Ranking the James Bond films

I've never sat through a whole Bond film before. I've read one of the Fleming books, but it wasn't my sort of thing. I thought the films would be a bit Top Gear, and passionate endorsement from Alan Partridge didn't do them any favours.

Still, I've always been superficially interested in the Doctor Who-esque line of succession, and I'd enjoy the sense of contrarian superiority if it turned out I liked one of the underrated ones the best. It just means putting in the hard work of watching a load of entertaining films to get there. Let's crack on.

Here are my The Top 026 007 Films.

Licence to key:

Sean Connery
George Lazenby
Roger Moore
Timothy Dalton
Pierce Brosnan
Daniel Craig
Other


26. Casino Royale (1967)

Bond was self-parodying almost from the start, making this the first in a long line of pointless pisstakes. But it's far from the definitive one, thanks to chaotic production and a lack of direction only six directors can achieve. Maybe the drugged-up counterculture got something out of it.

25. The Man with the Golden Gun (1974)

Triple-nippled Christopher Lee plays international cat and mouse with Bond, but without the exciting pace of Tom & Jerry. The increasingly irrelevant series continues to shamelessly cash in on current trends with a silly kung fu sequence and takes advantage of relaxing standards to be pervier than ever. Just when it seems things can't get any worse, the comic relief sheriff from the last film turns out to be a recurring character.

24. A View to a Kill (1985)

Moore leaves us wanting less in his skippable swan song. The plot and everyday locations may be dull, but there's an interesting shift in tone as the franchise belatedly enters the 80s. Neon Duran Duran titles and Grace Jones may be the most blatant evidence, but it wasn't this gratuitously violent before.

23. Diamonds Are Forever (1971)

Swapping exotic locales for the worst place in America, this was so dreary I wasn't even amused by the daft bits. The staying power of this series makes it easy to overlook that this isn't an 'early' Bond film at all, but already the sixth sequel. That makes its mediocrity more understandable, but it's got me worried.

22. Quantum of Solace (2008)

The Craig era has fixed some of the flaws of the old Bond films, it's a shame they still can't work out how to not make every alternating film awful. I didn't expect to be pining for Die Another Day-style stupidity so soon, at least that was fun to hate.

21. The World Is Not Enough (1999)

Smarter but duller than the previous one, this is the first time I've spent most of the film bored, save for Desmond Llewelyn's fitting final scene. RIPQ. There could be a decent film in here, waiting to be unlocked by the right fan edit. Some of those cuts don't take a nuclear scientist.

20. Die Another Day (2002)

The most consistently disappointing Bond era goes out with an unconvincingly computer-generated bang. There's a place for silly Bond, and although it's sadly more Batman & Robin than Moonraker, I still had more fun laughing at it than struggling through the boring ones.

19. Spectre (2015)

After proving that this vintage series could still be relevant and artistic in the last film, we're back to superfluous and borderline silly entries. It's a shame I didn't do this a few years earlier so I could end on a high point, but at least the next one will be good, right?

18. For Your Eyes Only (1981)

'80s Bond slams the brakes hard to regain some reputation post-Moonraker, but goes too far and ends up bland and forgettable, to the point that I forgot what was going on even while it was still going on. Even most of the exciting bits are retreads. I'm impatiently waiting for the next guy now.

17. Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)

This is literally the Austin Powers era now, but the rampant ridiculousness comes off less self-aware and a lot less funny in the late 90s than it did 30 years ago. This was James Bond when I was growing up, no wonder I didn't care.

16. Thunderball (1965)

The golden age lasted all of two films. I was expecting the suspension of disbelief to gradually escalate all the way to Moonraker, but this is already just flesh Supermarionation. 007 spends most of the dawdling runtime pranking baddies at various luxury retreats, then there's a really long underwater scrap.

15. Never Say Never Again (1983)

I'm not precious about Thunderball anyway, and this remake is better paced and less sexist. Bringing back the ageing Connery to show up the ageing Moore isn't very sportsmanlike, but referencing the passing of time in a Wrath of Khan way gives it an air of retro charm in the Indiana Jones age.

14. Octopussy (1983)

The pendulum doesn't swing all the way back to stupid, but there's enough clowning around to enrage puritanical fans, which is always fun to think about. Bond in India is overdue, it's just a shame all his love interests have to be conspicuously white. The series is trapped in a time warp generally.

13. GoldenEye (1995)

I didn't get enough of brooding Dalton, so I was disappointed that the series had reverted to a cartoon again. But a 90s cartoon, so it's self-deprecating to excuse its obsolescence. Then a tank burst in and stole the show, and I was glad they carried on.

12. The Living Daylights (1987)

The comforting Bond cliches are still there, but these are increasingly feeling like generic action films underneath. The new Bond is convincing, but the unfortunate Aston Martin / Batmobile synchronicity gave me the nagging feeling I was watching a pre-Keaton Bruce Wayne rather than a post-Moore Bond.

11. Dr. No (1962)

Before they saw the light of lucrative toy deals, Bond's big-screen debut is more of a traditional macho adventure where he shoots people with his gun rather than his Batmobile. There's time to get acquainted with our new hero before he jets off to Jamaica, where the locals are more well-rounded and sensitively portrayed than might be feared for a film of this vintage. All the yellowface is a different matter.

10. You Only Live Twice (1967)

From Stingray to Thunderbirds, we're back on spoof-baiting track. Roald Dahl's big-budget Japanese remake of Dr. No casts real Asian actors this time, which is progress, even if Mie Hama has to spend much of the film in her underwear, which is less so. Sean Connery japping up is so absurd, it bypasses offence.

9. Moonraker (1979)

Credit to the team – they successfully raised my suspension of disbelief to the point that I had no problem accepting this crazy, thrilling ride as a Bond film. At least up to the moment a blaster was fired and it became Star Wars for 20 minutes.

8. On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969)

In the first of several (mostly-)serious reboots, 007 tries out a new Paul McGannesque romantic incarnation for his working holiday and it's a breath of fresh Alpine air. Apart from the bit where he deviously seduces vulnerable women to keep things on brand.

7. Casino Royale (2006)

They've alternated between the silly and the serious all along, but the extreme jump from Die Another Day to this has presumably broken that switch now. It's good to finally get back on track from where Dalton left off with a Bond who bleeds.

6. Live and Let Die (1973)

I was worried going into Moore's divisive run that things might get too stupid. That they did, and I'm all for it. Roger's voodoo debut is low-key exotic fun, swapping the customary insane supervillains for everyday gangsters who gleefully allow Bond to stumble around their schemes because they're planning a more ironic execution that will definitely happen. Best song and most hilarious villain death so far.

5. The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)

I'm not sure quite why they rigidly insist on alternating between great films and rubbish ones, but it's some variety I guess. You Only Live Twice meets The Bible with an underwater car. The capable Lady Bond mends some of the franchise damage, until she needs rescuing. Seeing Egypt again was nice.

4. Goldfinger (1964)

This was where I started, and they had me at "shocking." As spy films go, this isn't clever, gritty or particularly exciting considering the invulnerability of our hero, but it is bloody fun. I recognised a lot of it from later "parodies" that weren't any funnier or more knowingly daft than the original was already, but it still managed to surprise me at times. Like when they dispatch three femme fatales in the first fifty minutes.

3. Licence to Kill (1989)

A Bond story hasn't felt this personal in 20 years as he goes rogue with a vengeance, with a little help from a gang that fantastically includes an on-the-job Q. I wasn't sold on the increasingly mirthless tone of the last few films, but embracing the darkness and upping the blood and guts made it click.

2. From Russia with Love (1963)

Bond's already in the bad habit of cracking pun eulogies, and there's a weird intermission for belly dancing and cat fighting, but you'd otherwise be disappointed if you were hoping for some over-the-top sixties camp. With a suspenseful plot, heavy Hitchcock influence, atmospheric locations and characters who feel real rather than the customary cartoons, you're going to have to enjoy this one non-ironically I'm afraid.

1. Skyfall (2012)

That's how you celebrate a golden anniversary: above and B(ey)ond. It may not stand the test of time as Best Bond, but approaching the finish line of this often wearying journey, it was a treat to be reminded of the good stuff.


Somewhat misleading Bond era ranking

#1. Timothy Dalton: 19.5 points
#2. George Lazenby: 19
#3. Sean Connery: 15.43
#4. Daniel Craig: 14.75
#5. Roger Moore: 12.57
#6. Pierce Brosnan: 9.25
#7. Other: 1