Me at the airport
I'm usually unfashionably early to the point of paranoia when it comes to catching flights, trains and buses, or when arriving at venues well in advance of the time specified by people I'm meeting. I've never understood people who are always late, which is sometimes just rude but other times could really screw up their day - such as when catching the first crucial flight in a sequence of flights that you really can't afford to miss.
You at the airport
But now I've experienced what it's like for these slackers when I slept through my alarm and woke up more than three hours later than planned, on the morning I needed to catch a flight from Seoul to Kuala Lumpur, connecting to Bangkok, connecting again several days later to Sri Lanka. As I pulled on my clothes, grabbed my prepared-in-advance bags and functionally urinated at slightly higher pressure than I would if I'd woken up at 04:00 rather than 07:10, I ran the kilometre-or-so to the bus station telling myself (probably audibly) that I might just about make it.
This should give you some idea of how unnecessarily over-prepared I normally like to be.
'Why do we have to cut these things so damn close?'
It was awful. I tried to reason that stressing about it wouldn't make the express airport bus go any faster on its predetermined route, but that didn't stop me making 'come on, come on' encouragements (definitely audibly this time). I couldn't think about anything apart from the pleading I'd have to do as the check-in counter was pulled shut as I ran towards it, or watching the plane cruise nonchalantly onto the runway as I ran towards the gate. I was out of my comfort zone and finally realised why some people talk about airports as if they're the most stressful places in the world - maybe if you were more organised, and took along a little work or a nice book to keep you occupied at you sat patiently for the hour or so before the earliest possible check-in time, you wouldn't have so much to worry about.
Though I needn't have worried, because there were so many goddamn last-minute slackers and somnambulists that it turns out the airlines just compensate for us. I think I ran up to the check-in counter just before it was scheduled to close, but there didn't seem to be any signs of shutting up shop, and the time interval they gave me for getting to the boarding gate before it closed was actually less time than it took me to queue for the security screening, immigration and the shuttle bus to the next terminal. If things actually ran according to schedule, I would have missed my flight bang-to-rights - but fortunately, there were plenty of other lazy people keeping the punctual people waiting.
I would have happily missed this flight if it meant stamping out laziness and encouraging people to get the hell out of bed and make their appointments on time. What makes you so important that the rest of us should wait around for you? And while you're at it, loosen your shoes and separate your laptop from your bag before you get to the conveyor belt, that'll save everyone valuable time. And when you're on the plane, try to sit still - all that bouncing around isn't very considerate to the guy behind you, who's already struggling to work on his laptop after you've tilted the chair back further than they should realistically design them to bend. The exit doors don't open earlier if you're standing up, either - why not relax with a book or sit chatting to a friend once the seatbelt sign flickers out, rather than impatiently standing around and causing avoidable Cairo-style congestion? You all have far too much baggage anyway, it's ridiculous.
I've gone off-topic a bit.
If you feel your relaxed, selfish attitudes have been mercilessly criticised and that I'm being a bit of an anal asshole about this (for a change), you can take some small comfort in the fact that I've now taken so many flights, I've started to physically suffer from cabin pressure. During my flight to Seoul in December I had a throbbing pain in my right ear, and this time my left eye really ached and watered for about 20 minutes. I wonder which body part will torment me on my next flight, in this cross between Buckaroo, Operation and Mr Potato Head? I'm also pretty sure today's stress took an energy bar or two off my remaining life force, so coupled with my appalling diet and general health, you'll almost certainly outlive me - you win.
Happy flying, everyone! Oh hang on, I'm not supposed to take flights any more... screw the planet, flights are ace. It's just a shame about all these bloody humans, but if AirAsia keeps offering such ludicrous deals for environmentally devastating flights, it shouldn't be long before that problem sorts itself out.
