I was planning to spend a week or so longer in Greece and really master the language, but after all the ferry annoyance, and spotting a tempting last-minute flight, there no longer seemed a point in delaying Israel until November. I'm not a slave to your calendar, Pope Gregory!
So, to while away the travel time I've entered the realm of the Hebrew language, so I can blend in like a local in the immigrant nation. I've always thought I'd make a good Jew, in any case - I'm called David, I appreciate sardonic humour, I'm tight with money and I've got quite a big nose. Really, I'm just one very small operation away from being a true Son of Israel.
I know what you're thinking - firstly, whether ironically tagging entries borderline racism is really enough of a get-out clause for such a level of factually incorrect cheekiness about my new adoptive people, and secondly: where's the mental mental image Dave has came up with to help me memorise Hebrew numbers?
Here you are, insanity fans!
Please note: Anglicised spellings and mispronunciations will definitely not reflect the standard English spellings of these words. In fact, my In-Flight Hebrew audio course rushes through them so quickly that I've definitely made major mistakes. Still, don't let that stop you trying these corkers out and sounding like an idiot - it won't stop me!
0 to 10 in Hebrew
0 a'fez ('a fez')
1 a'hat (the fez is 'a hat')
2 schnein ('Schneider': Jewish-heritage comedian/writer David Schneider is wearing the fez hat)
3 shloss ('Schloss': a German castle, where David Schneider lives)
4 alba ('Alba': the Gaelic name for Scotland, as it is Doune Castle in Scotland. Yes, I know it was German a second ago, but this featured in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, so how could you forget it?)
5 amaysh ('amazed': the kid cannot believe what he's seeing)
6 schaysh ('sheesh': the kid is bored)
7 schemoo ('Shmoo': forgotten Hanna Barbera creation The New Shmoo)
8 schmuna ('Shmoo, No!': the artist objects to the silliness of the previous suggestion)
9 esche ('Escher': the artist is Escher - see, he has also drawn one of those weird staircases)
10 essa ('S.A.': and he has signed it S.A. Even though his initials are M.C.E. Those crazy artists!)
