Well now, the massively misleading travel map is starting to look more impressive now I've scraped the edge of one of the world's biggest countries. East Asia's coming along pretty well, though it now looks like I've got something against Vietnam. I suppose I'll have to rectify that.
At the time of writing, I still don't have a clue where I'll be spending the next 12 months, though I should probably get out of Asia soon or I might be trapped here forever. I'm still not ready to go back to my home country and see friends and family again, as much for their sake as my own. What if I've turned into one of those despicable 'travellers?'
Dave at a Korean restaurant
Scene: A Korean restaurant, not in Korea. DAVE and his GIRLFRIEND enter and a WAITRESS approaches.
DAVE: God, you can tell already how authentic this place isn't.
DAVE'S GIRLFRIEND: (To WAITRESS) Hello, we'd like a table--
DAVE: Woah, woah, what are you doing, woman? Put in some effort.
DAVE'S GIRLFRIEND: But I can't speak Korean, can I?
DAVE: I'd better handle this. (To WAITRESS) Annyeung haseyo... um... table for two, please.
Dave and the Japanese tourists
Scene: A pub. DAVE is waiting for a FRIEND to arrive.
FRIEND: (Arrives) Sorry I'm a bit late, I got cornered by a couple of Japanese tourists who wanted a picture in front of the castle.
DAVE: That's a bit of an assumption. How do you know they were Japanese? Did you inspect their passports, maybe? You do know there are more countries 'over there' than just Japan, right?
FRIEND: They looked Japanese.
DAVE: Oh, so you can distinguish between Japanese, Koreans, Chinese, Malaysians and Singaporeans just based on sight, can you?
FRIEND: Yes, I'm not some kind of ignorant xenophobe. Can't you?
DAVE: I spent five years in Asia, does that answer your question?
DAVE: Tell me your secrets.
Dave at a clothes shop
Scene: A high street clothes shop. DAVE is examining some clothes, a helpful ASSISTANT approaches.
ASSISTANT: Could I help you with anything, sir?
DAVE: I've been to loads more countries than you.
Pointless e-book available now.