Friday, July 7, 2017

My Top Ten Websites 2004

"I can't log on to this website to look at my friend's Nationwide-employed sister and imagine her in just her bra" - Me, apparently

Just to finish off this dooyoo trilogy that's been self-indulgent even by my standards, here's an absolutely pointless update of My Top Ten Websites 2003 from nine months later. It's the least anticipated sequel in history!

During that time, my original account was deleted when they noticed I'd been creating loads of fake accounts to click through all my reviews and fraud myself some extra dooyoo miles. I got my £40 Amazon voucher before that happened though, so pathetic crime pays. If they want it back, they can have it.

I came back under a new alias and behaved this time, which meant I also had the chance to give a second opinion on old topics and reveal the exciting progress of my boring teenage life. Fortunately, I'd leave for university five months later and my actual life could begin. During that time, I only dooyooed during the summer break when everyone else went home.

And here I am today, taking valuable time out of paid work to illustrate and [annotate] my old dooyoo reviews. Is that progress?

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 Top Ten Websites 


06.05.2004 01:28 [Go to bed, it's a school night!]

Very helpful

When God created the internet, he was knowingly creating the single most distracting activity mankind had ever seen, whether it's someone's idiot brother wasting his days on Macromedia Flash games, or that someone himself wasting his days browsing eBay. [And writing this. And writing this 13 years later.] Bear in mind that these are hypothetical examples however, and that God is possibly not the man behind the internet, although Christians would believe that he is at least inside it somewhere. [Give it up, you're not going to be a stand-up comedian.]

Following are my top ten websites, in no particular order. If you ever wanted to know what makes me tick, aside from the irreplaceable Iron Maiden obviously [I'm not going to post all those reviews], this list will take you into a digital realm beyond your wildest dreams. Probably not though, and most of them are just boring shops anyway. I have omitted the www parts of all website addresses due to the complications this causes when typing reviews offline, and it makes the titles more difficult to read in any case. [New entry. This is probably the equivalent of the charitable SEO call to action this time around]

My favourite site on the net, it allows me insight into the strange and busy life of a thirty-six year old man [Now approaching fifty] who has earned his living from comedy. The official website of the stand-up comedian, playwright and all-round funnyman Richard Herring. Perhaps best known as part of the Lee and Herring double act in their TV series 'Fist of Fun' and 'This Morning with Richard, Not Judy,' Rich has also performed his own shows at the Edinburgh fringe for the past fifteen years. [Thirty years.]

His website features downloads, articles, a very active guestbook that Rich always checks up on and, most importantly, the "intrusive daily diary of his boring life," as it is described in the popular [?] book related to his last stand-up show, 'Talking Cock.' In fact, Rich's life is far from boring, especially at the moment. Many of the comedian's fans enjoy his daily 'Warming Up' accounts of specific events that have taken his attention, and Rich is currently involved in completing twelve tasks to be used as the basis for his upcoming show at Edinburgh in the summer, comparing his Somerset-descended self to the ancient legendary hero Hercules.

So far he has taken up sport for the only time in his life by successfully completing the 2004 London Marathon and taking part in 'the Other Boat Race,' an event funded and shown by the BBC which involved ex-Oxford and Cambridge graduates who are a little famous learning to row (in Rich's case) and taking each other on. Rich's Oxford team won, against the odds.

Rich is currently undertaking the task of dating fifty women in fifty nights, as a tribute to the legendary Hercules having fifty sexual partners in the same time slot, and it's enjoyably cruel to read how the obligatory drinking involved in such a task has caused the man who only two weeks ago ran the Marathon, to find it difficult to climb his stairs. [Did I modestly avoid mentioning my own interaction in one of these tasks? I probably just hadn't sent that email yet.] will take you straight to the most recent entry [Yep], and they are all interesting reading. The stalker-esque aspect of following this man's life may become addictive however, so strange people should best stay away. [No self-awareness.] Yes, I have suggested this as a product for inclusion on Dooyoo and have received no reply as of yet, but there is even more I could write about it. It must be worth a visit, if only to find out how his dating is affecting his health!

Miraculously still updated every day, and charmingly almost completely unchanged [Uncorrected autocorrect, or did I not know you're allowed to break grammar rules for vain brands?]

Many people know about eBay, the world's largest and most popular internet auction site, and it is a great place to buy and sell. Their seller charges are very fair, and it's often very easy to find any item at a bargain price, whether it's used or brand new.

Problems can arise however when buyers and sellers are untrustworthy, but for the most part it's a very beneficial experience, and a great way to get rid of unwanted stuff. It is very easy to get an eBay account, but once you start selling you are often required to provide bank or credit card details, which puts a lot of people off. I've never had any problems though. [Just wait until you start selling imported Chinese pirate DVDs in a couple of years to top up your student loan.]

You all know about Dooyoo, unless you are reading this following a Google search because this review has the word 'sex' in it (just then) [Or on my blog 13 years later], but it's a great site. The monetary rewards are much less than they used to be [Now non-existent], which only serves in keeping the quality of writing very high. [More like keeping the reviews unnecessarily long.] It's also much fairer this way, despite what many people will think at first, although it can be frustrating when a writer has spent a long time and effort on a review and it doesn't receive many reads. In my personal experience, most writers will receive around 15 reads per review on average, unless they have put readers off themselves.

I've been a Dooyoo member for around six weeks [FUCKING LIAR] and today received the reward of the complete Family Guy DVD boxset in the post, which I bought through Dooyoo miles converted to Amazon vouchers. I'm also very interested in writing, especially when people are foolish enough to actually read the rubbish I've written [I hear you], so I'm benefiting in many ways. There are also at least several new reviews posted each day that I find myself really enjoying, and these have helped me to make better decisions. Long live Dooyoo.

RIP / [New entry, since I was now old enough to have a debit card and didn't have to rely on dodgy cheque-based sites]

Perhaps the most popular and well-known online shop, Amazon do not always have the best prices, but are incredibly reliable and stock a huge range of products. They sell DVDs, CDs, books, electronics, games and many other products, all brand new, but used products can be obtained through Amazon Marketplace sellers.

I mostly use for buying, especially as Dooyoo miles can be converted to electronic vouchers [The idea of a non-physical voucher was still revolutionary at this point] for this website, and for the customer reviews on products I'm considering buying. [New entry. The most significant life event over these nine months is that I'd shifted allegiance from Gateworld to Farscapeworld. Party time, excellent!]

By far the geekiest selection here, this is the best website for news on the sci-fi series Farscape and features a forum run by dedicated fans. Obviously only applicable to fans of the series, I'm still doing my part here to promote the upcoming mini-series. If you're into sexual fan-fiction, there's a certain degree of that tastefully hidden away in the depths of the site, and detailed episode guides and reviews for people like me who, when they like a TV show, REALLY like a TV show.

Credit where it's due, I just started watching the series again for the first time in years with the wife, and was delighted to find this site hasn't gone offline (even if its latest news is an over-optimistic story from 2007). Even better, it still looks the same. Actually, it looks a bit like my own blog. There was probably unconscious influence. [New entry]

A little unimaginative, but Google really is the best search engine [Even better than Lycos!], and the link in my Favourites window is directed at, which I tend to use more than the .com version as there is the option to search only UK websites; very useful when looking for low prices on things.

Google image search is also a fast and convenient way to search for pictures, such as a funny picture of a horse showing its teeth that can then be sent in an e-mail to my friend who finds horse mouths one of the funniest things in his world [And who was still using Ask Jeeves at this point. He also had a sister who worked at Nationwide...], and various levels of safety and restriction can be imposed, based on how pornographic the picture you are looking for may be. [I was 18 now, so was just discovering this side of the internet for the first time. Yeah, right. Where's my honest top ten?]

Google is the best search engine as it searches for the most relevant websites, rather than those which have sent them the most money. Links to such sites can still be found at the side though; they're not completely daft.

Yahoo! Mail [New entry. After that eerily timeless Google section, we're back in 2004]

There's not much to distinguish Yahoo from other free e-mail providers, but I prefer them to MSN's Hotmail which I used to use. [The only other one, I guess?] The layout is easier on the eyes than Hotmail and can be changed according to taste - or lack of, in the case of my grey, white and orange theme [Today, I use Gmail's most boring greyscale theme] - and I've never had any problems logging in due to busy servers.

The bulk mail folder is reasonably adept at sorting junk mail from genuine e-mails, although it does occasionally make strange mistakes. As a free e-mail service, Yahoo accounts are not considered proof enough of identification for some websites, such as eBay, so card details may be needed.

Yahoo Messenger can be used in conjunction with the e-mail service, as can Yahoo Groups, as a Yahoo ID (the name before the @ sign in your Yahoo e-mail address) can be used all over the site. I only use the e-mail though. [Another lie, I know I at least posted to a Deep Space Nine group and occasionally used Messenger to talk to people who claimed to be girls. Why would they lie about that?] [New entry. The Lee and Herring renaissance was in full swing]

Tying in once again to my love of the obscure and relatively mediocre comedy duo Lee and Herring, this site is run by a fan more obsessed than me. The b@$#@^%. Loads of downloads, although not the ultra-rare TV shows which can only be obtained in dodgy CD format from eBay sellers [Fist of Fun now available], this holds loads of great information on the now ancient [Six years ago] partnership of Stewart Lee and Richard Herring, for those who still claim they were the most unappreciated comedians of their day. [Didn't you just call them mediocre? Oh, that was an in-joke you didn't explain.] Rich's own website is funnier though.

I wonder if the downloads of radio interviews etc. still have the stupid robot voice sting? [New entry. Seriously?]

Not actually that interesting. In fact I'd go as far as to say, a fairly boring website that just has numbers and stuff. But visits to this website prove invaluable every time I wish to make an internet transaction [That's like including 'air' in your Top Ten Things], or see what miniscule profit I have made from eBay over the past week. Very secure, the website can remember your customer number if you wish it to, but you need to enter secret data and digits of your code number every time you go on.

I've never had any problems, the only downside is that, unlike the local Nationwide branch, I can't log on to this website to look at my friend's Nationwide-employed sister and imagine her in just her bra. I don't do that in the local branch though, that's the house contents insurance that I look at for a while, it's probably quite good. [I wish I could say I was joking.]

I wouldn't have been surprised if they'd closed or something.
I closed my account before I left the country.

Tooyoo & Chatterweb [New entry. This is how we had to do things before Facebook]

It's quite hard to choose my ten favourite websites, but I suppose the unofficial but very useful Tooyoo site deserves a mention, especially if some members reading this haven't heard of it. Currently at the URL of I've seen talk of it returning to its original address of sometime soon. [That's no better, is it?] Anyone can easily sign up for a free guestbook where people can leave you personal messages that wouldn't suit the comments boxes on your Dooyoo reviews, and a General Message Area where you can talk about bananas and some other things.

Chatterweb is another unofficial but expertly run forum, which always seem to have more members logged on and would therefore be a faster way to solve any queries you may have. This can be reached through

So, that's my ten-or-so websites, all with varying degrees of popularity and nerdiness, and with huge variances in how much I could find to say about each one. These are not the ten best sites in the world (although in reality, they actually are- I was just being considerate) [Even Nationwide?] but are the ten I visit most frequently, and are very useful. Thank you for reading, I like you. [Suck-up.]

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