Greatest tits



This is a compendium of strange, amusing and/or perverted search terms that have brought people to my blog posts - the vast majority arriving here thanks to my inadvisable use of stolen softcore images of glamour models wearing formal attire in manners inappropriate for an education establishment. So most of them are looking for sexy teachers and cheerleaders.

I've included links to the posts these freaks were taken to, when I can actually work it out. A lot of this stuff doesn't actually appear here. I'm not sure some of it even exists. And who is the real freak anyway? The aroused deviant searching for sexy aliens and monkeysex or the borderline obsessive compulsive blogger who wastes his and everyone's time by tediously cataloguing the worst offenders? (A: It's the first one, I'm mint).

This was originally discussed here, but making a page lets me update it more easily, without having to abuse the comments facility.


Sexiest search terms




sexy teacher

hot teachers



which country has the hottest bitches (slightly different phrasing than I used)

top 10 asian country which has most hot girl

asian hymen (I used this phrase metaphorically in my blog - my guess is they were after something a little more literal)

asian girls going all the way

chinese vs south korean girls easier (good luck with that)

how to surround myself with hot women (can't be any help there)


inspector gadget's niece penny (ah, a man of refined taste)

raymond written in chinese (ah yes, that common Oriential name)

alien wasps (do they even exist?)


camel won't do everything (I hope this one isn't sexual... but then why wouldn't you want to see it going all the way?)

big dead fish

kuala lumpur me (did they expect to find a photo of themselves by searching 'me?')

moral grey area (pretty much sums up this blog)

gay site:http://freelanceflaneur.blogspot.com (someone specifically typed this. Twice. Was it you?)

white supremacy string bracelets (believe it or not, this isn't the scariest search term that's brought people here - there are some others I really don't want to type)

disgusting (of all the depraved pits on the filthy internet, this brought someone to mine)

putrifaction corpse

how to draw a brachiosaurus (my new favourite)

big cocks (though it could also be this)

hilarious homos (they are, aren't they?)

granny with big pubes (variants of this search show up distastefully often)

sexy aliens (I refer you to alien wasps)

swastika face dog tattoo (nope, I've got no link for that)

celebes crested macaque front legs (extremely specific)

things in museum (extremely non-specific)

how to turn your kid straight book (I can't help you with that, and you don't deserve my help)

who was the first man to find a church (presumably they mean 'found' in the other sense, unless churches just sprout from the ground like leeks)

am i dead yet (this might be my new favourite. Doesn't life drag on?)

monkeysex (all one word)

horse shitting (like granny's fanny, I'm getting a disconcerting amount of traffic for this too. Certainly more than the nice volcano pictures in that post get)

sexy dream dresses (what?)

cats of greece calendar 2010 (someone searched for this in 2012 - too old to be useful even at a bargain price and too recent for nostalgia)

black guy surgery bart simpson (I hoped this was related to a real cosmetic surgery story, but doesn't seem to be)

childless man (I wonder what they look like? Best do a Google search)

why are you so sexy (one of the great mysteries of the universe)

sexy učitelka (Czech word for teacher - it seems there's a big Czech market for this filth)

an actual rat on my face (not one of those lame mice, an actual rat)

horny sexy asian big tit girls (he knows what he likes)

cock n bollocks (I like the use of 'n')

a mix of a goat and a tiger (see alien wasps)

sexy tree trunk (maybe it's time to stop collecting these)

elderly sexy tits feet leg (The horror! The horror!)

field worker shitting in field (Everything except the shitting part)

real vagina pics (do you really need to specify 'real' when searching for vagina pics? I'd hazard an uneducated guess that it's easier to find real vagina pics on the internet than fraudulent ones. Though ironically, any vaginas that may appear on this site will not be real)

bastard crab (someone harbours a grudge)

oliver warburton (I was hoping this would be one of the rare photos of me with a beard, which is what an Oliver/Warburton hybrid looks like in my mind. But nah, it's an unrelated baby)

what happens when you dont eat vegetables (like I've said before, any health advice I administer here is purely for entertainment purposes and not intended to be informational)

images of monkeys with really big boobs (I'm starting to feel like some of these are written just so they'll feature here - who writes search queries like that?)

slutty teacher showing titties and then fucking (ever feel like you started a research project that you really wished you hadn't? People are actually typing this)

ass (this has become one of the most searched for terms in recent months. Seriously, ass)

dmz korea tits (some bizarre, location-specific perversion for you)

asian babes tied up

asians are not allowed to not cosplay (some kind of misunderstanding)

i'm from michigan (okay, thanks)

asians vs huge cock (X-rated Godzilla-nasty)

picture of a nice gate (ahh... on that pleasant note, let's take a breather from the depravity)

sex price south korea (someone from the Netherlands searched for that, if that detail's relevant)

seksi öğretmen ('sexy teacher' in Turkish. I hope to collect all language variations some day)

creepy guy at the zoo (links to a picture of me. Oh dear)

be prepared in blood (freaks)

arnold penis (I don't know him)

japanese very nice girl (it's almost charming, if it wasn't so unpleasant)

hsbc debit card numbers (yes, it was a mistake to include that picture. That accounts for a lot of my traffic now)

world of warcraft porn comic (please don't let it exist)

experience cock

picture of skeleton and dead mans hand (again, very specific)

i came here to fuck shit up t shirts (this puts the bad taste of other searchers into some kind of perspective)

boy kidds do humiliation on adult female (what is wrong with you people?)

tallest lion (who am I, Norris McWhirter?)

japanese dirty panties (like that was a surprise)

harry potter wednesday addams (sounds like a match made in heaven (or hell))