I don't really like games (fittingly for my Scrooge/Skeletor persona), but I do enjoy a good lo-fi puzzle, which are great ways to keep yourself entertained when travelling away from home, to kill time on those long train, plane, bus and ferry journeys.
...I just realised these ones require an internet connection to access, so are useless for that purpose. Never mind, they are still brilliant!
These good and rubbish quizzes range in difficulty from unbelievably simple to nigh on impossible, and were created by me between the ages of six and twenty-three.
You might therefore have seen them before, either in friendly comment banter on this website or on my old website of creative things that's no longer online for reasons of taste and embarrassment. (The good thing about deleting your own material is that you can just recycle it and no one will notice, especially if no one read it in the first place).
Hey, maybe one day I'll make some more! They couldn't possibly be worse.
Hunt the Chimp
Here’s one of many ridiculous puzzle pages from the Doctor Disguise archives.
As well as bizarre stories, every Doctor Disguise book contained insane puzzle pages. From already-completed mazes to impossible crosswords and lying wordsearches, there's plenty of fun to be had.
This particularly fine example comes from Doctor Disguise Book 4, written in 1992 when I was seven years old.
The objective is simple:
where is ghosty’s pet chimp?
help him to find him for his bath time
Screw the chimp, I’m more interested in what’s going on with this scenario. Why is a ghost fishing in a swamp (using very suspicious looking bait, as Oliver pointed out). Why is he bathing a chimp? A chimp with the power to go invisible, apart from his outline, but still remain perfectly visible unless you are blind.
Answer next week!!!
Doctor Disguise and His Brain
A unique chance to see inside Doctor Disguise's body:
There's his brain. The essential cognitive organ. It's got six legs and a face - doesn't yours?
There's his Spitty. The essential drooling green alien man thing with a mohawk.
And a small Tarzan bloke.
Of course, the question we're all wondering is:
How many nuts do you think you could fit in each of them? Six-year-old Dave doesn't specify their relative proportions, nor indeed which type of nut we're talking about, but it doesn't really matter.
Don't make the mistake of applying logic here. Answers next week!!!
Where's Dave? I - Roman Romps
During an escapade in the Roman times, Where's Dave was caught fornicating with the Centurion's fat wife and is now on the run, in various densely populated venues throughout history.
Can you find Where's Dave and his vengeful pursuer, Centurion Davius? Or perhaps you are an idiot? Click on the picture to enlarge, idiot.
Answers next week!!!
Where's Dave? II - Martian Magnet Misbehaviour
Martian Emperor Davex-9 Delta was the king of pool (and Mars), and reigned supreme on the table until the fateful night when Where's Dave arrived on Mars and proceeded to demonstrate, with arguably greater zeal than was strictly necessary, how the Emperor was manipulating the balls with a system of magnets.
Enraged, Emperor Davex-9 Delta is in pursuit of Where's Dave, in various forms of cuisine across space and time.
The Emperor enraged
See if you can find where's Where's Dave is hiding in this giant space pizza with garnish, because you doing that will somehow save him or something (probably).
Also look out for Emperor Davex-9 Delta and his henchmen Zombie Dave, Voodoo Shrunken Head Dave and The Davebot:
Answers next week!!!
