Saturday 28 March 2020

Top 10 childhood TV theme tunes


Becoming a parent has been a more valid excuse to indulge in childhood nostalgia. She can have her own roaring '20s nostalgia, but I'd be neglectful if I didn't sprinkle some glorious '80s in there.

Here are my favourite TV themes enjoyed in childhood that have also stood the test of time, with no regard for the accompanying visuals (however skill) or the actual quality of the show (when I even watched it). They're not all from kids' shows.

Featuring embedded video links that I'll allow to deteriorate over time like our memories.


10. The Poddington Peas



The generically anthropomorphic legumes presumably got up to some kind of antics down at the bottom of the garden, but this is one of many shows where it's only the intro that survives in the memory, thanks to repetition and above-and-beyond catchiness. The Family-Ness and Stoppit and Tidy-up had better roll calls, which managed to name more than a select few characters before truncating "and all the [rest]," but they crucially lacked the electro-rock backing.

9. Bertha



Postman Pat was my favourite preschool programme, but its industrial sci-fi sister show had the superior feem tune. Not only for those ace retro computer bleeps, but I think that's very likely, likely. The bridge is great and the chorus is catchy as hell, I want a full song.

8. Willy Fog 2



I vaguely remember watching the original Around the World series (late-80s repeats; I wasn't cool enough to make it to Gen X), which the internet remembers more fondly than the belated sequel, but that theme only sounds correct to me when it's been repurposed to describe different Jules Verne plots in a slightly awkward English translation, sung by voice artists whose singing abilities presumably weren't the priority when casting. Whichever version you happened to grow up with across time and language barriers will be your favourite regardless of quality, like Alfred J. Kwak.

7. ITV Schools countdown clock



My brother and I used to spin around the living room with our arms outstretched, singing the theme and pretending to be the rotating ITV Schools ident we'd seen at school. But didn't everyone?

6. Count Duckula



We're spoiled with two classic variations on a theme here: the opening providing a succinct introduction to our hero, with endearingly desperate rhymes, then the even better and darker outro, with lyrics seemingly written before they'd actually decided Duckula wasn't a baddie, or being ironic or something, I could never tell what was going on. It even used to creep me out a bit.

5. Thundercats



Lots of '80s action cartoons had wailing guitar themes that repeatedly reinforced the show's name for merchandising purposes, but Thundercats was the most exciting, and it didn't waste time on a dull prologue. I love the hasty solos striving to fill every gap in the chorus and the decision to lose the vocals later on works a treat, it's not like they were especially descriptive in the first place.

4. Blockbusters



There may be better British '80s synth themes, but the honeycomb quiz overture feels definitive to me, teasingly brief though it is. This came on after kids' TV finished, but I'd always hang around for that Blade Runner intro. It sounds similar to the Knightmare theme, which is as nostalgic as a show can get, but that theme doesn't resonate in the same way.

3. Heathcliff



This stripy ginger pretender had nothing on Garfield, but he can claim legendary status anyway by association with that intro. Whatever the formula is, they nailed it. Like those freaks in the YouTube comments want to nail a drawing of a lady cat.

2. Thunderbirds



Stingray's dramatic opening set the bar that Thunderbirds soared above, like every other aspect of the definitive Gerry Anderson show. The rapid-fire trailer music after the countdown would be exciting enough, then you get the melodic Iron Maiden strings leading into the triumphant brass. It was a surprise to eventually learn that this was an old show from my parents' era; more incentive to keep passing these timeless things down.

1. Dallas



I didn't watch this series, whatever it is, and didn't even know what I was passively absorbing when that rousing theme made its mark on some school-free weekday afternoon on the cusp of the '90s. It's the first piece of music I remember really getting to me, as opposed to Christmas carols that had the magical festive associations and 'Bohemian Rhapsody' which I appreciated for being lolrandom.

I didn't encounter it again until the early days of YouTube when someone's Star Trek edit briefly brought the magic back, before the spell was broken and it just became a decent old TV theme. I've ruined my nostalgia, time to work on curating the excellent nostalgia of the next generation.


Honourable mentions

  • Babar – how much more wholesome could this be? A: None more wholesome
  • Bucky O'Hare – some excellent rhymes for this one-season wonder
  • Bump – shame it's been retroactively ruined by politics. Trump, trump, trumpety trump.
  • Charlie Chalk – though odd how it doesn't visually or sonically match the series
  • Conan the Adventurer – for the superlative statement "the mightiest warrior ever!!!"
  • Defenders of the Earth – shame it didn't have about 30 characters to go on and on
  • Ovide and the Gang – the tropical end theme got stuck in my head for months once
  • Postman Pat – #1 for mood, I was a village boy born and bred
  • Potsworth & Co. – inspiring premise, bodacious chorus
  • Ulysses 31 – I found its transparent goal to be the ultimate cartoon intro quite comical