade Center attacks. I hate you.
When I felt the shake, I instantly recalled the sage advice Oliver passed on about doorways being the safest places to stand when inside, but it was over soon enough. Well, except it apparently wasn't, but I didn't notice the aftershocks - I guess I was too busy writing this.
Between blogging during natural disasters and taking photos of potentially venomous snakes rather than running away, I am taking the piss out of fate in a big way and deserve everything that will inevitably come my way. I just hope I can cling onto the precipice for enough time to blog about it.
But instead of being shaken (figuratively), I was elated. I had felt the raw power of the Earth, like I'd imagined I had when I stared into the gaping maw of Vesuvius, long overdue for its next eruption, and part of me had wished it would blast my face off. What a way to go!
Red herring?
Oliver's blind confidence in his assertion that various natural disasters taking place around the world were somehow his fault was shaken recently (like Myanmar - ha ha! Oh, one woman died apparently. Sorry) when we met someone who, it turned out, actually had a much stronger claim to being the Harbinger of Death than Oliver had.
Except she didn't go on about it all the time, or write an overlong blog after being involved in a mediocre earthquake. Oh, that last one was me. To be honest, I've been living off Oliver's anecdote for ages as a fun conversation piece, so I'm glad I'm finally getting stories of my own. Now if only there was some way to edit or delete all this.
Oliver was still in Thailand at 8.55PM, so according to his own rules could not have been responsible. I know this because he sent me an email shortly after, writing about unrelated conversations he'd had with dodgy tuk-tuk drivers and a guy with 'EVIL' tattooed on his throat (when everyone else was tweeting about their buildings shaking - I love this guy).
Mary, on the other hand, left Thailand earlier today. She was staying in Bangkok after leaving Myanmar, which is where the earthquake took place. Do I smell a plot twist?
Like Maggie shooting Mr Burns or the amusement park owner being pointlessly unmasked as the villain of the piece in Wayne's World's excellent Scooby Doo ending, it was the person you least expected (and who hadn't even shown up in the story until its too-convenient conclusion) all along! Maybe it's enough that Oliver has learned his lesson, whatever exactly that is, and we can rest assured that the world will be safe as long as this woman is never allowed to set foot outside Ireland again.
Well that's all obviously above scrutiny, but where does it leave Japan?
This would all tie up so neatly if Japan could somehow be accounted for - a place neither of the damned have yet visited. I have a new respect for you Creationists, moon landing conspiracy theorists and other evidence sceptics: stretching your tenuous hypotheses beyond their elastic limits and hoping no one will notice it's such obvious bullshit you're spouting can be a really tough job!
Maybe I'll keep writing this, even though I'm really tired. I'm not scared to sleep or anything. Definitely not. Hopefully see you tomorrow.
