Sunday, February 22, 2015

A whole new level of self-indulgence

I've reached that stage in our life's journey when occasional Facebook searches to see what past acquaintances are up to have started to carry a reasonable risk of showing these people with babies in their arms.

So far, it's generally been the people I would have least expected or hoped to take on that sort of responsibility in their lives, but five years is a long time and people can change. Just because, when I knew him, he'd do things like leave a half-eaten chicken in a bag in the corner of his bedroom for a week or two, wonder why he could hear the sound of pattering rain on a clear day, eventually realise it was the sound of feasting maggots, take care of the problem with a vacuum cleaner, then wonder why his living room was hosting more flies than usual that summer, doesn't necessarily mean he shouldn't be trusted to look after a living, breathing human being.

Since I'm only marginally above that level of incompetence myself, I won't have any photos of mewling, puking offspring to share with you for a good while yet (if ever). But I do have some photos of myself as a young child, courtesy of my Mum who scanned and emailed them for my wife to have a laugh at. And you thought this blog couldn't possibly get more onanistic - don't underestimate me again!

1985 - 1991/2(ish)

Comfort your helpless infant after you take a photo of his distress

I hope there aren't legal/ethical issues with posting this. I gave myself permission

The tell-tale sunlight suggests this is Tenerife rather than Cheshire,
so one of my first travel photos (still the westest I've been)

Even at that age, I get the feeling he'd rather be at home, in his room with all his jigsaws

First day of school. I remember we got there unfashionably early to take photos of my great shorts. My brother's head seems to be developing out of proportion to the rest of his body. He's doing a PhD now

This was likely the birthday when all my "friends" (and my younger brother) were entertained by a man dressed as Ronald McDonald, but I was terrified, cried and didn't join in.
He'll be alright, look: he's got mazes

Remember when you used to care about stuff?
I wouldn't get over this shameful materialism for another 15 years or so.
(What's in the box? I'll go with Dizzy Dizzy Dinosaur)

Why pay for an expensive souvenir photo captured at the fun splashdown part when you can take your own at the boring parts for free? Thriftiness is in the genes


  1. Wait... you drop the "W" word in the last few posts, and again in this post and still no mention of how this came to be?
    I imagine it had something to do with some sort of affirmative action, most commonly the response to a question with the word "yes", but this being secondary to the question of who responded, as you have acknowledged the result already.
    I am also curious regarding the "loophole-free three wises contract" (which I suppose should be wishes) and its content, and am also amazed that there is no post pertaining to it as of yet. I believe it would make excellent reading material (both this and the "W" issue).

    1. Wish for unlimited wishes, obviously, though some genies have a rule specifically against that, they're not idiots. But even more importantly, be painstakingly careful about the turns of phrase you use when wishing and include a clause that none of your wishes should be willfully misinterpreted to bring you despair as some sort of ironic lesson, because they love doing that. Fox Mulder spent a lot of time at the word processor between scenes in an X-File preparing something similar.

      Thanks for correcting the "wishes" typo. "Wife" wasn't a typo.

      I noticed that this blog received a stupendous amount of traffic a day or two ago, now I think I know why! Hope you've been well.

  2. Yes, indeed, the question being of course how to get around the "no wishing for extra wishes" rule, which I assume most genies have in place now a days, as this has been a common exploit in the past. Now that I think about it, did Aladdin’s genie have this rule?
    Yes, I looked it up... he stated:
    “Three wishes, to be exact. And ixnay on the wishing for more wishes. That's all. Three. Uno, dos, tres. No substitutions, exchanges, or refunds. “
    I also, fairly easily, discovered many ways to get around the problem. My favorite being “I wish for more Genies” As well as “I wish I could have more wishes”. Of course such loopholes would work only once. On top of this, in Arabian nights, Genies are boned to the rules under which they are captured, as well as physically/magically being limited, which of course, does not mean that they are not able to “make” more Genies, but it may take a few years for them to reach a mature wish-granting age.
    Jeannie from I dream of Jeannie certainly had unlimited wishes already, though she usually seemed to bungle it up differently, meaning this would require a completely different contract.
    Also my most favorite types are the death wish types, which let you choose how you will die, though this wish is granted immediately. To be fair though, some do grant three wishes prior to killing you.
    …Wasn’t it a Djinn which had curses attached to wishes?

    Well, whatever.

    As for me, life is peachy with the occasional trip and far too much to do. Had to take a day off/at work to catch up on your blog. And I guess congratulations are required… so congratulations on the Marriage… issue…thing… maybe...?