Retroreads 1980s–2000 : More Childhood Books

A while ago, I retrospectively reviewed some favourite childhood books with my usual 80-word depth, focusing on the select few I felt were worth adding to the big list.

I don't know why I was being so coy.* Here are 100 more (let's not get too crazy) that are worth mentioning, sometimes less so. It's not absolutely everything from the shelves, schools and libraries, but between these, the last lot and the Trek books, it's surely most of them.

Some are so obscure or poorly remembered on my part that I can't find images or other evidence of their existence. I should probably be glad that there's at least some nostalgia I can't ruin.

* Update: Oh I see, I didn't want to waste days of my life on something completely pointless. Bit late to start worrying about that.

Alrightreads: Quests

Robert Sheckley, Journey Beyond Tomorrow (a.k.a. Journey of Joenes)

1962 / Audiobook / 144 pages / USA

***

A brilliant framework, piecing together a twisted account of preapocalyptic times through a variety of unreliable sources. A shame the stream-of-consciousness satirical odyssey itself doesn't really live up to it, though I'm sure it's caused much agreeable thigh-slapping down the decades.

Jasper Griffin, Homer: The Odyssey

1987 / Ebook / 116 pages / UK

**

I was up for a celebration and refresher, but got lectures on form, translations and other uninteresting topics instead. Not his fault; my misunderstanding about the nature of this series.

Dave Morris, Knightmare: The Sorcerer's Isle

1991 / Ebook / 192 pages / UK

***

Not as good as Fortress of Assassins in either of its awkwardly bisected, thematically related halves, though it's only the interactive Grail quest that's of any interest, you might as well rip the other half out. It's pretty annoying and repetitive, in the classic arcade game tradition, but it creates the illusion of freedom well for the sort of inexperienced young readers this is actually aimed at. I enjoyed pretending to be one again.

Elaine Lee, Will Simpson and Dan Spiegle, Indiana Jones and the Spear of Destiny

1995 / Ecomics / 96 pages / USA

**

This tedious sequel to The Last Crusade reunites Jones & Junior without the chemistry as they race Nazis and Oirish stereotypes around the humdrum British Isles in search of another holy relic that's an open goal for Freudian innuendos, if that's your thing.

Shawn Taylor, A Tribe Called Quest's People's Instinctive Travels and the Paths of Rhythm

2007 / Ebook / 128 pages / USA

****

A meaningful case for your music being better than what the kids have today, incorporating the author's juvenile reviews that are better than I write now (even if he does go off on tangents about that honey Gloria Domingo from class).

Alrightreads: Q

Various, Quantum Leap

1991-93 / Ecomics / 346 pages / USA

****

Wholesome sci-fi that doesn't shy away from heavy themes like bigotry and child abuse, this also might be the most authentic TV to comic adaptation I've seen. Most of these would have made decent episodes, even if they're really rushed at 24 pages or less. Apart from that crazy last one, anyway. Oh, boy!

Anthony Pople, Messiaen: Quatuor pour la fin du temps

1998 / Ebook / 128 pages / UK

****

Streamlining the compulsory context to spend more time on the movement-by-movement breakdown is how these companions should all go about it, though some works just don't have as much going on to get eleven pages out of a 2:44 intro. Building on the composer's own brief descriptions, each chapter mixes things up a little to cover the symbolic, literal, Biblical, mathematical, autobiographical and synaesthetic significance. Much of it's over my head, but I admired the view.

Mike Melman and Bill Holm, The Quiet Hours: City Photographs

2003 / Ebook / 81 pages / USA

**

The outdoor shots of doomed architecture are peaceful in their gloomy industrial oppression, but the vacant interiors have a misanthropic sense of rapture about them.

Nathan Lowell, Quarter Share

2007 / Audiobook / 250 pages / USA

**

How does this star-trekking bildungsroman set itself apart in the flooded genre? By immersing readers in the daily grind and petty trading that makes your reading breaks more of a chore than your actual work. One for the folks who spend their leisure time grinding imaginary wealth on the fringes of online games rather than actually playing them.

Scott Carney, The Quick and Dirty Guide to Freelance Writing

2014 / Ebook / 91 pages / USA

**

It wasn't clear that this would focus on proper (i.e. feature) writing, nor that it would be more ideological than practical, but it was certainly quick, to read and to write, being a series of livestreamesque anecdotes illustrated by open-ended story examples with links to his more substantial books where you can buy the conclusions.

These short books may be mainly useful as self-evident self-marketing tools, but they're usually reliable for getting specific with the financial side too.

Alrightreads: Purple

Crockett Johnson, Harold and the Purple Crayon

1955 / Ebook / 64 pages / USA

*****

I never realised Penny Crayon was a bare-faced rip-off. This is just great, so minimalist and elemental that I couldn't help myself from mentally (in both senses) filling in all the white space with speculations. What is the significance of purple? Why nine pies?????????

Michael Crichton, Sphere

1987 / Audiobook / 385 pages / USA

***

This started out as an intriguing first contact procedural with a nice bunch of characters, before its screenplay colours came fully into bloom. Some of the science and maths in Jurassic Park still goes over my head as an adult, but this one's junior introductions to black holes, psychology and marine life just felt patronising.

Iain M. Banks, The State of the Art

1987-89 (collected 1989) / Audiobook / 188 pages / UK

****

There's no faulting Iain Banks' prolific writing ethic, but it's a shame he didn't write more stories of this length, or allowed the ones he did write to be swallowed and digested among other ideas in his monstrous novels.

Fave: 'Descendant'

Dai Griffiths, Radiohead's OK Computer

2004 / Ebook / 123 pages / UK

****

It'll be hard for other writers of this listen-along series to top this obsessive effort. I still don't 'get' the album, even after his comprehensive analysis for expert and idiot alike, but his wider comparison of what makes a great vinyl vs. CD album was a revelation I probably should have had at some point.

Donna Spencer, How to Write Great Copy for the Web

2010 / Ebook / 95 pages / Australia

**

A glorified blog post or sign-up-to-download-our-free ebook that thinks it's a coffee table book, this is a lot more elementary than its title promises, so there's a bonus marketing lesson for you.

Alrightreads: Planets

John M. Ford, Star Trek: How Much for Just the Planet?

1987 / Ebook / 251 pages / USA

**

With the author's reputation, I was hoping for something comparable to what Robert Shearman did for Doctor Who, but this self-indulgent quirky!!1 comedy came out more like Michael Moorcock's 'Who misfire.

Richard Greene, Holst: The Planets

1995 / Ebook / 112 pages / USA

****

Reclaiming these influential tunes from the vulgar public domain to the world of proper music, without being snobby about it, this fittingly accessible reading of the horoscope illuminates the astrological themes, recounts its origin and reception and handily catalogues the instruments and forms used. It's missing the seemingly compulsory chapter on its film score legacy, but you get enough of that in tiresome YouTube comments. Now who's being snobby?

David Hofstede, Planet of the Apes: An Unofficial Companion

2001 / Ebook / 220 pages / USA

****

An overly comprehensive, occasionally opinionated guide to the first 30 years of the unlikely franchise. I didn't know much of the trivia from the films, let alone the original novel, TV series (live action and animated), comics, water pistols and everything else. The funniest part is the composite timeline where the Earth gets destroyed but fresh batches of astronauts continue to land on its surface for several decades regardless.

Rhys Hughes, Less Lonely Planet (Tales of Here, There & Happenstance)

1992-2009 (collected 2015) / Ebook / 244 pages / UK

****

I thought "the stories in this book were written in strict chronological order" was just a funny statement, until I realised he was (also) talking about the arrangement. Before we reach the story cycle proper, these tales that take place in places (a handily vague theme) take us through the various ages of Rhys Hughes: from weird rom-com and dark fantasy pastiche (with recurring pub's-skeleton-chandelier motif) to self-deprecating experiments and self-conscious homage, finally finding a home for early gems like 'Troubleroot' that inexplicably passed by previous collections. Meanwhile, oft-anthologised shorties flash past with the familiar frequency of adverts.

Fave: 'The Impregnable Fortress'

Andrew Cohen with Professor Brian Cox, The Planets

2019 / Audiobook/ebook / 288 pages / UK

***

I didn't fancy sitting through another vain Brian Cox documentary, but getting a layman's update on what's going on out there every decade or so seems like a good idea. He only wrote the Mars chapter and let the other bloke write the rest, lazy.

Alrightreads: Pets

Viz, Viz: The Dog's Bollocks – The Best of Issues 26 to 31

1987-88 (collected 1989) / Ecomics / 127 pages / UK

***

Now I remember why I stopped reading these. The perpetual repetition is part of the joke, but it's a slog when you're reading a year's worth of strips back to back. By this point, it was only the (seeming) one-off strips that kept me going, the more pointless the better – Hugh Phamism, Jelly Head, Rubber Johnny, Norman's Knob, Careless McKenzie, Suicidal Syd, Luke O'Like, Dai O'Rea, Captain Magnetic ('He Doesn't Attract Ferrous Metals At All!'), Clarence Coxes ('He Puts Used Matches Back in the Boxes'), etc etc.

Fave: Hooray Henry

John Marsden and Shaun Tan, The Rabbits

1998 / Ebook / 32 pages / Australia

***

A colonial parable for kids to grow up with and gradually lose their innocence to, provided they don't find it as off-puttingly grim and ugly as I did and would actually want to read through it again for reasons other than vague ancestral penitence.

Rhys Hughes, Link Arms with Toads!

1994-2011 (collected 2011) / Ebook / 286 pages / UK

****

Intended as a sort of self-titled showcase of the author's non-patented, not-totally-clear 'Romanti-Cynical' style, this wasn't one of my favourite collections, and far from his funniest, but there's a vaguely Gothic consistency I appreciated. It's also impressive how he keeps getting his past selves to write new stories, how deep is that well?

Fave: 'Castle Cesare'

Richard Rosenbaum, Raise Some Shell: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

2014 / Ebook / 152 pages / Canada

****

A nostalgic celebration and brief history of a Frank Miller parody that got a bit out of hand, with thoughtful analysis of why the Heroes in a Half Shell™ were a cultural force for good. Donatello's his favourite, so you know he's talking sense.

Jonathan Buckley, Starve Acre

2019 / Ebook / 219 pages / UK

***

The hook of a child's certain death, with plenty of dramatic teases along the way, makes this the most unpleasant variation on the pseudonymous author's customary folk horror chords, as well as the slightest. It also feels the most like a film in waiting, if that sounds like the sort of thing you'd enjoy watching.

Ten years later...

Ranking the Pink Floyd albums

I'd planned to include all the solo albums and side projects to make this exercise slightly more worthwhile and to demonstrate why you should get around to checking out Wet Dream some time rather than lazily touring the recesses of the main catalogue again, but then I couldn't be bothered.

The Top 15 Pink Floyd Studio Albums it is then, not even including singles compilations, collaborative soundtracks or other miscellany, lazy.

Alrightreads: Pink

Viz, Viz Comic: The Big Pink Stiff One

1986-87 (collected 1988) / Ecomics / 126 pages / UK

****

"Matured" would be a completely inappropriate choice of phrase, but the DIY 'zine has established a professional pisstake production line as it enters the second half of the '80s, though still with plenty of typos keeping it real. Newcomers Buster Gonad, Terry Fuckwitt, Finbarr Saunders and Mrs Brady would provide handy repeatable formulae, supplemented by an endless parade of less enduring characters with names like Davy McGraw and His Unbelievable Magic Door and Raymond Porter and His Bucket of Water. Like all the inane features, a lot of this is funnier in theory than execution, but they still have to fill the page after they've got the laugh.

Kenneth Gloag, Tippett: A Child of Our Time

1999 / Ebook / 124 pages / UK

***

Explores the multi-faceted musical, poetic and social influences that blended to make a cutting-edge, depressing and unlistenable opera.

Wilson Neate, Wire's Pink Flag

2008 / Ebook / 160 pages / UK

***

A decent overview of the minimalist art punk suite, interspersed with repetitive quotes from other notable musicians giving exactly the same take about how this band was different.

Adam Nayman, It Doesn't Suck: Showgirls

2014 / Ebook / 196 pages / Canada

***

It does, but top marks for effort. If he had to write this because he lost a bet, or to prove the pointless pretension of formulaic film studies, he really threw himself into it, he almost had me.

Martin Popoff and guests, Pink Floyd: Album by Album

2018 / Ebook / 240 pages / Various

****

A pleasing package of communal contemplations. No earth-shattering revelations, but a great excuse to indulge in a marathon. Here's hoping Popoff's reliable formula is eventually extended to every band out there.

Alrightreads: P

Molly Bang, Picture This: Perception and Composition

1991 / Ebook / 141 pages / USA

****

Strips art down to the barest possible essentials of lines and geometry. The psychoanalysis may be open for debate and culturally specific, but it made a lot of sense.

Dan LeRoy, The Beastie Boys' Paul's Boutique

2006 / Audiobook / 132 pages / USA

*

It's not badly written, and he has a good crack at cataloguing all the theft at the end, but hanging around with these dickheads beforehand wasn't a fulfilling experience. If only I was allowed to skip some of these.

Ben Sisario, Pixies' Doolittle

2006 / Ebook / 127 pages / USA

***

Uneventful road trips with the grown-up band members unfold the unsurprising oral history of the alt-rock touchstone. Reads more like an extended advert for their reunion tour until we get to the customary album commentary at the end.

Rhys Hughes, Plutonian Parodies

2004-09 (collected 2009) / Ebook / UK

***

Well-observed, deliberating annoying takes on three dead authors, noticeably less reverential than his usual tributes to authors he actually admires. I don't know whether the culinary connections were intended or he was just writing when hungry/thirsty.

Fave: 'Poe Pie'

Laura Markham, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

2012 / Ebook / 304 pages / USA

***

I haven't reached that stage yet (you can't be mad at a baby), but this was a useful preemptive primer for how to manipulate my child into a better-rounded human being than I am, when it wasn't being overly fearmongering in its manipulation of readers.

Alrightreads: Orient

Hergé, The Adventures of Tintin: Tintin in Tibet (Tintin au Tibet)

1958-1959 (collected 1960) / Ecomics / 62 pages / Belgium

***

Cutting down on the ensemble and the comic cutaways, this late entry felt like a retro throwback, comparisons further encouraged by the return of a character from 25 real-time years ago who naturally hasn't aged like the rest of them. Keeping the politics vague makes the shifting context less glaring than it could have been.

Dan Barry and Dan Spiegle, Indiana Jones: Thunder in the Orient

1993-94 / Ecomics / 144 pages / USA

***

The first substantial Dark Horse original, and the longest, this develops the comics/games continuity that further volumes would disappointingly abandon, integrates education without feeling lecturing, and adds a depressing self-deprecating knife-wielding servant boy sidekick for... relatability?

Uwe Ommer, Asian Ladies

2000 / Ebook / 160 pages / Germany

***

Cosmopolitan sequel.


Yoshitoshi and Tamara Tjardes, One Hundred Aspects of the Moon: Japanese Woodblock Prints by Yoshitoshi

1885-92 (collected 2003) / Ebook / 112 pages / Japan/USA

***

This completed Panini sticker album commemorates a couple's successful 26-year quest to catch 'em all. Nice nature scenes, but I could do without all the people and metamorphosing foxes getting in the way.

Faves: 'The Moon's Four Strings,' 'Mount Ji Ming Moon,' 'The Moon and the Abandoned Old Woman.'


Colin Odell and Michelle Le Blanc, Studio Ghibli: The Films of Hayao Miyazaki and Isao Takahata

2009 / Ebook / 160 pages / UK

***

Choreographing my daughter's magical childhood entertainment a bit far in advance (I'll probably let her play outside sometimes), these have always seemed promising as Disney alternatives and I dig the hippie values. Some extracurricular viewing didn't really live up to the gushing praise, but they're not aimed at me. Includes analysis of themes for your GCSE essay.

Alrightreads: Orange

Christopher Sharrett, The Rifleman

2005 / Ebook / 129 pages / UK

***

Clarifies why the TV western was so huge in its time and argues why this was the best of them, blending social honesty and progressive attitudes with conservative gun solutions. It's basically Deep Space Nine with horses.

Hugo Wilcken, David Bowie's Low

2005 / Ebook / 138 pages / Australia

****

With context and influences in the first half and the story of every song in turn in the second, this is as much as I wanted to know about peak Bowie, though the writer could do with reading up on what 'autism' is.

Zeth Lundy, Stevie Wonder's Songs in the Key of Life

2007 / Ebook / 154 pages / USA

**

A thematically segmented overview of the grandiose hip hop sampler, spoiled by irrelevant snobbery towards certain bands and entire genres. Half of these books read like they're written by the same person under colourful pseudonyms, or maybe they all grew up reading the same music mag.

Rhys Hughes, Flash in the Pantheon

1990-2011 (collected 2011) / Ebook / 212 pages / UK

***

100 flash fictions under 1000 words, randomly sequenced to keep recurring characters, preoccupations and experiments from getting too repetitive. I'm always up for a quickie, the sillier the better, but I prefer these in their native habitats – providing light relief between more labourious journeys to the punchline.

Fave: 'Stale Air'


Susan Anderson, You Write, They Pay: How to Build a Thriving Writing Business from NOTHING!: Third Edition

2015 / Ebook / 76 pages / USA

**

The unacknowledged, overarching demonstration of content self-marketing in action is more educational than the flimsy, occasionally outdated guidance it contains (such as still advocating spamming EzineArticles in 2015).

I twigged early on when she recommended hiring a $5,000 coach to help you explore your new career whim.

Ranking the Opeth albums

Opeth was never "my" band. My friend Dan picked up the freshly-released Blackwater Park when he saw it in a shop just because he liked the cover, so while it ended up being an iconic album of my teens, it was a bit dense for a KoЯn fan. Later independent forays won me over, especially Damnation which was instrumental in softening my musical taste. Then they got all big overnight, like they deserved, and everyone liked them, the pricks.

I don't listen to them as often as I should, because they're clearly one of the best. Here's a fickle fan's The Top 13 Opeth Albums.

Alrightreads: O

Stephen Walsh, Stravinsky: Oedipus Rex

1993 / Ebook / 132 pages / UK

*

I wasn't going to enjoy the opera anyway, and it's not the commentator's fault that it's apparently difficult to comprehend even if you do speak Latin, but his approach to explaining the work to non-opera listeners by comparing it to a Verdi opera wasn't very illuminating.

Rosalie Parker, The Old Knowledge & Other Strange Tales

2008-10 (collected 2010) / Ebook / 128 pages / UK

***

Inconclusive supernatural teases seeking refuge from the confusing modern world in haunted(?) country manors, cursed(?) paintings and the bones of ancestors. The co-founder of Tartarus Press, the author wears her influences on her book sleeves.

Fave: 'Chanctonbury Ring'

Alex Niven, Oasis' Definitely Maybe

2014 / Ebook / 144 pages / UK

***

You can stand against the anti-populist snobs without being a tedious snob yourself, but I guess it's a defensive reflex. It's a shame, because I enjoyed his pretentious elemental framework otherwise.

Tara Murtha, Bobbie Gentry's Ode to Billie Joe

2014 / Ebook / 160 pages / USA

**

Decrying tabloid fixations while simultaneously obsessing over the idolised recluse who just wants to be left alone, maybe because the story's not all that interesting without the mythmaking.

Rhys Hughes, Orpheus on the Underground and Other Stories

2007-15 (collected 2015) / Ebook / 179 pages / UK

****

A reunion with the publishing house that gave him his first breaks, the early stories feel obediently compromised for the traditional tastes of the Tartarus Press audience. Once they've been sufficiently groomed, he introduces more outlandish protagonists like bicycle-centaurs and a maudlin bridge.

Fave: 'The Great Me'