Babyliography LII

Tony Ross, I Want My Mum

1999 / Library book / 32 pages / UK

**

The Little Princess isn't the most likeable character in picture literature at the best of times. This one was particularly irritating; a re-read wasn't requested.

Emily Gravett, Monkey and Me

2007 / Library book / 32 pages / UK

**

A limited parade of animals with a repetitive refrain. It has the whiff of being scientifically formulated to appeal to the youngest audience, but she wasn't particularly impressed.

Jez Alborough, Hug

2001 / Library book / 32 pages / UK

**

He's such a cheery chappie, we always forget that she's grown out of Bobo books and demands more from her reading than unadorned monosyllablic cries. This one's worse than most due to the neglect factor.

Jez Alborough, Tall

2005 / Library book / 34 pages / UK

***

This repetition at least has the sense of vertical progress and a nice, unspoken message at the end that may be bogstandard, but could serve as a kind of Turing test if you suspect your storyteller may be an android.

Emily Gravett, Again!

2011 / Library book / 32 pages / UK

***

I enjoyed the meta gimmick of the disintegrating bedtime story and related to the exhausted parent, but leaving the anger unresolved was a downer. Still, I wouldn't mind reading it Again.

Ranking the Led Zeppelin albums

I came to Led Zeppelin too late and wizened for the legendary band to have much personal significance, or even to remember that listening to them is an option most of the time, however much I enjoyed it. Their discography is even more concise than The Who's, but I was similarly indifferent about reaching the end or even wading out much beyond the ones I really liked.

This is no passionate affair, but should prove to be a long, neglectful relationship. It's The Top 8 Led Zeppelin Albums!

Alrightreads: TV X

Ben Elton, Rik Mayall and Lise Mayer, Bachelor Boys: The Young Ones Book

1984 / Ebook / 128 pages / UK

***

I didn't get my hopes up, but got into the spirit and enjoyed the limits of revulsion being tested, at least. It's credible that they'd actually bother writing this shit, since the disbelief is pretty securely suspended already.

Tom Hill, Donna Friedman and Chris Reccardi, Pat the Stimpy: The Nitty Gritty Touchy Smelly Book

1993 / Ebook / 14 pages / USA

***

Flimsy 4D fun, even if you have to use your imagination.

Arthur Mathews and Graham Linehan, Father Ted: The Craggy Island Parish Magazines

1998 / Ebook / 96 pages / Ireland

***

It's nice to see more of Father Crilly's day job, and his fleeting interests, grudges and other distractions. Less so the overwrought island-building and expanded ecclesiastical universe.

Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton and Reece Shearsmith, The League of Gentlemen: A Local Book for Local People

2000 / Ebook / 128 pages / UK

****

This might have been in my collection from the time if they'd gone with less marketable packaging, but the unconvincingly literate Tubbs is merely our curator of precious paraphernalia and deeper local insights.

Ina Rae Hark, Star Trek

2008 / Ebook / 160 pages / USA

****

An OG critical fan realistically reviews and contrasts the franchise (to 2008), with the bizarrely rare focus on who was actually writing it. It avoids the films entirely, in humorously literal compliance with the TV Classics banner worthy of Data.

Alrightgames: Pop and Hop

Pop and Hop

1965 (2016 version) / Board game / 2-4 players / USA

***

Cheap and nasty Frustration  that was nevertheless nostalgically irresistible at charity shop prices. Flimsy pieces and a borderline unplayable board (that doesn't even match the design on the box) are technically drawbacks, but they add to the annoying spirit.

I was surprised that we managed one go around with the toddler, all four would be pushing it. I skipped popping a 6 to start, since I wanted to at least play the thing before it became weaponised.

Babyliography LI

Jez Alborough, Yes

2006 / Library book / 40 pages / UK

***

She was pleased to find another Bobo book, but annoyed by the minimalist dialogue, asking "can you read it?" when I forgot to elaborate with stage directions.

Camilla Reid and Ingela P. Arrhenius, Peekaboo Chick

2022 / Library book / 10 pages / UK/Sweden

**

One of the later and less memorable clones in the neverending series, it wandered off topic fairly quickly. Also, the front slide was in the middle. Presumably someone messed up the test cover and they didn't care enough to fix it.

John John Bajet, Bedtime for Baby Shark: Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo

2019 / Library book / 24 pages / USA

*

One of presumably endless themed variants. Acceptable to read to your toddler in the library (quietly, with appropriate shame) between flap books, but you wouldn't invite it into your home.

Annabelle Lynch, Big Cats

2016 / Library book / 24 pages / UK

**

I'll keep an eye out for more Tadpole Learners, dispensing wildlife facts with large, friendly letters and not sugar-coating the nasty parts. She found it a bit lacking in narrative though, so provided her own.

Eric Hill, Spot Goes to the Park

1991 / Library book / 20 pages / UK

***

By this point in the run, the flaps are arbitrary, but he's toned down the anxiety. Though when Spot's ball lands on an elephant's newspaper, I had an unpleasant flashback of an aggro beach hippo.

Ranking the Symphony X albums

My first dedicated voyage into progressive metal (I didn't really know what to make of Opeth), Symphony X impressed me with approachable neoclassical flourishes, double-digit, multi-part songs and pompous mythology storytime that was right up my street, but a fairly limited range meant they wouldn't have the staying power of a Dream Theater.

Nostalgic as hades though. Here are my The Top IX Symphony X Opi.

Babyliography L

Emma Perry and Claire Alexander, Puddling

2022 / Library book / 32 pages / UK

****

We can't normally enjoy lovely pictures like these without them being captioned by too many words, but this kept things basic with plenty of room for discussion.

Rod Campbell, Animal Rhymes: A lift-the-flap book

2020 / Library book / 16 pages / UK

**

A few more originals and nursery rhymes that weren't culled from an earlier collection, which then ends more abruptly than those used to.

Nicola O'Byrne, Bad Cat!

2020 / Library book / 32 pages / UK

***

Less fun than naughty cat videos, better than Garfield.

Unknown, Finding Nemo / Frozen Colouring Books

2019/21/ Colouring books / 64 pages / UK

***

She loved the Nemo interactive photonovel, was less taken with the minimalist captioning of the Frozens. Not too fussed about the colouring aspect either.

Unknown, Disney Frozen Fever: My Busy Books

2015 / Board book and figurines set / 11 pages / UK

***

Figurines and playmats add value to the bland novelisation, though she didn't care, preferring to interact with characters via the media of drawings, jigsaws and balls than actual toys.

Dodecahedron of Doom

12 "stories" x 12 words

'No! Don't look into its eyes!' Mr Vernon implored the year fives.

'Are you Lazarus Rook, the occult detective?' the bloody cleric gasped.

'No.'

'You're too late!' Stevens cackled over Judy's exsanguinated husk.

'Never mind then.'

Once upon a time, they lived happily ever after, until he exploded.

Fear gripped her, as did the rubber glove without a hand inside.

Reports of my death are greatly exaggerated; there were only two hellhounds.

He briefly reflected on the irony that he was now literally heartless.

'This is the mask,' the child demonstrated. 'See? My face goes here.'

'I said we should have made air holes,' the eyeless clown lamented.

On the bright side, you don't have to worry about headaches now.

'Abortion toasties again?' Jimmy grumbled.

'It's dark. Get it down,' Dad blubbed.

'Remember,' the professor unnecessarily reminded his protégé, 'we can't waste–'

'Too late.'